User blog:Bocaj910/I'm Back... Maybe... Possibly... A New Beginning!... Maybe... Possibly

Well, here I am. Bocaj in the flesh. Revived? Maybe so. Maybe not. I miss you guys all so much --- you'll always be in my heart --- but there's some things I have to explain.

#1: Dial-up
Why was I gone? Why did I return just to disappear with no explanation? One main, vital reason would be dial-up. The accursed dial-up. This bloody format is intended for hi-speed internet connections, it seems, and that's just something I can't afford/acquire. But is impatience really a good excuse to simply leave and come back again and then leave and come back again etc? No.

#2: Insurmountable Redemption
When I first joined this diverse community, I started one lamely written, comedic story of two-dimensional characters. Then, as I grew, I started another, more serious story, with plenty of whimsical elements. Then came the cancellation of that story, and a prolonged hiatus of the other. So, I started a serious, controversial, inappropriate story of emotions and themes I was too immature to process in a sensible way. I hated that. So I restarted the other, wholly comedic story. Then I started the sequel of it. Then I remastered the first comedic story. But I was still in charge of the serious story. And I had many collaboration stories. And I had my own life to attend to. Do these sentence fragments sound overwhelming? They were for me. I had a horrible reputation of leaving, lying, and offending, so I left.

#3: Fear of Furious Friends
Would you all be angry if I returned ''again again? ''Are you angry? This was one thing I always was anxious about. I refused to even look up TDI, for fear that my silly premonitions of being reprimanded would take form.

#4: Did Anyone Really Care?
Now, looking back, I considered myself a B-list Wikian. Honestly, I hated being in the middle. I'd rather be an outcast or a superstar on here rather than the neutral one. It brought up the inquire... Did anyone actually care? Was anyone really interested in reading my work, or would they just skim and proclaim, "That chapter was epic!" Of course, that's a hypocritical thing to say. I've skimmed. I've meekly criticized. I know people cared about me, but what about my writing?

#5: Lack of Interest
Something very ironic about this era of my youth... I was always one to type by the "age is but a number" philosophy. As time went by, I matured. More and more. I disciplined myself cruelly and melodramatically. I can recall nights of beating my head against the wall for leaving the wiki or taking on a false alias (hence The Drama). I matured more and more and more to the point where I pretty much was... over-matured. I lost my naivety. I lost my wondrous spirit whenever I read all of your stories. I was grown, but yet I was one of the youngest users on here. I wanted to pursue more serious literature, and write more deep poems and novelettes. I hated myself so much because of this. I want to be naive again. I just wanted to be a child. It's so ironic, isn't it?

Well... those are my pathetic excuses for my absence. I love all of you guys, more than you could ever imagine, and it's because of that love that I decided to bring some justice to my cowardly acts of overbearing amity.