User blog:Freefalling Lilacs/Lilac Ranks Total Drama

Okay, so I saw a few of these going around, and I figured it would be a good way to subtly make my way back onto the wiki. I'm going to rank every contestant ever on Total Drama, excluding Chris and Chef (because they're not contestants), Blaineley (because she's barely a contestant), and Mr. Coconut (because he's a coconut). So, the unlucky contestant to fall into last place is...

#37. Staci - The Compulsive Liar
I feel kind of bad putting Staci all the way at the bottom because she only competed in one episode and for all we know she could be an awesome character. Unfortunately, I can’t put her above anybody else because I couldn’t stand her in the one episode she was in.

A compulsive liar character could be funny if used in the right way. The thing about Staci was that she wasn’t funny … like, at all. I don’t even think any of the writers liked her considering they pulled the “make anybody we’re supposed to hate bald” thing on her.

I don’t know if anybody has ever pointed this out, but Staci is pretty much Kristen Wiig’s character Penelope from Saturday Night Live. Penelope was also a compulsive liar who tried to one-up people with stories about her family, and though the similarities might not have been intentional, even the way Staci’s lines were delivered sounded a bit like the character. I tend to like the Total Drama characters who are similar to other, pre-existing characters (which you will see later in this ranking), but Staci is kind of a different story, as I didn’t like the Penelope skits to start with. Plus, her design just didn’t have the same aesthetic appeal that Total Drama characters usually have (and it’s not because she’s chubby, I’m just talking about feature shapes and color schemes).

So, for the fact that her character was completely pointless, Staci ends up on the bottom.

#36. Zoey - The Indie Chick
I’m prepared to be boycotted by Zoey fans, but at least hear me out.

When the Revenge of the Island designs first came out, Zoey’s original design with the glasses and the Staci hair was absolutely adorable. The title of “The Indie Chick” totally fit that girl, and I really wanted to see her in action. Then, we got the Zoey that came on the show, and despite the bright red hair and the flower that is constantly devouring her head, she was as bland as bland can be.

Zoey’s audition where she says she wants to make more friends was something I could relate to, and it was cute when she was nervous about her first impression in the first episode. It all went downhill when she interacted with Mike. One of the main problems that I have with Zoey is that she doesn’t really have a personality of her own. She’s just an accessory to Mike. The only thing that Zoey proved herself to be in the early episodes (other than instantly in love with Mike that is) was gullible, otherwise she was just one half of the predictable Zoke romantic plot.

I would be totally neutral about Zoey if she’d remained just the love interest and been voted off at like the halfway point or so (even though that would kind of make her Trent 2.0) but the writers decided to drag her along as the token female all the way to the final three (because, honestly, Jo doesn’t count). And then came “Commando Zoey,” which pretty much was just the writers trying to make her perfect. Suddenly, gullible, personality lacking Zoey could do anything. Then, they had to keep this “Zoey can do anything” decision all the way through Total Drama All-Stars, making me hate her more and more each episode.

The fact that Zoey made it to third place in her original season and second in All-Stars is ridiculous to me. She doesn’t even have a personality, unless you’d consider “in love with Mike” to be a personality trait.

#35. Ezekiel - The Home Schooled Guy
Ezekiel is just as boring as Staci, but the writers keep on trying to bring this guy back. The only thing that bumped him up from the bottom spot is that (unpopular opinion here) I thought the feral Zeke plotline was funny. My brother and I would try and spot Ezekiel through all the episodes of World Tour, and since then whenever Chris says they’ll face their scariest challenge yet we assume it will have something to do with Zeke.

I’ll admit that a lot of my dislike of Ezekiel is because of what some fanfic writers have done with him. I get that we don’t know a lot about him so you can kind of roam free with his personality, but at some point over at fanfiction.net there suddenly became a lot of Ezekiel-centric stories where the writers pretty much gave him their own personalities and paired him up with the girl on the cast they thought was the hottest. I’m cool with him whenever he’s developed into his own character, but all of the bad portrayals of him have just left a nasty taste in my mouth.

#34. Cameron - The Bubble Boy
I didn’t mind Cameron in his original season. I thought the fact that he’s a bubble boy was funny and I liked that he got along pretty well with most of the others. Plus, I liked that his design was scrawny and that his glasses were too big for his face. It irritated me that he got to the final two because I’d assumed that Cameron would definitely beat Lightning (and the reasons why I was on Team Lightning will be saved for his entry).

Then came Total Drama All-Stars. I really wanted to rank the contestants without acknowledging All-Stars considering how god awful that season was, but I can’t ignore that my opinions on some characters changed because of it. I was really confused as to why Cameron was in All-Stars at all, as his story seemed complete in his original season. Then, it was more and more obvious that Cameron was going to be a main character in All-Stars. He was in the middle of random dramatic plotlines and ruined Sierra, and even though he should’ve been voted off several times he somehow survived ''every. Elimination.''

Cameron quickly turned into that bug that you try and swat away but he just keeps coming back, until eventually it ends up flying up your nose or something. So that’s why he’s ranked so low. (On a more positive note, him using Scott as shark bait in the boat challenge made the entire episode for me.)

#33. B - The Silent Genius
Um ... who?

In all seriousness, B had the potential to be a funny character. The fact that he didn’t talk even though he was a genius was fun (even though they already used the silent gag with Justin). I thought it was hilarious when he opened his coat like a flasher to reveal a bunch of tools in the snowball fight. But I literally can’t remember B doing anything else, so he has to go here.

(Also, I totally had a better inventor in my story ... I'm joking, of course.)

Wow, the Revenge of the Island characters are off to a bad start. The next update should be coming up soon.

Hint for #32 - #28: Three not-quite-antagonists and two members of one of Total Drama's tightest friendships.