Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

Fourteen of the cattiest aspiring fashion designers all agree to live under the same roof for an entire summer, all for the chance to win one million dollars and the title of "Most On-Point Fashionista".

What could possibly go wrong?

Airing on the Reality Realized Network.

Chapter 01: The World is Your Runway
Overly energetic music plays as tacky colors and stage lights flash on and off the screen. Flashes of color followed by guitar riffs followed by even more color, the entire display looks like it was put together by somebody who isn’t quite all there. When the scene finally settles, the spotlight falls on two distinct individuals standing back-to-back. A man whose chocolate brown hair seems to defy the laws of physics, with sparkly eyes the color of the sky when the sky is inexplicably green. Beside him, a woman whose luscious mane of bubblegum pink hair made the boldest of statements, wearing a tight white dress that certainly did favors for her bust. As the music comes to a crescendo, the two mysterious figures’ eyes open in time with one another’s, before both snapping their heads directly towards the camera as the music reaches its peak. The two finally break apart and begin walking down a long, red carpet.

“Welcome, to the greatest fashion show of ALL time!” The man exclaims, throwing his arms into the air as he walks. “My name is Chip McCazmerick,”

“And I’m Flutina Weathers,” the woman interjects.

“And tonight, fourteen of the world’s boldest, most aspiring fashionistas will gather together for the most stylish,” Chip stops briefly to make a pose.

“Groovy,” Flutina shakes her hips.

“Scandalous,” Chip covers his mouth to feign shock.

“Romantic,” Flutina places her hand over her heart.

“And most importantly DRAMATIC reality TV competition ever.” As Chip and Flutina wrap up their introduction, they come upon a wooden sea port at the end of the red carpet. The two hosts very quickly relax and shake themselves off from their performance, turning their backs away from the port so they could see the rest of the island: fancy buildings jutting into the sky, a rainbow of lights flashing about, and a rather spacious forest area surrounding it all. Flutina couldn’t help but draw Chip closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Isn’t it just so beautiful?”

“Yeah,” Chip says, “It really is... I just hope we’re not making a huge mistake.”

Flutina frowns. “Don’t be like that. Everything will turn out just fine.”

“I’m starting to doubt that dragging them into this was ever a good idea. They’re too… unpredictable, and free. They’re bound to screw things-,” Chip cuts himself off as Flutina clasps her hands on both of his shoulders, staring directly into his sky-green eyes.

“They are exactly what this island needs.”

Elsewhere out on the open sea, a single sailboat is making its way through rough waters. On board are the fourteen aforementioned fashionistas, all of them on the deck partying and getting to know one another while they make their way to their destination. Well, all but one, that is. Off sitting in the corner was the starkly introverted Vicky, writing away in her journal.

Dear Nothing,

''Ever since I departed on this grandiose, meaningless adventure, I have encountered nothing but stupidity. Everyone on this ship seems to see themselves as having some kind of place, like they are meant to be here, or something. There also seems to be an overabundance of chatter about our destination; if I saw any purpose in engaging with these people, I would not neglect to inform them that our destination is nothing. At the end of the day, whoever wins this competition, and whoever loses, both will meet the same soulless, lifeless void; none of their accomplishments ever mattering, their names fading into obscurity as the next generation of blind patrons emerge to ride on the deceptive carnival ride that is life.''

''Why no one else can see it besides me is a point of wonder, but not one I am interested in pursuing. Ignorance is bliss, and unless ignorance comes up and tries to start a conversation, I see no reason to crush it. Really-''

“Hi!” Vicky’s expression quickly turns to one of shock and horror. She slowly looks up to see the rather plain, average-looking Ramsey standing awkwardly before her. After a few seconds of Vicky awkwardly blinking at him, Ramsey says, “Uh, mind if I sit down?”

Vicky sighs. “I doubt I’ll be able to stop you.” Ramsey’s face lights-up. He eagerly takes a seat on the floor next to Vicky.

“So, what’s your name?” Ramsey asks.

“Victoria,” Vicky replies coldly. Ramsey looks taken aback. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” Ramsey laughs. “I just thought your name would be more… um… y’know…”

“Dark, depressing, and accepting of everything dark and miserable in the world?”

“Er… I guess?”

“They call me Vicky.” Vicky takes a moment to click her pen and close her journal, returning the items to her bag. She could tell that this moron wasn’t going to be going away anytime soon.

“Ah, Vicky!” Ramsey grins, apparently more satisfied with the name. “So, Vicky, tell me about yourself.”

“Who I am is irrelevant and is a point of least concern,” Vicky says, “If it were worth telling people about I would’ve written a book already.”

Ramsey laughs. “Aw, come on, everyone has a story.”

“Everyone has a story that they think is worth telling,” Vicky says. She quickly scans Ramsey up and down. “For the sake of my point, what’s yours?”

“I’m from Tennessee,” Ramsey declares proudly. Vicky blinks. “What, did you expect something more?” Vicky sighs, slowly banging her forehead against her knees.

Out on the deck, the scene is far more lively. A crowd was starting to form around two contestants in particular: Travis, a man who seems to have forgotten his shirt, and Pietro, a man who remembered his shirt but has quickly disposed of it after being challenged to a tournament of testosterone.

“Are you ready to see what a real MAN can do?” Pietro flexes, showing off his hulking biceps. Travis smirks before pumping his pectoral muscles, causing many of the female (and a few of the male) contestants to swoon. Pietro shoots Travis an envious glare before whipping out the big guns: that’s right, his legs. The spectators quickly start to ooh and ahh at Pietro’s godly leg muscles, before Travis counters with his cute and impeccably charming face. The crowd goes absolutely wild, before one bad apple storms in to spoil the fun.

“That is enough,” exclaims the short, frail, older woman with skin the color of dust. “I, Matilda Louisa-Ann Goldschmidt, will not stand for this pointless charade of lust and egocentric behavior!” The crowd quickly grows annoyed and disperses, leaving Matilda face-to-face with the shirtless Pietro. She stomps up to him, jabbing her index finger square in the middle of his exposed chest before proceeding to glare deep into his soul. “Put your shirt back on, you buffoon! Nobody here wants to see your sick, twisted, provocative body!”

Pietro scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Clearly,”

Matilda growls. “Clothes were meant to be worn, not to be cast off just so you can carry out teen girls’ and homosexuals’ dirty, sinful fantasies!” Pietro grits his teeth and steps forward, causing Matilda to stumble back, only to see Pietro towering over her now, his face mere inches above hers in a pure act of intimidation.

“Manliness knows no bounds,” he says in his scariest voice possible. Matilda casually flicks Pietro’s nose. Pietro’s eye twitches, before he faints from the crippling blow.

“Now,” Matilda says, “for the OTHER one…” she whirls around, only to find that Travis had cleverly vanished during her and Pietro’s confrontation. Matilda sniffs and points her nose up in the air. “Very well, then. My job here is done.” She walks off.

Further down the deck, bumbling chef Alfred and free spirit Karen are gathered around Lila, who is cheerfully strumming away at her ukulele as the wind blows her poofy lavender hair every which way.

“So, you’re a lawyer?” Alfred asks Karen, who is presently combing through her stringy blonde hair with her fingers.

“Yeah, man,” she replies, “It’s a pretty chill gig.”

“So you didn’t mean to apply for this show either?”

Karen laughs. “Actually, I did. After I got through law school and all, I started to realize how constricted our society is. Nine to five jobs, suburbia, social classes and stuff. Then I started to think of what causes all of these limitations, and what I could do to fix it. And then it hit me: fashion. You feel me?” Alfred blinks, hopelessly confused. “The only way to live without restriction is to live as we were initially: free, out in the open, and unclothed.”

Alfred gives a nervous chuckle. “Right… So, I’m the only one here who isn’t into this whole fashion thing?”

“Nope,” Lila says, still merrily plucking at her ukulele. Alfred’s face lights up. “I’m just here to spread the love and advocate for world peace!” Alfred’s expression drops right away.

“Oh,” he sighs. “But then… Why are you on a fashion show? Aren’t there better ways?”

“Like getting a Tumblr?” Karen suggests.

“Muh,” Lila shrugs as she stops playing her ukulele. “I suppose. But life is just one big adventure! Why not try to have some fun while trying to make the world a better place? I mean sure, an internet blog would reach more people, but being there in person, it… it changes people,” Lila kneels down and places her hand over Alfred’s heart. “Right here.” Alfred blinks awkwardly. “Do you feel the love, Alfie?”

Alfred gulps. “Um, not… really?” Lila’s face reflects a look of absolute devastation.

“World peace is fleeting!” Lila cries, throwing her arms up in the air, resulting in her throwing her ukulele overboard. After a brief moment to realize what she had just done, Lila’s eyes widen. “Carolyn!” The zany girl dives into the ocean after her beloved instrument. Alfred and Karen both look over the boat's railing, finding no trace of her.

“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Alfred asks.

Karen shrugs. “Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow, man.” Alfred sighs.

The scene casually shifts to a different part of the boat’s railing, where a new group of contestants awaits. Spence is presently working his leather-laced charm on Gretchen, who is acting ever-so disinterested.

“So yeah, my ex-girlfriend’s dad owns like, four motorcycles. Haha, yeah, I know right? And even after we broke-up, he still lets me ride them. Cuz I really am that cool.” Spence gives a triumphant smile. He turns to Gretchen, who is boredly filing away at her nails. The queen finally looks up to meet Spence’s eyes and jumps, as if not knowing that he was even there.

“Oh, sorry, what’d you say?” Spence sighs.

“I have a tight six-pack and a hammer in my p--,”

Gretchen bursts out laughing. “Wait, I’m sorry, but I’m really not. A hammer? Is that the best you can do? Jeez, why am I even giving you the time of day?”

Spence panics, before blurting out. “A, uh, a really BIG hammer!” Gretchen can no longer contain her laughter, knocking herself off her feet and proceeding to roll on the floor laughing. Spence’s face turns a deep shade of red. After a few awkward moments, Gretchen finally regains her composure, standing back up and fixing her specially-done hair.

“I’m sorry, but you are just not worth it,” Gretchen says, “Your fashion sense is nonexistent. Your charm is critically endangered. And you are a grade-A loser.” Spence gasps at gretchen’s outrageously harsh comments.

“WELL,” Spence folds his arms matter-of-factly, “At least I’m not grade… grade… F! I doubt any of the other guys here even want you, and you turn me down for no reason?”

Gretchen assumes her sassiest pose possible and glares daggers at spence. “Now you listen here, punk. I am not here to get into some moronic dude-bag’s pants. I am here for ME. When I am through with this show, people around the WORLD will know my name. And you?” Gretchen gets all up in Spence’s face. “You will be a NOBODY!” Spence stumbles back, scared for his life Gretchen snaps her fingers in a z-formation and skips off. Spence grits his teeth.

“What a diva…” Spence taps his chin contemplatively. “Yeah, she totally wants me.” The bro stands firmly and begins to walk in the opposite direction, a triumphant grin across his face.

Somewhere else on the deck, High-Heel Heath is in action, wasting no time in putting on his acting face and giving everyone a show. In a dress that made all the female contestants feel wildly insecure about their own fashion senses, Heath struts arounds, a stern look on his face. Most of the others take measures to avoid him out of fear, except for one: the ever-so egocentric Chadd, always on the look out for something shocking.

“Dude,” Chadd laughs. “We have a drag queen on this show? That is awesome!”

“No drag,” Heath says in some unrecognizable accent as he overacts. “Just queen.” He flips his bright wig of hair over his shoulder like it’s nobody’s business.

“Ah, this is great!” Chadd exclaims, “Finally, somebody to challenge my expertise.”

“Alejandro,” Heath says, grabbing Chadd’s shoulders. Chadd is noticeably dumbfounded.

“Um, it’s Chadd…”

Heath pulls Chadd uncomfortably close to him. “Together, we can accomplish anything!”

“With two D’s, man… two…”

“Together, we… we can take over the world!” Heath throws one of his arms up towards the sky, giving Chadd enough room to escape. However, Chadd simply stays put, in awe of Heath.

“Actually, that... sounds pretty nice.”

Heath draws his hand pack, tilting his head down in a pure bout of melodrama. “D’accord,” he says. Chadd’s face reflects a look of overwhelming confusion, and so he simply pats Heath on the back, looking to comfort him.

“There, there… pal…?” Chadd glances at the camera awkwardly.

The sun beat down on the contestants as the boat soars through the water. Southern belle Betsy and chatty Danni are at the boat’s most forward point, looking out into the horizon. Betsy fixes her black cowgirls hat and turns around, sinking to ship’s wood floor.

“I reckon we oughta be ther’ by now,” Betsy pouts.

“Oh my gosh there it is!” Danni squeals, jumping up and down excessively. Betsy springs to her feet and looks out to the sea again. Sure enough, there it is: the island they had all been hearing about. The one they longed for and the one they thought would never come. The island where many of their dreams would come true, but just as many more would perish.

“Docking in ten!” A message rings out over the ship’s intercom, apparently from the captain.

Betsy dances around in glee. “Ah can’t wait!”

“Ooohhh my gosh, I know right?” Danni asks. “Actually now that I think about it I’m not a very patient person so I guess saying that I can’t wait for something doesn’t hold that much weight but I mean this I really CAN’T wait for because oh my God we’re going to be on a TV show and we’re gonna be like backstabbing each other and voting each other out and it’ll be just like Total Drama well I mean the first like six seasons ‘cause you know we all know what happened to that show hahaha but yeah I can’t wait!”

Betsy looks at Danni, her left eye twitching in annoyance. She shakes her head and plasters a smile on her face. “Haha, I know exactly what yer mean!” She playfully slugs Danni in the arm.

Danni’s eyes well with tears. “H-how could you do that?” Betsy hesitated.

“I-I, it was a joke!”

Danni runs off crying. Or, she tries to. She gets about five feet away before running over her dress and face-planting squarely on the floor. Betsy grits her teeth in utter annoyance, but calms herself before returning to her sunny disposition, helping Danni up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” Danni sniffles and gives Betsy a knowing smile, before embracing her in a hug that was all too powerful. Betsy rolls her eyes, but plays along.

Minutes later, the ship’s horn signals to all of the contestants the news they had been waiting for: they are about to dock! Everyone grabs their various bags of the luggage that had been carelessly thrown into one corner of the deck and gathers in the center. The boat finally docks and they all rush out.

“Way cool!” Lila exclaims.

“Why does such a small island have all those big buildings?” Travis points to the island’s inner city, still surrounded by dense woodland. As the boat drives away, the contestants all look around for some semblance of life on the island, only to be disappointed.

“Sooo… What now?” Ramsey asks.

“We all stand here and waste away,” Vicky replies.

“That does not seem like a good idea,” Pietro states.

Gretchen scoffs. “No, really, brainiac?”

“Looking for US?” The contestants, all turn and look down the dock, to see Chip and Flutina walking down the red carpet towards them. Flutina steps ahead of Chip in order to greet the contestants. “Welcome to your home for the next six weeks! I would have everyone go around and introduce themselves, but I’m sure you all got more than acquainted on your boat ride here.” A few of the contestants grumble in disgust. “Now, as you all know, this is, first and foremost, a fashion show. So before we get to any of the boring, old game mechanics, let’s give you a tour of our FABULOUS locale!”

Chip snaps his fingers, signaling everyone to follow him down the red carpet. “As you can probably tell, we spared no expense when putting this place together,” Chip says as he walks everyone through the forest. “However, these woods are still a little underdeveloped. If you ever find yourself wandering in here, don’t be surprised it you see, like, one or two rogue crew members. Don’t be alarmed, they’re just doin’ their jobs.”

‘And we must point out,” Flutina interrupts, “That trying to converse with these crew members will not end well for you. It could very well lead to your expulsion from the competition, or worse.” A few of the contestants exchange odd looks with one another.

The group makes their way into the more urban part of the island. The streets are lined with tiny little shops, and a couple civilians walking to and fro.

“Whoa, people live here?” Alfred asks.

Chip bursts out laughing. “Ha! No, not at all. Any and all civilians you see here are merely paid actors. It’s to help you guys feel more at home, and to help us…” Chip pauses to choose his words carefully, “...keep a watchful eye.”

Continuing his introduction, Chip says, “Most of your challenges will be outdoors, for better lighting and all. But for down time where you all don’t feel like being roasted by the tropical sunlight, you’ll be staying… there!” Chip points to the tallest building in the center of the island. “The Hotel de Couture! Located centrally on the island, it’ll give you a wide range of access to all of the glamorous island features and the like. Also, for added dramatic purposes, you’ll all be limited to just a few rooms. Three for the guys, three for the gals. It wouldn’t be very dramatic if we had everyone on their own floor, now, would it?”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Flutina chimes in.

The two hosts both turn to face the contestants once they reach the Hotel de Couture. “And this, is the town square. This is where we will meet for all of our challenges, votes, eliminations, all that good stuff.”

“I must implore you to get on with it,” Matilda folds her arms crankily.

“Before we cut you loose,” Flutina says, “We will be dividing you into teams!”

“Isn’t this, like, an individual thing?” Karen asks.

“Well, that would just be no fun, now, would it?” Flutina shakes her head matter-of-factly. “Anyway. When I call you name, please step forward. Alfred, Vicky, Pietro…”

Pietro excitedly grabs Alfred and bounds forward, while Vicky saunters up disinterestedly.

“Gretchen, Karen, Heath, and… Matilda!”

Pietro’s face shows absolute horror at Matilda’s name being called. Karen gladly walks up, standing next to Alfred. Heath and Gretchen both attempt to strut up, before locking eyes with one another in total disgust. When the team is all together, Flutina tosses them a golden flag.

“You guys will be known as the Killer Catwalks!”

“Hey, that’s pretty cool,” Alfred says.

“Lame,” Gretchen folds her arms.

Flutina looks at the remaining contestants, a big smile across her face. “That means that the rest of you, Ramsey, Spence, Danni…”

Ramsey smiles awkwardly, Danni smiles obnoxiously, and Spence smiles smugly.

“Lila, Chadd, Travis, and Betsy will all be on the other team!”

Lila jumps with excitement while the others merely nod, not really caring what team they are on.

Flutina tosses the second group a red flag and exclaims, “You will henceforth be known as the Rampaging Runways!” Many of the team members cheer, believing their name to be way better than the other team’s. A few members of the Killer Catwalks frown in disappointment.

“Alright, now that that’s settled,” Chip says, “Go crazy!” The contestants all hurriedly charge for the doors of the Hotel de Couture, hoping to possibly get better rooms than others or not have to room with people they already dislike. As the final contestant enters the hotel, Flutina and Chip both turn to the camera, bearing their pearly-white smiles for the world to see.

“That’s it for now! Tune in next time for a new, dramatic episode of Easy,” Flutina strikes yet another pose.

“Breezy,” Chip echos Flutina with a similar pose.

“BEAUTIFUL!” The hosts sing in unison.

The scene fades to black as the two hosts exchange brief, worried looks.

Elimination Table
Key: Name: This contestant was on the Killer Catwalks team. Name: This contestant was on the Rampaging Runways team. WIN: This contestant won immunity for this episode. SAFE: This contestant did not get enough votes to be sent to the Fashion Face-Off. WIN: This contestant was the winner of this episode's Fashion Face-Off. OUT: This contestant was the loser of this episode's Fashion Face-Off and eliminated from the game.

Trivia

 * The title is obviously a reference to CoverGirl's iconic slogan.
 * The story's concept was thought of on a whim; I decided to run with it.
 * Alfred was inspired by cooking competitions, another obscure sub-genre of reality TV.
 * Gretchen is basically Helen only better...
 * Karen's character was inspired by Hali Ford from Survivor: Worlds Apart.
 * Pietro is named after Pietro Maximoff, a.k.a. Quicksilver, from the Marvel Universe.
 * Ramsey is based off fellow wiki user Avery FireFlame.
 * Spence is based off a particularly charming person I know in real life.
 * Travis is a parody of reality shows' tendencies to cast people solely for sex appeal.
 * Chip and Flutina were created on the spot as I began to write the first chapter. Over the course of writing their introductory performance, I created their personalities and plots for the story.