User blog:JERealize/Progress Bar: Issue 033

Okay, so listen. Let me tell you. Of a story not to be forgotten. The story of Julian's abandonment on the entire Total Drama canon series.

(December 3, 2013)

Wait. I don't think I heard you right.
Yes. You did.

Wait. So you just said you just... abandoned the series?
Yes. I did.

Is this a... dream or something?
Go on and test it. (picks up boat paddle) See if it holds water. (whacks Heading 2 in the face; Heading 2 proceeds to fall on the ground)

(moans of pain)
Okay. Let me explain. I just watched the first... seven minutes of the finale. And I couldn't stand it. Not a bit. If you don't know what I mean, just watch the first seven minutes. It was completely unbearable.

As a result, I do not wish to continue the series. Also, I cannot bear the stigma. Too few of my friends even know about the series, much less like it. Plus, I can't seem to get any further on my first story. I feel really close to abandoning the wiki.

Fortunately for you... I do not aim to abandon the wiki just yet. On one condition. If at any time you are to spoil any part of the final episode, whether on chat or comment or blog or page, I shall leave for good. I've only watched up to the point where Alejandro and Heather confessed their love for each other. The part when every other eliminated contestant blew away in the wind was no good, either.

So no spoiling beyond that. No way.

(silence)

Wow. Normally, I would get Heading 2 to bring in the new sections. Alright, I guess I'll have to take over.

You see, last week, I got to see Catching Fire. The only problem was, I had to go back into theatres to see another movie with my little sisters, just last weekend. And since Catching Fire was no longer an option, I had to find the second-best movie available. At the time, that would be Frozen.

If you haven't heard of it (I know I haven't), it's a Disney movie about... well, I didn't know what it was until I watched it. And, since Bum Reviews didn't come out with their review of it (they did for Catching Fire, but that's a story for another time), I guess I'm flying solo on this.

We start out with two sisters; one of them, Elsa, seems to have control over ice. She and her sister, Anna (don't know how it's spelled, and don't ask me to check it) go into the hall to play, but have an incident, as Elsa accidentally knocks Anna out with an ice beam.

(It's super effective! Anna fainted!)

(Sorry for the Pokemon reference.)

Anyway, her parents send Anna to a pile of tranlsforming rock rolls, or goblins, or whatever (who cares, they only have small parts in the movie), and the rocks have to erase Anna's memories of Elsa's powers to fix her. Plus the parents (king and queen of... how do you spell it?) reduce the amount of human contact they and the sisters have, which results in Anna getting bored of her life, and singing about it. (I hate irrelevant musical numbers.) As for Elsa, she gets paranoid over her powers, as too much fear is said to destroy her.

A few years after the king and queen get killed by a monster (storm), the gates of the castle open for Elsa's coronation as queen. Anna finds a boy and they get engaged on the same day. (His name is Hans, I think.) Elsa refuses to bless the wedding and Anna ticks Elsa off to the point where Elsa practically freezes the kingdom as she storms out of it. Anna leaves Hans in charge as she goes out to get Elsa.

In this frozen abyss, Anna finds Kristov (or however his name is), and his reindeer partner Sven, and they agree to a team-up... somehow. As they do this, Elsa makes her own ice kingdom, and an ice dress while she's at it. (In a musical number? That hurts.) Eventually, Anna, Kristov, and Sven find a living snowman named Olaf (from Anna's memories), and they go together to the North Mountain.

Eventually... Hans goes off on a rescue party to bring back Anna, while a representative of Weaseltown ("Wesselton!") ("Sorry.") Wesselton, aims to kill Elsa. Anna's team makes it to the ice castle first, and Anna chats (or sings) with Elsa the Ice Queen. They... don't really settle their differences, and Anna's group gets scared off by a living snowman abomination. (Literally.) They have to jump a cliff 200 feet into a pile of snow to cushion their fall. (Seriously? Not even the Russians could survive that grade of fall.)

Hans' team finds Elsa, and after a while of blows from either side (and an attempt to stoot Elsa with a crossbow, meaning that this movie might take place in the 17th or 18th Century), Elsa gets arrested and sent back to the kingdom to await further orders. Anna, however, is debilitated by an ice beam to the heart--

(Critical hit!)

Enough! Anna's group has to see the rock creatures (which practically raised Kristov and Sven as one of their own), yet the rock creatures say there's nothing to be done... unless an act of true love saves her. Eveyone jumps to the conclusion that she needs a kiss from her true love, and Anna parts ways with the others to find Hans, who returned to the kingdom and shackled Elsa in the dungeon in the process.

Anna meets Hans, yet Hans decides not to kiss her, as his plan of eliminating Elsa and Anna and taking over the kingdom has almost fallen into place. He locks up Anna and pronounces her dead, but now there are a few more issues.

Olaf (the snowman) tries to keep Anna warm (at the price of him almost melting), but Anna takes a last-ditch effort to find Kristov and Sven, who so happen to be en-route to the castle. Elsa breaks out... but her fear causes a blizzard that makes everything look like we're actually watching The Day After Tomorrow. As Anna spots Kristov, she also notices Elsa, about to be struck down by Hans. Anna rushes in as a human shield against the wrath of her blade, but turns into an ice sculpture in the process. And somehow... Ice beats sword, Hans gets twarted, Elsa saves Anna by hugging and the kingdom through love.

Wow, I hate this ending.

I mean, there were a lot of issues I had in this movie, even if you understand that Disney made it. I would give this a Good 38 (6.9/10). I've explained some of the issues through the summary. You probably didn't ask for this review, but I throw every movie I watch in theatres out in the open, since I usually get to go to the theatres about once a year. (Two times this year.) Well, let's move on to the "Anything Else" section. Anyways, we're done. Goodbye. And no spoilers.
 * "The Next Generation" preview
 * After learning his mother's story, Brett is ready to take on "The Next Generation"... Until Brett was knocked out upon arriving at his destination... and losing his memories of his hometown, his mother, and expecially the experience he may have gathered. He faces up against 15 other contestants his age, also suffering the same issues, and a lot of conflict and punishment. Will he make it to the million? Will he not? Will we ever know who Brett's mother is? Find out on the release of "Total Drama: The Next Generation", coming soon.
 * This is a joke, if you couldn't tell. I have no idea if this will ever come out, or if the redlink will ever lead anywhere. Gideon may never release this story, but if anyone did, I would like to see it.

Black Friday's only for those who don't know what Black Tuesday was. (Talk | Blogs | Contributions) 05:55, December 4, 2013 (UTC)