Interesting idea, to say the least. I love how each character starts with a different letter! Not to mention how they each have a fairly unique name... Can't wait to read :)15:45, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
It seems interesting. I love the alphabetic characters. xD The characters seems awesome. Can't wait to read it. :D Anne Maria: "Brick may not be attractive in any way, but he is still a person." 17:50, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
This is a brilliant concept, and I love your story and characters! :) Awesome!! Jay JLOMAny good or kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.-Author Unknown 20:29, June 16, 2012 (UTC)
Actual reviews (better late than never)
I've finally got round to this story, so here are my thoughts on Episodes A-D:
Skyler’s fate would seem to suggest that prejudice and strategybot game plans don’t mix well. Although Skyler’s prejudice was more blatant and he got his comeuppance sooner, his flaw reminded me of the canon Heather’s. Heather was the genre-savvy strategist in TDI, but her attitude toward the other campers ranged from dismissive to openly contemptuous, and that inability to view the other campers with any genuine respect significantly impaired the effectiveness of her strategizing. (Heather threw away a golden opportunity to send her enemy Gwen packing early on, choosing to inflict a petty humiliation instead, and eventually paid the price.) So it was with Skyler, as he could not or would not make full use of the talent around him.
Skyler’s blindsiding could also be seen as poetic justice, karma or whatever you want to call it. Unique using her wiles on the boys plainly showed that two can play the “battle of the sexes” game.
As for Chris’ rhetorical question in the Episode D recap, I would have to say that no, five-player alliances in the early going aren’t safe. They tend to have a “too much too soon” quality to them; so for the sake of drama, they cannot long endure. Either someone will see the threat and try to subvert it as Unique and York did, or it will simply fragment from internal stresses as its members jockey for position. Of course, that’s not to say that a large alliance can’t have some successes before its inevitable downfall…
I’ll admit that I got a chuckle out of everyone’s shock when Francesca casually removed her dress in front of everyone to reveal… nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps it’s because this incident parallels a couple of upcoming incidents in my own story.
Oh, and what on Earth was Owen doing in the confessional booth? Dakota, at least, had a logical reason for appearing; but as far as I can tell, Owen just came out of left field.
In the dance challenge, it’s not clear why Justus would be so upset at Payson (or anyone else) feeling Desirae’s (or anyone else’s) booty during a challenge when, after all, everyone was blindfolded. But then, it didn’t make any more sense in the canon incident that the Justus/Payton incident is based on.
I’m glad that Elvio was an early out. He’s one of two characters, along with Payson, whom I found grating. I also find Ross a bit annoying because he can be hard to understand, which is a pitfall of trying to imitate accents in print.
The early chapters do have one distracting technical problem—the heavy overuse of exclamation points. (Giving credit where it’s due, I read part of the most recent chapter and you seem to have toned it down, at least in the narrative.) Narrative rarely benefits from exclamation points unless you’re directly addressing the reader; and even then, the rule of thumb is to have no more than one per page unless the situation is dire. The early chapters have so many exclamation points in the narrative—including some for mundane things—that it feels like BRIAN BLESSED is narrating. The problem here is that if you try to emphasize everything, you end up emphasizing nothing. Even in the dialogue, which is where exclamation points generally belong, you have so many that the contestants come across as a highly excitable (or perhaps overcaffeinated) bunch. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 01:24, June 6, 2013 (UTC)
A couple of e-notes on Episode E: first, you could have gotten another “e” reference by describing the breakfast course as “eggs over easy” instead of simply “fried eggs”. Second, you could have a lot more e-mileage by referring to the team color “green” as “emerald” for this episode.
Poor Ireland (or Eriu, as the ancient Irish called the Emerald Isle). That excitable environmentalist is feeling evil because she executed an embryonic eaglet. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 03:05, June 10, 2013 (UTC)
I finally read A, instead of just skimming the story. This is remarkably detailed, and I LOVE it!! :D I'm reading it so I can vote for Ninevah, or not. Thank you for writing this! :D Jay JLOM The bandage was wound around the wound. xD 07:30, November 29, 2013 (UTC)