User blog:GoldenAgeUser/Bocaj's Final Adieu

I was twelve or thirteen when I joined Wikia --- now I'm seventeen and a lot has changed. I went by many aliases on here, but mostly just Bocaj, TheDrama, and Jacob. I experienced a lot of nerdy internet drama. QOS trolling the Wiki, pouring my heart out to a select few users on Chatango and them doing the same, writing ill fated stories that reflected the young depression I had been experiencing, dreaming of becoming an admin, and now occasionally returning to reminisce. I don't intend to do that anymore, though, as is reflected by me having to write this under an alternate account because I already deactivated Bocaj910 a year ago.

I'll never forget all of you I knew who will see this, and those who have gone before and after me that never will. With some of you, I developed the first interpersonal relationships that I've ever had. Outside of my family, I never talked to anyone. I was an anxious, quiet mess at school who said maybe two words but harshly criticized himself every second because I knew I was gay, and I couldn't do anything about. I'm not saying either way that all of the relationships I had with y'all were healthy. In fact, some of those who aren't active anymore further promoted the dangerous mental torture I used to subject myself to, but I had a dialogue. I knew people who were like me. And I can't blame all of them. Most of them were near my age, and we saw each other mature in whatever way it could have been possible through some fanfiction site.

I nearly killed myself successfully last October, and since then I've undergone constant reflection. My main interest now is linguistics, and studying languages has helped me push away those old problems that affected me so much. And because of this I have to officially say goodbye to this place, because, although it brought with me so many lessons, it also remains as a remainder of what all of my pubescent life up until recently has been. Certain things are left appreciated one final time and laid to rest, and I have to do this. This may seem romantic and melodramatic, or pretentious, but those adjectives are kind of just an omnipresence in my life. They don't define me, but they're certainly characteristic of myself, especially my prose. I can't simply let some remnant of myself remain on the internet, and although traces of oneself are impossible to completely get rid of, I want to at least make a few requests.

I'd like for my account on here to be deleted. This includes my talk pages, blogs, TheDrama, and any other possible candidate for deletion. It's what I'm most comfortable with. After a week I'd like for this account and blog to be deleted as well. I don't know exactly how Wikia works, but whatever is in the local admins' power, I respectfully ask to have these things done.

I'm happier right now than I've ever been. I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life (ALL of my life) that I can truly experience joy. These days lately have been better than childhood even, and I hope that all of you have great lives as well. If you find yourself in the same position as myself one day, please just remember that I care and most importantly that you are worth it.

Hasta una otra vida.