Total Drama REVamped



For better or for worse, Total Drama Revolution is one of the more... well-known Total Drama fanfictions on this wiki. Now, the original author Toadgamer80 -- with some help from Manatee12 -- is here to completely reimagine everything about this controversial 2011 gem! Total Drama REVamped features the same 20 characters, same setting, but new and different teams, eliminations, and for the first time ever, actual plots. Join Chris McLean and a very... unusual cast of characters in Revolution City in a competition for $1,000,000!

Contestants
Abbey

Antoine

Cammy

Chelsey

Dolph

Donny

Elle

Gustavo

Kavren

Kim

Lizza

MacKenzie

Mattie

Northworth

Ori

PJ

Tasia

Toad

Trick

Vincent

Chapter 1 - The Canadian Revolution
“Hello, and welcome!” says Chris McLean, standing in front of a large skyscraper. Behind him is a cityscape featuring many other skyscrapers, as well as a highway with cars zooming about stretching both sides. “I’m here in Revolution City, where 20 all-new contestants are about to begin the most grueling game show in Canadian history! Last season, on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, our 16 contestants battled it out on a volcanic island, with angry Julia beating annoying Arthur to be our second winner. Oh, and her money was stolen! Or at least attempted to be stolen. Poor guy, Trey, he’s going to be spending quite a while on that island… But anyway, if you thought LAST season was intense, get ready for this. We have a whole new cast, with plenty of… interesting characters, arriving here in a second to begin their competition for 1 million bucks, right here on Total… Drama… Revolution!”

[theme song]

A large bus pulls up next to Chris and Chef Hatchet, who is now lurking menacingly behind Chris, and the doors open.

“Oh, here’s our first contestant!” says Chris.

A young-looking, extremely short boy wearing a shirt with a purple “T” on it steps out of the bus.

“Hey, where’s the bathroom? I gotta poo,” he says in an incredibly high voice.

“Oh, hello, little boy!” says Chris. “You must be in the wrong place. See, this is Total Drama, and all our contestants are 16 and up. So hang tight for a sec and let me just get you a tasty cookie and some coloring books, and…”

“I’m a contestant!” the boy shouts angrily. “I’m twelve-and-a-half years old and my name is Toad Gamereighty! I talked to THAT guy on the phone,” he motions to Chef, “and he said I could compete. I’m gonna be the youngest contestant ever!”

“Uh, Chef…” says Chris, gritting his teeth but still attempting to flash a TV-worthy smile. “We’re going to have a little… talk once this episode’s over…”

“Yeah, uh, whatever y’ say, Chris,” says Chef, beginning to sweat.

“So can I stay or not?” says Toad.

“Yeah, fine,” says Chris grumpily, right as another bus pulls up. “Oh, here’s our next contestant! Everybody, say hello to Northworth!”

“You only live once! That’s my motto!” yells a boy who is almost as short as Toad. He has a comically long torso, small legs covered by blue pajama pants, thick eyebrows, a scar under his left eye, and prominent ears, and is folding his arms in an attempt to seem tough.

“Northworth?” says Toad, trying to hold in hysterical laughter.

“What was that, jinglebrains?” he says, immediately running up to Toad. “You better watch what you say, or I’ll give you a Texas wedgie.” He smiles widely.

“Nah, guy, I just… I think your name is totally cool and anyone who has it is NOT a fool!” says Toad.

“Whatever, bruh,” says Northworth. “You’re on thin ice right now. I’m watching you. One misstep and your drawers will be headed straight to Texas.”

A leggy blonde walks out of the bus. She’s wearing a maroon t-shirt, dark blue jeans, and a ruby necklace. After glancing at the bickering Toad and Northworth, she awkwardly walks over to Chris.

“Hello there! You’re the host, right? I’m MacKenzie,” she says cheerfully.

“Yes! Ladies and gentlemen…” begins Chris. “I mean, only gentlemen because we just got our first lady, but anyway, this is MacKenzie!”

Toad shuffles over to MacKenzie, his eyes lining up with her chest, and begins to stare. “Hey lady, you’re hot.”

“Aw, thank you!” says MacKenzie. “You’re pretty cute too.” Toad’s eyes widen. “Yeah, you remind me of my puppy. He’s a Great Dane, so he’s pretty tall, but he’s so adorable!” Toad grumbles something under his breath.

“MacKenzie, it says here that you joined this show to get yourself away from…” says Chris, checking a pad of paper. “Severe emotional trauma. Wow, that sounds fun.”

“Ha! Chris, you’re in luck! This ninnyhammer right here is gonna experience severe emotional trauma once his pants are wedgified,” says Northworth. “Swag!”

MacKenzie looks uncomfortable. “Uh, Chris, I thought nobody was going to view those forms…”

“Nobody but me, that is,” says Chris.

He and Chef giggle to each other as a tall man with a purple button-down shirt, a toque depicting the American flag, and a soul patch walks out of the bus.

“Salutations, everyone. The weather is just wonderful today, is it not? My name is Dolph,” he says in a British accent. “Now remember, kids, teasing is wrong.”

An overweight, auburn-haired girl with glasses walks out of the bus and straight into Dolph’s back, and he jumps forward and yowls in pain.

“YOWZA!” yells Dolph. “Watch where you’re going, you myopic manatee!”

“...” she says, slinking back into the bus.

“B-b-but didn’t you say teasing was wrong?” asks MacKenzie, with a bewildered look on her face.

“Eh, yeah, I say many things,” shrugs Dolph.

Chris takes out the same pad of paper he examined while talking to MacKenzie. “Dolph, it says here that you’re the editor of your school’s newspaper, known for your column where you dispense sage advice about the world. Any truth to that?”

“Oh, yes,” says Dolph. “See, I get letters from all sorts of wonderful students. You know, I thought MY life was bottom-of-the-barrel, but these blokes truly test my patience.”

“Well, all this talking is testing patience, so let’s move onto the next contestant!” says Chris. Before he can finish, a black-haired girl falls out of the bus and slumps onto the ground, unconscious.

“Oh my gosh, is she okay? Chris, can’t you call 911?!” exclaims MacKenzie.

Another girl runs out of the bus soon after. This girl has short blonde hair, a tank top adorned with multicolored peace signs, and neon green sunglasses.

“Nobody move or do anything! I’m certified in CPR and lifeguarding, I can help her!” she says, rushing to the fainted girl and taking items out of her backpack. “Okay, don’t worry, you’ll be conscious soon…”

“Hehehe, she’s about to give her mouth-to-mouth,” says Toad.

“Dude, that’s hot,” says Northworth in response.

The blonde-haired girl kneels over the fainted girl, ready to perform a medical procedure, but the other girl wakes up just in time. “Whaaaaa? Where am I?”

“Well, that was an… explosive intro, but everyone, this is Tasia!” says Chris. “Oh, and Mattie, I guess.”

“Suuuuh, duuuudes?” Tasia asks, getting up from the ground. “Maaan, I’m tired. That bus ride took sooooo much outta me…”

“Uh, it was only 20 minutes long,” says Mattie. “But regardless, I’m glad you’re okay! That was terrifying. Back at my summer camp, I got into situations like that all the time.”

Mattie turns around to see Toad poking her butt.

“Hey lady, I was just wondering if you were gonna kiss that other girl as part of your CPR or something. Can you still do it?” he asks.

“Naaaaah, maaaan, I don’t swing that waaaay…” says Tasia. “Actually, sometimes, buuuut…”

Mattie slaps her head. “I’m not even going to respond to that. Are you twelve? You remind me of one of my campers.”

“...Yes, actually!” says Toad in a huff. “What, I haven’t gone through enough puberty for you?”

“Oh, my poor child,” says Dolph, patting Toad’s back. “You’ll learn one day.”

An odd-looking lanky boy with long brown hair jumps out of the bus in a monkey-like fashion. “Have you seen my cucumber?!” he shrieks.

“I have not, Kavren,” says Chris with a slight smirk. “I’m sure MacKenzie has, though!”

Kavren jumps over to MacKenzie. “Have you seen my cucumber?” he repeats. “It’s very long and thin. It likes to run away from me. Where is it hiding in?” He winks.

“Uh…” says MacKenzie, with a look of horror. “I don’t know! Ask that guy!” She points to Northworth, who raises an eyebrow.

“Hey there, Mr. Pickle,” says Kavren, walking over to Northworth.

“What are you yakking on about, simple-suds?” says Northworth curtly.

“Simple-suds?! THANK YOU!” yells Kavren, thrusting a fist into the air. A single tear drops from his eye, which attracts many concerned glances.

Northworth is shown in the usual bathroom confessional. “Y’know, I think I might’ve just made that guy’s entire life worth living. Maybe he can be a good minion… Har har har!”

Kavren is shown in the confessional next. “I’m not too popular at school. People don’t really think my brand of humor is that appealing. It’s a bummer, but I’m sure these guys are totally gonna appreciate me! I’m one step closer to being the King of Komedy!”

The next contestant to arrive is a gorgeous girl with strawberry blonde hair, wearing a fancy red shirt with frills. “Hi, I suppose,” she says.

“Not too shabby, eh?” says Chris. “Say hello to Abb--”

He is interrupted by Kavren, who jumps over to Abbey and immediately says, “Howdy doody! You’re a class-A cutie!”

Abbey raises a finger intensely. “Who are you and why are you so close to me?! I need you to step at least five feet away, or I’ll kick your pancreas straight out of your body!”

“Bloop!” says Kavren, running away and jumping into Dolph’s arms. Dolph squeezes the pressure point on Kavren’s neck, causing him to faint.

“Violence is never the answer!” yells Dolph.

Mattie walks over to Abbey. “Wow, I’m sorry about that, some of these kids are mentally stuck in middle school. I’m Mattie, by the way.”

“Abbey,” says Abbey, smiling. “I didn’t think I could ever want a boyfriend LESS than I did before I joined this show, but I guess I was just proven wrong.”

“Maaaan, lots of things are wrong with this world,” says Tasia, who’s on the ground again, and Abbey looks at her quizzically.

The overweight, bespectacled girl from earlier walks out of the bus silently, and sets her suitcase on the ground.

“Okay, now THAT was your cue,” says Chris. “Guys, meet PJ.”

“...” says PJ.

“Whooooooa…” says Tasia, crawling up to PJ. “Those glasses… they’re like a portal to another realm, maaaan.”

“...” says PJ once again, before picking up her suitcase and moving far away from Tasia.

“Easy 2/10, man,” says Northworth to Dolph. “Only thing I’d smash her with is a 10-foot pole.”

PJ is shown in the confessional, staring silently into space. “...I’m doomed,” she says softly.

A tall boy with dark skin, long brown hair, and an odd shirt that proclaims his hatred of the color green walks out of the bus, and says, “Hello everyone! Greetings, Mr. McLean! I’m so happy to be here!”

“Take notes, everyone,” says Chris to the others. “Anyway, this class act is Ori!”

“What’s that short for, Orianna?” Northworth scoffs.

“Actually, yes!” says Ori. “I was named after my grandmother. She is an incredibly sweet woman.”

“You’re telling me your name is…” says Northworth, getting teary. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Ori stares at Northworth, with a blank smile plastered on his face. One of his eyes twitches slightly.

“Hey, doodle, it’s all good,” says Kavren, placing an arm around Ori’s shoulder. “Your name reminds me of Oreos, which are super yummy.”

Ori wriggles out of Kavren’s grasp, kneels down, and then assumes the fetal position.

“I’m sorry, Ori, you seem lovely. My name is MacKenzie, it’s really nice to meet you!” says MacKenzie, walking over to Ori. After no response, she turns to Kavren. “See what you did to him?!”

“Soy beans,” shrugs Kavren.

“Ugh, all boys are the same,” mutters Abbey.

“I guess that would make Ori a girl then, wouldn’t it?” asks Dolph.

“Haw! Sick burn, my mans! That wouldn’t surprise me,” says Northworth.

“SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU @#$%!” yells a loud, booming voice from somewhere.

Mattie flinches. “That language is definitely not camp-appropriate,” she says. “But where did it come from? I bet it was that guy.”

She points to a newly arrived man, who has a very intimidating-looking appearance due to his tall frame, substantial girth, and multiple piercings.

“‘Ey, wasn’t me,” he says in a thick Italian accent. “Ciao, I’m Gustavo. Whatchu guys doin’?”

“Your mom!” says Toad, chuckling at what he thinks is an amazing comeback.

Gustavo glides over to Toad. “Ey, punk, you betta watch your mouf! I can kick you to the motherland and back!”

“Finally, someone who knows what’s up! He’s the worst!” agrees Northworth.

Gustavo then moves over to Northworth, looming over him intimidatingly. “What are you laughin’ at, pipsqueak? My beatings aren’t just exclusive to that guy!”

“Duuuude, your voice makes me crave some spaghetti…” says Tasia.

“Y’know, I give up,” says Gustavo, breathing heavily.

An incredibly tall, tanned, and attractive girl walks out of the bus, carrying multiple pastel-colored suitcases as well as a notebook, which she seems to be jotting down notes furiously in.

“I’m here, everyone can hold the applause,” she says. “Okay, let’s just get right down to it, shall we? I’ll start off with Blondie over here.” She glides over to MacKenzie. “You know, you really do have the potential to be cute, but you gotta love yourself, gurl. I can see the awkwardness emanating from your eyes. You gotta believe in your heart that you’re fab, and then you WILL achieve fabitude. Trust me, I’m only trying to help.”

“Thanks, I guess?” says MacKenzie.

“What nonsense are you blabbering on about?” asks Dolph.

“Nonsense?! This is the all-seeing popularity meter, honey. It’s basically the one true measure of how successful of a human being you are,” says the girl.

Dolph frowns. “Popularity is for vapid, self-absorbed simpletons. I bet you wear push-up bras and force yourself to puke after every meal as well.”

“Ew, no,” she says. “Push-up bras are so out of style. Anyway, I’m Chelsey. I’m sure you’ve heard of me before.”

“Hello!” says Ori, who is out of the fetal position. “Your scarf is simply gorgeous. Where can I buy something like that?”

“Um, I’ll tell you once you ditch the graphic tee and start dressing in a way that compliments your body,” Chelsey says. “You have sooo much potential, but it’s all just wasted away! Try a man-bun. It’s a perfect example of the three Ss - simple, stylish, and sexy!”

“AAAAUGH!” screeches Ori. After some stares, he clears his throat. “S-s-sorry about that, I really am. I’ve got quite the chest cold.” Nobody says anything.

“Wow, you really are sexy,” says Toad, walking over to Chelsey. “Wanna go out with me?”

“Ew, no,” says Chelsey. “But you can carry my bags! Almost as good, right?!” She throws her massive suitcases onto Toad, who crumples onto the ground.

A slightly curvy, shy-looking girl with brown hair and a strange shirt depicting a dinosaur in a rapper’s outfit walks out of the bus, and after scanning the crowd, instantly runs over to Kavren. “Oh my gosh! LOLcats!”

“Uh, Cammy, thanks for giving us enough time to properly introduce you,” says Chris sarcastically.

“Holy mayonnaise,” says Kavren. “You’re a dank memer too? The only thing that could make you even better is if you’ve played Billy Bongo and the Banana Brothers: The Game over six and a half times!”

“That’s one of the greatest video games of all time,” says the girl, in awe. “I wrote a review of it for my online gaming magazine. It got five stars!”

“No way! Gamer girls are the best!” drools Kavren. “They say their fast fingers can do wonders.”

“I thought I was about to make my first friend,” says Cammy in the confessional. “But he’s just a creep. Should’ve seen that one coming. How could I be so gullible?”

“Did you say video games?” says Chelsey, walking over to Cammy. “Um, barf. You could do so much better than that, gurl. You’re gorgeous, I mean, just look at your curvaceous figure! I’ve aspired to have that kind of bod for years. Don’t waste it on things meant for five-year-olds.”

"Don't mind her," Mattie says to Cammy. "It's just a phase."

"Nah, I'm used to it," Cammy replies, looking upset.

A peculiar-looking boy with a large purple mohawk steps out of the bus. “Ello!” he says with a thick Australian accent. “My name is Vincent Alan Mackiewicz.”

Cammy’s expression immediately changes to a grin. “OH MY GOSH!” she yells, running over to him. “Your hair is amazing! It’s like Sonic the Hedgehog… but PURPLE!”

“Erm, thank you,” laughs Vincent nervously. “Your name is?”

“Oh, I’m Cammy,” she says. “Pleasure to meet you. You play Sonic too, I assume?”

“Actually, I’ve never played it. I just told my barber to make me easy to spot in a crowd. Hahahaha!” he laughs, before an awkward pause. “I’m just joshin’.”

“Are you… Australian?” asks Dolph, walking over to Vincent. “I’m sorry, but the British master race will soon take over your precious little country. Best for you to flee, bub.”

Gustavo appears behind Dolph menacingly. “Say that again.”

“Uh…” says a visibly uncomfortable Vincent. “Yeah, I’m hungry. I’m gonna go eat some crisps.”

“Ew,” says Chelsey. “I thought this place would be full of people like myself, you know, really hot ones who are at least an 8 on the popularity meter. But nope, looks like I’m stuck with a bunch of weirdos. I guess I can find comfort in the fact that I’ll for sure be first place on the popularity polls, right?”

Immediately after the confessional, a short blonde girl steps out of the bus. “Hey, guidos and guidettes, who’s ready to party?!” she says in a nasally voice.

“Oh my gosh,” says Chelsey. “Blonde hair? Attractive? Seems to be a fan of quality television? Has this aura of sexiness surrounding her? You, my friend, are a 999 on the popularity meter! I mean, I’m a 1,000 of course, but you’ve achieved second place.”

“Hey gurl hey!” says the girl. “The name’s Elle, and I’m here to make sure every day of this competish is a giant banger. So glad to see someone just like me!”

“...Just like her?” Chelsey shudders in the confessional. “Um, NO. I’m so much prettier than her. Appreciating Nebraska Shore is one thing, but if she tries to copy my style, she’s going DOWN.”

“Hottie with a body!” yells Northworth as soon as he spots Elle. He and Toad then proceed to both race over to her and surround her.

“Hey, poopyface, I spotted her first!” whines Toad, and he swats Northworth in the face.

Elle giggles. “A showmance already? I mean, don’t mind if I do,” she purrs, and clutches Northworth’s shoulder as he grins evilly at Toad.

Chelsey looks at the budding ‘romance’ and gasps. “Wow! You’ve found a man already? Good for you, gurl. I’m impressed,” she says with an obvious look of disgust on her face.

“Okay, I hate to distract you all from this wonderful budding romance, but we’ve got a schedule to follow,” says Chris. “Everyone, meet Donny!”

A tall, well-built man with odd, flowing green hair in a ponytail, an unbuttoned green vest above his naked torso, and a pair of exceptionally nice designer jeans walks out from the bus.

“Hey, friends,” he says. “You all seem chill.”

“BLOODLE!” shrieks Kavren, and he jumps out of nowhere, right in front of Donny. “Your chest! It’s so swole! How do you do that?”

“I… uh, go to the gym, I guess?” Donny says. “I never thought I was that buff, but hey, you do you.”

“Ay, don’t beat yerself down, me lad,” Vincent says, comforting him. “You’re so ripped you could wrangle a rabid kangaroo!”

“Uh, I’m gonna assume that’s a good thing?” says Donny. “I like your hair, dude.”

“Sorry I can’t say the same,” teases Vincent.

Donny shrugs. “That’s cool. I can live with that.”

Tasia suddenly arises from the ground, and gets up groggily. “That’s… my life motto, duuuuude,” she says, before passing out again.

Chris looks on at the conversation, and clears his throat. “So, Donny. Seems like a pretty chill guy, huh? Almost… too chill? Thankfully, our next guest is the exact opposite of that. Everyone, meet Li--”

The sound of frantic stomping is heard from the bus, and a tiny brunette with massive eyes scrambles out the door.

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” she shrieks. “Oh my god I’m so excited to see you all my name is Lizza it’s short for Elizabeth but I added an extra Z because I never really catch any Zs at home since I’m always drinking Mountain Fizz and it keeps me up all night and that’s probably why my dad hasn’t talked to me in weeks but whatever I’m here and I’m ready to win a ton of money and buy even more Mountain Fizz with it but actually I just want to meet YOU GUYS because you seem sooooo nice!”

After an awkward pause that seems to last five minutes, Dolph speaks up. “Okay, now speak English.”

“I’d still hit that,” snickers Toad.

“Dude, you’re twelve,” mocks Vincent. “You couldn’t even hit a piñata.”

“That’s what she said!” yells Toad.

“What the--” says Vincent. “That didn’t even make any SENSE! Why did they cast that little twerp on this show, anyway?”

Lizza makes her way through the crowd, and stops in front of PJ. “Oh hi you seem really cool what’s your name I’m pretty sure it’s PJ because I read spoilers on a site right before I got here and it said there was gonna be a girl named PJ and I thought it was short for pajamas but it’s definitely not but anyway it said you were really quiet but also a genius and since you’re not talking right now I can assume you’re just REALLY smart like do you know what e equals I do it equals mc squared HA I bet you didn’t know that one!!!”

PJ says absolutely nothing and stares Lizza in the eye. After making prolonged eye contact, Lizza sprints away.

Donny is drinking a can of soda, and Lizza suddenly sprints up to him. “Hi I’m Lizza your hair is so cool it reminds me of guacamole!” she yells, and a shocked Donny spits out his soda onto a nearby Gustavo’s face.

Gustavo, seething with rage, approaches Donny. “Ey, let’s you an’ me have a talk… friend.”

“Aw, man. Not even 10 minutes in and an angry, ripped Italian man already wants my head on a platter. I hate when that happens,” says Donny.

“Now somebody, anybody, everybody, scream!” announces a new voice. A tall, lanky man wearing a green beanie and sunglasses jumps out of the bus.

“Ew, rapping?” asks Chelsey. “That’s like a negative sixty on the popularity meter. ESPECIALLY if you’re white, or… uh, ambiguously brown.”

The newly arrived guy frowns. “Didn’t even get to introduce myself? Hurtful. Anyway, th’ name’s Antoine. Does anyone actually want to hear my new rap?”

“Ooh, I do!” says Northworth excitedly, jumping up and down.

“Awesome!” says an excited Antoine, and he clears his throat. “Yo, I’m Antoine, and today I--”

“NOT!” interrupts Northworth. “Har har har!!”

A dejected Antoine mopes away, and approaches Toad. “Haters, man. They don’t respect me.”

“I know how you feel,” says Toad. “Am I not hot enough for those ladies?”

“Uh, actually, that’s not what I meant,” says Antoine. “But--”

He is interrupted by many gasps as the next contestant steps out of the bus, an attractive boy with blonde, teen idol-esque hair, colorful clothing, and a massive nose.

“Sup, guys?” he says, and makes a clicking noise.

“THAT guy is hot enough for those ladies,” whispers Antoine.

“Ew, who in the world would fall for that douche?” Abbey says in the confessional. “Ugh. Just look at him. That smug, self-important look. Those sickeningly neon clothes. That gorgeous, flowing blonde hair… UGH!”

Elle is next in the confessional, swooning. “I think I just found my soulmate! Just look at his beautiful blonde locks, and his toned body, and that disturbingly large… nose! It’s showmance time… or, I could use him to get ahead.” She makes a purring noise.

Cammy is seen in the confessional, also swooning. “This doesn’t leave here, okay? Ever since I got an April Levine CD for my seventh birthday, I’ve been totally in love with skater boys. I just want one of them to sweep me off my feet and carry me off on his skateboard… It’ll never happen, though. Am I doomed to only date weirdos like Karen or whatever?”

As the new guy mingles with the other contestants in the background, Abbey scoffs. “Look at that turd. I bet he thinks he’s soooo cool.”

“Yeah, he’s really not my type,” Mattie says. “I prefer people with a little more going on in their head, y’know? Although I have to admit that his nose IS sexy.”

“Do you think MY nose is sexy?!” yells Kavren, jumping out of nowhere.

“Not rea--” begins Mattie.

“Not YOU,” says Kavren. “The cutie patootie right there,” he points to Abbey. “Nose. Sexy. You. Whatcha think?”

“Oh god no, it reminds me of an olive,” says Abbey. “I abhor olives.”

“Awww, noodles-in-a-cup,” says Kavren, and he mopes away, but accidentally bumps into a very tall, imposing figure.

“Excuse you,” she says in a thick Italian accent, and Kavren squeals in horror. She has jet-black hair, long red boots, a white dress, and weirdest of all, an eye patch covering her left eye and a giant syringe covering her left hand.

“Everyone, meet our final contestant…” says a visibly scared Chris. “Kim.”

Lizza runs up to Kim. “Hello Kim I like your name is it short for Kimberly my cousin is called Kimberly she is a bridal shop owner I like the name Kimberly but I like Quimberly better what do you think?” she says in only one go.

Kim says nothing, just nods and continues to walk.

“Ey, a fellow Italian?” says an also visibly scared Gustavo. “I… I like-a your style. Where’d y’ get that… hand thingy?”

“In the war,” says Kim.

Kim is shown in the confessional. “Actually, it’s from Halloween three years ago. I wore it and the eye patch on this show to be more intimidating, and to let the others know I am here to PLAY this game. Now this is where I record my thoughts, eh? I must say that that Lizza girl doesn’t seem like much of a strategic threat at all, but she doesn’t look like a good ally either. First boot, I am calling it. Then again, looking at this cast, the most strategically threatening person here is Chris McLean, so I see no way I don’t make the finale.” She laughs heartily.

“Hey baby,” says Toad, who comes up to about her belly button. “Looking smexy.”

Kim stares at him intensely with her one visible eye, making him pee his pants, and he flees. “Good,” she says.

“I have found another goat who I could potentially lead to the end, and subsequently beat the tar out of. His name is Frog or something, I don’t care. By analyzing him thoroughly, I can tell that he will be very--” Before Kim can continue, the cameraman falls asleep and the tape goes to static.

“Well, now that everyone is here, I guess we have to go through the legal procedures, huh?” says Chris. “Wish we didn’t, but… I guess it’s the ‘law’ or something. Pssh. Anyway, you guys will be staying in those luxurious hotels over there--” he points to a shoddy-looking hotel with broken windows, “and you’ll be divided into two teams with two rooms each, one for the boys and one for the girls! Want to know the teams?”

“It’s about time, you bloody wa--” begins Dolph.

“ANYWAY!” says Chris, ignoring Dolph. “The first team is the Epic Platypi! This team’ll consist of Elle, Gustavo, Donny, Kim, Mattie, Abbey, Kavren, Tasia, Northworth, and Vincent!”

“My name was next to yours, bloopy, it must be a sign,” says Kavren to Abbey, who makes a gagging motion.

“Not to interrupt the two lovebirds, but we’re almost out of time,” continues Chris. “And the second team, the Dancing Bugs, will be made up of Chelsey, Dolph, Ori, PJ, Lizza, Antoine, Trick, Cammy, MacKenzie, and Toad!”

“Bugs? Platypi? Maaaaaan…” says Tasia. “Those names are goooood.”

“Ooooh, now this is what I’m talking about! What a perfect team for me to work my magic on. We’ve got some boys who’ll definitely be drawn to my dazzling, charismatic self, some beta females who I can easily manipulate, and PLENTY of ways to advance my own popularity. Million bucks, here I come!” says Chelsey.

“I’m totally screwed,” says MacKenzie in the confessional. “My team is full of lunatics! This CAST is full of lunatics! The only normal person on my team is that sweet Ori guy, but with my luck, I bet he’ll be gone first. This will be fun…”

“Are you off your rocker, McLean? Insects? Mutated duck-otter things? What do these team names have to do with cities or revolutions?” asks Dolph.

“Shut it!” hisses Chris. “Okay, the episode’s over, you guys can go to your hotels now or whatever.” As the contestants leave, he continues, “Well, that was quite the premiere, we’ve got such a… erm, unique cast! Tune in next time for the thrilling first challenge, and first elimination, right here on Total… Drama… Revolution!”

Elimination Table
Coming soon!

Trivia

 * This project was originally thought up by Mana when he posted one chapter of a TDRev rewrite called "Revolutionary" back in 2013. Although I'm taking over the writing duties, this story is still essentially a collab with Mana, as I'll be using a lot of the plots he created for his own reimagining.
 * I figured this would be a fun waste of time, as well as something  I wouldn't feel pressured to finish, and have become kind of ashamed of TDRev in recent years so I felt like this would soften the blow a little bit.