User blog:Gideoncrawle/TDI-G&S Sneak Preview

But when people lapse into poetry you can never be quite sure what they mean.


 * --W. S. Gilbert, The Mikado story adaptation

Here is a brief (relatively speaking) excerpt from my gargantuan project, Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan (TDI-G&S). The scene is Gwen and the killer in the lodge—the same scene that was the springboard for my acclaimed short story, Legacy. The final version may have a somewhat different structure than the excerpt presented here.

The narrative, called the Guide to Incidents, is interspersed with verse references from the G&S plays. Without these references, the narrative would be similar to the episode plot summaries on the main TD wiki, albeit with a more storylike flavor.

Verse references are are numbered in the format  xx.yy, where xx is the TDI episode number, and yy is a sequence number. Thus, the notation 08.39 would refer to the 39th incident reference in episode #8 (“Up the Creek”).

Use the browser’s Edit\Find command, searching on the xx.yy number string, to move quickly back and forth between the Guide reference and the related verse. Don’t include the opera name in the search string.

Indents indicate a change in singer (in the original, not necessarily in the TDI reference) and are generally included to help give the reader a feel for the music, although there are a few cases where they also help to inform the verse.

The verses include hyperlinks to a website (the Gilbert & Sullivan Archive) where readers so inclined can hear the tunes on MIDI files. Timestamps are included for verses that aren’t at the beginning of a file. (Why does the Archive have a Boise State University domain name? Your guess is as good as mine.)

Underlined terms are defined in the Glossary.

Guide to Incidents
During the climactic Duncan vs. Chef battle, Gwen, frustrated that nobody seems willing to heed her advice, goes to the main lodge for a snack. She is not alone for long. As she sullenly munches her sandwich, a man with a hockey mask, a chainsaw and a prosthetic hook is seen standing behind her and glowering at her (Ruddigore 19.26). It is immediately obvious that this man is not Chef Hatchet. Gwen, assuming that the new arrival is an actor hired for the challenge, reacts with studied boredom (The Grand Duke 19.27).

Gwen’s “companion” is, of course, the real Escaped Psycho Killer With a Chainsaw and a Hook (EPKWACAAH). Although he could slay her at any time, he apparently wants terror as well as blood. Unsure of how to react to Gwen’s apathy, the killer stands passively as she lectures him on matters such as dental hygiene (The Gondoliers 19.28).

In the Control Center, Izzy directs everyone’s attention to the lodge monitor, noting with admiration that Gwen is taking on the killer (Princess Ida 19.29). Chef Hatchet is still in the tent, though, and Duncan is the first to realize that something is seriously amiss. Moments later, everyone dashes pell-mell for the lodge in a desperate bid to save Gwen (The Yeomen of the Guard 19.30).

In the lodge, the EPKWACAAH has had enough of Gwen’s professorial attitude. Determined to get a stronger reaction from the Goth than the academic curiosity she has shown to this point, he fires up his chainsaw, holds it aloft, and roars inarticulately (Thespis 19.31). Gwen’s reaction will never be known, for at this moment Chris and company burst into the lodge and frantically cry that Gwen’s companion is truly what he appears to be (The Pirates of Penzance 19.32).

No longer disinterested, Gwen screams (in a throaty alto that stands in marked contrast to the other girls that the viewer has heard scream) as the EPKWACAAH, in a “where were we?” moment, brandishes his chainsaw as before and roars again. Quickly regaining her composure, or perhaps lashing out instinctively, Gwen unleashes several swift kicks to her adversary’s jaw (The Yeomen of the Guard 19.33). The killer, who apparently has no stomach for a fight, stalks off in a huff as the cowardly D.J. faints dead away (Trial By Jury 19.34).

Verses
[EPKWACAAH – nature and incident 19.26] (MIDI file 2:25 – 4:38)

[http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/ruddigore/web_opera/rudd12.html Oh, why am I moody and sad? ]


 * Can’t guess!

And why am I guiltily mad?


 * Confess!

Because I am thoroughly bad!


 * Oh, yes—

You’ll see it at once in my face,

Oh, why am I husky and hoarse?


 * Ah, why?

It’s the workings of conscience, of course.


 * Fie, fie!

And huskiness stands for remorse,


 * Oh, my!

At least it does so in my case.

When in crime one is fully employed—


 * Like you—

Your expression gets warped and destroyed:


 * It do.

It’s a penalty none can avoid;


 * How true!

I once was a nice-looking youth;

But like stone from a strong catapult—


 * A trice—

I rushed at my terrible cult—


 * That’s vice—

Observe the unpleasant result!


 * Not nice.

Indeed I am telling the truth!

Oh, innocent, happy though poor!


 * That’s we—

If I had been virtuous, I’m sure—


 * Like me—

I should be as nice-looking as you’re!


 * May be,

You are very nice looking indeed!

Oh, innocents, listen in time—


 * We doe,

Avoid an existence of crime—


 * Just so—

Or you’ll be as ugly as I’m—


 * No! No!

And now, if you please, we’ll proceed.

[Gwen/EPKWACAAH – incident 19.27] (from “If the light of love’s lingering ember”, MIDI file 0:54 – 1:24)

So, specter appalling,

I bid you good day—

Perhaps you’ll come calling

When passing this way.

Your bogydom scorning,

And all your love-lorning,

I bid you good morning,

I bid you good day.

[Gwen/EPKWACAAH – incident 19.28]

I am a courtier grave and serious

Who is about to kiss your hand:

Try to combine a pose imperious

With a demeanor nobly bland.

That’s, if anything, too unbending—

Too aggressively stiff and grand;

Now to the other extreme you’re tending—

Don’t be so deucedly condescending.


 * Oh, hard to please some noblemen seem!


 * At first, if anything, too unbending—


 * Off we go to the other extreme—


 * Too confoundedly condescending!

[Izzy – incident 19.29] (from “When anger spreads his wing”, MIDI file 0:42 – 1:09)

For a fight’s a kind of thing

That I love to look upon,

So let us sing,

“Long live the King,

And his son Hilarion!”

[Gwen – incident 19.30] (from “Alas, I waver to and fro”, MIDI file 0:52 – 2:11)

And shall I reckon risks I run

When services are to be done

To save the life of such a one?

Unworthy thought! Unworthy thought!


 * We may succeed—who can foretell?


 * May heaven help our hope—farewell!

[EPKWACAAH/Gwen – incident 19.31]

Enough, your reign is ended;

Upon this sacred hill

Let him be apprehended,

And learn our awful will.

[Gwen/EPKWACAAH – incident 19.32] (from Finale Act II, MIDI file 5:26 – 6:01)

Is he to die, unshriven — unannealed ?

Will no one in his cause a weapon wield?


 * Yes, we are here, though hitherto concealed!


 * So to Constabulary, pirates, yield!

[Gwen – incident 19.33] (no longer performed – verse 4 of “Didst thou not, oh, Leonard Meryll” from Finale Act I)

Then, escaping from the foemen

Boltered with the blood you shed,

You, defiant, fearing no men,

Saved your honor and your head!

[D.J. – incident 19.34]

That she is reeling

Is plain to see!


 * If faint you’re feeling,


 * Recline on me!


 * I shall recover


 * If left alone.


 * Oh, perjured lover,


 * Atone! Atone!

Glossary
Note: The Gilbert & Sullivan Archivehas Glossary pages for most of the operettas under their respective home pages.

Boltered: covered with blood.

Unannealed: (properly “unaneled”) not having received the Sacrament of extreme unction (popularly known as “last rites”). A person who dies unaneled and unshriven (q.v.) is at risk of going to hell.

Unshriven: having one’s sins unconfessed, and therefore unabsolved. A person who dies unshriven and unaneled (q.v.) is at risk of going to hell.