User blog:CamperThirteen/Melancholy sucks

Okay, I'm not one to feel sorry for myself, but I just needed to get this off my chest. Do bear in mind that this is a whiny entry regarding my personal life, so if you don't like that sort of thing or whatever, don't read. Also, if you do read, you don't really have to reply if you don't know what to say. ;)

So. I just... I don't know why I feel this way, but I do. Everything's working out perfectly in my life -- I passed the test, I can go to college, I have lots of free time and not a care in the world -- and yet I feel so empty. I ran into a couple of friends today, and they asked me what I was up to and told me a bunch of things I didn't know about them. I suppose it's my fault for not staying in touch, but it's not like they called me either. And I dunno, I don't like feeling this way, even though I should be used to it by now. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. Do I push people away? Or have I just made all the wrong choices when it comes to friendship? To which my rational self replies, "Obviously you are doing something wrong, if this has been going on all your life," and then... I don't know. I really am the sort of person who is not very sociable and doesn't require lots of friends or a busy social life to be happy, but this solitude is waring me down. In a sense it was self-imposed; things were going badly in my circle of friends, and everyone basically advised me to get away. My other friends were busy with work or college, and so I didn't hear much from them. It still feels like it's my fault for never making any attempt to contact them, though.

I'm not sure what exactly is that's upsetting me right now, all I know is that I don't like it. I hate feeling down. I never allow myself to feel that way, so maybe that's the problem? I do have a tendency to deny anything's wrong until I can't bear it anymore and I explode.

I even feel bad for feeling bad, because I don't really have any reason to. My family's terrific, I never have to worry about money or health issues, and I don't have any kind of disability. Maybe I'm just having a bad day, and I'll feel a lot better tomorrow.

And I don't even know where I'm going with this. What am I even expecting? :/