Lindsay's Christmas List

DEAR SANTA, Ok Santa! This Christmas I want a lot of things!!! I went to the mall yesterday and my list literally doubled! So, Santa my writing is different because my Daddy is writing it! Mostly because I don't know how to spell a lot of things and all my friends say I have terrible grammar. And I don't even know what that means! I know, I know. Maybe you could give me better grammar this Christmas! Oh! That would be so wonderful! O.M.G. I get all giggly just thinking about it! Christmas is my favorite holiday. The songs. The decorations. AND THE PRESENTS! O.M.G. IT'S ALL JUST SO PERF! My Daddy told me that "perf" isn't a word, but I told him it should be and to keep it in anyways. O.M.G. I just realized that I haven't even started my list and it's all ready soooo long. Daddy just told me that I shouldn't be putting so many o's in "soooo", but who really cares? I certainly do. But, my Daddy does. But, I don't and whatever I say is right! Right? My Daddy says "yes". Ok, Santa. I'm ready to start my list!


 * First of all, I want an elephant. I mean who doesn't want an elephant. Exactly. Everyone! Like elephants don't poop, so it'll be perf...Daddy says they do poop. I asked him where do they pooped. He says nevermind. Ok, so I would like an elephant because I could ride it to school. To the mall. To parties. Back home. To friends' houses. I could keep it in the backyard, they only grow to be like eighty inches.


 * My Daddy says he doesn't want to write out "I want a..." so he's just going to put the item on the list and write the reason why. I really don't care, so he can do whatever he wants to the writing. I'm just saying what comes out my mouth and he writes it. He could correct the grammar and stuff, but he just can't change anything I say. He HAS to write down whatever I tell him to write or what I say. Let's get on with the next thing I want. I would really like those CUTE pink high heels I saw at the mall. You know the one. It's sparkly, it has a little cute polka dot bow on it. It's so me! It would go so well with the clothes I am also asking for!


 * A White and Black Dress: Alright, like I was saying before this dress could go so cutely with the shoes! I could show it off on Instagram and on Facebook. O.M.G. everyone will be so jealous! Ok, so this dress is white. BUT, it's also black. I was so confused at the moment and I was trying to figure out how this even happened, I decided to not question it.


 * Every Single Thing in Forever 18: Okay, so literally everything in that store is SO PERF. I mean not everything, but most of it. Just throw all the ugly clothes in the trash. I'm not going to wear it, so what's the point? Exactly. There is so no point. That's why I need the clothes. If I don't have different clothes on every single day of the year, I'm going to scream. I will die. I will never live again. My life will be over. Nothing will be the same. I will kill myself. Like Forever 18 is literally my life. It's just so perf.


 * A UPhone7: O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G.! All of my friends has one and I don't want to be left out on not having one. EVEN BETH HAS ONE! I got so mad at her we stopped talking for like a gazillion days. But, we're okay. We still go to the mall together. Ok so this phone can literally do everything! I could text. I could go on apps. I could go on Instaglam. I could go on BookFace...*Lindsay goes on saying all the apps she uses*


 * A puppy: I REALLY WANT THIS SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 * A pug: That's the kind of puppy I want!


 * A kitten: Same reason as the puppy.


 * A mouse: They look cute.


 * A monkey: He could do my homework. He could play with me. He could do my hair. We could be besties. Also, he has to be able to keep secrets because I want to be able to tell him EVERYTHING! He also can't talk to anyone but me. Only me! That way he doesn't cheat on me and becomes another person's bestie. And I don't want that. :( ( I was forced to put that...)


 * A million dollars: I couldn't win it on Total Drama so I had to ask for it for Christmas. It's not a lot to ask for. Like Oprah has five gillion dollars. So, you could take a million from her and she wouldn't even notice. She'll earn it back in a week by talking to someone.


 * Rudolph: Please!!!!! Can I borrow him just for one day!!! And the next day he could be yours! I just wanna see how it is to fly on a reindeer. I would feed him a lot of food! What kind of food does it like? Does it like carrots? Apples? Nutella? Tumblingr? Computer chips?


 * 5 million likes on all my Facebook posts: O.M.G. My life would be perf if I got this many likes. I would never ever everever ever ever ever ever ever (too many "ever's", oh God, please help Lindsay and her grammar, she insists to have this many "ever's") ever ever ever ever ever EVER ask for anything again!


 * 1 billion followers on ALL of my stuff: Same reason as the one above!!!!


 * Everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Most Cutest Girl in the World,

Lindsay ♥

P.S. I would've putten more stuff on this list, but Daddy said this was enough. I got really mad, but he told me if I put more stuff there wouldn't be enough stuff for the homeless. I got really sad. I cried for like two years. Then, I remembered that homeless people wouldn't have a place for a tree so there wouldn't be any presents anyway. That's when I got mad again and I almost died because I tried to hit my dad and he yelled at me. That got me scared. Then, I stopped. I'm really sorry Santa. I didn't mean it. I hope this doesn't mean I'm on the Naughty List. Then, I'll be really sad. Like really really really really really really really really really really sad.

P.S.S. Okay, so Lindsay has left and I need to add something to this list. Lindsay really needs mental help. I've tried everything. It'll be a miracle if Lindsay gets a working brain. I tried sending her to the mental hospital, but she was so idiotic that they classified her as "retarded". It really breaks my heart, knowing that my poor baby is able to park at a Handicap space and she doesn't even have a problem with her brain. Except that she's the dumbest girl in the world. It really hurts saying that about my own daughter. Everyday I pray that Lindsay will become normal. It'll be a Christmas miracle if Christmas morning Lindsay will be able to fathom her dumbness and form an actual sentence... I guess that's all.