User blog:Rhonda the stalker fan!/The Lost Christmas Special of Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

The Lost Christmas Special of Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

''Note: The following contains archive footage mashed together from what could be salvaged from cameras. This takes place after the third episode of Easy, Breezy, Beautiful so be weary of spoilers from then… ''

The two teams meet in the town square, now decorated in pine trees decorated with Christmas lights. Snow was dusted on the streets and rooftops, despite not a single cloud being in the sky.

“It’s a Christmas miracle!” Lila exclaims.

“Or nightmare,” Vicky sighs.

“Welcome everyone,” Flutina says in a sing songy manner. “How do you like the decorations?”

“Dude I’m always one for the holiday season,” Karen states. “But it’s the middle of summer. Isn’t it a bit early?”

“Maybe its Christmas in July?” Ramsey suggests.

“Not quite,” Chip states. “By the time this episode airs it will be Christmas time! So we’ll be hosting our very own Christmas special! So you’ll all be designing some festive wear! What will they be wearing Flutina?”

“I’m glad you asked Chip,” Flutina replies. “You’ll be making ugly Christmas sweaters! Whoever can make a prettier ugly sweater wins!”

“Why are we trying to make them pretty when they’re suppose to be ugly?” Vicky asks.

“Oh Vicky misunderstandings are just unmarried understandings,” Chip replies. “We have an extra special surprise for you all this week! Unlike your previous fashion challenge, you’ll have models for your sweaters. Who are our models Flutina?”

“The models will are two feisty females who are no stranger to fame,” Flutina states. “Though obviously not as famous as us.”

“Of course,” Chip agrees. “For the Killer Catwalks your model is…Heather from some reality show of some sort.”

Suddenly standing next to the Catwalks is an Asian teen filing her nails.

“Wow!” Heath exclaims. “She’s so much fiercer in person!

“I know, I know,” Heather says. “It’s me the winner of Total Drama World Tour.”

“I thought that was Alejandro,” Alfred states.

Heather grabbed Alfred by his collar. “You thought wrong.”

'''Pietro (confessional): Now that Alejandro was a true man’s man. He had it all; abs, meaty pecs, biceps, strong, smooth leg muscles, a muscular as-“ '''<

-Before this turns into a porno, the camera focuses back on the Rampaging Runways, where a blonde woman in a red dress suddenly stands next to them.

“For the Runways your model will be Celebrity Manhunt’s own Blaineley!” Chip states.

“Hey hunties!” Blaineley greets. “The queen has arrived!”

“Yeah I arrived minutes ago,” Heather states.

“Psh, that’s cute,” Blaineley replies. “But we’re talking about a woman here, not a little girl.”

“Well you are the one who dies her roots,” Heather states.

“Ha!” Blaineley laughs. “At least I have hair to take care of. I think your wig missed another bald spot.”

“Let’s save the cat fight for the cat walk ladies,” Chip interrupts. “Now for materials, you’ll have glitter, candy…”

“And feathers,” Fluntina adds. “But to get feathers you’ll have to pluck them yourself from live ducks!”

“Ducks?” Danni asks. “Ducks are some of the most weird animals ever. Did you know that feeding ducks white bread increases certain hormones that causes them to rape other ducks?”

“Why in tarnation do you know that?” Betsy asks.

“And that ducks are necrophiles,” Danni went on. “In fact ducks rape each other so much that female ducks have their vaginas grow like corn mazes. And to counter that male ducks have grown their penises like corkscrews!”

“That’s what Gretchen said about me,” Spense states.

“She said you have a duck penis?” Travis asks.

“Uh…yes?” Spense replies confused.

Matilda smacked Spense on the head.

“The Argentine blue bill has a seventeen long inch penis,” Danni said. “You’d like it Betsy, it has to lasso other ducks with their dong.”

“Can we stop talking about darn duck sex already!” Betsy yells.

"Oh sure,” Danni replies.

“Thank you,” Betsy says.

“Let’s talk about hyena sex!” Danni suggests. “Hyenas have the coolest vaginas, that-“

Betsy punches Danni in the head and knocks her unconscious.

“Now get on it fashionistas!” Chip states while striking a pose.

Later, the teams comply their sweaters, except for Karen who runs around in her glorious nakedness and Matilda who chastises and chases after the lawyer.

“Why is Karen doing that again?” Heath asks.

“Karen says its part of her strategy to distract the other team,” Alfred replies, eating some of the candy they’re using.

“It looks like its work on that Ramsey guy,” Pietro states. “What an unmanly punk, staring at naked women. True men only look at the glory of other hot nude dudes, right Alfred?”

“Uhh…” Alfred stammers.

'''Heather (confessional): That Karen is a great strategist. I mean running around naked? If I had done that I totally would’ve won World Tour! '''

At the Rampaging Runways, the contestants continue working while Blaineley gives herself a spa treatment.

“How did I fall unconscious again?” Danni asks.

“For the last darn time,” Besty says. “A meteor fell out of the sky and conked you on the noggin.”

“Well that makes sense,” Danni replies.

“I love Christmas time,” Lila states. “A time for peace around the whole world.”

“Especially Russia,” Betsy whispers.

“This ugly Christmas sweater thing is kind of stupid when you think about it,” Travis states. “I mean originally it was suppose to be ironic like it was made by your Grandma, but now actual companies sell these things for lots of money!”

“Your mom is sold for lots of money,” Spense shouts.

An awkward silence follows.

“Less talking more making me free clothes!” Blaineley shouts.

Later, the sweaters are finished and models backstage.

“Alright Flutina,” Chip states. “Why don’t we see what the Killer Catways have prepared?”

“I agree Chip,” Flutina replies. “Show us the sweaters!”

Heather struts out in a green sweater. Stapled to the back of it is Alfred in a reindeer costume.

“Ooh that reindeer will be tough to be beat,” Chip states. “Runways show us your sweater!”

Blaineley walks out in a blue and gold sweater featuring a menorah and a spinning dreidel.

“This was suppose to be a Christmas sweater,” Heather states.

“Its called being culturally aware and inclusive you dumb Asian w****!” Blaineley screams.

“I’m tired of everybody calling it the Holiday season when no one gives a flying f*** about Hannukah or Black Christmas!” Heather yells. “Like how no one gives a shit about you Mildred!”

“You seem to care an awful lot about me,” Blaineley replies. “Beacause unlike you, I’m actually famous!”

The two divas growl and get in each other’s faces.

“This cannot end well,” Ramsey states.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Spense asks.

Ten minutes later, Heather and Blaineley lay dead in pools of their own blood.

“Well that escalated quickly,” Ramsey says.

“No, no really? Chip yells. “You fucking think so, do you dumbass!”

“What are you going to do?” Lila asks.

“Me?” Chip replies. “Its not me, its we! You shitsacks are all accomplices to this!”

Flutina pulls out a revolver from her cleavage. “New challenge bitches! You help us bury the bodies or we all spend our lives rotting in the big house.”

A few of the contestants gulp but all of them nod their heads.

“And no body breathes a word of this,” Chip states. “EVER. Or else you’ll join these fuckers.”

Flutina turns towards the camera. “Shit, we’ve got witnesses.”

She starts firing the gun as the cameraman runs away. The screen turns to static...

The identity of whoever complied this tape together remains unknown. Our only clue is that they left this note; It was not Rhonda. Chip and Flutina have not been seen the ending of Easy, Breezy, Beautiful and are still expected to be at large…

'''MERRY CHIRSTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS :D '''