Beth and the Ice Cream Factory

Characters
Chrisy Conka (Parody of Chris)

Hatchet-Loompas

Ida Pout (reporter)

Owen and mother

Eva and mother

Heather and father

Ezekiel and mother

Beth and Grandpa Joe

Mrs. Beth

Mr. Beth

Prolouge
Chrisy: As you can see, I'm growing old, and it's time for me to pick an heir to my ice cream empire. So I shall have a contest. Here's how it works: I will put a golden scab in 5 lucky containers of ice cream. (Sure they'll freak, but I need a little fun). The 5 people who find the golden scab will tour my factory, receive a lifetime supply of Conka ice cream, and, unbeknownst to the winners, a chance at winning my factory.

Beth's box
Beth: Awesome! I could win a lifetime of ice cream!

Mrs. Beth: You can try, but the odds are not that good.

Mr. Beth: SHUT UP! WE MAY BE DIRT POOR AND LIVE IN A BOX IN CENTRAL PARK, BUT WE WILL WIN THAT ICE CREAM! (Mr. Beth begins mercilessly beating Mrs. Beth)

Grandpa Joe: Beth, if you believe that you'll win, then you'll win.

Beth: That doesn't make sense. Every child on earth believes that they'll win.

Grandpa Joe: SO!? Whatever, let's listen to the radio.

Owen
Ida Pout: Attention radio listeners, the first golden scab has been located in Saint John's, New Foundland and Labrador. Here they are now. Owen, may we have a word?

Mother: He's busy eating. (Owen walks in)

Owen: Hi there, Ida. (Owen eats Ida's microphone)

Ida: STOP THE CAMERA!

Eva
Ida: Attention, the second golden scab has been located in Churchill, Manitoba. Eva, may we have a word?

Eva: Sure. I was at my friend's birthday party, and she asked me to scoop out the ice cream, and after I scooped out her ice cream, there was a golden scab stuck stuck to the scooper. My friend said that she deserved it because it was found while scooping her ice cream and it was her birthday, and I went crazy, and I beat her up.

Ida: Hmmm, the violent type.

Heather
Ida: Hello radio world, the third golden scab has been found in Toronto, Ontario. Heather, may we have a word?

Heather: DON'T TALK TO ME DURING MY PEDICURE! Well, if you really want to know how I found my golden scab, here it is. My daddy bought thousands of containers of ice cream, and finally one of those lousy workers found the blasted golden scab. She tried to hide it, but my daddy stopped her, and she was immediately fired.

Ida (sarcastically): Isn't that just the nicest thing?

Ezekiel
Ida: ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE FOURTH GOLDEN SCAB HAS BEEN FOUND IN IQALUIT, NUNAVUT, LEAVING ONLY THE FINAL GOLDEN SCAB TO BE FOUND! Ezekiel, may we have a word?

Ezekiel: Ewww, I got a woman reporter?

Ida: What's that suppose to mean?

Ezekiel: Men are better at everything than women, including reporting.

Ida: COME HERE, YOU LITTLE B*STARD! (Ida begins mercilessly beating Ezekiel) TURN OFF THE CAMERA!

Day of the Tour
Beth: Well, today's the day of the tour, so this ice cream bar is my last hope. (she rips open the bar, and there's no golden scab) CRAP! (the rest of the wrapper falls off, revealing the final golden scab) Whoa, I did not see that coming. GRANDPA JOE! GRANDPA JOE! I DID IT! I DID IT!

Grandpa Joe: You finally went on the toilet?

Beth: NO! I FOUND THE LAST GOLDEN SCAB!

Grandpa Joe: YOU DID IT, BETH!

Beth: YEAH, LET'S GET TO THE FACTORY!

PART 2: CONKA'S FACTORY
Ida: Hello everyone, we're at the gates of Conka's factory, where the winners are about to enter.

Conka: Welcome everyone. Now for you to enter my factory, the winners need to eat their golden scabs.

All: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

(the 5 winners reluctantly (except for Owen) eat their scabs)

Conka: OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! Now on with the tour.

The Chocolate Syrup Room
Conka: Please walk over this small bridge that goes over the chocolate syrup river as we enter the chocolate syrup room.

(Owen walks over last and the bridge shatters under his enormous weight, causing him to plunge into the chocolate syrup river)

Conka: Whoa, we got rid of you faster than I thought we would.

Owen: THIS IS AWESOM.......AHHHHHHHHH!

Hatchet-Loompa doompa-dee-doo,

I've got a perfect puzzle for you!

Hatchet-Loompa doompa-dee-dee,

If you are wise you'll listen to me.

(Owen walks in covered in chocolate)

Owen: What do you get when you eat nonstop?

Eating continuosly until you pop?

All: Where will you get if you're round and you're fat?

No restuarant will ever serve you!

Cuz you'll clog up all their toilets with poo.

Hatchet-Loompa doompa-dee-dah!

If you stop eating you will go far!

You will live in happiness too!

Like the Hatchet-Loompa doompa-dee-doo!

Heather: That's a shocker........not! Hey Beth, how bout this, I'll pay you handsomely for all of your chocolate.

Beth: Sure!

Conka: Please step this way as we head to the mix-in room!