User blog comment:Owenandheatherfan/Total Drama Writer/@comment-1264520-20120716010116/@comment-1264520-20120716014956

Alright. I'll start off with simple factors and then move into the more complex critique points. The spelling in this excerpt is great; I don't see any blatant mistakes anywhere. However, I will point out that, since there is no indication of whether this is a professional or personal excerpt, "dafuq" and "fleedle" are not words. Next, grammar. I'd like to point out a problem I immediately spotted. I think there is a verb tense problem. The first sentence reads One day, Howard and Calvin were sitting in the living room watching TV. After that, it seems the rest of the excerpt is in present tense. Always remember to pick a side; preferably, past tense is best because you should write everything as if it's already written. Also, for grammar, I want to point out that, for an excerpt with dialogue, everything looks bunched together and it's a bit difficult to understand who's saying what (especially since two guys are talking). I would recommend using hard returns every so often to separate some of the dialogue text as well as give your readers the illusion that your story is longer. :3 Finally, the plot and variety. Uhhh, I guess it is an excerpt, so I can't really say anything under critical value because I don't know really know what's going on. It does sound interesting, though. However, I can say that it sounds rather static (as well as the characters) and could use more description. Perhaps, let us know more about Calvin and Howard, how the unnatural events occurred, etc.

I hope I shed some light here. ^_^ -- BB