User blog:JERealize/Mandatory Birthday Update (from a 25-year-old)

Hello, everyone. This is JERealize and I thought about stopping here and telling you a few things about my like and writing. Also, it's my 25th birthday? Who's the kid now?

Total Drama America rewrite
Not a lot has happened in my writing attempts, and I originally gave up on writing the rest of Total Drama America. I wanted to create my own story franchise and experimented with ideas but wasn't able to go very far. Recently, I tried creating a card game, several short stories and even a handbook, but I wasn't able to get far in any of the projects.

Then I chatted with some people in college and found this one person working at desk. We had talks and I found out she was into Total Drama, so I referred to her my fanfiction attempt. Not only did she like it but she wanted me to write more. I was thrilled.

However, this meant I had to look back at my work. If I wanted to finish it, it needed a heavy revision. I'm going to finish Phase 1 of the revision (involving changing the story and getting rid of needless references and inside jokes) by the end of the week, and Phase 2 (the uniform assignment of past tense and analysis of what happened in the story so far) will follow. If I am into finishing the story by then, Episode 10 should be finished no later than the week after.

However, I don't plan to post the work here. I moved the entire story to a Word file, making conversion to a Wiki format tricky at best. If I want to post it, it would have to be somewhere else, and if I want to make it an original story in the future, it would have to be easily changed. I do, however, want to share it with those interested in the work if I feel it deserves to be shared, and am open to ideas as to where to share it. (And it would be cool if someone made a TV Tropes entry for it when finished. Just saying.)

And if you know Total Drama America by now, it has some references to Hell's Kitchen, and after watching all the seasons I had something else I'd like to add to my writing bucket list. I'd like to make a fanfic season of that series with sixteen cooks from across fiction. That'll come later, though.

Life Plans
As I have one month of college before graduating with a Bachelor's Degree, I should be relieved it's almost over. Then I realize it took me seven years to get to this point and I have wasted at least three years that could have went to better use had I been more efficient. Then there's the fact that I still have no luck finding a job and may not get any job experience before I graduate, making finding a job harder. And then there's an incident my family had last year that I should get out of the way.

Flashback: 2018 Revisited
My dad was an illegal immigrant until December 2017, when he became a legal resident of the United States of America after waiting for nearly 25 years. Due to a form error, my dad wasn't given US Citizenship in 1995 and it took until 2015 for him to have another chance at being a legal resident. By the time he achieved his goal, he worked so long at a dairy farm that he became foreman and a trusted employee, even getting perks like paid leave while going to Ciudad Juarez, Mexico to get his files through and get a pardon. Our family wasn't too well off but we had a stable life.

A change in management ruined all that. My dad started getting warnings for nonsensical reasons and on July 16, 2018, the owners fired him and we had to leave our home (which was company property) in two weeks' time. No precedent was given for his termination and so many of the actions the employers took to get us out were illegal, but we had no home for a month and had to live with relatives until we got a new place to live.

Between my dad trying to get a Class A driver's license for his dream job, everyone else working to support our family and pay off the house loan, the lack of success in getting unemployment benefits, my dad saving up to file suit, my mom saving up to file a case for her permanent residency (she's still illegal), her losing her vision, and me running out of federal grants to go through college and having to resort to loans, I've lost hope for my family to recover. My parents say things will get better, but I've yet to see the evidence. I don't believe a merciful god would allow loyal and tax-paying subjects to suffer injustice after injustice. That being said...

Life Plans (continued)
I do have a plan, but it's not well thought out and requires me having a satisfactory job. If I have a good job after graduation (which I doubt) and can save up enough money regularly (which again I doubt), I would use the money to get assistance in creating the card game I mentioned. Not many details will be divulged here, but it has such a unique concept that I can't imagine people not wanting to take part in it. Part of it is about leaving an impact and sharing what I love, but we all know the practical nature if it's successful. If I get enough of a profit from it, I can hire assistants to help me write the stories I want to write and make a contribution that would return the favor in the long-term.

That seems like a long shot. It is.

Considering I have tried writing since I was eight and have made no progress anywhere, and considering every other thing I tried doing has ended up with me eliminated in the first round of voting, and considering I have no friends to talk to, I should give up. It seems like a waste of time that I could have used in being an average Joe and forgetting the visions I have for enriching the lives of others through my crazy ideas, instead seeking a practical and mundane life.

But.

The.

Urge.

Won't.

Stop.

I don't feel content with just letting things be. I really, really want to do something meaningful with my life. I just can't find a way. If I don't make the right friends by graduation, I'll lose any chance of having any meaningful relationship. I already feel unfulfilled as it is in college with everyone having friends or significant others and being in their late teens to early twenties. I haven't met anyone from previous schools during my stay at Fresno State, so I don't know how others are faring. I can't even watch television anymore with how much it depresses me. Counselors and advisors have been no help to me. I can't find common ground with my family anymore. And what's worse, no amount of words from you guys can cheer me up because I feel I broke down the psychology of the human mind to think people only do what they do because it advances them, makes them happy, or absolves them of guilt. Plus you're online and I haven't seen your faces, which compounds the problem.

I dread when college is over. It means more monotony and more isolation. It means my mind will scream for change and I won't satisfy it. Now that I look back at the beginning of my blog, I didn't mean for it to go down this slope. I just wanted to do stuff, but it never works out. Hopefully I'll get something done, but as a realist I doubt it.

I'm sorry. I'll stop.

JERealize, the founder of the ISCGS Wiki. (Talk | Blogs | Contributions) 09:29, April 17, 2019 (UTC)