User blog:JERealize/Progress Bar: Issue 027

Okay, to tell you the truth, when I saw Episode 8 of TDAS once it came out, I decided to make a second review. Hope you don't mind. This is the special Halloween edition of Progress Bar.

(October 31, 2013)

TDAS Episode 8: You Regatta Be Kidding Me
So... First of all, about the zombie attack... It turns out that I met the Feds, the Feds arrested me, I barely got out of a life (or death) sentence, and Tulare County is being rebuilt. Also, I've been compensated by FEMA, and I've rebuilt my house. Enough said, because any more said would break this false reality. Now... enough with that storyline and on to the good stuff.

Brought to you by Pizza Hut.

Just kidding; no link there.

I've commented a lot on the episode as I watched it, but I have to type it all again due to not having DVR. Yeah, we're not a rich family. Let's just say I've never been proud of my address, and leave it at that.

So, in the Winners' cabin, Gwen wakes up, and apparently, she had a nice sleep.

"I just dreamt I was riding a fluffy unicorn across clouds made of marshmallows."

"Yeah, they're soft beds, all right."

And Courtney came in. And soon enough, they speak in unison.

"If I don't win the million bucks, I hope you do!"

"And I mean it, too!"

Apparently, we're back in Total Friendship. Like Heather had warned us about. Also, good thing I wasn't speaking with them. That may not be eww, but it would still be awkward.

On the other side of the wall, Scott is trying to listen in on the girls, but fails.

"These walls are way too thick. Speak up!"

Uh, Scott, you already have a few targets glued to your head. If you give yourself away, you could be the next down the toilet. And Cameron is relieved to not deal with Sierra, but Scott reminds him that the competition is not over yet.

"Just 'cause she's gone, don't mean you're safe."

Eyes wide open. Cameron is paranoid. As for Scott, he confesses that the actual villains are doomed to go from the Villains' team. At least he said that Gwen is a wannabe. Good for you, Scott.

As for Duncan...

"Everyone thinks I've gone soft and lost my edge. I'll show them who's gone soft. I'll show them all!"

That's right. He's gone so soft that he aims to do some bad to convince everyone that he's still a bad guy. And history states that this is generally not a good idea.

Attempt one: He tries graffiti-ing on the Losers' cabin. Result: He spray-paints... a bunny? Wow. Honestly, how can that happen?

Attempt two: He tries submerging Chef's Jeep. (Yes, they don't rename their brand-name Jeeps in cartoons.)

"I'll drive Chef's ride into the ocean."

Whoa, hold on a minute. He said he was going to drive the car into the ocean. As far as I know, the island is on a lake. And the closest actually-existing large body of water? Lake Huron. Nowhere near the ocean. Plus, what is the steering wheel even attached to?

Result: Well, let's see. He can't get the engine to start, so he has to fix it. And just in time for the challenge, where Chef takes it off. Apparently, fixing an engine is also nice.

You're 0-for-2 here, Duncan.

"Ugh!"

Alejandro came back from exile, not only alive, but not even injured. How did he do it? Let's see... In a flashback clip, he talked to a bear...

"My, your breath is powerful, almost as compelling as your eyes."

Shot of glimmering eyes.

"The only eyes more beautiful than yours are those of that gopher."

Gopher pops up, sparkling eyes. And apparently, that's Alejandro's way of siccing a bear onto a gopher.

"Enough with the self-promotion, Al!"

Chris has a big announcement. Let's listen, shall we?

"Today, the teams are being merged!"

(beat) Wait. Now hold on, for one million-dollar-hugging-moment. Did he just say that he merged the teams?

"That's right! From now on, challenges are for individual winners only, and everyone is at risk of getting the not-so-royal flush."

Wait, didn't he say last time:

"...the teams are not merging."

(beat) What is this?! He just retconned the only good part of his campfire twist from last time. And the worst part is, no one seemed to care. What kind of brain erasers were the developers on, anyway? I was kinda, not totally, but kinda, looking forward to a non-merged game.

Whoops, Chris receives a call. Is it from the in-game producers? The angry fans? The course of time itself?

"It's my stylist."

I totally despise you now.

Anyways, Zoey, Cameron, and Mike (which is actually Mal in Mike's clothing, which hopefully, I don't have to mention ever again) form an alliance. Wait, did they just allow Mike (in Mal form) in their alliance? Zoey?

"Duncan thinks Mike's just an alternate personality for an evil guy he met in Juvie named Mal. Well, maybe Mal is one of Mike's alternate personalities, but no way it's the other way around. Anyway, Mike's in control again..."

Listen to her. She's an idiot. A complete idiot. She knew something was going on, so why is she doing this to herself? And her Tarot cards? Weak sauce.

"The lonely prisoner, the creepy tower, and the evil leprechaun?"

Well, at least it isn't too far off. Mike (the real one) is a lonely prisoner at about this time.

"It's really easy to imitate Mike. Not even Zoey has a clue I'm not him. I should have done this years ago."

Inside Mike's brain again. More of this, and he might just break Jimmy Neutron's record of in-brain views. Anyways, Mike's dragging the rock chained to him (and this is the first time I notice that the rock looked like Mal; wow, am I slow), when he sees a creepy tower ahead of him.

"What's at the top of that tower?"

Okay, Zoey's Tarot cards are pretty spot-on. And, it looks like an answer that will have to wait for later, because a few question marks fly past him. Since this isn't the outside world, I shouldn't judge.

As these "whoo-ting" question marks fly by Mike, Mike grabs one and breaks his chain.

"Why? Why? Why?"

"Because!"

Then he makes a run for the tower, but stops when he sees Chester selling skateboards.

"It was Mal's idea."

Mike asks for help from Chester to defeat Mal, and after a while of ranting, Chester accepts. Mike breaks Chester's chain with a skateboard (2 down, 3 to go), and they're off. Of course, Chester notes that this may not end well.

Back in the outside world... Chris is still on the phone.

"Guy thinks I'm colorblind. As if!"

But not for long.

"Anywho... this week's challenge is a regatta around the island."

And then we have an outburst by Duncan, who doesn't know what a regatta is.

"It's a boat race."

"So, why didn't you say that?

"Because I'm classy. Hello...?"

Anyway, the first person to sail around the island wins immunity. Sounds like the bike race from Season 1. Remember that? Where second place was an automatic elimination? That was Lindsay's greatest moment.

"...two-faced, backstabbing, lying little (extended bleep, and believe me, it was long enough to get the attention of everyone around)!"

"Don't worry; Chef will keep things interesting by providing some 'obstacles' for you."

Classic Chris. Because of this, I don't know whether to love him or hate him. Anyway, the boats may or may not float indefinitely, and whoever gets to them first can claim them.

"...starting... now!"

Sorry. This review isn't coming off to a good start.

Courtney and Gwen team up, of course, plus, they don't buy Duncan's story that says Mike's a bad guy.

"Ha! Like he's a threat."

"I'm telling you, he's dangerous. I knew him back in Juvie when his name was Mal.

Gwen and Courtney laugh. Just let them go, Duncan. Their ignorance is their weakness.

Anyways, Alejandro gets first pick on a white-with-red speedboat, and Courtney and Gwen get the white-with-purple one...

"...despite the whole 'only one person wins' thing."

Mike (in Mal form) comes in and totals a lot of the remaining boats before setting off on a fishing boat. Don't see how that can compete against two speedboats with head-starts, but since not many options are available...

Zoey and Cameron try to use a motorboat that Mike messed with, but the ship sinks under them. So, I guess the rest of the group (including Duncan and Scott) takes the raft. Last place, anyone?

But wouldn't you know it, Alejandro's boat stalls. And now he's trying to charm its motor. That's desperation for you. Mike speeds past him, which is strange, because when did he pass Courtney and Gwen?

"And, Mike takes the lead. But will he keep it all the way through Coconut Alley?"

"Coconut Alley?"

Coconut Alley. Should have noticed by this time that something would land on your head. Too bad it wasn't the (coining term for the season) "Decisive Blow". Mal's still in control.

Now, it's Gwentney's turn in Coconut Alley, and boy, did it bite. Courtney nearly fell off, and Gwen had to pull her back in.

"Thanks, Gwen. I almost got my hair wet."

"(gasp) I would never let that happen. Your hair is fantastic."

"No, your hair is. What's your secret."

Gwen used to be a boy. A complete unproven hypothesis, but think about "Camp Castaways" for a moment. What really was Gwen's big secret? Also, who's driving the boat? And why is today's diesel called "Diesel #2"?

"Better up the ante, Chef."

And Chef brings in the dynamite sticks, the first of which takes out Gwentney's engines. Alejandro finally restarts the engine, and the ragtag raft kids need a way to catch up to the lead. Cameron figures something for that.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"Sorry, Scott. Nothing personal. Just attracting our motor."

Motor? Attracting? Wait, a shark fin? Cameron, did you just bring out Fang? To eat Scott? Which means... Could Cameron be turning into a villain? That remains to be seen, but I guess we'll find out.

Commercials. Apparently, the episode I downloaded is heaving out ads. But they don't cease reminding us when Steven Universe will come on. Anyways, back to the program.

So, the end result is Scott being hanged on the raft propelling sticks, and Fang being caught just behind Scott, pulling the raft ahead at an impressive rate. Not bad, but certainly not good for Scott. This show has a way to mess up the good guys and promote the bad. Anyways...

"Great idea, dude. Very villainous."

"Oh my gosh! Am I turning evil? I wasn't trying to be a villain. I was just... helping Scott to be a hero?"

That is a weak excuse, Cameron. You know what you realized, so you have to live with it.

And now Gwentney is in dead last. And Mike's still in the lead. Now, Gwen is rowing, and Courtney is pummeling the remains of their engine.

Now, Chef tosses a stick of lit dynamite toward the raft, but Duncan catches it... and stops the fuse. How anti-climactic. I mean, it was still a funny resolution, but wow.

"Don't mind if I do."

Duncan received a DYNAMITE! Duncan puts it away in his inventory. And guess what?

"Is that where Chris lives?"

Eyeful of Chris' luxurious estate.

"Yeah, beautiful. (eyes dynamite) Just beautiful."

And Duncan jumps ship estate-ways. Here we go.

Meanwhile, the rafters eye piranhas ahead, and Mike (in Mal form) just beyond.

"We might just catch up!"

"But who are we going to catch up to?"

And Zoey has a crazy way of finding out. Now, only Cameron is left to hold Scott above Fang, and legend says he's not going to do too well.

As Zoey calls for help, Mike (the one inside his mind) notices, and somehow pulls himself into reality, to Mal's astonishment. It's priceless.

"What the--?"

And the first thing Mike wonders is:

"Why am I on a boat?"

And now Alejandro pulls ahead of Mike (in Mike form, for once). Mike sees Zoey is in trouble, but...

"Oh, no you don't!"

Now Mike is back in his head. That's got to hurt. His first ounce of freedom in a while, and now it's gone.

"When I get out of here, Mal is going to pay!"

Never have I read reports about MPD saying anything similar to this. And as for Mal? He recognizes the trouble, but decides to stall for time.

"Hold on! The engine won't start!"

And he's now imitating engine stalling?

"Mike, Zoey's in danger!"

Mal gives up and goes to save Zoey, just to remove the suspicion.

"I knew it! I knew he wouldn't let me become fish food!"

"How gullible is this girl?"

You're telling me. I would join Team Mal, but you beat up Izzy. And I never forgive those who victimize my favorites.

As for Gwentney, somehow the engine restarts and they're back on their way. But how is Gwen holding on to the front of the ship so easily?

And now, we're nearly at the end, but for Alejandro, his boat just won't reach the finish line. And as Mike(Mal)/Zoey passes Cameron/Scott, some Scott-kebab is starting to lose Cameron's grip on it. Zoey notices and tries to tell Mike, but Mal pretends he didn't hear it or her. And the result? Guess who's paying for this?

Scott.

"Never, ever make enemies with a critter who has more teeth than your whole family combined! Never!"

Luckily, he didn't get eaten. But guess who's to blame? Cameron. Mostly from Scott, but seriously, does Cameron even know what he's doing?

So, Scott pushes Cameron overboard, but Cameron doesn't get snacked on.

"Guess he wanted a meal, not a snack."

Guess I wanted my money back for that joke, but you can't always be satisfied.

Meanwhile, inches away from victory, Alejandro just can't get his boat to start. Seriously? Can't he just jump ship and swim across the finish?

And now here comes Gwentney.

"Guess he'll have to Alejand-row, row, row his boat."

Fail joke, Courtney. These things are why I like Gwen better. Even if she could have been a he in the past.

And now, Mike(Mal)/Zoey is trying to catch up, but they're cut off. And the pressure's on between Gwentney and Alejandro. Sweat in his brow, and out of desperation, guess what Alejandro does?

No, he doesn't jump for the finish.

He uses his good looks. Literally. He actually steps to the front of his boat, leans his face in, and wins by a nose. I mean, how...? I mean... is this what the producers intended? I mean, do they know how... corny that is?

Well, Gwentney is second, Mike(Mal)/Zoey is third, and Cameron/Scott is dead-last. And Duncan is... where is Duncan, anyhow?

(explosion, JER covers self)

Oh, not again! (looks up) Oh. The explosion was across the border. (beat) The other border. (beat) I meant, the Canadian border. What's to gain from being prejudiced against my parents' country, anyway?

It turns out Chris' estate was entirely leveled, much to Chris' dismay.

"My cottage!!" (sobs)

"You call that a cottage? It was a mansion!"

It's an estate. Now, do shut up, Courtney, before you mess with a man's property. We have the Constitution, you know. (beat) Wait, this is in Canada, right? Let me check. (looks through papers) Oh, so they have their own constitution. Well, that makes some sense.

And guess who's running among the rubble? Duncan, Duncan, Duncan.

"Now who's gone soft? Hahaha!"

With that, Chris lies in a pit of despair as he hands Alejandro his night at the spa-hotel, with the bonus of getting someone else to accompany him. Every other camper now looks up to him for that second seat, but Alejandro says he can't choose favorites, so Mike, Gwen, Zoey, Cameron, Courtney, and Scott (in that order), feel downcast.

But guess what? Mike (in Mal form) proposes an alliance to Alejandro.

"Hmmm. Intriguing and unexpected. (beat) Just the way I like to play. Deal."

And they shake on it. I feel like I'm in the backdoor of a studio recording a game show.

''"With a friend like me, who needs enemies?" (evil laughter)''

Anyways, after the commercials, we find ourselves at the campfire, where Chris has to announce a few things. First of all, none of the contestants are going to Boney Island.

"Do you know how many statues of me were lost in that explosion? Five!"

You make this sound like the Boston Massacre. And guess how many lives were lost? Five! But wait! Chris is not done. And neither are the police.

"You're under arrest for the destruction of a private cottage."

Yes. In Duncan's quest to become remembered as evil, he is instead remembered as a criminal. Way to blow it, Duncan.

And he doesn't even get his hope of getting locked up in Juvenile Hall.

"Juvie? Um, you destroyed a major piece of property. It's a big-boy jail for you, bro, and it's gonna be a real slammer!"

Boy, does Duncan regret it. If he was running from Mal in Juvenile Hall, he has no chance in an actual prison.

"Dah, snugglemuffins!"

As for the votes, let's say Cameron and Scott are at edge with each other, but we have a little surprise for you. The voting is unanimous!

Wait. What's that, now? Someone voted themselves out?

"Tonight's Flush o' Shame recipient is..."

...wait a minute...

"...Cameron."

Wait, wait, wait a minute, hold on for a while there, stop the presses. Cameron? That is really unlikely. I thought Cameron would have wanted to vote Scott out, because Scott designated Cameron as a threat. I mean... (stops) Let's see how Cameron reacts.

(Cameron:) "What?! How could it be unanimous? I didn't vote for myself!"

(Zoey:) "I didn't vote for him, either."

(Mike (Mal) shrugs)

(Chris:) "Relax. Since Duncan the Destroyer is done, Cameron gets yet another stay of flush-o-cution. You're still in the game, for now."

(Cameron sighs in relief)

(Mike(Mal)) "Sweet!"

And guess what? In the confessional, Mal clearly reveals he rigged the votes, showing all the votes sliding from his hand, one by one, while whistling. Not even saying a word. That is truly epic. Take that, Harold.

But still, think about it. Cameron got saved twice? Twice? TWICE?! You... have... got... to... be... (pause) kidding me! What kind of monstrosity is playing around in the park to keep Cameron from getting eliminated? Twice? The only good thing about it is that it adds to Cameron's paranoia.

Anyways, the episode was pretty nice overall. We had the Scott-bait moment, the fight between Mike and Mal, and a lot of twists. Like, for example, what's with Alejandro and Mal? How will this play out? Also, going into the episode, and despite what I predicted last time, I had never bet on Duncan to be out in this episode. I expected it to either be Cameron, Gwen, or Courtney. The latter two aren't close to that, and Cameron got saved by some sort of weird concoction the producers were sniffing. Also, we still don't have an answer as to what was on top of that dark tower in Mike's head.

As for the episode itself, I prefered what was going on outside the challenge rather than the challenge itself, and the whole episode gets my rating of 7.5/10. I mean, the episode was good, but it still had some stale moments. However, I am looking forward to what Mal has in store for us. Don't eliminate him too early for us, you hear?

Anything else?
Anyways, that's it, for now. The pic will come soon, so don't worry. Anyways, I'll see you all soon. Remember that Gwen may be a boy. And believe in Mal.
 * Halloween costume
 * To be revealed soon.

Have you ever exchanged screams with someone else before? (Talk | Blogs | Contributions) 04:29, November 1, 2013 (UTC)