User blog:Gideoncrawle/MIL Update for Mother's Day

On 20 April, my MIL went into hospice care, with a life expectancy of a week or less. Almost 3 weeks later, not only is she still with us, she is in no worse a condition than when she was admitted. Her diuretics (which do require that she have a catheter and urine bag) and breathing exercises seem to be keeping at bay the fluid buildup in her chest that was originally expected to kill her within a few days.

Indeed, she is actually improving in some ways. As of last Friday, she no longer needs supplemental oxygen.

My DW and I have since learned that this is somewhat common with hospice care. The environment is far less stressful to the patient than is a hospital’s, and doesn’t have nearly the same risk of the patient contracting infections and suchlike; nor is it as stressful as living at home, since the patient has no obligation to look after the place. As a result, terminally ill patients often survive significantly longer in a hospice than they would elsewhere. My MIL is living on borrowed time; but, for now, her “credit” is good.

Nor does this extra time come at the expense of quality of life. Whereas a hospital patient has no autonomy to speak of, a good hospice encourages patients to have as much autonomy as their conditions permit. We can even take MIL away on day trips, as long as she’s feeling up to it and we inform the hospice staff of our plans. Last Sunday, for example, she felt well enough to attend services at her church for the first time in several weeks, and also spent part of the day at her home.

She has been going a bit stir crazy, and wants to return home permanently; but for several reasons, this doesn’t appear to be in the cards. For one thing, it would be stressful for her, because she would only see things that need to be done. For another, it’s been a long time since she has maintained the home environment properly. It’s a dusty, allergenic environment that really wouldn’t be good for someone with respiratory problems. In any case, we already tried home hospice (also called “palliative care”) and it didn’t work out because it required more from her co-resident son than he could handle. (We’re not sure, but we suspect he may be mildly autistic, or have some similar disability. He can follow instructions, but he doesn’t seem capable of much initiative.)

An expat Englishwoman from their church has been helping to look after the house and has been doing a lot of cleaning; so, if my MIL remains stable, she might actually be able to return home at some point.