User blog:TDIwriter/Rankings of Total Deception Island Characters

Hello, everyone (or just my inner circle), His Broliness, Brandon M. Hall, here. Today I'm here to fulfill a promise I made to my best wiki-bro, Sprinkle-Dawg. You see, many years ago, I promised Sprinklemist that after we got home from the Flame War of '11, and he uploaded all the characters, I would take it upon myself to rank them. Here we are, thirty years later (or three weeks. My concept of time and space is a little off, due to an extremely graphic Lego accident that occured during my time in the Flame War), and finally, it is time. Ladies and gentlemen, and TAU, without further delay, the rankings:

22nd - Ina. Ina's listed as number 22, just because she doesn't really interest me. I don't think she's a bad character, and I don't dislike her, but with only the bios to go by, her's left the smallest impression on me.

21st - Ollie. I have nothing against people with mental handicaps, but in stories like these, I feel like a bad person, for not ranking them high. I honestly don't connect with characters like Ollie, or Audrey or that matter. And really, how could I? I don't struggle with their issues or life challenges. Because that connection cannot be easily established between this character and myself, I have to rank him low.

20th - Michaiah. Michaiah definitely has an interesting idea behind his character, and I have to say that he's one of the ones I'm expecting a big storyline from. Of course, big storylines does not always equal far placement. I only ranked Michaiah so low, because I don't have much to go by, as far as a bio goes. He's a "wait and see" character. He interests me, a lot, but I want to wait for the story to start before I rank him any higher.

19th - Trevor. After Yi Min, I'm hesitant to like Trevor. Though, I must admit that after reading his bio, I did lighten up to him, as his bio made me chuckle several times. I'm interested in Trevor, but I'm also cautious. I originally ranked him below Michaiah and Ollie, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

18th - Marcello. I like that he's an Aussie, because Australia is one of the coolest places on Earth. His afro is pretty sweet, too, and Sprink hinted that Marcello may in fact say "G'day". Then, why is he so low, you ask? Well, he's a pop star, or something like that. Personally, that sends up some red flags, for His Broliness. I don't know about Austalian pop stars, but American, Canadian, and British pop stars tend to be annoying and shallow. However, I do like that he isn't a stereotypical "rough and tumble" Australian.

17th - Karen. I don't know if Karen washes her hair with pure sunshine, but this chick is seriously brightly colored. Seriously, this chick is blonde to the point where it looks as if her hair was dyed with highlighter ink. I'm sure I'll get some angry complaints from the blondes on the wiki...(Dear Mr. Hall, I am writing in response to your incredibly insensitive blog...) Anyway, her stereotype is both intriguing and alarming. Any bro out there who has dated a girl like Karen knows that it can be emasculating to date someone who treats you more like a child than a boyfriend. I dated a girl like Karen for over a year, and let me tell you, it can get annoying. I'm not sure what route Sprink is going with this character, but for now, seventeenth seems like a safe bet, for her.

16th - Cheyenne. Other than the fact that she has Steven Tyler lips, Cheyenne seems pretty cool. I can't do many impressions, but I do accents, so I can connect with her on at least a partial level. She's a cool character, and I see the potential she has for causing drama, but the top fifteen characters are more interesting, in my opinion. I do like Cheyenne, though.

15th - Anneliese. She's really cute, I have to say, and she seems so excited to be a part of this game. I think the thing everyone noticed was that she's supposedly a princess, yet has dime-store shoes on. Whether this is a hint at her secret, or a clever red herring, we'll have to wait and see.

14th - Vinnie. Vinnie seems like a cool guy, and I love his shirt. Sprink mentioned that he thinks Vinnie looks a bit like John Travolta in his younger days, but I don't really agree. Hair-wise, yes. But John Travolta had a thinner, more angular face back in the day. Vinnie kind of looks like 70s Travolta mixed with 00s Travolta. Either way, I love me some Travolta. The thing you've probably noticed about Vinnie, is that he has an obvious birth defect. Now, I'd like to think that the cast can look past his disability and accept him as a valid competitor. At least, I would think that, if it wasn't for what happened to Luke. Vinnie'll definitely get a fair amount of screentime, even if he ends up being the first one out. I mean, you can't have someone with such an obvious difference, and just ignore it. It has to be addressed. It's human nature, at least one contestant is going to go, 'What happened to you?".

13th - Ginger. The girl's a pretty face, but is she more than that? Considering who the author is, I'd have to say she is. She seems quite self-absorbed, which is a trait I like in characters, most of the time. Usually, it's a male quality, though. 4/5 of the characters referenced ended up being more than met the eye, so there's hope for Ginger, too.

12th - Felicity. The last to be revealed, Felicity surely seemed like an interesting character. She's smart, but she's low-key about it. That's cool, especially since I like to be low-key about my intelligence, too. I like that she's not a bookworm, like Sabrina or Quinn. She's not all book smart, as she appears to have some street smarts too. She's also realistic, as she recognized the real world application of money. I can easily see her rising up the list.

11th - Prescott. Prescott's got some interesting qualities. I like that he's rich and reclusive. That's not a new idea or anything, but I've always found it to be an interesting one. You see all these celebrities strolling the red carpet and going on photo shoots, and then there are those that like to lock themselves away from the world. I think it's pretty cool, to be honest.

10th - Shanise. Okay, now, I know a lot of people looked at her image and said, "LeShawna". I...I have to agree with them, on that. I looked at her image, and I said, "LeShawna". Maybe her secret is that she's actually LeShawna? That would be pretty cool, I think, I doubt that's it, but, you know. I like sassy characters, more often than not. Also, her character model is wagging her finger in a deliciously sassy manner. That's gold.

9th - Zach. In addition to looking like MCA from the Beastie Boys, Zach is one of those joker characters. You know, a wisecracker, a funny man, a class clown. I like that he knows when to stop. It's so easy to just make a character who doesn't know when to stop, toss them in a story to fill an extra slot, and cut them early. Zach may very well be an early out, but I doubt he's one of those rushed late minute cut-'em-quick characters. His smirk is delightful to suggest that.

8th - Elisabeth. Okay, maybe she's only this high because I'm hoping for Ophelia 2.0, but here she is at number eight. I know she's not Ophelia 2.0, but she does have certain qualities that remind me of Ophelia. Ophelia wasn't a bleeding heart, but she did like to help people out. Honestly, if I had to pick someone, Elisabeth would be my pick for first out. I hope that she isn't, because a bleeding heart sounds like an interesting character. Especially in a story where everyone has a secret to hide.

7th - Jack. How can you not love this guy? He's so spunky, and so cool. I think he reminds me a little of Tyler, just in how enthusiastic he sounds in his bio. He's an Indiana Jones-type adventurer, which is pretty sweet. I've always like the Indiana Jones movies. I hope he's not just a novelty character, like Patsy.

6th - Hildegarde. The people who said "LeShawna" in response to Shanise also said "Eva" when Hildegarde was uploaded. Really, how can you blame them? The similarity is undeniable. I'm sure she'll become much more developed than Eva, though. Big, gruff chicks like Hildegarde aren't really known for how well they do, so I hope she sticks around for a while. I made a special demand that she say the iconic "I must break you", at some point in the story. I dub her, "The Yukon Express".

5th - LeVar. You can all thank His Broliness for giving this guy his amazing name. You can also thank LeVar Burton, I guess. I like that LeVar is a bully. In case you don't know, a lot of my favorite characters start out as complete jerk-offs. Hopefully, he'll have some kind of development. I can see him coming into conflict with Ollie and Vinnie, especially, since they're different and LeVar's a bully. Now, I'm asking for development, I'm not asking for a complete 180. It wouldn't really be practical if LeVar just went, "Whoa, I suck, I think I'll change." Brad more or less tried that, and he learned that it didn't work that way.

4th - Quimberly. She's a "parody Sue" character, as far as anyone can tell. She sounds really interesting, as far as her bio goes, just for how incredible she seems to be. While I wouldn't quite say she's the most beautiful girl in the world, she is pretty good looking. What really interested me was her expression. She looks so smug. She knows how amazing she is, and she plans to use that. I like that, and once again, I'm reminded of Wilderness-Era Brad.

3rd - Yuko. I don't know why I like Yuko as much as I do. She's gotten a lot of Sebastian comparisons, and as Sprink knows, I didn't like Sebastian at all until somewhat late into Best of the Best. But, maybe that's why she's this high, because I really like Sebastian now? I think it also has to do with how she obtains her information. She seems to be one of those characters that smiles, and patiently waits in the shadows until she has what she wants. Not in an evil way, but in an ambitious way. For me, that's a very attractive quality for a character to have.

2nd - Douglas. The juicy contradiction Starburst commercial is apparently what inspired his Scotch-Korean background. I love that commercial. His bio mentions that his mother is from Korea. I'm guessing by "Korea", Sprink means South Korea, because they don't let you leave North Korea, or enter for that matter. I like that he has difficulties about being biracial. He's teased, but he still tries to embrace both sides of his background. That's pretty cool of him.

1st - Brody. Brody was made for me, but not literally. Brody's pretty much the ultimate bro, he even plays a keytar. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's bascially a guitar and a keyboard in one. It's pretty much the coolest instrument ever. I like that he's had financial struggles in his past. Something like that can really humble a guy, and make them appreciate the value of money. So, I know if he wins, he won't blow it on visors with pre-frayed brims, and frisbees.

Well, there you have it, my rankings of the Total Deception Island characters. Let me tell you, this took a long time, too. I started this around 7:50-ish, and it's almost 9:50, now. I hope you like the rankings, bro.