User blog:JERealize/Progress Bar: Issue 054 (TDPI Episode 4 Review)

(Review 4) Welcome back, and after the mild success that was Episode 3, we have the highly-anticipated Episode 4. But first...

(August ?, 2014)

Power Rankings: TDPI, Version 3.0
We have 11 contestants, and we need to rank them again. Let's begin.


 * 11: Ella (same position)
 * So, she's hopeless.
 * 10: Rodney (same position)
 * Another relationship? This will deteriorate his character harshly.
 * 9: Topher (same position)
 * He's still capable of kissing up to Chris, but he's doomed when Chris says enough.
 * 8: Sugar (up 4)
 * She, as she said before, is a farmhand, so the fact that she is capable drives her up a few notches. At least she's better than Rodney now.
 * 7: 'Amy' (and yes, I am supposed to call her that) (officially down 3, unofficially down 2)
 * Yes, Amy is technically out, but officially, 'Samey' (or 'Sparemy', if you will) is out, and Amy is still in the challenge, which is not only confusing, but serves to hinder the one playing Amy. She's expected to be Amy, and she spent 16 years playing 'Samey', which makes things very difficult for her. And also, this issue that Amy is out, yet Amy is not out, does irritate me. See the next topic for more details, but only after the power rankings.
 * 6: Scarlett (up 1)
 * She's kinda piggybacking on Max these days, and both seem to benefit each other.
 * 5: Max (up 1)
 * As I said, Scarlett is piggybacking on him, helping him out, and this duo serves to keep themselves at this high a spot.
 * 4: Sky (down 2)
 * Okay, her interest in Dave is showing, which in turn is hindering her. This is the first time the Top 3 has changed.
 * 3: Dave (up 5)
 * Somehow, he is clearly more capable than what I gave him credit for. However, if Sky is kicked out or otherwise indisposed, Dave will surely fall back.
 * 2: Jasmine (down 1)
 * She is as skilled as ever, but she isn't much of a helper, as we saw last episode. The margin between #2 and #1 was narrow, anyway.
 * 1: Shawn (up 2)
 * So all members of the very first Power Rankings Final 3 have reached #1 at some point. He's still a loner, but he clearly is careful yet willing. However, as I said earlier, he is a throwaway character turned skilled, and once the teams go into the merge, if he doesn't keep himself in immunity, he's doomed.

My Problem With Amy and Samey
Okay, now let's talk more specifically about that problem I have with 'Amy'. From what we know in Episode 3, Sammy fooled Amy into eating a Manchineel fruit, which caused Amy's throat to swell up at the elimination ceremony and allowed Sammy to trick everyone into thinking she is Amy and her twin is 'Samey'. Now, that was not a bad twist. In fact, it was creative and delivered really well. But there is one problem. Had it not been for us seeing Amy eat the Manchineel fruit, and had we not been able to tell each other apart, we could have easily been fooled into thinking that Amy is still in the game. Which segways into a new problem: 'Samey' is out. Amy is still in. Even though Amy is physically kicked out, 'Samey' was the one voted out, and now that everyone believes Sammy is Amy, Sammy has to act like Amy.

As a result of this, Sammy's victory over Amy is officially nonexistent. And since 'Samey' is technically out, it means that technically Sammy has not had resolution nor redemption. Which is just sad. Sammy didn't win. Sammy won nothing. She's cursed with having to live out the rest of the game as Amy, as everyone most likely stopped caring about 'Samey'. If you only care about Sammy still being in the game by scoring one of the best moments in the series, at least pay attention to the fact that right now, Sammy is in a tough spot. I don't know what's going to happen, but the creators had better not screw this up any further. Now on with the show.

Reviewing Episode 4: I Love You, I Love You Knots
Wait, is that seriously what it's called?

Sirius Lee: Did you call?

No. Why do you always assume I call you? And to that effect, why the name?

Sirius Lee: My parents gave it to me. (leaves) JERk.

Okay, getting back to the episode. That's what it's called? It sounds so similar to what Episode 2's called. Is that such a good idea?

"Last time on Total Drama..."

Well, I can't say much that you already don't know, so let's skip this part. But needless to say, since Chris is the host, he does know about the switcheroo. I wonder what he thinks of it.

"Shamey on Samey."

So we start off with Jasmine going off to forage, and Sammy (playing Amy) offers to come along. With major backlash just for offering. She does realize she's playing Amy, right? And thus, she can't do any of the things Sammy would do, or at the very least, be buddy-buddy with Jasmine? I told you that this would be an issue.

"There's the Amy I know. Come on, then."

(pause) Did Jasmine...? I'm confused. Okay, so maybe Jasmine's going to mentor Sammy a bit on how to be Amy. It doesn't sound bad, but that's before you realize Amy did little in this challenge other than bossing her sister around and taking credit for all the good things she did. That means, Sammy has a ball chain on her leg.

"I'm cool that Jasmine knows I'm not Amy, because we're pals. As for everyone else, I have to sound, and look, like my sister."

Again, I have to bring up, if we didn't know about the switcheroo, we would be upset about Amy being in over her twin sister. However, the thought occurred to me that had we not known, and the big reveal comes up in a future episode, we would probably have our minds blown from the reveal because we would have not seen it coming, seeing that Sammy could do a good job playing Amy. (pause) Okay, maybe a few would speculate, but it's not official until it's set in stone.

Oh, here comes Shawn. I have to say again, he's really due for some character development.

"And that's how you hunt berries."

And he brought Dave. And Samurai Jacked the nearby trees of berries. Nowadays, I'm no longer impressed.

"Hey, Shawn. Wanna pick with us?"

And Shawn runs off. I really don't know what to say about that.

"You know how dating works. First comes love, then comes marriage..."

Then, let me guess... something about zombies?

"...then comes your brain being eaten by a zombie baby that was hiding in your pillow."

Okay, baby zombies was my backup guess. But still, this is a one-note character. How is he still here?

"Call me crazy, but I think Outback Amazon Jasmine with the cool accent has a thing for zombie-nut Shawn who doesn't bathe."

Shawn doesn't bathe? Ever heard of the phrase, 'too much information'?

And wait... Rodney falls in love with Scarlett? (stammers) What is the meaning of this? Rodney is a character that has only one thing to him and no redeemable traits. Who thought one-note characters were a good idea, anyway?

"But I can't hurt Jasmine again. She'll be devastated."

She was never hurt before. Besides, you can't fail a breakup speech again. We'll be devastated.

Kinosewak gets together. and now it's time to see the new team dynamic.

"Hey, Rodney. Berries?"

And Rodney... What kind of joke is this? Realistically, yes, you can be torn between two girls, but Rodney's flipping sides like a coin. This isn't fun to begin with, and now two in the same minute means a whole mess of pain from that guy right there. What's next? Do you wish to fall in love with sky, or Ella, or Sugar? Hey, I wouldn't be surprised if he fell in love with a crossdresser at this point in time. (You know the one.)

"I've got three girlfriends."

You wish.

"Which of my true loves is my truest love?"

Rhonda, you there, right? I know you ranked Creed from my story among last place, but certainly he's better than Rodney over there, and the two have similar origins.

"Is it just me, or does Amy pick way better berries than Samey?"

Don't blow it, 'Amy'. Don't. I know you have to hate this, but you have to stay in the game. Again, this is part of my rant. Everyone is still treaty Amy as superior to her sister, despite the truth hovering in front of them. Also, there's a demonstration of the placebo effect, if you don't know what it is.

"Morning, campers! It's time to start today's fun activity."

As I said before, I decided not to look at last episode's 'Next Time' trailer, so I have no idea what will happen next. Also, just noticed: Jasmine didn't defend Sammy again. Nor the berries. She's hopeless.

But the two teams make it to... whatever this is, and Ella and Sugar... well, you know.

"At times, my friendship with Sugar has seemed tumultuous, but I think it's getting better."

I'll tell you what's getting better. The entertainment value. Hard to believe weeks ago that Sugar could actually be a redeemable quality in this series.

"I... hate... her."

"I know what you're up to, silly-pants. Gals who sit on the end always get less camera time."

Wow. That shove was unnecessary.

"It's time we separated the brave from the liars. The game is Truth or Scare."

Another Topher moments. These are so old that I'm going to try avoiding them.

So, the game is basically a copy of Truth or Dare, but with the Dare part being... let's just say, a little more riveting. I can honestly say this challenge is based off of what happened in Season 4 Episode 2, with someone having to fess up the truth that Chris reveals, or get dunked and take their chances with Fang. (Way to go, Scott.) And this challenge really gets 'Amy' worried, what with it being obvious and all. Is Chris out to get her? It sounded like it, and if that's the case, Chris, I will-- everyone say it with me...

Audience and JER: Have! Your! Head!

That's right, everyone! You're good at this!

Oh, I forgot to mention, something like this also existed in S.S. Total Drama. Remember Xavier? And how he was forced by Truth and by Dare to reveal the contents of his box? On a tangent, remember Halle? Okay, maybe she was far from the most well-liked, but she was somewhat... entertaining.

"But in this case, Amy has gotten a Truth. This means, she just has to answer a question honestly."

This sounds like no problem. You are Amy, after all. Then again...

"But the answer will be revealing! It will expose a dark secret that could destroy her in the eyes of her newly-found friends."

Then again, Chris may just ask a question about one of Amy's personal secrets. In that case, she's not as screwed, but almost just the same.

"Or not. whatevs."

Okay, give us the verdict. The question is...?

"How will you know if we're telling the truth?"

"For that, we spared no expense."

I'm surprised you have something in that budget after spending your money on cameras and holograms.

"Meet Clucky, the truth-seeking chicken."

(pause) You're kidding me. A chicken. You might as well sell me gold-sniffing gophers. (Thumbs up if you get the reference.)

"No lie gets past this bird. She's former CIA and gets her own law firm."

(pause) You're kidding me. Wow, really? Such a thing is just... unimaginable. Tell me, chicken, do you know Stan Smith?

Susan Schein: Your parents--?

He's from American Dad. Totally different. Next question, please.

''"Completing a challenge or telling a truth gets your team a point. But if you fail a challenge or tell a lie, your whole team gets a shock.

(pause) Again, similar to Truth or Laser Shark.

(all contestants get shocked)

Again, instead of conserving electricity and delaying our inevitable demise, we decide to electrify ourselves. Please, if you want to give someone the death penalty, use lethal injections.

"You tested these, right?"

That Guy With The Glasses: This is That Guy With The Glasses, saying there is no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it.

"Let's start the game. Amy?"

"Are you kidding? I'm a walking lie!"

You're not the only one. Ever heard of the Doctor? (First Doctor Who reference! Yay!)

"Amy, who do you dislike most?"

Told you, didn't I? But then again, I did not expect this question.

"The person I hate most is... Amy!"

(long pause) I did not see that coming.

"Clucky says, that was a truth."

But still, now everyone assumes Amy hates herself. (pause) Wow, what a mess we live in.

"Care to explain... Amy?"

Man, Chris is really milking this masquerade for all it's worth.

"I'll explain it."

"Jasmine, no, please."

"The truth is... that Samey... is... not your fault, Amy. Don't hate yourself for your sister's shortcomings. You did what you could."

"No-one's blaming you for Samey's weirdo-ness."

"That girl was all bun, no hot dog."

Shut up. You're not even on her team.

"Reeked of failure."

My word! It's like everyone is out to get Sammy! What kind of messed up world is this?! And speaking of weirdo, remember Lilo from Lilo and Stitch? And how Mertle and her clique were always teasing her? I hate the fact that no person can treat any regular little girl like they're human anymore. Any flaw, anyone pointing and laughing at her, and their reputation is dead. This is just sad. The whole world is just sad, and this series more so. And how is it that the bad guys are calling the shots? Who said Empire State of Mind was one of the best songs in 2009? What kind of...?

You know what? I know what the end credits music will be, and trust me, it is long overdue.

But then again, maybe this episode is designed to show Sammy's adaptation to this uncomfortable position. Either that, or set things up for the big reveal. I don't know.

"Next, we'll have Rodney, doing another truth."

Wait, aren't the first two on the same team? Whatever happened to taking turns?

"And the question is, in your opinion, who is the most attractive girl on the island?"

Okay, I see what you're going to do, producers. You're going to use this episode as a cure-all to every situation between the contestants. It's not supposed to work that way. We're supposed to have some situations saved up for later in the episode. Also... Wow. What to do about this...

"Could I get a different question? I can't hurt those gals like that."

The only people you're hurting is us. Now, answer the question!

"If I pick one, the others will know something's up. I gotta pick someone else. Someone so deranged, they'll know it's a joke."

Backfire. Called it. BTW, pick Sugar for the most laughs. For us. You don't care about us, so why should we care about you?

"Duh. It's me!"

"Huh? Uh, yes, perfect. It's Sugar."

Told you. Also, do I detect hints of 'Amy'/Rodney Bottom Two?

But Clucky goes off the walls and shocks Kinosewak for that blatant lie. But still, laughs abound. Pretty much need them after watching 'Everybody Hates Samey'.

"That was truth! Check your chicken! Your chicken's broken!"

Laughs abound, round two.

(Maskwak gets electrocuted)

"Dang chickens. Always think they're smarter than me."

You should worry about the cows.

"I'm sure Rodney thinks that you're the second-prettiest. No shame in that."

"What? I ain't no runner-up!"

First of all, watch your language. No one's heard that wild a tongue since Beowulf. Second of all, you're right. You're no runner-up. You're not even in the Top 3.

"Ella, stop picking fights with Sugar."

(pause) Chris, what is wrong with you? This entire show's mentality's clearly deranged. Most of these characters believe that other characters are at fault for stuff they didn't do, and now it's frustrating me to a dangerous extent. I know Ella's a bit annoying at times, but that's no reason to... whatever that just was. You disgust me. All of you!

"Up next... Sky doing a scare."

So, this scare is...

"Sky, to earn a point, you will have to drink... an entire jug... of mineral water."

(pause) There's a catch. What's the time limit?

"You've got 30 seconds."

Knew it. These games are becoming quite predictable.

However, drinking one gallon of water... in 30 seconds? I have two problems with that. First off, how is that even possible? Okay, maybe it's possible, but I can't do it. I could finish a liter under 30 seconds, but a gallon?

"This is as fast as I can go!"

And Sky is somehow having a measureable problem in downing it. And second, ever heard of overhydration? Drinking too much water in a short amount of time is bad. And I mean, really. Look it up.

Shawn swipes the water away and shakes it up. I thought this was mineral water, not carbonated. (looks it up) Well, I'll be darned. American vocabulary is rubbish.

"It's called thirst thrashing. When zombies-a-comin'..."'

Let's skip the zombie part. Basically, Shawn sprays all the water into her. Hope it didn't get into her lungs. Also noticing, Sky has her weak spots, and now they're revealed.

"Half of it went up her nose, but that still counts as drinking. Team Maskwak gets a point with ten seconds left."

But as I said: Overhydration. Sky's not looking well.

But anyway, we're at commercial break... which we're not going to play this time around. We really need to get things resolved, plus spoilers are piling up by the day, so yeah.

But still, before we begin, I've looked through the confessional footage, and Sky looks and sounds 20 years older in that pic. My word. And Sky... doesn't burst. Bummer. Then again...

"Max, it is truth time."

Wait... did everyone seriously expect Sky to burst? (pause) What a sadistic cast. Sadistic and idiotic. What a combination. I hate you guys.

"Max, for a point, what do you fear?"

Okay, this is getting interesting. Maybe the show has regained its footing.

"I fear nothing."

Or maybe not. Shocker Time.

(Kinosewak gets shocked)

Can't touch this.

"Not questioning your hosting skills, Chris, but Max and Rodney lied, not the rest of us."

Oh, you will, my friend. You will all lie soon enough. (Wait that sounded wrong.)

"And next up, we have Dave..."

(sigh) Oh, boy.

"...doing a scare."

So, what's the deal, Chris.

"Alright, Dave, there are scary scares, then there are scarier scares..."

I know what's coming, some sort of over-the-top deal. Just get with it.

"For a point, you must... kiss a person next to you."

So either Sky or Shawn. (smirks) This is going to be good.

Unless Shawn runs off and makes zombie commentary about it. I hate Shawn. But still, Dave gets a lucky break. I think. I mean, if it weren't for all the casual conversation beforehand, it would have been a nice change of pace. (long pause) Any time now.

"Hey, chitty-chat-chatters. Clock is ticking!"

"Quit squawking and start pecking!"

Ferb Fletcher: Well, don't just stand there. Kiss her!

Oh, come on. The two are too pressured. They had better hurry up, because a shock is no longer going to cut it.

(Sky lets out a loud belch)

Oh dear-- oh, oh no. No, no, no.

"I can taste your burp in my eyes."

I hate this.

(Maskwak gets shocked)

What is the problem with this show nowadays? They're denying us all the good stuff, and leaving us with incompetent baboons. Then again, maybe... maybe they're setting up for something bigger down the line, but Sky+Dave is too painfully obvious to avoid right now.

"Sorry, guys. It must have been the mineral water."

To quote the average necks of red, 'You are darn tooting.'

"It had nothing to do with the mineral water. I belch when I'm nervous, during tests, or when I'm near a guy I really like."

(sigh) Unbelievable. I don't know what to say. I could say that I give up, but I already used that clip last year.

"It was the water."

There you go. See how much better you feel when you tell the truth?

"Next up, Shawn..."

Somehow saw that coming.

"...doing a scare."

Did you notice that not many people got points lately?

"Shawn, for the point, you must pick your nose--"

You mean choose it.

"...and wipe it on the person sitting next to you."

Dave, that means you. But I don't think I'll be laughing after this.

"No. No! No!"

Or maybe I will.

(Dave gets coated in mucus)

Then again, I'm not. Disgusting.

"Wow. You are way too good at that."

Zombie talk here. Wait a minute, Ella hasn't sung in a while. Finally, some relative peace and quiet.

"Impressive barrage, Shawn. But, I'm afraid you were supposed to pick and wipe, not rocket."

What a waste. But question, why does the chicken have to be in charge of electroshocking? I don't get it.

"Also, you only needed to get the person next to you, not your whole team."

(Maskwak gets shocked)

Ooh. So, the no-point streak continues.

"At least it fried the snot off."

And now Ella has to do a truth. And she's charming the chicken. Anything can happen.

Ninth Doctor: No. (leaves room and shuts door)

"Ella, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"

"Hmm. I would whatever's stopping Sugar and I from becoming the best of friends."

Wow. I guess people should think Ella's the nice one by now.

"That's pageant talk! My talk! You're going down, missy!"

Well... that's a sudden change of pace.

(Maskwak gets shocked)

"What was that for?"

"For scaring Clucky. And, after what Ella just pulled, I can only assume her answer was a lie."

WHAT?!

"Lie? But--"

"Enough!"

(Maskwak gets electrocuted again)

I am FEDERALED UP with this mess! I should go to FreshTV and beat the entire staff senseless, but that would be a crime. Because I would have to cross an international border illegally.

"From here on in, I'm gonna suggest better team playing. Maybe then the score will get higher than 1-1."

This is Truth or Laser Shark all over again. I wouldn't be surprised if Chris cancelled the challenge right now.

"Remember what's at stake. The losing team will be sending someone home, and I think I know who will be sent home if Maskwak loses."

It had better not be Ella. After all, you were the one who scapegoated her, Chris. Besides, at this point, I can fairly conclude that the average IQ of a TDPI contestant is 85 ± 5.

"But hey, anything can happen. It's on to the lightning round!"

Lightning: Sha-bam!

We all had that coming.

So, the next few challenges whiz by fast as Sky manages to put braces on a beaver, and Rodney fails to answer as to whose member of his team he would wish to save. Next, Scarlett gives a bear a make-up (cosmetic-like, not apologetic), and the teams are tied at 2-2. Jasmine gets Kinosewak another point, and Rodney gets another truth question. Needless to say, he fails.

Sugar's next up on the list, and she decides to eat a tarantula rather than wait for Chris to finish his sentence. Which I had to admit, was rather lightening. She was supposed to pet the tarantula, and got away with a point on a technicality. 3-3.

"After all this pain and anguish..."

Just say sudden-death already.

"It's time for the game to end... right after the sudden-death round!"

(all campers gasp)

"A player from each team will go head-to-head in a duel challenge. Winner's team gets immunity. Loser's team gets shocked, and sends someone home."

And the two players going up against each other are... Rodney...

"In your face, chicken! You can never stun me again! And guess what? I live on a farm, and I eat six eggs a day. Six delicious eggs."

I have to admit, the reaction from the chicken was funny. Somewhat.

...and Ella. (pause) I have a bad feeling about this.

"Bring on the scares."

"Um, yes. Bring them, please."

So, here's an interesting challenge. Each person is given a bag containing the other team's remote. Whoever unties the knot and shocks the other team wins. Although, I have to ask, is there any way to shock the other team without untying the knot? Just curious.

"Shock her, Rodney! Shock her!"

"If he wins, we all get shocked."

Not to mention, if you all get shocked, you may be to blame. Considering the encouragement.

But no matter. Ella gets the knot off easily.

"Ella, just press the button and your team wins!"

"Oh, I can't. It's just too mean."

Screw etiquette. Ella, you have the remote. Do it for yourself, otherwise, I can be 100% certain you'll be going home.

"Honestly, who could do such a thing?"

Clucky shows up and presses the button... multiple times. I guess all that backtalk was for naught, Rodney.

"Clucky, no! It's not worth it!"

Well, Clucky has clearly lost its sanity, and Kinosewak lost some gray matter.

"Team Maskwak, as winners of Truth or Scare, you gain immunity."

And the food prize I look forward to every episode?

"You also get this week's fast food delivery, courtesy of Humpty-Dumpty's Meat Shack. At Humpty's, all the king's horses feed all the king's men."

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best idea so far.

"Or if you want, Chef's making chicken."

Considering that Clucky had a career comparable to humans, I'd say this is an awkward moment.

"Team Kinosewak, time to vote one of you off the island."

This means Rodney. I mean it, Rodney, you're a hopeless cause. I thought you would be better than this.

"Thanks to me, one of my swell teammates is going to get voted off."

Be realistic, Rodney. Everyone hates you now.

And as we close for the day, Dave and Sky have an awkward conversation, which I will skip for... obvious reasons.

So we're here at the campfire, where Rodney and Scarlett are in the Final 2, and Chris can't even make an excuse for why Scarlett could be going home, so might as well administer the blunt truth. Sounds like the end of Episode 9 of my story, finally available after a 441-day wait.

"I'm not surprised that I'm the one leaving."

The sooner we're rid of him, the better.

(Rodney gets launched)

(eyes something) Is that the end destination? I swear, we may have found where the contestants end up.

"I think I just sunk someone's battleship."

So with that, we end the episode and... it could have been better. A lot better. Even though the challenge looked promising, it went too far in every direction. The contestants were still too gullible, and some scenes were just too painful. But we did have a good few laughs, some set-up for future episodes (albeit little (wow, I really like using the word 'albeit')), and a very necessary elimination. I don't know what else to say about this episode, other than there is much room for improvement. This episode gets a Good 22 (61/100).

At this point of the show, I review the eliminated contestant's audition video. (And if you're wondering, I didn't review an audition tape last time due to the iffy nature of the elimination itself, and will review both once 'Amy' is gone.) And wow. Rodney's iffy love interests are all over the place. Seriously, Rodney, get some help. I can't be bothered to think about your antics anymore. Thank goodness you're leaving.

So with that, I must end the review. Also, Episode 9 of Total Drama America has finally been released, so check up on that. Don't forget to comment, and I'll see you next time.

[www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVOD5D4IArw (end credits)]

Rhonda and I were conspiring to take down the government. (Talk | Blogs | Contributions) 20:24, August 15, 2014 (UTC)