User blog:JERealize/Progress Bar: Issue 028

Hi, all! I am psyched, all! This is the review of TDAS Episode 9: Zeek and Ye Shall Find. But first, get the review of the first ever Steven Universe episode from me, and follow the TDAS review with a little compare-and-contrast between two alternate endings for one of TD's seasons. So, let's begin!

(November 7, 2013)

Steven Universe Review?
Bad news: I cannot do that. I was never around when it first aired, and I don't know how to find the link to watch it, so... at this time, though, let me introduce this...

New Ranking System
Look at this. Holy grail, is this new!

From this point onward, I will be using a new ranking system that combines identifiers with numbers, as described in the upper example of the posted image. A Good or Bad will differentiate the distance number from zero, and the farther the number is from zero, the less meh (or neutral) it is.

For example, if I get these examples: So, it's a simple translation to the new system. Anyways, let's get on to the review of Episode 9. Let me warn you: I have the ad-prone video again, so it might be a while...
 * Good 80 = 9/10
 * Bad 40 = 3/10
 * Good 10 = 5.5/10
 * 0 (meh value) = 5/10

TDAS Episode 9: Zeek and Ye Shall Find
So to start, we see Alejandro enjoying his stay at the spa-hotel. And guess who showed up to the one-man party? Chris. Apparently, since he lost his "cottage" estate, Chris is now skinny-dipping in the hot tub. Okay...

Alejandro had sense to leave the scene, and he found something within the spa-hotel: the monitoring room. Okay, seriously, who expected it to be in the spa-hotel? I thought it would maybe be where the contestants couldn't access it. Well, let's move on. So, Alejandro found all the recent footage from the season, and looks at one of the disk cases.

"Hmm, Mal's greatest hits..."

Didn't know Alejandro read scribbles. How can animated characters do that, anyway? It's like throwing a Pokèball into a battle without having any idea what's inside it, if there's anything at all.

Alejandro plays the footage, and it indeed shows all of Mal's big plays (except for him sucker-punching Izzy), and a new scene where Mal intends to hide the votes for Cameron in the cabins. To be precise, under Alejandro's pillow. Mal should take up a job as a tooth fairy.

"Planting evidence in my loser cabin bed? Nice try, but I will not be framed."

Alejandro runs in to fix up the problem, so when Mal suggests the idea of searching for clues to Cameron's elimination to Zoey and Cameron, guess what?

"What?"

"Anything there?"

(stammers) "No."

The evidence was moved to Mike's bed. Wow, clever play. I am liking this episode already. Now, Cameron and Zoey are pointing fingers at Mal.

"Anything you can do, I can do better..."

Yeah, like referencing the episode where you eliminated Bridgette. I think.

"...and look better doing it."

Oh. You weren't done. Continue.

So Alejandro swipes the disk on Mal, as Mal barely manages to get himself out of a tough spot.

"Why would I stick them under my mattress and then suggest searching the cabin?"

This kind of stuff freaks Cameron out.

"I'm the lone wolf. I'm the new Lightning! Sha... something!"

Seriously, Cameron is really pathetic at this time. Hope the producers can do something with this.

And now we're in the next day. As the campers leave for the McLean Spa Library, Scott tripped on a floorboard and tumbled to the bottom of the stairs... and Courtney follows.

And... they fall into a kiss? And they both like it?

Weird.

Anyways, Scott gives Courtney a makeshift ring from his shoelace, and asks for her to be her girlfriend... and does very badly at it.

"Will you be my boyfriend-- uh, no, my boy friend-- ugh, me yours, me boy, just... will you go out with me?"

Ugh. Painful first impression, Scott. Painful, indeed.

Courtney accepts and stores the ring in her pocket. I guess Scottney is a reality now.

Mal is outside of the spa-hotel, pretending to disagree with Alejandro, and telling an arriving Cameron that Alejandro and his "allies" were conspiring against Cameron. And he suggests that Cameron should get someone to ally with the duo and Zoey.

After that, we're in... the library? What? This is the monitoring room from before. Chef is inside, but not Chris.

"Just hush up! You'll see in a minute."

I guess CN still hasn't used [http://smosh.wikia.com/wiki/Shut_Up! Smosh's catchphrase] on this show yet. Wow, are they restrictive.

Then, Chris's face shows up on a screen, in front of a celebratory feast.

"Welcome to Episode 100 of--"

''[http://smosh.wikia.com/wiki/Shut_Up! SHUT UP!] ''

"To celebrate, I have an extra-special 100th episode challenge."

And as he laughs... a figure is seen behind him. This can't be good...

"I hope no one is allergic to rhinocerouses, or fire, or poison, smallpox, gluten..."

Wha... Ezekiel? Feral Ezekiel? Chris! Behind you!

"Please, don't interrupt."

At least we confirmed the rumors that Zeke was in this episode. And Chris gets sacked from behind, and... oh no...

(Ezekiel knocks off JER)

(Knockout!)

And Chef loses his coffee, and the picture goes out. Way to blow it, Chef.

"New challenge: Find Chris!"

I guess, so far, this is only the second time Chris' original challenges get scrapped. The last time that happened was in TDRI's episode "Eat, Puke, and Be Wary".

"We accept this challenge, but only if the one who finds Chris gets immunity for the next vote."

"And permanent residence in the spa-hotel for as long as they're in the competition."

"And they get to send one person to Boney Island."

"Fine, deal! Just find Chris!"

At least the campers are good negotiators.

"Last season, Zeke was living in a mine. Maybe that's where he took Chris?"

"To the mine!"

Wait a minute, wasn't the mine sealed off in that same season? In that same episode?

"Maybe there's another way in."

''[http://smosh.wikia.com/wiki/Shut_Up! SHUT UP!] ''

Anyway, Chef heads back to the monitoring room. So, I guess we're on this.

"Um, yeah, sorry, but it's our one-hour anniversary, and three's a crowd. Sorry."

So... Gwentney is over? What? To be honest, I'm more stable on the Gwentney issue than on the Scottney issue. This might hurt a bit. So Gwen is turned down by Scottney and Alejandro, and even Cameron has problems with her.

"She disses me, then wants to hang out with me? Make up your mind!"

Scottney finds a way in, and Scott tries for fail:

"Ladies first... or is that wrong cause this is dangerous? ...or is that wrong cause this is the 21st Century? Or is it the 22nd?"

Courtney goes in first.

"Uh, cool."

Scott, stop trying.

"If you're ever in Holland, go Dutch."

(sighs) Next.

As Mike, Zoey, Cameron, and Gwen search holes in the ground that may lead to the mine, Gwen suddenly realizes she's afraid of being buried alive. She even mentions it word-for-word. But she falls into a hole she never saw coming. That shut her up.

Zoey jumps in after Gwen, and Mike and Cameron team up and go down another hole. Alejandro finds another way into the mine, but his shoe is stuck on some rocks. Tough luck getting a partner, Alejandro.

Meanwhile, Chris finds himself dangling over a vat of... toxic waste, is it? I guess Chris is facing his lawsuit firsthand this time. And guess who's there to greet him?

"Ezekiel!"

Only now is he realizing that Zeke has some beef with him. Wow. It took so long, didn't it?

Beisdes that, Mike and Cameron can't find Zoey and Gwen (maybe intentional on Mal's part?), Gwen can't get her flashlight to work, and...

"We've got sound. Now, where's the dang picture?"

Whoops. Chef's talking to us.

"Oh, you want an update? I got no idea what Zeke is up to, where Chris is, or where the kids are at. And I got no idea how we're gonna find any of that out with the monitors on the fritz."

"On Total. Drama. All--"

"Fix the monitor!"

Did... did that intern talk? Wow. Really? That's what they're giving us for the 100th episode? Some intern sass? Wha?

Well, let's move beyond that. I got ADS again. So, let me take you on a dare. I dare you to eat a slice of bread with peanut butter spread on it in one bite.

Okay, good. That wasn't the tough part. For $10,000, answer me this: Who shot Alexander Hamilton in an 1804 duel? You have ten seconds.

(mumbling heard)

What's that, now?

(mumbling heard)

I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up.

(more mumbling for an extended time)

(ding!)

I'm sorry, but your time is up. We were looking for "Aaron Burr". Anyways, while you did not get the correct answer, nor the $10,000, I can indeed say without a doubt that you have no milk in your fridge.

That was fun. Let's head back to the show.

While Gwen walks through the dark, a light shines behind her, and she is caught screaming in terror. Turned out that it was Zoey with a flashlight. What's next is a real prize.

"Zoey!"

"There you are!"

"You scared me half to death! (hugs Zoey) Thank you so much! (let's go) Don't ever do that again! (hugs again) You're the best!"

"I'm here, I'm here. Deep breath in."

(Gwen inhales)

"Blow out the candle."

(Gwen exhales)

"Better?"

(Gwen nods)

"Good. Let's keep moving."

Wow. Zoey is good. That's what I said when I watched this scene.

"Man, she's good."

I already said that, Gwen. Anyways, this and the time when Alejandro messed with Mal in the beginning of this episode were just really good. The Alejandro vs. Mal moment was enjoyable, and so was this scene. This scene especially got me some grins.

Mal proposes to Cameron that the two have to get someone to join their alliance, and thinks up an odd idea... to get Scott on their side by making Cameron kiss Courtney.

"How would Scott beating me up drive a wedge between them?"

"(chuckles) No. You got to make it look like she kissed you."

Sinister. Sinister, indeed. But yet hard to do.

Alejandro escapes...

"Finally!"

But lost his shoe in the process. Meanwhile...

"Where's all this anger coming from? Was it Season 3, whem I kicked you off the plane, made everyone hunt you down, and threw you in a volcano?"

Chris? What are you doing?

"Was it last year, when I sealed you inside a mine filled with toxic waste?"

Chris... I suggest you reconsider...

"Oh! Was it this season, when I flew you in, just to boot you out again?"

Chris, have you no value over your own life?!

"Ah, you wouldn't let a thing like worldwide-televised humiliation come between us, would ya?"

I think Chris wants to commit suicide.

As for the taphophobic Gwen, she upright notices that Zoey was taken... and that leaves her stammering in the confessional.

Lovely.

Back in the monitoring room, the intern establishes picture, and Chef notices Chris hanging over a vat of toxic waste, to a stammering-in-the-confessional extent.

It was funnier when Gwen did it. At least we know where Zoey is. In a cage.

Not Scott again.

"I like your eyes. Both of them. On your face. They look good."

Please, can we stop this painful lecture?

"Courtney. I'm your girlfriend!"

The two fall into Mal and Cameron, where Mal shoves Cameron into Courtney, and the two kiss. What?

"Sorry. Uh, I mean, whoa, why'd you kiss me?"

And Scott buys it outright.

"You kissed him? Why?"

"I, what? Are you--?"

"Of all the--"

"We fell!"

"You're so--"

"Just what the--"

"This is just--"

"To be f--"

"I can't believe--"

And Mal and Cameron had the sense to get out of there.

"I can't believe I ever liked the eyes inside your face!"

"So now you don't?"

"No! I don't think I--"

Ezekiel comes in with a scary shriek... I didn't have any problems with seeing this on TV but on a PC... (shudders)

Anyways, Courtney and Scott are goners, and Chef, watching everything, is eating a tub of ice cream.

"What? I eat when I'm stressed."

Anyways, Courtney and Scott ended up in the same cage with Zoey, but Scott and Courtney still bicker. I guess Scottney is done.

"The sad thing is, this isn't the worst party I've ever been to."

And in the Mal/Cameron team-up, Cameron falls through a hole, and has to hold on to a plant root, and guess what Mal is up to?

"Hang tight, and I'll go get something to lower down to you. Be right back."

Translation:

"Gravity times nerd arms equals five minutes max before he falls. (laughs)"

Sinister, indeed. Would Mal be the second person on the show to be responsible for the death of another? Besides Chris?

But then Alejandro shows up.

"Require assistance?"

Alejandro actually wants to help. Maybe to gain an ally?

"Grab hold, little one."

"No! I only trust Zoey and Mike. I don't want help from anyone else."

"What if I told you your trust was gravely misplaced?"

"I wouldn't believe you!"

"Then I wish you a soft landing."

Looks like Alejandro didn't get an ally. I guess Cameron's expendable to him. But then again, so is Alejandro. He is whisked away by the hair on his head. And as for Chef...

Let's just say he ate more ice cream than anyone could handle without either puking, exploding, or otherwise dying. And he ran out. This may end badly.

Or not.

"Total Drama will not end at Episode 100."

Chef's packing. I tell you, he's packing.

Like guerillas.

And now, with Alejandro in the cage with the last three, fudge gets flung at them by Ezekiel. Ladies and gentlemen, 100th anniversary fudge has hit the fan.

"I hope Mike and Cameron are having better luck."

Jinxed by the bell. Cameron falls.

"Forget Chris. Find a way out. Forget Chris. Find a way out."

Into a stream. And Gwen notices. Gwen rescues him ans returns him to dry land.

"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

Cameron regains his trust in Gwen, and that's that. They're friends again.

"Come on, let's find Chris together."

Not what Gwen had planned, but whatever. And Mike had plans to 'take care' of Cameron, but that flew out the window.

"Well, that's one problem down."

Yeah, and another one to go-- oh no.

(Ezekiel pounces on JER)

(Double Knockout!)

(JER is rushed out to the infirmary, ??? takes over)

Sorry about that. We forgot to reinforce our fourth wall a while back. Anyways, to sum it all up, Alejandro says that considering Cameron was, at least in his opinion, doomed, Mike accused Alejandro of things that Mike didn't happen to mention. Curious, if you ask me.

Chris is hanging by a thread and is desperate enough to actually negotiate with the rats (which means Chris still values his own life), and Gwen and Cameron find some streamers on their way to the hijacked party. But Chef crashes the party first with a spaghetti cannon. Too bad it failed.

Cameron decides to distract Ezekiel and nearly meets projectile vomit. Hadn't seen that since Season One. But this time, the stuff dislodged the rocks over Cameron, effectively crushing him. Luckily, Gwen nails Zeke with the spaghetti cannon.

"This... is for Cameron!"

Now with everyone rescued, and Cameron pulled out of the rubble, they all leave before Ezekiel (suddenly missing) wail on them again.

"For the record, I would like to state that I, Chris McLean, am not afraid of that sad, misunderstood freak show named Ezekiel."

''[http://smosh.wikia.com/wiki/Shut_Up! SHUT UP!]''

(Chris is scared out of the confessional)

With that nightmarish session over, Gwen won immunity, a conditionally-permament stay at the spa-hotel, and the right to send someone to exile. There goes Alejandro. Again.

However, no vote was needed to eliminate someone, because Cameron had to be med-evac'd. Like in Survivor. However, Mal reveals his true identity to Cameron just before Cameron goes, sending Cameron into screaming fury.

Well, this was fun. According to the new system JER invented, this episode gets a Good 40. It was all right, but sub-par at best--

(??? gets knocked out by a flying golf ball)

(Knockout!)

(JER returns)

I didn't tell you to host in my place! (stomps feet on ???) Disgusting! Anyways, I'll just set the records straight. Let's start with the conflicts I have with this episode. First of all, a med-evac? Seriously? I thought this show was Survivor satire, not a Survivor parody, and much less a Survivor ripoff. Also, who invented the idea of forcing no eliminations if a character involuntarily left the show during an episode? That's lame. Also, shouldn't a med-evac'd character come back if they healed enough to compete? Rob from Hell's Kitchen left the show due to heart disease, and got to come back the next season. He didn't win, but it proved that the system should be done.

Well, enough of that rant. I also wish Ezekiel could recover, because the producers wasted a perfectly good mind one too many times. And the Mal-Cameron endtime thing really stirs up bad memories of the Dott conspiracy. I didn't really want Cameron to stay, though, but the way he got eliminated was just bad. Plus, he knows about Mal. He could have warned everyone.

And another issue I have is not with the story, but with the fact that I didn't predict the elimination again. I said a while back, that I wanted Duncan, Cameron, and Zoey out, in that order. And now the first two has happened, but I didn't see it coming. I failed again. But this time, I won't let that get to me. Zoey will be next out. I will keep betting on that until it happens. I must not fail.

And please, stop knocking me out. I actually want to watch TV without having to sit behind a barrier.

Now, for the good things. I like this new dynamic between Alejandro and Mal. The two could really play off each other, but it's not likely that Alejandro will be out soon as long as he has the DVD from earlier. Which leads me to two issues I still need addressed in this category: What happened to Mike, and what's at the top of that tower?

Also, I realized that I prefered Gwentney over Scottney. The recent Scottney breakup may lead Courtney to be eliminated soon, but I just have to tell you, Scottney was just awful when it became a real thing. As for the challenge itself, it has its good moments, and even though we may never know what the real challenge was supposed to be, I have to congratulate the show for giving us a show as well as a lot to look forward to. The episode gets a solid Good 65. And I really look forward to the next episode.

Although, I have to wonder, in situations when someone is about to reveal that someone else has a secret, why do they reveal the secret first and the person last, if it's better and (sometimes) more efficient to do the inverse? Case in point: The recent preview to the next episode:

"Whatever you do, do not trust--"

(Alejandro gets clocked by a tire)

(Knockout!)

I'm sorry, but the answer we were looking for was "Aaron Burr".

Next.

TDEnding Compare and Contrast: TDRI
Before we begin, I'd like to address something that aired after the new episode of All-Stars. You see, we had this new episode of The Amazing World of Gumball called "The Sweaters", about how Gumball and Darwin try, but fail, to prove they're not hardcore. And I just have to say...

It was terrible.

Seriously, a Bad 70 altogether. It's like they took the two main characters and copy-pasted them into a movie where we were supposed to have true heroes as the protagonists. It's like the two could leave no mark in the story. Seriously, they got nothing done. It was ridiculous beyond belief, not at all even remotely buyable, and worst of all, no one cared about fitting in a decent climax or resolution. Honestly, I'd be surprised if someone out there even found it okay.

Anyways, let's go on to the compare-contrast session. This time: The two alternate endings for Revenge of the Island.

As most everyone around the world saw, Cameron and Lightning were the two finalists. The bane of Scott was well behind us, and who knows where the losers resided. The two finalists got the treat of meeting with someone they cared about via satellite. Cameron got to see his mom (now dubbed "Mrs. Wilkins"), and she says that Cameron's bubble may not be available any longer. As for Lightning, he saw his father in an interview, saying that he would bet his four championship rings on Lightning's victory. Both finalists had everything to lose.

The two then met at the Chris-sessium, where they are to gather any scrap they may need to battle each other. Lighning gets a helmet-pot and a spiked mannequin leg, whereas Cameron develops a combat-ready battle suit with an obvious reference. Then they fight, with Chris, Chef, and the losers (who somehow survived the Hurl and whose residence after elimination is still not revealed) and both sides take beating not only from themselves, but also from the obstacles that Chris set.

Anyways, this is where it gets tricky.

As Canadian fans watched, Cameron was getting wailed on repeatedly, so he unleashed an electromagnetic pulse that trapped Lightning in a steel trap and Lightning was fried by his namesake. Cameron had to make the struggle to tip his now-inactive battlesuit over to make the 3-count pin and win the $1,000,000. However, after surviving the battle relatively unscathed, Cameron decides to spend it on the other campers as Chris gets caught by the government.

However, we notice a different story forming... in America. Lightning was indeed struck by his namesake, but he stayed up while Cameron fell, and Lightning made the 3-count pin to win the prize. He then decided to spend his money on a new stadium, but medical examinations did not give a good outlook for Lightning. Anyways, this ending was only shown for Americans so far, as almost everyone else in the world who watched TDRI received Cameron's ending. Now, which ending was better? That's what I'd like to get across.

Cameron's ending

Now, a constant issue I've noticed with people who watched this ending was with how predictable this ending was. (Think of Slumdog Millionaire predictable, though I haven't watched it yet. Please, no spoilers.) The issue, though, is that he's the better of the good guys going into this Final 2, even though he's predictable. However, what detracts from this being a stable ending is the fact that he made a battlesuit. An item that could easily be the most OP'd thing ever developed for the show, yet somehow makes him a glass cannon most of the time it was used. I mean, I know it's really hard to stretch a battle on so it doesn't look like a curb-stomp battle, but seriously, what?

Also, Cameron has the focus at the last minute to win so he can get air for his bubble once he gets home. And then he gives the money up, in a metaphorical sense, after he wins. This isn't really that bad. He had gained some confidence in himself to decide that he really doesn't need the bubble to survive. The metaphorical story of a baby outgrowing his crib. It's admirable, at best.

Lightning's ending

This is what America got, and I have to blame it on American football. Even my brother preferred this ending over Cameron's. Anyways, we have a jock who somehow managed to make it through to the finals while playing the part of secondary villain. This ending tried to get him fitted for the part of anti-hero. And think about what Lightning has to lose besides the million in this situation: his father's four championship rings. A really high bet, indeed, but was it viable to put this above Cameron's bubble?

Think about it: Most of the time, we never really cared for Lightning's fate, to be honest. He was an extreme egomaniac, he's dumb enough to think Jo's a guy (a true annoyance, that was), and he messed his partners up some of the time. By the last episode, we were ready to care less what would happen to him. But you know what? Lightning somehow won without beating up Cameron up too much, allowing him to outgrow his bubble anyway, but then Lightning suffers as a result of the endgame. Well, that hurts, but it's justified.

The verdict?

Oh, you want to hear it? Anyways, these two endings have their own flavors and their own resolution, but I have to give my point to Cameron's ending, despite it being called "predictable", due to a few things. First of all, how am I supposed to buy all the "Lightning is an anti-hero" jive? I mean, seriously, he hasn't left a good impression over the season. I mean, think about it. In both endings, Cameron decided to outgrow his bubble. In both versions, Lightning is badly hurt. I mean, considering Lightning's ending as to him winning the million dollars, but not taking anything from Cameron, and losing stability in a future football career, seems alright, but considering an OP'd suit was involved, it simply had to win out.

Wait a minute, it shut down just before the endings split ways, didn't it? You know what? I think I'll change my opinion to Lightning's ending. I mean, it doesn't sound good, but Lightning didn't deserve to be a hero. He deserved to have his karma knock him hard... wait, that's only the real reason to like that ending? Just for the fact that Cameron prevailed despite losing to Lightning?

Yeah. You know what? Give Lightning the win. Either way, Cameron still walks away happy and healthy. What does Lightning get besides some cash and the honor of saving his dad's rings? He's bruised and battered, and he may never play in the pro leagues. At least he gains some humility. A true ending where the underdog wins despite losing, and wins more than the winner did. An ending where the winner feels the pain he has to endure to secure his victory, despite having to face the fact that he may have lost more than what he gained. Now, this is what really defines a struggle for fame.

Anything else?
Yeah. Please give me feedback. Am I doing well in writing these reviews? And also, I don't think I'll post my costume anytime soon. I lost the costume contest, anyway.

Well, anyways, I'll see you. And don't forget who won FC of this month. Thank you for reading.

I used to be a salesman like you. Then I shut up and took his money. (Talk | Blogs | Contributions) 06:02, November 8, 2013 (UTC)