User blog comment:Sprinklemist/New Story/@comment-1636990-20120110114645

Maybe Jack in a tree? Perhaps Jack landing on Chris? Maybe Hilde punching LeVar? Perhaps Hilde holding Elizabeth by the sweater. Something from the chapter? XD

Anyway, I'd just recommend more detail, that's all. The dialogue is better than Athletic's and BotB, so it is a fresh start! Must admit, I was losing faith rapidly in you, Sprink, but after genuinely laughing at Annaliese, I think that should say it all. I rarely laugh at anything. "Do you like my normal/poor person shoes?" For some reason, she reminds me of Candice's other half. You know, her dobbleganger or however you spell it.