User blog:Gideoncrawle/G&S Playlist for Life After Lies

Introduction
To commemorate Gigi’s story Life After Lies—long and widely regarded as one of the best, if not the best, noncompetition stories on the wiki—winning Featured Story status, I have drawn from my TDI-G&S verses to create a Gilbert & Sullivan playlist for LAL.

Because this is a playlist, and not a scene-by-scene reconstruction like TDI-G&S will be, the following verses are mostly complete songs and don’t necessarily refer to specific scenes from LAL. Exceptions are noted where they occur. Some verses have a remarkably literal fit, whereas others fit more for their mood than for their description of events.

Click the hyperlinks to hear the tunes on MIDI files at the Gilbert & Sullivan Archive. The MIDI files are freely downloadable, either singly or in bulk, for readers so inclined. The pages housing these files also have the relevant lyrics, including all repetitions, the better to allow readers so inclined to sing along

Indents indicate a change of singer (in the original, not necessarily in the LAL reference), and are included primarily to provide some sense of the music for readers who don’t choose to click through to the MIDI files, although these indents also inform the verse in some cases

The original stage directions are included in a few cases where they help to inform the verse. These directions are italicized and enclosed in brackets, [thusly]. Underlined terms that are not part of hyperlinks are defined in the Glossary.

Verses: Heather’s Backstory
LAL-G&S theme song – recitative and song from Ruddigore

[http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/ruddigore/web_opera/rudd22.html Away, Remorse! ]

Compunction, hence!

Go, Moral Force!

Go, Penitence!

To Virtue’s plea

A long farewell—

Propriety,

I ring your knell!

Come, guiltiness of deadliest hue!

Come, desperate deeds of derring-do!

Henceforth all the crimes

That I find in the Times,

I’ve promised to perpetrate daily;

Tomorrow I start,

With a petrified heart,

On a regular course of Old Bailey.

There’s confidence tricking,

Bad coin, pocket picking,

And several other disgraces—

There’s postage stamp prigging,

And then, thimble-rigging,

The three-card delusion at races!

Oh! A baronet ’s rank is exceedingly nice,

But the title’s uncommonly dear at the price!

Ye well-to-do squires,

Who live in the shires,

Where petty distinctions are vital,

Who found Athenaeums

And local museums,

With views to a baronet’s title—

Ye butchers and bakers

And candlestick makers

Who sneer at all things that are tradey—

Whose middle-class lives

Are embarrassed by wives

Who long to parade as “My Lady”,

Oh! Allow me to offer a word of advice,

The title’s uncommonly dear at the price!

Ye supple M.P. s

Who go down on your knees,

Your precious identity sinking,

And vote black or white

As your leaders indite

(Which saves you the trouble of thinking),

For your country’s good fame,

Her repute, or her shame,

You don’t care the snuff of a candle—

But you’re paid for your game

When you’re told that your name

Will be graced by a baronet’s handle—

Oh! Allow me to give you a word of advice—

The title’s uncommonly dear at the price!

The story of how (a) karma still has a score to settle with Heather; and (b) Heather, having been told that the Organization has been watching her for her entire life, joined the Organization under compulsion. The first 14 lines (i.e. the first soloist verse and first chorus verse) also fit LAL’s interstitial story, Screwed.

Song from Ruddigore:

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

His leisure and his riches

He ruthlessly employed

In persecuting witches.

With fear he’d make them quake—

He’d duck them in his lake—

He’d break their bones

With sticks and stones,

And burn them at the stake!


 * This sport he much enjoyed,


 * Did Rupert Murgatroyd—


 * No sense of shame


 * Or pity came


 * To Rupert Murgatroyd!

Once, on the village green,

A palsied hag he roasted,

And what took place, I ween,

Shook his composure boasted;

For, as the torture grim

Seized on each withered limb,

The writhing dame

‘Mid fire and flame

Yelled forth this curse on him:

“Each lord of Ruddigore,

Despite his best endeavor,

Shall do one crime, or more,

Once, every day, forever!

This doom he can’t defy,

However he may try,

For should he stay

His hand that day,

In torture he shall die!”

The prophecy came true:

Each heir who held the title

Had, every day, to do

Some crime of import vital;

Until, with guilt o’erplied,

“I’ll sin no more!” he cried,

And on the day

He said that say,

In agony he died!


 * And thus, with sinning cloyed,


 * Has died each Murgatroyd,


 * And so shall fall,


 * Both one and all,


 * Each coming Murgatroyd!

Verses: The Organization and its Clients
A client (Rhodes, for example) engages the Organization’s services. Readers so inclined may visualize the client as soloist and Organization personnel as chorus. Song from Princess Ida:

Now hearken to my strict command

On every hand, on every hand—


 * To your command,


 * On every hand,


 * We dutifully bow!

If Gama bring the Princess here,

Give him good cheer, give him good cheer,


 * If she come here,


 * Will give him a cheer,


 * And we will show you how!


 * We’ll shout and sing


 * “Long live the King”,


 * And his daughter, too, I trow !


 * Then shout ha! Ha! Hip, hip hurrah!


 * For the fair Princess and her good papa!

But if he fail to keep his troth ,

Upon our oath, we’ll trounce them both!


 * He’ll trounce them both


 * Upon his oath,


 * As sure as a quarter-day !

We’ll shut him up in a dungeon cell,

And toll his knell on a funeral bell.


 * From his dungeon cell,


 * His funeral knell


 * Shall strike him with dismay!


 * As up we string


 * The faithless King


 * In the old familiar way!


 * We’ll shout ha! Ha! Hip, hip, hurrah!


 * As we make an end of her false papa!

In this duet, the reader may envision an Organization representative as the first voice and the client as the second voice. The first 12-line verse also fits the scene where Heather assures Noah that she will be able to get her weapons through airport security. Song from Utopia Limited:

Let all your doubts take wing—

Our influence is great.

If Paramount our King

Presume to hesitate,

Put on the screw

And caution him

That he will rue

Disaster grim

That must ensue

To life and limb

Should he pooh-pooh

This harmless whim.


 * Observe this dance


 * Which I employ


 * When I, by chance,


 * Go mad with joy.


 * What sentiment


 * Does this express?


 * Supreme content


 * And happiness!


 * Your friendly aid conferred,


 * I need no longer pine.


 * I’ve but to speak the word,


 * And lo! The maid is mine!


 * I do not choose


 * To be denied,


 * Or wish to lose


 * A lovely bride—


 * If to refuse


 * The King decide,


 * The Royal shoes


 * Then woe betide!

This step to use

I condescend

Whene’er I choose

To serve a friend

What it implies

Now try to guess;

It typifies

Unselfishness!

The Organization sometimes takes hostages on a client’s behalf, the better to gain another party’s cooperation, and is not above killing said hostages if that’s what the client wants. Recitative & song from Princess Ida: (excerpt from Finale Act I, MIDI file 4:15 – 6:17)


 * ‘Till then, must we in prison cell be thrust?


 * You must!


 * This seems unnecessarily severe!

Hear, hear!

For a month to dwell

In a dungeon cell;

Growing thin and wizen

In a solitary prison,

Is a poor look-out

For a soldier stout

Who is longing for the rattle

Of a complicated battle—

For the rum-tum-tum

Of the military drum

And the guns that go Boom! Boom!


 * When Hilarion’s bride


 * Has at length complied


 * With the just conditions


 * Of our requisitions,


 * You may go in haste


 * And indulge your taste


 * For the fascinating rattle


 * Of a complicated battle—


 * For the rum-tum-tum


 * Of the military drum


 * And the guns that go Boom! Boom!


 * But till that time you’ll here remain,


 * And bail we will not entertain,


 * Should she our mandate disobey,


 * Your lives the penalty will pay!

Heather watches her “funeral”
In this song from The Mikado, town officials assure the Mikado that they have recently held an execution (as per his orders) when, in fact, they have not. They go on to describe the spurious execution “with most affecting particulars”, as the Mikado later puts it. (In the original, soloists sing the 15-line verses and the chorus sings the 6-line verses, but there is no corresponding division in the LAL reference.)

The criminal cried, as he dropped him down,

In a state of wild alarm—

With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown,

I bared my big right arm.

I seized him by his little pigtail

And on his knees fell he,

As he squirmed and struggled,

And gurgled and guggled,

I drew my snickersnee!

Oh, never shall I

Forget the cry,

Or the shriek that shrieked he!

As I gnashed my teeth,

When from its sheath

I drew my snickersnee!


 * We know him well,


 * He cannot tell


 * Untrue or groundless tales—


 * He always tries


 * To utter lies,


 * And every time he fails.


 * He shivered and shook as he gave the sign


 * For the stroke he didn’t deserve;


 * When all of a sudden his eye met mine,


 * And it seemed to brace his nerve;


 * For he nodded his head and kissed his hand,


 * And he whistled an air, did he,


 * As the saber true


 * Cut cleanly through


 * His cervical vertebrae.


 * When a man’s afraid,


 * A beautiful maid


 * Is a cheering sight to see;


 * And it’s oh, I’m glad


 * That moment sad


 * Was soothed by sight of me!


 * Her terrible tale


 * You can’t assail,


 * With truth it quite agrees:


 * Her taste exact


 * For faultless fact


 * Amounts to a disease!


 * Now, though you’d have said that head was dead


 * (For its owner, dead was he),


 * It stood on its neck with a smile well-bred,


 * And bowed three times to me!


 * It was none of your impudent off-hand nods,


 * But as humble as could be;


 * For it clearly knew


 * The deference due


 * To a man of pedigree!


 * And it’s oh, I vow,


 * This deathly bow


 * Was a touching sight to see;


 * Though trunkless, yet


 * It couldn’t forget


 * The deference due to me!


 * This haughty youth,


 * He speaks the truth


 * Whenever he finds it pays:


 * And in this case


 * It all took place


 * Exactly as he says!

Heather carves Noah’s face
The LAL reference does not have the singer changes noted in the original. Excerpts from the Incantation Scene from The Sorcerer:

Sprites of earth and air—

Fiends of flame and fire—

Demon souls,

Come here in shoals,

This dreadful deed inspire!

Appear! Appear! Appear!


 * Good master, we are here!


 * Let us fly to a far-off land,


 * Where peace and plenty dwell—


 * Where the sigh of the silver strand


 * Is echoed in every shell


 * To the joy that land will give,


 * On the wings of Love we’ll fly;


 * In innocence there to live—


 * In innocence there to die!


 * Too late—too late


 * It may not be!


 * That happy fate


 * Is not for thee!

Now, shriveled hags, with poison bags,

Discharge your loathsome loads!

Spit flame and fire, unholy choir!

Belch forth your venom, toads!

Ye demons fell, with yelp and yell,

Shed curses far afield—

Ye fiends of night, your filthy blight

In noisome plenty yield!

Number One!


 * It is done!

Number Two!


 * One too few!

Number Three!


 * Set us free!


 * Set us free—our work is done!


 * Set us free—our course is run!

In the same scene, Heather advises Noah that he will suffer less if he screams quickly. He obliges. Verse from Ruddigore:

[http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/ruddigore/web_opera/rudd21.html He yields! ] He answers to our call!

We do not ask for more.

A sturdy fellow, after all,

This latest Ruddigore!

All perish in unheard-of woe

Who dare our wills defy:

We want your pardon, ere we go.

For having agonized you so—

So pardon us—

So pardon us—

So pardon us—

Or die!


 * I pardon you!

He pardons us—

He pardons us—

Hurrah!

Wilshire dismisses Rhodes’ threats
On multiple occasions, Wilshire suggests that Rhodes doesn’t have it in him to do Noah serious harm. In the stage directions, Noah stands in for King Gama. From Act 1 finale of Princess Ida:

P’r’aps if you address the lady

Most politely, most politely—

Flatter and impress the lady,

Most politely, most politely—

Humbly beg and humbly sue—

She may deign to look on you,

But your doing you must do

Most politely, most politely!


 * Go you, and inform the lady,


 * Most politely, most politely,


 * If she don’t, we’ll storm the lady,


 * Most politely, most politely!


 * [To Gama] You’ll remain as hostage here;


 * Should Hilarion disappear,


 * We will hang you, never fear,


 * Most politely, most politely!

Rhodes pronounces sentence of death upon Noah
Rhodes has had all he can take of Wilshire’s dismissive attitude, so he instructs DeMiller to kill Noah. Trio from The Pirates of Penzance:


 * Away, away! My heart’s on fire;


 * I burn this base deception to repay!


 * This very night, my vengeance dire


 * Shall glut itself in gore. Away, away!


 * Away, away! Ere I expire—


 * I find my duty hard to do today!


 * My heart is filled with anguish dire,


 * It strikes me to the core! Away, away!

With falsehood foul

He tricked us of our brides.

Let vengeance howl;

The Pirate so decides.

Our nature stern

He softened with his lies,

And, in return,

Tonight the traitor dies.


 * Tonight he dies!

Yes, or early tomorrow.


 * His girls likewise?


 * They will welter in sorrow.

The one soft spot


 * In our natures we cherish,


 * And all those who plot

To abuse it shall perish!

Noah accepts his fate
Noah, having been told that he will die within a week, appears to accept his fate, at least outwardly. Song from The Yeomen of the Guard:

[http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/yeomen/web_opera/yeomen_05.html Is life a boon? ]

If so, it must befall,

That Death, whene’er he call

Must call too soon.

Though fourscore years he give,

Yet one would pray to live

Another moon!

What plaint have I,

Who perish in July?

I might have had to die,

Perchance, in June!

Is life a thorn?

Then count it not a whit !

Man is well done with it;

Soon as he’s born

He should all means essay

To put the plague away;

And I, war-worn,

Poor, captured fugitive,

My life most gladly give—

I might have had to live

Another morn!

Heather resolves to liberate Noah
Scene (originally a quartet) from The Yeomen of the Guard:

Alas, I waver to and fro!

Dark danger hangs upon the deed!


 * The scheme is rash and well may fail,


 * But ours are not the hearts that quail,


 * The hands that shrink, the cheeks that pale


 * In hours of need!


 * And shall I reckon risks I run


 * When services are to be done


 * To save the life of such a one?


 * Unworthy thought!


 * We may succeed—who can foretell?


 * May heaven help our hope—farewell!

Noah gives up his bed to Heather
When Heather falls asleep, Noah carries her to his bed. Act 2 Opening chorus & solo from The Pirates of Penzance

Oh, dry the glistening tear

That dews that martial cheek;

Thy loving children hear,

In them thy comfort seek.

With sympathetic care

Their arms around thee creep,

For oh, they cannot bear

To see their father weep!


 * Dear father, why leave your bed


 * At this untimely hour,


 * When happy daylight is dead,


 * And darksome dangers lower ?


 * See heaven has lit her lamp,


 * The midnight hour is past,


 * The chilly night air is damp,


 * And the dews are falling fast!


 * Dear father, why leave your bed


 * When happy daylight is dead?

Sunrise scene & Crying scene
Sunrise scene (verse 1) and Crying scene (verse 2); madrigal from The Mikado:

Brightly dawns our wedding day;

Joyous hour, we give thee greeting!

Whither, whither art thou fleeting?

Fickle moment, prithee stay!

What though mortal joys be hollow?

Pleasures come, if sorrows follow:

Though the tocsin sound, ere long,

Ding dong! Ding dong!

Yet until the shadows fall

Over one and over all,

Sing a merry madrigal—

A madrigal! [all weep]

Let us dry the ready tear,

Though the hours are surely creeping

Little need for woeful weeping,

Till the sad sundown is near.

All must sip the cup of sorrow—

I today and thou tomorrow;

This the close of every song—

Ding, dong! Ding, dong!

What, though solemn shadows fall,

Sooner, later, over all?

Sing a merry madrigal—

A madrigal! [all weep]

Crying scene
First verse of a duet from Ruddigore. Readers so inclined may visualize Heather as the first voice and Noah as the second:

I once was a very abandoned person—


 * Making the most of evil chances,

Nobody could conceive a worse ‘un—


 * Even in all the old romances.

I blush for my wild extravagances,

But be so kind

To bear in mind,


 * We were the victims of circumstances!

Glossary
Baronet: The lowest of British hereditary titles, below a Baron (“Lord” in British parlance) and above a Knight

Dear: expensive. This usage, while still extant, is no longer common.

Indite: dictate

Lower: threaten. Rhymes with “hour”

M.P.: Member of Parliament

Old Bailey: London’s Central Criminal Court is commonly known as “The Old Bailey”

Prithee: short for “I pray thee”. The modern equivalent is “please”, short for “if you please”

Quarter-day: the day quarterly rents are collected, so “as sure as a quarter-day” is equivalent to “as sure as death and taxes”

Recitative: essentially, operatic talk-singing. Recitatives tend to not be very tuneful, and may be in either rhymed or blank verse. Grand operas deliver substantially all dialogue in this style, whereas light (aka comic) operas such as the G&S plays most commonly use recitative to introduce a song.

Snuff: The charred part of a candlewick

Tocsin: an alarm bell or other warning signal

Troth: promise

Trow: believe

Whit: the smallest imaginable portion of something