Total Drama: Superstar Showdown

It's here! The fifth season in Toadgamer80's Total Drama series! In this season, twenty-two fan-favorite characters from past stories compete at the location of a previous season to win the awesome prize of two million bucks. Although, there are some changes: first of all, Chris McLean is no longer hosting, and the host position has been usurped by a dynamic duo from a previous season! There will be new friendships, relationships, and even new hidden secrets. Who will win? Who will lose? Be sure to tune in for the epic fifth season of Toad-al Drama: Total Drama: Superstar Showdown!

Staff
Roz - Hostess

Chef Hatchet - Cook

Gary - Intern

Dolph - Meddler Extraordinaire

Contestants
Alex

Arthur

Chelsey

Chrissy

Devin

Elena

Estrella

Flora

Helga

Julia

Kavren

Layla

MacKenzie

Nic

Ori

PJ

Puck

Tolkien

Trey

Trick

Veronica

Wolfgang

Chapter 1 - And The Stars Shine Again
"Hai, hai, hai!" says a fluttery, girly-sounding voice. "I'm your host this season, and I'm here at some random beach somewhere in the United States! This year, uh, twenty-two contestants will be competing here to win an awesome prize, also known as two million bucks! So, yeah. They'll be split into two teams, like usual, and get voted out and stuff... That kind of chiz. Oh, and if you're wondering what happened to Chris... Yeah, he kind of got fired by the producers, since he was getting old and annoying. Hehe, I totally agree. Chef will still be around, and I'm not the only one who's gonna host... Where be mah cohost? She's in charge of saying the rest of the stuff... Get over here!"

The noise of shuffling towards the host is heard. Then, another feminine-sounding voice, but less high and fluttery, starts to talk. "Hey, everyone... I'm the host's assistant... Anyway, these 22 contestants will have to survive the challenges, the harsh elements of the wild, Chef's nasty food, and each other... Every two days or so, they'll compete in some sort of challenge... New relationships and conflicts will be formed, and it sure is gonna be fun... Now, let's say hello to our first contestant... Hey, Roz, who was it again?"

"Uh, let's see... Here's the first contestant! It's Arthur, from Total Drama: Tiki Jungle. He was known for talking about his weight, peanuts, and being disturbing," describes Roz. "He's funny and weird, and the perfect first person to introduce."

A large ferry pulls up to the dock where Roz and Ari are standing. It honks its horn, and drops a fat boy off, who is wearing a shirt that says "Puber T" on it, short shorts, high midcalf socks, and black shoes.

"I'm morbidly obeeeese," says Arthur. "What's up, everybody? Man, this is a small season."

"Uh, Arthur, you're the first person here," says Roz. "Anyway, what have you been up to since you failed miserably in Tiki?"

"Ahem. I was the runner-up," says Arthur. "And I really have not been doing anything of importance. Just tightening my peanuts, teaching children about puberty, doing sketchy and disturbing things with Kavren, you know the deal."

"Uh, did you say teaching children about puberty... What's up with that?" Ari says, suspiciously.

"Hey, who are you? Chris did not inform me that you were hosting, and I have no idea who you are," Arthur says, even more suspiciously.

"Oh, yeah... I forgot that I wasn't supposed to be here... Yeah, I should probably go," Ari says, and she hops into a little boat, then drives away.

"She will be missed," says Roz. "So, yeah, Arthur. Puberty? Enlighten me, tehe."

"Well, after my inappropriate antics on Tiki Jungle, my mother, who's a middle school teacher, decided to let me come in and teach the little buggers sexual education. Yeah, it's very fun, and I get to say crude and dirty things, and not get in trouble. Every day, at 6:30, I have to be Puber T for a half hour, or else my pits will get sweaty," Arthur explains.

"Shauhsuahsauhshua," laughs Roz. "Well, that's, er, interesting, right? Haha, let's meet the next contestant. I wonder who it will be?"

"I do too, but we will find out in approximately ten seconds," Arthur says, pointing to the boat, which has the sound of footsteps coming out of it.

A tall, tanned and extremely attractive girl walks out, texting. She is wearing a grey striped shirt, a fashionable scarf, shorts, and brown slippers. She has long brown hair, and is scowling.

"Um, hey," scoffs Chelsey. "This is the place? I was expecting a cool mansion or something. Yuck, there better be electricity and showers here, I cannot live without my beautiful Snooki and K-Woww for more than twenty-three hours and fifty-seven seconds. You're the host? Where's Chris? As much of a jerk as he was, he was a lot cooler than you. You should really get some better clothes, that doesn't fit you. I bet that if you straightened up your hair and wore a pink dress or something, you would look beautiful, you know what I'm saying?"

"Well, it looks like you haven't changed at all..." says Roz in response. "How's Elle and Donny?"

Chelsey groans at the mention of the name 'Donny'. "You know, we really aren't public with our relationship. Heck, I don't even know if we're still dating. The guy's cool, but he's always making me go to The Wild World of Pants with him."

"I do enjoy that store, it's where I got my short shorts," explains Arthur. "And also, Kavren was right when he said you were a very attractive young woman. You could probably tighten my peanuts, right?" Arthur winks seductively at Chelsey.

"Dude, get away from me. If there's one kind of boy that I don't like, it's the fat, gross ones. You know, I really wish Elle was here, she would totally be the only one I'd talk to, out of this cast of morons," says Chelsey.

"I pride myself in being a moron. It's better than being normal and/or boring," says Arthur, waggling a finger.

"Well, you do have a good sense of humor, in a way, so I guess I can give you some PP for that," Chelsey responds. "PP means Popularity Points, by the way. Currently, you have two, since you would be a lowlife at school, but you're kind of funny. I have 1,000,000 PP, maybe you can get that many... if you have a complete makeover and lose about 150 pounds. Although, you could be a football player... Those sure do get a lot of friends. Let me get back to you on this, okay?"

"Soooo, let's meet our third contestant! This guy is from Total Drama Tokyo. He doesn't really like people, or socializing, and his name's Wolfgang. He got a really bad place in Tokyo, but he's back in another attempt to win a cash prize! Say helloooo to Wolfie!" Roz chirps.

Wolfgang stomps out of the bus. He's still wearing fashionable clothing, this time consisting of a black and white checkered shirt, a yellow scarf, and blue sweatpants. He is still not wearing shoes.

"That boat ride was horrendous. I hate boats, I almost barfed. Gee, thanks, Chris... Wait, where's Chris?" he says, his face starting to smile. "Is he dead? Did a shark eat him, or did Dolph carry him away? YES!"

"Nooo, Wolfgang, I'm the new host, you know me, right? Roz, from Tokyo," says Roz.

"Oh, you were that annoying and disturbing one who had a crush on that old guy," growls Wolfgang. "Anyway, I'm so glad I came here before Puck. He was annoying me to no end on the boat. I kept chucking my turkey sandwiches at him, but nothing worked, he just ate them and said that I was such a good friend. Grrrr."

"Ooooh," says Chelsey, looking at Wolfgang. "You're going to be pretty high on the popularity meter. Scarves are an automatic 1,000 points!"

"Popularity meter? What's this crap? I don't give a flying pancake about popularity, I have no friends at school!" yells Wolfgang.

"Mhm, I agree with what the guy with the interesting hair said, my only friend of importance is Kavren. Everyone else thinks I'm annoying, I wonder why?" Arthur says sarcastically.

The boat drops off a girl, who's slightly overweight, carrying a large bag filled with books, and is wearing a shirt of her favorite book/movie series.

"Helga! Glad you could make it!" says Roz happily. "How's it going?"

"Ah, fine, fine," says Helga. "I've just been reading books, saying rude things to others for no particular reason whatsoever, the usual..."

"Saying rude things to others for no particular reason whatsoever?!" gasps Wolfgang. "Dude, that's my entire life!"

"Oh, you're that Wolfgang guy who was a huge jerk to the fat kid, right?" Helga inquires. "Heh. You and him should have switched places, I quit watching Tokyo because of him."

"What's up, Helga? Remember me?" Arthur says annoyingly. "I was on your team, if I remember correctly."

"Ugh, get away from me, you moron," Helga snarks. "I don't appreciate the company."

"Glad to see you haven't gotten any different," responds Arthur snidely.

"Well, you look the same too, other than being fatter," Helga says.

"Oooooooh," mocks Chelsey. "Dude, you just got served. Not a very wise idea to mock the Queen of Sass herself. You know, my sister has been sassy lately, and I hate that, because she needs to be more like me."

"Lemme guess," snorts Wolfgang. "She's one of those obnoxious little 11-year-olds with D-cups, cell phones, and HeadNovels. The site is for ages 13 and up for a reason."

"C's," corrects Chelsey. "You have no right to talk about little Allison like that, she's beautiful, and more so than you'll ever be."

Wolfgang says in the confessional, "Whoa, first confessional. Humph. Chelsey annoys me, but she's really pretty. However, I don't like girls, I'm too grumpy. The one date I've ever been on, I complained that the girl's hair was half a centimeter too long, and then smashed a bowl of spaghetti in her face. Yep, I've got anger issues... UGH, THIS CAMERA IS SO ANNOYING, WHY DOES IT KEEP ZOOMING IN ON ME?!" He comes up to the camera, and punches it, breaking it into pieces. The tape turns to static and returns to the contestants.

A kid is then seen driving up to the five in a shiny, flashy red moped. He takes off his helmet, and jumps off the moped, landing on his hands. He keeps walking on his hands, and reveals himself to be a tall, somewhat awkward boy with an orange shirt depicting a banana, purple jeans, and sea green shoes.

"Fleedle-deedle," says Kavren. "Man, that ride here was totally bladvass. I moped-ed-ed across the lake, for Repeat's sake!"

"Please welcome the runner-up of Total Drama Revolution... Kavren!" chirps Roz, introducing the boy.

"KAVREN!" yells Arthur ecstatically. "You're finally here, bro! What an awesome ride, did you pick up some females along the way?"

"Nah, unless you count a few manatees that I saw on the way here," Kavren says in response. "Yeah, I said manatees. 'Cuz the geography here is totally frunked up."

"Oh, god," Chelsey snorts. "Kavren?! I thought I'd never see you again. Well, I won't be socializing with you anytime soon, k?"

"Aw, come on, Chelsey. We were cool friends, right? I think so, at least. Remember when we played Sausages?" Kavren says innocently.

"EW!" yells Chelsey. "Gross! Kavren, you sicko."

"You thought I was flirting with you? No, remember Abbey? Yeah, I wouldn't cheat on my little bloopy-pork," Kavren laughs.

Helga pipes up, while reading the first book of the season, "Kavren? What kind of a name is that? It's like Karen, but a weird hippie boy version. What were your parents thinking?"

"Well, Helga sounds like a viking woman's name," Kavren retorts.

"Maybe it is," Helga snorts. "You know, at least I'm not named Brunhilda. That's my mom's name."

Arthur laughs obnoxiously. "My mom is named Beth. Normal names for the lose."

"For the lose?" Wolfgang asks suspiciously. "You turdhole, it's for the win, noob. Get stuff right."

"Winning is too mainstream," responds Arthur. Wolfgang shakes his head in anger.

"Aaaaaand, the next contestant should be coming here any time now... Let's see, who is it," thinks Roz, looking at her cue cards. "Duncan! I mean... Wait, what? Oh, yeah. The next contestant is Flora! Remember, the boring girl from Tokyo? Yeah, she's back in action! Let's say hai to her!"

An average-looking girl with a Bidoof shirt steps off the boat. "Hello," she says.

Everyone stands there awkwardly without talking, until Kavren pipes up. "Hey, I like your shirt. Bidoof is pretty cool, I always used it as a HM slave, though," he says.

"I'm Flora," she says happily. "You guys look like a nice bunch, I hope I can make some friends."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh," gasps Chelsey. "You're one of the invisible girls! The unimportant girls who do nothing and mostly fade into the background at school! Man, I need to help you, big time. What's first? Hmmm. Makeup, clothing, or personality? I'll send you the DVD of Nebraska Shore, season one, soon... All right, that should be good for now."

Flora scoots away from Chelsey, staring at her with shifty eyes.

"Soooo, Flora. How's life been since you were unfairly kicked off of Tokyo, then called boring millions of times on national TV?" inquires Roz. "Uh, maybe I should have said that a bit more nicely..."

"No, no, it's fine," responds Flora, with a smile on her face. "I've been staying at my house, hanging out with friends, stuff like that. People like me back home, kind of, so that's pretty cool. Thanks for asking, nobody really cares about me..."

"I sure don't," Wolfgang growls. "That's not helping," whispers Roz.

The boat drops off a lazy-looking boy with long, brown hair that resembles the hair of a teen icon. He is wearing preppy clothes and holding almost nothing except a pillow, a blanket, a bag of suspicious-looking items, and a stuffed poodle.

"Hey, boys 'n' girls," says Alex. "What's happening? Man, I'm so tired, that boat ride took a lot out of me..."

"Alex!" Roz chirps. "Glad you could make it. How's everything been? Still lazy?"

Roz and everyone else glance at Alex, who's now on the ground curled up with his stuffed poodle, pillow, and blanket. "Oh, don't mind me," he says groggily. "Just catchin' up on some Z's."

"Oh, you were the tiki guy, right? Yes, I remember you. The one who had a relationship with the purple-haired chick, Sharissa," Arthur states.

"Whoa! No way! You're the guy that Rissy has been telling me about?! Wooow, I expected you to be a lot cuter, no offense," Roz says.

"Eh, none taken," mutters Alex. "Sharissa's a babe, and you're not. I can live with that."

"Sharissa actually informed ME that she broke up with you two weeks ago," Chelsey states. "Don't ask me how I know her, I've got some connections."

"...She did?" Alex gasps. He takes out his uPhone, checks HeadNovel, and reads her relationship status. "Single? ...Damn." Alex then goes back to sleep.

"Uh, I have no response to that. Next up is a contestant that was semi-popular, but she looks a lot different," says Roz extremely unenthusiastically. "So, please welcome everyone's favorite orange Tiki Jungle chick, Elena."

The boat drops off a young woman who looks very artificial. She is semi-attractive, but comically orange, has a large chest, is wearing skimpy clothing, and has long dyed blonde hair. "Why the crappy greeting?" she asks. "Anyway, hi and stuff." The second she steps onto the land, a bird craps on her hair. She brushes it off, and scowls.

"Oompa loompa bloopity pork," says Kavren in a singsong voice, referring to Elena's orange skin. Arthur makes a snide face and nods his head in approval.

"Ugh, it's you. That creep from Revolution, Karen or whatever," Elena says as she walks by Kavren.

"I've always wanted a human Barbie doll," says Alex as he wakes up. "You look different, are you sure you're the same Elena?"

"Of course I'm the same Elena, how stupid do people get?" Elena scoffs. "I just got prettier, duh."

"I'm Chelsey," greets Chelsey. "You totally just scream 'popularity'! I think we even go to the same school, but we haven't met. I swear, we could be really good buddies, what do you think?"

"Sure," says Elena, her tone suggesting that she's uninterested in becoming Chelsey's friend.

"Oh, then if you want to be rude, I'll show you rude," snaps Chelsey. "Ugh."

Elena walks all the way to the end of the group, away from everyone except Wolfgang. "You one of those Hooters waitresses?" Wolfgang asks suspiciously.

"Hooters? I got banned from that place," Arthur remarks. Elena slaps her forehead in disgust.

"Ahem," Roz clears her throat. Everyone turns to look at her, and she continues. "This next contestant is Trey, from Tiki Jungle."

"Ooooooh, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about. Something-you-put-food-on-in-a-crappy-restaurant is back in the hizzouse?" asks Arthur.

"Yep, but he's been going through some tension and personal stuff," responds Roz.

"Like what? Rashes from picking his butt all day?" Arthur says.

Roz ignores him, and the boat soon drops off a boy who looks nothing like Trey from seasons past. He isn't wearing much clothing except for boxers and a gray undershirt, and has one sock missing. He is extremely pale, and has dreadlocks.

"Oh..." he says. "Hi..." He steps off the boat, and sits down on the ground, playing with the grass.

"That guy doesn't look like Trey at all! He looks like a vampire," states Chelsey. "But don't get me wrong, I do love vampires, BTW. They're sexy. Especially that babe, Deadward Sullen." She makes a seductive purring noise.

"Aww, poor Trey. I mean, he was a kasshole and all, but he seems really messed up now," says Kavren. "I wonder what happened to him?"

"Let's find out," says Arthur, and he walks over to Trey. "Hey, remember me? Bullying is wrong, kid. You need to stop, or people will despise you."

"People already do despise me..." Trey sighs. "Leave me alone, I never liked you..."

"I dumped that fool," whispers Elena to Chelsey. "Although, he's cooler than you." Chelsey, offended, struts away.

A heavyset girl walks out of the next ferry. She is carrying many large bags, has an ellipsis written on her olive green shirt, and has short reddish hair.

"Guys, this is the next contestant... She's super famous, and if you don't know who she is, you've probs been living in a box!" Roz exclaims. "It's Patricia Jane Dotcubed, or better known as PJ."

"I lived in a box in Tiki Island..." Trey mopes. Everyone scoots away from him.

"..." says PJ. Many of the contestants cheer, except Alex, who shrugs.

"Man, I don't get the big deal about '...', it's not cool or funny or anything. Just really old," he states.

"Shut up, I have trouble expressing my feelings so I do it this way," says PJ grimly.

"You go, gurl!" cheers Chelsey.

"Peej, anything you wanna say to all of your fans out there and stuff?" Roz inquires. "I'm sure they'd love to hear it, hehe."

"Yes. I'm happy that you all support me..." PJ mutters. "I mean, '...'."

The next boat arrives, and this time, a young and fat-looking kid steps out. He has pistachio-colored hair, a shirt with maroon and white stripes, blue jeans, yellow shoes, and a gigantic smile on his face.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's Puck!" Roz says, introducing the newest contestant.

Wolfgang's eyes turn red, and he starts breathing heavily. "Jeez, dude, take a chill pill," Alex states.

The kid walks towards the rest of the contestants. "What's up, everyone? It's me, Puck! That boat ride was totally chill, right, guys? I saw a bunch of cool fish and stuff, and even some of my family! Hey, it's Wolfie."

"Get away from me..." mutters Wolfgang. "Come on, dude, let me have some down-time."

Puck heeds Wolfgang's warning, walks away from him, and then walks over to Chelsey. "Hey! You're Chelsey! My girlfriend talks about you CONSTANTLY. You're a lot hotter than I expected, babe. But yeah, Casey loves ya."

"Oh, Casey? Yeah, I talked to her once. She turned green and passed out. Sooo uncool. Although, I think Elle likes her... I wonder what's wrong with Elle? She's been acting really weird lately. Maybe I should take her temperature," Chelsey responds.

"Puck?" Kavren says. "Heh, funny name. You know, I had a fish named Puck, but Arthur ate it." Arthur burps loudly.

"Oh, Puck. You were one of the ones who said I wasn't boring, thank you!" Flora states kindly.

"...I was?" Puck shrugs. "Eh, whatever, if you say so."

"Eww," says Elena, looking at Puck. "Your hair is disgusting, it looks like someone barfed on it."

Puck says in the confessional, "I haven't been here for five minutes, and I've already been insulted by some chick... Huh. I wonder what that means? Maybe she's a little reluctant about meeting new people."

Yet another ferry arrives. This time, a gothic-looking girl with a nose stud, purple and black clothing, and long, jet-black hair steps out.

"I'm Estrella, and I will most likely hate all of you by the end of this season," she says dryly.

"This is Strelly, everyone! One of my teamies from last season! She's not the most social, but if you give her a warm welcome, she'll be fine! ...Right?" Roz says.

"..." says PJ.

"I could probably say something critical about all of you, but if I get any more sunlight, I'll probably turn to dust," Estrella states. She takes out an umbrella, sits down, and takes out a large book.

Helga looks at Estrella, with her eyes wide. "...I like you."

Roz is shown in the confessional. She says, "Hehe, well, Helga and Estrella are basically the same person. Wonderin' why we cast them together? Oh, we wanted to see if they'd be friends or enemies... Ugh, a bunch of happy fun smiley buddies will make the ratings drop! They need to fight!"

"Hmm," says Chelsey, jotting down something in a notepad. "Hmm, hmm, hmm. Goths. Well, they seem to be pretty well-known in the school I go to, even if it's for being creepy... Ah, who cares? Turn into a popular volleyball player, and good things will happen to you, I can feel it!"

"Go die in a hole," grunts Estrella.

"What book is that?" asks Helga. "I'm reading this awesome book called the Enigmatic Benedick Organization. It's about a bunch of kids who solve mysteries and whatnot."

"...I just finished that book," says Estrella dryly. "Amazing, right? Loved the part where Nick found the magic key and then used it to unlock Mr. Window's secret passage."

"YES!" yells Helga. "We're going to get along."

"Moving on..." Roz yells. "All righty! It looks like our next contestant is arriving now! It's everyone's favorite, or least favorite, gangsta-wannabe poseur, Devin."

A shrimpy kid with baggy clothes, long hair, and a ski cap with the letter "D" on it swaggers out from the next boat.

"Yo, yo, yo, wassup, m' peeps? I see dat bunches o' cool G's an' hipstas has a'ready arrived, yo. Wass chillin', m' villains? Y'all got swag, righ'?" he says, in a shrill voice.

"Um, what?" says Estrella.

"Ain't too hard t' unda'stand me, babe. Y' jus' gotta go wit' th' flow, y' kno' wha' I mean?" Devin says.

Right as Estrella is about to say something, a car pulls up to the contestants. Two people are shown, one is a balding, black man with glasses and a bushy mustache, and the other is a boy who is dressed somewhat like Devin, but is African American, has an afro, and is wearing an enigmatic shirt.

"Remember, sonny, have fun, be safe, and don't forget to change your diaper twice a day! We're falling behind!" says Mr. Gerard.

The boy awkwardly steps out of the car, and the other guy drives off. After an awkward silence, he says, "What's up, bitches?"

"Uh, Ori, first of all, no swearin'. Second of all, you were supposed to wait for your cue," says Roz. "We're doing a tight boy-girl-boy-girl thing, you see? And, since you don't have long hair anymore, you're not a girl. Just get in the boat or something."

"Shut up, lady! It's not my fault, it's my stupid dad's, for being so early," yells Ori. His eyes then turn wide, as he sees Devin. "OMIGOSH, DEVIN! ERBSVABVRSUETG!" he yells extremely happily.

"'Ey, do I know you, dawg? I think I's seen ya befo', but I don' r'membah when, yo," Devin responds.

"I'm your biggest fan, dude! How do you talk like that?! I try attaching 'yo' to my sentences, but I always sound like a smooth-wannabe poseur. Help me, yo!" Ori exclaims.

"Biggest fan? Where have we seen that before?" sighs Chelsey, rolling her eyes. Puck nods his head in agreement.

"Chelsey, you look absolutely gorgeous today. I really love your hair, you are such a beautiful person," gushes Ori, walking up to Chelsey.

"Yup, he's the same Ori," mutters Kavren.

"..." says PJ.

The next contestant arrives soon after Ori makes his introduction. This time, a girl comes up riding a bicycle. She is wearing oversized sunglasses, a shirt depicting a cartoon character, and many bracelets.

"Hey, Chrissy! This is Chrissy from Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, everyone, the third-placer. How are you doin'?" Roz chirps.

"You know, not too bad, actually," says Chrissy. "Oh, if you're wondering why I rode that bike instead of riding the boat, boats are too mainstream. I prefer to be more independent, you know?"

"Hello, Christian Your Mother," says Arthur, walking up to Chrissy. "I see that you've adopted the hipster subculture. You know, so many people are hipsters now, it is becoming mainstream."

Chrissy pulls a familiar-looking knife out of my pocket. "Remember this guy? Yeah, I brought him with, and I'm not afraid to use him."

"Well, at least I'm not the only one who brought a dangerous weapon to the competition..." Wolfgang mutters. When he realizes that many others are staring at him, he says, "Who said that?"

"Ew, Chrissy?" Elena says with a look of disgust. Chrissy looks at Elena, and says, "Wait, I thought we were friends..."

"Why would I be friends with a social reject like you? What are you talking about? You need to take a chill pill, gurlie," Elena scoffs.

"Don't worry," says Chelsey, moving toward Chrissy. "You may be a social reject, but you seem nice enough."

"Uh, thanks?" says Chrissy. "But yeah, I'm excited to be here. Hopefully, a fat and annoying kid won't screw up my chance of winning..." Chrissy glares at Arthur, who shrugs. "Oh, Julia should be coming any minute."

"K, maybe I should introduce her..." Roz states. "OK! Julia, the winner of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, is the next contestant you're gonna meet! She's one of two winners we have this season... Oops, spoiler! But yeah, here she is. She's kind of changed..."

Arthur grins evilly. "Time for some fun, right, Kavren?" Kavren nods enthusiastically.

A petite, brown-haired, smiling girl walks out of the next boat. "You don't know-oh-oh, you don't know you're beautiful!" she sings, listening to an MP3 player.

"Oh-oh-oh, that's what makes you beautiful!" sings Kavren, continuing the song. Everyone stares at him awkwardly, and he says, "What? Boys can't sing 1E? That's crappy."

Julia takes off her headphones. "Kavren, you can't sing at all, so you need to shut up," she says rudely. Her expression turns into a smile, and she introduces herself. "Hey, guys! I'm Julia, that chick who won Tiki. I am seriously obsessed with One Erection, so if you insult them in any way, I will destroy you emotionally."

"Hey, that's my thing," scoffs Helga.

"Ew, One Erection is the worst band ever, their fans are 95% twelve-year-old girls and 5% weird guys who live in their parents' basements. And that Larry Fashions guy is super ugly," explains Alex, while lying on the ground.

"IF YOU INSULT ONE ERECTION ONE MORE TIME, YOU LITTLE BUM, I WILL TAKE MY SUITCASE, AND I'LL--" yells Julia.

"..." says PJ, interrupting the raging Julia.

"Am I the only one who has no idea who any of these people are?" whispers Flora to PJ. "No, I agree," whispers PJ.

Julia walks over to Chrissy. "Chrissy!" she says happily. "You're a hipster now? Usually, when people claim to be 90's kids or hipsters or stuff like that, I just want to take a bowling ball and shove it in their eye sockets. But, you're really cool, so I'll let that one slide."

"Heh, yeah. You have a Fumblr? I'll totally follow you on that," explains Chrissy. "Mine's called 'pointy objects hypnotize the soul'. It's some motivational quote by some guy."

"Pointy objects hypnotize the soul? If I had to pick one sentence to describe my life, that would be it," states Estrella.

"Hey, Julia," Arthur says, trying to hold back laughter. "Larry Fashions is in a relationship with Louie, so you cannot have him. And Louie looks like a woman." Right after he says that, him and Kavren burst into obnoxious laughter.

"ARTHUR, SHUT UP!" she yells. Arthur nods his head, and says, "Mission accomplished."

The next boat drops off a young-looking boy with a large nose, a video game shirt, and long brown hair, who is shuffling many cards.

"Tolky!" says Kavren. "Hey, Arthur, this is my cousin, Tolkien. The one I was telling you about."

"Oh, the one who wasn't potty-trained until the third grade?" Arthur states. "Shhhhh," whispers Kavren.

"Tolkien, aieeeeeee!" Roz says happily, greeting the boy. "Hai, hai, what's up? How was your boat ride?"

Tolkien begins to sweat. "Well, this was a nice greeting. Hey, Kav. Hey, Roz. Hey, bunch of people who I don't know."

"Oh, you know me, I suppose," Estrella grumbles.

"Mhm. Estrella. Long time no see! Or short time, since it was only two weeks. Who here likes Magyk?" Tolkien asks.

"I love that game!" says Ori, at the same time Devin says, "What be dat?" Ori then shakes his head, and says, "Just kidding."

"Pitiful, kid. Just... pitiful," Helga states.

"Hmmmmm," says Chelsey, as she continues to jot down notes in her pink glittery notepad. "Well, nerds are obviously not very popular, but you are one of the most handsome nerds I've ever seen! Not saying you're hot or anything, but you can obviously do way better. I think that if you started to play lax, you would turn into one of the popular kids. That would be awesome, and your looks would definitely not go to waste."

The next boat soon arrives, and in it is a smiling, attractive blonde girl with posh clothes and a gray scarf on.

"Hi, everyone," she says, blushing. "I'm MacKenzie. You probably don't remember me, since I was one of the infamous 'boring' characters of Revolution, but if you do, that would be cool..."

"Hehehe," says Kavren. "I totes remember you. My good buddy Toad was obsessed with you, right?"

MacKenzie's smile turns into a frown. "Ughhh, Toad. Don't remind me of that little weirdo... But yeah, I'm an all-star. Surprising, isn't it? I bet you all expected Cammy to come instead."

"That would be way cooler," says Estrella dryly, looking up from her book. "Cammy is the one person in my life right now whom I don't abhor."

"Whom? Nobody says whom," Arthur replies.

"Uh, guys, I think we're supposed to be focusing on MacKenzie right now, she's trying to be nice to you guys, heh..." Roz explains.

"I'm not the biggest fan of being nice," mutters Helga. "But you seem kind of tolerable, so I'll give you a try."

MacKenzie blushes, again. "Thanks, it means a lot."

The boat makes an extremely loud noise. The contestants turn to look at it, and hear some spicy Latin music playing, as a pale boy with gelled-up hair, sunglasses, a shirt with Alejandro (the past TD contestant) on it, and green sweatpants walks out of the boat.

"Vas happenin'?" he asks, attempting to be cool and taking off his sunglasses.

"OMG, are you trying to copy Zane, you annoying little Alejandro wannabe? Your hair looks just like his, but waaaaay uglier! You unoriginal noob!" screams Julia.

"What?" Nic asks. "Anyway, hello, mis amores. My name is Nic Burromuerto, and I hope you guys all like..." Nic rips his shirt off and jiggles his naked moobs. "This."

"Wait, that's Nic? He wasn't fit, or attractive, last time I saw him..." Chrissy states to herself.

"Mmm, sí, te gusta esto, chicas? Hay más de donde éste procede," says Nic, while making model-like poses. "I've brushed up on my Spanish since I was here last. I hope that you women will like it."

"Oh, man... You again... You're even more of a fail than last time..." Trey says, as he wakes up.

"TREY?!" yells Nic. He begins to smile enormously, and then laughs gleefully. "Seems like you got your comeuppance, right, brother? Who's the villain now? Yours truly."

"Shut up, man... I don't care about being villainous anymore, I just want to be happy and not hated..." mopes Trey.

"I am not falling for your little games, you idiot. I know that this is just a ploy to get others to feel sorry for you," says Nic.

A large yacht sails to the dock, with a rich-looking girl wearing expensive clothing, and long brown/blonde hair, inside. She jumps off the yacht and lands on the dock, then brushes her hair off and groans.

"Ugh, hey, everyone," she says. "My name's Layla A. Knee, multimillionaire and heiress. I won last season, so if you haven't heard of me, you have absolutely no life."

"Where's Charles?" asks Estrella. "I had no idea what went on in the finale... I was too busy reading." Helga gasps, and says, "That's what I did in Tiki!"

"Charles is long gone, sister," Layla groans. "I really miss him, though, since now I have to do all my stuff myself. How much does that suck? Unless, of course, I can find a new butler... Any volunteers?"

"Well, I's totes woul' do it, but I got otha' plans, yo. Don' get m' wrong, gurl, you's pretty 'n all, but I's not th' butla type," Devin explains. "Word."

"Yeah, I'm not a fan of helping greedy young women, sorry," Helga says dryly.

"Excuse me?" snaps Layla. "Hmph. I suppose I'll just... do physical work. Wait, what about you over there? Tan chick."

"Me?" Chelsey says. "Well, you sure are pretty! I love your hair, girl. Do you style it yourself? Mm, mm, mm. That's some high-quality hair, ladies and gentlemen."

"Er, thanks?" Layla says. She then looks at the next boat, and the person inside of it. "...Who's that?"

The ginger flips her hair around, and waves to the rest of the contestants.

"Wait. I would have definitely recognized her. Are you sure that's a former contestant, Rosalind?" Alex asks groggily.

"Yep!" Roz says enthusiastically. "This is Veronica. Remember, the one from Total Drama School?"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaat," Devin asks shrilly.

"Hi, guys!" Veronica says happily. "I'm Veronica. You guys can call me Ronnie or whatever, it doesn't matter. Yes, I'm Amanda's former crony, I don't want to be reminded of it."

"You sure have gotten attractive since School ended... And you grew a neck, just like all of us. I have no idea how that happened, I just woke up one morning and I had a neck. Cool, huh?" Alex says.

"Veronica!" says Flora. "I would have preferred Emilee, but you're one of my heroes. I hope that you can tell all of these meanies that being boring is actually cool."

"..." says PJ.

"I'm also one of the boring girls," MacKenzie says. "Although, I was told that I was picked because of my backstory, which is..." MacKenzie starts to sniff. "Anything but boring..." A single tear falls down her cheek.

"Chillax, woman. Being boring is sometimes fun. Like, look at Flora. She is boring, but has a decent fanbase," Arthur states, trying to confort MacKenzie.

"Same with Nile. Like, nobody likes him, but he's really cute and blonde and plays the guitar and is totally underrated," says Julia, explaining her love once again.

"You know who else is cute and blonde and totally underrated?" Roz says.

"Jerome?" asks Kavren.

"Noooo," responds Roz. "Our last contestant! Be sure to give a hearty welcome to the beloved, I think, skater known as Trick!"

"Oh, no. Trick? That dude was mean, yo," whispers Ori.

"Well, at least his poopy girlfriend, Cammy, isn't here," says Kavren. "We can vote him out first or something."

A blonde boy walks out of the last ferry to come. He has gelled blonde hair, a striped shirt, a chill expression, and blue jeans. He somewhat resembles Puck as well.

"Hey," he says coolly. "What's up?"

"Hello, Trick," says Nic valiantly. "Th' name's Nic. I enjoyed your manly charms on Total Drama Revolution, dude. Care to teach me how to work my magic on the ladies?"

"Well, hey, little dude," smiles Trick. "I don't know about that, but you seem pretty cool, bro."

"Fine, I can teach myself, I don't need some dumb blonde dude telling me what to do," huffs Nic in a rage.

"Heyyyyy, Tricky," purrs Chelsey. "Long time no see."

"Hey, looks like some of my old teammates are here, sweet. And that dude," Trick points to Ori. "But Chelsey, I could have sworn that you hated me, plus I have a beautiful girlfriend."

"Oh, I do hate you. But you're hot now," says Chelsey. After a pause, she says, "Let's... ignore everything that happened in the last twenty seconds."

"Trick, Cammy's been telling me all about you," giggles MacKenzie.

"Yeah, me and her are still going strong," says Trick. "Two years, dudette."

"Congratulations, I'm sure everyone is so impressed that you've been dating some girl who nobody cares about for two years. Way to inform the entire viewing world of this spectacular news," says Helga extremely rudely.

"Sorry, but you just made a terrible first impression on me," says Trick. "I'll stay away from you, I think."

"Whoo-hoo. Go for it. I don't care," scoffs Helga.

"TEAMS!" yells Roz. "Now's the time where you will be getting them. Awesome, right? Anyway, the first team is Devin, Ori, Trick, Tolky, Alex, PJ, Helga, Layla, Estrella, Julia, and Chrissy. What do you guys wanna be called?"

"Th' Swagged Out Citrus Fruits, yo," Devin says.

"..." says PJ. "I would have preferred a team named after me or my catchphrase..."

"That's the worst team name I've ever heard in my entire life. Even worse than Over Nine Thousand, and Killer Apples. Apples can't kill you, unless there's like a venomous snake in them or something. That would be epic, though," Estrella says.

"Swagged Out Citrus Fruits? Doesn't make much sense, but k! All righty, the other team is... basically everyone else, meaning Arthur, Kavren, Wolfgang, Puck, Nic, Trey, Chelsey, Elena, Flora, Veronica, and MacKenzie."

"Whoo-hoo! Teammates again! Can't you just taste the excitement?!" Puck says happily.

"You're going to taste some blood soon..." Wolfgang grunts.

"All right, Team 2, time to decide your name. Anyone got any good suggestions that you could use for--" Roz says.

Arthur immediately shouts out something, interrupting Roz. "The Hopalong Ralphcakes."

"...I was just about to say that," gasps Kavren. "I love ralphcakes."

"Eww," snorts Wolfgang. "What's a ralphcake? And how can they hop, they're inanimate objects, if they're cake. Also, even if they could hop, where do they hop along? A road or something? This makes absolutely no freaking sense, leave it to Arthur to make a terrible team name."

"Yeah, this team name sucks," complains Elena. "It should have been 'Team Elena is Awesome and Going To Win'."

"But she's not," scoffs Chelsey.

"Excuse me, madam, but I have just as good of a chance as you, even better, maybe. Since the last three winners were chicks with five-letter names ending with the letter A, that opens up an opportunity for me," says Elena.

"Or Helga, or Flora. Or Julia or Layla again. And who said that that was a rule? You're just an attention-seeking, desperate, unpopular little slug," Chelsey scoffs.

Roz, ignoring the two's fight, begins to talk. "Well, that wraps up the first episode! Who will prevail? Who will fail? Will the Hopalong Ralphcakes or the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits win tomorrow's challenge? And how will the contestants react to each other? Find out the answers to these questions and more, on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!"

Chapter 2 - School of Fort Knocks
"Soooo, hey, everybody! I'm Roz, obviously the host of this season, and I guess it's time to do a recap!" says Roz enthusiastically, standing on the beach where everyone else can be seen in the distance. "Um, last episode, not much happened except for the contestants getting introduced and whatnot. Wolfgang and Puck still have the same sort of relationship, love-hate or whatever you wanna call it. Some contestants, like Veronica, Trey, and Elena have changed quite a bit, while others, like Arthur, Kavren, and Estrella haven't changed at all! They were split into two teams, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits and the Hopalong Ralphcakes, and they are about to have their first challenge today... if I can think of one! All righty, time to see how our contestants are doing! I'll show them to their hotels and stuff."

"Oh my god, guys, I'm like totally heartbroken right now, Zane deleted his Tweeter because some idiot kept trolling and harassing him!" Julia cries on the Citrus Fruits' side of the beach. "I swear, when I find the troll who did that, I'm gonna twist his neck over and over again, then use it as a Slinky."

"Chill out, dudette, no need to be so violent. He's just some celebrity who you'll probably never meet," Alex explains.

"Um, excuse me, that's not true. I've been in the same country as him before, so take that," scoffs Julia. "Ugh, stupid 1E haters are just asking to be strangled."

"Julia, nobody said anything about hating One Erection, Alex just said that you'd never meet this guy, which is obviously true," says Helga. "Besides, their music stinks."

"It does, doesn't it? It's so sweet, it almost gave me diabetes last time I listened to it. I prefer listening to Skilletz, dubstep is the best genre of music," Estrella says.

Arthur is shown chuckling loudly on the Ralphcakes' side, then whispers to Kavren, "Is it bad if I admit that I was the person who trolled Zane? I didn't even say anything bad, he is just a really sensitive fellow."

"Rsrsrs," laughs Kavren. "Yeah, Art, you're a funny dude. But it's fine, that Zane guy will have his Tweeter account back in approximately a minute, I'm guessing."

"Yo, Roz! Where are our cabins, yo?" Ori yells to Roz. "I gotta take a mojo dump, G."

"'Ey, brotha, dat ain't how th' true gangstas say it, y'know? Real swaggie-meisters don't talk 'bout poopin', it be nasty," Devin says. "Potty humah in a whole be nasty, d00d. It ain't funny."

Roz motions the contestants to walk over to her, and they all do. They then proceed to walk over to one cabin, and a bunch of bags on the other side of the property.

"Don't tell me we have to all share one cabin... I can't stand being around hundreds of sweaty, obnoxious men," Wolfgang states. "Just putting that out there."

Roz shakes her head, and starts to laugh. "Nooo, definitely not," she says. "Anyway, here's the dealio. The winning team of each night will be sleeping in that cabin, which has wi-fi, a hot tub, a snack bar, and all of this other cool stuff that totally wasn't paid for by stealing money from past winners, also known as Carson. Who cares? He was annoying. Aaaaand, the losing team each night will have to sleep in a tent, there's a gigantic group of them over there that you guys will all have to set up by yourselves, with no help from me. There's also a beach down there, like you guys all know, which can be used for romantic scenes and haha, that kind of stuff. Soooo, who wants to know our first challenge?"

"If it involves physical work, then definitely not me," Layla says.

"Dude, that's what I was gonna say," Alex says. "But you're just whiny cause you don't have that Charles guy, and for me, I've been lazy all my life."

"Uh, that's not exactly something to be proud of," explains MacKenzie.

"First challenge!" yells Roz. "See those woods over there? All right. You guys' job is to get a bunch of materials and stuff from the woods over there to build forts. Once you build your forts, the team with the bigger fort gets an advantage in the next part of the challenge, which is capture the flag with the forts. Whoever wins the challenge wins invincibility, and the losing team has to vote someone out. Dun dun duuuuun! Now, get going, we've got an hour to find materials, then it's capture the flag time."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chris never gave us time limits," Tolkien says. "Uh, not that I'm bashing you or whatever... Do whatever you want, Roz." He then blushes, and tries to cover it up.

Chelsey is shown with the Hopalong Ralphcakes, gathered around in the forest. "All right, guys, we need to split up if we want to do this stuff effectively. Arthur and Kavren, obviously, and maybe Wolfgang and Puck--"

"NO!" yells Wolfgang. "And plus, who made you the boss?"

"I know, right?! I should totally be the leader of this team, since I'm way more popular and prettier than you," Elena scoffs. "Right, guys? Aren't I pretty?"

Everyone looks at the comically orange, grinning girl, and Flora says, "Uh, sure, I guess..."

"I used to think you were pretty, but then you brutally dumped me the second I got back from Tiki Island... I can't get over that..." Trey says quietly.

"Hey, Trey, your peanuts are loooose," Arthur taunts. Trey shoots a mean look at Arthur. "Come on, noodle, if you want to not get voted out first, you must come with us to find some wood," Arthur says.

"All right... As long as you don't talk or be annoying..." Trey sighs.

Kavren, Arthur, and Trey walk into the woods. Kavren flips over a log, and finds nothing except a bunch of pill bugs, and they all rapidly spring onto him. He laughs, and exclaims, "That tickles! Oh, Art, should I get this log?"

"I suppose it could be a good peanut-tightening tool..." Arthur contemplates. "Of course, not for me, but for St. Nick. Now, let's go."

Kavren picks up the log and puts it under his arm. He jogs back to the campsite, and plops it down next to Elena. "Hey, oompa, whatcha doin' here? You should be doing the crappy wood-finding stuff with us," Kavren says.

"Yeah, but you know, nobody likes me, so there's no point in doing it," Elena grumbles. "I'll just guard the wood."

"Hehehe," Kavren laughs immaturely. "The wood." He then runs away, and back to Arthur and Trey.

Chelsey is then shown walking around in the woods with Veronica, Flora, and MacKenzie. "All right, girlies, I am going to give you some tips on how to become popular," Chelsey says.

A gigantic log is thrown at Chelsey from off-screen, and she falls over. Wolfgang waves from a hill, and Puck says to him, "Hey, bro, don't be so violent. Take a load off."

Veronica whispers quickly, "All right, girls, let's go!" Her, MacKenzie, and Flora then all run off, away from Chelsey. Once Chelsey gets up, she notices that everyone is gone, fixes her hair, and then picks up the log.

Wolfgang and Puck walk up to her, with Puck looking glum and Wolfgang laughing obnoxiously. "How was that log, Chelsey?" he snorts.

"Ugh, where did those boring girls go? I need to talk to them," Chelsey mutters. "And also, where's Nic? I haven't seen him all day."

"Oh, he was being annoying back there, so I kind of pushed him into the lake," Wolfgang explains. "Eh, he will be fine."

Nic walks up to Wolfgang, Puck, and Chelsey, holding all sorts of logs and materials for building the fort. "Vas happenin'?" he asks flirtatiously. "As you can see, me and Abby got lots and lots of tools for you guys."

"Abby does not exist, you moron. She's an inanimate object, and she's not even a she, unless of course, you're a she," Wolfgang grunts.

"OMG, Nic. How did you get all this stuff? Well, you sure are helping a lot, so I think that you get 100 PP for the day. Puck, since you're the, er, heaviest, why don't you carry all this wood to the campsite so we can get to work building the fort?" Chelsey says sweetly. She throws all the logs onto Puck, expecting him to catch them, but he only collapses under the weight.

The scene then changes to the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits, who are on the beach, building their fort slowly.

"..." says PJ, as she takes a log from the forest. "Where are Chrissy and Julia..."

"Oh, yeah, they went in the woods. Probably pooping or something," Alex says groggily, while lying down on the sand. "Oh, and if you ask me why I'm not working, your answer will be the finger. I'm too lazy, eh."

"Come on, little guy," Trick says. "If you do lots of work and help the team, I'll like you better."

Trick says in the confessional, "I'm really trying to be nice to that Alex dude, but he's just so lazy and whiny that it's really hard. Maybe I should take more of an initiative to be a team leader or something."

"Why aren't you giving the whole 'working helps the team' spiel to me, Estrella, and/or Layla?" asks Helga suspiciously, looking at Layla who's sitting there with her hands crossed and Estrella who seems to be either asleep or dead.

Tolkien comes out of the woods with bunches of moss, and a gigantic fungus. "Hey, Trick, you said you wanted some mushrooms, here you go," he says, tossing the gigantic fungus to Trick.

Tolkien says in the confessional, "Kavren has said bad things about that Trick guy, so I don't know if I can trust him... Sure, he seems nice, but Kav also said that he seemed nice at first, and turned into a dick."

Sure enough, Chrissy and Julia are shown in the woods, gathering materials. "So, Julia. Any boys here who float your boat?" asks Chrissy coolly.

"Ew. Definitely not. You know Kavren? Some chick at my school said that he looks like Leeyum. That is a freaking disgrace to Leeyum. I mean, he may be the second ugliest member after Nile, but he's still extremely attractive, and Kavren is uglier than a shirtless Arthur," rants Julia.

"Yeah..." says Chrissy. "You know Nic? He blatantly flirted with me back on Tiki Island, but now he's actually kind of attractive, and I feel bad for not being that nice to him back then. I wouldn't mind dating him."

"EWW!" yells Julia. "Remember how perverted and creepy that kid was? Nobody likes posers who think they're Alejandro. And now he's trying to be like Zane, saying 'vas happenin" and whatnot. Ugh."

"Well, Nic is kind of cute," says Chrissy. "But honestly, I don't find Zane attractive at all. Eh, whatever. We've all got different opinions, right?"

Julia grabs a bunch of weeds, and takes them back to the campsite. "Psh. Yeah, sure," she says.

The Hopalong Ralphcakes, or more specifically, Wolfgang, Puck, Chelsey, Elena, and Nic, are shown building their fort. "Come on, guys, we need to focus if we want to win!" Elena yells, trying to pep up the team. "If we win, I'll kiss all of you boys."

"Ew, I don't want you to kiss me," Wolfgang snorts. "I prefer real girls, meaning ones who don't look like they should belong in a produce store."

"Um, thank you, Wolfgang. Elena, if you want to tan, you should at least make it so it looks natural, like my tan, and not like you were in a fake tanning salon all day," Chelsey explains. "It gets you a lot of boys. Heck, this guy named Bruno keeps texting me, and I have no idea who he is."

"Mm, the women come to my yard every day, see? I'm sure popular with those women," winks Nic. "I guess they like the beauty of Abby, right?" He rips off his shirt, and moves his belly, saying "Yeah, totally!" in a falsetto.

"Whoo-hoo, you guys have got fans. Am I the only one who gets no fan mail, and tons of hate mail instead? One day, I even got a death threat. It may or may not been from my mother," explains Wolfgang.

Kavren and Arthur walk up to the others, with a bunch of wood. Arthur is wearing a pair of red underwear over his head, and acting strange. As Kavren puts some wood on the fort, he explains, "Arthur has been acting really noodly lately."

"Uh, what time is it?" Chelsey says. "If I recall, he said at 6:30, he'd become Pub... Oh, god, no."

"Hello, Chelsey. I see your hips have grown out very well," Arthur states. "Once you become old enough, you start to develop. Some children are known as 'late bloomers', meaning that they take a while to go through puberty..."

Puck gasps loudly. "My mom said I was one of those, man!"

"Yeah, he's Puber T right now," Kavren whispers to the others. "All right, if we just leave him alone... He won't say anything. I don't think, at least."

"Hey, Puck, Nic, and Wolfgang, let's go into the woods to get a little bit more supplies," Chelsey says.

"No!" grunts Wolfgang.

"I'll give you a strand of my hair," bargains Chelsey. Puck and Nic spring off of the ground and follow Chelsey, while Wolfgang trudges along slowly behind them.

Roz walks over to everyone, and then blows a gigantic airhorn, making all the contestants pay attention to her. "Soooo, an hour has passed, and now I'll judge you guys' forts!" she squeals. "Soooo, first of all, the Citrus Fruits. This is, er, not a bad fort."

"Ya like?" Devin says, showing off the large fort, which has a sign reading "RACK $ITY" on it. "It be mah hometown, dawg."

"Rack city? Man, I love that song! It's my jam, homie!" Ori says, trying to act cool.

Estrella scoffs. "Dude, no. Just... no. You even spelled 'city' wrong."

Helga pipes up in agreement. "Yeah, that doesn't even deserve to be called music. The guy can't rap, he's just talking. And plus, who cares about 'rack city'? It doesn't even exist, he's just a pervert."

"What 'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis? Rack City totes be real, yo," Devin says angrily.

"Hmm..." Roz pulls out a notepad and starts examining the fort. "Well, there sure are lots of sturdy parts to this fort, and it looks semi-indestructible. The Rack City thing is really weird, but I suppose this is okay. Mmm-hm. All righty, 8/10! You guys probably get the advantage, unless the Hopalongs came up with something awesome." Roz walks over to the Hopalong Ralphcakes' fort, and says, "And of course, they did!"

As Roz walks to their fort, Wolfgang is shown sitting on top of the fort, groaning. The fort resembles a gigantic bust of Elena, from her head down to her... well, bust.

"Check out Fort Elena," Elena says vainly. "As you can probably tell, it's a likeness of the beautiful Elena Jane Peters, also known as yours truly. Like it?"

"She has the same middle name as me... What a copycat..." whispers PJ from the other side.

"Eh, well, it's all righty!" Roz chirps. "I have to admit, it's kind of creepy how realistic it is, but I guess it required a lot of artistic skill, huh?"

"Uh, Elena, when and how did you make this?" Chelsey asks in suspicion. "Because we were gone for like five minutes."

"Oh, haha, silly Chelsey... You know that I have lots and lots of talent, dear," taunts Elena.

Puck says in the confessional, "Elena sure is weird... Like, I'm not sure if she's trying to make friends with Chelsey, or just make fun of her. Team Chelsey! If Casey supports her, then she has to be the good guy."

Chelsey says in the confessional, "Hmph. That chick is really working my last nerve."

"Soooo, you guys get an 8.5/10, I really like realistic stuff and whatnot! So, yeah. You guys get the advantage, and it is...Hatchet-Brand Cannonballs, for capturing flags with ease," Roz says, pointing to Chef, who is over by a pile of cannonballs and grinning evilly.

"And what do we get? Trash?" Helga asks sarcastically.

"Actually, yes!" says Roz, as she begins to laugh hysterically. After she calms herself down a bit, she says, "There's a dumpster over there. All you can get is stuff from there, so choose wisely."

"A dumpster is a hip dump," Chrissy scoffs.

Trick waits for a moment. "Wait, Roz. I thought we were playing capture the flag. What's with all the ammo and stuff?"

"Ohhhh, I forgot to explain!" exclaims Roz. "This is extreme capture the flag, meaning you can capture the other team's flag by any means necessary, hehe. So, that means, the Ralphcakes get a cannon, and you guys get... lots and lots o' garbage." She runs to the sidelines, and Chef blows his whistle. "GO!"

Arthur's phone starts to ring, and he checks the time. The time says 7:00, and Arthur flings the underwear off of his head, landing on Elena. "All right, let's roll."

"Who's gonna do who?" Chelsey thinks for a moment. "Hmm, all right. Wolfgang, Nic, Arthur, Kavren, and Puck, you guys go out and try to get their flag. I'll stay here with the girls and monitor our fort, so nobody comes in. And Trey... You just stay here, k?"

"Of course I'm stuck doing the mediocre job... Nobody cares about me..." Trey sighs.

"No, not true, Kris Kringle. We are just making you stay here because you would sabotage our team," explains Arthur. "Come on, Kav!"

Arthur and Kavren run towards the other team's fort, while they narrowly dodge many pieces of garbage thrown at him.

"This garbage smells like butt, dude!" yells Kavren as they run.

"Well, obviously, since it is garbage," Arthur replies. "There are probably many gallons of dog poop, nasty banana peels, and toilet paper in there."

"Hey, Wolfgang, wanna give me a piggy-back ride?" Puck says loudly as they run to the fort. "No!" yells Wolfgang. Puck hops on his back anyway, oblivious to what Wolfgang said.

"Devin! Get the bazookas, there are lots and lots of guys coming this way!" yells Ori. Devin is shown running to a pile of garbage with two broken bazookas in it, but he trips on his saggy pants and falls face-first into the garbage.

Wolfgang walks by Helga, Estrella, Alex, Layla, and PJ, who are just sitting there. They do absolutely nothing as he grabs the flag from the hiding spot.

"Hey, aren't you lazy women gonna do something to me as I take your flag and make you guys lose the challenge?!" Wolfgang yells.

"Dude, I'm not a woman," Alex says calmly. "But nah, we don't really like physical work."

"..." PJ says. "Yo, PJ, get me a bottle of whiskey? It would be totally appreciated," Layla says. PJ shakes her head solemnly.

"Layla, maybe people would like you better if you actually did--" Estrella says. "Wait. Where did Wolfgang go?"

The girls (and Alex) look over to Wolfgang, who is running back to the fort and yelling, "Haha, suckers!"

"GET HIM!" yells Ori. He runs over to the sprinting Wolfgang, and tackles him onto the ground. "Devin! Am I doing good, yo? Am I?"

"Dude, Ori! Stop punching and tackling him, and get the freaking flag!" Julia yells from her fort. She then looks at Helga, and says, "Why aren't you working?"

"Working isn't in my blood. I prefer to just read, if you haven't figured that out by now," Helga says dryly, while reading a book called 'The Bobbit'. "Hey, Chrissy. Go get their flag, will ya?" she says.

"I'm on it, chica," Chrissy says. She sprints over to the Ralphcakes' fort, and sees Flora guarding the door with a stick. "...Ohhh, lord."

"You... shall... not... pass!" Flora yells intimidatingly. Chrissy attempts to pass Flora, but Flora keeps whacking her with the stick. Julia sneaks into the fort from behind, and slowly tiptoes past Elena, who is sitting there with her back turned, doing her makeup. She grabs the flag, and leaves.

"Hey! That chick's got the flag!" yells Veronica, pointing at Julia. "Don't just stand there, Elena, get her!"

"Ew, no, dude. Can't you see that I'm concentrating?" Elena says. "A chick like me needs to make herself even more beautiful sometimes."

MacKenzie says in the confessional, "Yeah. Girls like her are the ones who date Mi... that one guy."

While Julia is running towards the Citrus Fruits' fort, Arthur comes out of nowhere and jumps onto Julia. "Hello, my little friend. Thought you could get the flag, huh? Kavren, fire away."

Kavren runs up to the cannon where the cannonballs are being shot out of, and starts shooting cannonballs all over the place. One of the cannonballs narrowly misses Julia's face.

"Oh, god, that's dangerous, you jerk!" Julia squeals. "Come on, stop sitting on me!"

"This is what I do, this is what I do, this is what I do, sit on you," Arthur says in a singsong voice, while moving his butt cheeks up and down and sitting on Julia.

Julia, with the Ralphcakes' flag, and Wolfgang, with the Fruits' flag, meet in the middle of the two forts.

"AAAARGH!" yells Julia, and she runs towards Wolfgang. The two battle it out, with the opposite ends of the flags being used as swords.

"You smell like Larry Fashions' cologne," Wolfgang grunts as he tries to jab Julia with the flag.

"...How do you know about that?!" responds Julia. Wolfgang shrugs, and keeps running. Julia finally catches up to him, and tags him. There is a long pause, and nobody says anything.

"Oh, well, I should really have said what happens when you get tagged, hehe..." says Roz. "Sit down, and throw your flag in the air, Wolfie."

Wolfgang sits down on the ground with his arms crossed, and throws his flag in the air. The manic scene turns into slow-motion as Kavren jumps for the flag, does a flip in the air, and then proceeds to catch it. It is no longer slow motion after he grabs the flag, and he jumps back onto the ground. Kavren sees a bunch of the other team's members trying to chase him, so he keeps running.

Kavren finally gets back to his fort, and collapses onto the ground. "Good job, Kavren. You have defeated the evil women who don't think I'm hot," Nic states.

"Congratulations to the Hopalong Ralphcakes, for winning the first challenge of the season!" Roz says. "All righty, I'll give you guys about twenty minutes to hang out, and then it's vote-out time."

Chelsey says in the confessional, "Well, at least our team didn't fail miserably tonight like I thought we would. These guys on my team are the definition of social rejects, but I think I can groom them if I try hard enough."

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown trying to build their tents in their area.

"Yo, Dev. Mind helping me with my tent, dawg? I'd totally appreciate it, yo," Ori says.

"Um, dood, I be sorta kinda busy righ' now, eh. Y'know, I be willin' t' help ya, bu' later, 'kay?" Devin responds.

Ori says in the confessional, "Ugh! I've been trying to get Devin to recognize me, but it's not working. Gosh darn it, this is so annoying. He just thinks of me as some sort of stupid poser."

Julia and Chrissy are shown building their tent. "So, uh, Chrissy, wanna share a tent? We can talk about how moronic... I mean, cute, the boys here are," says Julia.

Chrissy laughs. "Oh, Julia. Let's vote someone out, anyway. I think you'll be a huge target because you kind of annoy some others, no offense."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" growls Julia.

"No, no, no. Girl, you're a good friend of mine. But your One Erection obsession is kind of annoying to some of the guys, especially Arthur. Maybe if you talked about them less around Arthur, he'd stop making fun of you," explains Chrissy.

Layla is shown, sitting on a stump. "Hey, PJ. Get over here. Mind setting up my tent?" She plops down a gigantic tent that must weigh over 100 pounds onto PJ's arms.

"So... heavy..." groans PJ. "Why are you making me do your dirty work, anyway..."

"Ugh, you know, since I have no Charles and whatever. Seriously, dude, if you do this, I'll pay you back. I swear," Layla scoffs.

PJ mutters something dirty, and starts working on building the tent. Five minutes later, she's done with the tent, which is about the size of an apartment.

"Uh, dude. You know that you're gonna let us sleep in there, right?" mutters Helga.

"Who ever said that you guys would be able to sleep in it? This tent is reserved for me and my butler, gosh," snorts Layla.

Estrella says in the confessional, "Yeah. I knew Layla wouldn't just turn all nice and sugary after Tokyo's finale. She's still a greedy and bossy @#$%!, but now she doesn't have Charles, and will probably get voted out first. Purrrrfect."

"Yo, Devin, check it! See what I can do, homie!" says Ori, and he turns on his uPod to dubstep. Ori starts dancing, and then trips over a log, falling backwards into Layla's giant tent. He creates a hole in the tent, and continues to make holes in all of the other tents, before falling onto the ground.

"Uh, bro? Dat wasn't no good idea, yo," says Devin, after a long pause.

Alex, Tolkien, and Trick walk out of one of the now broken tents. "Hey, what was the big idea? We were trying to catch some Z's," says Alex groggily.

"Well, Alex was. I was trying to teach Trick how to play L&L," Tolkien states. Trick does not look happy at all.

Tolkien says in the confessional, "All right. I wanna vote for Trick, since he's been really mysterious and chill about everything. He doesn't like me either, probably because I'm related to Kavren... Whatever. I'm voting for him."

Layla says in the confessional, "Ori, you idiot, that was a 500,000 dollar tent. I only have five of those left at home! Thanks to that, I'm voting you out."

Ori says in the confessional, "Layla, she is so totally snobby an' rude. I mean, I was just trying to act cool! Nothin' wrong with that, right?"

Helga says in the confessional, while reading, "Meh. Layla or Ori, I couldn't care less. Trick is also a big choice, since he's so cool. What a threat."

Roz is shown with the Swagged Out Citrus fruits on the beach. There is a campfire, and eleven stumps for the contestants to sit on. There is also a dock leading to a new and improved Boat of Losers, which is the same boat that the contestants arrived on. "Well, it's the first elimination ceremony!" Roz shrieks. "Hopefully I can do this right. If you receive a seashell, you're safe. If you don't, well, you're voted out, and you gotta walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers to get outta here. The first seashell of the season goes to PJ."

"..." says PJ as she catches her seashell, and sits down on the ground.

"Estrella, Helga, Tolkien, and Alex, you guys are safe tooooo," Roz says. She passes many different-colored seashells out to them. Helga's seashell hits her in the face, since she's reading her book, but she just throws it onto the ground.

"Julia, Chrissy. You two get to stay another night," says Roz. Julia and Chrissy high-five as they both collect their seashells.

"Devin..." Roz looks at Devin, who is chilling by the campfire and eating fondue in a large bowl. "What's with the fondue? But anyway, you're safe."

"Whoo-hoo, yo!" Devin's seashell lands in the fondue, and he continues to eat it.

"Trick, Ori, and Layla. You three... One of you is gonna get voted out tonight. And that person is definitely not Trick," says Roz. Trick breathes a sigh of relief as he catches his seashell, and Tolkien glares at him.

"Ori and Layla..." says Roz. "The final seashell goes to..."

"Layla." Layla grabs her seashell and grins.

"WHAT?!" yells Ori. "What the crap, yo? I was just a cool dude trying to impress an even cooler dude, Devin! I did absolutely nothing wrong, while Layla was an annoying little brat, word!"

"Exactly the problem. Devin does not like you, and he never will. You're annoying as crap, and you owe us tons of money for breaking our tents," Helga states.

Ori pulls his pants and underwear down, and moons everyone. "Y'know, I don't care no more. I don't need this stupid game, anyway. Devin, I hate you, since you caused my elimination."

"Haters gon' hate, yo," says Devin nonchalantly.

"You know, I'm more concerned about seeing Ori's naked butt. Congrats, dude, you scarred me for life," Chrissy says.

Ori utters a "Hmph!", then stomps down the Dock of Shame onto the Boat of Losers. The driver of the boat is, not surprisingly, his father, who honks the horn loudly.

"Hey, Oriana! Let's go to your ballet recital, only twenty minutes before it starts!" Mr. Gerard says. Ori yells something naughty very loudly, and the boat chugs away.

"Well, well, well. After we saw what Ori did to th' tents, we knew he'd be eliminated! But what first elimination isn't obvious?" Roz says excitedly. "Tune in for more totally dramatic epicness, next time on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!"

Chapter 3 - Roz of the Phone-ix
"Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, the contestants took part in their first challenge! Julia got mad at Arthur and Kavren, not surprisingly, and Nic continued to try to act cool and evil around the girls. Tolky acted pretty awkward around me, hehe, as I explained the challenge, which was to build forts out of whatever materials they could find in the woods and then play extreme capture the flag. The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits had trouble with some of their members, who weren't exactly being that helpful, while the Hopalong Ralphcakes destroyed them and won the challenge, thanks to the grumpy Wolfgang, and Kavren, who was just as weird as usual. After he destroyed the tents, Ori was the target of the first elimination of the season, and Layla got to stay another night. Who will win? Who will lose? Find out today, on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!"

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown lying down in their sleeping bags on the ground, because of the tents not being able to be used. Tolkien is snoring loudly, and in his sleep, he moves close to Trick, placing his head on Trick's shoulder.

Trick suddenly wakes up. "Uh, dude?" he whispers. Tolkien doesn't budge. Trick flicks Tolkien's head, and he still doesn't make a peep. Trick grabs a stick, and whacks Tolkien in the head, and he finally wakes up.

"Uh? Whaaaaa? Hey, Trick, is that you?" Tolkien says groggily, showing that he has gigantic bags under his eyes. "I had nightmares last night, dude."

"Nightmares? Dude, you have some crazy dreams. I saw you in Tokyo... Yeah, maybe you should cut down on the dreaming," says Trick calmly.

"What? Cut down on the... Hey, that's impossible! Trick, you need to brush up on your education. I dream every single night, and they're all about Roz, and how I like her..." Tolkien stares at Trick. "Oops. Shouldn't have said that."

"Dude, it's obvious that you like her. She likes you, too. You just gotta play it cool, man. That's how I got Cammy to like me," says Trick. "You'll be fine, man."

"Meh. Thanks for the kind words," says Tolkien sarcastically. "I know nothing about being cool. Dude, I play a fantasy role-playing game. That's not 'cool'."

Devin walks out of his tent, stark naked. Tolkien and Trick stare at him, and after a long pause, he says, "Uh, jus' goin' out fo' a li'l swim, yo."

PJ wakes up, sees the naked Devin, then goes back to sleep. Instead of snoring, she says "..." over and over.

After Devin has jumped in the lake, everyone else on the team wakes up, except for Alex, who is still sleeping heavily.

"Ugh, I keep getting texts from Arthur that says he's 'butthurt', he's probably just trolling me. Butthurt? Maybe I'll stab him in the butt, and that will make him butthurt," Julia says.

"Girl, don't even listen to Arthur, mostly everything that comes out of his mouth is crap," says Chrissy.

"Um, I think I've figured that out, after like 16 years of hanging out with him," Julia says. "I hate that morbidly obeeeese moron. Hey, did you hear that 1E's new album title was released? OMFG, I'm so flipping excited, eeeeeeee!

"Hooray," says Helga dryly. "What's it called, 'Up All Morning'? Those dudes pick out the worst names ever for their songs and albums. What's the 'One Thing' anyway? I bet it's boobs, all guys like those, sadly. Ugh, what Neanderthals."

"Mhm. I'm convinced Julian liked me just for my boobs," says Estrella. "I overheard him saying naughty things to Tolkien once." Tolkien giggles quietly to himself.

Layla walks out of her tent, with her hair wild and her makeup looking blotchy and ugly. "Ugh, hello, everyone. Got no sleep last night, because nobody massaged me. You guys really need to work on that... Hmph."

"You know, maybe if you were nice to people, they would be your butler," says Alex, just waking up.

"Nice? Whoever heard of such a thing? If you want to get far in a game like this, you can't be nice," says Layla. "I thought you would know that."

"Muh," states Alex. He yawns, stretches out his arms, and falls asleep again. "Wow, some team," mutters Helga. Estrella nods her head in agreement.

The scene changes to the Hopalong Ralphcakes' cabin, where they are all luxuriously relaxing. Arthur and Kavren are in the corner of the room, playing jacks.

"...Onesies," says Arthur in an extremely bored tone. "This is not fun."

"Twosies," says Kavren as he throws a ball at the jacks and they scatter. "You know, Art, why are we doing this when we have a hot tub, a snack bar, and a plasma TV?"

"I honestly have no idea," Arthur states. "It's just fun for some reason. Let's talk about women, and how attractive they are. Personally, I think Chelsey is pretty attractive-looking, and Elena would be if she was not a Barbie. Also, I have to admit, Julia is not terrible either."

"Julia? But I thought you hated her," says Kavren. After contemplating for a moment, he says, "Heeey, do you just get her mad because you have a crush on her? You're one of those dudes?"

"Yes," says Arthur frankly. "Oh, and I also like being an annoying little piece of crap, so that is a big factor."

"Whoa, I didn't know you would admit it so easily," says Kavren happily. "What do you think about Abbey, d00d?"

"She's got some very nice tits," Arthur states. "You know, I'm just being honest."

"Okay, our conversation is over," says Kavren. "Wanna play some New Supah Jario Bros. Wuu and not socialize whatsoever while doing so?" Arthur nods, and the two run upstairs.

Chelsey, Elena, and Nic are shown watching Nebraska Shore on the plasma TV. "You know, this is my favorite episode of the new season, they're really improving. I loooove Snooki," Chelsey gushes. "Wait, Nic, why are you here?"

"Yeah, you tool, go away," Elena snorts. "Nebraska Shore is a chicks' show. I don't even like Chelsey, but this show brings us together."

"Vas happenin', ladies?" Nic says flirtatiously. "Don't mind me, I'm just hanging out here, and I just happen to be on your couch. I am not even paying attention to the show."

Elena obnoxiously flips her long and flowing hair around, and purposely hits Nic in the face with it. "Ugh, whatever, I'm getting out of here," she groans. "Just watch, they're gonna cancel the show anyway." She stomps away from the couch, and pushes Trey away, who happens to just barely be in her way. "MOVE!"

"You're so mean to me... Why do you have to be so controlling, can't I think for myself..." Trey whispers.

Puck is shown, sitting down on the couch and playing video games. "Whoo-hoo, high score and a level up! Man, this video game is coooooooool," he cheers.

"I AM BEHIND YOU!" yells a loud and menacing voice. Puck shrieks loudly, turns around, and sees nothing. He then starts to shiver, and pees his pants.

Flora, MacKenzie, and Veronica are shown in the basement, which is small and filled with a bunch of mounted animal heads. "All right!" says Veronica. "Today is the first meeting of CAB, also known as Chicks Against Boringness. Now, what should we talk about first?"

"Who to vote out?" Flora suggests. "There are lots of people I would nominate."

"All right, I say Chelsey. She's way too popular, and before we know, she's gonna start voting us out," says Veronica. "

"Chelsey? Yeah, she was kind of mean to me and Cammy back in TDRev..." says MacKenzie. "Elena is worse, though. We should go for her first."

"Yeah, Elena is extremely mean and stuff. I don't think anyone likes her, why is she even in this season?" Flora says. "We're voting her."

There is a large crashing sound, and then someone is heard screaming. Flora, MacKenzie, and Veronica run upstairs to see what has happened, and sure enough, every contestant is there, along with Roz.

"Asdfghjkl," yells Roz. "What the crap? I was sitting here, texting my boyfraaaaaaan, and suddenly, some weird shadowy person came out of nowhere and stole my phone? Then, I looked out the window, and saw him/her/whatever get onto this giant horse and gallop away into the little tourist-y town over there!"

"Lolwut?" says Kavren after a long pause.

"Oh, hehe, you know... That's you guys' challenge today. You gotta go into the little tourist-y town over there and find my phone. This totally isn't an excuse for letting you guys have more interactions and less action because the author hates action scenes. Not at all..." Roz says. "So, yeah, split up into your teams, and whoever finds the phone first wins invincibility!"

"Wait, I'm more curious about your boyfriend. Didn't you break up with Chaz?" Tolkien says awkwardly.

"Hehe, Tolky, you're funny," says Roz. "Just go with yo' team, boy-eeeee."

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown outside, walking to the city. "Now would be an excellent time to revive the marching song from Tiki Jungle," states Arthur. "Yo, Father Christmas, are you coming or not?"

Trey is sitting down on the ground, playing with a dandelion and looking depressed. "Dude, stop calling me that... But yeah, I don't feel like walking..."

"Trey, you moron, if you don't get up, we'll vote you out," Elena says angrily. "Come on, you're holding our team back. How are we supposed to get to this darn city anyway? It's like a hundred miles away."

"What if we hijack a car from an innocent bystander and then steal some money from a bank?" suggests Wolfgang, as he gets some disturbed stares. "What, I was just thinking out loud."

"Excellent idea, Wolfie! There's a car right there, actually," says Puck. "Let's jump in!"

Puck, Wolfgang, and the boys begin to climb into the car. "Uh, where do we sit?" Chelsey says. "Us chicks need some room, dudes. This car can't be a total sausage-fest. Girls don't like that."

"Get in the trunk," says Wolfgang gruffly. The girls quickly jump into the trunk, and they all drive to the city. Once they finally get there, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are already there.

"What? How?!" Nic asks in shock. "I thought we had left before you all!"

"Uh, no, G," says Devin. "We got dem jetpacks, yo. C'mon, teamies, leggo." Devin and the rest of his team strut away.

Once they're all gone, Arthur says, "All right. Me, Kavren, and Chelsey will go together, Wolfgang and Puck can go, and--"

"Ew, why me? I prefer going by myself. Say one of my friends is here and sees me hanging out with you nerds... My life would be over. O-V-E-R. Over," scoffs Chelsey. "I'd even rather go with... Elena." She shudders.

"Fine, girlie, if you wanna go with me, then let's go," Elena says rudely. "We can go check out the Luv Purple store over there."

"Um, I think the boys are already on that..." Veronica says, pointing to Arthur, Kavren, and Puck, who are sprinting over to the store.

"Open the door! Open the door!" Puck squeals, as Arthur attempts to open the door to the Victoria's Secret store. They finally burst in, and see that the store is filled with... old, hairy men.

"Whaaa?" Kavren gasps. "But I thought there were gonna be young, attractive women here! Uh, not that I care. Abbey is enough for me."

"Haw, haw," guffaws one of the old men. "This isn't Victoria's Secret. This is Victor's Secret. It's an adult diaper store. We frequently get these li'l kids in here, thinking that they're gonna find ladies. Buuuut, no ladies have ever come here, except for the workers. You need some diapers?"

"Yes," says Arthur. "I actually do. My peanuts are so loose that I believe they will be falling out at some point."

The old, hairy guy tosses a gigantic diaper over to Arthur, and it hits him in the face. As Arthur brushes it off, a phone mysteriously falls out from the diaper.

"Holy bladvass, it's Roz's phone!" says Kavren, examining the phone. "Wait, uh, never mind. Unless Roz's name is 'Gertrude Flabberman' and she is interested in dentures, it's not hers. Darn it, I thought we were close."

"Let's scoot, men," Arthur says. "This store is not going to help us at all. Maybe we can go get some fast food, huh? My stummick is famished."

"Men? My mom says I'm not a man," says Puck. "Apparently my level of 'social maturity' isn't high enough. Wonder what she means?" The three boys run out of the store, and bump into Tolkien, Trick, Devin, and Alex, who are running towards the store.

"Hey!" they all yell simultaneously. "Why did you... Why are we... Stop talking at the same time as me!"

"We was jus' tryin' t' find Roz's phoney-phone in dat store, yo," Devin explains. "Aaaaan', I also be likin' th' women's undergarments, soooo, it be a prime place t' look."

"No, it's actually a men's diapers store," says Alex coolly. "An' how do you be knowin' dat?" Devin says. "My dad shops there all the time," Alex says. "Come on, boys."

Meanwhile, the girls of the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are walking down the street, searching in every nook and cranny for the missing cell phone.

"Hmmm," Julia is examining the various muscular boys walking by in beach tees. "I say a seven, six, seven, eight, oooh, that guy's a nine. Seven, six, four, two, eight, nine, six, one, ugly. Where are the 10's?!"

"Well, to be honest, you do set some high standards," grunts Helga. "If I remember correctly, earlier you said that you wouldn't ever date a boy unless he looked like one of the five members of One Erection, and the only guys I've seen who even look close to any of the guys are Kavren and Nic, both of whom you have expressed disgust towards."

"Yeah, Julia, I don't think boys like girls who are fangirls of stuff," Chrissy says coolly. "I mean, you just gotta act chill." Chrissy accidentally bumps into some guy who's walking past, pulls out a pocketknife, and yells, "WATCH IT, BUDDY!" The guy screams and runs away.

"Oh, wow, Helga," Estrella gasps, pointing out a store that says 'Snidely's Books'. "Let's go in there and completely forget about the challenge. I'm sure there are tons of morbid books in there about death and whatnot. Like, the new book in the Vulture Chronicles came out yesterday. In this one, Vincenzo gets stabbed and killed by Raul, who is avenging his dead brother. Tasty."

"...This is why I like you, Estrella," responds Helga, and the two sprint away.

"..." says PJ, pointing to a phone lying on a trash can. "Could it be?" Layla gasps, and starts looking through the phone. "Ugh, it won't turn on!"

"Maybe it's because you're not pressing the button, your finger is just over it..." explains Chrissy. "Are you seriously that pathetic?"

"Shut up, I'm not pathetic!" snorts Layla. "Can someone turn this on for me?" Chrissy snatches the phone from Layla angrily, and mashes the power button over and over. The phone soon blows up, leaving debris everywhere.

"If that actually was Roz's phone, we're completely screwed," Julia worries. "Not as screwed as if 1E split up, though. I don't even wanna think about that..." A single tear falls down Julia's cheek.

Wolfgang, Puck, Arthur, Trey, Kavren, and Nic are shown at a seafood restaurant, and they are -- sure enough -- ordering food.

"Oooh, it's a sexy waitress," says Puck happily. "Coooooool. All righty, lemme order." He walks over to the waitress, who has her back turned to him. "Hey, do you have fish and chips here?"

The waitress looks at Puck like he is an idiot. "What?"

"I said..." says Puck extremely slowly, trying to get her to understand. "Do... you... have... any... fish... and... chips?"

"Dude, I heard you," whines the waitress, in a deep voice. "I said 'what' because obviously, we don't have fish and chips. Do we look like that kind of restaurant? No. We sell stuff like lobsters. For only $199."

"There is NO WAY we're paying that!" Wolfgang yells. "I have absolutely no money, and even if I did, I wouldn't spend it on some crappy seafood. Seafood is disgusting. Come on, guys. We actually need to work."

"No... I wanna eat..." sighs Trey. "I lived off of coconuts at Tiki Island... Time to have some real food for a change..."

"Wait, but none of us have money," Kavren realizes. "I'm really starving, though. I could eat a dead horse."

"Uh, I don't think that is how the saying goes..." says Nic. "But dudes, I'm loaded with benjamins. Girls tip me for being sexy. Yes, it happens. Shall we eat?"

"Dudes, if you don't eat in the next five minutes, we'll kick you out," groans the waitress, raising her voice. She then turns around, and reveals that "she" is actually Smoothie Guy.

"Oh mai..." Kavren says, his mouth hanging open. "Dude, I forgot about your long, flowing blonde locks! That's so nasty!"

"Yeah, you idiots. I spent the last five months sailing the seas in the S.S. Crappyboatthatbreakseasily, but it got boring and I got lost at sea, so after two freakin' weeks, I decided to come here. Of course, you had to show up," says the smoothie guy, narrowing his eyes at Kavren.

"Two weeks... That's better than a year..." Trey says quietly.

"Hey, jolly old elf, all you do is mope and complain about being stuck on the island," Arthur says wisely. "Please still your tongue, or we'll vote you--" Arthur's watch beeps, and he looks at the time, which is 6:30.

"Ohhhhh, no..." mutters everyone, including Smoothie Guy. Everyone looks at Smoothie Guy, and he says, "What? I read the pre-season biographies."

"Wait, guys, maybe the phone is hidden in one of the meals!" says Flora. "Yay, I'm actually being helpful!"

"Um, no, you're not. That's the stupidest idea ever. Definitely not gonna work," scoffs Elena.

"Well, it's worth a try," responds Chelsey. "Come on, Elena. Don't be so moody. People don't like that, it is NOT popular at all."

"...Wait. When did you guys get here?" Kavren says. "Five minutes ago, it was all us dudes. I mean, not that I'm complaining, but you know... Did you have any luck?"

"Yeah, of course we had luck," says Chelsey sarcastically. "No, of course not. If we did, why would we be here? We'd be livin' it up in the big, cool house. Now, let's eat so we can get out of here and actually do the challenge."

"While developing and going through puberty, some children have better luck than others. They--" Before Arthur can finish, Elena takes out a roll of duct tape and angrily tapes it onto his mouth. "Mmrmpht."

A half hour later, the food finally arrives. Smoothie Guy comes out from the kitchen, wheeling in a gigantic table with a dead shark on it, covered in seasoning. "Well, what are you waiting for? EAT."

"What is THAT?" Elena groans. "There is no way. Ew."

Meanwhile, every member of the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits except Helga and Estrella is in a gigantic department store, haplessly looking for the missing phone.

"Dude, what be lingerie, yo?" Devin says, pronouncing it like "ling-er-ee". "I'mma try some on. Look like it be in the happ'nin' fo' style righ' now, G."

"Uh, dude, I wouldn't do that if I were you..." Alex says, while examining various phone cases. "I wonder if some sneaky bastard hid one of the phones in one of these phone cases." After he has no luck looking, he says, "Come on, Dev, let's go, this is boring."

The two walk out of the department store, and into the art gallery-ish place across the street, where Helga and Estrella are shown with gigantic piles of books, Helga with old British literature and Estrella with morbid, gothic fiction. "No luck," grunts Estrella.

"Wait, have you even been looking?" snaps Layla. "Ugh, you guys need to stop being so lazy."

"..." says PJ.

"That's PJ-ese for 'you're one to talk', I'm guessing," says Helga rudely. "Come on, guys. We've been searching for like a day. It's not possible that we're gonna find her phone, we have less than an hour until all the stores close."

"Wait, look out the window!" yells Tolkien. He points to some guy who is outside, texting on a pink phone with a Batman logo on it. "LET'S GO!" Tolkien jumps out of the window, and is followed by every single member of the team, and they all crowd around the man.

"Hey, who are you, and why did you steal Roz's phone?!" yells Julia. "We had to go on a freaking wild goose chase around the city so we could find you!"

"Calm down, who are you guys anyway?" says the guy. "This is my phone. Please leave..." He begins to sweat, and then runs away.

"Well, if that was Roz's phone, that guy is a pretty convincing liar," says Chrissy. "Come on, everyone. Let's just go, I've had enough of this. Who cares if we lose?"

"Muh. Words of wisdom right there, sweetie," mutters Alex. "If I get eliminated, who cares? I'll just have more time to sleep."

Trick takes out his skateboard, and gets on. "I'm headin' back. Let's go, fellas."

Tolkien says in the confessional, "Ugh, that was such a fiasco. I wanted to impress Roz and get her phone, so she could learn that I'm actually a cool and fun person. All she thinks about is Chaz, even though she said she dumped him and likes me... Whatever. Tonight, I'm going to prove to her that I like her."

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are still at the restaurant. There is a gigantic pile of bones where the shark originally was, and most of the contestants looks woozy or tired, some with balloon bellies.

"I think my peanuts are going to pop..." says Arthur groggily. "Was there any phone hidden in the shark? No, there was not. Complete waste of time. Kav, do you still have Gertrude's phone?"

"Mmmm-hmm, I do!" says Kavren happily. "I kept it in case we needed it somehow."

"INB4 the phone is actually Roz's phone and she played some idiotic trick on us," Wolfgang grunts. "Come on, that's just too obvious."

"You know, I wanna get up and leave this place, but I can barely move... Why did I have to eat that shark!" Puck begins to sob.

There is a loud noise that sounds like the noise from earlier when Roz's phone was stolen. Roz appears in the air, wearing a jetpack, and rockets down from the ceiling.

"Haiii, guyzies!" she says happily. "Did you find my phone? It got hacked by some weird dentist company, and it changed everything to a buncha dentures ads and made my name 'Gertrude' something-or-other."

"YES!" yells Wolfgang. "Ugh, I mean... What a coincidence. Here's your phone, Roz." He snatches the phone from Kavren and thrusts it into Roz's hands forcefully.

"OMG, OMG, OMG, this is it!" yells Roz gleefully. "OMG, guys, I'm so, like, happy and blargh. OMG, so yeah, you guys totally win the challenge! Time to text my love buddies! OMG! Eeeee!"

"The next time you say 'OMG', I'm going to get diabetes," grunts Wolfgang.

"Wolfie, be happy! We just won the challenge, dude! What if we become the next Over Nine Thousand?" Puck says happily. "Come on, we can hang out more in the awesome cabin!" Chelsey says in the confessional, "Well, I suppose my team did a decent job today. We won again, which is good for Elena, because her sorry butt is being saved from elimination... Again. Ugh, that girl really pisses me off, and I want to boot her out, but if we keep winning, how is she supposed to leave? Maybe I'll play the Scott and throw a challenge or two. I could easily get Kavren and Puck with me, they're not the brightest bulbs, and if I flirt with Nic, he will join me, too. Arthur and Trey are swing votes, pretty unpredictable, and I think I'll just leave Wolfgang alone. The boring girls seem to not like Elena, either, so maybe I'll make some sort of alliance with them. Puurrrrfect."

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown walking away from the city, spread out into different groups. Helga and Estrella are pulling a gigantic wagon filled with books.

"Urgh, why... is... this... so... heavy?!" yells Estrella. "I wanna get home and read my Vulture Chronicles book!"

Helga points at Alex, who is asleep on top of the wagon. "Hey, what's that rat doing on there?" She angrily shoves Alex onto the ground, and he wakes up. "Oof! Hey, thanks for nothing, Helga. I needed that sleep."

Alex says in the confessional, "You know, those two girls are really pissing me off. They're lazy as crap, and they say rude stuff to people, and nobody cares? Meanwhile, I'm just minding my own business, and everyone gives me flack about it. Jeez, double standards."

"Snapbacks an' tattoos. Snapbacks an' tattoos. Nice whips, fly chicks, all dat 'cuz cash rules," raps Devin, swaggering along annoyingly.

"Okay, dude, that's not real music," says Trick smoothly. "Real music is classic rock, man. Just listen to it, and let it suck you in. I meditate to classic rock once in a while. Pretty relaxing."

"Wha' you talkin' 'bout, G?! What be classic rock? Rocks be big ol' thangs that y' throw a' peeps! Not music! M' 'pinion, th' only true music 'round here be hardcore gangsta rap, yo," Devin yells.

Trick says in the confessional, "Is that kid serious? Like... Does he actually think he's a gangsta, or is he just playing some stupid act? Because kids can't actually be that dumb."

"Man, I just realized that we're sleeping in our tents again... That sucks, doesn't it?" Tolkien says to Trick, trying to make conversation. Trick shakes his head as they finally get to the tents.

"So, uh, who are we gonna vote out?" Chrissy says to Julia, Layla, and PJ, who are all sitting there. "I say one of the dudes, Helga, or Estrella."

"..." says PJ.

"Ew. Definitely one of the dudes. Probably Devin, he really bothers me since he's all poseur-y and whatnot," Julia says. "I heard that he said rap was the only good kind of music... What about Nutria and 1E?!"

"Nutria and 1E aren't that good, no offense, girl," Chrissy says coolly. "Real music is stuff like games., The Calves, and even Sheepyay."

"Sheepyay? You mean that pathetic one-hit wonder who wrote that boring song consisting of him whispering, and then screaming in the chorus? Yeah, that song is abhorrent. I don't listen to music, just audiobooks," Helga rants. "Even the Tanukis' cover of the song back in Tokyo was better, and I had to shut that monstrosity off halfway through."

"Whatever..." Layla scoffs. "Hey, someone want to get me some Arnold Palmer? I'm really craving it right now."

"NO!" yells PJ. Everyone stares at her.

Roz is shown with the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits at elimination. "Sooooo, Swaggy Citrus, this is your second time at elimination, huh? I really don't know what to say. Tolky, I thought you would do better. Meh, whatever. The first seashell goes toooooooooo... Chrissy." She tosses Chrissy a seashell, and Chrissy catches it.

"Alex and Trick, you two are both safe," says Roz. Alex's seashell falls into his mouth, as he is snoring.

"Mmmm, and Tolky, you too," Roz chirps. Tolkien cheers, as he catches his seashell.

"Helga and Estrella," says Roz. The two say "meh" simultaneously. "Aaaand Layla, aaaand Devin." Devin and Layla grab their seashells.

"PJ and Julia..." says Roz. "You know, I don't even... Whatevah. The final seashell goes to..."

"Julia." Julia cheers loudly.

"...Layla, you monster," PJ says quietly. "Was this because I didn't get you a drink? That is the stupidest reason to eliminate someone... EVER."

"Yep, I didn't even know," Roz says. "Peej is a fan favorite, but I guess Layla was on top of this one."

"Actually, no," Layla says, puzzled. "I voted for Julia." Julia groans. "What the crap? Is there another mystery voter, or is... What?!"

"Whatever..." PJ says. "I'll leave now." PJ walks away quietly, and boards the Boat of Losers. As she sails into the night, she glares at Layla.

Layla says in the confessional, "Of course I voted for PJ. Why would I say that out loud, though? I like playing the role of the innocent girl. And until I get a new Charles, I'm just gonna keep voting off these losers. Hmph."

"Meh," says Alex, as they walk back to their tents. "She was too overrated. Like I said back in episode one, '...' isn't that funny."

"I personally think that the Dotcubeds have a curse that makes them always be voted off 2nd..." says Tolkien. "Creepy, huh? But yeah, I'm gonna crash. Nighty-night."

"Oooooh!" Roz says happily, as they all leave. "Some drama is already heating up! Will the Hopalong Ralphcakes continue to win? Or will they crash and burn, like the Terrible Tikis? Will Layla find a new Charles, and will Chelsey and Elena continue to brawl? Will Wolfgang and Puck become friends? ...Probably not. But whatever, tune in next time on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!"

Chapter 4 - Halloweenies
Roz is shown on a recliner chair, watching television. She looks at the camera, and sees that she's rolling. "Oh!" she squeals. "Well, haii, guys. Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, the contestants had to do a lot of random crap that involved finding my lost, but not really lost, phone. The Ralphcakes and the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits had a wild goose chase in the city, going into various random stores. Finally, the Citrus Fruits lost again, and voted out PJ because she really didn’t do anything except say ‘...’, and I guess people thought she was a threat cuz she never talked. Who will win? Who will lose? Will I make the contestants participate in an extremely late Halloween special? Find out today on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown in their cabin, living luxuriously for the second night in the row. Arthur is sitting on the couch, watching The Astounding Race with Chelsey.

"Hey, Chelsey," Arthur scoffs. "Let's play the Fire Truck Game. I shall move my hand up your leg, and you say 'red light' when you feel violated. Got it?"

"Uh, okay," responds Chelsey warily. Arthur begins to move his hand up Chelsey's leg. "Red light!" she yells, once he gets to her shorts. "Fire trucks don't stop at red lights..." grins Arthur, and he continues to go up her leg.

"Ew, Arthur, you're so gross," says Chelsey angrily, getting off of the couch. "This show isn't even that good. I'd rather hang out with..." She shudders. "Elena. Wait, no, I take that back. Elena's a--"

"Lalalalalalalalaaaaa," sings a voice coming from the bathroom. "Mimimimimimimiiiii. Falalalalalalaaaaaaa."

"Who is that?" Chelsey asks suspiciously. "I swear, if it's that little Kavren, he's gonna..."

Nic walks out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel. "Vas happenin'?" he says like usual. "Did you guys hear my singing? Hopefully not, because I am very self-conscious about it. I like to believe that I sing like Zayn, though. Ladies love that, hmmm?"

"Oh. Yeah. We heard your singing, all right," says Chelsey. "Don't worry, it wasn't that bad." She whispers to Arthur, "JK. It totes was. Hey, where's Puck?"

Puck appears out of nowhere, with a jar of prunes. "Oh, just eating a little somethin' before the challenge! How's it going, guys? Last night was so coooool, right? We won again!"

"Uh, Puck? Why are you eating prunes?" Flora says. "And guys, don't even say that you didn't notice me..." She sniffs. "I'm used to it."

"Oh, just to tighten up my bowels, right? You know. Not too abnormal," Puck says cheerily. "Ooh, I wonder where Wolfie is? I'm sure he'd love some of my prunes."

Wolfgang is sitting in the corner of the room, listening to loud music on a uPhone and doing mysterious stuff on a laptop while solving a Rubik's Cube. "I wasn't talking on purpose," he grunts. "I hate you all."

"Wolfgang, what music is that..." Chelsey says. "Is that crappy synth-pop? Nobody listens to that crap except Puck. Is that Puck's phone?" She begins to giggle.

"Uh, no, definitely not," growls Wolfgang. "I totally wasn't trying to sabotage his relationship with Casey. Nope, not at all. Just playing Doodle A Thing with Kai. Yep."

"Aw, buddy, I don't mind if you use my phone!" grins Puck. "Just... don't say anything bad to Case, kay? We've been dating for eight months, and I care about her more than anything... except hockey."

"Awwwwwww..." Elena says sarcastically. "Just kidding, nobody cares. Casey is an ugly poseur, and she's also a perfect match for you."

"Casey? Is that the awkward child who's obsessed with me? Oh, yeah, I remember you talking about her. I think we met once, but she just acted creepy. Maybe if she was more popular, I'd like her," purrs Chelsey.

A loud crashing noise is heard. "Did someone say awkward child?" Kavren suddenly appears, hanging upside down from the ceiling on his feet. "Bloop pork. That was a pretty nice sleep, I just got up. Oppan Gangnam Style! Haha, I love that song. Me and my buddy Leo made up a dance to it. Wanna see?" Kavren starts to do the Gangnam Style dance.

"Uh, Kavren, you didn't make that up," says Veronica. "That's the real dance."

"...Oh," says Kavren sadly. "By the way, Arthur, why do you hate your Uncle Arturo so much? You kept ranting and going all Julia about him last night."

"Hmm, let's see here. He drove my mother's car into a pole, he quit his million-dollar job, he spent all his lottery money on shit, he frequently shoots puppies with arrows, he calls me 'Mr. Jiggles', and one year he stayed in my house, and now my room smells like a mixture of enchiladas and a giant fart," explains Arthur.

"Hehehe, that's awesome, Mr. Jiggles," giggles Kavren. Arthur walks up to Kavren and punches him in the face, making him fall down from the ceiling. "Our friendship is tumultuous," says Arthur.

Chelsey nods her head in shock. "Hey, where's Trey?" she asks. "You'd think he would be complaining about crap."

"I'm sitting right here..." says Trey quietly, on the couch. "I bet nobody even knew I was out here... I'm so pathetic... I just want to curl up into a ball and cry about my life..."

"I'd like to see tha--" says Arthur, but Veronica interrupts him. "It's ok, Trey," she says, giving him a pat on the back. "Me, Flora, and MacKenzie feel your pain. If you need any help, just talk to us."

Trey says in the confessional, "This season really isn't going very well for me... Nobody trusts me, and I don't have any alliances or anything like that... Ugh..." Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are asleep, on the ground in front of the campfire. Trick and Tolkien are snuggling, although they're completely unaware.

Layla walks out from the woods, and blows a trumpet, waking everyone around her up. Trick notices Tolkien snuggling with him, and he says, "All right, putting your head on my shoulder was kind of excusable, but this is too much," he says in alarm.

"Um, what?" Tolkien wakes up. "Oh. Uh, sorry. Yeah, this is awkward. Sorry about that, Trick. Yeah. I won't do that again..."

Trick is shown in the confessional, "Tolkien is acting really weird. I don't know whether I should keep him in the game, or eliminate him, or what. Whatever, I guess I'll keep him in the game for now."

"Chop chop," Layla says loudly. "Time for the auditions for 'Who Wants To Be A Charles?'! First up is... Wait, where is everyone?"

"Anywhere but here," scoffs Julia, waking up. "Hey, where's my 1E teddy bear? I need my bear, dudes. Seriously, it's autographed by Zane, Larry, Leeyum, and Louie. Nobody gives a crap about Nile, though, so he didn't autograph me. WHERE IS MY BEAR."

Julia says in the confessional, "Well, they aren't actually their real signatures, but whatever. I'm good at forgery, like that one time when I got angry in class and the sub was gonna write my name down, and the sub left for the bathroom, and I wrote down Arthur's name instead. Signature and all. Hehehe, now if I could just apply my skills to the game, I'd be golden."

Helga is shown waking up. "Ugh, that was a terrible night of sleep. I don't enjoy sleeping on the cold, hard ground. Especially since my books all mysteriously disappeared..." She narrows her eyes. "Hey, where's Devin?"

Devin, covered in leaves, wearing nothing but underwear, and holding a sack stuffed with suspicious material, falls from a tree. "Oof! Oh, s'up, m' grapefruits? It be a nice day t' go trick o' treatin', but y'know, we ain't able t' 'cuz we's in dis stupid game, yo."

"Trick or treating? Are you mentally stable?" asks Estrella. "...Oh, wait. It's Halloween today, purrrrfect. My favorite day of the year."

Alex is shown in the confessional. "Obviously Estrella is gonna get voted out, it's Halloween, just like that Northworth dude back in Revolution on his birthday. She's morbid, though, so it might be an advantage, if we have some weird sorta trivia challenge today."

Helga looks at Devin, her eyes wide. "Devin.... What is in that sack?" Devin starts whistling innocently, and trying to hide the sack behind his back. Helga runs up to Devin, and yells, "GIVE ME THE SACK!" She tackles Devin, and the sack finally spills out, revealing Helga's books, Julia's stuffed bear, and a sleeping Alex.

"God, it was stuffy in there," yawns Alex, waking up. "Devin, what the crap?"

Chrissy says in the confessional, "Devin is probably trying to be less mainstream and hang out with the tribe, but he's just not getting it. Stealing people's stuff? No."

"Oh, by th' way, I also found dis note, yo," Devin says, holding up a crumpled piece of paper. "'Ey, 'Elga, since you be so good at readin', why don't you read dis note fo' th' teamie?"

Helga snorts. "Whatever." She picks up the paper, and reads. "Hi, contestants. I'm too lazy to come over to you guys, so I have enclosed a giant sack full of paper strips that you will draw out for today's challenge. Once you get your corresponding strip of paper, you'll go to the other team's cabin, and they have a sack with your... er, materials for today's challenge. Then, you'll meet me at the beach, where I'll actually explain this challenge."

"Costume competition, it's obvious," says Estrella. "I'll draw first." She reaches into the bag, and takes out a slip of paper that says 'fairy'. "NO! I refuse to wear pink. Ugh, of course I get the worst one."

"Hey, mine will probably be worse," says Helga, drawing. She picks 'Renaissance woman'. "Ha, never mind. Not bad at all."

Layla stomps up to the bag, and picks it. "Hobo?!" she yells in disgust. "I am NOT a hobo. If this is some sort of 'symbolic' crap, then I'm not doing it. Ugh, screw Roz and her stupid games."

Julia is shown whispering and crossing her fingers. "Pleasepleaseplease--" She draws 'Zane'. "YES! Yesyesyesyes! Eeee!"

Helga says in the confessional, "The chick makes Katie and Sadie seem quiet."

Chrissy is shown drawing 'pirate'. "Eh. I already wear sunglasses anyway," she says coolly. "Arrrrrr."

"I swear, if I have to be her parrot..." says Alex groggily, as he draws out the slip of paper. "Vampire. Cool. I hope I'm one of those sexy ones like Deadward Sullen, the chicks will go all over me, if you know what I'm saying." He nudges Devin, who giggles.

"I guess I be..." Devin picks his card and gasps in shock. "A nerd?! I ain't no nerd, yo. I be th' hardcore G."

Trick is shown drawing his card, and it says, 'pizza'. "How am I supposed to be a pizza? Aw, man, please, don't have tons of food costumes..." He shudders, thinking of Kavren's antics in his banana suit.

"And last but not least, me!" says Tolkien happily, drawing the last card out of the bag. "I'm a... hockey player? Aw, that's kinda boring. I hoped I'd be the Black Mage, either that or a male stripper or something to impress Roz."

Inside, the Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown to be doing the same thing, and the author doesn't feel like announcing everyone's costumes one by one because it would be tedious, so Veronica, Flora, and MacKenzie are shown with their costumes: a Christmas tree, an octopus, and a gangsta.

"Hmm, I wonder what sort of chaz Roz will make us go through today. As long as it involves shoplifting candy, I'm in. I did that one year with Kav. Hehe, Kav, remember when those cops were joking around with us, good times, eh?" laughs Arthur. "Now, time to see what I shall be..." He draws a costume from the big bag, and it's a long, flowing black girls' wig and a small, leopard print bikini. "Wut?"

"Ugh, I'll probably get something crappy..." Trey mopes, as he picks up a genie costume. "I wish I could grant wishes... I'd wish to be out of this hell hole..."

Kavren walks out of the bathroom, in his banana suit from Revolution. "What's up, blooper-scoopers? Got my old friend with me," he says. "And yep, I totally got this from the bag. Definitely." He makes a shifty-eyed face.

Nic grabs a gigantic, unidentifiable costume from the bag. "What is this? This doesn't show off Abby. I don't even know what it's supposed to be!" He holds up the costume, which looks like a gigantic piece of yellow bread dipped in a bowl of a brown mush.

"Beans and cornbread!" says Puck happily. "That's a sweet costume! I wish I had one like that... Hey, where's my costume?" Puck glances at the bag, which is empty. "What about Wolfie and Chelsey and whoever else?"

"You moron, we already got our costumes, but the author wants to get to the challenge," says Wolfgang, dressed as a werewolf. "Fitting costume," grunts Chelsey, who's dressed as a hamburger. "Where's Elena? Can't wait to see what ugly crap she's in."

Elena steps out of the bathroom. She's wearing brown overalls and a green wig. "I'm an oompa loompa," she says extremely unenthusiastically. "Roz said I didn't need to wear any face paint. What a b--"

A loud horn honks from outside, signifying that the challenge is about to begin. The Ralphcakes run out of the cabin, but Nic runs into Chelsey, toppling down everyone else. After everyone is on the ground, Arthur says, "This will be a fun challenge indeed."

Outside, the Ralphcakes and the Citrus Fruits meet Roz on the beach. "Hellooooo, everyone!" she says. "Sooo, since this was supposed to be a Halloween special, you guys are gonna do a Halloween challenge. Buuuut, that might have been obvious because of the costumes. Now, first off, you--"

"Hey, Roz, where's my 'stume? I didn't get one," complains Puck.

"First of all, nobody says 'stume. It's not cool, it makes you annoying. Aaaand, second of all, here's your costume," Roz says. She picks up a jack o'lantern and throws it at Puck. It miraculously lands on of his head, and fits perfectly.

"Jack O'Puck," she says. "No complaints, or you'll sit out. Now, like I was saying... Teams will race to the end of the beach, where there will be a couple of catapult thingies. You will control the catapults, and launch pumpkins from them onto targets on the other side of the beach. Each time a pumpkin lands on the target, you get 100 points, and first team to get to 500 wins. If you get a bullseye, you get 500 points automatically. You can also catch pumpkins... May not be too safe, but you can do it... You get 500 points if you catch a pumpkin and don't injure yourself or break a bone. If you win this, you'll get an advantage in the next part of the challenge! Oh, and the Ralphcakes will sit out two members of this challenge. Who will they be?"

"Veronica and Flora," scoffs Elena. "They're boring."

"Mkay..." Roz says. "Y'know, if I were nice, I'd make you and Chelsey sit out 'cuz you've been hogging screen-time and Ronnie and Flora haven't had like any lines, but I'm not nice, so yeah. Veronica 'n' Flora. Get your booties away from here." Veronica and Flora sadly mope away.

"Pssh, what is this, Survivor?" Flora mutters. "We've never had to sit out before."

"Shut uppppp," Roz barks. "K, guys. Readeh? Oh, yeah, and also, you will have to do this crap in your costumes, so that might slow you down or whatever. Ready, set... GO!"

Arthur and Kavren rush to the catapult with Wolfgang, and they pull back one of their pumpkins. "OK, Kav, be sure to do it lightly so--" says Arthur. Kavren pulls back the pumpkin, and releases it, sending it flying onto Elena and knocking her onto the ground.

"I was trying to say not to do that. Jesus Chris, Kavren," scoffs Arthur. "But, we still have many a pumpkin left, so we're not out of the challenge yet." He looks at his bikini, and shivers. "I feel very exploited right now."

"Arthur, get it together!" howls Wolfgang. He violently pulls back the catapult, and releases it. The pumpkin flies into the air, and... misses the target by 1/12th of an inch. Wolfgang yells something dirty.

Julia and Chrissy are shown, manipulating the Citrus Fruits' catapult. "OK, Chrissy, we gotta do this lightly. Remember, if we win, we get an advantage, soooo, lezzdooaaat!" yells Julia. She pulls back the catapult, and it is sent hurtling.

"Guys! Check it out! I got it! I got it! I go--" yells Puck, jumping up and down quickly. The pumpkin smashes into Puck's stomach, knocking him out cold.

"SHUASHUASHUA!" laughs Wolfgang heartily. "Now, that's comedy."

Elena slowly gets up, and feels her head, which has a giant bump on it. "Puck, stop being a lazy butt, and we gotta do this. If you win the challenge for me, I'll make out with you, and believe me, that is one opportunity you don't want to miss. Deal?"

"Uh, Elena, if you knew me well, you'd know that I'm already dating the beautiful Casey, and I refuse to flirt with other gurlies. Sorry, you're a cool person, but I don't roll like that!" Puck says cheerfully.

"Yeah, about that..." mutters Wolfgang. He takes Puck's phone out of his pocket, showing that he still has it, and the phone rumbles. Wolfgang tries to contain his laughter.

"Oh, Wolfie, you found somethin' funny on there? Awesome, I got this really cool joke app!" Puck yells.

Back at the Citrus Fruits' catapult, Julia and Chrissy are struggling. "This... is... impossible..." Chrissy says. "Freaking pirate costume... And keep in mind that I'm semi-athletic... Alex, get off your arse and help us! Is it really that hard?!"

"Yes," mutters Alex groggily. "I only got ten hours of sleep last night. Gotta catch up..." He begins to drift off to sleep again, but Chrissy kicks him in the groin and he gets back up. "Not cool, man."

Chrissy throws another pumpkin. Trick and Tolkien run to try and catch it, but they're lucky - the pumpkin just barely lands on the target. Trick and Tolkien cheer, and Tolkien hugs Trick. "Uh, no," says Trick, and Tolkien gets off.

"The Citrus Fruits score a point!" yells Roz happily. "Nic's up now now, running to catch a pumpkin. Oh, and he misses it! Arthur and Kavren throw another pumpkin, will this one work?!"

"Shut up, Probst!" yells Wolfgang angrily.

"Yo, dawg, I got dis!" says Devin enthusiastically, trying to put a heavy pumpkin onto the catapult. "Hehe, I don't think so," says a small voice. Devin turns around and sees Helga and Estrella sitting in the corner, reading morbid books. Layla is sitting next to them, doing absolutely nothing but sitting in her hobo costume and scowling.

Devin says in the confessional, "Th' problem wit' our team be dat none o' dem is focusin', dawg. If we's be gettin' off ou' lazy butts, den we'd ha' a goo' chance o' winnin', bu' ain't nobody feel like doin' so. Aye, don' blame me wen we's headin' to elimination, yo."

Devin shakes his head in disappointment, and pulls the catapult back. The pumpkin zooms in the air to the other target, and lands on it.

"Citrus Fruits with 200 points now! Aaaand, the Ralphcakes still have zero. Step it up, guys, or you'll be really sad in the next challenge!" Roz chirps.

"You know what? We are going to win, with the power of beans and cornbread!" Nic says valiantly. "I will now throw the winning pumpkin!" He puts a pumpkin onto the catapult, pulls it back, and releases it, sending it flying up into the air.

Puck, Elena, and Chelsey run to catch the pumpkin. "Come on..." Chelsey mutters. The pumpkin comes hurtling down, and a gigantic explosion is heard. Smoke soon flies into the air, covering up everyone. Once the smoke clears, Chelsey is shown holding the pumpkin.

"Hey, Roz, I got it," Chelsey squeals. "So, does that mean we win? I'm still in one piece, thank god. Ew, if I ever broke a bone, that would destroy my popularity..."

"YES!" yells Roz. "In an amazing come-from-behind victory, the Ralphcakes win the first part of the challenge. Maybe I should have made it a little harder to win, but it's not like anyone can realistically catch a pumpkin... Except Chelsey... Whatever. I'll explain the next challenge in a sec, I may or may not have thought of it already. Heh." She looks at the contestants, shifty-eyed.

Puck says in the confessional, "That. Was. AWESOME! Man, my team is really cool. We've been avoiding elimination so much, it's like insane! The people on it are really weird, and MacKenzie is practically invisible, but whatever. Wolfie is really fun, and I'm glad he's so supportive."

Chelsey says in the confessional, "Well, that was really unexpected. The challenges this season are disturbing, I won't be surprised if like nobody reads this anymore. But whatever, we won, so yay?"

Tolkien is shown dancing in the confessional, with a pink radio playing music. "Freaked out, dropped my phone in the pool again," the music plays, and Tolkien lip-syncs to the music. He then suspiciously turns off the music, and says, "Oops. Uh, well, I don't think we did very well in that... Hope Roz doesn't mind. I really like her... I wonder how Kav would react? But he's on the other team, so I can't even socialize. Gotta wait till merge, I guess." He laughs nervously.

"OK, guys!" yells Roz. "Finally got the idea for the next challenge."

"What is it, shoplifting candy like Arthur said..." says Trey quietly.

"Yes!" Roz responds. "Hehe, Trey, it actually is. You're sooo psychotic, I mean, psychic! Heh. Anyway, you guys will get one hour to roam around the beach and whatnot and find as much candy as you can. The winning team gets invincibility, and the losing team has to go to elimination!"

"Wait, what about our advantage?" whines Elena. "You better not have been kidding, Roz."

"Ohhh, no, I wasn't!" Roz chirps. She reaches into her pocket and tosses her a Footsie Roll.

Elena catches it in her hands, and scowls. "What is this?"

"Ooh, it's a Footsie Roll!" Roz twitters. "It's candy, right? That's one less piece that you guys have to collect! Hehe. Makes your job a lot easier, right?!"

"Lawl. At least we're not them," Layla whispers. "I enjoy seeing the other team suffer. Serves them right for destroying us in the other challenges." Helga and Estrella nod their heads.

The scene changes to the Hopalong Ralphcakes walking around, trying to find candy. Elena is whining, "Sooo, this August, we got an exchange student from Ruritania or whatever. And she's such a brat. She has to sleep in the room next to mine, out of all of the rooms in the house, why that one?! And she's taking all the attention away from me. The second my brother leaves for college, this @#$%& has to step in and ruin everything. Her name is Parmis. What kind of a name is that?!"

"It sounds like a spice," MacKenzie says.

"Yeah, like parmesan," Elena nods her head. "Ugh, I hate her. This is the longest nine months of my life."

Chelsey says in the confessional, "Yeah, I feel sorry for the girl so much... Nine months with Elena? I'd kill myself, personally. And I didn't want to tell her, but parmesan is not a spice."

“Hey, guys, come hither,” Arthur shouts. The other members of the team walk towards him, and he leads them to a tiny roadside shack with boarded-up windows and a small sign on the door. However, the light inside seems to be on. “It says ‘we sell Halloween candy’. Hmm, perfect. Let’s go in.”

“Uh, I don’t know, Art. This place looks kinda sketchy, you know?” Kavren responds. “I think we should stick to getting candy by... other means. Lawlzors.”

“Who gives a flying fladoodle if it’s sketchy? We have to freaking win the challenge!” Wolfgang grunts. “Let’s go in.” He kicks the door open, and sees the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits already inside, sitting on a gigantic mound of candy. “Sup?” Trick says coolly.

“Hey, these vile villains took our candy!” Nic yells. “We must challenge you, you guys know that, right?”

“Ew, no. I hate doing things,” Layla mutters. “If you wanna take candy, you have to speak of the creepy idiot who runs this place, anyway. We had to answer pointless trivia for a half hour to get all this crap.”

“But who runs this place?” Veronica asks.

“Oh, we kind of, uh, got rid of him,” Tolkien says, trying to hold back laughter. “Not my idea, I swear!”

Tolkien is interrupted by a gigantic sack that seems to have a human in it falling from the ceiling. “Ugh, there he is,” Helga says. “I got tired of hearing him speak.”

Puck walks up to the person, and removes the sack. “NYARGLEBARGLE!” yells Smoothie Guy, brushing dust off of him. “What’s up, noodles-in-cups? Ugh, more people here to steal my candy? You know, I bought this for myself, since whenever I try to go trick-or-treating with the nice kiddos in my neighborhood, the parents get all angry and call me dirty names.”

“Rightfully so,” Chelsey scoffs. “Dude, after all that crap you did in TDRev, I don’t blame them.”

“TDREV?! Oh, wow, some of you guys are from there! I didn’t JERealize that. Hmm, is anyone who I despise here...” Smoothie Guy scans the group of people, and sees Kavren. “...You.”

“Hey, pipsnip!” Kavren says. “Now, what do we gotta do to win some candy?”

“I don’t even like candy...” says Trey gloomily. “You don’t like anything,” scoffs Arthur.

“OK, here’s the dealio. Since I’m really tired of making up a bunch of BS trivia, I’ll force you guys to do some other challenge, like wrestle each other or something. No, I got it. Dance-off! Winner gets all the candy!” says Smoothie Guy.

“Whaaaaat?” says Puck. “I have no idea how to dance!”

“So what? That makes things fun. Now, let’s just do one from each team, because this will otherwise take forever. Okay, who’s gonna be the victim-- I mean, volunteer, for Kavren’s team? OK, Flora will do it. Perfect, thanks for volunteering,” Smoothie Guy says rapidly.

“What? I didn’t...” protests Flora, but Smoothie Guy grabs her and pulls her to the center. “Uh, okay.”

“And, for the Citrus Fruits... Hmm. Let’s make this as rigged as possible,” Smoothie Guy whispers to himself. He then pipes up. “I got it! Since Devin is good at dancing, you’ll have Alex representing your team!”

“Ugh, seriously?” Estrella complains. “I have to wake him up, I guess.” She points to Alex, who is snoring on the ground. “Wake up!”

“Blehhh... I feel like dog turds...” Alex wakes up, and has gigantic bags under his eyes, even bigger than usual. “I’m really falling behind on the sleep, guys. These challenges are taking a lot outta me.”

“Well then, you’ll LOVE this!” Smoothie Guy yells in Alex’s ear. Alex whimpers and shakes his head. “So, Alex and Flora, get on the platform thingy and press the thingamajig to make the whatchamacallit move...”

“What?” Flora says. “I don’t get it. Frowny-face.”

Flora and Alex get up and walk onto the dance platforms. Smoothie Guy brings out a boombox, plugs it into the wall, and turns on a dubstep song. “Go, @#$%-holes!” he yells. “Alex, you first.”

Alex, who is having trouble just balancing on the platform, makes some pathetic dance moves. He wiggles his fingers around and jumps up and down, and then crumples onto the ground.

Flora goes after him, and she does the splits, while doing many jumping-jacks and clapping her hands. She then does a horse-riding dance, and does a cartwheel on the platform, landing on the ground.

Helga makes a loud and obnoxious cough that sounds like “Mary-Sue”.

“Hrmmmmm...” Smoothie Guy says. “Well, you know, Alex’s moves were very... I’d say creative. I love how he was simulating the appearance of a drunken teenager. Nice job, Alex, but Flora has beaten you. Her moves... I didn’t know a human being was capable of that crap. But since Alex was so close, you guys each get half of my candy. KK, now take it and GTFO.”

“Wait, but then we’ll be tied!” Julia shouts. “Smoothie Dude, you’re an unfair little--”

“Come on, Julia,” Chrissy says coolly. “I think Roz wants to see us. Simmer down, babe.” The Ralphcakes and the Citrus Fruits take their giant sacks of candy and head out of the little shack.

Roz then meets the two teams back in the center of the beach, and greets them happily. “Hai, guys! Soooo, who found the most candy?” she says. “Can’t wait to see another one of you annoying little morons out of here!”

“Well, we both have the exact same amount of candy in our bags, so I don’t know. You tell me,” grunts Helga.

“No, no, no, that’s wrong, gurlie, I gave the Ralphcakes a Footsie Roll, remember?” Roz explains. “Hehe, I guess it was good for somethin’!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh,” says Puck. “Wait! Does that mean we win? Super-cool! Wolfie, we won! Asdfghjkl!” Wolfgang slaps Puck in the face angrily.

“Yep! The Ralphcakes win for a third time, keeping the cool cabin and also not having to send anyone to the elimination ceremony tonight! I added some things to the cabin, too, so you guys will love that. Hehe. Citrus Fruits... You guys have to go to elimination... Again. How cool is that? I’ll see you there tonight,” Roz says.

“What are we supposed to do with these crappy costumes? I can’t wait to take this thing off,” Layla growls.

“Ohhhh, just keep ‘em. Nice little souvenir for you guys to take home, mkay?” says Roz. “I’m sure you guys wanna see these things and be reminded of me... Hehehe.”

The Ralphcakes walk back to their cabin while triumphant music plays, and they open the door, seeing that there’s an extra story in the cabin, and an elevator. Everyone gasps and rushes in.

“How cool is this?” Arthur says. “We have avoided elimination for like six days. We’re ballin’...” He looks at his watch, and it says... 6:30. “Speaking of ballin’, if you are a male, your balls will figuratively grow by a substantial amount if you talk to women while going through puberty. It is a known stress reliever.”

Chelsey says in the confessional, “OK. Normal Arthur is pretty mild-mannered and can be weird sometimes, but Puber T has to go. He’s disgusting. Heck, I would even align with Elena to take him out... Wait. What am I saying. I would never align with Elena on anything. She’s disgusting. Plus, we don’t even have to go to elimination. What am I worrying about? Ha. Just calm down, Chelsey... You’re fine.”

“Hey, guys, let’s check out the elevator!” says Kavren. “I wonder what it leads to. Maybe some noodles? In or out of cups, it doesn’t matter. I’m craving noodles, though.” Him, Arthur (who is no longer Puber T) and Trey head toward the elevator.

Kavren presses the button, and the door opens, where they see a peculiar sight. Puck is lying on the ground, facing the other guys, while Wolfgang is looming over him, one leg on each side, grinning evilly and doing strange pelvic thrusting movements. The elevator door then closes.

“You know, I think the elevator being added was just an excuse to have that scene,” Arthur explains. “I’m gonna go tighten my peanuts.” He stomps upstairs.

Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are moping around by the beach. Trick walks up to Alex and Devin.

“Okay, guys. You two are going to definitely be targeted today, because neither of you were good in the challenge, and you’re both annoying,” Trick whispers. “If you guys want, we can have an alliance, and eliminate some random person to save you. Cause I’m totally worried about myself also, since everyone hates me from TDRev. But, if you guys don’t prove to me that you can do stuff, I’ll make sure one of you is gone next.”

“Hmm? Targeted? Why be dat, G? I is in th’ thinkin’ dat dem peeps in ou’ team be lovin’ me!” Devin says in shock.

“No, Devin. Let’s be real here. You’re obnoxious, and I’m lazy. I understand why we’re outsiders,” says Alex, placing his hand on Devin’s shoulder.

“Meh. I guess, foo’. I be thinkin’ dat we’s either target Layla o’ Tolky. Layla be snobby ‘n mean, an’ Tolky’s weird aroun’ Roz, yo,” Devin explains.

“Tolkien is really weird, now that I think about it. He’s always snuggling with me and stuff, and he isn’t even really a superstar. I’m voting for him, hope you guys join me,” Trick says.

“Oh, hey, guys,” Helga says, walking up to the guys with Estrella, Julia, and Chrissy. “Who are we voting? I’m fine with anyone.”

Helga says in the confessional, “I despise everyone here except Estrella, Chrissy, and sometimes Julia. It’s just a matter of who I despise more than others. Layla is an idiot, but she’s been quieting down lately, and she had to have done stuff if she won last season.”

“Yeah, well, I hate everyone too. Especially those worthless knobs who hate 1E. Hey, why don’t we vote for Alex?!” Julia says.

“Hi, I’m right here,” Alex says, looking pissed off.

“Um, Julia, I kind of have a deal with them that if they prove to us that they can do stuff in challenges, we can keep them. So, I’m not voting them tonight,” Trick says.

Julia says in the confessional, “When was HE elected team leader? I hate that guy! He was a total jerk in TDRev, and I’m surprised he’s here. Even Devin would be a better leader than him!”

Alex says in the confessional, “Okay, Trick is totally treating me and Devin like we’re five year olds. Seriously, dude. We’ve been in two seasons, he’s been in one. He hasn’t even made the merge. Ugh, what a tool.”

Tolkien walks up to Trick. “Hey, are we voting Layla?” he asks.

Trick stares at him for a moment. “Uh...” he says, looking nervous. “Yeah. Layla’s who it is.”

“Someone, scrub my feet!” yells a voice from the camp. “Being outside in the wilderness sucks! Come on, hurry up!”

“Yeah, we’re gonna vote Layla,” Trick says. “Dude, I’ll make sure you don’t leave. Trust me.”

Roz is shown with the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits at elimination. “Hello, everyone!” she yells.

“Hey, Roz!” cheers Tolkien.

“Uh, yep. Mkay, ready for elimination? This is you guys’ THIRD time in a row. Better step it up, or you’ll become Tiki’d! Heh. Okay, sooo, the first seashell goes to Trick,” says Roz. Trick catches his seashell.

“Julia, Chrissy, Helga and Estrella!” says Roz, and the four catch their seashells.

“Aaaaand Devin, and Alex,” Roz says. The two of them breathe a sigh of relief as they catch their seashells.

“Tolky ‘n’ Layla. Two Tokyo peeps, huh? Aww. I thought we had a good cast. Anyway, the final seashell goes to...”

“Layla. Tolky, it’s time for you to go.”

“wut” says Tolkien. After he recovers from the initial shock, he says, “I guess you guys just picked someone random to blindside. No, I’m not mad. It wasn’t long, but I had a good time with you guys.”

“Aww, little guy, me too,” Helga says sappily. “...Not. Get out of here.”

“Ugh, okay...” Tolkien says. “Roz, I guess this is it, huh? Won’t be seeing you for a while.”

“D’awwwww,” Roz says, her eyes starting to tear up. “Tolky. It was hard last time, it’s super hard this time. You know, Ari likes you. I think you and her would get along nice, ehhh?” She winks.

“Yeah, I guess...” Tolkien says. “Well, bye, Trick. I’m like 99% sure that you voted for me, but I think of you as a friend. Just wanted to let you know that. Okay, see you, everyone! Kick some butt.”

Tolkien walks to the Boat of Losers, and gets in, waving to everyone. The boat chugs away into the sunset.

“D-colon!” yells Roz. “That was saaaad! Anyway, who will win next time? Will the Citrus Fruits lose for a fourth time and become the second incarnation of the Terrible Tikis? Will our invisible contestants get a chance to speak? Will Arthur, Chelsey, and Puck stop hogging all the spotlight? Probably not. Find out next time on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

Chapter 5 - Poetry Smackdown Raw 2013
"Previously on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, a lot of weird interactions happened!" Roz says, doing the recap. "Devin decided to not only prance around in his underwear, but he also had a weird sack with a bunch of personal items in it. Don't ask me, I have no idea. Anyway, I really don't like recaps, so please enjoy this picture of a hamster eating a banana." A picture of a hamster eating a banana pops up. After a few minutes, Roz talks again. "Oh, yeah. I completely forgot. Tolkien was eliminated, which is the saddest thing ever for me. Cri-cri-cri! Tolky was a great kid, you know? All right, I'm done, now let's just see the people in their cabins. Who will win, who will lose, blah blah blah. Don't you guys get tired of hearin' this stuff?"

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown in their cabin, where Arthur is wreaking havoc... as usual.

"Hey, man," Arthur yells into his cell phone. "Is this Todd? This is Harry Richards speaking." An unidentifiable noise is heard from the other side. "Don't rustle my jimmies, man. I know you are Todd. Now, give me the cornbread or bad things will happen." There's a loud crash heard from the other side. "Todd, I'm not playing around. You divorced me and forced me to live with your dysfunctional, 96-year-old grandmother who leaves her teeth sitting around on the kitchen table. You took my money as well. I need that money back, Todd. I'm completely serious."

"Lolwut?" Chelsey says.

Chelsey says in the confessional, "OK, I don't even know what Arthur's talking about anymore. The guy is probably all hopped up on liquor 95% of the time. But hey, I'm not complaining. At least he's not detrimental to our team. We've won like 3 times."

"Hey, hey, Arthur," Kavren says, elbowing Arthur while Arthur's on the phone. "Let's go pull a prank on Elena." Arthur completely ignores Kavren. "Aw, come on, dude. It will be fun. We can pour slime on her or whatever." Kavren continues to bother Arthur, as the camera moves to Puck and Nic, who are playing air hockey.

"Hey, man, you should really be better at this than you actually are," Nic says, as he beats Puck for the umpteenth time. "You are named Puck, and you claim to be awesome at hockey."

Puck begins to sweat. "No, dude, I mean, not air hockey! Ice hockey is where it's at!" he says. "You can even ask Wolfie! He knows about my fantastic skills in hockey."

"If 'fantastic' means 'I-want-to-stab-myself-with-a-ruler-whenever-I-see-you-play', then yep, you're certainly fantastic," says a growly voice from the corner.

Puck says in the confessional, "Wolfie is just a hater. We're definitely friends. He just... doesn't appreciate my panache. That's ok, true friends like each other for who they are!"

"Where's Trey?" Kavren asks. "I feel like we haven't been bothering him as much lately, d00d."

"Oh, he's in the bathroom, having Montezuma's Revenge," Arthur responds. "Karma sure is a no good, selfish, heartless, pushy, bossy, mean bully of a girl."

The toilet flushes, and Trey mopes out of the bathroom. "Hey, speak of the devil," Kavren says.

"...Now you're calling me the devil?" Trey says quietly. "God, you guys are such tools..."

Elena is shown in the confessional. "You know, part of me is actually really sad for Trey. He's obviously the first one gone if we lose, and even though I'm way too good for him, I think he could get a girlfriend. You know, if she was blind. And deaf. And looked like a Snorlax." She pauses. "...You know what? I hate Trey. Screw him."

Chelsey walks up to Elena, who's upstairs. "Hey." Elena looks at Chelsey and scowls. "...What are you doing? Wanna leave? Thaaaanks."

"No. We need to talk," Chelsey says. "I'm getting tired of these Cro-Magnons on our team. Do you mind... doing what I say, so we can get rid of these losahs? Like, maybe if they were semi-popular we could keep them. But they all have absolutely NO PP."

Elena grins widely at Chelsey. "I don't care," she says, while still smiling. "No, but really, there's something wrong with everyone here. Arthur is fat and ugly, Kavren looks like a weasel, and Trey used to be really orange. And that's just the first three. Anyway, where are the boring girls?"

"Probably off somewhere, being boring," Chelsey says. "It's not like they... Wait. Why am I talking to you? I hate you. Forget you. Go home. Goodbye." Chelsey stomps out of Elena's room.

Flora, MacKenzie, and Veronica are shown, sleeping. The camera then moves to the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits' tents, where Julia is awake and doesn't seem to be happy.

"Ew, Chrissy, I am so freaking hot right now. I am PISSED. You wanna know why? I finally decided to get an email so my mother can 'monitor' me, and some @#$%! took the username I was gonna use. 'Larryfashionluvr69'. I now have to go with my second choice. I have to add another 69! You know, I think I'm gonna go take my anger out. This is too much," Julia yells.

"Oh, whatever are you gonna do now," Helga says, off-screen. "It's not like you have a million dollars or something. Poor you."

"Shut it, Helga, go back to fangasming over Deadward Sullen," Julia snarls.

"Ew, I don't even like that series," Helga says, while reading a book called The Adventures of Puckleberry Jake. "And I thought you enjoyed me as a person."

Helga says in the confessional, "I'm really starting to question whether this is even the same Julia as the one I knew back in Tiki. Meh, at least she's sharing my same mindset. You know, I always loved her, she's just so... grumpy. Great minds think alike."

Trick is shown, sitting on the ground. Alex, who's lying down next to him, says, "You're a douchenugget, you know that?"

"Did-- what? Dude?" Trick stutters. "I'm just trying to play the game, man. I thought we had agreed that Tolkien was the one to go."

"But, you know, he really liked Roz. I don't know, maybe he's attracted to those psycho chicks. I don't like that, man. I prefer calm girls," Alex says. He stares out into space, noticing what he's just said.

"Yeah, he really liked Roz, whatever. A couple is really dangerous in a game like this," Trick says.

"...She's not even competing," Alex responds. "Dude, can we just try not to lose anymore so we don't have to get into these dumb and pointless arguments?"

"Yo, dawgs, whassup? I peep you gots some funk game talkin' goin' on. I ain't talkin' bout chicken n' gravy, dawg. Mind if tha Devsta joins?" Devin swaggers into the room. "Y'see, I be jammin' to Brick Boss lately, but he be so obese that I be tired of seein' his moobies jiggle, yo. So I decided t' chill down here, man. I even had some makin' m' new dubstep! Wanna check it out? Be pretty fly, yo." He presses a button on his uPod, and metallic-sounding screeches emanate from it.

"That's. Not. Music," says a snide voice from off-screen.

"Yeah, you guys wanna hear some real music?" Julia says, walking in. "Listen to 1E. Even Dustin freaking Nutria isn't THAT bad. Leeyum said in an interview that he wanted to do a collaboration with Dustin! ISN'T THAT SO EXCITING?!"

"You know what would be exciting?" yells Layla. "If one of you could get me a latte. K? Thaaaanks. And if you don't, uh... Remember when I made Charles do push-ups? Yep. You guys better have some big abs."

"Well, uh, Nic isn't here, so you're out of luck," Helga says sarcastically. "But seriously, guys. We HAVE to win. Do you want to become the Terrible Tikis 2.0? I don't think so."

"Winnin' ain't everythin', señorita. Ya jus' got'sta be chill 'n do whateva' ya can in th' challenge, and it don't matter whetha' we win o' lose," Devin says.

"Yep. We said that the first few times we lost back in Tiki Jungle. LOOK WHAT HAPPENED," snaps Julia.

Layla says in the confessional, "You know, I don't need these losers to do stuff for me. I can get a butler somewhere else. All right, here I go." She clears her throat. "Pick me to take care of, because I'm pretty, nice, and not very demanding! I'll also give you free food! ...Which may or may not have been already eaten. Pshaw, whatever."

"Uh, Julia? You're kinda exaggerating. Especially since the Tikis still had three people by the merge, and we started losing people thanks to..." says Chrissy. "Trey. Ugh, I hate that guy."

There's a rustling in the bushes. Then, Roz bursts out from the brush. "Hai, hai!" she says. "Anyway, time for the challenge and stuff. Meet me in front of the wherever. This is gonna be goooood." She leaves.

Sure enough, the contestants gather in front of Roz, somewhere on the beach. "Hey, 'sup, guys?" she says. "Today's challenge is brought to you by the amazing... Chappy! Hehe."

"This can't be good..." mutters Alex.

"Soooo, he texted me last night - yes, he can use a phone - and was like 'do the contestants like poetry'? Now, I didn't know the answer to that Q, so I decided to force you guys to like it! Isn't that cool?! All righty, but before we get to the challenge, I got somethin' I wanna do. Everyone, take a rock out of this bag. DO NOT LOOK." Roz walks around with a bag, and the contestants all reach in and grab a rock.

"Hmm. This rock is quite hard. That is already one thing it doesn't have in common with my peanuts," Arthur says, examining the texture of the rock in his hands.

"Art! Don't look!" snaps Roz. "All right, you guys can look in 1... 2... 3!" The contestants open their palms. Most of them have generic-looking rocks, but a few are colored. "All right, here's the dealio. If you're a Ralphcake and your rock is painted yellow, you're being switched to the Citrus Fruits, and if you're a Citrus Fruit and your rock is painted red, you're gonna go over to the Ralphcakes! Don't you guys just love team swaps?"

"Ooh, my paint is rocked yellow," Nic says. "Uh, I mean... Yes. You get it." He walks over to the Citrus Fruits, and sees Chrissy. "Senorita. It's been a while, my dear." Chrissy rolls her eyes.

"Mine's yellow too," Veronica says, as she walks over to the Citrus Fruits and waves to everyone. Layla grins smugly.

Julia and Helga hold up red rocks, and walk over to the Ralphcakes, with a look of horror on their faces.

Julia says in the confessional, "Just when I thought things couldn't get any more suck-tacular... They did. That little jerk, Arthur, is on our team. Now, you know that I harbor a DEEP animosity towards Arthur. We gotta vote him out as soon as we can, so I don't have to hear about his morbid obesity and his loose peanuts. Urgh."

"Soooo, there ya guys have it. Julia and Helga are now on the Ralphycakes, and Veronica and Nic are now on the Shi-- I mean, Citrus Fruits! Now, follow me, if you please, and we can get to the challenge," Roz says, and she begins to walk away.

"Ew, Julia," Elena says while walking. "What in the world did you do to your hair? It was sooo precious when it was red. Ugh, you're fugly now. I bet not even Nile would like you."

"Nile? The Nile River? What kind of parents would name their kid after a river? It's exactly like if I named my child Mississippi," Arthur says. "...Although, that's my cousin's name, so it would be strange."

"Lolz, Arthur," Kavren chuckles. "Is that Uncle Stanley's kid? You know, the guy who sits on the couch and resembles a watermelon?" Julia slaps her forehead.

"Yes, and Aunt Edna, whose bowels frequently act up," Arthur says. "We had dinner at her house once. Prune soup."

"Oh, yep, that was the night with that one incident with the refrigerator!" Kavren says, remembering. "There was some pretty weird stuff in there, y'know."

"Don't worry," whispers MacKenzie. "Nobody likes them, obviously. The only reason Arthur's here is because his... girth can help us in challenges. And we haven't lost yet."

"His girth? Isn't he 100% flab?" Helga says dryly. "I don't think I could ever imagine Arthur going to the gym."

"Oh, you know what?" Chelsey is jotting things down in her notepad. "I actually think Arthur could gain some PP from going to the gym, you know? There are tons of douches there. Hot douches, but still douches. The ones with snapbacks and tattoos. Arthur could fit in easily, and he;d be up the popularity chain in no time. It's easy."

"I used to go to the gym..." mutters Trey. "Before it happened... Before... That was so... My life is like a fart..."

"Hey, idiot. Get your own phrase," Wolfgang growls at Trey, while passing by.

Roz arrives at the destination for the challenge. "Heyyy, guys, we're here!" Roz says. The place is small, black, and looks to be made of bricks. It says "Red's Coffee & Poetry Hangout". Roz giggles. "I'm getting excited already! All righty, guys, let's go in."

The door creaks open, and the inside contains tons and tons of hipsters, just sitting there, checking Tumblr, and listening to obscure bands on their reel-to-reel radios. There are also a few creepy old men, but it's mostly hipsters. A small girl with gigantic (albeit half-closed) eyes, long brown hair, and a skirt comes walking up to Roz.

"Hello, Roz," she says. Her name tag says something, but it's too hard to make out.

"Wait. Whoa. That can't be. Nuh-uh," Chelsey is at a loss for words. "...Lizza?"

"Hello, Chelsey," she says. She walks away, and to the cashier. "I am the cashier at this place. After Revolution, I decided that I should take things quite easier. So, I stopped with the Mountain Fizz, and I now work at this coffee place."

"Wow, I never noticed how big your boo--" Kavren begins, but he's nudged in the stomach by Arthur's elbow.

"But yes, you guys will be in the back room," Lizza explains. "Also, call me Elizabeth. I find it to be less childish. Red will be waiting for you."

Roz jumps and down gleefully. "EEEE! All righty, guys, we can't wait any longer! Let's goooo!"

Roz leads the contestants into the back room, where a seedy-looking guy wearing a backwards baseball cap, a collared shirt, and khakis is sitting. "What's the opposite of down?" he mutters.

"RED! Heart-heart-heart!" Roz squeals. She runs over to the guy and kisses him on the cheek. "Hel-loooo!" She then notices that the contestants are right there.

"Uh, you know, we can see all your nasty PDA, right?" Layla grunts. "What happened to that Chaz moron? Weren't you dating him?"

“Not even Charles,” MacKenzie says worriedly. “What about Tolkien?”

"Oh, Chaz and I broke up. He's a tool. And Tolky... uh... Yeah, Red’s just a pal. He shouldn’t get jelly or anything," says Roz. "Anyway, Red is my... uh, cousin! Yeah. He lives in Maine, so I almost never get to see him.”

"So, uh..." Red says quietly. "Can we get to the challenge? You wanna explain, ba-- I mean, Roz?"

"You know, maybe it’s good that Tolkien was eliminated..." mutters Alex.

"All righty! Today's challenge is obviously the Chappy poetry thing that I explained to you guys earlier. You'll be treated to a short poetry showdown between two hipsters, and then you guys gotta basically do a poetry slam thing, being judged by the hipsters, who are experts on poetry... of course. Got it? Kay-kay. Red, bring out th' boys," Roz explains.

"Here we go!" Red says, surprisingly enthusiastically. "First up, it's reigning Coffee Shop Poetry Showdown champion, Hippocrates 'Hippo' Smith."

An obese man with a gigantic ginger beard, a lumberjack shirt, a beanie, coffee-stained jeans, and glasses steps out. "Greetings," he says. "Today I'll be performing 'The Life Of A Reject'."

"That sounds like my life..." Trey says sorrowfully. "Oh, wow, me too!" Flora says sadly.

"I sit in the dark... The darkness overwhelms my soul. Nobody likes me... I have no power or control. At my school, they think I'm fat... And ugly as well. You know, my life... It's just like hell. I don't know who I want to be, I don't know why they always tease me. Bad things happen, yes, I know. But does it really make me grow? I feel numb most of the time. I'm running out of things to rhyme. Yes, that's my life, always running out of rhymes. People throw turkey sandwiches at me... all the time," he says.

"Oh, turkey sandwiches! I got those thrown at me by my good buddy Wolfie!" says Puck. "But, I think he was just trying to be a chill dude and supply me with food. Right, Wolfie? You're such a good friend."

Wolfgang looks at Helga, who makes a fake gagging noise, and Wolfgang chuckles.

"Staaaaaahp talking," whines Hippo. "Uh, actually, I'm done." He walks off the stage.

"Hell breezy," raps Devin. "Lemme show y' how t' keep th' dice rollin' when you doin' that thang ova dere, homie."

"Okay, then..." says Red quietly, as he goes back onto the stage. "Will Hippo keep the crown? Here's his competition. Please welcome Steve "Polonium" Johnson!"

A really skinny, tall guy with a hairdo that nobody else in the world most likely has wearing a shirt depicting an obscure rock band and non-prescription glasses, smoking a hand-rolled cigarette, and wearing no shoes comes out.

"Hi," he says. "My poem today is called Smoking Pot."

"Oh-em-eff-goddess," Elena shrieks. "Are these poems intruding into our personal lives or something?"

"What?! You smoke pot?! Wolfie says that people who do that drop out of high school, never go to college, and usually die alone!" Puck says. Wolfgang rolls his eyes.

Polonium clears his throat. "Let's go," he says. "I walk outside my room. I go downstairs, and hear a shriek. I have forgotten something large, and my girlfriend who is named Marge... will get mad at me. Sadly, I must go pee. Although, when I come out, I hear the oven shout. The pot is overflowing, and I am this close to going... outside of my house, just like a dead mouse. I stop the smoking pot, and burn my hands and shout. I take the mac and cheese... out, and start to wheeze. It tastes like the bee's knees. Can you have some? Oh, please." The hipsters from outside are shown clapping.

"...What was the point of that whole spiel?" Helga inquires.

"There was none!" Roz says. "Except for the fact that YOU guys will be doing it now! All righty, judges. Who do you think won that round?"

"Is this really necessary?" whines Alex. "I wanna sleeeeep."

Polonium stands at the stage, looking angry. "Well, if you guys don't appreciate true art, then I guess you can just go!" he whines.

"Yeah, uh, if you complain, you gotta sit out of th' challenge," Roz pouts. "Sorry."

"Don't I always complain..." Trey mutters. "Maybe that's why everyone hates me... I wouldn't be surprised..."

"I don't hate you, Trey," Chelsey says sympathetically. "...Just kidding. I do. I'm not even gonna waste my time on your PP points, you're such a scumbag that it's not worth my time."

"All right, here we go, who wants me to pick and who wants Red to pick?" Roz says.

"Is death an option?" Estrella says quietly.

"Was that really needed, Strelly?" shrieks Roz. "Out of the challenge, to be honest. Baaaai, sit over there on the Bench of Losers."

"I might as well go ove--" Trey begins.

"SHUT UP!" yells Julia, before he can finish.

"Fine. Red can pick. Ugh, you guys take the piss out of me," mutters Roz. "All righty, Reddy baby. You gotta pick the battlers."

"Uh, okay," Red says apprehensively. "Fat dude on the red team versus the blonde guy on the other team. I don't know your names, sorry."

"Gertrude Flabberman," Arthur says. "Hello, Trick. I'm going to roast you."

"Ooh, awesome, I'll go get the steaks!" Kavren says happily.

"Uh... go," Red says unenthusiastically. He then resumes making out with Roz, and the others look on in disgust.

"Oh, something I forgot to mention!" Roz says. "You guys gotta pick the same topic, and alternate back and forth or whatevs."

"Ugh. That's not true poetry slamming! You spit on the true artful form of it!" yells Hippocrates. Polonium nods his head in agreement. "Not cool, man."

Roz growls. "Just... go. So we can get this challenge over with." Red nods his head. "Your theme is bikinis. Go!"

"Bikinis. They are on the bottom. Bottom's not on top. Top of my head, I find things that may or may not be dead. My skinny little cousin is named Fred. Fred's leg always hurts, and I have a Puber T shirt," Arthur begins.

"Bikinis. You know. Males go to beaches, in their desperate ways. Always looking for a woman, you see. They don't think they can use their personality... After all, I got Camm-ee, and I didn't wear a bikiniii," Trick says.

"To be honest, Cammy is not hot. I would rather take Chelsey, even though I do not have a shot. Cammy's nose is big, and her personality is that of a pig. All she did was cry all day, and it made me want to slay... Myself. Kavren's ears resemble those of an elf," Arthur says.

"Well, maybe she cried, but did you ever stop to think that her true personality lies inside? Beauty's in the heart, you old fart. Now, your poetry is crap, but mine is a form of art," Trick finishes.

"Blehhhh. You guys are mediocre at poetry," Roz says. "But, since Trick is douchey, Arthur wins! The Ralphies are leading, 1-0. KK. Hmm... Let's see who's next. Since Red is asleep, I think," she glances at Red, who's snoring, "Alex versus Julia!"

"Wait, but we're on the same t..." Alex says. "Wait. Never mind. Muh, can I volunteer Devin? He's good at rapping, I imagine he'd be good at poetry."

"Actually, dawg, I don't be likin' poetry. Too much words, yo," Devin says. "That Dev don't unda'stand."

"Uh, sorry, dude. Roz said that Alex would go, so Alex has to go," Red says.

Kavren is shown talking to Lizza, who's walking around. "Hey! Lizz! Mind getting me some bubble tea? It makes my stomach all bloopy."

"Coming right up, sir," Lizza says calmly.

"Oh, hey, annoying caffeine chick. Grab me a slab of bologna if you've got it. Unless you're one of those crappy bars that only sells alcohol," Layla scoffs.

"No, we do not even sell alcohol. We're a coffee shop," Lizza says. "Would you like me to get you a baguette instead?"

"No, I want some dung with parsley on it," says Layla rudely. "Of course I want a baguette. Chop-chop."

“All right, but you will have to pay money for it,” Lizza says. “We don’t just give people things freely.”

While Layla and Lizza continue bickering, Julia clears her throat. “Uh, Roz?! Shouldn’t we... I dunno, be doing the challenge?” she says angrily.

“Talk to Red, not me. I’m trying to get this hangnail off,” Roz says nonchalantly, picking at her finger.

“Uh? What?” Red says, taking off his Beets by Dray. “Fine. Let’s just do it. Devin versus Julia. Go.” “Yo, Juli-Juli-G, you ain’t no playa! When you had shawt ‘n red hair, you be so much hotta’! Now you’s obsessed wit’ One Erection, yo! But no other dudes be likin’ you, yuh a’ready knooooe!” raps Devin.

“Shut up, Devin. Your long hair is ugly. And your taste is really bad if you think 1E is... fugly. Your sagging pants don’t make you look cool, they make you look like a fool,” Julia yells.

“It is quite queer that both of Roz’s significant others have appeared only in challenge that involve spoken word,” Arthur mutters.

“Dude, I’m her cousin, man,” Red says peevishly.

“Yes. I am sure. And I am Theodore Roosevelt,” Arthur says. His watch then rings. “No, I am actually... Puber T.”

“Ugh, SERIOUSLY?!” yells Julia, in the middle of her rap against Devin. “Red, I know we’re on the same team, but I gotta roast this noob.”

“Julia. Simmer down,” Helga tries to reassure her. “You can take your anger at Arthur out later by sending explicit emails to him online.”

Roz clears her throat. “OK, so since Red and I have to get mass-- I mean, we’re kinda pressed on time, the Citrus Fruities get a point and we’re gonna get into a tiebreaker. Any volunteers? You’ll get this free lollipop!” Roz pulls out a lollipop shaped like her head.

“Yes. Indeed. I shall rap for the Citrus Fruits. My rap skills are unma-a-a-atched,” Nic says in autotune.

“Hey, can I go for you guys?” Flora says. “I think I can--”

“No,” Elena says rudely, interrupting her.

“Come ON. It’s not like you’d be any better,” Chelsey says. “That is, if your rap skills are as good as the type of clothes you wear.”

“OHHHHHHH!” yells Puck obnoxiously. Wolfgang slaps his forehead.

“No... Guys... Just give the chick a chance... It’s not like we have anything to lose... I’ll just be the first one voted out of the team...” Trey mutters.

“Oh,” Flora giggles uncomfortably. “Thanks, Trey. I think? Okay, Roz, I’ll go against Nic!”

“Cool,” Red says unenthusiastically. After five seconds, he says, “What are you waiting for? Go.”

“Are you ready for a beating? I am the greatest villain,” Nic says, while flexing his muscles. “Bring it on, little girl! I will just be sitting here chillin’. Your raps are not good, in fact I can’t even hear them. You have a Pokemon shirt, and absolutely no skill. I rap like Three Blingz, and my flow is quite ill.”

“Nic, you were on our team, but you left and now you’re history. If you paid attention, you’d know that it’s not rapping, it’s poetry,” says Flora sweetly. “It’s cute that you think you’re a villain, when you’re not intimidating at all. If you want, we can go shopping one day at the mall. I’m done.”

“Wow, that actually wasn’t that ba--” Elena begins. “I mean, ew. That was AWFUL. Flora, you’re done.”

“I thought she did pretty good,” shrugs MacKenzie. “Did pretty well,” corrects Helga.

“Of course,” Arthur says. “It is a common trope. The underdog proves herself after beating another in a battle, and wins for the team. Think Harold.”

“Who said she won?” Red says. After a pause, he says, “Just kidding. She obviously won. So, uh, Ralphcakes, you guys win again. Other team, once again, you’re gonna vote some dude out. Peace.”

Red and Roz leave the building. Lizza comes in, with a gigantic bill. “This is for all the food that Layla ate.”

The team glares at Layla. “What?!” she yells angrily. “I get special privileges, obviously.”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes come back to their cabin, happy to win once again.

“So this is your crib, huh? Nice place. I’m surprised,” Julia says, surprisingly happily.

“Ew, it smells like--” Helga whines. “Body odor and Arthur’s anus? Yep, that’s about all that I ever smell,” interrupts Wolfgang. Helga smiles at Wolfgang.

“My anus? It is not my anus, unless my anus somehow got up and walked around and spread its smell all over the place,” Arthur explains.

“Bluhhhh,” Wolfgang says. “I’m gonna go crash. Nighty.” He falls asleep on the couch and starts combing his hair in his sleep.

Puck walks up to the sleeping Wolfgang, and pours a bucket of ice-cold water on his head.

“LRVRTCSUKRV!” yells Wolfgang, waking up with his hair completely drenched. “You asshat! What did you do that for?!”

“Oh, uh, I had something to tell ya, Wolfie! Didn’t want to disrupt your naptime,” Puck explains.

“Disrupt? DISRUPT? You basically took my naptime, fed it poisoned food, shot it twice in the chest, tied it up and threw it into a river!” Wolfgang yells. “Now, WHAT did you possibly want to ask me.”

“Oh! I just wanted to say that there was a fly buzzing around your face. It’s gone now, bro. Don’t worry!” Puck says happily.

Wolfgang’s face turns red as he blows smoke out of his ears and makes a noise resembling that of a locomotive.

Chelsey is watching Nebraska Shore, and Elena walks up next to her. “Ugh. What do you want?” Chelsey says.

“Is my makeup dripping? I feel sweaty,” Elena whines.

“Ugh, Elena. You have to understand that I don’t like you. I know we had that little talk earlier, but that doesn’t mean I respect you any more than I did. I just... don’t think you’re as awful of a person than I did,” Chelsey says.

“People think I’m an awful person...” says a voice from the corner. “I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Okay, fine. Here’s all I want. Girls’ alliance with you, Julia, and Helga,” Elena says.

“I thought you hated them and thought they weren’t popular,” Chelsey says. “They aren’t, but still.”

“I do hate them. But you have to admit, they’re waaay more popular than Arthur and those morons,” Elena says. “I don’t even like being in the same ROOM as them.”

“Neither do I,” Chelsey says, she then pauses. “You know, you’re actually onto something. I’ll get back to you on that.” She scoffs, then takes out her phone and begins texting.

Back at the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits’ gathering of tents in the grass, Devin puts his pants up to dry. “Yo, dawgs, I got some bling in m’ pants, so don’t be trippin’, kaykay?” he says.

“Ugh. Whatever,” Estrella mutters.

Estrella says in the confessional, “You know, Devin is different than I thought he’d be.” She pauses. “He’s actually worse. Can’t stand the kid. You know, Alex and Nic are also really, really awful. I’d like to turn any of them into a squid, but I have to go with the team.”

“What are you thinking?” Trick walks up to Estrella.

“God, Trick, I’m not going to talk strategy with you,” Estrella says. “You’ll just backstab me.”

“Backstab?” Trick says, shocked. “I’m not that kind of dude... I don’t think. Estrella, you’re a trustworthy person.”

“Fine. As long as it isn’t me, I’m good,” Estrella says.

“Okay,” Trick says. He looks around to make sure nobody is around. He then whispers, “Vote Veronica.”

“Who?” Estrella says.

“Veronica,” Trick repeats. “She’s the ginger who came from the other team. She’s a threat, ‘cause she has ties with the Ralphcakes and could easily flip at the merge.”

Estrella scoffs. “Why couldn’t we take out Nic? He’s easily more annoying,” she says dryly.

“He’s buff. We need that in challenges,” Trick explains.

“Yep, there’s definitely gonna be a challenge that involves weight lifting,” Estrella says. “But, whatever. If you want to vote Veronica, we can. I’d rather vote Devin, though, but since your girlfriend is the only person in the universe who I don’t abhor, you’re good by default.”

“Thanks,” Trick says. He smiles, then walks away.

“Um, hello?!” Layla is watching a TV show on her uPod. She yells at Veronica, who looks at her. “Mind getting me a protein shake?”

“Uh... Why?” Veronica says, confused.

“My hips are getting big and bulgy,” explains Layla. “See? Now, do it. Stat. I need to look semi-decent if I wanna be on the cover of one of those designer magazines.”

“Oh, okay!” Veronica says. About a minute later, she comes back outside, carrying the protein shake. “Here you go, Layla! But won’t that put meat on your bones instead?”

“Don’t. Question. My methods,” Layla says loudly. “Thanks, sweetheart. Love you.”

Veronica says in the confessional, “You know, Layla is intimidating... But I don’t think that being her Charles is that bad. It easily gives me a chance to go to the final two, because alliances of two are powerful. As long as I do as I am told, I can get far and I’ll win! I’m happy that I have friends. Layla’s nice, just misunderstood.”

Layla says in the confessional, “Heh. If that idiot actually thinks I’m going to be nice to her, as if. Did she even watch last season? She’s Charles, but minus the snottiness and... er, wrinkly parts. I’ll dump her soon enough, it’s just funny that she falls for the crap that easily after being played by Amanda back in the very first season.”

“Yo, G,” Devin walks up to Trick. “Do me a fava’ an’ don’t vote me out t’night, a’ight?”

“Of course,” Trick says. “We’ve got an alliance, remember? Last time, when we voted out Tolky, we stuck together. I think.”

Alex mutters something on the couch. “I dunno. You’re kinda a snake.”

“A snake, wut? Dis guy be trustworthy,” Devin says reassuringly.

“Yeah. I’m trustworthy. When I want to be,” Trick says.

Devin says in the confessional, “Y’know, I had be usin’ m’ analytical skillz an’ I decided that th’ two main targets fo’ eliminananation is Veronica ‘n me. So, obvi, I be votin’ Ronnie. I ain’t gon’ vote m’self out, yo. That just be stupid.”

Smoothie Guy is shown at the elimination ceremony. “What’s up, @#$%&es? Anyway, your ugly and hyper host isn’t here at the moment. Guess who’s replacing her? ME. Okay, so seashells go to... That blonde dude. And the dude with Dustin Nutria hair.”

Trick and Alex catch their seashells, and stare at each other.

“That annoying moron who was a gentleman back in Rev City,” Smoothie Guy says. “The one with black hair.” Devin sighs, and Nic catches his seashell.

“Layla,” Smoothie Guy says. “Of course I know your name, do you think I don’t read the tabloids?”

“WHAT tabloids?!” groans Layla.

“Wait, you’re not dating Lion Forests?” Smoothie Guy says. “Darn it. I was hoping he’d cheat o-- you know what, never mind. Okay, Chrissy, you’re safe too. And Estrella.”

“You know what, I forgot you were here,” says Estrella to Chrissy.

“Being places is too mainstream,” says Chrissy softly.

“Final sush-- I mean, seashell of the night, folks. Devin and... you. I don’t know your name,” Smoothie guy says.

“I’m used to it...” Veronica says.

“The final seashell goes to...”

"The ginger. Ugh, can you tell me your name or something?" Veronica catches her seashell.

"What?!" Devin shrieks. "Dis be rigged, yo. What I even do?"

"I'm sorry, but you got in the way..." Layla says. She then slaps her forehead. "Of stuff. You're just annoying. Bye."

"Whateva, yo!" Devin says. "You dawgs jus' be jelly cuz I be me and I be real! And y'all ain't! K, I'm done." He walks to the Boat of Losers, and makes an obscene gesture with his hands. "Peace."

"That... sure came out of left field, huh?" Chrissy says. "Whatever. I wasn't affected in any way."

Layla and the others walk back to the tents. Smoothie Guy's voice is heard. "Wait, have you at least TALKED to Lion? Ugh, I want to know all the juicy gossip!"

Layla says in the confessional, "All right. I'm not the kind of you-know-what who just takes control of the game and crap, but Devin had to go. It was either him or Veronica, and you know Veronica has to stay in because she's my Charles. It wasn't hard, really. I'll go to the final two with Veronica if I can. And then, I will win. And actually use the money this time."

Roz suddenly appears in front of the Boat of Losers. "Drama!" she says. "Soooo, Dev-meister is finally gone. Who will follow in his footsteps? Will more juicy drama happen with our contestants? Will Tolky have a meltdown? Find out... whenever! Bai!"

Chapter 6 - I Don't Give Two Skits
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, there was an action-packed episode filled with... uh, action! Yep. So, anyway, the Ralphcakes and the Citrus Fruits mixed up some members, when Helga and Julia went to the Ralphcakes and Nic and Veronica went to the Citrus Fruits! They fit in... kinda. Anyway, the challenge happened, and I reunited with my cousin, Red! Yes, he’s my cousin. No, I’m not incestual! What are you talking about?! And so the challenge happened, it was short and really weird. Hipsters told us poems, and we then made poems, but they weren’t really poems. More of crappy freestyle rap. Soooo, the Ralphcakes won. Is that a surprise, really? Nooooopeeee. Devin was voted out, after Layla decided she wanted Veronica to be her new Charles, and decided to eliminate anyone who got in her way! Evil chick, huh? Or just really likes moolah. I sure do, and I hope these guys who are competing do, because... Yep. So, today we’ve got more tricks in store! What will happen? Find out today, on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

The Citrus Fruits are shown returning from the elimination ceremony. “Night, guys,” Trick says. “I’m gonna go to bed.”

“No, you aren’t,” Layla says rudely. “You’re gonna scrub my fee... Oh, wait, I have Veronica for that. VERONICA! Get over here.”

“I’m going to the bathroom!” says a voice in the woods. “Can you wait like 10 seconds?”

“No! Hold it or something,” Layla says. “Get over here! My feet are crustier than Charles.”

“Ugh, Layla, do you really have to... You know, I’m done trying,” Estrella grunts, reading a book called “Death Fairies: The Fairies of Death”.

“Hey, that looks like an interesting book, doesn’t it? VERONICA! Read it for me,” Layla yells.

“Layla, I’m sorry,” Veronica finally comes over to them. “What exactly do you want me to do? Scrub your feet or read you that book? Or I could do both...”

“Yes, that would be the best option...” Layla says in a singsong voice.

Alex walks up to them. “Did I hear scrubbing feet? Oh, that sounds really nice right now, tbh.” He lies on the ground and takes his shoes off.

Veronica says in the confessional, “Layla is a meanie. I REALLY don’t like her. I take back everything I said about her being just misunderstood, because... it’s not true. She’s just a jerk!”

“Uh, do you guys have Fumblrs?” Chrissy tries to change the topic. “My boyfriend and I made one dedicated to Adolescent Giants. It’s pretty--”

“WAIT!” Nic appears. “Did I hear boyfriend? Oh, my darling, Abby does not approve.”

“Well, uh, if boyfriend can even be used as a word anymore,” Chrissy tries to explain. “We’re kind of casual. Nic, are you jealous?”

Nic tries to cover up his tears. “Nyet!” he says. “I am happy for you and your... boyfriend. No, I am not jealous. I’ll be right back... I must drown in my sorrow for approximately an hour.”

“What’s up with him?” Chrissy says, after Nic has left. “Not that I care, anyway,” she growls.

“You shouldn’t,” Estrella growls. “The kid is a perv. You deserve better. I don’t even like thinking about Julian.”

At the Hopalong Ralphcakes’ dorm, the contestants are chilling out and doing the semi-disturbing things they usually do.

“Hello, Saint Nicholas,” Arthur says, while on his laptop. “I’ve been meaning to ask, what is it like to live life while smelling like gopher brains?”

“Arthur... Leave me alone...” Trey says.

“You know, Art-doodle, maybe we should leave him alone...” Kavren says. He then whispers to Arthur, “And make fun of him behind his back instead. Hehe, hehe, hehe.” The two giggle obnoxiously.

Chelsey stomps out of the girls’ room, followed by Julia. “Will you quit yelling at me?!” Chelsey says. “All I said is that I don’t LISTEN to 1E. I never expressed any sorts of negative feelings about them. Except the Zane guy, he’s ugly. But that’s not the point.”

“Chelsey, it’s a freaking crime,” Julia says. “It’s punishable. Like, one time I took Tasia to their concert, and... I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ooh, is that the story about the turkey?” Arthur says excitedly.

“ARTHUR, SHUT UP!” yells Julia. “You know nothing.”

“Oh. My. God,” Chelsey says, completely changing the subject and now on her phone. “EMZ is blogging about Snooki. Apparently she’s ENGAGED. To some douchey surfer dude. Ugh, Queen Snooki deserves better.”

“Queen Snooki? Ewwww. She’s so orange,” says Elena. The others look at Elena, and begin to laugh.

Puck is playing Call of Pooty: White Pops 2. “Whoa, dudes, anyone wanna play? This game is so sick! I’m trollin’ some ten year olds!” he yells, while pointing the controller at the TV screen violently.

“I would like to simulate that game in real life, only with a real gun, and with Puck being the target,” mutters a voice from the corner.

“You’re a weirdo, Wolfie!” says Puck, while playing. “But you’ve got spirit! Wanna play?”

“No,” Wolfgang says. “I’d rather hit myself in the head repeatedly with a ruler.”

“I can make that happen,” says Helga, taking out a bag with school supplies in it.

“Hehe. Wolfgang, that’s hilar,” Puck says, while laughing.

“NOBODY SAYS THAT STUFF,” Chelsey yells.

“Dolph said it back in TDRev,” Kavren recalls. “I’m not sure if it was actually him, or just an obese bald dude. He likes to disguise himself. Spooky, huh?”

“That’s not spooky,” Arthur says. He then makes one of the most grotesque faces ever imaginable. “This is.”

“...Yep. That too,” Kavren says.

“Arthur, you seem like a pro at getting women,” Chelsey says sarcastically. “I’m sure the bitches are ALL over you.”

“Actually, my dog Clarence just had puppies, and they are all females and enjoy climbing on me while I am asleep,” Arthur explains.

Flora and MacKenzie are drinking coffee. “You know, I can’t stand these people anymore,” MacKenzie says.

“Aww, don’t be silly, they’re not that bad,” Flora says.

“BLEEGLEFLEEGLE!” A scream is heard, and Puck is now hanging upside-down by the ceiling by a rope.

“No, but seriously, if we could form an alliance and systematically eliminate these weirdos while trying to get to the final two, wouldn’t that be so cool?” MacKenzie chirps.

“Alliances? Who cares about that crap?” Wolfgang overhears their conversation. “You should know by now that 95% of the people on this freaking show are weirdos and don’t have a strategic bone in their bodies.”

“I actually have a strategic bone. It is my humerus,” Arthur says. “Humerus. Haha. Isn’t that humorous? But yes, he frequently strategizes with me while I am attempting to tighten my peanuts. It gets old.”

“You know what else gets old?!” snaps Julia. “When you don’t SHUT UP. Seriously. Ughhhhh.”

“Leeyum’s ugly new haircut makes him look like GERecognize,” Arthur snickers. Julia gets even angrier.

“Okay, Julia, I’m sorry, and I never thought I would agree with him, but I kind of have to,” Helga says, while reading a book called “Run The Flea”.

“Helga! What the @#$%! I thought you liked the guys, or at least Nile!” Julia snaps.

“...No,” Helga responds. “I don’t. At all. Who does?”

“Mary,” responds Kavren. Everyone looks at him.

“I don’t even know anymore,” Chelsey says, now on her laptop. “Kavren, you’re soooo unpopular.”

“I don’t even know anymore why you use the Internet. It sucks. All there is is a bunch of ugly twelve-year-old boys who think they’re playas but go on Chatrotate and see nothing but thingadingalings and old men, and annoying HeadNovel losers who post all that ‘Like if you like pancakes, ignore if you want angry sex with the devil’ crap,” Wolfgang says.

“What are you talking about? I just check all the social networks that I have a combined amount of 1,000,000 followers on,” Chelsey explains. “The Internet is great.”

“For porn,” Arthur chuckles in the corner. Chelsey throws her phone at him, and it hits him in the head.

Roz suddenly runs into the cabin. “Bonjour! Time for today’s challenge! KK, guys, follow me, hehe.”

The contestants follow Roz outside, where she leads them to the beach. “Sooo, any guesses on what the challenge is gonna be?”

“Let me guess,” Estrella says. “Some dude who you claim is a family member comes, you kiss, then he does a crappy job at making a challenge. Oh, and the Citrus Fruits lose.”

“Haha, nooo, that was last week,” Roz says. “...And that one time in Tokyo. But that was Chris’s fault, not mine. Mkay, so, I don’t actually know what the challenge is gonna be. Just hang tight for a moment.”

While she sits there, Layla takes her uPhone out and starts texting. Soon after, Chelsey does too, followed by Elena.

Layla purposely spits on her phone. “Veronica, clean that up,” she says, handing Veronica a tissue. Veronica reluctantly cleans up the spit.

“Oh lawd dat nasty,” says Kavren, looking at it.

“All righty, so, since I’m feeling really, really uncreative today, you guys are gonna do the token Take A Skit challenge!” chirps Roz. “There’s stuff in your cabins, I’m pretty sure. Meet me at the camp amphitheater in like two hours, and we’ll judge your skits. Team with the better skit wins the challenge! OK, what are you waiting for? Get going!”

Arthur, Julia, Kavren, and the rest of the Ralphcakes are shown walking to their cabin. “Hey, guys,” Julia says, looking directly at the screen. “Don’t forget to follow me on Tweeter. I have better tweets than ANYONE here. My username is @StateofjuIia. DO IT.”

“YEAH, I’VE BEEN LIVIN’ IN THE STATE OF JULIA,” sings Arthur obnoxiously. Julia punches Arthur in the arm, and he stops.

“Livin’ in a make believe... Gulia,” Kavren says quietly, and notices Julia glaring at him, then stops.

“All right, let’s get this over with as quickly as possible,” Wolfgang snorts. “I have three rules that you guys gotta follow, unless you want to be yelled at by a grumpy... Me. First off, I do not like cross-dressing. Secondly, I do not like singing. And finally, I do not like cross-dressing while singing. Got it?”

“Oh, don’t worry, bro-migo!” says Puck. “Arthur has got the cross-dressing covered. And I think you gurls are good singers? Huh? Huuuuuuh?”

“Ew, no. Singing is for dorks,” Elena whines.

“I surprisingly agree with her,” Chelsey says, then slaps herself in the face. “But I’ll sing if I have to. Only if I have to, though.”

“So, for singers, that leaves... Myself, Kavren, who sounds like a dying tortoise, Puck, who is most likely not much better, Arthur... ew, Julia, Flora, MacKenzie, and Trey,” Helga says. “Trey probably can’t sing.”

“How do you know that...” Trey says. “I used to love to sing... My vocal cords dried up, though...”

“Ugh, you noobs. When did Roz say that it had to include singing? We’re not putting on a freakin’ musical. And since probably none of you sound as angelic as Larry Fashions, we should refrain from singing. Let’s just do comedy,” Julia rants.

“That’s a great idea! I think I could be funny,” Flora says excitedly.

Elena snorts. “Yep, funny as in let’s laugh at her since she’s so unpopular. Just stop trying, girl.”

“Elena. That was RUDE. She could end up being popular. You never know, I mean, at least she doesn’t look like she should be on the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits,” Chelsey says.

“You just got served,” giggles Kavren.

Chelsey says in the confessional, “Elena? She’s a leech on society. She’s not a nice person, and even though I promised her an alliance, I AM willing to break it up. That’s how unpleasant she is. I’d take Arthur over her. ...Don’t tell her I said that.”

Wolfgang and Puck are looking through the costume box. “Hey, Wolf! How about this one?” Puck pulls out a set of fairy wings and a tutu.

“No!” Wolfgang yells. “I’m not wearing that.”

“What about this one?” Puck pulls out a banana suit.

Wolfgang shushes him. “No. You have to hide that. There’s no way I’m going to endure watching that hammy moron running around with the banana suit again.” He grabs the suit and throws it outside, where Nic runs by and grabs it.

“Man, Wolfie, I just gotta say, I appreciate how much of a pal you’ve been lately,” Puck says. He pats Wolfgang on the back.

“BLAAAAAGH!” Wolfgang screams, and jumps into the air. “Why the @#$% is your hand so cold?!”

“Oh, it was hurtin’, so I went in the cold tub and took a nice bath,” Puck explains.

“The cold tub? I... I don’t even want to ask,” growls Wolfgang. He stomps away and back to the team.

Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are trying to find ideas for their skit.

“Lookie here,” Layla demands, holding up a sheet of paper. “I already wrote an entire one-act play for you guys. It’s called The Ginger Butler. The starring role is a beautiful woman, AKA me, and she has a useless ginger butler who never gets her anything. That’s about it.”

“You know, Layla, maybe if you weren’t so lazy all the time...” Alex says groggily. “Hey, can someone get me my phone?” He points to his phone, which is two feet away from him.

“My friends, you have much to learn in the act of playwriting,” Nic says. “Usually, there is a sexy hero. And there is also a dastardly villain. I will call her...” He takes out Kavren’s banana suit. “Madame Banana!”

“No. There is no way I’m going to wear that,” scoffs Layla.

The scene immediately cuts to Layla wearing the costume. “Okay. You know what? Fine. But only for this skit,” she says.

Chrissy is whittling a piece of bark. “Okay, Nic, we have a villain... I think. Any more

ideas?”

“Yes. The hero rescues a damsel in distress,” he says, winking at Chrissy. “Hint, hint.”

“Nope, not doing it,” Chrissy says immediately after he finishes. “I’ll work on the lights or something.”

“Veronica? Would you like it?” Nic says.

“Back off,” growls Layla. “Veronica is my sidekick, the evil Butler Apple.” She takes out an apple costume and a tuxedo.

“Estrella? Any takers?” Nic asks desperately.

“Nope,” Estrella says. “I’ll be the announcer or something. But I’m definitely not going to be your love interest.”

“What? Aw, darn it! That is all the girls on the team!” Nic whines.

Trick points to Alex. “You know, his hair is pretty long...”

Alex shrugs. “If it makes us win the challenge, sure, then. I’ll do it.”

Trick grabs a blonde wig and puts it onto Alex. “All right, then... Alexandra. Thanks for helping out.”

“Wait, I never said you could call me that,” Alex raises an eyebrow. “I get mistaken for females at home enough already.”

“Okay, then, we have...” Estrella reads down the cast list. “Nic is gonna be... Mr. Sexy Mucho? That’s the best you could come up with? Fine. Layla will be the evil guy, Veronica her sidekick, Trick the cop, Alex the buxom sidekick of Mr. Sexy whatever, and me and Chrissy will have nothing to do with th-- I mean, do the lights.”

“Wait? BUXOM?” Alex says, his eyes wide. “...This day keeps getting better and better, huh?”

“Hey, at least we’re getting along... kinda,” Chrissy says, attempting to reassure Alex. “Knowing Arthur and Julia and those guys, they’re probably killing each other.”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown, and they might as well be killing each other.

“Arthur, there is NO WAY you’re gonna @#$%ing dress up as Larry Fashions!” yells Julia. “I said we were gonna do COMEDY!”

“Relax, Jules,” Puck says. “Dressing up in funny ‘stumes is totally comedy!”

“Yep, I agree,” Kavren chirps. “We gotta do this, Julia. We’ve got five dudes, and wigs. And we can all sing kind of good.”

“Kind of well,” corrects Helga from the corner. “Staaaaahp!” Kavren says, annoyed.

“Seriously, Julia. First of all, 1E isn’t even popular. Except among short gingers-turned-brunettes. Who cares if they dress up as them? We can call them something else. Like... One Rejection,” says Chelsey.

“HAHA!” Elena yells. “That’s fularious. ‘Cause they’re social rejects.”

“Fularious?” Puck says. “I’m the master of dumb slang, and I don’t even know that one! Schweet!”

“Uh, Puck, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory,” Helga says dryly. “Basically, think of the opposite of yourself.”

“OK, guys, we’re getting off track... again,” MacKenzie says. “Who’s gonna be who? I found costumes for everyone!”

“Well, I get to choose, since I’m obviously the biggest fan,” Julia glares at MacKenzie. “Ughhhh, none of these dudes even look like anyone in 1E!”

“I’ll be Leeyum,” Kavren suggests. “Obvs.”

“Ugh, fine,” Julia says. “I mean, you only say at school that you look like Leeyum once an hour. Blegh. Puck, I guess you gotta be Nile.” She tosses him the blonde wig.

“Who is going to be Larry? And now that Nic’s gone, there is like nobody who could be Zane,” Arthur says. “...Except jolly ol’ elf over here.”

“Nope... I’m not gonna play your dumb games, Arthur...” Trey says quietly.

“All righty then. But, if you are not Zane, then I have to be somebody. And I highly doubt there is anyone in the band who is morbidly obeeeese, because that would not be appealing to teenaged girls,” Arthur says.

“Fine... I’ll be the guy... I don’t want to sing, though...” Trey groans.

The scene changes to the two teams, both in front of Roz at the amphitheater. All the Ralphcake boys except Arthur are dressed up as 1E members, and Arthur is nowhere to be seen. The Citrus Fruits are dressed up for their skit.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Roz comes walking in, with Chef and Smoothie Guy. “So, we’re gonna be the three judges. Who wants to go first? K, the Citrus Fruits can go first. GO!”

The curtain opens, and Nic is shown with a cape and a mask.

“I am Mr. Sexy Mucho,” he says valiantly. “Protector of beautiful women everywhere. Check out my rad moves.” He tries to fly, but his cape gets caught on one of the “buildings”. The entire room goes quiet. “Oh, no! I am stuck! Where is my sidekick?” He begins to sweat.

Alex walks out, wearing a blonde wig, a skin-tight jumpsuit, and some sort of circular fruit in his chest.

“Oh, look. It is my voluptuous Russian sidekick, Vladimira Rastalilenibachevin!” Nic says. “She will save the day!”

Alex, or Vladimira, jumps up and catches Nic. “Взорвать это ваша задница,” says Alex in Russian. “Now, vere is the villain? Ve must save zhe day.”

“HAW, HAW, HAW!” An evil cackling is heard. Suddenly, Layla runs out wearing Kavren’s banana suit, followed by Veronica, wearing a butler’s outfit with an apple on her head. “I’m gonna, like, kill you and stuff!”

“Oh no! Vladimira, use your powers to stun this wily crook!” Nic yells. Alex headbutts Layla in the chest, and she falls over.

“Aw, MAN!” yells Layla. “Now I gotta give up all this expensive jewelry I stole.”

Trick appears, driving in a fake police car that resembles one of the ones that little kids ride in in grocery stores.

“You’re under arrest!” He comes out and handcuffs Layla. “Thank you for saving the day, Mr. Sexy Mucho.”

Estrella’s voice is heard from up by the lights, saying, “I swear, I’m losing brain cells just from listening to this.”

The Citrus Fruits bow, and the curtain goes down behind them. “Nice job... I guess. Ya guys were okay. Let’s just see if the Ralphcakes can top that. Probably, since they’ve been winning everything, but whatevs!” Roz says.

“Darn. I wanted to use the banana,” Kavren mutters, in his costume, behind the curtain. “Come on, Kav. We have to win. If not, I’ll kill you,” Julia says. “No pressure, though.”

Arthur walks out, and it is a disturbing sight. He’s wearing a button-down coral colored long sleeve shirt, but only a bra underneath, with a long brown wig and numerous necklaces and bracelets. “Greetings, loved ones,” he says. “Tonight’s skit is known as One Rejection. Come on out!”

Chrissy’s mouth gapes open. “What.”

Sure enough, Puck walks out wearing a blonde wig and a blue hoodie, followed by Trey in a blue polo with his hair spiked up, Kavren in a green sweatshirt, Gary in a jean jacket with a white shirt underneath, and an extremely livid Wolfgang, who has a giant brown poofy wig and a green polo shirt.

“Gary?! You’re supposed ta be cleanin’ the kitchens!” says Roz.

“Oh, uh, sorry, Roz. These guys are sweet! Arthur let me be in the skit, and now his awesomeness level is... very high!” Gary says happily. “I missed him from Tiki Jungle.”

“Shut up!” Chelsey whispers from behind the curtain. “Just... start.”

Mackenzie, Flora, and Julia (who looks like she is about to kill somebody) are shown playing the instruments.

Kavren starts to sing. “You’re insecure... Dunno what for. You turn them heads when you walk through the do-o-ooor. Don’t need make-up to cover up. Bein’ the way that you are is eno-o-ough.”

Trey sings. “I don’t know why... You’re being... All right, sorry, I can’t do this.”

Julia comes out with a Zane wig. “EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM CAN SEE IT, EVERYONE ELSE BUT YO-U-U-UUU!”

“Baby, you light up the world like my banana suit! When I see you with a dude, I say oh shoot! And I always try to hold in my toooots, around you-u-uuu! That’s what makes you beautiful!” sings One Rejection.

“If only you saw how hot he was, maybe you would actually start likin’ my cuz!” Kavren sings in front of Roz.

Arthur bursts out in front of everybody, wearing an orca costume, while Gary is tied to his back wearing a yellow polo shirt and jeans, and screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Mas o melhor é quando vamos pra Baleia,” he sings. “Eu so-o-oooo! Eu sou o Nissim Ourfali!”

“Ugh, what are you guys doing?” Julia hisses during the instrumental break. “Arthur, get out!”

Arthur leaves as the second verse starts. He drops Gary, and Gary falls onto Smoothie Guy’s lap. Smoothie Guy dumps the coffee he was drinking on Gary’s head.

“So c-come on, these lyrics are wrong. To prove I’m right, I’ll kick Puck in the shlo-o-ong!” Wolfgang grunts, and kicks Puck in the unmentionables, while Puck keels over.

“I don’t know why you’re being shy,” sings Kavren. “Because I really enjoy looking at your... eyes.”

“Everyone else in the room is fa--” Arthur begins. Roz takes an aspirin, and then yells, “STOP!”

The music stops. “Ugh, Roz, what is it now?” Helga mutters.

“I think I’ve seen enough. That was really...” says Roz suspensefully. Everyone begins to grin. “Horrible. You think you guys did awesome? Noooopeeee. The Citrus Fruits finally win the challenge!”

“Good job, my beautiful,” says Nic happily, as he hugs Alex and kisses him on the cheek. “Uh...” Alex says.

“But seriously, you guys expected to have a huge come-from-behind victory or somethin’? Nope. That was like torture to my ears. Banana thing back in TDRev was at least kinda funny. You’re going to elimination, so see ya,” Roz says, and she leaves.

“Wait, don’t we get opinions?” snaps Smoothie Guy. “I thought it was high-larious.”

“Naw, it was pretty terrible,” grunts Chef. “An’ I’ve seen some horrible, horrible things.”

“Like my foot fungus?” pipes up Arthur. “LEAVE,” Roz yells.

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown opening the door to their cabin. Layla emerges in the doorway. “What are you doing here?” Elena says rudely.

“Uh, hel-lloooo? This is our cabin now. And unless you want to find some sort of way to get me a jetpack, I advise you guys to sleep on the grass. VERONICAAAAAA!” she yells.

“Coming!” says a voice from inside the house.

“Ugh. I guess grass is better for tanning,” Chelsey says. “But what am I going to do without Snooki and K-Woww? This is going to be awful. My fingernails are getting too long, too... They can only be three centimeters tops, and this one is three point one. There are no nail clippers here. Oh, my life sucks.”

“What? Long? Ha, you’re so dumb. Long fingernails are the way to go,” says Elena, holding up her fingers with her nails which resemble talons.

“Are you a human, or some sort of half-bird hybrid?” MacKenzie says, confused.

MacKenzie says in the confessional, “I really don’t know why the girls on my team, mostly Chelsey, Elena, and Julia, are obsessed with such little things. Chelsey LOVES some dumb app on her uPhone, and also that dumb Nebraska Shore show. Elena and Chelsey both are obsessed with fashion. And Julia... do I even have to explain? Sigh. I just wish they could be more well-balanced girls.”

Arthur is playing jacks in the grass with Kavren. Julia stomps over to them and sits down. “Hello,” says Arthur. “I thought you despised me.”

“Look, BUDDY,” Julia says. “You know I’m pissed about the bullcrap you pulled earlier. And honestly, I wanna kick you in the @#$%ing unmentionables. But you know what? Elena is unbearable. It’s like how she was in Tiki Jungle, but like fifty million times worse. We have to get her out, now.”

“Elena? Really? I enjoy staring at her obviously fake... tan. It provides me with amusement,” Arthur explains.

“Hehe, yeah, Julia, she’s pretty bloopy and ugly and annoying and all that chazz. We gotta get her out, I agree,” explains Kavren. “Helg, you on board?”

“Nope,” says Helga, reading a book called “Professor What: The Movie: The Junior Novelization”.

“HELGA!” snaps Julia. “I thought you were on board. If not, I’m gonna have to--”

“All right, fine,” Helga says. “She’s a nuisance, but it’s not like she has a big enough brain to actually strategize and take one of us out. Oh, god, speaking of not strategizing, here comes...”

“Hey, fellers!” Puck comes trotting over to the group. “Strategy talk? Cool beans! I’ve got some ideas. We gotta boot Chelsey.”

“Nope,” say Arthur and Kavren simultaneously.

“Hmm. Fine. Wolfie wants to get you out, Arthur. He says you’re an annoying moron, and then he said some not-nice things that I don’t wanna repeat,” explains Puck.

“Hmph. I am not afraid of that dude,” says Arthur. “He smells like my cat’s barf.”

“Hey, he’s more cultured than you,” mutters Helga, still reading. “At least he doesn’t talk about his loose peanuts 24/7.”

“Actually, not really 24/7. He talks about how morbidly obeeeese he is sometimes,” giggles Kavren.

“But really, whatcha guys thinkin’ for strategy and whatnot?” Puck asks curiously. “I wanna know!”

“Well, too bad, we’re not gonna tell you,” scoffs Julia.

“Julia, are you an idiot? We want him on our side. It’s numbers. He’s annoying, but effective,” Helga whispers.

Kavren says in the confessional, “...Weird. Helga has gone from rude snarky bookaholic to rude snarky bookaholic gamebot. Huh.”

There is a rustling in the bushes. Trey’s head peeks out from behind one of them, and once the others see him, he sprints into the woods.

“Hey, what’s that arsehat doing?!” Julia yells.

The rest of the team, which includes Flora, MacKenzie, Chelsey, Elena, and Wolfgang, are sitting behind the house, on stumps. “Did you get any info?” MacKenzie says.

“Yep. They’re gonna blindside Elena...” Trey says. “Well, it’s not necessarily a blindside now...”

“WHAT?!” Elena looks extremely shocked. “Those idiots. OK, we have the majority, so I think we--”

“Not necessarily,” mutters Wolfgang. “I don’t have an alliance. I vote with the wind.”

Wolfgang says in the confessional, “All right, so I fully support doing everything I can to get ahead in this freakin’ game, but it’s hard when you’re the swing vote. I don’t like being the swing vote. I’ve only voted ONCE. ONE FREAKING TI--” The confessional turns to static.

“Trey, did you pick up anything about me? Am I safe?” Chelsey asks curiously.

“Yeah... Arthur and his perverted friend think you’re too hot to eliminate, or something...” sighs Trey. “I wish people thought I was hot...”

“You were hot, until you turned pale as my skin when it doesn’t have a beautiful tan,” Elena says. “But seriously, I’m angry. What are we gonna do? Who are we gonna vote?”

“Okay, this is gonna sound really mean, and I’m sorry,” Flora says in a small voice. “What if... we eliminated... Kavren or Arthur? Don’t kill me!” she shrieks.

“Kavren and Arthur? We hate those two. Why would we kill you?” Chelsey says.

“Yeah, they’re really unbearable...” explains MacKenzie. “If we got one of them out, Julia wouldn’t be so angry and she might be easier to talk to.”

“Kavren or Arthur... That’s a good idea, guys...” says Trey.

Trey says in the confessional, “YES! It worked! I’m finally starting to get into this game more... But what if people don’t like me and are just pretending...”

“Sorry, guys. I just really don’t like being mean. I’m a nice person,” says Flora, upset.

“Flora, your clothes may be tacky, but yeah, you are nice. The thing is, this game is more than just who’s nice and who’s not,” Chelsey says. “We have to do the most strategic choice.”

“Dang, you guys are super boring,” harrumphs Wolfgang. “I’m going to go get some iced tea. You’ll find out if I’m really on your side later. Spoiler alert: I vote with the wind.”

“You literally just said that,” says Elena obnoxiously.

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown inside the house, eavesdropping on the other team’s conversation.

“Yes, yes, they are good villains, indeed. But nobody is a match for the amazing Nic-e-jandro and his buff ab belly. Abby and I are an unstoppable force,” Nic says evilly.

“Yeah, if by unstoppable you mean you never stop runnin’ your mouth,” Layla complains. “Veronica, get me some du-ree-tos.” Veronica runs to the kitchen.

Roz is shown with the Hopalong Ralphcakes at the elimination ceremony. “Hey, guys!” she says. “Soooo, it’s your first time here. I guess I gotta give the whole elimination rant, huh? Kay-kay. If you receive a seashell, you're safe. If you don't, you're voted out, and you gotta walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers to get outta here. That’s about it. First seashell of the night goes to Chelsey.” Chelsey catches her seashell.

“Julia, Flora, MacKenzie, Trey, and Helga, ya guys are safe too,” says Roz. Trey’s seashell gets caught in his hair. Kavren laughs a noodle out of his nose.

“Brm-hrm-hrm,” he chuckles.

“Puck and Wolfie, you guys are safe,” says Roz. The two catch their seashells. “Aaaand... Arthur.” Arthur laughs.

“Bottom two. Elena an’ Kavren. This is pretty weird, guys. Final seashell goes to...”

“Kavren. Just kiddin’. Elena, here you go.”

“Wut?” Kavren says. “I’m... I’m at a loss for words, my noodly friends. Ah, well. All good stuff has gotta come to an end, right?”

“No, not really,” Helga says. “For instance, books being published.”

“Helga, there’s no point for that chaz,” Kavren says. “Wow, it feels kinda weird. You guys got out the closest to a fan favorite that there is in this continuity. I’ve never been voted out before. It’s just...”

“Kavren, leave. I’m getting tired. We’re all gettin’ tired,” Roz says.

“All righty then,” says Kavren. “Art, do it. You got second last time, you can win this time.” He waves at the guys, and walks to the Boat of Losers. As the boat pulls up, his banana suit is shown resting on the side. “Woot!” He puts on the banana suit, and the boat drives into the sunset.

Chapter 7 - Sandbag Scuffle
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown...” begins Roz. “The contestants were forced to take a skit! Aren’t those challenges always super unfunny? For me, they were. Hehe. Anyway, the Citrus Fruits actually did a pretty good job, they made some weird superhero skit featuring Nic as the main character. Sure, he can’t act, but it was better than the monstrosity that the Ralphcakes made! Srsly, that thing was soooo bad. Whatever. After the Ralphcakes lost, two alliances kind of started to form. Arthur’s alliance, with Puck, Kavren, and surprisingly Julia! Thought she hated his guts. There was also Elena and Trey’s alliance, with the boring chicks and Chelsey. Wolfgang was in the middle of it all, but stuck with Elena and voted out Kavren! Boo-hoo. Who cares? Meh, so I guess see what happens today on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

The Ralphcakes are shown walking from the elimination ceremony back to their camps.

“Congrats, guys. You’ve successfully made Arthur speechless,” Helga says dryly. “Maybe we can all finally sleep tonight.” Helga looks at Arthur, whose mouth is slightly hanging open.

“Heh. Whatever,” Wolfgang says. “I’m warning you guys, don’t think I’m in your alliance for good. I don’t like anyone on this team.”

“Except for me!” says Puck giddily. “Right, bro? Right? Right? Right? Ri--”

“NO!” yells Wolfgang. He chucks a blade of grass at Puck, and it brushes up onto his shoulder. “Ouch!” whines Puck.

“Okay. I really have to say, I’m proud of you girls,” says Chelsey, who’s with Flora and MacKenzie by their tent. “But remember, Elena is NOT an ally. She’s a rude jerk. We just have her for numbers, and if you guys wanna dump her, we can.”

Julia is shown in the confessional. “All this alliance crap is making me woozy. I have no idea what strategy is even like, at all. Like, seriously, alliance? I wish Elena’s head could get ripped off by lions. Arthur too.”

Trey is sitting by the campfire, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Suddenly, there is a noise behind him. “AUNT JEMIMA’S TURKEY STEW!” yells Arthur, grabbing Trey’s shoulders.

“What the clump?!” Trey yells. “Leave me alone, Arthur...” Trey walks over to Elena. “Sorry... He’s taking the oasis... out of me...” he says to her.

“What’s with people saying that all of a sudden? Is it the new ‘fetch’? Please, no,” mutters Helga from the corner. “It’s bad enough having to be around her.” She points to Elena.

“Hi, Trey. Wanna hang out with me instead?” Elena blushes. “I figured. Okay, I have this game I like to play, it’s called ‘Who’s A Fugly Try-Hard?’. Basically, you flip through my 2,847 HeadNovel friends and see who’s fugly and who’s a try-hard! Wanna start?” explains Elena.

“Oh, this sounds fun...” Trey says quietly. “Okay, I’ll go... Who’s this Wesley guy... He looks like my cousin... She’s female..”

“...What?! No. Just no. That’s the guy I went to prom with last year. Ugh, Trey, you’re soooo offensive!” Elena storms off in a huff.

“See how unbearable she is?” Chelsey whispers to Flora and MacKenzie. “Like, Elena reminds me of this one chick at my school. Let’s just call her... Smellena. Smellena always walks around like she’s so cool. And she went to this really hot senior’s house and made out with him, and now she thinks she is ALL THAT. Like, seriously, gurl, your clothes are tacky. If I could award negative PP, it would be to her.”

“Uh... That’s interesting?” says MacKenzie uncomfortably.

“Chelsey. I was wondering. I want an honest opinion. Am I any less boring than I was last time? I’ve been trying reeeeally hard,” Flora pleads.

“Hmm. Yeah, about that. I need to... do something. I’ll be back in approximately three hours,” says Chelsey, and she walks into the house.

Trey is shown in the confessional. “You know... Is it bad that I have feelings for Elena still... I mean, no, I don’t like anyone... But I’m really sad that she had to break up with me... We can still rock an alliance together, though, but it’s not the same...”

Puck is listening to his uPod and singing along obnoxiously. “Power and control... I’m gonna maaaaake you...”

“Crash into a pit of flames so your car blows up and a bunch of snakes come out of nowhere and then it starts raining tacos and the Grim Reaper comes out and cuts your head off with his scythe,” Wolfgang finishes the chorus.

“Wow, dude, you’ve got so much musical talent! I swear, you could be the next Oceania and the Pearls!” Puck claps.

“Except for the fact that I am a guy, and I don’t have a ‘wow, cool’ accent, and I DON’T LIKE SINGING AT ALL!” yells Wolfgang.

“Aww. Well, you know what they always say... Practice makes perfect!” Puck pats Wolfgang on the back.

The scene moves to Helga and Julia, who are sitting in the grass. “So, uh, Helga. I’m doing a survey. What do you think about Nile’s new haircut? He shaved off 0.0001 centimeters of hair!” Julia says excitedly.

“You know, I really couldn’t care less about anything you’re saying right now,” Helga says frankly. “Can’t we just enjoy that Arthur is bothering others and not us?”

Helga and Julia look at Trey, who’s walking to the bathroom and Arthur, who’s behind him mimicking him crudely.

“Yeah. Ugh, I hate that dude. You know, I have a friend who looks JUST LIKE Arthur, but he’s my best friend. He only hangs out with chicks, though. But sometimes I mistake him for Arthur and kick him in the unmentionables. Should I stop?” Julia asks Helga.

“I-- I don’t really know how to respond to that,” Helga says. She goes back to reading her book, Behind The Magic Of The Wizarding Planet of Mary Lotter.

“Gee, you’re helpful,” Julia grunts. “I’ll update my status on Tweeter. Helga... is... a... stupid...”

“Here, let me see this,” Helga grabs Julia’s uPhone away from her. She clicks on something, and hands the phone back to Julia. The lock screen is of a semi-nude Arthur. She then presses tons of buttons, and makes it so that Julia’s uPhone is disabled for two hours.

“I’m going to go get some Warm-Aid,” Helga says dryly, and walks into the Citrus Fruits’ house.

The Citrus Fruits are doing strange things, similar to the Ralphcakes. Helga gets some Warm-Aid and leaves, and the camera moves to Chrissy, who’s watching TV.

“Vas happenin’?” Nic appears from behind the couch, and Chrissy jumps.

“Look, Nic, I’m not interested,” says Chrissy gruffly, feeling around in her pants pocket for her pocketknife.

“No, uh, Chrissy. I do not wish to attract you or anything. I’m simply wondering... uh... Do you like hair gel on guys?” Nic says.

“Nah, not really,” says Chrissy. “I like beanies. They look attractive on dudes. And lumberjack shirts, man, those are pretty nic-- wait, why am I telling you this stuff?!”

“No, no, no. Go on,” Nic says, and seems to be jotting down notes in a notepad.

“Seriously, Nic. I don’t like you. You’re weird, you were annoying back in Tiki Jungle, and I feel like you just became fit and athletic and whatever to attract me. It’s not working. We can be... uh, acquaintances, but you’re not my type, seriously,” says Chrissy.

“Well, is there anything I can do to... uh, BECOME your type?” winks Nic.

“Nic. Can you... seriously, can you go bother the other girls on this team? I’m trying to watch Home Finders,” Chrissy says, motioning for him to go away.

“Ew, you like house improvement shows?” Nic says. “I am disappointed. Yes, I shall go away and go bother the others. Thank you for the advice, Chrissy. I appreciate it.” He kisses his biceps.

“Oh, and also, can you please stop doing that Abby thing? Around me and everyone else. It kinda pisses me off. So, uh, yeah. Get away now,” Chrissy grunts.

Nic pulls up his shirt and starts moving his belly. He says in a falsetto voice, “Oh, but Chrissy! I love you so! You’re so pretty and your lips are so luscious, and--” Chrissy throws the TV remote at Abby.

Layla struts into the room, looking angry. She stubs her toe on one of the cabinets and cries out loudly, then collapses onto the couch, on top of Alex.

“Uh... do you mind?” says Alex groggily. “I was tryin’ to sleep. And... yeah, I can’t achieve that with you on top of me. You smell like my grandmother’s closet.”

“Ugh, Alex, I don’t want to hear it. VERONICAAAAA!” yells Layla. “Come get me some ice!”

“Layla, it’s like midnight. Don’t you think she’s probably asleep? I would be asleep, if... uh, this wasn’t going on right now,” explains Alex softly.

“Alex, shut up, I’m sick and tired of your complaining. The one thing I hate is people who complain constantly. They need to be independent!” Layla groans.

“I’m... Layla, I don’t know anymore,” says Alex. “I’m gonna go upstairs.” And, he does.

Veronica rushes into the room. “Layla, what do you want now?”

“Veronica! You’re like a minute late. My foot isn’t even hurting anymore! Ugh, just... leave. You make me sick,” whines Layla.

Veronica says in the confessional, “You know, maybe I should start trying to get to know the other people on my team, rather than hanging out with Layla 24/7...”

Veronica goes upstairs, where the door to the bedroom is locked. She knocks on it, and it swings open, but there seems to be nobody in there and it’s pitch-black.

“Uh, anyone in here?” Veronica says. Spooky music starts playing. Suddenly, the lights turn on, and Estrella is revealed to be sitting in the corner and playing a theremin.

“...And to think that I was just trying to get my beauty sleep. Anyway, hi, Veronica. What do you want,” Estrella says.

“Oh, just trying to socialize, if that’s fine with you!” says Veronica cheerfully. “Like, what do you think about the people on our team?”

“I hate them,” Estrella says bluntly. “Wow, well, that’s kinda... direct,” Veronica says. “Do you hate me?”

“Yes,” says Estrella. “Slightly less than the others, but don’t mistake that as friendship. Although, I am kind of peeved that you had to come in right as I was finishing Death Fairies 2: The Fairies Come To Life (Just Kidding)."

“Oh, well, I can leave you alone, if you want!” Veronica says. “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it!”

“Well, there’s a spider up there that’s being timid,” says Estrella mysteriously, pointing to something at the top of her curtains. “Go get it and give it to me.”

Veronica climbs onto the bed and tries to reach at the curtains, but falls backward and pulls the entire curtains backwards, making them collapse on top of her. Behind the curtains, Nic is lurking, wearing nothing but his boxers. He grins and points to Abby.

“NIC?!” Estrella shouts. “What are you doing. Get out.” Nic shrieks, and runs out of the room.

“...You, too,” says Estrella. She points to the door, and Veronica leaves.

Trick is waiting for Veronica as she exits. “Hi, Veronica,” says Trick. “Uh, don’t you have a girlfriend?” Veronica says warily.

“...I guess saying hi implies romantic interest now?” Trick says. “Never mind. I’ll be at the challenge.”

Trick says in the confessional, “You know, Veronica may not be the smartest bulb. But I need her vote if I want to get to the end. Alex and I are two against like five, and he might not even be with me for sure... I just miss Cammy, man. If she was here, I’d be set.”

Roz is shown on the beach, with what looks like a giant field with multicolored lines. She blows on a horn, and yells “CHALLENGE TIIIIIIME!”

The Ralphcakes and Citrus Fruits make their way from the house to the beach.

“My expert sleuthing skills have deduced that this challenge will produce many hormone-crazed, sweaty teenagers,” Arthur says, on the way to the beach.

Julia punches him in the arm. “Oh, and that wasn’t a playful punch,” she mutters. “Just letting you know.”

“Ew. Julia. Physical violence is SO 2000’s. Girls who are too assertive will not become popular, I’m telling you,” Chelsey says.

“Well, good for you, ‘cuz physical violence is making a comeback!” Roz chirps, when the teams get there. Julia jumps up and down happily. “Today’s challenge is easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. See this big sandy thing in front of me?”

“Nope. I completely missed it,” says Helga dryly.

“KK. Fine. Whatever, Helga. Completely interrupt me, and-- Never mind. Sooo, where was I? Okay. There’s bags of whatever hidden in the sand over there. One at a time, two people from each team will go and try to get the bags from underneath the sand and stuff. You can tackle, punch, kick, whatever. Just no doing the nasty. First team to get three bags to the finish line wins the challenge! Ralphies, since you have way too many people, 3 peeps have to sit out,” explains Roz. “Two girls and one dude.”

Trey and Helga quickly get up and sit next to Roz. “Any more victims?” says Helga rudely.

Elena shrugs, and sits down next to the other two. “You know, I just had a self-manicure, and I do NOT wanna get these nails dirty.”

Chelsey picks up a ball of sand. “Don’t you DARE,” Elena squeals.

Nic rips his shirt off, on the Citrus Fruits’ side. Arthur stares at him, and starts to take his shirt off, until Chelsey waves her finger in his face.

“First up!” yells Roz. “We’ve got Wolfgang and Puck going against Trick ‘n’ Alex. Ready... GO!”

Puck, Trick, and Wolfgang sprint towards the flag, and begin to frantically dig, while Alex casually walks behind them.

“C’mon, Wolfie! If we win, you can take a sniff of my new Pineapple Breeze deodorant! My mom says it smells like the men’s locker room! That’s a good thing, right?” Puck says enthusiastically.

Wolfgang makes a gun motion with his hand and points it at his head. He kicks Alex in the groin, and Alex yelps.

Trick finally uncovers the bag, and starts to sprint to the team, but Wolfgang tackles him and he falls onto the ground.

Puck jumps in front of Trick and starts to twerk. “Yeah! We’re winnin’, guys! This is my celebratory tw--” Trick grabs his leg and he collapses to the ground.

“PUCK, DON’T EVEN TH--” Wolfgang begins to berate Puck, but is pinned to the ground by Trick.

As Puck, Wolfgang, and Trick are brawling, Alex calmly walks by, grabs the bag, and returns to his mat.

“The Citrus Fruits win the first point!” yells Roz, blowing a whistle.

“Whistle, baby, whistle, baby,” sings Nic. Chrissy glares at him.

“All righty, next up we have Chelsey and Flora for the Ralphcakes, versus Layla and Veronica for the Citrus Fruits!” Roz says.

Layla makes a loud, obnoxious noise that sounds like a dying whale, and reluctantly gets up.

“Ugh, Veronica. My bones are all brittle ‘n’ weak. Help me do some str--” begins Layla, until she’s interrupted.

Veronica points to Chelsey and Flora, who are already digging up the bag. “Come on, Layla!”

She starts to sprint to Chelsey and Flora, and starts fighting for the bag, while Layla continues to lay there in the sand.

Flora picks up the bag and starts sprinting, but trips over Layla, who’s still lying down. Veronica catches the bag in midair and returns to the Citrus Fruits’ mat.

“Aww, well, I tried, guys,” Flora says, upset.

“Don’t worry. It’s not like you’re gonna become popular or anything,” scoffs Elena. Chelsey slaps her head.

Chelsey says in the confessional, “I’m this close to starting to sabotage Elena. Or, maybe I could just vote out Flora and MacKenzie so I don’t have to hear Elena’s crap anymore... It could happen. And then watch, I’d TOTALLY rise in all the popularity polls online. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Citrus Fruits score another point!” yells Roz, jumping up and down. “You guys have two, only one more point until you can win the challenge!”

Arthur rips off his shirt. “It is time to get funky,” he says, but then looks at his watch. “...Or not. Well, I’m excited for this, since I can study the natural scent of teenagers... It differs depending on how many hormones you have.”

“Arthur. Can you really not control that? I don’t think it’s the best time for this!” MacKenzie says.

“Be quiet, MacKenzie! Is it A-cup angst again?” Arthur waggles a finger. “Do not worry, your time will come.”

“Uh, okay,” Roz announces. “Next group going! This could decide it. For the Ralphcakes, Arthur and Julia will go, while for the Citrus Fruits, Chrissy and Nic.”

“...Wow, this was the final four of Tiki Jungle,” says Chrissy. “Interesting coincidence, I guess.”

“Nobody cares! Oh, that wasn’t Arthur. Just kidding Chrissy, ILY,” says Julia.

“Chrissy, I hope this challenge proves to you that I am a nice and funny guy,” Nic says, kissing his biceps. “I can even tie my hair into a knot with my legs, unlike how I used to not be able to. Want to see?!”

“No, uh, I actually really don’t,” says Chrissy. “Cause there’s something called a challenge going on, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it.”

“GO!” yells Roz. Julia and the others sprint, while Arthur attempts to run but looks like he’s about to have a heart attack.

“Look at me!” says Arthur, while panting heavily. “I’m runnin’!”

“Arthur, you fat lump of SNOT!” yells Julia. “GET MOVING!”

Arthur says in the confessional, with the red Puber T underpants on his head, “Running is a nice form of coping with depression. That would be helpful... if I had depression.”

“I think I’d have a heart attack, taaaaaaack,” sings Arthur, as he jogs to the flag, where everyone else is already digging.

Nic grabs the bag, but Julia jumps on top of him. “This is for existing!” she yells, and she takes the bag from his hands and sprints back to the team.

“And, with that, the Ralphcakes finally score a point! The Citrus Fruits could still win it, though,” Roz announces.

“I hope they do... I don’t want to be here, anymore...” Trey mutters.

“Quit your blabbering. Maybe if you behave, I can give you a new Bonjour Doggy figurine,” sniggers Arthur.

Roz yells on her megaphone again. “Next matchup! Once again, this could be the deciding point. Chelsey and Wolfgang versus Veronica and Trick!”

"Yeah, yeah, we're gonna win. Can I go take a nap now?" says Wolfgang.

Roz, ignoring Wolfgang, yells, "GO!"

Chelsey and Wolfgang sprint to the end, as do Veronica and Trick.

Trick begins digging in the sand but is quickly tackled by Wolfgang. As the two are fighting, Veronica tries to subtly dig in another area.

"Hey, I saw that!" Chelsey growls, and she sprints over to Veronica. The two girls start having a catfight.

Wolfgang now has Trick in a headlock. Veronica grabs the bag, and is tackled by Chelsey. Chelsey grabs the bag and sprints to the flag, and Veronica tries to grab onto her but ends up ripping her shirt off.

A topless Chelsey drops the bag off and gives Veronica two middle fingers.

"Ooooh," Nic drools from the other team. "Spicy. Yes, I like that."

"Ugh, make up your mind already," says Chrissy.

“All right. Now, I know I keep sayin’ this, but this is ACTUALLY gonna decide it. Both teams are tied! Who will win? Probably the Ralphcakes!” Roz says.

“Ew. No. We’re going to win, and if not, Veronica will do twice the laundry she already volunteered to do,” Layla says.

“Volunteered? I didn’t even--” Veronica says, but Layla holds up a twenty dollar bill, and she stops talking.

“For the final round... Estrella and Nic are going for the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits!” says Roz.

“Why,” Estrella says flatly. “Just... why.”

Nic is lathering New Spice body freshener all over his body. “Estrella, we haven’t interacted much, have we? That can change.” He winks. “Being a Latina, I know you enjoy my fiery Alejandro-like blood.”

“Nic, you are the whitest kid I’ve ever met,” Arthur says from the other side. “Rozzio, who’s going for the Ralphcakes? Me?”

“Nah, MacKenzie and Puck are going!” Roz says. “You guys ready? Go!”

“Man, let’s twerk!” Puck says. He begins to shake his bottom, but MacKenzie drags him to the flag.

“Uh, Puck, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but don’t we have better things to do right now?!” says MacKenzie quickly.

“Yeah! Like, I really gotta go, you know, I’ve been holding it in fo--” Puck says. “Not that!” MacKenzie says, as she starts digging.

“Ugh, Nic, your stench is just...” Estrella takes out a clothespin from her pocket and puts it on her nose. “That’s a lot better.”

Nic continues to dig, and splashes sand on his chest. “Do you like the sexy sand on my body? Aren’t I a male version of Katie Downton? Yes, I am, aren’t I?”

“Shut up!” Estrella says. She finally digs out the bag. “You know, Roz, these bags are really easy to dig up, is it because the author hates wr--” Before she can finish, Puck tackles her.

Nic gets on top of Puck, grabs the bag, and sprints back to the base.

“The Citrus Fruits! Win!” Roz screams, and Nic tries to hug Estrella, but she walks away and starts reading a book.

Arthur says in the confessional, “Am I upset that we lost? No, not necessarily. The thing is, I am not the type of person who even pays attention to strategy, but it’s me, Puck, Helga, and the contestant formerly known as Ginger, versus the rest of the team. We must have some sort of strategy if we want to make it out alive.”

Puck is shown twerking in the confessional. The door creaks open slowly, and a knife slowly moves closer to Puck’s butt. A scream is heard, and the hand disappears while the knife drops.

Trey is shown lying in the grass face-down. Elena walks up to him. “Listen, Trey, we need to do this. It’s almost time for elimination.”

Trey says nothing. “Uh, hello?” Elena kicks him in the head.

“What do you want, Elena...” says Trey quietly. “I’m not in the mood for strategy...”

“You’re not in the mood for ANYTHING,” Elena whines. “We have to do this, though, or else one of us will leave.”

The two look at Wolfgang, who’s sleeping on the ground. Puck walks up to him and opens his mouth. Wolfgang looks up at Puck, and breathes fire in his face. Puck quickly inches away.

“Wolfgang can’t be trusted..” says Trey. “We have to get the dude out... He says he votes with the wind, too, so that could be dangerous...”

“Shut up, Trey,” Elena says. “Everyone hates him. Even more than they hate me. He could get to the end and lose no matter what.”

“Girlfriend, this is not Survivor,” says Chelsey, suddenly appearing. “Nobody votes for the winner. Although, you’re way too dense to figure that out. I assume that--”

“Do you LIKE me or not?!” Elena shrieks.

“No. Of course not. Like you? Eww. Who would like you? You’re ugly, and orange. And your sense of fashion is totally disgusting. And some of your hairs aren’t the same length as the others. And... Well, yeah. I don’t like you, Elena,” Chelsey says.

“Wow, I NEVER figured that out,” Wolfgang says, stomping over. “Great job making it subtle, Chelsey.”

“Wolfgang, you’re so unpopular, it kind of makes me sad,” Chelsey says. “You might as well just show up to school naked from now on.”

“Well, that would require showing up to school in the first place...” thinks Wolfgang.

“But you know what? I could make you popular. And when you become popular, you’ll thank me. A lot. Wolfie, wait for it, we’re gonna be golden,” Chelsey says dreamily.

“EWW!” yells Wolfgang. “I’d rather drown myself in Puck’s cold tub.”

MacKenzie and Flora suddenly walk up to the girls. “Hey, guys, what’s the plan?” MacKenzie says cheerfully.

“Jump in the fire!” Elena says obnoxiously.

“Uh, no thanks...” says MacKenzie. “I don’t really think that’s the greatest idea. Flora wants Arthur to get out. Is that fine with you guys?”

“The issue about Arthur... He’s a fly who you cannot get rid of. Ever. We’re gonna keep trying to get him out, and he will never leave. I watched Tiki Jungle. Veeeery closely.” Chelsey narrows her eyes.

“Okay, well, we have to take them by surprise, and vote out Puck or something!” says Flora sweetly. “Is that bad?”

“...Flora, you go, girl! I like it. Let’s do it,” says Chelsey.

Arthur, Julia, and Puck are playing a video game inside the dorm, while Helga is lying in the corner reading.

“Man, Arthur, is it just me, or do these scantily clad women in this VG make you feel funny?” Puck says.

“Tsk, tsk. Casey would not be impressed,” says Arthur. “But I agree. I’d like Infinity Suit Spamus to tighten my peanuts any time.”

Layla stomps up to the Ralphcakes in the dorm. “What are you doing here? This is OUR cabin. VERONICAAAA!”

“Didn’t this happen last night?” mutters Helga. “Find something different to shriek about. Ugh.”

Veronica comes downstairs, and mouths “sorry” to Helga, but pushes the Ralphcakes out the door.

She then looks at the TV, which is paused on a shot of Spamus. “Oh... uh... what is this?”

“I don’t know. Turn it off. Doc said once that if I stretch my fingers more than two inches, I’ll get diabetes,” groans Layla. Veronica stares at her.

“Anyway, uh, what shall we do?” Arthur says, right as they get kicked out of the house. “Just vote for one of the borewhores? If we do anything else, bad things will happen.”

“Sure,” Julia says. “As long as I don’t have to hear you yammerin’ all night.”

Trey says in the confessional, “The thing about big moves is... They make others pissed... I should know, man... I don’t know who to vote...”

Chelsey says in the confessional, “Okay. This is not going to work. But I’m voting for Elena. I don’t want to waste time by ranting about her for the fiftieth time, but... Yeah. The girl needs to get out. Now.”

Elena says in the confessional, while doing her makeup, “MacKenzie’s hair looks like a rat’s nest. She’s gone.”

While walking to the elimination ceremony, Elena talks to Trey. “Look. I don’t trust you. You’re not like your... I don’t know, your usual depressing self. Do you still have some game left?”

“No...” says Trey. “I have lice, though... Got them one night while sleeping in the jungle... They still itch...”

Roz is shown at the elimination ceremony. “All right, this could be a really anti-climactic vote, or it could possibly be full o’ juicy bits.”

“Heh heh. Juicy bits,” giggles Puck immaturely.

“First seashell goes to Flora!” says Roz. Flora catches her seashell.

“Julia, Wolfie, Chelsey, Arthur, and Puck are also safe!” says Roz.

The six get their seashells. Arthur looks at Julia, and Julia grins evilly.

“Aaaand... Sadly, Elena,” says Roz.

“You guys just can’t get enough of me, huh?” Elena flips her hair, and the seashell hits her in the face.

“Helga, you’re safe!” says Roz.

Helga surprisingly breathes a sigh of relief, as she catches her seashell and it lands on her book.

“Final seashell, guys. MacKenzie and Trey. It goes to...”

“Trey.” Trey sighs.

“Well.” MacKenzie stands up. “I know I’m not the most interesting person, but I want you guys to think on what you did, and why that may have not been a great idea. You see, I came on Revolution to be happy, because I had dealt with a horrible incident. It didn’t work out, and I was out super early. History repeated, it looks like. But I am glad that some people here seem to respect me. Just... Think about your actions, guys. They might come back to bite you. Adios.” MacKenzie walks to the Boat of Losers, gets in, and drifts off.

“Cheesy final words moment. Whooo-hoooooo...” says Wolfgang groggily, but he falls asleep.

“Can’t wait to talk to the editors and make her invisible so it’s super juicy and shocking!” Roz says. “I mean, uh... Tune in next time for more drama and ‘comedy’ on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

Chapter 8 - The Generic Fishing Chapter
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, the Ralphcakes and the Citrus Fruits competed in a challenge full of sandy fun! Lots of weirdo stuff happened, such as Chelsey going shirtless, which I’m pretty sure increased our number of viewers by about 100,000. The challenge took forever and was kinda boring, but in the end, the Citrus Fruits won for the second time in a row! Maybe the Ralphcakes are going easy on the poor guys. Whatever, when the Ralphcakes went to elimination, strategy was tossed to the side so they could eliminate MacKenzie who was apparently boring. Today, I don’t have anything planned, so let’s just see what happens! Hehe. Should be fun. Tune in for more dramatic crap on Total Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

The Ralphcakes are shown arriving at camp after elimination. “I am going to bed, because too much drama gives me hives,” Chelsey says. “And I don’t want to wreck my really smooth skin. Nope.”

Wolfgang sighs, and slumps onto the ground. “Wait! Wolfgang! Come here, we need to have a little chat. It’s about, you know, popularity,” says Chelsey, walking up to him.

“Get away from me,” growls Wolfgang. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“Come on. Yesterday, I told you I needed to make you into a better person. This is gonna make your dream a reality,” says Chelsey. “So, the first thing you need to do is go and find a nice beach, and lie out in the sun for approximately twelve hours...”

“Why are you doing this?!” Wolfgang’s eyes turn wide. “Do you LIKE me? Or is this just some elaborate jazz to make me even more universally despised?”

“To be completely honest, I’m just using you for a vote. But if you’re acting like this the whole time, I won’t want to be around you. So, this’ll make you more likable,” Chelsey says sweetly.

“Wow, Wolfie is really getting it in with those ladies, huh?” says Puck to Flora. “Hey, you’re pretty funny too. What do you think about...”

“Puck, I’m confused,” says Flora worriedly. “Don’t you have other things to worry about?”

“Yeah, y’know...” says Puck. “Casey’s cold, man. Colder than my cubes. I like to keep my options open, too.”

Flora says in the confessional, “I’m kinda confused. First of all, the snobby ones like Elena keep calling me boring, and now Puck is hitting on me? I mean, I should be used to being called boring, but what’s there to hit on if I’m just that...”

“Hey, uh, Helga,” says Julia gruffly. “Tell me somethin’.”

“Hmm, well, it depends,” Helga says, barely looking up from her book. “Does it involve killing people? I’m really getting tired of that.”

“No. Whaddya think about betraying Arthur and getting his fat ol’ butt cheeks out of here next?” Julia says.

“Whoa, look out, we’ve got a faux-strategist over here,” says Helga dryly. “But that’s not a good idea. Don’t let your animosity toward him get to you. Plus, considering the other people on the team, I’d almost say he’s one of the better ones.”

“Hey, guys, does this thing make me look fat?” Elena walks up to the two, wearing a gigantic teapot costume. “Chelsey told me it was the newest style. Ugh, I don’t believe that peasant.”

“Elena... It doesn’t make you look fat... It makes you look really pretty...” says a small voice from the ground.

“SHUT UP!” yells Elena. “I’d rather make out with a dead rat.”

“Gee, you’ve got some great taste,” says Helga rudely. Elena shoots a mean look at her.

There is a rustling in the tree next to them. The contestants look up and see Arthur climbing up the tree, but seeming to be stuck.

“What are you doing now?!” screeches Julia. “You moron, you’re gonna get yourself ki-- actually, I wouldn’t mind that.”

“I am looking for apples to shoot at obnoxious persons’ heads,” Arthur says. “But I’m running into some difficulties.”

“Well, I’ll take my suitcase, and I’ll shoot it at YOUR head, and that’ll make you run into some difficulties living,” growls Julia.

“Haters are going to hate,” shrugs Arthur, and he drops from the tree, landing face-first on the ground.

The scene moves to Chelsey and Wolfgang, who are still talking to one another. “Why do you care about what kind of fragrance I use?!” says Wolfgang angrily. “How does it benefit you in any way, shape, or form?!”

“Wolfgang. Listen. You smell like roadkill. You need to get better with your hygiene,” Chelsey says.

“Dude, I’m angered,” Wolfgang mutters. “Just... stop talking to me.”

Chelsey says in the confessional, “I really don’t know what’s up with Wolfgang. The guy thinks I’m out to get him or something. Like, look at me. Do I really look threatening? I mean, I’d be worried if I was getting advice from Elena. But Elena is not me. And he really, really needs to figure that out, otherwise I’ll just boot the guy off.”

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are in the house, doing peculiar things, as usual.

Alex is shown walking to the bathroom. He opens the door, and a giant cloud of fog blasts him in the face. The fog clears, and he opens the shower door, revealing a showering Layla, who screams loudly.

“VERONICAAAA!” Layla calls for Veronica. There is a rustling, and Veronica falls through the ceiling, grabbing Alex and escorting him out the door.

Alex walks downstairs and crashes onto the couch, where Nic is watching TV.

“Whatcha doin’?” Alex says. “Is that that one show where the obese lonely men pretend to be hot women on social networks to lure teenagers? Dogfish, right?”

“Yes, yes,” Nic says, as he jots down notes in a pad of paper. “I am studying, for this is the only way to get a girlfriend.”

Alex yawns and stretches out. “Dude. What’s your problem? I feel like you were a lot less creepy back at the jungle. But, uh, I was voted out super early... so, take what I say with a grain of salt.”

“Hmm, Alex, the thing is...” Nic begins, then sighs. “I liked Elena back then, so I tried to act mucho macho. But now, I have realized Chrissy hates me, so I can act like the real me.”

“But, the real you doesn’t wanna be like Alejandro all the time. The real you is probably a nice, friendly dude,” Alex says.

“Nice and friendly? No! Do you really think Abby would like a nice, friendly lad? No, she likes daring men, and she will go away if I turn nice and friendly!” Nic says.

“Whatever. I’m gonna crash, anyway. Night...” Alex says. Right as he closes his eyes, Trick walks into the room.

“Yo. Guys. You and me. Alliances? You up for some strategy talk?” says Trick.

“Ugh, Trick. Dude, I need my beauty sleep. Yeah, yeah, I know about alliances. We gotta take out the threats. You hate women. Blah, blah,” Alex says.

“Yes, Trick, I don’t see your focus on taking out the females. They are very, very nice to look at,” purrs Nic.

“What the... Dudes, I never said ANYTHING about taking out girls. Quit putting words into my mouth. We’ve literally eliminated one girl, and that wasn’t even my fault,” says Trick, getting angry.

There is a long pause. Alex then says, “You’re a tool.”

Nic is shown in the confessional. “Yes, yes, Trick is mean, just like Cammy. But Alejandro did take the less likable competitor with him to the finals. And that’s why he won, am I right? As long as I can take Trick to the end, this game will be mine! Mwa-ha-ha-haaa!”

Estrella then opens the door. “Hey, there was an awful smell in here, I was just going to inves--” She looks at the plotting Nic. “Bye.” She then closes the door.

Estrella walks over to the couch, where Chrissy is on her laptop. “I’m getting really, really tired of these people,” says Estrella.

“Uh, hang on a second, I’m trying to reblog something...” Chrissy clicks on something, and then closes her laptop. “K. Done. What’s up?”

“The dudes. I really hate to go all Elena, but there’s something seriously wrong with them. They make Julian look tame,” says Estrella.

“Ew, Elena. That girl is pretty much unbearable,” says Chrissy. “She’s trying to be a hipster or something? No. Having a tumblr doesn’t make you a hipster. There’s a part of being a hipster that involves listening to quality music... And unless I’m mistaken, Big Dwayne and Head Nedd aren’t quality music.”

“Well, you do have a knife here, don’t you...” says Estrella. “But whatever. How’s Nic working out?”

“The kid won’t leave me alone,” says Chrissy. “I guess he still doesn’t get the nine million hints I’ve dropped that I don’t like him at all.”

“Shove sharp objects in his face,” Estrella says sweetly. “That’ll do the trick.”

“Believe me, you think that hasn’t crossed my mind at some point?” Chrissy says. “Whatever. I want to get rid of the guy.”

“You know, I don’t even really care who we get out next...” Estrella says. “I wouldn’t enjoy talking to any of these people in the real world, so there’s that.”

“Wait, aren’t you great friends with Cammy? I feel like you and Trick would have had to interacted at some point...” Chrissy states.

“No. Hate the guy. Cammy is totally unlike her usual self when she’s around him. You think they got better after Revolution ended? They didn’t. Cammy has only contacted me once in the past year, and it was to babysit her pet snake. It was NOT fun,” complains Estrella.

“Heh. I never was really a fan of her, even though she... yeah,” says Chrissy. “Whatever. So, uh, how’s life?”

“Life-y,” says Estrella. She then puts in her headphones and turns on extremely loud music, hinting she doesn’t want to talk anymore.

The scene changes to the challenge, where Roz meets the contestants in front of the lake. “Hey, guys! Whoooo likes fishing?”

“Eww, I hate fish. They’re all gross and stuff,” Elena says. “They’re, like, slimy. Like, bitch, I don’t want to touch your scales. Catch yourselves.”

“You’re in luck, Elena! Today’s challenge is fishing!” says Roz cheerfully. “Yeah, we got kinda tired of trying to come up with elaborate chazz. So, this one is simple - whoever can catch the most fish in like two hours or whatever wins!”

“‘Like two hours or whatever’? You don’t even give us a time limit?” says Helga.

“Hey. Girl. I don’t go around insulting your methods of doin’ stuff, do I?” Roz says. “Anyway, yeah. You can find boats and fishing poles somewhere. I also told the peeps in town that you’re doing stuff, so expect distractions. That’s all! Hehe. Bai!”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown walking to their fishing spot. “Ughh, I hate walking,” whines Elena.

“Grow wings and fly,” says Helga while reading. “And perhaps you’ll fly into the sun and get burnt into a crisp.”

“Oh. My. God. That was a great comeback,” Chelsey says, and looks at Helga. “Gurl, I like it.”

Arthur walks up to a dubious-looking box. “So, this is our materials, eh?” He opens it up, and tons of hooks and things fall out. “Check it out, Matt,” he says to Trey, while holding up a tiny rubber worm. “This is the size of your... nose.”

“I’m sick of it, Arthur...” Trey says quietly. “How would you feel if I just disappeared... You wouldn’t care, would you...”

“Actually, I would not really care. You know, I don’t act like ‘The Douche’ to you for no reason,” Arthur says.

“Guys, I know it’s a mind-blowing idea, but mind actually participating in the challenge?” says Helga.

“Since when were you the spokesperson for competing in challenges?!” snaps Julia. “You’re lazier than my great-aunt!”

Flora takes out one of the fishing rods and casts it into the water, while everyone is bickering. She feels a tug on her line, and the line yanks her to the side.

“Yeah. I mean, guys, listen. We want to win challenges, right? We’ve lost two people. In a row. They were both unpopular and kinda weird, but still. This is NOT good,” Chelsey says.

Chelsey and the other girls continue to argue, and while they argue, Flora’s line throws her into the ocean. It writhes back and forth through the waves, while she continues to hold onto it and swings around. There’s then a loud “sploosh” and she falls into the water, while her line floats away.

“Man, I love fishing! It’s part of my blood, man. I can even do it with my mouth! Check it,” says Puck. He takes off his shirt and pants, revealing a Speedo, and dives facefirst into the water.

“Heh. Guess he doesn’t remember that he can’t swim and almost drowned last season,” Wolfgang smirks.

“The moron likes to believe anything he can, it gives him greater self-esteem,” Helga says.

Chelsey is shown in the confessional. “This is not a good day. First of all, I wake up and hear Elena being Elena. She’s just yapping about random crap as usual, nothing new. Trey just sits there and tries to make us feel sorry for him, but I know he secretly wants to get in bed with Elena. Arthur’s an obese nuthole who never shuts up, and I lied, he won’t be popular no matter what, even if he lost a hundred pounds. The band Julia is obsessed with is aimed at preteen girls. Wolfgang is okay, I guess, but he rejects any of my attempts to get to know him. And Flora... Wait, she’s actually bearable. Hmm. I could do something with Flora.”

Flora, who looks like she’s trying hard to not get angry, emerges from the water soaking wet and without a fishing pole.

“H-h-hi, guys,” she says, shivering. “Nice job not noticing. I’m used to it, though.”

“And I’m used to getting crapped on by birds daily!” yells Wolfgang. “But do I complain about it?”

“Yes. Yes, you do,” Arthur says frankly.

“Guys, I think you’ve lost the focus of the challenge,” says Flora sweetly. “We’re fishing, right?”

Chelsey looks at Flora. “Yeah, um, come over here, honey. I have something I kinda want to talk to you about.”

Wolfgang is shown in the confessional. “Will the chick ever stop? Earlier this morning, she was trying to get ME to be in an alliance. I don’t even like people. What in the world would make her think I like being in an alliance? Ugh, she bugs me! I’m worried for Flora. She’s too nice to hear about that popularity crap.”

“Okay. I’m gonna make this brief. Flora, you need to become popular. Yeah, I had this chat with Wolfie earlier today. But I have faith it’ll work with you. First of all, what you need to do is buy twenty pairs of yoga pants,” Chelsey explains.

“Yeah, Chelsey, I don’t like yoga pants. I find jeans to be a lot more well-fitting on my legs,” Flora says plainly.

“Well, people don’t like boring people,” Chelsey says.

“Boring? You think I can control my boringness? If so, I would be the most interesting girl ever,” says Flora.

Wolfgang is shown fishing. He hears a bite, and reels his rod in, only to catch a sopping wet Puck instead of a fish.

“Sup, dude?” he says enthusiastically. “Just getting swole!” He flexes, showing off his nonexistent muscles.

“YOU?!” he yells, and releases Puck back into the lake quickly.

“There is literally NOTHING here. Can’t we just go home and watch footage of 1E’s new concert? Ugh, they premiered a new song too,” Julia groans.

“Yes, I’m sure you’d love to see Zane make out with his buxom girlfriend from the four piece girl group Little Dix. That would not make you jealous, now, I assume,” winks Arthur.

“Zane and Perry are JUST FRIENDS!” yells Julia. “Don’t believe everything the tabloids say!”

“Yeah. ‘USA Today’ is totally a tabloid,” Elena says rudely. “Sorry, dude. It was a front page story.”

“Even I know this,” Helga says. “And I don’t even listen to music.”

Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown walking to their fishing spot.

“Need some help with that, my dear?” winks Nic, as Chrissy carries the tackle box.

“Yeah, no. I can do it,” Chrissy says gruffly. She then lifts the box on top of her head and continues to carry it.

Layla gets to the fishing spot before everyone else, and stretches out on the ground. “I’m gonna, like, work on my tan and sleep and stuff. Veronica, if you want to get me a Diet Mountain Fizz, that’d be greatly appreciated. Oh, and some crackers too. You know what, just get me a whole box of them. Thaaaaanks.”

“Uh, whatever you say, Layla!” Veronica says, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

“My redheaded vixen, we have to compete in the challenge,” says Nic creepily. “Or, you know, instead you could list the qualities you best liked about Alejandro winning in Denmark. I personally enjoyed his dubbed-in voice. It was all deep, and throaty, and mmmm.”

“Nic. What are you doing,” says Estrella, who’s simultaneously listening to music and fishing. “That’s--” She tugs on her line and catches a small bluegill.

“Ooh, I got one. This is better than nothing, I suppose,” she says. “I still hate you, fishy.” She puts the fish into the small net floating into the water.

“Yeah, I don’t really want to get that thing for Layla... Ooh, maybe I should fish! Cool,” says Veronica happily. “She’s asleep anyway, she won’t notice.”

“You know, I’m really not into the whole fishing thing...” says Alex, while he watches Trick fish.

“Would talking strategy be cooler to you?” asks Trick.

“No, man. I don’t like strategy. Or anything that involves the moving of any kind of muscular joint,” Alex says.

“So, uh, you’re telling me to kill you? Because you said you--” Trick begins.

“Shut up, man. Let me sleep,” Alex says.

There’s a scream, and the boys look over. Sure enough, Nic is making out with Estrella. He finally lets go, and scurries away.

“Why,” Estrella says with no emotion whatsoever. “Just... why.”

“Wait, Estrella, you said you wanted a showmance!” says Nic. “Plus, you enjoy my sexy flair.”

“No. When did I EVER say that,” says Estrella, now shaking. “WHEN.”

“Nic, just go stare at shirtless pictures of Alejandro or something,” says Chrissy angrily, leading Estrella away.

Estrella says in the confessional, “I don’t like Nic, obviously. But you know, Chrissy has some faults too. She just has less faults than everyone else, and I attempt to be nicer to her. Does she think I’m friends with her? No. I’m not really friends with anyone here, except Helga, but she smells like bratwurst.”

“Hey, guys, I caught a fish!” says Veronica happily, holding up a giant bass.“Nobody cares,” Estrella says rudely.

“So, should I-- Oh, no!” As Veronica is talking, the fish leaps into the water and swims away.

The Ralphcakes are shown again, and still haven’t made any progress with their fish catching.

“Mooooooooroahahaha!” Puck says, yelling into the lake. “Mweeeeeeeeh! Roooooooooo! Aioooooo!”

“WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU DOING?!” yells Wolfgang angrily. “My eardrums are being destroyed.”

“Dude, Wolfie, simmer down! I’m trying to catch a whale, because Helga told me that if I did, Roz would totally let us win!” Puck says happily. “You know we can do it! You saw my mad whale-catching skills in Tokyo, right?”

“That was pure luck. Also, Puck, did it ever cross your mind that maybe I was being sarcastic? I know it’s a really hard concept for you to understand,” says Helga snidely.

“Yeah, dude... Also, whales don’t live in freshwater... You should know that...” says Trey quietly. “I wish a whale could have picked me up from Tiki Jungle and brought me back to civilization...”

Elena says in the confessional, “There are times where I don’t know if I want to violently make out with Trey, or punch him in the face.”

Julia is shown with her line in the water. She quickly reels it in, and a giant pike appears. It flops around on her, and she starts to scream, “This thing is bigger than ME!”

Arthur grabs the fish. “You know, if I was not a nice person, I would have left it on. But it could have bitten your nose off, and even though I would have enjoyed that, noses are a vital part of your body.”

“Ugh, Arthur, if you’re gonna be Puber T, at least make it interesting,” Helga says.

“All right, would you like to learn about sexually transmitted illnesses?” Arthur says. “Because I can--”

“GUYS, I GOT THE FISH OFF!” Julia yells, while trying to put the gigantic fish into the net. “Now, if only it could...” The fish bites her. “OWW! Stupid thing!”

Roz randomly barges in, in the midst of all the commotion. “Hey, guys, challenge is over, time to see who won and poop like that. Also, you guys should be lucky that the townspeople didn’t bother you, Smoothie Guy was feelin’ mouthy earlier. So, meet me back there in five!”

In “five”, the contestants are all shown back at the center of where the challenge began.

“That was totes a throwaway challenge,” Chelsey says. “If you want good ratings, you have to do cool stuff. Like drama. Someone could get murdered, then we could start receiving messages from an anonymous person, and then we could solve mysteries and crap. That’d be so perf.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. K, so what did ya guys catch?” says Roz.

Arthur holds up the Ralphcakes’ net, while Nic holds up the Citrus Fruits’. Both have little to nothing, but the fish in the Ralphcakes’ net is bigger.

“Ooh! Ralphcakes, that’s a nice beefy pike ya got there. Citrus Fruits... I don’t know what I’m gonna do with a bluegill. So, Ralphcakes win immunity! Continue to dominate!” Roz cheers.

“Uh, we lost two challenges in a row,” snaps Julia.

“SHADDAP!” Roz says. “But yeah. Head back to the cabin, boys and girls. Citrus Fruits, you guys get to sleep on the ground tonight.”

The Citrus Fruits are shown walking to their camp. Nic walks up to Trick. “Hola, amigo. Up for some strategy talk?” he says.

“Yeah...” says Trick warily. “But not with you. I’m gonna talk to Alex first, see what he thinks.”

Trick walks up to Alex, who’s asleep. Alex suddenly wakes up. “Man, can’t you see I’m doing something right now? Thanks.” He then falls back asleep.

Nic suddenly appears next to Trick. “Alex is asleep. We can now make our strategic moves!”

“You know, don’t kill me for this, dude. But I kinda want to get Alex out. You know, he does literally nothing in challenges, is lazy, and earlier he called me a tool,” Trick says.

“I am shocked! Alejandro would even think you were slimy. But, I do appreciate your gameplay, man. I don’t know if I can do it, though. Alex is a good amigo of mine,” says Nic.

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t want to be that mean to the guy. We’ve kinda had an alliance with the start, but since Devin has been gone for a while...” Trick says.

“This strategy talk is quite boring. I’m going to go attempt to flirt with Chrissy,” says Nic, and he struts away.

“Wait, but you were the one who just said you wanted to talk strategy!” calls out Trick. “Well, I don’t even... What?”

“Hi, Nic, what do you want,” says Chrissy as Nic walks over to her.

“I am purely interested in seeing who you want to get out,” winks Nic.

“You,” says Chrissy. “But since I don’t want to be the target of some horrible scheme, I’ll vote with you.”

Chrissy says in the confessional, “I feel kind of sorry for the kid, even though he’s annoyed me for two seasons straight. I might as well try to make an alliance with him, at least I have numbers.”

“I wouldn’t do it,” softly purrs a voice. Chrissy looks down and sees Estrella.

“Estrella, he hasn’t even said who he wants to get out...” Chrissy says.

“Trick,” says Nic. “I am sure you’d agree with that. He is more of a Justin than an Al.”

“That guy’s a pompous douche, but you know, Alex is lazy as well as a pompous douche,” Estrella says quietly. “Or we could get out Layla, but she’s been lying low lately.”

“Hmm... There’s tons of options, guys. Now, Nic, mind getting lost? I don’t want to have to resort to doing other things,” threatens Chrissy.

“Yeah. I still haven’t forgotten your DISGUSTING LIPS ON MY MOUTH,” Estrella snaps.

Nic winks at her, then quickly sprints away.

Roz is shown with the contestants at the elimination ceremony. “Hey, guys! Wow, you’re really dwindling. Seven left, and soon to be six? Woooow.”

“Shut up,” says Layla rudely.

“Now, Layla, normally I’d punish ya for being that rude! But tonight, you get the first seashell!” says Roz, and she tosses Layla a seashell.

“Uh, that’s unexpected. Eww. This seashell is ugly, I want a new one,” complains Layla.

“Too bad! Uh, next seashells go to Chrissy, Veronica, and Estrella! A girl is not going home tonight,” says Roz.

The three all get their seashells, and Chrissy and Estrella smile at each other.

“Nic. You’re creepy and an annoying villain wannabe, but somehow you’re safe tonight,” says Roz, as she passes him a seashell.

“Whoo!” Nic cheers, and the seashell hits him in the head. “Hey, gravity, this gag has been done thousands of times. Be original.”

“Trick and Alex. Nobody really likes either of you. Uh, let’s get this over with. Final seashell goes to...”

“Trick.”

Alex, who was snoring, wakes up. “Huh? What? Am I safe?”

“Nah. You got eliminated,” Roz says. “Sorry, bud.”

“...Damn,” says Alex softly. “Whatever. At least I can get some well-deserved sleep. Maybe this game isn’t really that cut out for me... Hey, can someone carry me to the Boat of Losers?”

Chef suddenly walks up to the group, picks up Alex, and throws him into the boat. His head hits the wall and he crumples onto the ground.

“Wow. Try throwing a bit softer next time,” says Alex groggily. The Boat of Losers chugs off into the sunset.

“So, that was a pretty anti-climactic elimination, but I’m not sure why that guy was even brought back in the first place!” says Roz. “Maybe to give hope for lazy people everywhere? He didn’t really do much. Tune in for more random tomfoolery next time on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

Chapter 9 - All You Need Is Badly-Written Love Notes
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, I was feeling really lazy and decided to have the contestants fish! Obviously it made room for tons of drama, including Arthur being Arthur, Chelsey being Chelsey, and Alex being lazy. The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits’ winning streak didn’t last much longer, for they sadly lost the challenge and were forced to send one of themselves home. Trick was targeted for being a pompous, strategy-obsessed douche, but the girls had other plans and eliminated Alex instead for being lazy and annoying! Nic also got some Estrella action, hitting on her as well as Chrissy... again. And finally Layla has been pretty quiet lately, what could she possibly be up to? Find out all the answers to these burning questions and more today on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown!”

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown returning from elimination.

“I’m glad we got that guy out,” says Trick. “He really decreased our team’s morale, if you know what I mean.”

“Well, you decrease our morale by simply existing,” Estrella says rudely. “I’m going to go to bed. Don’t disturb me unless you want to go through a portal and end up in the Dark World.”

“Yeah. Uh, me too,” says Trick warily. “Night.”

“Greetings,” Nic suddenly appears next to Chrissy. “I figure we could socialize, and compare favorites. What say you?”

“Favorite what? Way to make you go away?” says Chrissy. “Look, Nic, I’m really tired and--”

“Now, now, we must do this,” Nic says. “All right. Favorite color? Mine is the deep silky orange of Alejandro’s buff stomach. My dream is to make Abby look like that.”

“Yeah. I like gray. And basically everything except the deep silky orange of Alejandro’s buff stomach,” says Chrissy.

“Swaggy,” winks Nic. “Yeah, nice try, that’s not a word,” says Chrissy dryly.

“Now, now. Dustin believes it is,” says Nic. “Speaking of singers... erm, well, that term is used quite loosely when it comes to him, but what is your favorite style of music?”

“You know those really obscure bands that nobody knows about?” asks Chrissy. “Yeah, those.”

“Oh, well, uh, I was figuring you liked spicy mambo music, because, uh...” begins Nic.

“Nope. Hate it. Reminds me of burritos, and burritos remind me of this weird troll on Fumblr named Burritos690 who really likes to bother me,” says Chrissy. “That’s one thing you two have in common. Now, uh, mind if I join Estrella in sleeping?”

“Oh, sure, I’ll just bother the males,” says Nic. “Adios!”

Chrissy walks over to Estrella and lies on the ground. “He irritates me,” she whispers. She looks at Estrella, who’s sound asleep.

After a while, Estrella suddenly gets up and screams, “NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” She then drops back onto the ground and continues to sleep.

Chrissy says in the confessional, “Yeah. Estrella. She’s weird, all right. But she’s the closest thing to a friend I can get on this team. I’ll take whatever I can get, and then I’ll just find Julia at the merge or something.”

“Hey, Veronica,” yells Layla. “My lips are feeling reeeally crusty. Mind, like, getting me some lip gloss or whatever? I cannot go around looking like this.”

“Layla, can we do this tomorrow?” says Veronica groggily. “These challenges have taken a lot out of me... I just wanna rest for a little bit.”

“NO!” yells Layla. “Do it. Now. Seriously, Veronica, you sass me way too much, you’re worse than Charles.”

Layla says in the confessional, “DO YOU SEE THESE LIPS. They are as dry as the freaking desert. This is a really, really big deal, and that girl is working my last nerve. Ugh.”

The scene changes to the next morning, where the Hopalong Ralphcakes are chilling out (kinda) in their cabin.

Wolfgang is sleeping on the couch and snoring. Puck slowly creeps up behind him, and starts talking. “Hey. Wolfie! Guess what? Dude, you there?”

Wolfgang continues to snore. Out of nowhere, Puck pulls out a vuvuzela and blows it in Wolfgang’s face obnoxiously, causing him to sputter and wake up.

“Huh-- wha-- WHAT?!” yells Wolfgang. “What the crap was that for? Did I seriously get less than fifteen hours of sleep, AGAIN?”

“Dude, I found out something cool!” says Puck happily. “You gotta come over here.”

“No. It’s not going to be cool. It’s going to be some pointless crap that will be a waste of my life. You know, I’ll never get these twenty seconds back,” complains Wolfgang.

“Aww, come on, man! You’ll like this show that Chels is watching! She wants you to come in, too,” says Puck.

Wolfgang reluctantly gets up from the couch and follows him to the other room, where Chelsey is sitting on the couch watching television, while Flora is sitting next to her and Arthur is on the ground snoring loudly.

“Puck, get away from here, this is a one-on-one thing,” snaps Chelsey. Puck trots away.

“Urgh, what do you want now?” Wolfgang says. “I already tried taking those pills you wanted me to take, they tasted like horrible crap. I’m done with that stuff.”

“No. See this show I’m watching? Well, I figured you’d like it. It’s called--” Chelsey begins.

“Dude, it’s called Teen Wolf and it’s totally up your alley! They even named the show after you! If that isn’t chill, man, I dunno what is!” says Puck giddily, reappearing next to them.

“That is NOT the point, Puck. Go away. What I want to show Wolfgang is the main character’s hair. Look at how perfectly combed it is. This guy is perfect. He has literally no flaws. Second hottest guy I’ve ever seen,” Chelsey says.

“I am assuming the first is Toad, right?” sniggers Arthur, waking up. Chelsey glares at him, and he resumes sleeping.

“You think I can get my hair to look like that?” growls Wolfgang. “I don’t think I’ve ever brushed it in my entire life. Good luck.”

“Well, if you do it, then it won’t look like a rat’s nest as much... Look, Wolfgang, I just want to make you more physically appealing,” Chelsey says.

Wolfgang groans, and walks away. “...Or you could do that,” yells Chelsey.

“Chelsey, have you ever tried being nice to people?” asks Flora sweetly.

“Nice? What do you mean? Of course I’m nice. You just, like, get offended at everything. Seriously, gurl. Don’t be so touchy,” says Chelsey.

“Well, you’re nicer than Elena, so that’s a plus. But you don’t have a personality or anything outside of wanting to be popular,” Flora says. “I bet you could be really nice.”

“Aww, Flora, that’s really sweet of you... Wait. Who are you to tell me about not having a personality?!” Chelsey pipes up.

“And lead you down the unforsaken roooooooad,” sings Arthur while sleeping. Chelsey and Flora look at him warily.

Chelsey says in the confessional, “You know, if the guy wants to reference @#$%ty music, at least do it subtlely. Blurting out lyrics is anything but subtle.”

Trey, Julia, and Helga are shown sitting in chairs. “Trey, you’re a useless lump,” says Julia rudely.

“Believe me, I’m used to it...” says Trey. “I was gonna tell you that you’re pretty now that you don’t have red hair, but since you don’t like me...”

“I don’t know why you seem to forget that you were a gigantic douchenugget in your first season,” Helga says while reading a book called “The Advantages Of Being A Floorplant”.

“Dude, I’m a changed man...” says Trey solemnly. “I’m different...”

“Shaddap, Trey,” says Julia rudely. “Why did you want to steal my moolah, then? Only true douchenuggets do that.”

“It was a compulsive thing, man... Aww, whatever, I’m out of here... Nobody likes me anyway, so it doesn’t make a difference...” whispers Trey, and he crawls away.

Trey walks into the bathroom, but sees Elena already in there just sitting on the floor, reading a magazine. “Eww! WTF, Trey? I was having some private time!”

“Elena. Listen. They’re being huge jerks out there. They think that just because I did some kinda bad stuff, they have the right to belittle me constantly,” says Trey sadly.

“Whoa, what? You’re not talking in constant PJs,” Elena says warily. “Something is up.”

“Yeah. Being here has made me less depressed, and more just like I want to destroy these people,” says Trey.

Elena looks at Trey for a moment, and he then looks at her. She then says, “Wanna make out?”

Trey nods his head, and the two begin to violently kiss each other. After a couple seconds, Elena lets go. “Now, I have to actually go to the bathroom,” she says. He looks at her for a second. She yells, “LEAVE.”

Elena says in the confessional, “Oh, there is no way I’m getting back together with that bum. I’m not that type of girl. But hey, I’ll do anything if it gets me more screentime!”

Once she’s done, Elena stomps out of the bathroom and walks up to Puck, who’s standing by the microwave and eating ramen noodles. She grabs Puck’s noodles, eats them, then throws the empty bowl back into his hands.

“Aww, dude, those were my noodles, what gives?” says Puck disappointedly.

Elena sits on the couch in a huff. “Wow, someone’s more grumpy than usual today,” Chelsey says.

“Chelsey. I’m going to go back to hating you in about two minutes, but what do you look for in a guy?” Elena asks randomly.

“Anything but skinny jeans and goth clothing, pretty much,” says Chelsey. Wolfgang makes a snorting noise in the background.

“Well, Chelsey, you will be happy to find out that I do not fit either of those descriptions,” says Arthur randomly.

“Thanks, gurl! Luckily Trey doesn’t either! Bye!” Elena says cheerily, and she leaves.

“...What’s her deal?” asks Flora, after Elena has left.

Roz is seen with Chef Hatchet and Gary, sitting in what looks like the control room. “Guys. This is really, really weird. I got this anonymous note, read it, and it has some pretty freaky chaz in there.”

“A love letter? Heh-heh. Spicy,” chuckles Chef quietly.

“Man, I wish I could have gotten one of those!” says Gary excitedly. “From Meg, obviously. But why did you even call me here?”

“Do ya got any ideas for a challenge?” Roz says. “If not, we’ll do some crappy whodunit thing to see who sent this note to me, and the person who sent it wins immunity for their team.”

“Roz, you’re a really spontaneous and random host...” says Gary. “But I can’t complain! I’ll get the contestants and bring them here pronto.”

The contestants are shown in front of Roz, near a small building in the tourist-y little town. “So, guys. Got a weird letter. One by one, my buddies are gonna ask ya questions to find out who’s done it, while I go and get my nails done! Bye!” Roz waves, and zips away.

“That girl has some serious issues,” Chelsey scoffs. “...She does know that cool people get manicures after 5:00 PM, right? Otherwise the weather will cause your nails to be all sticky and gross and stuff. I do not want that to happen.”

“GRAH-BLARGLE!” A noise is heard, and Smoothie Guy walks out from next to Chef. “What’s up, bitches? I’m going to be interrogating the girls, while Chef will interrogate the boys. This will be fun, fun, fun.”

“Girls sending love letters to Roz? Ewww, nobody here is like that,” Elena says rudely.

“Wait, so, is this our challenge or something? You guys are getting lazier and lazier,” Layla says while flipping her hair. “Veronica, can you be interrogated instead of me, BTW?”

“Yes. Now, follow me into the room... We’ve got some work to do,” Chef says in a quiet voice, and then laughs evilly. “Wolfgang? You’re up first.”

Wolfgang mopes into the room, which is dimly lit with nothing but a table, a chair on either side of it, and a lamp. They both sit down, and Chef takes out the note.

“DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT WRITE THIS NOTE?” yells Chef. “I WANT HONEST ANSWERS, AND HONEST ANSWERS ONLY. NOW DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT WRITE THIS NOTE?! ANSWER ME, BOY!”

“No!” yells Wolfgang. “I don’t like people. Why would I write a letter to Roz? Her squealing frequently punctures my eardrums.”

“YOU’RE LYIN’, BOY! I SEE YO’ FACE IS RED!” yells Chef.

“MY FACE IS ALWAYS RED!” yells Wolfgang back. “GET OUT OF IT!”

“All righ’, all righ’,” says Chef. “You scare me. Get out. NEXT!” He pushes Wolfgang out from the room, and slams the door.

Meanwhile, Smoothie Guy is in the room with Elena. “Hey. Uh. Elena. Not gonna lie, you’re super attractive. You’re a rude bitch. I’m a rude bitch. We could go perfectly together. Plus, your boobs are huge,” Smoothie Guy winks.

“Hey. I worked hard to get the girls,” Elena says, feeling angered. “I’m not interested in you. I got many more hotties to look for, and your hair makes you look like a girl.”

“But I have a nice, scraggly beard, right?” Smoothie Guy says. “My mom says it gives me this outdoorsy, wilderness survivor-like feel.”

“Smoothie Guy, aren’t you like thirty? I’m not gonna date you,” Elena says, getting more angry.

“Twenty-nine,” scoffs Smoothie Guy. “Also, this conversation doesn’t leave us, okay?”

While Smoothie Guy is talking, Elena seems to be texting on her phone. “HEY! IF YOU’RE TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS, I’LL--” yells Smoothie Guy.

“Calm down, turd!” yells Elena. “Obviously you’re not gonna interrogate me, so I’m gonna leave.” She walks out of the door and goes back to the other contestants.

Arthur is shown playing with a cube-shaped object. “Yo, man, what’s that?” Puck says happily. “Totes wanna play with it!”

“It’s a Pubik’s Cube,” Arthur explains. “My mother made it for me. Different word on each square, and it can be combined to make enlightening phrases. Hmm, let’s see... If you wake up in the morning while--”

“While being named Arthur Westover, you’re gonna get CONKED IN THE NOGGIN,” Julia yells.

“Heh-heh-heh,” says Chef, grinning evilly from the doorway. “Next victim-- I mean, interrogatee. Trey, come on in here.”

“Why... I’m really not looking for a relationship right now, can’t you just skip me...” says Trey. “I didn’t write the note...”

“No! GET YO’ FILTHY ASS IN HERE UNLESS YOU WANNA EAT MAH GRUEL FOR THE REST OF THE GAME!” yells Chef.

Trey says in the confessional, “Ugh. Chef scares me. I’ll add him to the list of ‘People I Want To Destroy’.”

Trey mopes into the room, and Chef locks the door. “Greetings,” says Chef evilly. “So. Dude. You’re evil, righ’? Why should I believe you that y’ didn’t write th’ note?”

“Because, man, I’m not evil anymore...” says Trey. “You gotta understand that sometimes people do things that are wrong, but they aren’t wrong themselves...”

Chef scratches his head. “Come t’ think of it, I can barely remember anything evil you’ve eva’ done. Strange. But still, you’re too pale. You’re up to somethin’!”

“Listen. Chef. I’m NOT evil. I voted out people in a game about voting out people. And everyone out there treats me like @#$%. So, just leave me alone and let me get back to moping about my pathetic life,” Trey says, raising his voice.

“Um... All righ’, all righ’. Only ‘cause I have a weak heart,” Chef begins to tear up. He opens the door, and yells “NEXT!”

Smoothie Guy is shown talking to Estrella. “So, Estrella. Tell me what you were doing yesterday at 4:30, right when Roz got this note.”

“Sleeping,” says Estrella monotonically.

“All right... Uh...” Smoothie Guy takes out some note cards. “Does your handwriting look anything like this?” He shows Estrella the note.

“Yeah. I totally have bubbly, girlish handwriting,” Estrella says. “Was this written by a chick?”

“WHY WOULD I KNOW?! THAT’S WHY I’M INTERROGATING EVERY SINGLE FREAKING ONE OF YOU BEFORE--” Smoothie Guy yells.

Estrella walks out of the room while Smoothie Guy is berating her. “Sorry, you forgot to lock the door.”

Flora walks into Smoothie Guy’s room. “Hello, Smoothie Guy! Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?”

“How do you do it?” Smoothie Guy says, wrinkling his brow.

“What?” asks Flora. “I’m confused.”

“How are you so goddamn happy all the time?” Smoothie Guy says, then lets out a deep sigh.

“I just like life, and living it, and lots of the people in it,” says Flora happily. “Even when people are rude to me, I try to be nice to them. But what does this have to do with the note?”

“It doesn’t. But I got a crappy life, man. I need happiness. Those weird pills I took didn’t do anything to help me, just gave me extra amounts of gas,” Smoothie Guy explains.

“I sense a Twinklefogian conversation coming up,” says a faint voice from outside. A noise that sounds like someone getting kicked in the groin follows.

“Yeah. I think you’re too nice to write the note or anything like that. Get out of here,” snarls Smoothie Guy.

As Flora walks out, Chelsey goes up to her. “Were you all mean to him? OMG, gurl. That could totally bring in the ratings! Were you independent and strong and whatever?”

“Uhh... No,” Flora says. “I was just my normal self.”

“What. The. Actual. Crap. Flora, we need to take lessons on improving popularity and appearance. You know, you need both, you can’t just have one,” Chelsey says. “I’ve told you this a billion times, but the clothes need fixing up...” She starts to jot down more notes.

Chef is shown talking with Arthur. “You’re fat, dude! Y’ need to work out!”

“Not fat. Morbidly obeeeese. Plus, I cannot work out,” says Arthur. “I’m way too cool for the gym. I do not want to go to a place with a douche population of over eight thousand.”

“So, is you sure that you didn’t write th’ note? Seems like something you would do while prankin’ or whatever,” Chef says.

“Uh... Nope. Didn’t write the note, not at all,” says Arthur, beginning to sweat.

“YOU LIE!” yells Chef. “I’ll put you on my naughty list. Then we can have a chat, later, when everyone is done... Heh-heh-heh.”

Arthur waddles out of the room, and Chef calls to Puck. “PUCK, GET YO’ ICY ASS IN HERE!”

“Hey! What’s up?” says Puck cheerfully. “Now, obviously I wouldn’t write a note to Roz. I knew her for too long, and she likes Dustin Nutria. Not that I don’t, but that’s not what I look for in a chick! Also, I’m dating Casey, who’s way too hot ‘n’ chill for me to cheat on.”

“Yeah. But you could be playin’ around and trying to be all mysterious an’ stuff,” says Chef.

“Whaaaaaaaaat?” Puck says. “Nope. Sorry to burst your bubble, Chef, but I didn’t do it. Wolfie wouldn’t like that!”

“‘Ey! Did Wolfgang write the note? I DEMAND ANSWERS!” yells Chef.

“What are you talkin’ about? He’s way too nice for that! Plus, didn’t you jabber to him already?” Puck says.

“Kid, ain’t nobody ever say jabber,” Chef says. “But I suppose I’ll believe ya. Get outta here.”

Nic walks in. “Hola, Chef, I decided to talk to you.”

“Wait? Didn’t you already go, kid?” Chef says warily.

“No, no,” Nic says. “But I did not write the letter either. Believe me, Alejandro has high standards.”

“Mmm-hmm. I know th’ guy. Not a nice dude, but you on th’ other hand. You could be hidin’ somethin’!” says Chef.

“Of course not,” says Nic. “Now, I need to scoot. Adios.”

“Hmm... That was weird...” says Chef to himself, after Nic leaves.

Smoothie Guy is shown arguing with Layla. “I’m NOT gonna get you a smoothie!” he yells.

“Um, dude? Your name is Smoothie Guy. If you’re not gonna get me a smoothie, then why the crap am I even here?” Layla whines.

“Smoothie Guy is not my name! Did you really think my parents wrote that on my freaking birth certificate?!” says Smoothie Guy.

“Uh, no. But if you’re not gonna get me one, then why don’t you just change your name to ‘Picks-Fights-With-Pretty-Girls-For-No-Reason Guy’?” Layla says.

“Because my mom says it’s a cool name!” yells Smoothie Guy.

“You IRRITATE me!” yells Layla, and she stomps out.

The contestants are seen gathered around Chef and Smoothie Guy, and also Roz, who’s finally back. “Hey, guys! So, we’ve narrowed it down to two people. And both of them are on... the Hopalong Ralphcakes! So, that means you guys lost the challenge.”

“Wait, what? I thought you said that the person who sent the note would win for their team!” says Wolfgang angrily.

“Yeah. We kinda realized that that really didn’t make sense. The note was kinda creepy, and we thought that if we made you guys vote someone out, the person who wrote the note could reveal themselves! Plus, we all know that Trick woulda gone home if the Fruits lost. And we don’t like obvious eliminations,” Roz explains.

“Uh, thanks? Is that a good thing?” says Trick angrily.

“Yep. Now get outta here, guys. We got work to do,” says Roz.

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are walking back to their camp, which has been previously used by the Citrus Fruits. “Ugh. Losing sucks,” Elena says. “Just like Chelsey’s clothing.”

“Mind saying something that doesn’t cause me to feel like I’m losing brain cells?” says Helga while reading the same book she was earlier.

“Yeah. What she said. I like your sass, Helga. They call you the Queen of Sass for a reason,” says Chelsey.

“Who calls her that? I’ve literally heard nobody anywhere call her the Queen of Sass,” Julia says rudely.

“Well, I’ve heard nobody anywhere call you One Erection’s biggest fan, but you claim that in your Tweeter bio,” Helga says snidely.

“Guys, guys,” Arthur says. “Wanna hear a story? I assume so. Okay, so I was coming home on the public bus about a year ago. It was a long day at school, I had to be Puber T all day. Plus I got a detention for that one thing I said to my teacher. I swear, I was at the end of my rope, man, I was FRIED. I was basically half-asleep, so I had no idea what was going on at all. And then I saw this wrapper, and I assumed it was a sucker, so I put it in my mouth, but little did I know, it was actually the wrapper of a tamp--”

“All right, that’s enough!” shouts Chelsey, interrupting Arthur.

Puck walks out of the house eating a corn dog. “Yo, what are we talkin’ about?”

“Tampons,” says Helga dryly.

“Ooh! Cool!” Puck squeals excitedly and runs over to the rest of the team.

Estrella walks over to the team, and Helga says, “What are you doing here? Thought you figured we weren’t cool enough to talk to.”

“No. Guys, listen. We want to give up immunity to you guys, because there is someone on our team who really just annoys all of us and we want him out,” Estrella says. “Deal?”

“...Why would we ever say no to that?” Chelsey says. “Deal. Gurl, you’re awesome. Now let’s go into the house, guys.”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes move back into the cabin, while the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits all emerge from the cabin and spread out in the grassy knoll.

“Guys, I only got fifteen hours of sleep last night,” whines Layla. “Look. The bags under my eyes have bags under the bags, and that is NOT good.”

“What do you want me to do about it this time?” sighs Veronica.

“Oh, nothing, I was just complaining so I could bother you,” says Layla evilly. “Nothing big. But while you’re at it, can you comb my hair? I encountered a knot earlier.”

Trick walks up to the two girls. “Yo, what’s up, guys?” he says. “I was getting tired of polishing my skateboard. Thought I could chill around you. By the way, why are we out here?”

“We don’t like you,” Layla says rudely.

“Hey, Layla, you could be a bit nicer about it...” pouts Veronica. “But it’s kinda true, I guess...”

“Really? Well, uh, I was gonna try and get out Nic today. He’s kinda rude and weird,” says Trick. “Probs won’t work, but hey, I can try. Thanks for the help.”

Layla says in the confessional, “Charles, if you’re watching this, I miss you sooooo much. Seriously, if you came here, I would be so happy. I hate Veronica, I hate Trick, I hate everyone on this team. I just wanna go home and force you to do things for me instea-- oh, wait, you quit. Never mind.”

Charles is shown in a gigantic mansion, watching Total Drama on a flat-screen TV while wearing a diamond-encrusted towel around his neck and sitting in a large hot tub.

“Oh, my dear Layla, I do hope she is doing well,” he says to himself. “She is known to be quite whiny when she doesn’t get her way... Which is often.”

“I’m gonna go get something to eat, see you in a sec, guys,” says Trick, and he walks away.

Trick says in the confessional, “I really like to think I’m in power on this tribe. I got Layla and Veronica with me, and Chrissy and Estrella will just do whatever. A Nic elimination should really be easy. Plus, I gotta make Cammy proud, and that’s all that matters.”

Nic walks up to Layla and Veronica, who is now brushing Layla’s hair. “Amigo. We need to vote out Trick. He is a douche.”

“Yeah, um, so are you,” Layla says. “Lay off the hair gel.”

“No, but Trick is douchier!” whines Nic. “Come on, girls, you gotta vote for me, he doesn’t even deserve to be here. He’s barely even an all-star!”

“Meh. I’ll think about it. But only if you go to the store tomorrow and get me some 6 Hour Energy, I live and breathe that stuff,” bargains Layla.

“Fine, fine,” Nic says. “I may or may not have a stash of it in my backpack, anyway. Easy pickings.”

Roz is shown at the elimination ceremony, texting. Sure enough, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits walk up to her and sit on the stumps.

“What the clump?!” says Roz loudly. “B-b-but... You guys won immunity! Are you really... BAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Yeah. We are. Let us vote already,” Estrella says rudely.

“I’m not even gonna ask questions, cause I wanna be respectful, but... That’s just...” Roz tries to hold in her laughter. “Go vote or whatever. I’m done.”

Estrella is shown voting in the confessional. “Trick’s a pompous douche. Nic’s a creepy scumbag. The choice is obvious tonight.”

Chrissy is shown voting, as well. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna go with this... It’s hard, really.”

The contestants finish voting, and Roz speaks up. “All righty! First seashell goes to Chrissy, I don’t even think you’ve been a target this whole time.”

She tosses Chrissy a seashell, and Chrissy catches it happily.

“Estrella and... You know, let’s just give one to everyone other than Trick ‘n’ Nic,” Roz says. She passes the rest of the girls seashells. “Heh. Trick ‘n’ Nic. That rhymes.”

“Way to make it suspenseful,” says Trick sarcastically.

“The final seashell goes to...”

“Nic. Get outta here, Patty.”

“I guess you weren’t kidding when you said I would go home if we lost. Guys, did you go to elimination just to get rid of me?” says Trick angrily.

“No,” says everyone simultaneously except Estrella, who says “yes”.

“Whatever. If you guys don’t appreciate strategy and would rather focus on cartoony, over-the-top gimmicks, that’s fine. You guys can just kiss my--” begins Trick. Before he can finish, Smoothie Guy walks up to him and kicks him in the butt.

“Or kick it. That’s fine too,” says Trick rudely as he walks to the Boat of Losers. “Bye, guys.”

As the Boat of Losers pulls up, Cammy is shown to be sitting on there. Estrella makes a loud gasp from the elimination ceremony.

“Hey,” says Cammy quietly. “This is kinda disappointing.”

“Meh. They can live with it,” says Trick, sitting down next to Cammy. “They just knew I was way too cool, so they booted me out. You’re the only cool one here.”

Trick hears a snoring noise, and sees a sleeping Tolkien on the other side of him, who starts to snuggle with him. “Great...”

The Boat of Losers drives away, and Roz’s voice is heard. “Could this be a contender for Most Obvious Elimination Ever? Ah, well. We tried to make it fun. Anyway, tune in for more random crappy nonsense soon, on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown!”

Chapter 10 - Running Through the Woods on a Generic Evening
“Previously on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, I got a weird love note from somebody. As a result, the challenge was put on hold, and instead we tried to figure out who exactly that somebody was! We still don’t know who it was, but we now know it was someone on the Hopalong Ralphcakes... And knowing them, there will totally be some drama. Anyway, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits won the challenge because we wanted the Hopalong Ralphies to create drama by eliminating someone, but in a weird twist, the Citrus Fruits went to elimination! Even though THEY WON THE CHALLENGE! Weird dudes, weird, weird dudes. They got rid of Trick in a pretty much unanimous decision, because he was kinda a tool. Now that he’s gone, the Fruits have only five players left. Will they be completely decimated, or will they pull it together and get to win a challenge? Tune in today to find out on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are in their cabin, as usual. It’s the morning after the elimination.

Elena walks up to Chelsey, who’s lying on the couch. “Chelsey. Wake up. We really need to talk.”

“Ugh, what is it?” Chelsey says, waking up groggily. “I’m really not in the mood for your shenanigans, Elena.”

“So, you know, we hate each other, right? I had this idea about us working together and eliminating all the obnoxious morons on our team. It’d be, like, an unexpected duo or whatever. Doesn’t that get lots of ratings?” Elena says.

“You literally said this exact same thing to me a while back,” Chelsey responds. “Chapter five, I believe? But yeah. Not gonna happen. Sorry, gurl.”

“Aww, what? Is Trey really the only person I have?!” Elena says. “Can’t I just join your alliance with you and the borewhores, or is that too much to ask?”

“I’m losing PP just by talking to you,” scoffs Chelsey. “Go make out with Trey or something.”

Arthur and Puck are watching unfunny MyCircle videos on Puck’s laptop. “Ooh, is he going to do the cinnamon challenge now?” Puck says happily. “Coooool!”

“This guy is not funny whatsoever,” says Arthur, while watching. “People only like him because he is gay. No remarkable qualities whatsoever.”

“Hey, are you bashin’ gay people? I totally like them!” says Puck. “You know, I think Wolfie might be in the closet, so I try to be nice about it…”

“No, I have no beef with gay people whatsoever, even if some of them act like my great-aunt Beverly,” Arthur says. “But some straight people act like her to. It is not that hard to. Anyway, uh. It’s just that people say that his homosexuality is a large thing. He’s still a person. And what is up with those hags who say they like ‘gays’? They treat them like dogs. It’s really not that cool.”

“...Wow, Art, that’s the most logical thing I’ve ever heard you say!” says Puck. “But no, I don’t like the dude ‘cause he’s gay. He’s gay ‘cause I like him! ...Does that make sense?”

Trey, who is peeking out from behind the couch, scurries away and into the confessional bathroom.

“Arthur gave me a great idea,” he says in the confessional. “I am in desperate need of an alliance with anyone other than Elena. I thought I had a crush in her, so I tried to woo her again, but it turns out she’s actually crazily obsessed with me… Yeah, I don’t know how to feel about that. So, I’m gonna go up to the other girls and… we’ll see how this goes. Fingers crossed.” He laughs evilly.

“Hey, Wolfgang, mind if I talk to you about something?” Trey says, walking up to Wolfgang who’s listening to dubstep loudly.

“WHAT?!” yells Wolfgang, not able to hear Trey. Trey repeats what he said, and Wolfgang takes off his earbuds. “Ugh, this better be important.”

“So, I wanted to tell you something, because I feel like I can trust you…” whispers Trey.

“Dude. I’ve talked to you like once, and you were moping about how much you hated life,” says Wolfgang. “Why don’t you sound all PJ-y?”

“All right, you’re obviously not interested…” says Trey. “I’ll be back. Later.”

“Whoa, trying to act all mysterious and chazz. ‘I’ll be back’. Cool, I don’t give a crap,” growls Wolfgang, and he puts his music back on.

Helga and Julia are sitting in the corner, quietly, doing nothing. Helga is reading a book called “The Problem In Our Luminous Celestial Bodies” while Julia is on her phone.

Suddenly, Julia lets out a shriek and throws her phone onto the ground. “DAMMIT!”

“Jesus,” Helga says. “Can’t a snide teenager get time to do the greatest thing on the planet?”

“UGH!” yells Julia. “Zane and Perry are engaged! Do you hear me?! ENGAGED!”

“Yeah, I really don’t care, sorry,” Helga says. “I bet Arthur would care, though… and make a really dumb joke about it. But whatever.”

“No, but that means I can’t date Zayn, omg like I’m so heartbroken,” says Julia, who does not look heartbroken in the least, or any emotion at that matter.

“Hey, there’s always Larry,” says Helga. “If you can get past his… feminine qualities.”

Julia slaps Helga in the face, and Helga barely even flinches. “You know, you should really work out,” says Helga snidely.

“...Oh, great. Look who’s coming over here,” groans Julia. Sure enough, Trey walks over to the two girls and sits down next to them.

“Hi…” he mutters. “I wanna tell you guys something…”

“Scram,” Julia says. “You’re a turd-licker. Nobody here likes you. Go make out with an Oompa Loompa, you can easily find one.”

Trey stares at Julia, then walks away quickly.

“Hey, what if he wanted to ask you out? What girl can resist pasty, white skin, extremely greasy dreadlocks, and minimal clothing?” Helga says. “That’s why everyone’s in love with those vampire movies.”

“Nah. He was probably gonna mope about how ugly and dumb he is. You know, I bet he has no friends at school. And if he does, they’re probably all pretty ugly,” Julia says.

“Hmm, yeah, I don’t know if you should be calling others ugly,” Helga says extremely snidely.

“HELGA! I thought you were my friend, and don’t most teenage girls call each other pretty?!” Julia shrieks.

“You’ve known me for a year, I would have thought you’ve figured out by now that I’m not ‘most teenage girls’,” says Helga.

Trey then walks up to Flora, who’s texting. “Hi!” she says happily.

“Flora, you’re pretty generic, I mean nice…” says Trey quietly. “Can I trust you with something…?”

Trey, who is gloating evilly in the confessional, says, “Perfect! Flora’s complete lack of a personality will make sure she doesn’t do anything dumb when I tell her. She’s a complete sheep, she’ll be in my alliance in no time.”

“Yeah, sure! What’s up?” says Flora blandly.

“Well, uh… I’m gay…” Trey says quietly. “Nobody heard that, right?”

“Oh! You are?” Flora says. “Well, that’s cool!”

“Dang it!” says Trey angrily. “I mean, uh… okay. Thanks for letting me tell you. Bye…” He scurries away.

Flora says in the confessional, “Trey is a weird dude… If he’s actually telling the truth about being gay, why was he making out with Elena earlier? Maybe this is something I should tell Chelsey about, she could know how to deal with it.”

The scene changes to the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits, who are in the yard.

Chrissy is on her laptop, and Estrella is sleeping and not moving at all. Veronica walks up to them. “Hi, guys!” she says.

Estrella suddenly wakes up. “Oh, you’re not being Layla’s bitch for now? Lucky.”

“Oh, uh, she’s asleep,” Veronica says. “But I needed your help on something. I’ve kinda gotten completely tired of Layla, so I’m gonna stop working for her once and for all. I’m tired of being a doormat!”

“Heh, heh,” Chrissy says gruffly. “Yeah, being a doormat is kinda part of your personality. Have fun trying to be different, kid.”

“No, Layla is a meanie. I’m going to stand up for her,” Veronica says. “Despite the fact that it may just seem like a rehashed Lindsay/Heather, or me and Amanda... Hey, what happened to me being independent after the Amanda incident?”

“Apparently nothing,” Estrella says.

“Yeah. I’m going to go up to Layla, and… Oh, she’s sleeping,” Veronica says. “Yeah, that can wait until later. But I’m gonna do it!”

“Check back in with me in 24 hours, and I’ll judge you on if you have or not,” says Estrella

“YES! YES! YES! YES!” A voice is heard from behind the trees, and a shirtless Nic bursts out. “Oh, did you fellows hear what I heard? Alejandro is back for Total Drama: All-Stars! Fierce queen Al!”

“Uh, that might be the most cringeworthy string of words I’ve heard in my life,” says Chrissy.

“Alejandro did nothing,” Estrella says. “And he says he’s Latino? Yeah, he has to have a spray tan. Look at me, I’m white as a ghost… not that I’m complaining, of course. That ability is excellent at night.” She grins evilly.

“You do know he’s still in the robot suit, right?” Chrissy says nonchalantly. “No idea how that guy hasn’t healed yet.”

“Oh, they are keeping him in as a dramatic reveal,” winks Nic. “So, midway into the season, he will come out of the Drama Machine... SHIRTLESS! And they will be blinded by his buff ab belly, obviously.”

“Hey, guys!” says a voice. The four turn around and see Roz, who’s sitting right behind them. They gasp in shock. “Oh, didn’t know I was here? Haha. Well, I am! Aaand, it’s time for the challenge, so get your butts on down to the forest.”

“The forest? Oh, god…” Chrissy says.

After all the contestants have gathered at the beginning of the forest, Roz is shown explaining the challenge. “All right, guys! Today’s challenge is a nice little footrace.”

“Aww, MAAAAAN!” yells Puck obnoxiously.

“Yeah! You guys better have brushed up on your runnin’ skills, because you’re gonna need it. So, there’s a finish line on the other side of the forest. It’s… I dunno, six or seven miles? Something like that. Lots of hills too,” Roz explains.

“Pssh, I bet there are also mailboxes that are actually tombstones, right?” Chelsey scoffs.

“Nope!” says Roz. “There are regular tombstones! Also, impressed you remembered that, gurlie. Not everyone from Revolution is… wait, you’re the only peep from Rev left!” Roz takes out one of those party horn blower things, and blows into it, making a noise. “Congrats, Chelsey, blah blah. All right.”

“Nobody cares,” says Elena rudely.

“It’s true, though. The rest of the people from Rev were freaks. Not surprised at all that I outlasted them,” Chelsey says.

“Cockiness… ah, that is sexy,” sighs Nic longingly.

“SO ANYWAY!” yells Roz. “The person who makes it to the finish line first wins immunity for their team. You know the drill. Shouldn’t be too hard, so… yeah. Just don’t get lost or whatever, we got interns out there to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

The contestants move to the starting line, and Roz takes out a pistol. “Don’t worry, this thing only fires blanks,” says Roz. “Anyway… on your mark… get set…”

“WAIT!” Puck says. “Yeah, gotta tie my shoelaces.” He bends down and looks at his shoes. “Uh…” He tries to examine the shoes and determine how to tie them. “Can you guys give me, like, five seconds, yo? I’ve got this.”

“Ugh, my legs are starting to ache from just standing here,” whines Elena.

“All right. Take it easy. I’m almost done. I just gotta…” Puck slowly pulls the lace through the loop. Wolfgang then storms up to him, violently yanks the shoe off of his foot, and chucks it into the woods.

“There, nothing to worry about, now can we START WITH THE CHALLENGE?” says Wolfgang angrily.

“Yep!” says Roz. “On your mark… get set…” She fires the pistol. “GO!”

The contestants take off running into the woods, and eventually come to a fork in the road. The entire Swagged Out Citrus Fruits team except Layla and Veronica take one path, while those two plus the entire Hopalong Ralphcakes team take the other path.

Arthur is already struggling. “You… know…” he wheezes. “I’m a bit… hefty… Yes, running is not my strong suit…”

“Agreed, bro!” says Puck, while breathing extremely heavily. “Maybe if I got onto your back, that’d work… I wouldn’t have to… ru…”

“What…” Arthur pants. “That would just make it more impossible for me… Even though I am morbidly obeeeese and could easily support your flabby body.”

“Arthur! SHADDAP!” yells Julia, while running. “You know, if you pace yourself, it’s not that hard…”

“Good idea,” says Arthur, and he sprints up ahead. Right then, his watch beeps and he pulls out the red underwear and places it on his head. He runs up next to Elena. “So… did you pay for those?” he says, while wheezing.

“What? Ew, no, these are all natural,” Elena says, obviously quite offended. “...Who gets hair extensions anymore?”

“Yes, because when girls are going through puberty, the amount of hormones they have somewhat determines how large their… Forget this, I am way too tired to be Puber T,” Arthur says. He grabs his underwear, yanks it off his head, and throws it into a lake nearby.

“Man, you can’t get rid of Puber! He’s taught me more than I’ve ever known!” Puck says, slowly becoming more and more out of breath. He jogs to the lake, and picks up the underwear, where a small minnow is flopping around on top of it.

“Ew, I hate fish… They make me barf and whatnot,” whines Trey, while jogging.

“This is my new buddy! His name is Versace,” Puck says. “Me and him are gonna be BFFFLs! Best Fish Friends For Life! I’m not a fish, but it’s still chill, yo.”

“Yeah, you’re not cool, Puck,” says Elena. “Only cool people can listen to rap. Go listen to country or something. Gosh.”

“CAN WE NOT TALK WHILE I’M TRYING TO RUN?” Wolfgang yells, and sprints ahead of the rest of the group.

“I love how you try to resolve the problem by talking even more,” Helga says snidely. The other team members look at Helga, and she’s walking.

“HEY! Helga! Roz is gonna get uber-pissed if she sees that! Knock it off,” Julia says.

“What? She never said we couldn’t walk. Plus, I was in my school’s powerwalking club freshman year,” Helga says. “My mother tried to get me to do stuff other than reading, AKA sports. I joined the club that used ‘sports’ the most loosely.”

“Screw this, I am walking too,” Arthur says, as he stops running and slows down to Helga’s pace. Puck nods his head in agreement and stops as well.

“Wh-- wha-- but-- ugh, you guys are just afraid that people will see how unathletic you are,” Elena whines.

“Yeah. It’s not like you can run well either, what with those funbags weighing you down,” Julia scoffs.

“Hey, can you shut up with the boob jokes? Your guys’ jealousy is pretty hilarious, TBH,” says Elena.

“Aww, Elena, Julia is trying the breast she can,” Arthur says, trying extremely hard to not burst into laughter.

Trey says in the confessional, “I didn’t think they could get any worse. If I want to carry through with this strategy, there’s really only one person I can talk to…”

Layla and Veronica are shown somewhere in the forest. Layla is lazily walking, and Veronica is running slowly. “Come on, Layla, can’t you at least jog?”

“Nope,” Layla says condescendingly. “These flip-flops cost, like, a thousand bucks. There is no way I’m gonna wreck them just for some dumb challenge we’re probs gonna lose anyway.”

“Look, Layla, I’m sick and tired of your…” Veronica begins. “Never mind.” She keeps running.

Layla perks up. “...What was that?”

“Oh, nothing, I just find it kinda dumb how you force me to do stuff, and nobody else on the team,” Veronica says.

“But… you’re my new Charles! You even agreed!” says Layla, seeming sad.

“I really was just trying to appease you, Layla,” says Veronica. “I’m getting tired of it.”

“No, you’re just a living doormat,” scoffs Layla. “Get a personality or something. Hmph.” She gives Veronica a rude hand gesture, and skips away.

Veronica says in the confessional, “I really think that I should work on improving my social skills with the others… Despite Nic being creepy, I could easily get him to help me out with whatever. I just don’t wanna be called a doormat, man… although, I suppose it’s better than being called boring.”

Layla runs up to where Chrissy and Nic are, both of whom seem to be trying to outrun each other.

“Now do you believe that I’m all athletic and stuff?” says Nic, who’s about 0.0001 inches ahead of Chrissy.

“Nah,” says Chrissy apathetically. “...Oh, hey, Layla. Glad to see you here.”

“Yeah. Your sarcasm is funny,” Layla says. “NOT! So, like, I totally just told off Veronica. She has no friends now. How about we boot her tonight?”

“Are you really strategizing while we’re running in a challenge?” Chrissy says. “Not that I care, though. I’m barely tired at all.”

“Yes… Neither am I…” says Nic, who despite what he may be saying, seems extremely tired.

Chrissy says in the confessional, “Layla’s really unlikable. At the same time, she’s likable. I don’t know how that’s possible. Sometimes I want to punch her in the face, and sometimes I actually feel like she’s a decent human being… She’s spoiled, though. Like, I don’t know what prompted this sudden personality change between Tokyo and now, but… whatever. She irks me.”

“Man, I didn’t think physical activity would be this taxing,” says a faint voice.

“Estrella?! Where did you come from?” Chrissy says, turning around to see a sweaty Estrella.

“I don’t know, but I’m currently excreting about five gallons of sweat per second,” says Estrella.

“Yeah. Same,” Chrissy says, and she pulls off her shirt, revealing her sports bra. “Don’t even THINK about it.” She glares at Nic.

The finish line is shown. Roz is standing there, holding hands with Red, who’s holding a video camera in his other hand. “So then, he said he was gonna go visit his dying friend and left us at the ice cream store for a @#$%in’ hour and a half. Chapman was gone for an HOUR AND A HALF. Ugh, he’s such a weird dude, but I love him anyway,” Roz gushes.

“Hey. That’s awesome,” says Red, devoid of any emotion.

“Ugh, babe, you’re so boring todaaaay. Get a personality or s-- ooh, is that the contestants?” Roz looks at the forest, where a group of people is shown running out.

“I’m gonna go take a leak. Be back in five,” Red says coolly, and he vanishes into the forest.

Soon after, Flora and Layla come sprinting out of the forest. “RED! C’MERE! WE GOTTA VIDEO THIS TO SEE--” But, before Roz can finish yelling, the two cross the finish line at the same time.

“Yay, I won!” Flora says happily, jumping up and down.

“Um, boring girl, look at me. I won. Obviously,” Layla scoffs.

“Roz, did you see which one of us won? I wanna be fair,” says Flora, concerned.

“Pssh. I don’t. Um, I won, gurl. Deal with it,” Layla says rudely.

Roz turns over to them. “Ugh, guys, I’m sooo sorry. Red was takin’ a wazz, and of course I put him in charge of seeing who crossed the finish line first. I guess both teams are gonna go to elimination, then!”

“Aww, noodles-in-a-sack!” yells Layla.

“I’ve noticed that the noodles have been lately appearing in substantially larger containers,” Arthur says, walking up to the others. “Yo, Roz, did we win?”

“Nope!” says Roz cheerfully. “Double elimination! That’s cool, because I was startin’ to wonder when we were gonna have one of those. So, uh, go back to camp. Both teams have the cabin, since the Citrus Fruits are basically nonexistent and I’m nice. Bai!”

At the cabin, Chelsey is sitting on the couch and watching Nebraska Shore, unsurprisingly. Trey walks up to her and sits down.

“Hi, Trey, you should really think about using some hair gel or something,” says Chelsey, not looking away from the TV. “What sort of moping are you going to subject me to this time?”

“No, uh, I was actually gonna talk to you about something, I feel like I can trust you…” Trey says.

“Me, out of all people? Um, people don’t trust me, they’re usually just jealous of me. But seriously, what’s up?” says Chelsey.

“I’m gay, Chelsey…” Trey says quietly. “Oh, god, did Arthur hear that?”

Arthur peeks out from behind the couch. “Heeeere’s Johnny!” he says disturbingly. “Sandra, I find it dubious that you came out of the figurative ‘closet’ the same day as I conversed with Puck about people only liking that MyCircler because he was gay. But I won’t question your methods.”

“First of all, uh, where do you even get these nicknames…” says Trey. “Also, uh, I didn’t choose to be gay… It was a coincidence, I guess… I didn’t even hear your dumb conversation…”

“So that’s how it’s going to be,” says Arthur. He narrows his eyes. “I’ve got my eye on you, Santa.” He then waddles away.

“Trey, that’s soooo great! There are, like, 2 openly gay dudes at school. They’re actually twins. Who knew? But they have like a million PP just for having the balls to come out like that. I am really happy for you right now, like you have no idea!” Chelsey squeezes Trey tightly and squeals. Trey’s cheeks turn red.

“So, uh… Do you think of me any differently?” asks Trey, after a long silence.

“Um. I guess? Like, now I know why you’ve been acting kinda… different,” Chelsey says. “Were you struggling with it on Tiki? I TOTALLY understand.”

Julia, Helga, and Chrissy are shown up in the Ralphcake girls’ room.

“So, uh, guys. I feel REALLY sorry for you. Yeah, I got Nic on my team, but you guys have…” Chrissy shudders. “Arthur. And Puck. And Trey, too.”

“Next thing you know it, boom! Another tribe swap. Nic’s gonna come back over here, I bet. Why haven’t you gotten rid of his ribby ass anyway?” Julia grunts.

“Because she obviously has belligerent sexual tension with him,” says Helga without looking up from her book.

“Yeah, Helga, shut up,” says Julia. “It’s not like you don’t have sexual tension with Arthur. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

“Yeah, because I totally look at guys I like with the expression I use when I smell my mom’s casserole,” Helga says. “Seriously, that thing is a horror.”

“Mhm. Interesting. I don’t like Nic, sorry to burst your bubble, but yeah. He’s a creep,” says Chrissy.

“Uh, who are we booting?” says a voice from the corner. Estrella peeks out, once again.

“Jesus, Estrella, you need to start telling me when you’re in the same room as me,” says Chrissy. “But, uh… I really couldn’t care less. Veronica, I guess? Nic? I really don’t care anymore.”

Veronica is shown with Layla. “Uh, I’m surprised you haven’t asked me to get anything for you,” Veronica says.

“Ew. I don’t really need you to get me stuff anymore,” Layla grunts.

Elena is then shown walking up to Arthur and Puck, who is playing with Versace who’s now in a plastic bag filled with water. “Hi. You’re ugly and smell like peanuts, but I need to talk to you.”

“What is up?” Arthur says. “Need any tips to become even more plastic?”

“Nope. We’re booting Trey tonight. You hear me? I gotta go, I don’t want my social status to be ruined. But vote Trey, or else you’ll wake up tomorrow underwater,” threatens Elena.

“Matt? Aww, it’s so fun to say pointlessly rude things to him, though...” says Arthur “Yo, Cornelius. You up for booting him?”

“Hm?” Puck looks up. “Oh, yep. I’m feeding Versace Wolfie’s German truffles! Wolfie said earlier that nobody should touch them or he’ll break our arms, but that doesn’t apply to fish… I don’t think. Also, Elena, don’t ya have a ‘mance with Trey?”

“Ugh. I used to. That guy’s creepy,” Elena says. “Plus, he’s just gonna do more villainous crap, and he’s a REALLY bad kisser. So, yeah. Vote him.” She then walks away.

“Oh, did you know Trey is gay? Weird, right?” Arthur says, after Elena has left. “I do not care, though.”

“He is?! That explains his total flamboyant-ness! I was kinda wary when I found out I wasn’t the only straight guy who worshiped Bonjour Doggy… But that’s still cool,” Puck says. “Now I don’t wanna boot him! But he’s a douche, so I gotta, yo. Hang on, I gotta put Versace in the freezer. He’s lookin’ ill.”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown at elimination. “Hey, guys. Literally no idea where this vote is gonna go,” Roz says. “I’m sure you guys wanna know, so I’ll get to it! First seashell goes to Flora.” She tosses Flora a seashell.

“Helga, Puck, Julia, Chelsey,” says Roz, and the four get their seashells.

“Wolfgang, and sadly Arthur,” says Roz.

“Woot,” says Arthur as he grabs his seashell.

“Elena. Trey. You’re both unlikable, and kinda jerks. Who will survive? Find out in approximately ten seconds. Final seashell goes to…”

“Trey.” Trey catches his seashell and smiles faintly.

“Haha. Very funny. This is an overly long gag, can you just say you were kidding and give the seashell to me already?” Elena says.

“Nope, uh… you’re actually out, Elena. GTFO,” says Roz.

“WHAT?! Trey, we like had a showmance, you turd,” says Elena, and she slaps him in the face.

“Yeah, uh, Elena? Trey is gay. Sorry, gurl,” says Chelsey, and she waves goodbye to Elena evilly.

“WHAT?!” says Elena, again. “Uh, nice try, but I don’t believe it. Anyway, I’m glad I’m out. Don’t have to live with you guys anymore, and now everyone will mention me on those fan forums as being a robbed goddess, so HA! The joke’s on you, suckers. I’m out. Peace.”

Arthur makes a smug face and nods his head. Elena shoots him a rude gesture, and gets into the Boat of Losers.

“They were gunning for you, Father Xmas. I voted for you, but congrats on being a shrew who is able to escape elimination constantly,” Arthur says.

“Yeah, I wanna be alone right now…” says Trey meekly. The Ralphcakes walk away, and the Citrus Fruits walk in.

“Hi, guys! The Ralphies just voted someone out. That person will not be revealed to the public,” Roz says enigmatically.

“Uh, yeah, about that… We all can see that it’s Elena,” says Chrissy, pointing to the Boat of Losers where Elena sits sulking.

“Now, you all have voted, and…. ooh, this is juicy. Time to get to the vote! First seashell goes to Layla, congrats gurl!” She tosses a seashell to Layla.

“Estrella and Nic. Nice job!”

“Why are you being so oddly enthusiastic?” says Estrella. “Eh. I shouldn’t be complaining.”

“Veronica. Chrissy. Both of you are cool, but maybe a bit too cool? All right, the final seashell goes to…”

“Veronica!” Roz tosses Veronica her seashell.

“All right, uh, maybe I’m a threat or something? I’d like to see you guys’ reasoning for this,” scowls Chrissy.

“I swear, I did not do it…” says Nic, trying to hold back tears. “It was Layla and the demonesses. Chrissy, mi amor, I will always be a loyal dude…”

“Uh, Nic, you can drop the Alejandro thing, it’s gotten to the point where I’m really not impressed by it anymore,” says Chrissy.

“Yeah. Sorry, Chrissy, you’re a cool person, but we thought you could have ties to Julia and Helga due to talking to them so much… And we don’t want traitors!” says Veronica apologetically.

“Ever thought it was because I liked to talk to them and thought they were cool people?” says Chrissy angrily. “Meh. Back to being a vampire and spending most of my life on Fumblr, I guess. Bye.”

Nic follows her slowly as she walks to the Boat of Losers. Chrissy sighs. “Fine, but only to get you to stop being stalkerish. Although, it didn’t work last time…” She kisses him on the cheek for about half a second.

“Man, I will cherish that kiss forever! Thanks, Chrissy!” Nic rips off his shirt, kisses his biceps, then waves goodbye to Chrissy, who gets on the boat next to Elena.

“Your hair is ugly. Get rid of it,” Elena says, as the boat drives off into the sunset.

Chapter 11 - The Fast and the Foodious
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, I got lazy and made the contestants run in the woods. Heehee, I’m evil. But yeah, Puck got a new fish, Trey pretended to be gay, and Elena got reeeeally pissed. So they voted her out! Good riddance, she was really not that nice of a person. On the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits’ side, they had to vote someone out too due to my boyfriend being totally irresponsible. They voted out Chrissy due to her relationship with Julia and Helga. So, I feel like there’s gonna be a lot of juicy stuff happening today. And there’s only one way to find out what’s gonna happen! Tune in now to see it all, right here on Total… Drama… Superstar Showdown!”

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are seen walking back from elimination. Nic is rubbing his cheek, in awe.

“You know she just did that to appease you, right?” Estrella says.

“She knows she wants it,” says Nic, putting on sunglasses. “#NIC.”

Nic says in the confessional, “I just realized this. I’m on a tribe with many women. How have I not cared about that until now?! Yeah, Chrissy was sexy, but I gotta work my manly charms on all of the other ladies! This is gonna be super fun.”

“Yeah. Have fun with that. I’m going to sleep,” Estrella says, and she walks into the cabin.

“Where did she…” says Nic. He walks up next to Veronica. “Hello, Ronnie. I’m cold. Want to cuddle?” He winks at her.

“Uh, I guess… Hey, as long as you can get me away from Layla, I’m good,” whispers Veronica.

Nic and Veronica both lie down, and Nic puts his arm around her. Veronica looks at him warily.

Veronica says in the confessional, “Nic is a weird guy… He’s nicer than Layla, but I don’t know if he’s just putting on an act because he wants to date me. I’m not in the mood for that, really. I don’t really go for relationships, most dudes are douches or creeps, and Nic might actually fit into both of those categories.”

“Yeah, Nic, sorry. I don’t really want to cuddle right now, I’ll just-- wait, can’t we sleep in the cabin? Yeah, sorry,” says Veronica, and she walks into the cabin.

“Ah, well. She is in denial,” says Nic after Veronica has left.

Arthur is in the cabin, watching TV and eating from a large bag of chips, while Julia and Helga are sitting next to him.

“Ooh, the Citrus Fruits are comin’ in. Let’s see who got eliminated,” chuckles Arthur.

The Citrus Fruits walk through the door, and Julia notices that Chrissy is gone. “THOSE SCUMBAGS!” she yells.

“Hm?” Helga looks up from her book, which is called “The Positively False Diary of a Full-Time Native American”.

“Yeah. Look. Chrissy. She’s gone,” Julia snaps.

“Okay, you guys have literally no souls,” says Helga snidely. She then goes back to reading her book.

“That is a pity. I really did like Chrissy,” says Arthur. “Not just because of her ample chest area, I like a girl who could beat me up if I was naughty. My relationship with Chrissy is simply platonic.”

“Arthur, Chrissy has told me she wants to punch you in the groin numerous times. BTW, I feel the same way,” says Julia.

Puck and Wolfgang are sitting on the couch. Wolfgang is listening to metal music, while Puck is feeding Versace what looks like bread crumbs.

“Hey. You,” Wolfgang takes off his headphones. “Where are my German truffles? I was gonna eat some earlier and they were mysteriously gone.”

“Oh… Uh… They grew legs and walked away. Saw it happen. It was pretty weird, yo,” Puck says.

“DID YOU EAT THEM?!” roars Wolfgang. “My aunt got those for me while she was vacationing in Bavaria, and if you took them, I will DESTROY YOU!”

“Nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah!” says Puck. “Why would I do that? I’m your bro, Wolfie.”

Wolfgang makes an extremely loud grunting noise. “You wish.”

Wolfgang is shown in the confessional. “That guy is one step away from me throwing him into the ocean. I wish I could socialize with the other teammates. I wish I could socialize in general. But HE NEVER LEAVES ME ALONE.”

“So, Trey,” Chelsey says, on the ground sitting next to him. “Do you like rainbows and stuff? You kinda dress monochromically, for a gay man. Ohhhh, wait, are you still in the closet?”

“No…” says Trey. “I’m not flamboyant…”

“Oh. Okay. Uh, do you wear male make-up? I’m just curious, cause like…” says Chelsey.

“Chelsey. Don’t believe every gay stereotype,” says Trey angrily. He then goes back to his normally expressionless face.

“Umm, sorry?” Chelsey says. “Sorry. I was just trying to help. But if you’re gonna be a queen about it, then no.”

Trey says in the confessional, “Chelsey is actually a really obnoxious person. First of all, she’s completely believing my gay facade. Who does that? I mean, everyone on this team does… They’re really all morons. Glad to see nothing’s changed about them since I last played. Heh.”

“Hi, Trey! What’s up?” says Flora, walking over to Trey.

“Oh… Uh, the ceiling…” says Trey quietly.

“That’s cool,” grins Flora nicely. “I really like ceilings. Especially when they have good paint jobs on them, I think that’s cool.”

“Nice…” says Trey. “Uh, your hair is really straight…”

“Thanks! It’s natural,” says Flora. “People say it looks like beaver dung. I feel really sad about that, though.” She frowns.

“GUYS! COME QUICK!” yells a voice. “I gotta challenge for you already!”

“Looks like Roz is in trouble. Who cares? But we should go outside,” Helga says. “If only so we can get this cabin again, though. Lots of nice spots... For reading.”

Roz is shown outside. “Guys, we’re getting on a boat, time to go now!” She leads them to a boat.

“Whoooo! Swimmin’! Man, I wonder if Chappy will be on the boat?” Puck says.

The boat starts to move. “All right, in order to not waste time, I’m gonna tell you guys some stuff. We’re on a lake right now. We’re gonna go across this lake. There are cars, and you guys are gonna drive in them to get to your destination, which is Mickey D’s,” says Roz. Everyone groans. “What’s all the big fuss? I’m hungry. I want a Filet-o-Fish. That’s it. I DO NOT eat any meat other than fish, so if you get me something else, I’ll kill you!” She smiles sweetly.

“Man, I can’t eat fish! That’s cannib… oh, wait, fish are my natural diet… Uh, never mind,” says Puck.

“Also, get me a Caesar Salad. Those things are super good, even if their vegetables taste like plastic. And some fries, and a McFlurry. That’s about it. Oh, and be back by tonight or you automatically lose the challenge. Happy finding!” says Roz, just as the boat pulls up to the dock at the mainland.

“Uh, how are we supposed to get there?” says Flora.

“I dunno, maybe you could DRIVE?!” says Roz. “I’m sure one of yous has a license.”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes run over to a large van, which is parked there. “YES!” yells Wolfgang. “We’re finally hijacking a car from an innocent bystander! My day just got fifty times better.”

“Wolfie, check out Versace! He’s blowin’ bubbles!” says Puck. He presses the ziploc bag that contains Versace up to Wolfgang’s face, and Versace is doing absolutely nothing, just floating there.

“Uh, Puck, I don’t know if he’s… alive,” says Chelsey, getting into the driver’s seat. “Also, guys, I can drive. So, I’m gonna drive. Deal? Deal.”

“I call shotgun!” says Flora, getting into the front seat. “I really like looking out the window and seeing cute animals and stuff!”

“Yeah, cute DEAD animals,” growls Wolfgang. “Chelsey, you better not be a reckless driver. I don’t like dead stuff.”

Helga and Julia get in the middle seats. Helga takes out her book from earlier. “Don’t talk to me,” she scoffs, and starts to read. Julia grumbles something, and puts on her uPod and starts to listen to 1E.

Trey gets into the back left, and starts crossing his fingers. Arthur plops down next to him, and Wolfgang sits in the back right. “Dear GOD…” says Trey, as he slaps his forehead.

“Hey, Matt. Whatcha eatin’ under there?” Arthur says.

“Under where? HAW, HAW, HAW!” yells Puck obnoxiously. “Best. Joke. Ever!”

“Yeah, is that supposed to be funny? Because it really isn’t…” says Trey.

Puck walks up to the van. “Wait, whaaat? No seats left? Ah, well, gotta sit in the trunk.” He jumps into the trunk and lies down. “Seatbelts are for squares. But this ride is gonna be totes fun! I’ll call this car the Party Car(ty).”

“So totally hilarious,” says Julia.

Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are getting into their car. “I am driving,” says Nic. “Going to be a pretty fun ride.”

“All right, we can add driving to things Nic claims to be good at but is actually awful at!” says Estrella faux-enthusiastically. “Oh, and I’m in the front seat. No questions about it.”

“Awesome, that gives me time to put on this new facial cleanser I heard about online. Apparently it, like, does wonders to your skin and stuff,” says Layla. “And I’m NOT TALKING TO YOU.”

“Okay!” says Veronica.

The two get into the back seat, and Layla scoots as far away from Veronica as she possibly can.

Layla says in the confessional, “Veronica… She smells like dirt. I don’t like that. Eww, she needs to get a perm or something too, I hate curly ginger hair.”

The Hopalong Ralphcakes are driving. “Hey, uh, Chelsey?” says Flora. “Do we have a map to the restaurant?”

“Pssh, McDonald’s isn’t a restaurant. It’s a place where fat people become fatter people. But… oh, crap, we don’t have a map. UGHHHHH,” groans Chelsey.

“I wish there was something else that could work in place of a map. Like, I don’t know, is there maybe something on your phone that could do the trick?” Helga says sarcastically.

“Yeah. Where’s Cirie? Gotta talk to it,” Chelsey says. She reaches around for her phone. “WHERE IS MY PHONE.”

“I totally don’t have it,” says Arthur, looking dubious.

“Arthur, you take my phone, I take your HEAD,” says Chelsey. “Also, you automatically become a zero on the popularity scale. Give me my phone.”

“What’s the magic word?” asks Arthur obnoxiously.

“The magic word is, you’re gonna get voted off. Come ON, dude. I didn’t think you could become any less cool,” says Chelsey.

“JUST GIVE HER THE PHONE! MY EARS ARE HURTING!” yells Wolfgang.

“All right, fine,” says Arthur, He chucks the phone at Chelsey, and it hits the back of her seat and lands at Helga’s feet.

“Helga. Phone. Please?” says Chelsey.

“Okay, list five good reasons why I should give you the phone,” Helga says. “Good, valid reasons. If so, then you can get it.”

“Hmmm… I have really cool hair that a bunch of girls like. I’m pretty. I’ve got a nice tan. My grandma gave me that phone. And you’re totally jealous of my scarf,” says Chelsey. “Give me the phone, please.”

Helga grumbles something and gives Chelsey her phone. “Flora, I’m driving, unlock it for me.”

“Okay, I don’t have a uPhone, just one of those flip phones because my mom thinks uPhones have dirty things on them,” says Flora. “I’m sliding the button, but it says it’s been disabled for twenty-four hours? Why’s that?”

“ARTHUR!!” yells Chelsey. “When we get out of this car, you have no idea, dude.”

Arthur says in the confessional, “Harassing Chelsey wasn’t a great idea. Time to harass Crappy Restaurant and Julia now.”

The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown, pulling into the parking lot of McDonald’s. “See, I told you that I was a decent driver,” winks Nic.

“Yeah, but you’re still creepy. Now, uh, I’m staying in the car. Don’t want to risk turning into dust,” Estrella says.

“I totally second that,” says Layla. “I’m putting on this facial cleanser thing, and it’s totally crusty… Can’t go in public. The tabloids would totally freak out. But I would enjoy buying everything from the menu, I’ve got the cash for it.”

“Wait, why is anyone going inside? Aren’t we doing the drive-thru?” says Veronica.

“Ew, screw the drive-thru,” says Nic. “I am going inside. Tons of hot chiquitas in there.”

“Yeah, those morbidly obese 45-year olds. Mmm, so spicy, I can’t even handle it,” says Estrella dryly.

“Veronica, you’re coming in with me,” says Nic. Him and Veronica get out of the car and go inside.

The two walk into the “restaurant” and see, sure enough, many morbidly obese people. “All right, so she wanted what, a Filet-o-Fish, salad, fries, and McFlurry? Sounds good,” Veronica says. She walks up to the cashier. “Hi, can we get… Oh my god!”

Nic, who is staring at the women, turns around. “...Gary?!” he explains

Gary, who is dressed in a McDonald’s uniform and is behind the counter, looks at them. “Hey, guys! Wow, nice to see you here! I’ve been working here, got bored interning for Roz. Nic, bro! Cool to see you… wait, where’s Chrissy?”

“Eliminated,” says Veronica. “It was pretty hard for poor Nic here…”

“NOOOO!” weeps Gary. “Okay, be strong, Gary… Ugh, I’ll just get your stuff, then we can get out of here.”

“Wait, you are coming with? This car just got twenty times swaggier,” winks Nic.

“Of course I’m coming with! I hate this place,” says Gary. “The number of obese sweaty people here is over 9000!”

“Speaking of obese sweaty people…” says Veronica, who turns around and sees Hippo alone at a table, eating a McChicken and surfing Tumblr on a laptop. “Uh, I’ve never seen anyone eat one of those. Ever.”

“YES!” yells Hippo. “Hippocrates Smith, defeating the mainstream since 1980. My work here is done.” He throws the McChicken in the trash and walks out of McDonald’s with his laptop.

Gary comes back, with a bag containing the food. “Uh, hang on,” he says. He then yells to the kitchen. “CARL! I QUIT!” A loud swearing noise is heard, and Gary leaps over the counter and flings his uniform off. “Quick, let’s go!”

Gary, Nic, and Veronica run out of McDonald’s. They pile into the car and pull out of the driveway.

“Wait, what’s he doing he--” Estrella says. “No time to explain! Let’s go!” says Nic valiantly.

Layla is shown, with cucumber slices over her eyes. “Wait. What? I hear another voice. What’s going on? SOMEONE TELL ME, I DEMAND IT.”

“Is that chick the winner of Tokyo?” whispers Gary to Veronica. Veronica nods. “Didn’t she, like, reform or something?”

“Nope,” says Veronica sadly.

“Seriously, I’m still wondering why freaking Gary is in our car,” says Estrella. “Is this permanent?”

“Nah, I just need a ride. Gotta get out of that Mickey D’s, man! It really sucks!” says Gary. “Plus, Estrella, I always thought you were cool.”

“Kissing my ass is never the answer, my little friend,” says Estrella.

“I beg to differ!” says Gary.

Right as the Citrus Fruits leave, the Ralphcakes’ van pulls up to the McDonald’s drive-thru menu display. Arthur looks up and down at the various menu items. “Diabeetus,” he says.

“Man, this is my stuff! Chicken McNuggets, you know, my mom says I shouldn’t eat them or I’ll have trouble pooping. But I poop ice cubes, so that shouldn’t be a problem, right?” yells Puck from the back seat.

“I’m vegetarian, is there any meal on here that wouldn’t cause me to gain five hundred calories and become morbidly obese?” Wolfgang says snottily.

“Nope. Take it from an expert,” Arthur says, patting Wolfgang on the shoulder. “Oh, Chelsey, can we get some food for ourselves? I have some Benjamins.”

“Uh, I’m super hungry…” says Chelsey. “But if we fool around too much, we’ll lose. So, no.”

“Come on! I gotta go to the bathroom, and Versace is acting sad!” says Puck, glancing at his fish bag.

“You know what?!” yells Wolfgang. He snatches Versace’s bag away from Puck, opens the window, and chucks the bag into the street. A car then runs over it.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” says Puck in slow-motion.

Puck is shown in the confessional, weeping. “Versace… My best frieeeeend… Whyyyyyy…”

“Guys, shut up, I’m ordering,” whispers Chelsey loudly.

“Hi, what can I do for you?” says the voice over the speaker.

“Um, hi, I’d like a Filet-o-Fish, a Caesar Salad, some fries, and a McFlurry, please?” says Chelsey.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” says the voice.

“A Filet-o-Fish, a Caesar Salad, some fries, and a McFlurry,” repeats Chelsey.

“Sorry about this, it’s loud in here and I can barely hear you,” says the voice.

“WHY ARE YOU AT THE FREAKING SPEAKER JOB IF YOU CAN’T HEAR A WORD?! YOU NEED STRONG EARS!” yells Julia. “I swear, some people are JUST SO DUMB.”

“Okay, repeat what you were saying once more, I’ll get it this time,” says the speaker guy.

Chelsey repeats what she has said twice already. Once she’s done, Arthur yells, “AND TWO BIG MACS!”

Julia fumes with rage, and her face becomes extremely red. She takes out a water bottle and starts chugging it.

“Okay, fine. Uh, I guess we’re ordering for the others. Flora, wanna order?” Chelsey says.

Flora is sitting there, shaking. “Uh, you okay, Flora?” asks Chelsey.

“She’s having a panic attack…” says Trey. “She told me about it earlier… She gets all scared when it comes to ordering food…”

“I’m…” says Flora, her eyes really wide. “Okay, Flora, I’ll get some stuff for you later,” says Chelsey. She says to the speaker, “That’ll be all!”

“Thanks!” says the guy in the speaker. “Your food will be ready shortly.”

The van drives up to the next window, where an acne-ridden guy gives them their food. “Money, please?” he says.

“Uh, yeah, hang on…” says Chelsey. “Guys, I have no cash. Help me.” She searches through her purse, but finds nothing. “Do you guys accept credit card?”

“I’m sorry, we actually don’t…” says the guy. “Some random douche tried to make fake credit cards and created a black market to sell them on. So, we’re the only McDonald’s in the nation that doesn’t accept credit cards. Sorry about that, you’ll need cash!”

“I have a fifty-dollar bill…” says Trey.

Trey says in the confessional, “That was the only part of Julia’s money I managed to take… I didn’t want to give it up, but I kinda have to…”

Trey hands the bill to Chelsey, who gives it to the guy. The guy gives her the bag of food, and they are about to drive away.

“Wait! Guys! I’m finna go to the bathroom,” says Puck. “Wait for me! I swear, it’ll take five secs. Art, be my bathroom buddy?” Arthur nods, and the two get out of the car and run into McDonald’s.

“Glad to see great minds think alike,” says Arthur. “You’re not going to the bathroom, are you? You’re going to go and get some Giant Macs?”

“Whoa, dude, what’s a Giant Mac?” says Puck. “Seems intriguin’.”

“It is like a Big Mac. Only, there are FOUR patties instead of two. Instant bowel explosion,” says Arthur. “But it’s also--” His watch beeps, and he pulls out the red underwear.

“Oh, NO!” yells Puck.

They open the door, and see all the fat people. “Obeeeese people?” says Puber T. “Did you know that if you are fat as a child, you will possibly mature earlier? For fat people have tons of extra fat, that go in different--” Puck rushes up to the counter.

“Yo, do you guys carry ‘za?” he asks to the cashier. “Pizza? Y’know? Cheesy Italian stuff?”

“What do you think we are, an Italian place? Nope. We got awful, fatty, diabetes-causing food, and that’s it,” says the cashier.

“All right, I’ll get two Giant Macs! They’re like Big Macs… but giant!” says Puck loudly.

“Sounds okay,” says the person dubiously. “I’ll place an order, what are you guys’ names?”

“Tyrone Velaquess,” says Puck, and he starts to snicker. He yanks the underwear off of Puber T’s head, and Arthur then says, “My name is Harry Richards.”

“Tyrone, hurry up!” says a slightly nasally voice behind Puck and Arthur. They swiftly turn around.

The other Ralphcakes are shown in the car. “It’s EXTREMELY hot in here,” says Wolfgang.

“Yeah. The air conditioning broke,” snaps Julia. “Because we decided to take the CRAPPY car. Of course. Can we at listen to 1E or something on the radio? Flora, nobody even likes classical music.”

“I do!” says Flora. “Chelsey does, too. And I think Wolfgang.”

“I do,” says Helga. She then goes back to reading her book and not talking.

“Classical is for STUFFY OLD MEN!” yells Julia. She pounces onto Flora’s lap and tries to change the radio. “Seriously, I need my 1E!”

“Aww, Julia, can’t--” Flora begins. She turns around and looks out the window to see three figures coming out from McDonald’s - Arthur, and Puck, who seems to be making out with someone with long, curly red hair.

“Oh my god, Puck. I like really love your new pistachio-colored hair. It totally fits a sexy stud like you,” says Casey, letting go of him for a second.

“My ice cube, man! I still can’t get over how I saw you in a random Mickey D’s somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Thought you were still in Japan!” says Puck.

“Yeah. No. A sumo wrestler tried to f--” Casey looks into the car, and sees the driver. “OH. MY. GOD.”

“Oh, great,” say Wolfgang and Chelsey simultaneously.

“IVDTJDGKDKDFTYJEXJRYB LW;E;,YNMERKNSEKBR R,C./E.B,OITYONSRU QIYWIW83NY RKUSUYNBHKUYREM,SNI,” says Casey. She runs up to Chelsey and begins making kiss marks on the window.

“..Who are you?” says Chelsey.

“Are you kidding me?! We’ve met before! Remember, in Tokyo? I was that really pretty girl you met?” says Casey, breathing heavily.

“Oh. Yeah. Casey. Hi, there,” says Chelsey. “Thought I’d never see you again. Still unpo-- I mean, weird? Yeah, whatever. Guys, we have to go, we’re running late.”

“Flora. Get out of the front seat, I’m sitting there,” says Casey forcefully. “Gotta be near Chel.”

“Wait, Case, don’tcha wanna sit in the back with me? We can share Giant Macs and make out!” says Puck.

“Uh, Puck, about that… We can make out at home whenever we want. Seeing Chelsey is a ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY,” snarls Casey.

Puck says in the confessional, “I’m livid! Casey doesn’t wanna spend time with me? Did I do somethin’ again? We’ve barely even been dating for a month, man. Ah, well, I guess I can talk to Wolfie more.”

The car pulls out of the McDonald’s parking lot and starts driving back to Roz. Riley Ghetsis is blaring on the radio.

“Ugh, I hate Riley, she’s trying to make twerking cool, when it isn’t. Change the station,” whines Casey.

“B-b-but… Twerking IS cool!” says Puck from the back seat.

“No, it isn’t. Also, her ugly new haircut makes her look like a MeanLesbian,” says Casey. “So, can we change the radio?”

“Um, I actually like Riley Ghetsis. She’s saying that she doesn’t mind being herself, you go gurl,” says Chelsey.

“...All right, we’re keeping Riley on the radio!” says Casey quickly. Wolfgang facepalms.

The song continues to play. “Oh, how I love the sound of pure auto-tune,” says Helga.

“Shaddap,” says Julia. “1E uses auto-tune. It’s only to fix their vocals, though. If they weren’t toned down, they’d destroy everyone’s ears ‘cause they’re so good. True story.”

“Ugh, dumb boy bands, pandering to teen girls like you,” grunts Wolfgang. “They’re not even hot.”

“Bleh…” says Puck, sitting in the back seat. “I feel so stuffed. Those truffles that I ate after feedin’ Versace really filled me up, and that burger too.”

“You WHAT?!” yells Wolfgang. “YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T FEED THEM T-T-T-T…”

“Oh! Man, Wolfie! It’s not what it looks like, I swear! It’s just that I was running out of food, and…” Puck says. Wolfgang slaps him in the face, then puts on his heavy metal music and doesn’t talk.

“Drama!” exclaims Casey.

The car finally pulls up to Roz, right by the boat’s dock. The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are already there, and Roz is eating her food. “Howdy!” she says. “The Fruits here just treated me to a nice meal. And… Wait, wuuut? Casey?!”

“Ooooh. Hi, Roz,” says Casey. “Just hitched a ride with Puckie and the beautiful goddess Chelsey. What’s up with you?”

“Man, it’s been a while. Still pumped that you decided to help me in th’ final challenge--” begins Roz. Gary then walks out of a nearby bathroom.

“Hey, did the team I was driving with win?” says Gary.

“GARY!” says Roz. “Yep, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits win immunity, and you’re now a member of their team!”

“WHAT?!” pretty much everyone says simultaneously.

“I was discussin’ somethin’ with Chef and the producers. We strategically placed Gary and Casey around the Mickey D’s, knowing that they had relationships with the two teams. So, we knew you guys would pick ‘em up and transport ‘em here, and we said the first team to get back would win their transportee a spot on the team!” says Roz.

“Aw, NUTS!” says Casey. “I love you, Chelsey! ...Bye, Puck.” She runs up to a pink motorcycle, puts on a helmet, and disappears.

“Whoo! I’m in the game!” says Gary. “This is pretty sweet… uh, what do I do now?”

“Go back to th’ cabin,” says Roz. “You’re safe tonight, luckily.” Gary gives her a thumbs-up, and the Citrus Fruits get on the boat. “As for the Ralphcakes, do whatever you want with that food, but one of you is going home tonight. Bye!” The Ralphcakes get onto the boat as well, and it chugs off into the sunset.

“I’m voting Wolfgang. The guy’s too dangerous,” Trey says to Puck. “I know you like him, but he’s not an ally of yours. He hates you. Take it from a professional.” Puck shakes his head.

Puck says in the confessional, “Man, I can’t get rid of Wolfie tonight! I mean, yeah, he snapped at me an infinite amount of times, but he’s a great dude and I’m sure he’s just tryin’ to be nice! Aww, I’ll miss the guy. Trey’s a cool ice cube, though, and I can trust him. Though I’m kinda dubious that he randomly stopped using PJs after every sentence…”

The scene changes to night, right before the elimination. Wolfgang is shown sitting alone on the beach right by the team's cabin. He is playing in the sand with a stick, and gathering seashells while sitting on a big rock.

Flora peeks out from the cabin and yells to him. "Hey, Wolfgang! Where have you been? The elimination starts in, like, five minutes. Come on over here!"

"I'll be right there," Wolfgang yells back to Flora. She gives him a thumbs-up, and then walks away.

Helga suddenly walks up to Wolfgang. "Oh. Hi. What are you doing? Did you know we’re gonna be at elimination in like a second?”

"Ugh," says Wolfgang. "I need to be left alone right now, okay? I despise everyone else, I'm just having some down time. Why are you here?"

"Oh, me? I'm just taking a long walk on the beach. You know, it isn't easy being sarcastic and rude all the time," Helga sits down next to Wolfgang. "I know that my personality gives me a lot of fans and whatnot, but sometimes I wish I could just have friends. I wish I could return to being that sweet girl from School. Being boring is better than being universally hated..."

"That's my issue," states Wolfgang. "Everyone else hates me, since I'm not social, I yell a lot, and all I do is get angry with others. Like, you know Puck? I’m sure he means no harm, but I just don’t like him at ALL, and I express that in… strange ways. Plus, I have another thing. I really like little kids. That sounds creepy, I know, but I think I would be a really good camp counselor or something."

"Well, being a camp counselor isn't all that, you know. You could end up being as boring as ," chuckles Helga.

Wolfgang laughs weakly. "I just wish I could say hello to children without my face making them cry..." he says solemnly. "You know, I'm actually pretty nice if you get to know me, and if you don't piss me off like Puck. I think.”

"What's with you and Puck? You seem to have this giant grudge against him, when he hasn’t done much except exist," Helga asks. "If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"I honestly don't know. He just annoys the crap out of me for no reason at all... I just hated him back in Japan. He reminded me of this one annoying neighbor I had back at home... Wait, come to think of it, he was the same annoying neighbor," Wolfgang growls. "That little--"

"No, don't get mad," says Helga. "But, I get what you're saying. Man, I wish we were on the same team. I love this conversation, honestly I think I've gotten to know you so much better. Before, you were the angry, groin-kicking, antisocial, violent guy. Now you're actually... nice. I never thought I'd feel this way about a person. What is this feeling?"

"Hey. It’s called friendship, or something else," Wolfgang says. "Heh."

"...Really?" Helga looks shocked. "Wait, uh... Yeah, I get what you're saying. Ha, that's kind of funny."

Wolfgang looks at Helga, and she looks back at him. They begin to kiss semi-awkwardly.

After a few seconds, Wolfgang says, "Hey. We should probably get to the elimination ceremony before Roz verbally rips us both a new asshole. Let’s go.” The two walk away from the beach and down to the elimination ceremony.

Helga says in the confessional, "Ugh, I'm so stupid! First I let my feelings out on international television, then I kiss the guy? What just happened to me? His lips kind of tasted like wienerschnitzel… Heck, I won't be surprised if I get voted out tonight. But the dude is kind of intriguing... Eh, I'll still be sarcastic, and he'll still be antisocial. What happens after that, I have no idea..."

Roz is shown with the Ralphcakes at elimination. “Can’t wait to get to this vote. Anyway, uh, Arthur, Chelsey. You two are safe!” She tosses the two seashells.

“Yep,” says Arthur. Chelsey flashes him a mean look.

“Trey. Julia. Uh, Flora,” says Roz. She tosses the three seashells.

Helga is shown reading. “Helga,” she says, and gives Helga a seashell. “Excellent,” says Helga.

“Wolfgang. Puck. Hehe, punny names. One of you’s out tonight. Who’s it gonna be? Final seashell goes to…”

“Wolfie.” She tosses him a seashell.

“Awwwwwwwwwwww,” says Puck for a very long time. “That’s jank. Wolfie, you did this, right? Never knew a dude could get so pissed for another dude eatin’ his truffles. But, uh, I’m out.”

Wolfgang sits there with a blank expression on his face, almost wistful-looking. He then looks at Helga and smiles slightly.

“It was fun! Roz, you gotta let me return for a third time! Maybe even introduce a buncha new players and have me return, then rig the game for me. Just gotta get some money, man. See ya!” Puck says, and he skips to the boat, where Casey is.

“CRAP!” yells Casey. “I was hoping for Chel… oooh, Corn, you look super sexy in the moonlight, I love how it lights up against your face.” She leans in and makes out with him. Puck, gasping for air, manages to give a thumbs-up to the rest of the Ralphcakes.

“I haven’t seen anything more dramatic than those last few minutes!” says Roz. “Tune in for more shocking events on Total… Drama… Superstar Showdown!”

Trivia
There are spoilers in this section, obviously, so I'd advise you to read the chapters before you read this section. Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9
 * This season was originally hosted by Gary, and had a drastically different cast. Some characters' designs were changed, and some were added in or taken out at the last minute. The number of contestants was also changed from 20 to 22.
 * The title of this season was originally "Total Drama Superstars." I decided to change it to a longer title because it sounded cooler, and it was fitting for the most intense season.
 * This will most likely be the last season of my canon, so I decided to end it with an all-stars season with my most popular characters.
 * Arthur's "Puber T" persona was inspired by this book that my parents got me a while ago, called "It's Perfectly Normal" that... basically talked about puberty, and one of the drawings showed an adolescent kid talking to an older-looking guy with a shirt, just like Arthur's, that said "Puber T".
 * Roz (and Wolfgang, in a later chapter) laughing like "Shauhsuahsauhshua" is a reference to a way Brazilians laugh on various social networking sites.
 * I love writing for Chelsey this time, she is basically just a parody of every sort of stuck-up, teen queen girl in media. The PP thing was based on something she said in the first chapter of Revolution, but it was never really expanded upon until now.
 * Wolfgang's description of Chelsey's sister is based on conversations my sister and I have had about girls at her school.
 * Elena was changed extremely drastically mostly because I like the person she's based on far less than I did when Tiki Jungle was being written, it kind of started in her boot episode that time.
 * Deadward Sullen is an obvious parody of Edward Cullen, and in my opinion, one of my funniest parodies.
 * The Enigmatic Benedick Organization is based on the Mysterious Benedict Society, one of my favorite book series.
 * Arthur references "Christian Your Mother", which is what Chrissy said her last name was in Tiki Jungle.
 * "Vas happenin'" is apparently a Zayn Malik quote, who Nic's new drawing kind of resembles.
 * Julia mentions Louie and Larry, two of One Erection's members.
 * The "Swagged Out Citrus Fruits" is based on a cooking group that people in my 7th grade foods class had, which was actually called the Tricked Out Citrus Friuts (typo) but that reminded me too much of Trick, and with the gangstas being on that team, I felt Swagged Out would be funnier.
 * I have no idea what a ralphcake is, I just made it up, and "hopalong" is a favorite word of mine, as well as being Claude from Animal Crossing's catchphrase. Coincidentally, both characters based on Animal Crossing villagers are on that team.
 * The title is a really bad pun on the phrase "school of hard knocks" and the location Fort Knox.
 * Zayn Malik actually did delete his Twitter at one time because people harassed him. It was back up in a couple hours, though.
 * Skilletz is a reference to Skrillex, the infamous "musician". It's also a reference to the fact that the real PJ listens to some band called "Skillet", and I thought Skillet and Skrillex were the same person.
 * With Julia mentioning Leeyum, all of the members of One Erection have been mentioned: Larry Fashions, Leeyum Pain, Zane Alik, Nile Horne, and Louie Westmanlinson.
 * Bruno, the guy who Chelsey was texted by, is a reference to... Manatee12!
 * Rack City is a horrible "rap" song that doesn't deserve to be music, AKA the exact music Devin listens to.
 * Chrissy's hipster line is based on something that I think the real Aubrey said on some social network.
 * Arthur's "I sit on you" line alludes to a sketch from the show, Tim & Eric Awesome Show.
 * Ori was eliminated because I had no ideas whatsoever for him, and the Devin/Ori plot would get old after a while.
 * Wolfgang yelling "I AM BEHIND YOU!" comes from the picture quote of Butch, a character in Animal Crossing who has the same personality as Wolfgang.
 * The little tourist-y town is based on Cannon Beach, Oregon, which is a couple hours from where relatives of mine live.
 * This was one of my favorite challenges to write, mostly because there were barely any action scenes and it was mostly interactions.
 * Gertrude Flabberman, the name on Roz's phone, became a wiki meme for some users and has been a character in roleplays and now my Survivor story.
 * The Vulture Chronicles is probably the first Helga book that isn't a parody. I basically modeled the plot after random teen drama fantasy books.
 * I actually used to pronounce lingerie as "ling-er-ee"... until I took French.
 * Once again, Devin sings a horrible rap song that doesn't deserve to be music, namely "Snapbacks and Tattoos" by some obscure rapper I can't remember the name of.
 * games. is obviously a parody of fun., and The Calves a parody of the Shins. Sheepyay is a parody of Gotye, and the song mentioned is Somebody That I Used To Know.
 * PJ was one of the most popular characters, but I had no ideas for her and "..." would get old very quickly if I kept her in.
 * The Fire Truck Game is a game one of my friends taught me a while ago. It seemed perfect for Arthur.
 * The Kavren scene was written back when Gangnam Style was huge, but I took a huge break between that part and the rest of the chapter.
 * Arthur's reasons why he hates Uncle Arturo are based on something one of the strange girls in my language arts class was talking about. (Minus a few, of course. See if you can guess.)
 * "Mr. Jiggles" is something that a character used to call another character in a comic book I own.
 * One Direction teddy bears actually exist, I think. I saw some Justin Bieber ones in a store and was inspired.
 * Layla's "I am NOT a hobo" line wasn't meant to be a reference to anything, but Mana pointed the resemblance to a Marina song, and it definitely fits.
 * Arthur is dressed as RC Saint-Amour from Survivor, who I was in love with at the time.
 * Tolkien is shown lip-syncing to "Good Time" by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen, which was some unfunny meme a while ago on chat.
 * Elena's whining about her exchange student, complete with the parmesan spice line, is from a real conversation that I overheard.
 * "NYARGLEBARGLE!", the phrase Smoothie Guy yells, is a phrase that Bowser Jr. yells in Paper Mario: Sticker Star.
 * It is unknown how Smoothie Guy knows who JERealize is.
 * Another Gangnam Style joke appears, this one was completely random and I have no idea why I included it.
 * The title is based on generic wrestling match names. Poetry Slam Dunk was originally going to be the title, but I realized that Sprink already had a chapter in one of his stories called that.
 * I've been wanting Arthur to mention the phrase "rustle one's jimmies" for a while now, and I'm glad I included it. Harry Richards is... an immature joke.
 * The Adventures of Puckleberry Jake, the book Helga reads, is an obvious parody of the book Huckleberry Finn.
 * Brick Boss is a reference to the rapper Rick Ross.
 * Thanks to Mana for helping me come up with the team swap idea, when I was talking to him in PM about running out of ideas for writing. The team swap was mostly created to make new interactions, mostly Arthur/Julia, Layla/Veronica and Nic/Chrissy.
 * When writing Trey's "my life is like a fart" line, I completely forgot that Wolfgang said it after being eliminated in Total Drama Tokyo. Adding Wolfgang's line made it funnier.
 * Lizza was originally going to compete, still with a changed personality, but since I took her out, I decided to give her a cameo.
 * Red is a reference to the boyfriend of Roz's namesake. His real name is... another color, and his description matches.
 * Hippo and Polonium's names come from trolls on Survivor Sucks. Hippo's design is based on Pendleton Ward (the creator of Adventure Time) and Polo's is based on a drawing one of my friends did of a hipster.
 * Devin says "hell breezy", which is kind of a wiki meme said whenever someone says "I'm done", referencing a horrible song by Chris Brown.
 * Elena's "Oh-em-eff-goddess" line is a reference to one of the aforementioned trolls on Sucks' sockpuppets, known as "OMFG.oddess".
 * The thing that Wolfgang says after being woken up alludes to Rasputin's death. (at least in urban legends)
 * Estrella's "Who?" line is based on a Survivor meme about someone who I have no idea who they are.
 * Layla is shown to be included in tabloids because she's a very famous figure in media, for doing nothing, similar to Paris Hilton.
 * I eliminated Devin because he was boring to write for, and was just like Ori.
 * Adolescent Giants is a (horrible) reference to Teen Titans, which people on Tumblr seem to be obsessed with.
 * Puck's "You're a weirdo, Wolfie!" line is a direct quote from the Epic Rap Battle of History, Skrillex vs Mozart.
 * In addition, Puck saying "hilar" was based on a conversation on chat (that I have screenshotted for some reason) where someone (TBTDIF, I think) said "does anyone say hilar?" and Mana and I said "Puck" simultaneously.
 * GERecognize is an obvious reference to JERealize, which is strange because Smoothie Guy directly referenced him in an earlier chapter.
 * The book Helga is reading is a parody of "Swim The Fly", one of my favorite books.
 * Arthur's porn line is a reference to Avenue Q.
 * The skit challenge was going to be a chapter earlier, because Kavren's elimination was originally one chapter earlier.
 * Julia's username actually exists. I deny everything.
 * The song Arthur sings is a song by Marina and the Diamonds, my favorite singer, called "The State of Dreaming".
 * Alex's name in the skit is a combination of all five Russian people in an Epic Rap Battle of History.
 * I got the idea of One Rejection from a picture I drew last summer with five of my male characters dressed as 1D, but I had to make some changes to the line-up, since Nic and Alex were on the other team.
 * The Portuguese segment of the song that Arthur sings is a reference to Nissim Ourfali's hit single "Bar Mitzvah", a Chat meme.
 * Helga's second book is such an obvious reference that I don't even feel like explaining it.
 * Kavren originally got extremely far, like to the final seven. He wasn't very well-liked by Mana, though, and I felt like Arthur should have more interactions with others such as Julia, plus I had a really hard time writing for Kavren this time.
 * I had a really hard time coming up with a bad pun for the chapter title, so I just used a crappy alliteration.
 * Chelsey talking about "Smellena" comes from a conversation in an early episode of Drake & Josh, where Josh tried to convince Drake that his girlfriend liked Josh.
 * Puck references another Marina song, this one being Power & Control, and finally makes a reference to Oceania & The Pearls, who is obviously based on Marina.
 * The person Julia is based on actually does have a friend who looks a lot like Arthur, but it's (obviously) not him.
 * The challenge this chapter is a challenge from Survivor, due to me being lazy.
 * Yes, someone finally twerks in this chapter, it had to happen eventually. Obviously, Puck was the one to do it.
 * Nic singing "Whistle baby" is a reference to the sockpuppet Fann Y Fiction the BiggestdbagbesidesJake, who would come onto chat and sing that song.
 * Katie Downton is an obvious reference to the swimsuit model Kate Upton, who is known for taking seductive pictures with very little clothes on usually on beaches.
 * I felt really bad eliminating MacKenzie this early, but she's really just not fit for my types of stories, and I didn't want to keep her in and make her completely invisible, she was also the member of the "boring" three who I didn't have any plots for.
 * I didn't want to make an awful fishing pun, and had no ideas whatsoever on what to name the chapter, so I went with The Generic Fishing Chapter.
 * The Chelsey/Wolfgang popularity scene was actually written about a month before the rest of the chapter, during one of the free write sessions at a writing camp I went to.
 * Elena's dead rat line is a reference to Sammy the Dead Rat, a "character" from the book Sideways Stories from Wayside School.
 * Dogfish is an obvious reference to Catfish, and the scene about that was written when BB said he was watching Catfish on chat.
 * Big Dwayne and Head Nedd are references to Lil Wayne and Chief Keef, two of the worst rappers in the music industry right now.
 * I was going to do a fishing challenge the chapter before, but didn't because Bruno had just released a chapter of Total Drama: Paradise Falls featuring a fishing challenge, so I pushed it back one chapter.
 * Arthur calling Trey "Matt" was a complete accident, and was written because I was thinking about EnTrey, whose name happens to be Matt. I kept in the line because it was pretty hilarious.
 * Arthur calling himself "The Douche" is a reference to a character of the same name in various mini Survivor fics that I've made.
 * Puck saying "Just getting swole" is something that once again, nobody on earth says.
 * Zane and Perry are references to Zayn Malik and his alleged relationship with Perrie Edwards, one of the singers of the "female equivalent" of One Direction, Little Mix.
 * I didn't really like Trick or Alex, but I needed Trick for a couple more things, and Alex didn't really bring anything to the story.
 * The chapter title is a horrible play on one of the Beatles' songs, All You Need Is Love.
 * Nic saying "swaggy" is an obvious reference to Justin Bieber's use of the "word" in his infamous song, Boyfriend. Also, the fact that I saw someone on Tumblr say it while I was writing the chapter didn't help.
 * Estrella's "NYAAAH" scene is a reference to a short video Elizabeth Gillies posted on Instagram, of her singing a line from the song "Blurred Lines" and unexpectedly screeching extremely loudly.
 * Puck blowing a vuvuzela in Wolfgang's face was inspired by me seeing a vuvuzela in some public place. This was also a completely useless trivia point.
 * The fact that Chelsey watches Teen Wolf, and has a crush on the main character, is based on the fact that quite a few of the girls I know are very... vocal about their love for the show and the actors.
 * I decided to make Arthur sing Mowgli's Road because Chelsey saying "who are you to tell me" reminded me of Hypocrates, another song by Marina, and while thinking about Marina, I felt like doing that.
 * The book Helga reads is a parody of The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
 * The love note challenge was planned from the very first draft of TDSS, but it wasn't a challenge at first, simply a cutscene after the challenge. I had no ideas for a challenge, though, and wanted interactions, so...
 * Chef's scene was added completely because I felt like I hadn't been including him enough at all.
 * Julia's "conked in the noggin" line is taken directly from yet another thing I wrote at the writing camp I went to. In fact, the character who said the line was originally meant to be Julia.
 * The Hopalong Ralphcakes lost the challenge, but I literally had no idea who to eliminate, because everybody needed at least one more chapter to wrap up their plot. The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits giving up immunity was inspired by Manono's giving up immunity in episode four of Survivor: One World.
 * Once again, Arthur's tampon story was written at the writing camp I went to. It's also based on a true story, but obviously I took some artistic liberties.
 * Charles's lavish lifestyle is implied to be a result of him winning the money from Total Drama Tokyo, to all the people who didn't guess.
 * Trick's elimination was meant to be obvious, but as explained earlier, I had nobody else to eliminate, and he was generally disliked by readers.
 * Due to Trick's elimination, Chelsey is now the highest-placing character from Total Drama Revolution. I didn't mean to eliminate them all early, it was pretty much coincidental.