Total Drama Losers

Total Drama Losers is a fan-fic by Nalyd Renrut. It features twelve contestants from three previous seasons.

Losing Losers

 * Audrey
 * Bozo
 * Elvis
 * Frasier
 * Hank
 * "The Hobo"
 * Jess
 * Martha
 * Sally
 * "Ugly"

Globetrotting Fans

 * "Chicken"
 * Cecil
 * Deb
 * Elka
 * Esteban
 * Gretel
 * Katheryn
 * Lois
 * Maulik
 * Rosalinda
 * Salvatore
 * "Sarge"

Eliminated

 * 1) Rob (Losing Losers)
 * 2) James (Losing Losers)

Chapter One – “Welcome to Total Drama Losers!”
Nalyd rode a motorcycle down a long road, surrounded by desert. Bob the Leprechaun sat in the sidecar. “Welcome to Total Drama Losers!” Nalyd said, facing the camera. “This season, twelve losers from Total Drama Paradise, World, and Amazon will compete for another million dollars!”

“Why would we bring back twelve losers?” Bob asked him. “First of all, that’s like ten episodes, this season’ll be done in a week. Second, nobody wants to see losers! Third, why are we in a desert? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“If you think you can do any better, call the producers, see what they have to say about it,” Nalyd said. “And don’t contradict me in front of the audience. Remember what happened when Frank tried to do that?” Bob pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and dialed the producers’ number.

“Where in Sam Hill is Nalyd?” James asked. He, Audrey, Bozo, Elvis, Frasier, Hank, The Hobo, Jess, Martha, Rob, Sally, and Ugly were standing on a highway road in the middle of a desert.

“I don’t even know why I’m here,” Frasier said. “I am an all-star! An all-star, I tell you! I am not a loser!”

“I beg to differ,” Jess rolled her eyes.

“Aren’t you two going out?” Audrey asked.

“Not anymore,” Frasier said.

“She likes guys with hair, huh?” Audrey said. “Well, you could always get a wig.”

“Do you think before you speak?” Hank asked Audrey dryly.

Nalyd arrived on his motorcycle, stopping in front of the group. “Hellooo losers!” Nalyd said.

“Ahem,” Frasier said, glaring at Nalyd.

“You’re all losers,” Nalyd said. “Each and every one of you, in your own special, loser-y ways! Audrey, you’re Audrey. That joke kind of tells itself. Bozo cart-wheeled right into her own blindside. Elvis became our first medical evacuee. Frasier is Frasier. Hank got voted off by his only friends. ‘The Hobo’ is homeless, and got voted off fourth of his season. James got blindsided by his best friend. Jess… Actually, you’re not much of a loser, but we brought you back to bug Frasier. Martha, second off of your season, and you only joined to meet a cute guy. That’s tough ‘cause none of these guys are cute.”

“I beg to differ,” Bozo said, smiling and looking at Bob the Leprechaun.

“You know he’s not a real leprechaun right?” Jess said to Bozo. “Just a very small Irishman.”

“Moving on,” Nalyd said. “Rob, again, not a real loser, but you did come in third. You almost won but failed. Sally was the first voted off in Total Drama World. ‘Ugly,’ I gotta talk to you. The producers say that you gotta wear this paper bag on your face all season.” He carefully placed the bag over Ugly’s head. “A perfect fit,” he smiled.

“That’s not all the producers say,” Bob smiled, putting his cell phone back in his pocket.

“What did they say?” Nalyd asked, fear in his voice.

“First, they said I’m getting a fifty percent pay raise!” Bob boasted. “Second, they agreed with me that bringing back twelve contestants is boring.” A bus pulled up behind Bob. “Introducing, the fans! These are twelve people who signed up for the show but were rejected.”

“You can’t bring in new contestants,” Nalyd protested. “I don’t know how to introduce them!” Bob handed him flash cards.

“That has their name and a little bit of info about them,” Bob said. “You’re welcome.”

An old man with a long beard and a cane wobbled off of the bus. He looked at the losers, then at Bob, then at Nalyd. “I think I’m on the wrong show,” he said in an Indian accent.

“Everyone, this is Maulik,” Nalyd said. “He’s sixty years old!”

“What’s he doing here?” Martha asked.

“He thought this was a show for sixty year olds, not sixteen year olds,” Nalyd explained. “And Martha, he’s married, so don’t ask him out.”

A girl in a pink leotard, green cape, and a mask jumped off the bus. “Never fear!” she shouted. “Super Amazing Girl is here!”

“Everyone,” Nalyd said, “meet Lois. She’s a super hero. She can shoot string from her hands and blind her enemies.”

A boy in a red jacket and sunglasses walked off the bus. He had a stick in his hand, and he poked at the ground as he walked. He continued walking and poked Nalyd in the face. “Hello?” the boy said.

“Speaking of blind,” Nalyd said, reading the flash card. He looked at Bob. “That’s just awful.” He continued reading the card. “This is Cecil. He’s blind.”

“No, really?” Hank asked sarcastically. “You couldn’t tell from the sunglasses and walking stick.” Cecil slowly walked toward the group, walking into James, then turning to face the bus.

A pale girl with brown hair quietly walked off the bus. “Ello,” she said in a British accent. “I’m Elka.” She stood next to the other contestants, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Everyone, meet Elka,” Nalyd said. “She’s from jolly old England. Her hobbies include staying out of the sun and eating scones.” He looked at Bob. “Dude, these note cards are just offensive.”

A large muscular boy in an all green outfit. “This show’s winner has arrived!” he boasted. His voice was deep and rough. “Taking home the gold for Lady Liberty! USA! USA! USA!”

“Easy, tiger,” Nalyd said. “Name please.”

“The name’s ‘Sarge,’” the boy said. He stood next to the other competitors. “This game is gonna be a piece o’ cake.”

“Charming,” Jess said sarcastically.

A girl with a scowl and a mullet walked off the bus. She didn’t say anything as she walked to the other contestants. “This is Deb,” Nalyd introduced her. “The ex-boyfriend of the winner of Total Drama All-Stars!”

“What did you call me?!” Deb asked fiercely.

“Julio’s ex-boyfriend?” Nalyd replied sheepishly.

“I refuse to be associated with that twerp!” Deb shouted. “Got that?”

“Alright, chill, dude,” Nalyd said.

“And I’m a girl!” Deb shouted again. She took her place next to the other contestants.

“Alright, so far we’ve met Maulik, Lois, Cecil, Elka, ‘Sarge,’ and Deb,” Nalyd said. “Next we’ve got ‘Chicken.’”

“Who would have the name ‘Chicken’?” Rob said. A boy in a chicken suit jumped off the bus.

“That’s who,” Sally said.

“Buck-kaw!” Chicken shouted. He ran up to the group, flapping his arms.

“Surprisingly,” Nalyd said sarcastically, “He was raised by chickens. If you think he’s weird, just wait until you meet Gretel!”

A short, fat girl waddled off the bus. She had a lazy eye and wore clothes more commonly seen in medieval Europe. “Hello,” she said, in a German accent. As she walked towards the group, she tripped and landed on her face. “Verdammt noch mal!” she shouted as she got back on her feet. “Ich hasse dieses Spiel bereits! Nein! Nein! Nein!” She stood next to the group. “I apologize for my outburst.”

“It’s cool, bro,” Cecil said.

“‘Bro?!’” Gretel shouted. She pounced on Cecil who screamed.

“Whoa, easy there!” Nalyd laughed.

A muscular Hispanic boy ran off the bus. “Out of the way!” he shouted. He ran towards Cecil and ripped Gretel off of him. He held her up by her arm. “Don’t you ever do that again,” the boy shouted. “Get it?”

“Got it,” Gretel gulped.

“Good,” the boy said, and dropped Gretel to the ground.

“Thanks, Esteban,” Cecil smiled.

“Anything for my blind buddy,” Esteban chuckled, putting his arm around Cecil.

“Something tells me this is going to be an interesting season,” Nalyd chuckled. “So far we’ve met nine new contestants, but three are still on the bus! Hurry up, guys! We don’t have all day!”

A girl with a green ponytail going down to her waist climbed out of the bus. “Hell everyone,” she said with a smile. “I am Rosalinda, the hypnotist!”

Sarge laughed. “Hypnotism ain’t real,” he said.

“Yeah it is!” Rosalinda said. “I hypnotized you to say that!”

“Moving on,” Nalyd sighed. “Here’s Katheryn!”

Katheryn, a girl dressed in bright colors, ran off the bus. “Oh my gawsh, this is going to be awesome!” she jumped up and down in excitement. “This is totally the best day of my life!”

“Big fan of the show?” Nalyd asked.

“No,” Katheryn said. “But I get to be on TV!” She looked at the camera. “Hi mom!”

“Last, and hopefully not least,” Nalyd said, “Salvatore.”

A blond boy wearing a suit walked off the bus. “Ciao,” he said in a thick Italian accent.

Jess let out a weak moan. “He’s pretty.” Salvatore joined the group and winked at Jess.

“Alright,” Nalyd said. “Twenty-four contestants! That’s a lot more than I was hoping for, but we’ll make it work, some how. Now, onto the teams. The Losing Losers; Audrey, Bozo, Elvis, Frasier, Hank, ‘The Hobo,’ James, Jess, Martha, Rob, Sally, and ‘Ugly’ will be one team. The Globetrotting Fans; Cecil, ‘Chicken,’ Deb, Elka, Esteban, Gretel, Katheryn, Lois, Maulik, Rosalinda, Salvatore, and ‘Sarge’ will be the other team. And yes, I thought of those names all by myself!”

“Nalyd, can I ask a question?” Katheryn asked.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Nalyd said dryly.

“So, are we gonna be in the desert all season?” Katheryn asked, oblivious to Nalyd’s annoyance.

“No,” Nalyd said. “This season we’ll be going all around the world!”

“Hasn’t that been done?” Elvis asked.

“We’re gonna do it better!” Nalyd said. “I promise. We’ll be going to way more interesting places, with way tougher challenges.”

“I quit,” Hank said. He walked away from the group.

“Don’t get eaten by coyotes!” Nalyd shouted. “Don’t worry guys, he’ll come back. They always come back. Right now, we are in the Mojave Desert in the United States of America.”

“Woo hoo!” Sarge cheered. “USA! USA! USA!”

“We get it,” Nalyd rolled his eyes. “Anyway, this is the location of your first challenge! Our rides will be here any second.” On cue, two helicopters descended. Each helicopter had the color of one of the two respective teams. “For this challenge, we’re all gonna get in these helicopters! Whichever team has the most jumpers will win immunity! It doesn’t matter where you land, as long as you jump. Losing Losers, with Hank gone, you’re down a member.” The contestants shuffled onto their helicopters. Nalyd stayed on the ground, and watched the helicopters fly over an area filled with cacti and scorpions.

In the Globetrotting Fans’ helicopter, the twelve new contestants looked out of the helicopter. “I can’t jump,” Maulik said. “I’ve got a bad back. And bad hip. And bad other hip. And a bad knee.”

“Guys, what is that?” Rosalinda asked. “The big thing in the middle of all the cacti.”

“Is that a mattress?” Esteban asked.

“I’ll go find out,” Lois said. “Super Amazing Girl away!” Lois jumped out of the helicopter. She dove head first, arms outstretched and cape fluttering in the wind. She landed hard on the mattress, but wasn’t seriously injured.

“Is she okay?” Katheryn asked.

“Who cares?” Sarge asked. “We’ve gotta win this! Charge!” He shouted and ran out of the helicopter.

“He’s right,” Salvatore said. “Come, everyone, and together we will rally together and win the challenge.” The girls in the helicopter, minus Elka, stared at him. “What?”

“Say more words,” Katheryn giggled. Salvatore smiled, and jumped out of the helicopter backwards, facing his teammates as he fell.

“He’s mine!” Gretel shouted and ran to the helicopter door.

“I saw him first,” Deb said, charging toward the exit.

“I call dibs,” Rosalinda said.

“You can have dibs,” Katheryn said. “I call Salvatore!”

“Not if he calls me first,” Gretel said. The four girls all fell out of the helicopter at the same time. They clung to each other and screamed as they fell, all landing on the mattress.

“Buck-kaw!” Chicken shouted, and jumped off the helicopter. He landed on his back, on top of a cactus. He rolled off the cactus and landed on the ground. “Buck, buck, buck,” he muttered weakly.

“You wanna do this Cecil?” Esteban asked.

“Sure, I guess,” Cecil said. Esteban nodded, and picked Cecil up. He carried his blind friend over his shoulder and jumped out of the helicopter. Esteban accidentally let go of Cecil as the two fell. Esteban landed on the mattress, and Cecil landed next to him on the hard, sandy ground.

“Oops,” Esteban said. He picked Cecil up and dusted him off.

The helicopter pilot looked at the remaining two contestants, Elka and Maulik, who was asleep. “You jumping?” the pilot asked.

“Oh, um, no,” Elka said. “With ten jumpers, I’m sure we’ve won. I’ve got a feeling about it.” The pilot shrugged and landed the helicopter.

“Well done, Globetrotting Fans,” Nalyd said. “Ten jumpers, two sitters. Let’s see how the Losing Losers do!”

The Losing Losers helicopter flew over a different cactus patch, with a mattress in the middle. “This is stupid,” Rob complained. “I bet not even five of them is gonna jump.”

“You think?” Martha asked.

“I know,” Rob said. “You saw them, they’re obviously weaker. We just need five of us to jump and I’d bet we’d win.”

“How do you figure?” Jess asked.

“The old guy isn’t gonna jump,” Rob said. “I bet you none of those girls jump, except maybe the one with the mullet. That’s six people that won’t jump. The blind kid won’t go. I’m sure of it. I’m good with first impressions.”

“Dude, that’s the stupidest plan ever,” Elvis said.

“I like it!” Bozo shouted, and jumped out of the helicopter. She did several flips as she descended, but eventually landed on the mattress. “Can I go again?” she laughed.

“Guys, we can’t risk too many of us getting hurt,” Rob said. “It’s a calculated risk. Five of us jump, and we win. That means the five that jumped will probably be hurt, and not helpful at the next challenge. If the other six of us don’t jump, then we’ll be in good enough condition to win the next challenge while the five who jumped rest.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense,” James said, scratching his chin.

“Thank you,” Rob said, sarcastically. “We gotta send our weakest players out.”

Frasier was pushed out by everyone in the helicopter. “I don’t appreciate this!” he shouted as he fell. “I have never seen such an indolent tribe! You have made a formidable enemy!” He landed on the mattress.

“I volunteer,” Audrey said. “Remember me when I die.”

“You aren’t going to die,” James said. “It’s no big deal.”

“We can go together,” Martha said to Audrey.

“Okay!” Audrey said excitedly. The two held hands and jumped.

“We need one more,” Rob said. “Any volunteers?”

“I’ll go,” Elvis sighed.

“Good man,” Rob said. Elvis jumped out of the helicopter, screaming as he fell. “Hey,” Rob said to the pilot. “We’re done. Bring us down.” The helicopter descended with the remaining Losing Losers. Nalyd and the Globetrotting Fans waited for the Losers.

“Well,” Nalyd said. “Five Losers jumped, and ten Fans jumped! The Fans win immunity!” The Globetrotting Fans cheered, while the Losers glared at Rob. Hank ran up to the group, covered in scorpion stings, scratches, and cactus needles. “Welcome back,” Nalyd smiled. Hank stood next to his team. “Now,” Nalyd said, “The Losing Losers will stay here and vote somebody off, while the Globetrotting Fans will start going to the next location.”

“Where’s the plane?” Esteban asked.

“We couldn’t afford to get two planes to take you guys all around the world all season,” Nalyd said. “So you guys have to find your own transportation.” He handed Esteban a map. “Follow the map to the location of the next challenge. When you get there, we’ll start. Big advantage for you guys. Big disadvantage for the Losing Losers.” The Globetrotting Fans grumpily trudged away. “Losers,” Nalyd said. “Usually we’d let you guys talk about who to vote off, but we’re running late. Come with me.”

Nalyd led the Losing Losers to a campfire surrounded by the desert. There were twelve seats, and the podium that Nalyd stood at. “Welcome to the new and improved Tribal Council,” Nalyd said. “As you’ve probably noticed, there are no torches. The way this will work is there is a wooden puppet of each of you.” Bob brought Nalyd a box full of wooden puppets. “If you get a vote, you’re puppet will be held above the fire. For every vote you get, a string attached to the puppet’s limbs will be cut. When you’ve received enough votes to be eliminated, all your puppet’s strings will be cut, and your puppet will fall into the fire.”

“That sounds overly complicated,” Frasier complained.

“It’s called symbolism,” Nalyd said. “Time to vote!”

Elvis voted for Rob. “Dumb move today, man. You’re not the leader you think you are.”

Audrey voted for Hank. “Sorry. I don’t think we can keep somebody on our team who actually wanted to quit.”

Nalyd took the ballot box. He looked through the votes, then the box of puppets. He pulled out the Rob and Hank puppets. “Tonight, the two of you got the most votes,” Nalyd said. He hung the puppets by their strings above the fire. “Time to see who goes first.” Nalyd took a vote from the ballot box. “Hank.” He cut a string from Hank’s puppet.

“Ooh, scary,” Hank rolled his eyes.

“Rob,” Nalyd said, reading a second vote and cutting one of Rob’s strings.

“Heh,” Rob chuckled. “No worries yet.”

“Hank,” Nalyd said. “That’s two votes for Hank and one for Rob.” He pulled out another vote. “Make that two for Hank and two for Rob.” He cut another string from both puppets.

“Please let it be me,” Hank said.

“Rob,” Nalyd said. He cut another string from Rob’s puppet. “Rob. That’s two votes for Hank, and four votes for Rob.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Rob said under his breath.

“Rob,” Nalyd said. “Rob,” he pulled another vote from the ballot box and cut two more strings. “Two votes Hank. Six votes Rob.” Rob’s puppet dangled by one string.

“Dang it!” Rob shouted.

“The first person voted out of Total Drama Losers… Rob.”

“Come on, guys!” Rob jumped up. “I led us in the challenge! Hank tried to quit!”

“You tried to lead us,” Elvis said.

Nalyd cut the final string on Rob’s puppet, and it fell into the fire. “Rob, the tribe has spoken,” Nalyd said. He handed a map to Jess. “There’s the map to your next challenge, I suggest you get a move on before sundown.” The Losing Losers stood up and left the elimination ceremony. Nalyd got on his motor cycle.

“Where do I go?” Rob asked him.

“Home I guess,” Nalyd said. “Good luck getting there though, haha!” Nalyd rode away on his motorcycle.

Chapter Two – “The Italian Stallion”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; twelve losers returned to try again for the million dollars. Little did they know, twelve fans would be joining them in their journey around the globe. The Globetrotting Fans showed that they were not to be messed with when they floored the Losing Losers in the challenge. The Losing Losers chose to vote off Rob, who failed to lead them in the challenge. Who will be voted off tonight?

The Globetrotting Fans made their way through the Mojave Desert. “This is ridiculous,” Sarge said. “It’s already nightfall, and we’re going slower than a centipede covered in molasses.”

“Let’s pick up the pace everyone,” Salvatore said. “We wanna get to the next challenge first.”

“Where is the next challenge?” Elka asked.

“Las Vegas, English Muffin,” Sarge answered.

“’English Muffin?’” Elka repeated.

“I’ve got nicknames for almost everybody,” Sarge explained in the confessional. “Elka is English Muffin, Deb is Mullet, Maulik is Gramps, Lois is Lois Lame, Katheryn is Cheerleader, Esteban is Eyes, and Salvatore is the Italian Stallion. Sal is my right-hand man, at least for now. He’s got all the chicks drooling over him, so I figure I might as well use that to my advantage and ally with him.”

“Hurry, Maulik,” Sarge said. “You’re the slowest one here!”

“Do not sass me,” Maulik said. “I fought for India in all three world wars!”

“There have only been two world wars,” Rosalinda said. “India wasn’t a part of either.”

“Oh yeah?” Maulik said. “Well I was in a hunger strike with Gandhi!”

“How was it a hunger strike if you were eating candy?” Katheryn asked. Deb face-palmed.

“Maulik is already making people mad,” Lois said in the confessional. “As Super Amazing Girl, I feel obligated to help him cross streets when we get to Las Vegas, but I wouldn’t mind voting him off. He’s a liar. Villains lie.”

The group heard voices behind them in the distance. “The other team is catching up to us,” Esteban said. Esteban was carrying Cecil on his shoulders.

“Dang it!” Sarge shouted. “They’re gonna catch up to us and then get there first probably.”

“You know,” Salvatore said, “I could go spy on them a little, see what they’re talking about. Doing stuff like that will help us at the merge. Permission to spy?”

“Permission granted,” Sarge said. Salvatore nodded, and ran back to find the Losing Losers.

“We’ll wait for you in Las Vegas!” Rosalinda shouted.

“He’s so cute,” Gretel said. “I think he likes me.”

“He definitely likes me best,” Katheryn said. “Did you see the way he smiled at me during the walk?”

“I’m pretty much the only girl on the team who isn’t in love with Salvatore,” Elka said in the confessional. “I’ve got a bad feeling about him. He’s a devil with blue eyes.”

Salvatore hid behind a patch of cacti and watched as the Losing Losers walked by. “Las Vegas, here we come,” James said.

Audrey walked in the middle of Frasier and Jess. “So why did you two break up?” she asked.

“Ask her,” Frasier said. “She’s the one that broke up with me.”

“I wanted a real man,” Jess said. “Somebody who could sweep me off my feet. Also, Frasier’s bald.”

“I am not bald!” Frasier protested.

“Aw, its okay, Frasier,” Audrey said. “My grandpa’s bald and he’s not embarrassed.”

Martha, Sally, Ugly, Hank, Bozo, and Elvis walked together. “I was thinking we could form an alliance,” Elvis said. “You all seem like really chill people. I wouldn’t mind going to the final six with you.”

“How about we vote me out first?” Hank suggested. “I don’t wanna be here.”

“Ha,” Bozo snorted. “You’re funny, Hank.”

“I’ll join,” Martha said.

“I’m in!” Sally said. “I just don’t wanna be first out again!”

“You can’t be,” Ugly said. “We already voted Rob out.” The others looked at Ugly and laughed. “What?”

“Somebody wrote a bad word on your paper bag,” Martha chuckled.

“What did they write?” Ugly asked. She removed the paper bag from her head, causing the others to gasp. “Who wrote this on my bag?”

“Probably ‘The Hobo,’” Martha said. “I don’t trust that guy.” A crack sound came from behind a cactus. “What was that?”

Salvatore stepped out from behind the cactus. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I got separated from my team. They send me to get water, and when I got back, they were gone. I’ve been wandering alone for an hour.”

“Aw,” Audrey said. “You can come with us!”

“Shouldn’t we decide that as a team?” Frasier asked.

“What’s wrong, Frasier?” Jess asked. “Jealous that he has hair?” Jess approached Salvatore. “You may come to Las Vegas with us, Salvatore.”

“Thank you,” Salvatore said. “You’re a very sweet girl.”

“Ooh, look at me, I’m Salvatore!” Frasier mocked in the confessional. “I’m Italian and hit on girls and having amazing blond hair! Aren’t I special?!”

“I feel so foolish,” Salvatore said. “My team must hate me, that’s why they left me behind! Oh, I’ll be voted off next for sure.”

“Don’t worry, Salvatore,” Sally said. “If you make it to the merge, you can ally with us.”

“Really?” Salvatore asked. “You guys are the best. I sure wish I was a Losing Loser.”

“Acting,” Salvatore smiled in the confessional. “If this is the best the Losing Losers have to offer, Nalyd might as well write me the check now.”

It was four in the morning. The sky was still dark when the Globetrotting Fans reached Las Vegas. “Oh my gosh, it’s so bright here!” Katheryn said.

“Look at all the lights,” Deb said.

“There’s so much to see here!” Esteban said.

“Really guys?” Cecil said, dryly. “Blind kid, right here.”

“Welcome to Las Vegas,” Nalyd said. “This is the location of your next challenge! Getting here will give you a huge advantage in the challenge. As you can see behind me, we have two novelty sized slot machines. The first team to be able to spin three sevens wins part one of the challenge! Each slot machine is fifteen feet tall, and each lever weighs four hundred pounds. Good luck pulling that thing down enough times to get three sevens. Go!”

The Globetrotting Fans ran to the slot machine. “How are we gonna reach that?” Esteban asked.

“Climb up the side!” Sarge said. He pointed to a ladder on the side of the slot machine. The team climbed to the top and jumped onto the lever, pulling it down.

“Seven,” the team said in unison. “Seven… cherries.”

“Try again!” Gretel shouted. The team ran back up the ladder and jumped again.

The Losing Losers arrived on the scene. Salvatore left the group and joined his own team. “Guys, hold on,” he whispered to his team. “Don’t all go up at once, let’s split into four teams of three people and we’ll be able to pull it down four times as quickly.”

“I like the way you think, Italian Stallion,” Sarge chuckled. The Globetrotting Fans divided themselves into four groups and took turns pulling the lever.

Nalyd explained the challenge to the Losing Losers. “They Globetrotting Fans have wasted their lead,” Nalyd said. “They weren’t able to win with the Globetrotting Fans not hear, so now it’s even!”

“We don’t have enough people to do four groups like them,” The Hobo said. “We could just do two groups.” Five of the Losing Losers climbed the side of the slot machine, while the other six followed. They climbed slower than the Globetrotting Fans.

“The Globetrotting Fans have pulled the lever fifty-seven times,” Nalyd said. “The Losing Losers have pulled it seven times.”

“Fifty-eighth time’s the charm,” Lois said. She, Esteban, and Cecil jumped, and pulled the lever.

“Seven,” the Globetrotting Fans said in unison. “Seven… seven!”

“Globetrotting Fans win part one!” Nalyd announced. “This will be a huge advantage in the second part of the challenge.”

“This is awful,” Ugly said in the confessional. “We already lost a challenge, now we have a disadvantage.”

“For part two of the challenge,” Nalyd said. “You must pick the three smartest people on your team.”

“Jess and I should participate,” Frasier said.

“I wanna go too!” Bozo said.

“Fair enough,” Jess said. “The clown, Bozo and I will compete.”

“I will go for our team,” Salvatore said.

“I will also compete,” Maulik said.

“We need a third,” Salvatore said. “Elka, you seem smart, would you care to join us?”

“Me? Really?” Elka said. Salvatore nodded ad flashed a smile. “Um, okay.”

“Frasier, Bozo, and Jess vs. Salvatore, Maulik, and Elka,” Nalyd said. “You each have four cards, Jack, Queen, King, and Ace. I also have those four cards. I will hold them up and when I’m done, you must repeat the order that I held them up in. When you’re wrong, you’re out. Fans, you may pick one of the three Losers to be out immediately as part of your advantage.”

“We choose Frasier,” Salvatore said.

“Detestable,” Frasier muttered.

“Round one,” Nalyd said. He held up the Jack, Queen, Jack, Queen, Ace, Queen, and King. “What was the first card?”

Jess, Salvatore, Maulik, and Elka, showed their Jacks, while Bozo threw her cards in the air. “I throw my cards up in the air sometimes, singing ‘Ay-oh, my name is Bozo!’” Bozo sang. “This show could be a musical!”

“Unsurprising, Bozo is out first,” Nalyd said. “What was the second card?” The four remaining contestants all held up their Queens. “Third card?” They all showed their Jacks. “Fourth card?” The four showed their Queen cards. “Fifth card?” Jess, Salvatore, and Elka showed Aces, and Maulik showed a Jack. “The correct answer was Ace. Maulik you’re out.”

“I need to make sure we win,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “I’ll lose credibility with the Losers if we lose and I stay. Luckily for me, Jess is really stupid for a genius.”

“I felt really bad for Salvatore,” Jess said in the confessional. “He said that if his team lost he’d get voted off. I can’t let my heart get involved in the game. Not again.”

“Sixth card in the patten?” Nalyd said. Jess, Salvatore, and Elka each showed a Queen. “Last card?” They all showed a King. “Congratulations, you all move onto round two.” Nalyd help up the Queen, Ace, King, Jack, Jack, King, Ace, King cards. “What was the first card in the pattern?” Jess and Salvatore held up Queens, and Elka held up Ace. “Sorry Elka, you’re out. Salvatore and Jess, final two.”

“Ugh,” Jess said in the confessional. “Now if I beat Salvatore, it’ll be even more his fault that his team loses!”

“Second card in the pattern?” Nalyd said. Jess and Salvatore both showed Aces. “Third card?” They both showed Kings. “Fourth card?” They both showed Jacks. “Fifth card?” Salvatore showed his Jack. He looked at Jess with pleading eyes. Jess sighed and showed her Queen. “Wrong, Jess,” Nalyd said. “Salvatore and the Globetrotting Fans win immunity!” The Fans cheered. Nalyd handed Chicken a map. “You may go to your next challenge now.”

“Buck-kaw!” Chicken cheered.

Salvatore whispered to Jess, “Grazie a te, mia dolce.”

“You’re welcome,” Jess said awkwardly.

“Losing Losers,” Nalyd said. “That name is getting more and more fitting everyday. You’re gonna vote in ten minutes!”

“Hey, guys listen,” James whispered to Audrey, Frasier, Elvis, and Sally. “Did y’all see that? Jess was just talking to Salvatore. He said something in Italian, and she said ‘you’re welcome.’ I think she threw the challenge for him. Remember when he flirted with her on our way here? She’s on his side.”

“You really think so, James?” Elvis said.

James nodded. “As positive as the year is long.”

“So should we vote out Jess?” Sally asked.

“I’m all for it,” Frasier said.

“I know you guys have an alliance,” James said. “So let’s just vote Jess out tonight.”

“I did better than anybody here on the Loser tribe,” James said in the confessional. “I’ve got something to prove here. I think I’ve got the most experience in the game, so a lot of the votes will probably be up to me.”

“What have you heard?” Jess asked Audrey.

“They wanna vote you out. They think you threw the challenge for Salvatore,” Audrey explained.

“Who told them that?” Jess asked.

“James,” Audrey said.

“Then we have to vote James out,” Jess said. “Tell everyone. They don’t want to hear it from me.”

“Okay,” Audrey said. “What should I tell them?”

“Make something up,” Jess said. “And be quick about it!”

Audrey gathered the alliance of Martha, Sally, Ugly, Elvis, Hank, and Bozo together. “We need to vote off James tonight,” Audrey said.

“Why?” Sally asked.

“Um,” Audrey said.

“I hadn’t thought that far!” Audrey said in the confessional. “Stay calm, Audrey. Just think, what would Jess do? Uh oh, now you’re talking to yourself on TV! Quick, stop before they think you’re crazy!”

“He’s been making alliance with everyone,” Audrey said quickly. “He told us to vote Jess, and then he went and told me to vote Elvis off.”

“He did?” Elvis asked. Audrey nodded. “Well, do we wanna keep Jess the cheater or James the liar?”

The Losing Losers took their seats at Tribal Council. “Welcome back, Losers,” Nalyd said. “Last night, you sent Rob home. After a three hour trek through the desert and a challenge in the middle of the night, you’re back here. It’s time to vote.”

Frasier voted for Jess. “You’ve hurt me and this tribe enough.”

Audrey voted for James. “Sorry. Hope we can still be friends after this.”

“I’ll read the votes,” Nalyd said. He got the ballot box, and looked through the votes. Above the fire pit, he hung puppets of Jess and James. “You two received all the votes tonight. When I read a vote for you, I will cut a string from your puppet. When your puppet falls into the fire, you’re out of the game.” He pulled a vote from the ballot box. “James.” He cut a string from James’ puppet.

Audrey looked at James nervously.

“Jess,” Nalyd said, reading another vote and cutting a string from Jess’ puppet. “Another vote for James. That’s two votes for James and one for Jess.”

Frasier glared at Jess.

“Jess,” Nalyd said. “Two votes for James and two vote Jess.” He cut another string from Jess’ puppet. “Jess.” He cut another string from Jess’ puppet. “And another vote for Jess. That’s two votes for James and four for Jess.”

Jess looked at Audrey, who shrugged.

“Jess,” Nalyd said, cutting another string from Jess’ puppet. “Two votes for James, and five votes for Jess.” Jess’ puppet dangled by one string. Nalyd pulled another vote from the ballot box. “James.” He cut a string from James’ puppet. “James. That’s four votes for James and five for Jess.”

James looked at his teammates, confused.

“James,” Nalyd said, cutting another string from James’ puppet. Each puppet dangled above the roaring fire with one string.

“This is it,” Elvis whispered.

“The second person voted out of Total Drama Losers… James.”

Nalyd cut the string of James’ puppet, and it fell and burned in the fire. “Good luck, guys,” James said as the rest of the team stood up. “Don’t be Losers forever.”

“James, the tribe has spoken,” Nalyd said. He handed a map to Jess. “Losing Losers, time to go.”

Chapter Three – “It’s all up to Audrey”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the Globetrotting Fans fawned over the Italian Stallion, Salvatore. Salvatore gained sympathy from the Losing Losers, particularly Jess. The Losers made their first strategic move of the season, an alliance between Martha, Sally, Ugly, Hank, Bozo, and Elvis. The Fans dominated in the Las Vegas slot machine challenge, and Salvatore was even able to get Jess, one of the smartest contestants on the show, to throw an intelligence challenge. James campaigned for the Losers to send Jess home, but his pleas fell on deaf ears, and James was sent home instead. Who will be voted off tonight?

The Globetrotting Fans walked across an open plain. It was the first grassy land they’d set foot on since the game started. “It’s nice to be out of the desert,” Maulik said.

“Nobody on the team likes Maulik,” Deb said in the confessional. “He keeps complaining about everything. Looks like our first vote is going to be easy.”

“Would you shut up, old man?” Sarge said. “Dang it, I’m sick o’ you complaining!”

“What gives you the right to talk to your elders that way?” Maulik asked.

“We’re in America, ain’t we?” Sarge retorted. “Last time I checked, I still had freedom of speech.”

“I got stuck with pretty lame guys on this team,” Gretel said in the confessional. “Maulik is completely useless, Cecil is blind, ‘Sarge ‘spends the whole time yelling at everyone, Salvatore is beautiful, but he spends more time with the other team than with us, and Esteban,” she paused. “Actually, Esteban is relatively useful. And don’t even get me started about the girls. Elka won’t talk, Rosalinda won’t stop talking, Katheryn’s an idiot, and Lois is delusional. Help me.”

“I bet I can hypnotize you,” Rosalinda said to Cecil. She walked next to Esteban, who carried Cecil on his shoulders.

“Alright,” Cecil said. “How?”

Rosalinda held a gold watch in front of Cecil’s face. She slowly waved it back and forth. “You are getting sleepy, very sleepy,” she said slowly. “When I count to three, you will cluck like a chicken. One. Two. Thr-”

“Buck-kaw!” Chicken shouted, running past the three.

“How much farther must we walk?” Maulik asked.

“You’ll walk as long as I say walk,” Sarge instructed.

“Hey, maybe you should back off a bit,” Salvatore said, putting his hand on Sarge’s shoulder. Sarge nodded, and walked away from Maulik.

“I respect Sal,” Sarge said in the confessional. “He’s got a way of controlling the women on the team, but what he’s gotta realize is that I’m the leader. Maulik is a liability. He’s a living fossil. Nobody wants him around, so he can just keep digging his own grave.”

“My team has four people who I would like to, how do you say? Blindside?” Salvatore said in the confessional. “Maulik and Cecil are obvious choices to go, but Rosalinda is also getting annoying. Those three would be the obvious ones. Another one I’d like gone is Elka. I fear that she is the most likely contestant to try to vote me off. Other than her, however, I feel secure. Both teams love me. There is no chance of me going home anytime soon.”

The Losing Losers jogged through a grassy valley. “How long have we been jogging?” Frasier panted.

“I’d say an hour, maybe more,” Jess said.

“Can we take a break?” The Hobo asked.

“Fine,” Elvis said. “There’s a little pond up ahead, we’ll rest there.”

“We decided to jog so that the other team wouldn’t get to the next challenge before us,” Elvis said in the confessional. “I think if we take away their time advantage, we’ll be able to win.”

The alliance of Martha, Sally, Ugly, Hank, Bozo, and Elvis sat together at the pond. “I think we made a mistake keeping Jess,” Martha said. “Knowing her, she’ll throw today’s challenge too.”

“The question now,” Elvis said, “is it worth it to vote her off now? I think we just gotta sit her out as much as possible. I think that jog showed a lot of people on our team aren’t in tip-top physical shape.”

“I am!” Bozo exclaimed. “I can do this!” Bozo stuck her tongue out, and licked the tip of her nose. “Ta-da!”

“Well now we’ll surely win,” Hank rolled his eyes.

Jess and Audrey drank water from the pond. “They want me gone next,” Jess said. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be gone.”

“It was nothing, really,” Audrey smiled.

“If we lose tonight, we might have to do some serious scrambling,” Jess said. “Those six over there are tight. That leaves you, me, ‘The Hobo,’ and Frasier.”

Before the two could continue, Elvis shouted, “Alright guys, the break is over! Back to work!” He and the other Losers began jogging.

“Elvis has become the leader of the team,” Frasier said in the confessional. “I’m not pleased about it; I think I’d make a much better leader. I’m resourceful, able-bodied, perceptive, gregarious, and, most of all, an All-Star! I should not be on a team of losers; I am entitled to be on a team of the best of the best!”

“If I want to stay in the game,” Jess said in the confessional. “I need more allies than just Audrey. Unfortunately, I’m so deplored by my own team; I need Audrey to form alliances for me.”

Audrey jogged next to The Hobo. “So, Hobo,” Audrey said.

“That’s ‘The Hobo,’” The Hobo said.

“Sorry, ‘The Hobo,’” Audrey blushed. “Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to join my alliance.”

“What will you do for me if I do?” The Hobo asked.

“I’ll get you shampoo,” Audrey suggested.

“Oh, cause all homeless guys want shampoo, huh?” The Hobo replied sharply. “Well I’ve got news for you, I’m proud of my filth! There’s something else I want; her.” He pointed ahead at Martha.

“Sure you don’t want shampoo?” Audrey asked.

“This is going to be tough,” Audrey said in the confessional. “I’m going to need to do lots of lying to get this to work. I’m not good at lying.”

The Globetrotting Fans arrived on a sandy beach. “Welcome to San Francisco,” Nalyd said. “We’re gonna be rocking this challenge Pacific Ocean style! Since the Losing Losers aren’t here yet, we’ll let you guys start the challenge.” From the distance, the Losing Losers ran onto the scene.

“We’re here!” Elvis shouted. “We’re here!” The Losers cheered.

“Alright, time to get to the challenge,” Nalyd said. “We’re on the beautiful Pacific coast of California.”

“Oh my gosh,” Katheryn said. “I’m from California!”

“Interesting,” Nalyd said. “Anyway, for today’s challenge, you’re gonna need to change into your bathing suits, this is a water challenge.” Bob the Leprechaun dragged a suitcase to the contestants, full of their bathing suits. After everyone had finished using the changing room, Nalyd continued. “Today’s challenge is a surfing challenge!”

“Isn’t that more suited for Hawaii?” Hank asked.

“We can’t afford Hawaii,” Nalyd said. “So California will do! Both teams must pick five contestants to surf.”

“I say we go with,” Sarge said, “Esteban, Lois, Salvatore, Deb, and me. Our strongest five.”

“No, I have to go!” Katheryn said. “I love surfing!”

“You may take my place,” Salvatore said.

“Aw, thanks,” Katheryn hugged Salvatore.

“Does anyone know how to surf?” Elvis asked the Losers.

“Ooh, I do!” Bozo said.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Sally asked.

“I can’t do this,” Bozo said. She sat on the ground and bent both her legs over her shoulders and behind her head. “Oh, hey, I could do that. Nevermind!”

“Anybody else?” Elvis asked. Nobody spoke up. “Anybody able to fake it?”

“Dude, we’re all tired from jogging so much,” Martha said.

“Brilliant plan, by the way,” Frasier said sarcastically.

“I’ll go with Bozo,” Jess said.

“Bozo, Jess, ‘Ugly,’ Hank, and me,” Elvis said.

“The first round will be Elvis vs. ‘Sarge,’” Nalyd said, handing the two surfboards. “All you have to do is paddle out, catch a wave, and surf. Whichever one of you is the last man standing wins. If one of you doesn’t even get on a wave, the other one will win. Ready?” Sarge and Elvis nodded. “Go!” The two ran into the water, and paddled their surfboards into the ocean.

“You ever surf before, music boy?” Sarge asked.

“For like the first thirteen year of my life,” Elvis said, paddling ahead of Sarge.

“Aw, dang it,” Sarge sighed. A wave curled up from the ocean water. Elvis met it, stood on his board, and surfed. His team cheered him on from shore. Sarge stood on his board, wobbled, and fell off.

“Elvis wins!” Nalyd announced. The two boys swam back to shore. “Round two; ‘Ugly’ vs. Lois.” Elvis and Sarge handed their respective teammates their boards. “Go!”

Lois charged into the water. “Super Amazing Girl, away! Surfing powers activate!” Ugly followed her.

Audrey approached Martha. “Hey, Martha,” she said.

“Oh, hey Audrey,” Martha smiled. “What’s up?”

“I know someone who likes you,” Audrey said.

“Who?” Martha gasped. Audrey pointed to The Hobo. “Ew! No! Tell me you’re kidding!”

“Um,” Audrey froze. “Well, yeah, of course I’m kidding. I was pointing at him.” She moved her hand, pointing at Frasier.

“Oh,” Martha said. She giggled. “Well, I guess he’s kind of cute.” The two girls looked out at the ocean.

Lois and Ugly were both standing up on their surfboards. “Both girls doing well,” Nalyd narrated. Lois pulled a can of silly string out of her utility belt, which she was wearing over her bathing suit, and sprayed Ugly with it.

“My eyes!” Ugly shouted. She fell off her board.

“Lois wins!” Nalyd announced.

“Sorry, citizen,” Lois said. “As a super hero, it is my job to defeat the evil, and those who are a threat to my team are evil.”

“You got silly string in my eye,” Ugly sighed.

“The score is one to one,” Nalyd said. “Next up, Hank vs. Esteban.”

“Can I give up now?” Hank asked.

Esteban took Cecil off his shoulders and stood him up on the sand. “Stay here, Cecil,” he said. “I’ll be right back.” Esteban ran out to the ocean with Hank.

“Go!” Nalyd shouted. Hank stood on the shore and watched Esteban paddle out. “Are you gonna go, Hank?”

“I wasn’t planning to,” Hank replied.

“Oh, I get it, strategic move?” Nalyd said.

“No,” Hank shrugged. “Just lazy.”

“In that case, Esteban wins,” Nalyd said. “Round four; Bozo vs. Deb.”

“Why do I have to go last?” Jess asked in the confessional. “If I lose, it’s going to seem a lot more serious than when Hank or ‘Ugly’ lost. In my opinion, Hank should go tonight. He doesn’t wanna be here, he doesn’t care.”

Bozo and Deb paddled out into the water. “Wouldn’t it be cool if there were sharks out here?” Bozo smiled. “It would be like Jaws! Danananananana!”

“I’m afraid of clowns,” Deb said in the confessional.

Deb looked away from Bozo as the two paddled. “Hey, hey Deb, hey, Deb, hey,” Bozo said.

“Don’t look at her,” Deb said to herself. “Just paddle and get ready for a wave.”

“Hey, Deb, yoo hoo, Deb, over here! Deb. Deb. Deb,” Bozo continued.

“What?!” Deb shouted, she looked at Bozo.

Bozo was standing on her surfboard already. “Wave!” Bozo was able to catch the wave and ride it. Deb looked up, only to be knocked down by the wave.

“Bozo wins!” Nalyd announced. “The final round; Jess vs. Katheryn.”

“Yay!” Katheryn cheered. She grabbed the surfboard from Deb.

“Very well,” Jess said. “Let’s get this over with.” The two girls began paddling into the ocean.

Audrey approached The Hobo. “What did she say?” he asked excitedly.

“She said ‘he’s kinda cute,’” Audrey lied.

“A lot of girls feel that way,” The Hobo said. “I think it’s because of my amazing voice, all smooth and angelic and whatnot. I could be on the radio, huh?”

“Sure,” Audrey said. “So will you vote with us?” The Hobo nodded. “Yay! I’d hug you if you weren’t covered in dirt.”

“Now all I need to do is put a target on somebody’s back,” Audrey said in the confessional.

Audrey walked up to Elvis. “Hey, Elvis, can I talk to you?”

“I guess so,” Elvis said. “What’s up?”

“I don’t trust Sally,” Audrey said.

“Why not?” Elvis asked.

“I’m not very good at lying,” Audrey said in the confessional. “I don’t like lying either. But I made a promise to Jess, and after this we’re gonna be best friends. I think.”

“Um,” Audrey paused. She looked at Sally, and saw her sitting alone. “I’ve seen her talking to people to form alliances to take you out!”

Elvis looked alarmed. “Really?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Audrey said. “We were allies in Amazon. Remember?”

“Okay, I’ll think about it,” Elvis said.

Meanwhile, Jess and Katheryn were in the ocean. They were preparing for a wave. “Here we go,” Jess sighed as a wave rolled up before the two. They stood up.

“Good luck!” Katheryn shouted as the two began to surf. Jess and Katheryn were both standing up.

“Hey, I’m doing well!” Jess said excitedly.

“And then I got an idea,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “Two girls competing, both completely infatuated with me. The situation could not have been more perfect.”

“You can do it,” Salvatore called from shore, waving at the two girls.

“What are you doing?” Elka asked.

“Trust me here,” Salvatore said.

“He’s cheering for me,” Jess and Katheryn gasped at the same time.

“He looks so buff in that bathing suit,” Katheryn smiled. The two girls, staring at Salvatore, crashed into each other, falling into the water. They swam back to shore.

“Who won?” Jess asked.

“By my judgement,” Nalyd said. “Jess was off her board first. Katheryn wins! Katheryn and the Globetrotting Fans win immunity!” The Fans cheered. A boat pulled up to the shore. “Our next challenge is out in the ocean, here is a boat for you guys.” The Fans hurried onto the boat, and left the shore. “Losing Losers, shortly, you’re going to vote.”

“Right now would be a good time to vote me off,” Jess said in the confessional. “I’ve lost two challenges in a row for the team. It’s all up to Audrey to save me.”

“I talked to my alliance,” Elvis said in the confessional. “We made our decision. We know who’s going tonight, and it looks like this will be a unanimous vote.”

“I’ve got no idea what’s going on,” Sally said in the confessional, her eyes were red and her cheeks had water on them. “I think it could be me!”

The Losing Losers took their all too familiar seats at Tribal Council. “This is getting pathetic,” Nalyd sighed. “Once again, the Losing Losers lose. And now it’s time to vote for the third night in a row.”

Audrey voted for Sally. “Hope this works!”

Sally voted for Jess. “Thanks to you, we’ve lost twice now. It won’t happen again.”

“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He got the ballot box. He hung the Sally and Jess dolls above the fire. “Our bottom two tonight. The first vote is for Sally.” He cut one of Sally’s strings.

Sally looked at her alliance, none of whom looked back.

“Jess,” Nalyd said, cutting a string from Jess’ puppet. “Sally. Sally.” He cut two strings from Sally’s puppet. “That’s three votes for Sally, one vote for Jess.”

“Vote from Jess, Audrey, and ‘The Hobo,’” Sally said in the confessional. “That’s all.”

“Sally,” Nalyd said, cutting another string from Sally’s puppet. “Sally. Five votes for Sally, one vote for Jess.”

“Not again,” Sally said with her head in her hands.

“The third person voted out of Total Drama Losers is…”

“Sally.”

Sally turned to Elvis. “But why?” she asked as the rest of her team stood up.

“Audrey exposed you,” Elvis said. Sally turned to Audrey, and looked at her helplessly.

“I’m sorry,” Audrey whispered. A boat arrived on the shore. The remaining Losers marched onto it, and left their former teammate behind.

Elimination Chart
Color Code:
 * DarkViolet Names : Losing Losers
 * GreenYellow Names : Globetrotting Fans
 * Won challenge
 * Safe
 * Bottom two/three
 * Eliminated