User blog:Thebiggesttdifan/Let Them Eat CAKE! (SPOILERS)

Why is that voting thingy always there on the blog post title? Seriously, who would want to RATE a blog post?

Anyway, the title refers to the band CAKE. I only have one album of theirs (Prolonging the Magic) but their songs are pretty neat. Don't you think?

Other than that there's really nothing else I wanted to say...except for the fact that I am bringing out a preview of Total Homesick Island Chapter 1! Yeah, THI premieres before WTFM.

24 15-year-old children wait to get on different trains to depart to “an uncharted location”…well, at least that’s what it says on the flyer. They’re all pretty different. But all 24 of these children have one thing in common. They can’t stay away from their closest relatives.

“What are you trying to do to me?” wails one homesick high school sophomore by the name of Eugene Scotton. “Why are you making me go to this sick camp?”

“Gene, please hush,” says Natalia Scotton, Gene’s mother. “You like sports and you like going to exotic places. This camp’ll be perfect for you.”

“But how am I supposed to last TWO AND A HALF months without you and Father? I can’t even last three whole days!” Gene continues crying his eyes out as the train bustles on the track.

“You’ll be fine,” Natalia soothes. Gene makes a face of regret and mopes as he walks toward the train. With one foot on the door and feeling okay, Natalia hollers to Gene, “Don’t forget to call me and your father every night!”

Gene snaps again.



Another homesick child waits at a Boston train station, ready to head off. She grinds her teeth, obviously not trying to disappoint her father.

“Caroline, Caroline, Caroline,” Gary Klotanzomitz booms. “Come on, Caroline, ya feet stuck in cement there?”

“I don’t want to go,” Caroline, also known as Cat, states firmly, looking away from her father. “Your uncle wants you to,” Gary answers. “Look, Caroline, we’ve already registered. You’ve already agreed you’d have a fun experience. Now could you go?” On cue, the train that Cat is supposed to get on pops into the station. “Have fun,” says Gary, giving Cat her suitcase. “I’ll be looking for some decent toothpaste. I’ll mail it to you,” Gary yells as Cat hops on.



In a New York train station, Ray and Larry Fortalicker wait calmly…well, at least they try to wait calmly. Larry keeps freaking out over the fact that the two are going to an overnight camp. “It’s so scary!” Larry shouts, paranoid as usual. “I went to an overnight camp once and—“

“Oh, please do get into that for the third millionth time,” Ray grunts skeptically, rolling his eyes. “Lair, you know this won’t be anything like that. I mean, there’s gonna be technology classes! Typical camps—in other words, camps that make kids like us homesick—do NOT have those.”

“But it’s still gonna be bad!” Larry complains. “Don’t you ever get spastic over this kind of stuff?”

“No,” Ray grumbles. Suddenly he jerks his head up. “Look, there’s the train. Let’s go!” The two head off, worry still in Larry’s eyes.



“Manny, just could you please do this?” Emmanuel Johnson’s stepfather pleads. “Look, I didn’t sign you up for nothing.”

“First, it’s Emmanuel,” Emmanuel corrects. “And second, yeah, you signed me up for nothing to my extent. You’re just pleading for me to go because”—Emmanuel does a mocking of his stepfather—“’We can’t throw this money away! We need it so I can be a big billionaire!’ Aaron, you know I don’t like you. But you also know I get homesick easily, and I personally—“

“No!” the burly man bellows. “You must do this! You MUST, Man—“

“Emmanuel!” warns Emmanuel.

“Okay, sheesh, Emmanuel. You MUST do this.”

“Whatever, Aaron. I’m just letting you know that this isn’t a good idea.”

Emmanuel steps on the train as it rolls away. Aaron gives him an angry glare, then sulks back to his house.

Nathan Stern always had his face blotched with red, dry tear marks from crying of his parent’s death every night. But today, his face was soaked with water.

“Nathan,” his older sister Nina soothes, “it’ll be alright. We all know you get homesick. But if you try to have fun, I think you’ll love it.”

“You really understand, Ni?” Nathan looks up.

“We all do. You know, when I was your age, Nathan, your grandparents sent me to an overnight camp. It was horrible! The food was horrible, the sports were horrible, even the CABIN and CABINMATES were horrible!”

“And that’s exactly how I feel,” sniffs Nathan.

“But you know, Nathan, I thought a lot about that camp after awhile,” Nina says softly. “And I learned to go along with it. And in two shakes of a lamb’s tail, those two and a half months whizzed by.”

“Thanks for the advice, Ni,” Nathan comments. “I’m not sure it’ll help, though.”

“Just remember, Nathan, we’ll call you, email you, record footage from where we’re at and give it to you. Just remember that, Nate. Remember that.” The train pulls up. “Goodbye, Nathan!” she hollers as Nathan forces himself to run on the train. “See you in ten weeks!”



Alec Kelly approaches the train slowly and carefully, trembling, like you’d approach a hive full of angry bees.

“Good luck!” calls his mother, Ali Kelly. “Have fun!” Alec slowly steps on the train and it pulls away.

“I don’t like the look that kid has on his face,” Pat Ellen whispers nervously to her mother. “He looks seriously scared.”

“Oh, he’ll be okay,” Nell Ellen chuckles. “Maybe you could hook up with him during the camp. THAT would be an interesting relationship.”

“Oh, shut up, mom.” Pat rolls her eyes. “I’m never going to get married, and you know it. So stop acting like you don’t.”

“Okay, but I want you to get over your sexism, Patricia,” Nell orders. “And try your best to be enthusiastic about camp. That’s the way through everything.”

“’Kay, Mom.” Pat steps on the train cautiously, like Alec did. She winces as the doors close behind her.



“Come on!” complains Dylan Narvennan in the San Antonio train station. “No Wi-Fi? What kind of place doesn’t have Wi-Fi?”

“Dylan, please stop thinking just about Wi-Fi,” pleads Michelle Narvennan. “Focus on the camp.”

“But if I focus on the camp, I keep thinking that I’ll be away from you for ten weeks and that…” Dylan’s voice suddenly gets choked up.

“Dylan, it’s okay that you’re homesick. But if you’re going to cry at camp, cry about the fact that you miss us, not that you miss Wi-Fi, and your iPod, and Guitar Hero, and all those other electronics our family owns. Got it?”

“Got it,” Dylan responds, a catch still in his voice. But he can’t back down now. As the midnight train is heard coming in, Dylan feels pain and agony in his steps.

Suddenly, Dylan starts swaying from side to side. He collapses in a dull faint, but luckily the train still hasn’t pulled up. Several other families pull up.

“Is he dead?” asks one child by the name of Cora Oskar. “Should we sue the train station for making him collapse?”

“I don’t think so.” Joe Oskar examines the collapsed boy. “Hey, he’s going to the same camp as you!” he exclaims, pointing to the child’s red and black Camp Nasica Hom-homsich T-shirt.

“O…kay. So we shouldn’t sue the train station?” Cora asks.

“No.”

“Crap,” Cora mutters. She carries the injured boy on her shoulder, then gets on the train. Nobody notices the faint tear that falls off of Cora’s face.



After the leave of Yolanda Kemp, Fren Z. feels more jittery than ever. She reaches for her electric guitar, which always seems soothing to her. But before she can reach it, her father, Trent Qand, stops her.

“Hold on there,” Trent laughs. “I want you to bring my acoustic guitar with you. Little girls like you shouldn’t be obsessed with punk-rock music and all that.”

“Fine,” Fren sighs. “I’ll take this damn hole-filled low-tech gizmo you call an acoustic guitar with me. But I trust you, the minute I get back home, I’m switching back.”

“Got it,” Trent assures. “Please remove your rockstar attitude while you’re at camp for me, though.” Fren ignores him, and hops on the train.