User blog:JERealize/Progress Bar: Issue 018

It's just a sad day all around. (July 28, 2013)

Fallout: Porterville-Zaandam
There was a situation I couldn't really talk about that occurred last night. (I don't know if I should talk about it, because I could be yelled at for doing so.) After this, combined with everything else, I wonder: What have I even accomplished?

Don't say it. Just... don't.

The truth is, I haven't accomplished anything. I have no finished stories, no well-meaning relationship with another, no scholarship to my name. My life created by my friends is criticized by my parents, my life created by my parents criticized by my friends. Any mistake I try to prevent brings on worse comings, and I simply can't stand it, because it hurts too much. I doubt the world, I doubt the future. At times, I even wonder if there even is a God.

My parents say to not worry about it, that I have done what so many haven't, that I am brave and not a coward. That is not true. No words of comfort can mask the fact that the world is what it is. I was so innocent back then. I never knew the world, and I wanted to learn about it. If only I hadn't...

This is not a leaving blog, much less a suicide blog. I can't commit suicide, as there is nothing waiting for me if I do. Earth is the only place that exists, so if I die, then I have nothing. But what can I do? Walk the world to find meaning? I don't have a driver's license, much less a passport. I'm worthless.

No matter what you say, I'm worthless, through and through. Anything you say is just words; they have no meaning. I doubt if anyone even sees this blog. Might as well. No one cares about me, because the only person that looks out for you through and through is yourself. Everything's a lie. Even your own parents can't help you.

So, what can I do? Nothing. Just keep going, because that's what everyone thinks you are: a robot designed to do things. For little pay. In a capitalist society. In a trashed-up world. I doubt we can even survive the next ten years. America is going to send its armies into its own countries to try to conform its own people. The people it's sworn to protect, and its armies aim to betray them, as if they're the next militaristic regime.

It's just too much. I've done nothing, and the Earth is going to get worse. I have no comfort in what is now and what is to come.

I don't want to make mistakes. They break my heart. (Talk | Blogs | Contributions) 07:08, July 28, 2013 (UTC)

P.S. I'm still writing, because I still can...