User blog:Jkl9817/Jkl's satiric blog post number 4: Story time with Grandpa Gideon

As mentioned before, I'm not dead. So I'm keeping stuff like this up. The third post of this series was the most successful of them, with forty-seven comments and a temporary mention on the Hot Spots section of the Wiki Activity page. Now I'm just going to jump right to the fourth planned post before I start actually taking "requests", if you will. The fourth post will be a Legacy storytelling featuring Gideon as "Grandpa Gideon" (even though he's not that old). It'll be in script format because I felt like it. Have fun.

It's story time with Grandpa Gideon!
The kids gather at the living room to hear another one of Grandpa Gideon's famous stories.

Grandpa Gideon: Hi, kids. Kids: Hi, Grandpa Gideon. Grandpa Gideon: Are you ready to hear a new story? Josh: If we weren't, why would we be here? Grandpa Gideon, aside: The youth of today... (turns to the kids:) Well, today's story will be called "Legacy". Susanne: Why? Grandpa Gideon: You'll understand further ahead in the story. Angus: Why don't you just tell us now? Grandpa Gideon: Because it would lose its charm. Now- Pat: Why is it so important that the name of the story has a charm? Grandpa Gideon: Because- well, nevermind. I'll just begin. It was late morning as the aging red Lexus tooled along an unremarkable semirural road in the Muskoka district... Angus: I'm not familiar with half of the words in this sentence. Grandpa Gideon, yelling to the kitchen: DW, are you letting them watch 30 Rock again? Mrs. Gideon, from the kitchen: Stop calling me DW! Grandpa Gideon: Anyway, Heather was returning home by another route, for she had been much delayed, and a good deal aggravated, by road construction on the trip out, and she was not willing to deal with- Josh, are you gonna listen to me or read the dictionary?! Josh: We wouldn't have to go through this if you just found us a translator like we asked you. Grandpa Gideon: How many times will I have to tell you I'm speaking English? (sighs) Well, continuing the story, Heather suddenly noticed a road sign announcing a "Point of interest" in the vicini- neighborhood. It read "Camp Wawanakwa", which caught Heather's eye. All the groceries she was taking with her were needless of refrigeration, so on a whim she took the turnoff and went to make a quick visit to the camp. Pat: What's with that camp after all? You always mention it in your stories. Grandpa Gideon: It's from an old cartoon. You... Susanne: Oh, you and your old cartoons... Grandpa Gideon: Will you let me finish the story or what? Josh: Go ahead. Granpa Gideon: Well, the road terminated near the so-called- Pat: Why can't you just say "ended"? Grandpa Gideon: Oh, come on! Pat: I'm just saying... Grandpa Gideon: Okay, okay. The road ended near the so-called stadium, which had been the scene of what Heather still counted as the greatest moment of her life: Winning Total Drama Island, even though she had eighteen of the 19 spectators in the “Peanut Gallery of Failure” arrayed against her. She- Angus: Is it that Top Chef spin-off you tell us about? Grandpa Gideon: Close. Total Drama Island was a reality show that- Susanne: Don't shift away from the story. Grandpa Gideon: Okay, okay... Well, then Heather strolled sedately through the camp, and its facilities were as nonfunctional as they used to be. Josh: Do you really think we're understanding anything of what you're saying? Grandpa Gideon: Nevermind. I'll just skip to the important part. She met a former opponent in the camp, who was there for a ten year special. Then they reminded of the day a tragedy had ravaged the competition. Ten years before, a contestant named Gwen had been killed by an escaped psycho killer who had invaded the island. After that, Heather ended up winning the competition, and all the other contestants left the show before season 2 for they were too traumatized by that murder to keep competing. Then each contestant took their own course, and so on. Back to the present, Heather told Duncan her daughter would be named Gwen, yet not because of the incident. They kept talking and eating, while waiting for the ten year special's commander to show up. That's it. Happy now? Angus: ...not really. It could have been more detailed. Susanne: Yeah. And you didn't describe the characters that well. Pat: And your storytelling style isn't exactly what I would call "ellegant"... Josh: Even the LTDI preview you gave us yesterday was more entertaining and clear than that, to be honest.

''Grandpa Gideon stares at the kids, incredulous. Then he has a nervous breakdown and runs around the house breaking things and yelling archaic swear-words. After the dust settles, the kids remain sitting quiet on the living room's carpet.''

Josh: Did any of you guys understand the name of the story? Susanne: I think it has something to do with that red Lexus. Pat: Probably. Boy, if he expects that story to become something, I've got bad news for him... Angus: I know, right? Let's eat something.

The kids go to the kitchen.

'''Apology note: Well, Gideon... I hope you don't feel offended. I really like your style of writing, actually, so take that as nothing more than a parody. That's it. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading, and wait for more. Also, I might start taking requests from now on... *winks*'''