User blog:Jake R/Happy birthday OHFan!

Today is OHFan's birthday. I'd like to honor this guy.

OHFan, you're just... OHFan! Honestly, I talk to you the most probably, except Toad.

History
(NOTE: CAN BE BAD FOR YOUNGER VIEWERS :3)

Me and OHFan were a pair of twins. Our mom, Bruno, gave birth to only me on June 3rd, 1998. OHFan was going to be killed. Our mom was going to eat so much food that he would have no room to live. Yes, that's possible >.>, and anyway, he ended up just eating it all, making him a fat child.

On December 18th, 1998, OHFan was named "Charlie Horris Dylan Jean Daniel Edgard Mac Bloo Red Fish Magic Johnson Subway". OHFan was twenty four pounds and seven ounces. However, since he was too big, his mother had to have a DD Section, being declared to heavy to call it a C-section.

For the first years of his life, OHFan was thought to be a house horse, due to taking up so much room. Jake and him often wrestled and fought as infants, but they ended up making up to green beans and fried chicken.

When OHFan was two years old, him and Jake recieved a pig named "Reddy", due to it's reddish skin. Jake and OHFan ended up accidently killing it when they spilt extra hot BBQ sauce on it. Jake ended up eating it alive, and was sent to twenty four minutes in the corner.

When Jake and OHFan were five, they entered elementary school. They were in the same class, with a teacher named "Mrs. Creek" who smoked cocaine in class, because they lived in Orlando. In the class, was FireFlameVG the pyro, Toad the gamer, Duke the bully (loljk :P), TBTDIF the gifted kid, Mystery the loner, and Zoey the attractive one. OHFan decides to ask Zoey out, calling her "pretty titty" which confused Jake.

At lunch that day, OHFan did it, only to be rejected, with Zoey saying she is dating Eddie Muniz. OHFan then went into depression until fourth grade.

In fourth grade, they had the same class again with "Mr. Smith" who liked to scare kids. One day, Jake and OHFan, who came in wearing Sesame Street clothing, sat down to do bellwork. Mr. Smith had scared OHFan so much that OHFan got a fat attack, a heart attack for obese people. Jake had to revive OHFan using crayons and string. OHFan suddenly woke up, and ended up eating the Crayola crayons, thinking they were Pixie Sticks.

On his birthday in fifth grade, OHFan chose to go to camping at Fort Wilderness in Disney World. However, since there parents forgot the tents, they had to find shelter. Jake ends up getting eaten by a bear, which scares OHFan and both of there parents. OHFan then tries to find Jake, only to be eaten by another bear. However, OHFan wasn't able to be eaten due to his fat on him and being to chewy. OHFan was then spit out, along with Casey Anthony, bag of weed, gold chain, Chappy, a giant whale, the Survivor immunity idol, a Matsing buff, and cookies. After being taken to the hospital, OHFan almost passed away, but he survived.

Jake and OHFan entered sixth grade together, which was middle school. They had one class together, which was art class. However, OHFan ended up being banned from that class, since he made a penis with clay, when it was meant to be a rocket. Jake missed OHFan, but had to move on without him.

By the time eight grade came, OHFan was determined to get a girl. He tries asking Zoey out again, but fails, saying she is with Toad. OHFan then attempts to ask out Sarah, commonly known as iHeart. He gets rejected again, and decides against dating. Jake also likes Zoey, like every boy does. Jake and OHFan agree to murder Toad.

Jake and OHFan go to Toad's house on the night of February 31st, 2012. They agree to drown Toad, so it can look like more of an accident. Jake and OHFan get there. Jake grabs a rope and bricks, and OHFan gets the cholorform. However, OHFan gets sweaty due to his boob fat. He ends up watching the cholorform rag on him, to cool him off, only to pass out. Jake then sees this, and Toad's sister wakes up. Jake ends up locking her in the dog cage in the basement for her to be quiet.

As Jake tries to wake OHFan up, Toad's dad wakes up, to which Jake freaks out. He picks up OHFan and goes under Toad's bed to hide. Toad's dad comes in there to steal a bit of money from Toad. Before he leaves, OHFan smells a bread crumb, which wakes him up. He then starts talking to Jake, asking him what happened. Toad's dad then almost finds them, until Jake knocks OHFan after seeing a diet magazine. Jake and OHFan didn't commit the murder, and got away before any found out.

Now, in the ninth grade, Jake and OHFan are loyally close, being best friends. However, after Jake comes out with saying he likes Zoey. Jake and OHFan then end up deciding to fight, and the winner can get Zoey. Jake puts a vaccum to OHFan's man boobs, which suck milk out. OHFan then almost drowns Jake in the toliet. After Jake runs to the pool, OHFan follows. Jake grabs a knife on the way, to kill OHFan if OHFan tries to kill him.

After Jake grabs the knife, OHFan reveals he does. Jake asks how he had a knife when chasing him. OHFan says that he always carries a knife incase he needs to eat. Jake then tries to hop in the pool, knowing he could win a fight in water. OHFan then chases him in there. After Jake nearly chokes him, OHFan stabs Jake in the arm with the knife. Unsure of what to do, Jake tries to grab the knife he had, since it fell. Jake lets go of OHFan to get the knife, only to be punched by OHFan.

After about an hour of fighting, Jake starts to go dizzy due to blood loss. OHFan is guarding Jake, and won't let him out of the pool. The pool is above ground, and is eighteen feet deep. Jake grabs the knife, and throws it at the small part not touched by water. The pool then explodes, causing Jake and OHFan to go out of the pool with the waterfall.

Jake and OHFan then realized Zoey isn't worth it, and become good friends and brothers again.

End
Happy birthday, OHFan! I hope you liked my screwed up story. It was just random xD

~Jake R: Welcome...  stalkers!   03:08, December 19, 2012 (UTC)