User blog:Freefalling Lilacs/... So, um, long time no see!

I really have no idea who is still on the wiki who could remember me, but for those of you who do - I'm back. Well, I'm like 90% sure I'll be back. For those of you who don't know me, hello! I'm Freefalling Lilacs, I write long stories (or should I say a long story), and have an eclectic set of talents. I was on the wiki for a while and then mysteriously disappeared at the beginning of this year.

The people who do know me probably remember me as the writer of the seemingly eternally unfinished Total Drama Island: For Your Entertainment, or maybe as that weirdly private chick who drew some things. Well, in an attempt to clear up why I was gone and try to give you guys some insight into my life, I've got some explainin' to do.

What I Did While I Was MIA
Just as a quick warning: I’m going to go into extreme detail here, and it gets a bit … well, actually more than a bit serious.

As I mentioned before, when I was a semi-regular on the wiki I kept a lot about myself private, but I want to slightly change that now. First off, for this story's sake I'm going to finally give out my age: I just turned 18 this summer.

So, this year was a big year for me: it was my senior year of high school. I've always excelled in class, so schoolwork was no problem ... but then there was the dreaded C-word. No, not that C-word! I mean college. I honestly was unprepared for the decision-making process, but since I was always a really smart kid it was kind of expected of me to go to school. The entire process really stirred up high anxiety and depression that hadn’t really occurred in a while, but I eventually got it over with and chose a school.

I disappeared from the wiki around March-ish (don’t quote me on that, though), mostly because I was actually content with life and just wanted to spend my time off the Internet. I had some really amazing friends, was in clubs that I actually liked, and it was nearing the end of my senior year- even at my terrible high school, that meant prom, class night, and a graduation ceremony. Even though anxiety and depression were still lingering over my head, I was trying to live it up.

I graduated, the summer passed, and everybody I knew started leaving for school. I was the lucky one to be the last to leave, but the second I stepped onto the campus of the college I had chosen, I knew that something was wrong. I’m not going to go into detail about my experience, but in the few weeks that I was there my symptoms of anxiety and depression went through the roof. I was having daily panic attacks, couldn’t stop shaking, and was sick to my stomach constantly. Even with daily visits to a counselor, my moods kept plummeting and plummeting. To make a long story short, it got to the point where I was ready to end my life.

And so I left the school, and I definitely won’t be returning. I’m going to community college for now, and I’m a changed person from who I was when I was last on the wiki. I felt like I needed to share this story somewhere, and I know that it’s probably not what anybody wants to hear when I first come back, but I think it tells you all a lot about me.

Plans Now That I'm Back
For the record, I have absolutely no idea what's been happening on the wiki since I've been gone. I tried skimming through the Wiki Activity, but I saw very little fic posting/commenting recently, so it might take a while for me to get back into the swing of things.

But now that I’m back, I’m hoping to eventually get back to, you guessed it, my good old fic For Your Entertainment. I honestly left it off at what may be the worst place possible – for one thing, it was in the middle of an episode, and it was kind of an episode with some major plot points and a game-changing elimination. These characters are near and dear to my heart, and I hate leaving their story hanging. For a while, I debated on converting the story into an original, non-fanfiction piece and removing it from the wiki. That might still happen eventually, but for now it’s here to stay.

Skimming through some of the old chapters, though, there’s kind of a lot I want to change. So, I’ve decided I’m starting with that. Some of the changes are just adjustments in grammar and sentence structure, but there’re some character traits I potentially want to play up that went missing (ex: Wes is going to be getting a clearer personality, and Irina is going to have immigrated from Russia more recently, so her foreign-ness will be toyed with.)

One thing that really helps me when my mood slips is drawing. I was halfway through posting the updated character models when I left, but my art style has really changed since I finished creating them, and honestly I’m still just not happy with some of the character designs. I really want to add a bit more diversity to the cast, so a few of the characters that have looked the same for a while are going to be experiencing some changes. Some are just going through facial feature edits that came along with the evolving style (Allison, for example, is practically unchanged), while others will be getting some changes in coloration and even ethnicity (ex: Minerva is now a redhead, Sebastian is now more clearly mixed race, and Victor and Cara are no longer Caucasian).

It’s going to be quite the project, but since I’m commuting for the year I’m going to have a lot more time on my hands than anticipated, and working in this familiar territory will hopefully help me out.

In Conclusion
As serious as this post may be, I really don’t think I’m all that bad to talk to. Even though I’m still not going to be going into the Wiki Chat, if you ever want to talk just feel free to write on my talk page! I’m going to try and ease my way back into the wiki possibly by commenting on stories, but I don’t even know where to start with that.

I still love Total Drama, and my brother and I watch every episode of the new seasons in our attempt at cheesy sibling bonding time. We've been doing it since season one, so it would be strange for us to stop now.

I’m sure the wiki’s totally different since I left, but hopefully I’ll be able to get used to it quickly.

<p class="MsoNormal">Thanks to anybody who actually read through this post! For those of you who didn’t, TL;DR: Freefalling Lilacs is back and making a million changes to her obnoxiously long story … again.