User blog comment:Sunshineandravioli/Stuff Sunshine Likes, Issue I/@comment-3570323-20120128015353/@comment-1874924-20120128053524

I'm not familiar with Portal, either--I mainly play the strategic simulations known as "god games"--but I do have a writing tip that might have helped Fan's understanding: you need more paragraph breaks. As a rule, paragraphs should not exceed 10-12 lines, but some of yours topped 30. That's enough to produce a serious "wall of text" effect. (Literally. On my monitor, those 30-liners can fill the entire screen.) When a paragraph runs much over 12 lines, there will almost always be a logical place to split it.