Talk: Total Drama Genesis

Warning: There are spoilers here, read at your own risk.

Polls

Warning: There are spoilers here. Read at your own risk.

Previous Polls

Based on first impressions, who is your favorite contestant so far?

• Aiden: 0

• Bethany: 0

• Cynthia: 0

• Diamonique: 0

• Easton: 0 

• Frannie: 0 

• Griswold: 1

• Hayden: 0

• Ignacio: 2

• Jasper: 0

• Kalino: 1

• Lita: 4

• Melissa: 1

• Ness: 0 

• Pascal: 0

• Riley: 1

• Seraphina: 0

• Tessa: 0

• Vance: 1

• Weston: 0

• Xidorn: 0

• Zipporah: 0

Who is your favorite team so far?

• Molting Eagles-1

• Fizzled Fireworks-3

Winner Guessing Contest

Warning: There be spoilers here.

Leave your signature by the contestant you think will win! You can change as long as your pick has not been eliminated! The winner of this contest will be able to have a character in the second story (on the likely chance there is one) or some other prize of value to be discussed. I won't cross off names yet to avoid spoilers for newcomers...

Second Chance: To celebrate the merge, there will be a second chance offering. If you were previously eliminated or are eliminated in the course of the merge, you can support a new contestant! Just add a .2 in bold by your second guess! 

Aiden- Space was here some time ago and he wrote stuff. 04:25, April 1, 2016 (UTC)

Bethany-

Cynthia-

Diamonique- The brains needed a body. ^{We found our zombies, now we're in.} 04:59, November 1, 2015 (UTC)

Easton- If you believe, you can achieve ♥ 03:57, July 20, 2016 (UTC)

Frannie-

Griswold-Oh, we don't own our Heavens now, we only own our Hell... 19:07, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

Hayden-

Ignacio- 2 ZacAttack ^Rawr 13:25, September 6, 2018 (UTC)

Jasper- I can see our stars. ☆ 14:04, December 16, 2015 (UTC)

Kalino- Apparently we can change, so I'm going to change to the deity known as Kalino And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day... 03:10, December 1, 2015 (UTC)

Lita-Trixielulamoon323 (talk) 18:16, March 30, 2016 (UTC)

Melissa- She's an ANGEL and should win. The sky's a little bit gray but in a beautiful way, and you're not too far away. 04:20, November 9, 2015 (UTC)

Ness- ¤ SOLARRION ¤ ^{(Talk Page)}

Pascal- 

Riley-

Seraphina- CK ^{Hrey! ^_^} 02:07, November 2, 2015 (UTC)

Tessa-

Vance- 2 Space was here some time ago and he wrote stuff. 18:06, June 22, 2018 (UTC)

Weston -  ZacAttack ^Rawr 23:52, October 24, 2015 (UTC) 

Xidorn- Manatee12 ^{"A man destined to hang can never drown. A man destined to drown can never burn. A man destined to fry can never ever ever die in any other way but frying."} 21:01, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

Zipporah-

Final 3 Guessing Contest

Warning: There be spoilers here.

List the three contestants you think will make the Final 3! You may change your guess as often as you want as long as someone hasn't guessed the same combo. Winner will be able to select a contestant for an All-Stars story or some other prize of value to be discussed. (Note: eliminated answers are kept for posterity. Simply write a new answer under the last guess to try a new guess).

Weston, Vance, Melissa ZacAttack ^Rawr 21:41, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

Zipporah, Easton, Kalino Trixielulamay323 (talk) 04:10, December 1, 2015 (UTC)

Lita, Aiden, Kalino Trixielulamay323 (talk) 04:10, December 1, 2015 (UTC)

Lita, Ness, and Xidorn. ¤ SOLARRION ¤ ^{(Talk Page)}

Lita, Xidorn, Kalino Trixielulamoon323 (talk) 23:57, December 6, 2016 (UTC)

Riley, Xidorn, and Melissa Dekneese (talk) 01:14, September 8, 2017 (UTC)

Vance, Jasper, Riley ZacAttack ^Rawr 13:26, September 6, 2018 (UTC)

Chat

I'm here to protest against this story #BringBackWhatTheHeck #BringBackUsedMiniVan. No, I'm jking. Yay for a new Rhonda fic, it seems promosing, and the idea seems interesting. Can't wait for this! <3 "Perhaps that is the secret. It is not what we do, so much as why we do it." 01:17, October 23, 2015 (UTC)

Fight me then :p Seriously though, thanks for commenting Bruno <3 I'm so glad your excited for it and like what you see so far. I've got tons of ideas and can't wait to see what you think of them all! You won't have to wait long as the chapter should be up this Saturday :D But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 04:25, October 23, 2015 (UTC)

I can't wait! <3 Just drop off characters descriptions to me sometime whenever you want pics for your cast! ^^ --Oh, we don't own our Heavens now, we only own our Hell... 05:36, October 23, 2015 (UTC)

I'm so glad to hear that Reddy :D I think (hope) you'll like the humor. And thank you so much! I was originally going to have the contestants descriptions mentioned more detailed in story...but I'm thinking about dropping it for more space, especially since I know you'll make amazing images <3 I'll give you a heads up when I know more, but thank you for checking <3 But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 04:15, October 24, 2015 (UTC)

I'm looking forward to this!!  :D I love your writing and your zany humor!!!  :D  And I adored Renee in RR.  :D <3 Very fun antagonists.  :)  Jay JLOM There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. xD 22:05, October 24, 2015 (UTC) 

Jay! <3 I'm so excited to here you're looking forward to this and thank you :3 I hope it compares well to my old stuff. And me too! Josee was a very fun anatagonist <3 What could possibly go wrong? 23:29, October 24, 2015 (UTC)

Im on mobile so i cant make a comment. I will when i wake up tho! Just wanted to let you know i read the chapter. And i cant wait for the rest! Ps i think you should quickly reread it. There are aeast 5 tines where you missed a word, or reversed the order of words :3ZacAttack ^Rawr 01:24, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

So I read all three parts of the first chapter, like I told you in chat a while ago, and I'm finally deciding to make a comment! First of all, I just have to say that I really love it so far <3 I like the cast a lot more than WTH's, while there were some hilarious characters there too, I'm not as huge of a fan of stories mixing canon characters and OCs and I'm glad Genesis is entirely OCs. I also love that the overall cast is less ridiculously OTT this time around, while ridiculously OTT characters are always fun (and I mean, almost my entire TDSS cast is made up of them, so I'm not sure if I even have any room to talk ;\) it's also really good to have balance. I described some of my favorites to you in chat already, but so far I love a majority of the characters. Cynthia is delivering even more now that she's talking (<3) and I have no idea where her plot is going to go at all, but I love it. As I told you earlier, she still kinda reminds me of Crimson & Ennui, but something tells me she's not quite as soft on the inside as them... Speaking of goths, I also love Zipporah, she's had some hilarious lines and great interactions. Other characters who have consistently delivered when they've spoken are Vance and Kalino, they both remind me of ToadCharacters (especially Kalino, who's barely done anything but I have this weird love for him), and Frannie is also really fun (I think picturing her character image whenever she speaks also helps her out a lot? Reddy's pics are amazing tbh). Though really, I like almost everyone in the cast - there are many others who I haven't even mentioned yet but they're still fun, and outside of a couple characters like Hayden who I just don't think are very interesting right now (though I'm sure he'll do more stuff later on, too) everyone is delivering. I wasn't the hugest fan of Bethany, but she was alright, and I'm glad she got some good backstory before she got out - she was a perfect first out because she had a nice, fairly fleshed-out little arc but I also didn't really feel passionate towards her and didn't care too much that she got out first. That's pretty much how all first outs should be like, I feel. I also love your way of writing the mini-challenges, they've been fun in their first showing and I always love when people can sneak tons of character interactions into challenges too <3 The setting is also great, I like that it's in an urban, American setting that I'm able to picture in my head fairly well, because it makes reading the challenges and the parts where they're running from spot to spot super vivid in my head, which is always a really nice thing. And Rhonda's banter with the cohosts is great too, I'm really glad they returned! Overall, I think I've said a lot about the chapters already, but they've been awesome so far and I'm eager to read the next one! ^^ And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day... 22:29, November 14, 2015 (UTC)

D: I'm super late to this comment! I've seen it and discussed it with you on chat, but I still should've replied because I apprecitate it so much that you read it and took the time to comment (and for all the feedback you've given me on chat :p). 

I'm so thrilled you like it <3 I agree, I think WTH did have a very OTT cast, well some were OTT and everyone else was INV. I'm trying to balance the cast and focus a lot more for this story, especially because of a word count limit and make it so characters have a varying 'edit', being UTR sometimes than OTT or CPP at other times and trying to write it in the frame of an actual reality show edit. I've gotten some mixed feedback on it but I'm glad to hear you think it works <3 

Cynthia's plot I'm so excited for, and will come in the next chapter (6) ;) I'll just say that there's a reason Cynthia's been a bit INV in 4 and 5... xD she does seem similar to the goths, and I know you're a fan (me too of course) so I enjoy it. Zipporah is very similar, so I'm glad she's working too!

Kalino and Vance are similar to ToadCharacters, which was very intentional with Kalino. Vance wasn't neccessarily planned to be as Toad-like, but I see it too. It might just be because they're some of the best comedic characters right now <3 I'm really glad this whole cast is holding up well. Frannie too (and Reddy's pictures slay <3)

Yeah, Hayden hasn't exactly stood out and I'm working on it but we'll see how it goes. Bethany was a bit of a blunder I admit, but at the least she was a learning experience. And I'm glad she came across as the perfect first out. Yay, the challenge worked out, I was a bit nervous for some reason. I'm trying to balance challenges with interactions and actions, so glad you liked it <3 And hooray that the setting works and the hosts to do, I was a bit afraid with the setting so that's reassuring. And I love writing for Rhonda, Jenny and Toby (OC hosts are so fun omg). 

Thanks again so much for commenting Toad <3 I'm super glad you've been keeping up and giving me such great feedback! What could possibly go wrong? 03:24, December 16, 2015 (UTC)

I've already showed you these, but, here are my bullet points / chronological thoughts for the first chapter! 

• Chris disappearing </3 I hope he makes some sort of debut in the series 
• the descriptions are really good, especially in the beginning (that added a lot of context and introduced the story in a non-stereotypical way that even I’m guilty of). 
• yaaaay <3 @co-hosts. I think jenny and toby are completely polar opposites. I also think it’d be great if the co-hosts are treated as the 23rd and 24th characters, with jenny maturing and toby learning how to lighten up. 
• although not the same as DC, I live in new york so the whole subway introduction thing gave me mild PTSD. :-( 
• Bethany <333 I really love her bio and her fear of not living up to people’s expectations. I thought she would be a generic over-achiever but she’s actually pretty complex in that she has insecurities and stuff about not performing well. 
• LOL Cynthia following Xidorn. <3 Although Cynthia definitely feels like a filler character she’ll be funny in the scenes she’s in. I like Xidorn too because his whole morally-correct route could lead to him being too preachy.
• literally wtf @ the inside of cynthia’s bag. no words.
• omg yay twins!!! Samey/Amy were kind of handled badly in real TD so I’m hoping Weston / Easton either have some great rivalry OR they’re just a cute, endearing dynamic duo that gets along. <3 Either option is fine. 
• Tessa didn’t really make an impact on me. Her bio makes me think she’s gonna be the main protagonist or something but otherwise she didn’t really do much for me. 
• is it bad that I relate to Diamonique the most even though she feels like fodder? I feel like I also lack common sense at times tbh so I’m rooting for her to prove everyone wrong. <3 
• I have an irrational hatred for athletes (Bethany is the exception) so Griswold isn’t one of my  favorite. I beg you to not make sports the only thing he talks about. 
• Patriots are an underutilized trope/character in fics, tbh. Unlike athletes, for example, Aiden can talk about his patriotism for his entire stay and I’d love every bit of it. Though I think it’d be funny if he got carried away with it and it became some kind of nationalism instead. 
• Seraphina’s marina reference on her shirt <3333 (I assume her name is a reference too). 
• … I know I said Tessa didn’t make an impact on me but y e s @her dragging Seraphina. She seems so holier-than-thou and that’s 100x more interesting than her being like the OTTP fan favorite or something. <3
• I feel like Ness and Seraphina could have some cool interactions together. Since Ness constantly jinxes himself, maybe Seraphina comes to his aid and uses her psychic magic or whatever to help him? Idk, but their characters both have really ~ spiritual ~ undertones to it. 
• Hayden’s stereotype of being the “big brother” to everyone seems like such an obvious thing to use but I’ve never seen it before in a fic. I feel like him being a paternal figure to everyone could get really annoying to the rest of the contestants, really fast. But I’m rooting for him since he seems like such a good guy with good intentions <3 
• Ziba is the best contestant tbh. But Frannie seems really funny, and I think she could have some good interactions with Seraphina maybe? They both seem really “out there” and sometimes psychics are at carnivals. It’d be funny if Frannie tried to recruit her or something
• I actually died at Seraphina’s “I didn’t know we had a poet”. I feel the same. Kalino actually was hilarious just because he seems so inept socially. I hope he proves that he’s not just a dumb surfer and makes it really far
• I think Vance has a hard time being wrong. Like when Rhonda told him to be careful and he immediately dismissed it because he’s an expert, even though he was leaning against wet paint. I’m hoping that someone takes him down a peg or he realizes that he’s being too arrogant. Lots of potential in him
• I loved Pascal’s corny lines like “if we all believe, we can achieve.” <3 He’s so pseudo-deep and it’s hilarious. Especially since it somehow inspired Rhonda
• Melissa seems like a dark horse winner to me, mostly because Rhonda said that she was a late addition. but I hope she’s not just constantly the nice person to everyone. It’d be great if someone gets on her nerves and she cracks
• Lol Tessa getting in a fight with EVERYONE. <3 Tessa vs. Aiden about America was a fun minor scene. Especially after Tessa’s introduction to the cast, I thought she would be adored by everyone. But it’s a pleasant surprise that everyone’s image of her, a “perfect celebrity”, is being shattered because she’s totally insane. <3 
• everyone getting Jasper’s name wrong <//33333333333 for some reason I love him and think he has a lot of potential. I hope he starts to ~ shine ~ and becomes a force to be reckoned with, even though people glossed over him
• Zipporah wanting to #take down the Hollywood standard of what a goth is. <3 She’s a much better activist than Xidorn.
• Awwww poor Ignacio. I think his goals of just wanting to be a normal guy really contrasts with Pascal who jumps from reality show to reality show. I hope they have some good interactions together, whether it’s a conflict or a friendship. 
• Riley didn’t leave much of an impression on me
• I love Lita!!! She seems like she could be a really great, feisty character without compromising her femininity or anything. I also think she could have a really great compelling plot about being underestimated because of her looks. I hope her and Ignacio team up somehow <3
• Lol Cynthia not being in the final group count <3
• I really like how we got to see into Rhonda’s thoughts. Usually people use confessionals for TD fics but that kind of third person view can lead to a deeper understanding of people’s thoughts that we wouldnt really see otherwise. 

Baby • take me • to the • feeling • I'll be your sinner in secret! 04:56, March 30, 2016 (UTC)

Time for my Chapter 2 Commentary!~

Okay, so like I said I wouldn't be commenting on the first chapter, so here's m yfirst comment. Wheeee. Okay, so starting with the bus ride, I thought this was a really neat idea to be able to point of some of the initial relationships between the contestants! I liked the discussion about show-jumping and all; it helps establish Pascal as a threat early on and I think that will be coming back to bite him sooner than later. My favorites from this scene were Griswold and Seraphina; Griswold's lucky jockstrap <3 And I just felt pretty connected to Seraphina, oddly enough! I also adore Melissa's affinity for Cynthia <333

Love love love the setting! I love the hotel, obviously, and we should totally do that thing I mentioned on chat of having the hotels from our stories being connected somehow <3 But anyway, onto the pairings. I'm very intrigued by Tessa; she's clearly pretty closed off and I don't know if I'm willing to believe she's evil to the bone just yet. Weston is adorable, I feel really bad for him since Easton seems to be the less dependent of the two. Pascal forming an alliance so early was kind of gross and makes me hope for his downfall even more, to be honest. I don't like overly strategic characters.

I have to say again, even though I already said it on chat, in this chapter I think Lita got a really heavy hero edit. She's the one who's most directly opposed to Tessa and she sticks up for the 'little man', so I wouldn't be surprised if we saw her going really far in the story. Also, Aiden and Melissa are my OTP for this story; they're so gawrsh darn c00t <3333 Dividing the teams through the cups was genius, and having Kalino catch on was more solid indirect characterization to let us know that he's not just a dumb surfer like he might be perceived by the rest of the cast. I'm interested to see if Kalino becomes more relevant.

Frannie and Diamonique are the hottest girls on the show? Call someone to clean up that tea.

The first challenge was okay, I wasn't too compelled by it though since there wasn't much going on and everyone arrived pretty quickly (though I can see why, since if you had given the challenge more depth the chapter would be ginormous). Seraphina putting her neck on the line? What a badass omg <3 I love her so much.

There's a few technical/grammar issues here and there, but overall it's very well-written! Keep up the great work, Rhonda; I'm loving it so far <3 --Oh, we don't own our Heavens now, we only own our Hell... 03:07, April 8, 2016 (UTC)

Yay! I'm super excited for your review Reddy <3 I know you've shared your thoughts with me on chapter so I don't mind :p 

I'm glad you liked the  bus ride and show jumpers; there was meant to be more than one show jumper with Pascal in an earlier draft but it didn't work out, though I still like the concept. Seraphina and Griswold's talk is one of my fav moments <3 This may not be the last mention of the lucky jockstrap either... glad Seraphina connected to you <3 And Cynthia and Melissa <3

So glad you loved the setting! I agree we should do that with EBB, I'm curious to see if works out with EBB's secrets but I'm all up for it! Interesting thoughts about Tessa, I'd say more but uh...spoilers. Yay Weston love <3 

xDDD yeah Pascal forming an alliance so early is intentionally kind of gross. Interesting comments about disliking overly strategic characters; Based on comments on the story and other places I'd say a lot of people on the wiki don't like strategic characters. Even when it comes to Survivor, we care for characters more than their strategy. You'll have to see about Pascal's downfall...

I agree with you on Lita's heroic edit this chapter; I overcompensated with her short appearance this last chapter with her now. I'd probably redo some of these beats in hindsight but oh well :p I do appreicate the criticism though. Aiden and Melissa are so darn cute <3 

Glad you liked the cup divivding! And you were spot on Kalino recognizing it, it's one of those little moments that was very intentional... Kalino's role in the story might be more clear soon...

xDDDDDD I mean hotness is in the eye of the beholder. 

And yeah that's exactly why the challenge is so short. It's mostly their for a few specfic plot points and jokes. And yay more Seraphina love <3 

Thank you Reddy! I'm so glad you're loving it so far and hope you contiune to do so! And thank you for commenting <3 What could possibly go wrong? 02:38, April 10, 2016 (UTC)

I just want to throw out here that I love the title "The Ghost Dangerous Game" – The Most Dangerous Game is one of my fav short stories ever and I probably make a pun with regards to it once per week or so. keep up the good work CK ^{Hrey! ^_^} 20:23, April 11, 2018 (UTC)

Thanks CK! I really enjoy The Most Dangerous Game too. I remember reading it back in eigth grade and thinking it was cool we had a teacher who would let us read it. I think it's probably one of my best pun titles, which is great because it ended up being one of my best chapters. Thanks CK, I will <3 Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 21:27, April 12, 2018 (UTC)

Zactastic Corner:

Sme authors hate when I make my own sections... But my comments tend to be rather different than most... So I like to have my own section for them. That being said, you can move it under the rest if you so choose. 

For this story, I really want to start with the one thing I think makes it unique compared to most stories, and something I tried to do in Frozen, but moved away from it as time moved on, because people seemed to care lesss. And that idea, or trope, or I don't know what to call it, I'm not an English major, is the focus on the host. In the majority of the stories on here, asides from Total Drama: Paradise Falls & Frozen, the host, while they may have a large sum of lines, due to the role of the character they see no progression, or character thought or process. I like to think of the host, as the extra competitor, the person who is not competiting, but has a lot of potentional for character growth because the odds are they will be in almost every chapter- and if you have a sequel they could be there too! They have a role that no other character in your story can take on. Using the previous examples, in Bruno's story, you have the whole Chris-Blainely-Crystal story arc going on through out the entire story, which (minor spoilers) leads to change in hosts for the second second.... And from the first two chapters is leading to a very interesting mother-daughter dynamic. In my own story Frozen, the actual host isn't the one seeing interactions with the contestants, that would be the interns who literally take the place of a contestant and interact with the cast, building a relationship and character that wouldn't work out if the interns weren't focused. All of that being said, I really enjoy that you seem to be using the same approach. Right now, despite not really having any specific character to root for, due to the nature of the first chapter itself, I am rooting for Rhonda. I want her show to succeed, and I really want to see THAT story line be an arc, rather than just a one-time thing. It's unique, and interesting and that's what makes a good story. 

Moving on to theme/location.  I'm not exactly sure if it was mentioned? I read on my mobile device so there is a very good chance I managed to quickly skim over it, but as far as I know the story takes place in Washington. Whether that be a camp ground, which seems to be the ideal location for the overall reboot of the series, or an abandoned location (I think I saw abandoned in the text somewhere!) I'm not sure. The BIG thing going on here is that you took a Canadian delicacy and tarnished it with the American branding - if you weren't my twin I would have stopped reading right there and then, but I will suffer through for you. On the location though, I am really curious to see exactly where it will all be taking place, you're doing a three-parter, so you have plenty of time to reveal the location so I'm in no hurry though. I'm really hoping to see a difference though, like Rhonda said this isn't the Canadian version, because the show is taking place in America is anything going to be different? Will the actual country itself have an effect on the actual story? 

There is one thing I really want to bring up and I'm almost have tempted to do up a writer's workshop on it, because I always leave the same type of comment on the introductions, and it's not a BAD thing persay, so don't threat. And if the following sounds like I did not like your approach, then my tone was off, you story was great!                             

There are TWO ways to do an introduction chapter, in my opinion anyways (three if you go all-out and pull an Ash.... but I don't reccomend that.) The first of which, is what you and many, many people do, and it leads to the usual first chapter is a good portion shorter than every other chapter in the story. What happens in these stories is the writer puts a massive focus on introducing each character, rather than interactions. Which is fine, it's the introduction chapter, that's the point! The other way, which is my preffered, (but I still really do enjoy the other aproach) is putting more of a focus on the interactions that a charater has to build up their character and to introduce them that way. The thing about your first chapter is that you're in between both, which is again fine. But because you didn't 100% commit to either choice there a number of characters who I don't remember who they are. Had you really focused on each of their introductions to show how they were all unique then that would have been solved, or had you ~filled~ the chapter out with a handful of interactions, I would have rememebered the characters based on how they interacted. Either way, it's fine. It IS the introduction chapter. But I think you should be weary of this going forward, I mean I've read your past stories so I know this isn't the case, but a good number of readers don't understand the difference between an introduction chapter, and everything else. And so they continue to write these blobs of characters who never really interact, so they never grow, and so I just don't care about who they are. 

I want to add this in here, since I tend to only comment on a single character page per story, due to the effort. I really like that you put effort into them. There are a number of potential story lines that were created just from the character pages, so  even though you didn't make a massive amount of potential story lines in the first chapter, it's made up for in the character pages, if that makes sense. 

I'm going to briefly go over the cast, since I do not like making rankings until the first elimination, for lazy purposes of course. And then offer a few story-line suggestions.  They are in order of preference, asides from WHO? characters, where it is via the alphabet. 

Weston- The Younger Twin  Zactastic Twin. I'm going to feel really bad for saying this, if I'm wrong, but is Weston slow? I am pretty sure he has something going on in that head of his. But he's so adorable and I love him to pieces. Just based on the character pages we know Easton is the actual person, and Weston is the follower, and I have a thing for followers. All he does is repeat Easton, and blatantly stare at attractive girls. Plus he's not on the math team, there's something up with Weston, but if you eliminate him before the merge I will have a bone to pick with you. 

Cynthia- This chick. In the character bio I thought oh hey, she prolly did something TERRIBLE and so everyone hates her, but it was by accident or something, and so I instantly fell in love with her, feeling bad. Then I read the chapter, and then proceded to have a dream where a crazy chick was throwing knives at me. Connection? I'm thinking yes. However, as you can see, she is my second favourite character in the entire story. She is also, in my opinion the most ~Rhonda~ character. I am incredibly intrigued by her, especially how she seemed to know it was going to rain before it actually started... Maybe she is unlucky?

Vance- I never thought that a character who reminded me of horses would ever become one of my favourites. I even wrote him off during the character pages as boring, and that I wouldn't care about him. But he is really really entertaining! His whistling? Perfect! And I am waiting for someone to call him on it! I really can't wait to see how he interacts with people!

Ignacio- A very good plot twist I think. I was ready to rank him in my top three, based on his stereotype, it's one of the typical traits of a Zactastic character, after all. But then you tricked me, and tricked your cast!  I actually REALLY enjoy him now. And I want to know exactly what is up with this guy. Why does he not want people to know he is a model? Did he only do it for quick cash? 

Melissa- She stole my heart. I really hope she bakes me snickerdoodles! She is such a sweetie, and I like to pretend that she's Canadian and just recently moved to the states, because she's too nice to be American. She makes me feel so happy as a character, and she's adorable. I feel like your hinting towards Aiden x Melissa so that could be super cute too!

Aiden- Errrr mah gawd. The true maple syrup in my veins is telling me to hate this kid. But I just can't. Aiden is oddly adorable, and I keep picturing him as ~slightly~ younger or atleast appears to be than the rest of the cast. I really hope you keep Aiden around for a little bit, because he is how I understand what is going on in the story in terms of American things, because I can't even name two states, so his information is much appreciated. Asides from that though, I can just see him grinding Rhonda's gears, and his potential story with Melissa really makes me like him. Even though he's of a trope that I generally dislike. 

Seraphina- Seraphina is all of us. She literally is tossing shade like she's Opera! "AND YOU GET SOME SHADE AND YOU AND YOU!" She's amazing, plus her actual reason for joining the show is pure gold. I hope we see more of her... and her physic powers. Slightly WHO? Though.

Ness- I pity her. She has some terrible luck, but she also show how terrible America is. A homeless person stole all of your stuff? Awwww sucks. I kinda hope a cute guy let's her wear some of his clothes, simply because that would be really cute. However asides from a really interesting intro, she was Who? 

Lita-  I'm really interested with where you go with her. As a character on her own, I don't think she is interesting at all. I feel like she isn't worth my time to care about. As a character in a story with Weston, and Cynthia, I feel like she has plot potential, and I really hope we see those story lines, and her as a character grow. 

Jasper- Another WHO? Character, but I know that was done on purpose and I remember his WHOness, so good job! I actually really like (thanks for explaining... I shouldn't read chapters lying in bed) how no one can remember who he is, not even the narrator. I think he will be fun and unique. 

Frannie- I think she had one of my favourite introductions, and that's how I remember her. She was unique and another ~Rhonda~ typical character. I really enjoyed what she brought to the table, and I want to see what happens with her character, considering she comes from an extremly unique... back ground. I kinda hope she loses the Lemur and forces some guillable people to help her find it? IDK, but I don't see her going very far, she's very gimmicky right now. 

Zipporah- She's really REALLY iffy for me. She was sitting borderline like and dislike from the character page. Goths can, on occasion be written wonderfully. But they can also end up bland and boring. From the first chapter she;s still borderline she didn't do anything reall. She reminds me of the goths from the Ridonculas Race in the fact I think she's going to be a major one-liner character until we love her and then she will get sent home. 

Pascal- His traits alone mean he should be one of my top characters. He has a massive ego, and he's peppy and happy go lucky. These are all traits that make someone Zactastic. Together however, they make me annouyed. Pascal is boring. 

Tessa- She's the medal chick, who I have no interest in. Either who or Bethany should be the first boot, prefeable followed by the other. 

Diamonique- Your story is doing strange things to my typical rankings. Anyone who follows my rankings know that nerd and or ewwwwwwwy chubby guys are always last, and the dumb hot characters are almost GURANTEED first or second. However I can not justify putting Diamonique that high. I will admit between her bio, and her introduction she is funny, and so I don't want to see her leave. But I do not want her to win, and I don't really care about her? As far as I can tell she can't hold a story line, unless she forgets about it two seconds later. 

Easton- The Older Twin  The twin i don't like. I blame my intense disliking for him on my bias against characters who are related. I actually 100% hate them. I find writers do not know how to properly write them as characters, and so one of the two will leave super early. And because I have an INTENSE amount of love for Weston, I want to be it very clear that Easton is the exenable one - not Weston, don't hurt my baby please. 

Riley- I'm 99% sure the only thing he said is Broseph, which made me happy on the inside. If that's not all he said, then that's the only thing I found interesting. 

Griswold- No idea who this person is. 

Hayden- I was really interested in this character from the character page, but I don't remember who he is. 

Kalino-  No clue who this person is. 

Xidorn- The person who i don't remember

Bethany- Burn this ho with fire. I read ALL of the character pages to help me know which characters I wanted to look forward to, and to see if any of them I would hate. Bethany was actually one of the characters I looked forward to the most! Her entire story line about her parents seemed really interesting, and I know she is hiding something. But lordy lord, she is so obnoxious and annouying in the actual story, that I just don't even care anymore. Like let me write out that story line in After the Drama and the problem is solved. Seriously though, she is just way too typical and boring. Which normaly is fine, because hey, characters GROW. But she was mention 33? times in this chapter, where a number of characters barely reached 6 mentions. This is an issue, and so it makes it seem like she will be an early boot, but if not you need to rethink your writing.

Some interactions I would LIKE to see. 

Aiden-Melissa --- Rhonda : If you do use the idea that I gave you I feel like this pairing, I feel like this pairing would be the best choice. The first two characters already have been hinted as being a couple, and I feel like it would be nice to have two happy, and GOOD characters get together, Then if you use the idea, I feel like it would REALLY push Rhonda to the limits of what's more important to her, ratings or someones happiness. 

Diamonique - Zipporah: I feel like both of these characters would really thrive by interacting together. Starting with a number of one-liners between the two, because that's where the two tropes thrive. And then later on, have them develope a friendship. I think it would be really cute, and nice growing moment for the pair. 

Weston - Vance: While I don't think that Weston will interact with many people until Easton is out of the picture, but IF he does. I would love to see a friendship with Vance. I feel like Vance is really caring, and I would like to see him take care of Weston, and then maybe Easton gets jealous? 

Seraphina - Ness: Serphina seeing into the future and trying to stop all of the bad things from happening to Ness would be really neat. But no matter how hard she tries, they still end up happening, and it drives Sera crazy, and Ness tries to tell her it's alright. 

Cynthia - Lita: Based on Lita's fear I think this is self-explanitory. 

I don't really want to give so many ideas, because I know that you have some of your own, but these are some that I think would be nice to see play out, or help give some of the lesser characters some plot power. 

As a whole, this story is great! Please keep going, because I really want to see what happens, and if I'm right about some of the things. At this MOMENT if I had to pick who I thought would win, I would go with Vance. No particular reasoning, but I don't think any of the WHO? Characters will win, the twins won't, a ditz can't so out of everyon I think he's the most likely. ZacAttack ^Rawr 13:22, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

Eeeeee! I'm so excited/thankful to see a first comment on Chapter 1 <3 I don't mind if you (or anyone) has their own little section, since it looks like it leads to long, personal comments. So this corner is offically yours ;)

I'm so glad you liked the focus on the host! I think part of the reason Rhonda has a focus is because this story was originally meant to be a sequel to WTH, so Rhonda was going through a change now that she had hosted before. Also in UMV, part of the story was similar with Rhonda and crew trying to win a contest by getting ratings. So I kind of merged the ideas. I also feel like because Rhonda is still a kid (legally an adult but not that old) she still has room to grow and develop as a person. I wasn't entirely sure where I was going with this storyline, but I think you've given me a few good ideas...

And you're right; the exact location hasn't been mentioned yet besides vaguely taking place in Washington. Where the contestants will stay will be revealed next chapter. I don't know if I mentioned an abanoned location, but you'll see... The choice of Washington was a bit of a complicated reason (scrapped original plans/story reasons) but the in-story reason of being the American season/cheap is what I'm going with now. But to answer your question, it will have an effect on the story....kind of. There will be some issues that will be tackled that are very American related which is partially why there is an American focus. (And yeah, I did tarnish it, but isn't taking something from another culture and branding it our own what America does best :p). 

And I see your point right away about the introduction. I wanted to go for an Island feel, where we meet everyone...they talked a bit and then we went on to the next. But yeah, a lot of people become WHO? which I hope will lessen in time...

I think the biggest issue I had writing this was simply length. Some scenes were cut simply for time (Griswold/Seraphina and Ignacio/Frannie/Diamonique had scenes I made later...) because I didn't want to alienate readers with length. So some characters who didn't show up til late (Lita, Riley, Pascal) get more screentime next chapter and the opposite for early characters (Bethany, Xidorn). I think your warning is a fine one, and I do need to be weary of just maing them joke spitting machinces. I wanted to try and do an 'ensemble' story this time, focused on more characters dramtically and comedically and there interactions. So I might need to fix this.

And I'm so glad you read the character pages! I was trying to foreshadow most of the characters plot through their bios; I know a lot of people don't put thought in those but I feel they're important to establish a character. So I'm glad those helped!

As for characters;

Weston- Yeah, Weston is a slow guy. I felt like Weston could've been a who guy/not stand out from his brother, so the fact that you do love him makes me giddy! Not sure what to say about him, other than I think you'll like what I have planned for him ;)

Cynthia- Hahaha. I thought it was funny you got that impression, and a nightmare. I think I'd agree with you that she is the most 'Rhonda' character. I felt because the story was WTH, most of those characters needed to be wacky, but these guys not so much. You'll just have to see what's up with her...

Vance- Vance just ended up being a barrel of laughs to me. I'm glad you enjoyed him! (though I question what you have against horses :p) His whistling might be my favorite joke.

Ignacio- I'm glad I surprised you with it! I wanted to try and do something different with the hot guy character, since it tends to play out very similar. We'll find out more about him soon...

Melissa- Melissa would love to bake you snickerdoodles <3 Hehe, I look forward to seeing what you think of some of the future stuff she does. And as for Aiden/Melissa, I wouldn't put it past me ;)

Aiden- Haha! I'm super excited to here he moved your syrup beating heart xD And I would agree with you in that he seems younger (he was slightly based off of Opie Taylor from the Andy Griffith Show). And most of the American stuff that happens in the story is in relation to Aiden, so if we have any confusing stuff he'll be there to explain it. Since we have a lot of users not from the states and I hate stereotypical 'xenophobic' American characters, I tried to make him not be against foreignors too, so maybe that's why you like him.

Seraphina- Seraphina was a bit of a WHO? but I think that's because she's anti-social. But I'm glad you enjoyed her shade; I've felt I had issues writing snarky characters, so I'm glad she came off well. As for her psychic powers, she'll certainly use them...

Ness- I'm sure Ness would enjoy a cute guy sharing clothes with her xD And I'm glad she has some sympathy.

Lita- Lita being the last to arrive really didn't give her a lot of focus. A bit shocked it sounds like you wouldn't care for her, but I can't say more than uh...we'll see more of her next time...

Jasper- Hooray for Jasper! The only character who works as a WHO? 

Frannie- Glad you liked Frannie's intro, I was worried it was too wordy. And she's certainly a very 'Rhonda' character. 

Zipporah- Her late intro, along with just kind of hating people, is why she didn't speak a lot. But I understand the iffyness. I agree that goths are complicated in stories (her label as the 'token' goth is a bit of play on how those characters appear so often). She is very similar to Ennui and Crimson, which worried me a little..

Pascal- Yeah, Pascal bored me here too. He has some more interesting parts of him I hope to show but here...eh. 

Tessa- Tessa isn't really likable, so I think that's a pretty accurate statement of her. 

Diamonique- XD I love that she messed up your typical rankings. She's very fun to write for, though I worried her intro wasn't funny, so glad it was. As for her story...well another you'll see. 

Easton- I do find it iffy when you have characters related, but it also makes for an easy plot...not that I would do that :p I do feel I get your hate for him (along with love for Weston).

Riley- Yeah that was Riley pretty much, again do to about to hit my word limit. Don't know if it was intentional or a typo, but you used 'he' instead of 'she' :p

Griswold- A bit surprised he's a who, since he did have some lines here or there but wasn't a big focus so I understand. 

Hayden- I feel awful for him because he really didn't get focus D: 

Kalino- Yeah.

Xidorn- Yeah.

Bethany- Wow, wasn't expecting this O-o I did feel she was generic and worried about that, but wasn't expecting her to be hated. Part of why she talked a lot was because she was early and an athlete, which gave her a lot to talk with people. But I could see how her focus could irk you (I cheated a bit, and cut some of her dialouge/gave it to other people after seeing this comment...know that's bad, but no one else has read so...). I couldn't establish her family issues too well I felt since this is a first meeting (though I will, and did add a line about it when I cut some of her other lines...). So was it that she had so many lines that made you dislike her? Or were they just not very good lines? She'll need some work...

Overall I appreciate the feeback on the various characters <3 And glad to hear who worked and who didn't! I feel like I can't say a lot about them till more happens (I really just want to blurt out what will happen). As for you interactions, I could see a lot of them/maybe already planned them...but again, can't say. I think some do need to happen at point though (and I may totally steal that Rhonda idea...)

I'm so happy you like the story! Interesting winner idea right now...can't comment on that. I will say that it's not unusual for Total Drama to have ditz or crazy winners ;) Thank you so much Zac, you're such a good twin to me <3 What could possibly go wrong? 18:50, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

(2) ... Ok I want to start with, WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU STOP THE CHAPTER THERE! YOU SHOULD HAVE POSTED THE NEW CHAPTER SO I WASNT LEFT AT A CLIFF HANGER YOU HATE ME DONT YOU!!!! I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE TWINS.

Anyways... moving on. Let's go to the setting? Is the Pentagram the actual settting for the ENTIRE? show. I just had a weird feeling that it would be only for a little while, and so I was confused when the girls were talking about rotating the beds and such... But if it IS the actual setting I am super excited! Mostly because it is just so strange.... And I feel like the ~Spooky~ setting will really lead to some SUPER scenes. For example; 

Weston: He could get super afraid of something in his room, and so he starts to scream. Easton comes to the rescue, racing out of his room, but without a key, he can't get in - and so Weston is on his own :( And needs to deal with whatever it is on his own! 

Lita: I mean you're staying in a horror-filled hotel. I think it's realistic-ish, for there to be a killer. (After all, Rhonda never captured the stampede she let out during the challenge) I think it would be nice to see the chainsaw maniac show back up, maybe he's taking a bubble in the tub in Lita's room, the chainsaw casually resting on the side. She walks in, and they stare at each other briefly. Since Ness is in the bedroom, the door could be jinxed and won't open when Lita tries to escape. Thus giving the chainsaw killer enough time to get out of the tub, and dressed. (Of course, Cynthia would save the day!) 

Zipphora?: This is her? sanctuary. There is SO much that she could do here, I am actually really excited, and doubt I need to give you any ideas for her, in relation to the setting.

Seeraphina: Same boat! Literally so many options! Talking to the ~dead~, whatever you feel like! 

And not just characters! I think it would be interesting to see the actual setting used more. It's SO unique, and fun. Plus the fact that it might be ~changing~ because of the renovations is really interesting, maybe the campers have a hard time sleeping due to construction at weird hours. 

For now, we're moving BACK to the bus ride. I really think you managed to really use this part of the story well. It showcased the characters who were mentioned enough to really help solidify who they were, for me anyways. Starting at this point, I have a burning hatred for Tessa, she is everything that is wrong in the world, but I would LOVE to have her on After The Drama, if I ever continue it again... 

The whole Melissa and Aiden thing was kinda cute? meh, I'm much more interested in Cynthia/Melissa than the possible couple? I don't why, but I just think they're much more interesting. Likewise, I'm interested in the bromance with Aiden and Hayden? So maybe keep the couple around and tell their story over time... 

MY FAVOURITE part of the bus ride though, which I kinda hate you for, but love you for because you flip it later on, is the Diamonique and Chuckles the Clown story! (I don't actually remember her name oopps) The whole fight scene between them over Iggy (I can't spell his name) was AMAZING! And I can just picture Iggy's face during the entire thing! I loved their interactions, and I am oddly STOKED to see how they work as not only roommates, but besties! 

An Honourable mention to the only thing Griswold did this chapter where he had that....amazing chat with Seraphina. 

Let's go to confessional usage? I love the actual format of it, it's nice and crisp so WOO! Plus the setting of it is great! I'm actually really stressed out, because I KNOW during someones confessional, that elevator is going to move, or it's going to break and fall to the ground, or SOMETHING is going to happen, so I secretly hope Weston never has a confessional. As for the actual confessionals, they're funny, and I love them! So keep them up. On a side note, I'm assuming Ness had a confessional near the end of the chapter, but it's not formatted as such, likewise in her following sentence she is missing the word "me". OMG AND JASPER. I love him so much, but It's so heartbreaking to have his confessional cut off like that, I can see it being a commercial break just as it starts.

Let's move on to the useless person, who I can't see being useless for much longer, but until then he's useless (maybe it has to do with his archetype?) I mean, he found what I am assuming is an immunity idol? And forawhile I was SO HAPPY I was like, well man, he's going to be the reason Pascal goes home. Because pascal made this alliance, where he was using Kalino as a scapegoat, but then he saves himself so Pascal goes home. But then that doesn't happen because of the whole team situation. 

OH LORD. So I literally JUST noticed, as in I clicked on Riley's page wondering who HE was because he is staying with Weston, and onmy little notepad I have they are sleeping together. So imagine my surprise when HE becomes a SHE. Either I have 100% been blind and have not noticed this or... I don't even know how I managed to muck that up. But that just makes them rooming together all the better! Like the pair could be really.... interesting, both take after their ~older~ sibling (I liked to think Weston is younger by a bit). But for that to happen Weston needs something to change, because I think he might be TOO stubborn or childish, or needy to do anything without Easton. 

Speaking of Easton... OMG VANCE IS SUCH A PLAYER I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. but I love it! That whole conversation was amazing, and I just picture Easton awkwardly waking up to a bunch of fan girls passed out in the room, cuddling Vance, with some wearing his flannely shirts, or his cow boy hat etc. But then it turns out that Vance isn't actually there because the fan girls were too crazy for him. 

I keep jumping around I'm so sorry! But I'm just crossing things off of my list of things to talk about! I want to quickly mention the whole Ness/Lita/Sera VS Tessa thing. OMG I loved when Ness said "Super Bed" She's adorable and I REALLY HOPE that she and Weston get to interact at some point, because I can just see those two being so awkward and amazing. 

IGGY AND LITA. Oh lord this made me like both characters a little bit more. I feel like it really showcased how sad Iggy is as a person, he just wants a real friend. And I really hope he finds one! Maybe Riley? I feel like Riley would be the perfect companion. She can't get jealous, and she won't try to grope him at every oppurtunity. Back to the point, Lita slayed that interaction! 

ERRRR MAH GOD. The challenge was amazing, and I loved the idea behind it. I know you really like to keep your chapters a fair legnth, but I would have liked to see a little bit more of the challenge! It was really fun, and I feel like you could have had 1 or two more interactions tucked in there. 

Speaking of, Diamonique is a queen, it's official. I think that scene would have been EVEN better if she stuck Rhonda with the bill for the taxi, saying she lost her wallet or something. And then just have Rhonda just face palm. (Also you said the Eagles won, but I have no clue who the Eagles are, the teams were mentioned like once in the entire chapter D: Maybe have a quick recap?) 

I'm going to do rankings here again :3 Just until the first elimination so they are in order of fav to least fav :3 

Weston- The Younger Twin-  Ok. So this is a Zactastic character, I love him. I want to pinch his cheeks and make him smile. Everything about him is amazing to me; he's kinda funny, I pity him, and he has a lot of mystery going for him! As whole he is definately my fav, but if he keeps up the whole not doing too much asides being adorable thing, there are a number of characters who could pass him. 

Aiden- The American Patriot- I love Aiden. He's just really interesting for me. I like his bromance, and I like his possible romance. i feel like he has a lot going for him, but I hope he doesn't go to the final fourish? Like I feel he would be a shocking merge elimination. And it fits the character in my opinion. SIDE NOTE: Was he always a hunk? Or did that happen after Lil'Red drew him? For some reason i thought he was dweeby looking. 

Ignacio- Mr. Fanservice- He's definately fanservice, but only because it's adorable to see him get flustered! Literally that's my fav thing about him, he's hot? So what. His interactions with the girls is top-notch, and I find it really funny, and different! (A nice play on the usual girl sexism) 

Jasper- Some Nobody- i don't know WHY he is so high. because He hasn't done anything. But he is my fourth favourite character in your story. There is just something about him that makes me love him, and I want to write a one-shot all about Jasper, to make up for how the producers of this show always forget about him! #Jasper4theWin

Vance- The Rodeo Champ- This is the ONLY sotry where I have 5 guys in my top five, usually it's dominated by females. So way to go Rhonda? As for Vance, he was amazing last chapter! And he's still super amazing, he wasn't shown as much this time, but when he was, he really took over the scene, in a good way! I'm curious to see where you go with him!

Ness- The Jinx- She's adorable! Her super-bed comment pushed her into my top 6. I'm not going to lie. Her tripping over what I can only assume was a LUCKY penny, amazing! And then the whole Bethany  saving her? I'm in love. 

Melissa- The Sweetheart- Melissa is such a happy character surrounded by such strange people. I am really excited to see why she wants to be around Cynthia so much. And if Cynthia ends up opening up to her... if not I am still rooting for her relationship with Aiden, but like I said before I hope it drags out a little more. 

Cynthia- The Sociopath- Easily a top character, but she's surrounded by other AMAZING characters. She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't need to. We all know she plans on slowly killing each of the campers until she's the last one standing... That or she's just really shy. 

Diamonique- The Ditz- I hated her last chapter. I kinda really enjoy her this time around. The choice to have her interact with iggy was a good one, and I'm really looking forward to see just what other ~strings~ she can pull. Plus how will living with Iggy affect her? 

Zipporah- The Token Goth- I really enjoy her? His (I don't know after the Riley situation, and I'm too lazy to click on the link.) lines, they only briefly appear, but when they shed a tear after hearing the story of the Pentagram hotel I knew I would love them! I do hope however they make more appearances, even if it's just in the background doing strange goth things. 

Easton- The Older Twin- I don't hate him as much as I did before. That being said, he's an awkward Taco! I really want to see him and Vance interact some more because it's such an off pairing! Also mty favourite thing he did was sigh when he was seperated from Weston. I took it as him FINALLY being able to relax, but that may have just been me. 

Hayden- The Big Brother- How much older is Hayden? Or is that just his ego kinda making him think that he's older than everyone else and that he needs to take charge and take care of them? Either way, I love egos and I lover brotherly characters, so I mean I do enjoy Hayden. I just want to see more about what he's about, and have some story put on him, instead of him being Aiden's friend. 

Seraphina- The Psychic- I thought that I would love her a lot more. But her whole Pyschic thing isn't used very much? But this is only the second chapter, so lots of things can still happen! I am looking forward to seeing her future though... hehehehe. 

Riley- The Bro- Who? But she's the highest of the whose because she's rooming with the Best Twin. 

Frannie- The Circus Act- Who? Asides from being a clown, and rooming with Diamonique. 

Griswold- The Lineman- An actual who? Like You did one funny one-liner convo. 

Kalino- The Slacker- Literally useless. 

Xidorn- The Straight Shooter- Who? I don't actually know who you are. 

Lita- The Knockout- Oh lordy lord. Being ranked beneath a WHO? Character is never a good thing. Lita should be an amazing character. She's funny, but she is being used SO MUCH. That I am sick of her. On top of that, I don't see how she's a knockout. No character mentioned her looking attractive this chapter, and instead we faced this angry hulk-like Character. 

Pascal- The Pop Star- He's the most annouying character you have and I hope he goes home soon. I thought I would like him, I really did, I mean, he HAS an ego, But I can't deal with him. I get a taste of pink vomit whenever he speaks. 

Bethany- The All Star- She would have been ranked who? if it weren't for all the hate I felt for her in the last chapter. She turned invisible this time around. I will say I LIKED when she saved Ness. And i think that is the first time I've ever liked Bethany. 

Tessa- The Big Shot- I don't need to talk about Tessa do I? She's just no. Just no. 

Quick note, I think you are doing much better at the screen time thing! I got a much better feel for who people were this time. I will say however you seem to keep rotating stories around the same characters; Pascal, Melissa, Aiden, Lita/Bethany and  Seraphina. I mean it's only Chapter 2, so i Have no clue what you're planning. I just think you should be on the watch for that a little more, because it's turning me off some of the ~bigger~ personalities like Lita and Bethany and Pascal, who in theory should be very highly-rated characters. 

As for my first-out prediction I have to say Easton. (Although it could easily be Tessa, Lita, Bethany or Pascal. all of which would make me very, very happy.) I say Easton because I predict that the final challenge will be Easton Vs Weston, and whoever wins, will win the challenge. Easton is beating Weston, but then he throws the challenge, realizing how peaceful his life can be if he doesn't have to be around Weston for the entire Summer. Since he lost the challenge, his team would eliminate him... I look forward to reading it though! The story is GREAT so far! ZacAttack ^Rawr 12:19, November 7, 2015 (UTC)

(I'm going to comment on this one first cause I read it first but didn't have time to comment D:) <3 Eee I was so excited to see this comment this morning, thanks Zac <3

I'm glad you liked the cliffhanger <3 Originally it was going to end right before Rhonda announced the rest of the challenge, but I needed more room next chapter so I added the start of the challenge to this one next. 

The contestants will be staying at the Pentagram for the duration of their stay of the show, though challenges might take place in Washington in general. I'm hoping the setting will lead to some fun (I enjoy haunted places <3)

Your ideas are all super great and I'm going to have to steal some of them :3 I'm glad the bus ride was enjoyable as well. This chapter I tried to focus on some of the characters who showed up less/make it more balanced...it sounds like with mixed results. 

Tessa is not meant to be a likable character, so yay that's working though I hope its not alienating you from reading. She is meant to represent an attitude I see in actual people. 

XD I can see why Cynthia and Melissa would be more interesting, those two seem to have very different personalities while Aiden and Melissa have somewhat similar personalities. And I'm glad the bromance between Aiden and Hayden was also well-recieved. 

And Ignacio's scene with Diamonique and Frannie maybe the best scene of the chapter I thought, so I'm glad you enjoyed it <3 (Also I can't spell Iggy's name at all, I have to grammar check it so you're not alone :p)

Sadly Gris just hasn't blossmed yet I guess, though I enjoyed this converstation between him and Seraphina. I'm not sure if you did, or if that amazing is sarcastic because of the '...' though. 

Glad the confessional worked <3 I was a bit worried the format wouldn't make sense but I'm glad it did (I think I may have got the idea from Return of the Rejects). They're all fun to write (and convient to get across at times). As for the use of an elevator well... ;)

I'll be straight up that any errors you notice with confessionals are because of formatting; I have to copy and paste my stories from Word then spend an hour or so in source mode deleting lines of text that mess it up because its different (not sure if that makes any sense). Crossed out names and confessionals are usually messed up with it :p But thank you for pointing out that Ness error <3

Jasper appreciates the love so much <3 Thank you! 

You were spot on about the idol bussiness. The alliance scene was for to establish characteristics about Pascal (and other reasons I won't expand on because...plot). Kalino's storyline is hard to explain but chapter four might expand on it. 

XD I had noticed you had been referring to Riley as a 'he'. I like them as roommates (never noticed but they do take after their older siblings) so we'll see how that happens.

And xD I thought it mentioned in Vance's bio that he flirts with a lot of girls. It was a very funny moment to write. 

OMG, Weston and Ness should interact <3 So glad that Ness is liked <3 I'm curious to see what your feelings are on the three of the girls together... 

Igancio and Lita's scene has been planned for years actually; I forgot about it till I stumbled through it on some old notes and decided to add it back in. And now I've developed a scene idea between Riley and Igancio :p 

I'm glad you enjoyed the challenge idea! There was a bit scene between Hayden and Kalino there but I feel it didn't add anything (you would've hated how pointless it was) so it was cut :3 I wish I did do more but yeah, chapter length...

And hooray for Diamonique being a queen! xD that would've been a hilarious additon. You have a fair point about the teams; maybe I should have listed their names again (I was worried about length but if its unclear...)

While I know it doesn't stay this way, I'm proud that I had five males make the top five <3 Aiden was always hunky (he has a baseball player build in my head, since that's the all american sport). What I love about Reddy's image (besides those tears <3) is that he seems shorter because I think he's one of the younger contestants.

#JoaquinJasper4TheWin

Omg, I didn't even think of that, but that would've been a lucky penny xD And Zipporah is a female :p Woah, Easton is higher? That might be my best plot twist yet :3 And Hayden is the only character offically graduated from high school, so he's a year or two older than most of the others but that's not a lot...

I enjoyed that Seraphina pun <3 I may not have been conveying this well but...Seraphina has some hang ups about her pyschic powers (why she's reluctant to admit her cards are tarot cards and turns away when Griswold mentions them). They'll be adressed (and used) in chapter 4 though <3

I'm sorry Lita is so down D: xD I hardly used her last chapter and now I've used her too much. I do hope you don't end up hating her like Bethany, since she does have a more well-developed personality which is why I didn't feel to bad about it (TD does it sometimes I feel like). She honestly just got more focus because I felt I needed to set up certain points before the story got to along. Maybe I could've postponed it though, and I'll try to balance her better in the future. 

The pink vomit comment is accurate <3 Similar to Lita, Pascal has to move some plot points but he will certainly have a downgraded role coming chapter 4. Yeah, since Bethany got so much focus last I felt as a trade off she got less this chapter. 

I'm glad the focus was better :D My goal for next chapter is to list the characters who didn't get spotlight and let them have it. And your first out prediction is interesting ;) So glad you enjoyed the chapter and thank you so much for reading <3 What could possibly go wrong? 05:19, November 8, 2015 (UTC)

(3)

BEFORE I get into the chapter. I thought it would be nice to go over something that I really, really enjoyed this chapter. And that was the fact that you had split the premiere into 3. I feel like it helped showcase the entire cast to some degree, which really helped with the ~first out~ problem. That bein said, I feel you could have worked on the first out a little bit more? Bethany Bailey? IDK her name anymore. She was really focused in the first chapter, which made it seem like she was going home, but then she became invisible in the second chapter, I don't know if I would have done that. And then in the THIRD chapter she became the obvious first boot due to the family scene, and the other team voting. 

As for what I think would have helped the elimination? First get rid of that scene where she is all mushy about her family. I understand you made a similiar scene for both Hayden and Cynthia, but none of those felt like HEY this character is about to go home, like Bailey's did. Maybe had you given Hayden a sob story, or given Pascal a scene where he actually tried to save Bethany it would have helped to atleast put the weight of elimination on the two, rather than just Bethany. But that's just an opinion. I honestly had no idea for what kind of story you could have told with her, asides a rival to Tessa, and some cutesy(?) scenes with Ness. So I am GLAD she is the first out, not only because she's my least fav! 

AS FOR THIS WHOLE BAILEY SITUATION. I honestly have no idea why, but you called Bethany Bailey 3 times in the chapter. Twice in a row, and then once right after you called her Bethany... This is what happens when you don't sleep like a good twin would! <3

I want to talk about the teams quickly. I don't know who is on which team, like at all. Due to the whole roommate thing, where people aren't sleeping with their teammates in all the cases, but in some they are. And then the whole challenge didn't really showcase each team, atleast for me. When I read the challenge, I saw it more of X VS Y, not Eagles VS Fireworks. But maybe that's just me? I hope that maybe in the next chapter we can get some solid team building sessions, like towards the end of this chapter to kinda showcase the teams more. 

As a whole, I really enjoyed the challenge though! I think I would have preferred it maybe in a chapter or two, where I could have had more of an idea who was on each team, but no biggie. What I really liked was the tie-in to the second chapter, and having them have a chance of knowing what was the next task. I think almost all of the tasks were really enjoyable as a whole! And the slip and slide maze, made me laugh... plus that throwback to the cab thing in the previous chapter! But seriously why do these people carry money with them? Also I NEED a one-shot on what was happening inside that taxi! 

But moving back to the first part of the chapter.... Seraphina doesn't like people? I honestly had no idea, until she said so. I feel like I have no idea who Seraphina is supposed to be at this point. Is SHE a pyschic? Like at all? Because if so I don't think it's really being mentioned, instead she's just an anti-social person- which is fine! Again, I feel like her task, the speech one was really awkward. Both teams spoke like they had been a team for ages, and when they spoke you set the teams up, as good vs lost, but I couldn't connect the ideas to the teams, until the challenges actually started to happen. 

NO I WAS WRONG! Well, I never really thought that Easton would be the first out, but I would have LOVED him to have been, it could have opened up a lot more room for Weston ;3 Oh well. Speaking of, I thought that it was EXTRA confusing that you chose to have Vance be the one to "pick" on Weston after he cheered for his brother. ONLY because Easton is Vance's roommate and I just got confused, because I don't know the teams very well and assumed Vance was on the other team. But that's likely just me being dumb. 

Let's talk about Vance quickly. Because before I continue to put him near the top of my rankings, I need to know. IS HE A JERK? Like I don't know if he's supposed to be really mean, or not because he's been super nice sometimes but mean other times, and I'm just lost on my feelings. Also theory time, Vance isn't a cowboy at all, and only pretends he is for the chicks... Which kinda makes me like him, a lot (all that ego <3). Also his sexist comments made me so happy------ when he got beat by a girl. 

Diamonique... Oh lord. I love her sassy attitude, do I love that she's a genious? Not really. I think that the idea is starting to get used a little bit more often. That being said, I'm sure you have a twist planned for it. But I do enjoy the fact that she refuses to put in the effort to be smart! 

The Easton and Ness situation was adorable. I love how he just failed at life, since he is the lesser twin, it makes sense. But NESS slayed the scene. When she revealed she knew that it was going to happen I was laughing out loud. She is amazing! 

The person who MADE this chapter for me, was Ziphora. Shocker? I'm not sure. I love her one-liners EVERYWHERE. Like I can picture her goth-walking up by people, like Ness and Easton saying her line and leaving. Her lines about Cynthia were AMAZING. Everythign she did this chapter was A+. THIS is a good Ziphora.

Oh Iggy... Since I can't spell your name. I LOVED his scene. And by scene I do mean, scene, he was never seen again after it. I loved how he always ends up forced into being shirtless, and it's a really good running gag. In regareds to the reactions, they killed me. Rhonda making puddles <3 Hayden and EASTON? Might be gay, if so I may need to rethink my stance on the lesser twin. Because I think that that would be adorable. 

You know what my FAVOURITE "Cute" scene was this chapter? And I mean you won't guess so I'll just tell you. When Cynthia murdered the snakes, and was covered in blood, I loved her little nod to Melissa when she said that she was going to clean her up when they get back to the hotel. Cynthia is adorable- and I never thought that I would say that. I have confessional written beside this? So I'm assuming you missed a formatting on a confessional. 

The Ness challenge with Frannie made me immensely happy. I can just imagine everyone watching that and being like WHAT just happened, over and over again. I love how it was 13 times too. Everything about Ness was adorable <3 Frannie just saying "Do you want a do over" was amazing <3 

"Brotato Chip" 

CYNTHIA and Melissa have one of my favourite connections, even if it's just wtf all the time. I like how she talks to Melissa now, it's super cute! 

As a whole, the fireworks make me so happy! I just love their team dynamics, which is odd because they have more of my lesser-liked characters, but power to them! 

IF Melissa went home. I would have murdered Tessa. NO ONE pulls on the SAINTS HAIR and gets away with it! I am HOPING that Cynthia pays Tessa a visit shortly, as a form of payback for Melissa. 

I THINK that's everything that happened? I'm not really sure any more. I do have character rankings, but they will be in their own seperate blog, with all the others. So my comments will be shorter from here on out. I do think that I'll continue to drop some interaction ideas though :3 Because it's really fun to make them! 

Westhia - I just think it would be amazing to see Cynthia have to look after Weston for any given amount of time. I got this idea after her fainted on her. I don't know how it would work, or WHY it would happen, but I just think that the scene would be gold! 

Vimonique - I feel like Vance is leaning to the jerk charadter spectrum. If that's the case, him being a playa playa, he would want to try and date a girl. After reviewing the girls on his team, the only option is Diamonique. Not that I think she would fall for his charms, but I feel like the pair could be interesting. 

Iggyton/Hayton- I feel like Easton is gay. I've decided. So i feel like either him slowly flirting with Iggy, but so subtly that Iggy doesn't realize, he's just happy that someone isn't usign him for his looks for once, and then they have some random scene where the lesser twin makes a move.... Or likewise, Hayden and Easton where they have a bromance... that goes one step further, and they both have a panic attack when it happens, and stop talking. Only to reconsole later on. 

Grisley - I WANT Riley and Griswold to do more. They both seem like they could be very interesting characters, but don't do anything. I LIKED whent hey had the party in chapter 2. So I want to see more of that, maybe Riley throws a party in her room, or they're hitting the gym, or something. I just think these two have more chemistry together than with the other members of the team. 

WELL That's all for now <3 Can't wait for Chapter 4!! ZacAttack ^Rawr 21:58, November 7, 2015 (UTC)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMMENTING ON BOTH CHAPTERS TODAY ZAC <3 AND RANKINGS! YOU ARE TOO GOOD A TWIN TO ME!

I'm so glad you liked the the split into three premire <3 Apparently it confused a lot of people, but I enjoyed it for the reasons you said

I agree Bethany could've been developed a lot better. Part of it was because she was always concieved as an early out from the start. I think we have different opinions of early outs/first outs xD To me most first outs are an obviously annoying or disliked character who doesn't get a lot of screentime (Zeke, Beardo, B/G in TDA and Staci, though those last two did have fair screentime in hindsight) or in fics Lizza, Ed/Lacey/Mariana, York, Lancelot and even my own Collin :p

In that sense, I tried to conceive Bethany as an opposite; she was well-liked and friendly. I felt in TDWTH my early outs were so obvious so I wanted to try a different approach...and instead made it obvious :p Oops. At least it was a learning experience. 

To make a long story short (too late), I think my own want for a not obvious early out/first out probably prevented her from getting a true story feel which hurt her. I also felt she didn't come across as a the sort of friendly, well-adjusted girl I who has a competitive nature due to her family heritage. Overall, I don't hate Bailey but I do wish I handled/wrote her better. 

Also while on the subject, you've noticed that Bailey/Bethany thing; the reason is that I wrote these three chapters in advance (though with some editing, especially thanks to your fab comments <3), even before I returned to the wiki. Bethany's name was Bailey...till I found out it was taken. I wanted a normal sounding B-name, so Bethany it was :3 Except I actually don't like that name for her :/ So those Baileys were instances I forgot to change her name to Bethany. 

As for Bethany, yeah that mushy scene was probably unneeded. I thought making it look like she had plot might've changed people's minds...but I guess it made it more obvious (maybe I'll change some things...) As for storylines, I have some in mind I could've have but they'd be spoilery :3

The Team situation is a problem and hopefully will be better addressed next challenge (I actually have Rhonda making it a point in the chapter). I'm glad you liked the challenge though! I did here since the teams would have even numbers and it would showcase everyone (though some challenges had scenes cut) but it probably could've used a push back. Super glad the tie-in about Rhonda's speech worked <3 And maybe I will deliver a one-shot ;) [maybe as a secret scene?]

Seraphina's original label was the Cynical Psychic, but I cut the Cynical part because it felt unneeded. I give her that 'cyncial, people suck' personality but idk maybe I did a bad job at it (its why she's bitchy at first). Hopefully that'll show more next time. 

The speechs were awkward. I see it as more them talking up their teams to get votes and dealing with personalities; Xidorn just feels his team is awesome so he's going to speak up about it while Seraphina is just trying to sell her team as interesting for the ratings (she honestly hasn't seen stategy or flirting or many fights on her team). But I might add some lines to make that clearer...

And...yeah Vance is a jerk xD I thought most of his lines were condescending or cocky but idk. And you're on a bit about faking being a cowboy ;) His bio makes it a bit clearer on both these points but I'll elaborate on the last one.

For me, 'country people' can be divided into different terms. You have the 'country people' who work on farms or live in rural towns/villages, cowboys who may work on farms but usually ranches and live in the midwest and then 'rednecks', trailer park people in the south. Vance is a redneck trying to be a cowboy/country person. 

Hmm, Diamonique's intelligence will be explored more and where she falls... Her label wasn't meant to be the Ditz intially but nothing fit so it was settled on (any other ideas that fit her are welcome). And hooray for Ness and Easton doing amazing. I'm just glad Ness is loved <3

Wow, I wasn't expecting the Zipporah love xD (Toad loves her but he loves the Goths in RR) Her in the art scene maybe my favorite thing ever. So I'm so glad she made it (and her confessional about Cynthia was actually inspired from wanting to cut lines based a comment you said ;D)

Iggy is very shy so he didn't get a lot of scenes (though if things work out, he'll have two scenes next chapter...). Iggy did have a scene where his swimsuit got undone...but it had some issues and was cut D': I'm glad you enjoyed the reactions! Hayden is canonally gay (his bio mentions his bf). Easton's reaction was just that Iggy is so hot even guys want him... though maybe he is gay. We'll have to see :p

Cynthia and Melissa are super cute together <3 Ness' challenge was very funny; it had some other gags that were cut for time as well D: But I enjoyed it and the thirteen times were intentional.

What flavor of Brotato Chip are you? Bro-B-Q or Sour Cream and Bronion?

xD not surprised the fireworks dynamics are more enjoyed; they're the more dsyfunctional team.

I appreicate the character rankings you did Zac <3 I will have to give them my own seperate comment soon but I'm so thankful to have character rankings (and I've secretly always wanted Zactastic Character Rankings). 

As for your interactions, they are fun and I want to do them all...though I don't always have time. Though I can confirm some of them are planned for in the future ;) I'm so grateful you like the story and want more! Thanks again twin ;3 What could possibly go wrong? 06:44, November 8, 2015 (UTC)

(4)

FIRST I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG. I had mid terms and a bunch of things to attend to! BUT IM READING NOW. IM A BAD TWIN IM SORRY 

Now onto the chapter... I am not a person who swears, but on my little note pad I have "Holy Fuck" written atleast 7 times. This was a GREAT chapter, with lots of twisting points! It was queit the wild ride! But let's start at the begining. 

Melissa is perhaps one of the more adorable characters in this story. I was giggling as I pictured her skipping through a dungeon, and a "meat locker" reading a baking cook book. The entire scene helped build up more of the mystery of the hotel, but also build Melissa up as such a sweet and happy character, which really helps on the holy Fuck moments later on in the chapter... I also really like how Cynthia (and Aiden >_>) both came to Melissa's aid to give the baked goods to the rest of the city. And Griswold swimming in the baked goods was <3 

Xidorn! Oh lord if he dyes his hair every single time one of his friends goes home I'd be so stoked! I can just see him having rainbow-coloured hair at some point, showing his bagage. I think that it would be a really cute tribute, and it helps me root for him. This is the first chapter where I can see who Xidorn is, and I am liking him a lot so far! I hope that as a character he doesn't change too much. He had a few scenes with Sera, to be honest I'm not a big fan of the pair together, they just don't seem to work well with each other. 

PUPCAKES. I want some right now! Do you think that Melissa delivers? I felt so bad for Ness when she had the allergic reaction she's just such a mess, but she's so adorable so I can't really blame her! The fact that a horse ran her over in the ambulance is A+ material. I like to think it was Vance's horse! 

Hayden is very quickly shooting up my rankings! He is just so BAE worthy. Like I need a Hayden in my life. Someone to take care of me, and carry me places because I'm too lazy to walk there myself. Someone to look after me <3 Hayden is MINE NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH HIM. 

The chase scene was <33333333. I think it really showcased the friendship between Frannie and Diamoniqiqieieu the best, out of all of their scenes. Which is weird since there was a "heart warming" scene later on, but I don't really think that scene was nearly as amazing as this one was. I love how they are calling him Iggy now! That's his only name to me, and I'm glad I'm not alone! We can start an Iggy fan club :D me and Frannie <3. Diamonique being a Blood Hound was <333 and her tracking Iggy's boar scent was great. 

ANOTHER character who has randomly become one of my faves? RILEY. Her shirtless scene with the gentleman, Iggy was AMAZING. Despite it seeming so awkward at first, it easily become one of my fac scenes in this chapter! I really feel like this is the first chapter where we are getting to know Riley (and Xidorn, and Griswold) and it just makes me so happy because they are ALL amazing characters who were overshadowed by... some annouying characters in the past chapters. (Lita, Seta and Tessa >_>) 

I LOVE the drama-plot line for ratings! That's such a clever way to create some drama on the scene with very little, as well as build up the relationship between Jenny/Toby and Rhonda. Toby literally being useless unless he's being a cleevr jerk. And Jenny being savage as frick is amazing. but RHONDA taking their advice, despite her own morals? I'm surprised Seraphina didn't see this coming. I love the build up to the moment in the secret room, witht he ratings and the EYES... but the exceution was one of the biggest HOLY FUCK moments in this chapter... in fact I doubted that it would get topped... but it does.... Aiden being a complete arse to HAYDEN and MELISSA the two people who he has been so cutesy with? Not cool bro. You can leave now. AND OMG the Xidorn reveal was another moment I was just shocked. Plus Rhonda not knowing? And the co-hosts being useless as always? PERFECT. This is just so <333 i can't wait to see how Melissa and Hayden end up getting treated int he future chapters. 

"Except there's no pigs living inside of you" Oh Weston you're by far the cutest thing on this show (sorry Rhonda). I loved the entire Broritto scene it was just <333 on so many different levels. It showcased some of the elss known characters, but was one of my fav scenes in this chapter! I think it also had a lot of forshadowing. Riley being insecure, and Griswold having to make a choice? A choice between Lita (The Varsity jacket scene was amazing) and Riley would be so heart breaking because I feel like Lita has it in the bag, even tho she's a ho and Riley is the true Queen of this story. 

I think the way you used the challenge was GREAT. it really worked to build up each of the teams and their own interactions. I think it was much needed - plus it led to some cute interactions (Ness and Seraphina slapping each other?) You pulling a Rhonda was nice <3 and It was fun to see again. 

Zipphora choosing to talk to the painting over her team was great! I was worried that Tessa was going to try and become friends with her or make her an ally or something and I was very stressed. Tessa is like bad luck, if she interacts with you, you drop in my rankings. 

NESS's LUCK might be changing? She won the challenge for her team because she's amazing! I hope this is a trend for my little bad omen! She could really use the help anyways! Ont eh challenge, I THINk the better way to have ended it would have been to have Rhonda to make the reveal about Hayden/Melissa with Aiden there,a nd then Melissa runs out of the room in tears, then Aiden chases after her and so they lose the challenge as they were the last two standing- just for the extra drama. But the way you ended it was fine as well <3 

Diamonique being eliminated. EVEN if I wasn't spoiled on who was leaving I feel like she was an obvious boot. You pulled a similiar style of elimination when it came to Bethany. In her last scene before the elimination have her make a big "reveal" and then she ends up going home. I'm not a big fan of this story line for Diamonique, much like I wasn't a fan of Bethany's. They were mentioned once and then they went home. i think having Diamonique just be eliminated without the extra sob story, but have her and Frannie have a final scene would have been more powerful - and make more sense, in my perspective anyways. 

BUT THE BIGGEST HOLY FUCK MOMENT WAS THE FINAL CONFESSIONAL. Kalino out-braining the brain that is Diamonique? Ohhhh Frannie if only you knew you're the reason why she went home ;( I am very excited to see just where this master mind Kalino ends up going! 

I would post more interaction suggestions, but  I'll do that when I read the next chapter, which is likely to happen tomorrow, sorry! I'll update the rankings now <33 

ZacAttack ^Rawr 16:59, December 15, 2015 (UTC)

Yay another Zactastic comment <3 Thanks for being such a good twin to me! It's fine, I understand (I've been meaning to comment more on things these past couple of weeks but my teachers are trying to teach during Xmas time :p That's just crazy! Hopefully I'll have more time with Xmas break...) Sorry if this is very rambly, I haven't had a lot of sleep and this all sounds crazy to me :p 

YAY! This chapter had a lot of plot twists and stuff in it <3 It was a lot of crazy twists so I'm glad that made it enjoyable (I was worried it'd be bad). I'm glad the twists were able to deliever their share of surprises since you did get spoiled on who went home. 

Writing Melissa always makes me smile. That scene of the meat locker was just fun to come up with. Cynthia was going to be even more INV than she was this chapter (its a temporary thing :p) but I wanted a little more Melissa/Cynthia friendship feels. And I think it was Vance who swam in the cupcakes, but maybe I wrote the name wrong? 

Xidorn <3 I'm glad you've noticed Xidorn now :p And Xidorn may have very colorful hair...if he lasts that long ;) I do have more plans for him too...but I can't spoil those... You'll have to see if he and Sera have more scenes together or not (it is worth noting that this isn't there first scene together and they interest in movies was hinted in their bios...and they aren't the only ones ;p)

Melissa would be happy to deliver to a friend of mine ;) Or a person I vaguely know. Or a total stranger. In fact, she just feels awful she didn't offer sooner. She has twelve dozen on the way, it just might take some time. She's riding her enviromentally friendly, electric scooter made of recycled parts. 

Ness is a hot mess (omg, I didn't even realized they ryhmed that's amazing and will be referenced in story :O). And the horse was Vance's xD It's still out there on a path of destruction, so hide yo kids. 

XDDD I was not expecting at all for you to like Hayden (I was a bit worried he was still INV). I need someone like that too Zac D: And oh gosh, you can have him xDDD Just explain that to his boyfriend. 

I actually didn't think much of the chase scene, so I'm thrilled you loved it. I did not plan on Frannie and Diamonique to be friends at all originally, but I needed someone to drool over the hot guy and they were the best options...now there so connected to each other's stories XDD There use of Iggy was a reference to your use of it :p And I'd join that fan club ;3

Riley took sometime to get some focus, but I've adored writing her all the way (her bro slang is the best joke in existance and I take so much pleasure in it :p) I'm SO glad you like her now <3 It was one of the first scenes I wrote for the chapter and was meant to give both of them more spotlight. And yay Griswold getting some love to! I'm a bit bummed that Lita and Seraphina are still annoying though I understand why, is it just because of their focus or are their personalities just rubbing you a wrong way (not worried about Tessa because she is not likable xD). 

The drama plot-line was all based on your suggestions tbh, so thank you! It's proven to be very useful in the other plots. The Rhonda, Jenny and Toby dynamic is something I really love writing and I'm so glad that you're enjoying it! 

I felt Aiden's actions would be very controverstial, and I'm interested to see how you'll react to what comes from it next chapter...  I had always planned for Xidorn to be pan, I've stated that in chat and hinted at in previous chapters (he's always open about wanting some Iggy ;3)

As for the revelation for him being trans, I just love the scene of it between Jenny and Toby xD But more importantly since this is my first story in canon I wanted it to be diverse so that is set a precedent for future stories in that people of different or mixed races, different religions or relgious characters and LGBTQ characters are commonplace. I think that is why there is some focus on those last two in the story, to address it and have it accepted and we move on. It might also be do to the story taking place in America and focusing on current issues in America... I didn't intend for this story to be politic, oops :p Let's focus on Weston!

I added that line just because Weston needed more lines xD I was planning on having moments that moved Easton and Weston's stories forward this chapter but word count, so its next chapter :p And now, Weston is adorable not denying it :p 

The Broritto scene was a favoritie too, just a way to focus on more characters who needed it. xD Riley's line about puberty was more a joke than meant at hints...but it could be true :p Griswold's choice I thought was foreshadowed in the tarrot card scene (DID YOU SCENE SERAPHINA DID ACTUAL PSYCHIC SHIT?) but between Riley and Lita...interesting idea :p (I'm glad you enjoyed the variesty jacket scene!). And wow, that is some serious shade xD

I'm glad the challenge worked, I thought it was a little stale (I meant for in the Rhonda/Toby/Jenny scene for Jenny to say "Oh yeah, we'll get the ratings with these scenes of people sitting and sleeping!") but I needed to develop more plots and have more interactions so it worked really well. And pulling a Rhonda? xD what does that mean?

Zipporah's comment was one of my favorites <3 You did hit a nail on the head there, Zipporah is someone Tessa would talk to and you'll have to see how that plays out ;) Ness is a champion? But is her luck turning around? We'll have to see :p (SO GLAD YOU'RE STILL LOVING HER <3)

Your idea is a pretty good one I wish I considered...though a few issues with it. Part of the reason there even is a rule about leaving the area was to give a reason for Cynthia to lose without closing her eyes (I can't honestly imagine her closing them o-o) and it would feel weird if she ran after Melissa as Aiden did. And I feel like Rhonda was expecting a reaction, so doing that at the end would be her kind of 'cheating' to give the Fireworks a win and I don't know if she's crossed that boundary yet... 

The reason Kalino was last (aside from a bit of humor the slacker stays awake the longest) was a bit of foreshadowing and implications of its own...

You bring up a really good point about Diamonique, and that is how similar her elimnation was to Bethany's, I wish I realized that because things would've been different. Part of the reason Diamonique's intelligence/brain damage part was included was to show there were some hidden depths than what just seemed like a rich airhead. Yeah, I think it could've been handled better but I will say I have plans for Diamonique...she won't be returning but this isn't the last we hear of her...But I think you're right on perspective. 

XDDDDDDDDDD I was looking forward to your reaction on this. Yes, Kalino out-brained everyone! Where Kalino goes will be...very interesting...

I look forward to your comments on the next chapter. I am a bit worried to see your feelings, as I hadn't had a lot of feedback when I wrote it... (the rankings were wonderful <3)

Thanks SO MUCH for commenting Zac, sorry for the crazy reply :p, I really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy more in the future <3 What could possibly go wrong? 03:24, December 16, 2015 (UTC)

OK IM NOT LATE I PROMISE... You uh, just uhhhh were SUPER EARLY (5)

Ok! So it's been awhile since I've made comments so I don't know how long this will be, but I'll do my best! Let's start with the elimination? Because I mean Jasper was one of my FAVES. Like actually I loved the guy, and I am SO sad that he went home. I'm REALLY curious as to what he wanted to say, maybe it was a big secret! Or maybe it was just nonsense but still it's sad that we didnt get to hear the ONE thing Jasper wanted to say, y'know? But oh well, I do LIKE the fact that Rhonda cut him off, it's very fitting but it's just kinda sad at the same time. I like that Lita didn't vote him off, so they're going up in my rankings obviously. 

Speaking of Rhonda... I am SO excited for her mini arc? The thing about the ratings is GOLD I love it! It's been causing so much drama and excitement! I love how wishy-washy Jenny is about it too! One day she's all for ruining the lives of the contestants the next she's against it! Her having the mini tantrum with Rhonda after she decided to be EVIL with Weston was amazing, and at the moment I hate you btw. 

Speaking of my poor Weston! omg the twin rivalry was my fav thing this chapter! That volleyball scene, obviously wasn't fixed, but it was so SPOT on amazing. Like I could feel the intestity. On that, I was actually in tears both because of the comedy but also because i felt SO bad for Weston when he saw the television! Like WHO DOES THAT EXCEPT FOR AN EVIL TWIN >_> RHONDA! I just hope he can get rid of the lesser half soon! 

Do you want to know who else was EVIL? PASCAL! While not entirely, but him quoting team Rocket just SHOWS how EVIL he is! He needs to go before he corrupts my babies! He is a bad influence that must be stopped! He is EVIL! SAVE YOURSELF NESS stop interacting with the evil thing! 

This love triangle is making me all kinds of sad! Grizzlybear NEEDS to choose Riley! I mean, she's amazing and stuff! "NO HANDS" I mean you can't get better than that! I mean YES, Lita was a pity vte for Jasper, but she's still... well she's just not Riley! Plus Lita needs to fall deeply in love with iggy! not Grizzly! I know I am REALLY behind but I would DIE if Griswald practices Dolhpin calls in the confessional before choosing which girl he likes more <3 

Seraphina is growing on me! Particulary her scene with the girls on her team, her calling them friends was heartwarming! In fact that WHOLE "party" scene was just really well done. I think it's some of your best writing. Everything about it felt "alive" which is something that is harder to do in a TD fic, so I really commend you for that! 

BACK TO EVIL PEOPLE EASTON! DONT YOU PITY HIM PEOPLE! HE IS AN EVIL HUMAN BEING WHO MUST BE STOPPED. That is all I have to say on the lesser twin. 

ANOTHER EVIL PERSON or ex-evil, Aiden! I started off hating him this chapter after his hayden hating and Melissa hating. (Might I add I was very happy that those three were not the stars this chapter, it was a nice change!) I really liked his scenes with both Hayden and Mel this chapter, I do wish though that their rivalry went a LITTLE bit longer? Or atleast one of them? I think it would have been a nice dynamic, with either Hayden trying to help Aiden apoligze to Mel or vice verse for a chapter or two. That being said, it's nice to have them all on the same page again. 

Back to Hayden... and other EVIL PEOPLE! Vance your gayness is showing. But I don't mind, you go make Hayden break up with his Boo! Because I REALLY want to see some Hayce on my tele! They would be UBER hot tbh, and would have a really interesting story tbh. The closet gay who comes to terms with his feelings and then does everything he can to show Hayden that they're in love? <33 

Ziphora, I think haas solidified herself as an early boot in this chapter. She still has yet to make a meaningful interaction, but is constantly hitting her one-liners, much like the newly departed Jasper. All of her lines were GREAT this chapter, but my fav was "Who wrote that for you." Honestly I wish she and Rhonda would interact more! 

I'm just going to briefly go over the challenge, because I really need to pee and sitting here typing is starting to hurt! But I have nothing to complain about for the challenge I think the "splitting" it up bits that you do really works for you, I loved the humour that was used during it. If anything I think I would like the roller derby to be slightly rewritten? I was kind of confused as to what happened there? But I'm also not the best reader today! 

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT my fav scene this chapter, which also made me ball! THE KALINO AND FRANN scene omg she was so sad and I could not take it! It felt so believable, with the eggs and everything but it was just SO upsetting, omg. It was nuice to see Fran coming around towards the end of the chapter though.... I think that's something you might want to look at though, a number of your story-arcs tend to be 1-2 chapters long? Maybe try to extend them when and where possible? I mean, I don't know what you have planned but it would have been nice to see Fran being sad a little longer, or Aiden still at odds with his friends for a chapter more!

I'll leave you with this, proving why Jenny > Toby "You shouldn't have sucked so much." 

ZAC :') I've missed your comments! Sorry I was early :p I'm glad your catching up though! (And I love that you left me a comment as I was reading Frozen and making a comment, we're so in twin synch). 

I knew you would be so saddened by Jasper's departure :'( It breaks my heart but it is what is. I know what Jasper would've said, but I think I'll leave best as a mystery ;3 While Jasper is definitely not going to be returning (at least this season) this may not be the last we've heard of him... He was a favorite to write for and I'm sad to see him go. And glad Lita ws liked, if only because she's been kind of a large character so its nice to know she's not totally hated (but I don't want to influence character opinions). 

I can't lie; this mini arc idea all started out thanks to your suggestions and comments. I hadn't planned on it but its definitely going to be shaping up the plot in the future! I do think I failed a little bit with Jenny's tantrum; she only cares that Hayden got hurt because she favors Hayden due to their interactions in the first challenge. That was suppose to be made more prominent but that scene was cut for time. It will be a bigger focus in the future though. Still, I love Jenny's dynamics and I thank you for this plot idea <3

I was really excited for you to see this chapter because it focused on the twins! I'm sorry I broke your heart :p Yay loving the volleyball scene <3 I tried with it. And so Easton is back to evil xD I hope it was clear, but the television was suppose to be an edit of what he said early...but made to sound like he still didn't love him. Maybe that doesn't make it better but...

xDDD I love your Pascal rant (and I forgot Pascal quoted Team Rocket). Ooh...poor Ness....

Love triangle :3 What Love Triangle? I don't see a triangle. Not even lines have formed ;p Okay there might be a triangle of sorts in one of the already posted chapters...but not what you think. I do love your intense shipping of things though xD I can't really add anymore than read ahead ;)

AND EEEEEEEE! I'm so glad you liked the party scene and the part with the friends <3 To be honest I thought it was really rough and worked on it a lot. So I'm SOOOOOOOOOO glad that it worked out and you loved it! And glad to hear Seraphina is growing on you. I feel one of the things canon lacked was positive and strong female friendships, something lacking a lot of shows in general, so I wanted those. More development on that next chapter...

I think you do bring up a good point in that Aiden's hate was done with quickly, and was originally going to be longer. Truth is it was partially influenced by your immediate hate xD I'm not blaming you, that was my fault, but it realized it'd be hard for the character to have funny lines or be enjoyable until he aplogized. I also didn't want my story to be so political and more character/relationship/story driven then about tackling issues. And it also just felt like Melissa and Hayden are the forgiving types. I'm really glad you liked the scenes though <3 The issue won't be completely dropped in the future though...

xD Vance and Hayden were very fun to write for (and yay creating more ships!). That's a really sweet plotline you thought of (which I might steal for future use...)

That's an interesting prediction about Zipporah; I'll say that her story and role has a purpose. I did really enjoy writing for her this chapter <3 (though I do every chapter :]) and that's one of my favorite lines. 

I didn't realize how much I split into bits until you mentioned but I do that a lot xD I think its just how I organize myself and my story. And I'm glad it made you laugh! The roller derby was confusing, so it may need some editing. I think partially since it was the last challenge (and featured a lot of already focused on characters) I breezed through and used it mostly for jokes. 

And wow I kind of forgot the Kalino and Frannie scene this chapter xD It made you bawl? Yay <3 I mean sorry to make you cry but glad it affected you that much! Honestly, I didn't want Frannie to be so obsessed with Diamonique and her departure so it felt like she revolved around one character. But I think your right that I'm going pretty quickly. This isn't the last mention of Diamonique however...

And xD I actually think Jenny is my favorite host (but no one likes that bitch Rhonda so its not hard :p). She's just so childish and fun to write for. 

Thank you again for the comments Zac <3 I'm super interested to see how your rankings change this time and your thoughts on future chapters. Thank you for leaving this comment and trying to catch up! What could possibly go wrong? 06:55, April 2, 2016 (UTC)

(6) So I'm going to update my rankings after I read Chapter 7 to save myself some effort! 

Let's talk about.... the start because it gave me chill and I think it really set the tone of the chapter! I'm not really sure what her vision means but I am really curious to see it play out! I'm assuming that was the black sheep who looks just like her? Do the pyschic powers get passed on through generations? 

Xidorn to the rescue, saving her from Tessa (and later Pinky-Pie) was great! I'm really liking their hinted relationship I think they would be really cute, but we'll see! Seraphina had my FAV line this entire chapter (but there were MANY) "RUN! and i'll try to get you an autograph" was sort of perfect! 

"Please don't murder me" was another one of the GREAT lines this chapter! It really set the new arc for Cynthia and Weston and I am loving it! The fact that his new friendship/crush is REALLy going to pressure his brother into making a move is really fun! I'm so happy with the amount of thought you've put into this story it's paying off big! Also... when Cynthia was carrying a duffle bag I was half worried it was Weston... but it wasn't so PHEW. I LOVED her comign to rescue twice during the challenge, I am REALLy loving their pairing, like a lot. 

"Puppies and Sadness should never be together" Yes Melissa, I agree! I am glad again, that that trio was on the back burner, we learnt they're back to being peaches and cream, but we werent forced into another story about them just yet. Honestly I see Aiden going home next from his team, just based on plot power. 

Moving on, I LOVE YOU MY TWINETTE. So you know, when I said that Hayden and his boyfriend should break up? I take that back. They should not do that. EVER. But Kalino's line during that scene were really ON POINT I loved it. THANK YOU <3. Actually, Fran and Kalino were on point this entire chapter except... 

For when KALINO CHOSE NOT TO SAVE QUEEN TESSA. I WAS STARTING TO LOVE HER. Like as of this chapter she would be in my top 5! It was just so sweet to see her interacting with Riley, but I mean i kinda figured she would go home, but still! Her friendship with Riley was so heart warming, and it just makes me love Riley even more, I honestly think she's one of your most under rated characters. The fact that Tessa left really makes me think that Lita is going to be a big baddy at some point, I DO think that she was fake crying, but who knows. 

The trio of girls, Lita Ness and Sera is VERy quickly growing on me it's nice to have a strong female friendship in a story! I do agree with Tessa that Ness and Sera are geeky and are latching on to her, but I'm still loving it. I think that their relationship talk was the best thing ever! Just how on Earth does Ness still go on with life after... well THAT? I have no idea, but you know what power to her! Lita's story, meh It was sad, but is it real? I'm not sure! 

I was also a big fan of the Xidorn and Weston scenes. It seems like both of these characters are really comign to the forefront of the story and I'm loving it! The pair is really interesting, and I wonder if THIS is the love triangle you were talking about? Sera-Xidorn-Weston? If so, I can already see Weston saying something offensive and that would break my heart!

Overal, I am a massive fan of this chapter I feel like you've found your groove and I'm so EXCITED to see how it all plays out, because I have full faith in you and I feel like it's going to be a roller coaster of entertainment! ZacAttack ^Rawr 13:37, April 2, 2016 (UTC)

<3 Even more comments! THANK YOU SO MUCH ZAC :DDDD I'm excited to here they'll be more rankings too (I'll need to update my Frozen rankings...). I was a bit interested to see if your rankings of characters would flucuate from each of these chapters but I'm much happier for all these great comments <3 Thank you! 

To be honest, But then everyone wanted her to be more psychic, so I decided screw it let's just be over the top xD I'm glad it gave you chills and interesting that it set the tone...makes sense with this creepy challenge. Her vision was meant to be intentionally vague, showing how little control or understanding she has of her powers and hint at things to come...

And yup, that was the black sheep! It's possible psychic ablities run in her family, but it could be simply her spirit from behind the grave. They'll be more psychic mishaps and discoverys as we go...

(xD whose Pinky-Pie? Oh is that the unicorn reference...) ;3 Glad your liking these ships, it might not play out well... <3 So glad you enjoyed that line, I loved it too! And the line from Weston!

I'm super excited about their relationship. It was planned as soon as I made the twins, which is Weston is on the Molting Eagles. You correctly predicted this relationship early on Zac when Weston fainted on her (hints at this development) so congrats for being so clever <3 

I'm so glad you're enjoying it, it maybe my favorite couple. And thank you :] I try to put a lot of thought in it. "Also... when Cynthia was carrying a duffle bag I was half worried it was Weston..."  xDD This chapter was meant to be big for Cynthia so I'm glad you enjoyed her larger prescense. 

Interesting prediction about whose next...we'll see if the Eagles ever lose again.

And YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I was waiting for when you got here; since you said you liked him and have been a devoted reader I made a little reference with him in your honor ;) I hade to make sure he was candian too of course, which lead to one of my fav lines. 

LE GASP :O "QUEEN TESSA?" Are going to join the club and be a fan of Tessa xDD I actually so thrilled you ended up loving Tessa this chapter; her story ended up changing a bit but I liked her getting redemption better. Riley felt like the best character, given her label is a 'popular' kid type but she doesn't fit the norm.

I agree, I think Riley needs way more love! And an interesting prediction about Lita; there is definetly a big bad but well...spoilers...

<3 <3 <3 I'm so glad you like the Roomies trio <3 I'm glad you enjoyed the female friendship (I actually noticed we both have a trio of female friends, given the Holy Trinity of Ivy, Rosalie and Lexi) as I love female friendships. I don't know if Sera and Ness are necessarily trying to gain popularity by hanging out with Lita, but they are outcasts so who knows. And yay! The relationship talk is another one of those scenes I rewrote again and again to get write so I'm soooo glad you liked it!

Ness' story is horrible...but I kind of laugh at it all the time xDDDD I don't know how she does it either...

Yup, Xidorn and Weston are ascending into bigger roles; I had always planned on them being friends (both their bios mention a love for movies and Xidorn has shown to be a monster movie fan). No, that's not the love triangle I was talking about (as you can tell from next chapter there is a bit of a love triangle, I just meant that it wasn't exactly as how you predicted it...)

I'm so relieved to hear you're a fan of this chapter; honestly this chapter took months and being completely overhauled and rewritten so I'm glad you liked it! I feel I've found my groove too and looking forward to what I can do in the future. And while not exactly the same, I view this chapter as the end of sorts to an arc similar to Frozen (with Tessa, a somewhat important seeming character, going and the next chapter having lots of plots).

Thank you for reading <3 Again I'm so glad you liked it! What could possibly go wrong? 22:44, April 3, 2016 (UTC)

(7) 

WELL I kinda saw this coming for Zippy whenever a character is seen in the corner a lone, it's almost certain theyre about to leave. I mean, I know that you said you had plans for her, but I don't know it doesn't really seem like you did. I get the whole story arc she had, but I kinda wish she was able to stick around a little longer and interact a little more. Her poems... well they were interesting. I think I want either tessa or Zippy to return if you do that kind of thing, I feel both of them could really have a lot to offer on a second go around. I really pitied Zippy once she was on the bus and looked back, It's just sad :( 

i feel like this chapter is going to have a slightly shorter comment, just due to how the chapter was set up. It was a lot of the same people interacting, which isn't bad it just means its less to comment on. 

Weston and Cynthia <3 I was half expecting you to just have the door getting slammed in his face as a running joke. BUT I WAS SO HAPPY that Watermelons ended up saving the day! I was a BIG fan of watching Weston try to flirt with her! I really think silent but deadly applies to Cynthia... So it was nice to see her really being wise about things, and her comforting Weston was really cute. 

I think my fav scene(s) was with the bae this chapter. When Hayden was trying to do his experiment we REALLy got to see some of the humour that each of the cast members bring. I think I really liked Weston's and Cynthia's interactions the most, but they were ALL on point,. "Murder. Murder. Murder. SOON." WOAH that way funnier than it should have been.. As long as she doesnt murder Weston I mean. 

I wonder where Kalino and Fran were this time around? I loved their flashback! It was really interestign to just see what they are doing in their free time! I especially loved kicking the child, and them being thrown out of the mall, will that have something to do with an upcoming chapter? I see MALL there? Will they not be allowed to compete??? Also the way Kalino describes Vance is on point and just makes me love them both all the more! 

Speaking of Vance OMG I loved him before but now I'm just like let me read to you, I don't know if you're actually a country boy, or if you've just watched A LOT of western movies, but I love the guy. The fact he can't read maeks me so sad, and I can't wait for him to open up more with a character, At this point I can see Xidorn and some one like Riley being the final 2 of the story, which I will have NO problem with! 

THE DOLHIN CALL! Omg that was golden! I loved it, I honestly think you have a perfect cast, and all of the potential relationships are great, I love that the Bear finally asked out Lita, but just what will Ness say? I'm worried for Lochness, but  I'm sure everything will be ok, hopefully! 

As for Aiden and Melissa, I mean this was bound to happen eventually, I'm more curious to see how their relationship evolves! I love how Aiden realized he loved her when she vomitting, t hat just feels very Rhonda-like! 

The challenge was a blast! I think the best part was the black licorice, honestly everyone trying to avoid it and then Ness just nomming it like a pro, because she's one of the rare people who actually enjoys it! LOVED IT. 

I will say this chapter felt slightly filler? I mean, there was A LOT of romance stuff, but as a whole it felt like it was more comedy-centric, which is fine, just an observation! 

I'm glad I'm finally CAUGHT UP! So excited for the rest of the story! Thank  you so much for writing this!! ZacAttack ^Rawr 14:22, April 2, 2016 (UTC)

Yup you called it, Zipporah was a dead man walking :p Her story was meant to be a deconstruction/subversion of goth characters and why they probably wouldn't do as well realistically. It would've been nicer to see more of her and have her interact...but that would've defeated the story :p If there is a losers chapter I suspect she'll get focus...

Those poems were a...something xD Zipporah's ending was meant to be sad, and maybe show she learned something. As for returning contestants, I like all my characters so I think they'd all have something to offer if they returned. But I'm not thinking I'll have returning contestants (though you may never know...)

This chapter is actually the shorest chapter so far. Looking at what the next chapter's length maybe like, I might should have moved some stuff forward but overall I like the chapter. I felt like Tessa's storyline took away from the Eagles last chapter so I made this an Eagle heavy chapter. 

<3 So glad you liked the Weston/Cynthia moments! I really enjoyed them too. And the Hayden moment! I really enjoyed that scene for basically the reasons you said :p (I took psych this year and it influenced Hayden a little bit). 

Zac you clever child ;) The mall will play a part in the future chapter... but it was mostly included here cause I enjoy their shenngains. I also kind of needed to establish that alliance thing still exits...not for the future or anything...

Vance finally got some spotlight and glad you enjoyed it <3 His story is starting to shape up. Interesting prediction for F2, though it maybe too early to tell with that... (I'd be interested to see who you think is going to make the merge). 

<3 The Dolphin Call. I'm so glad you love the cast! I enjoy them a whole lot and I feel like I have a voice for everyone left. I'm sure Ness will be fine, its not like she has a history turning out horrible...oh wait... (then again her luck changing...)

Yeah, Aiden and Melissa was bound to happen. Writing a scene between them, I realized there wasn't any reason for them not to become a couple, so I did and kind of lampshaded it. I'm not a fan of drawing out romances so I felt I should pair them together instead of waiting. We'll see what happens now that they're a couple. 

I'm glad you liked the challenge! It was fun to write (and rather easy). The black licocre is one of my favorite running gags xD 

I'd agree; it had a lot of humor to it yet besides the budding of romances (and maybe a new discovery of Vance) storywise not a lot happened. This was more of a set up chapter for future plots. But don't worry; I have some stuff that think might break your heart coming up :p

I'm so glad your caught up too! Thank you so much for reading this Zac <3 I'm so thrilled and happy you enjoy it and that you took the time to comment on the story! What could possibly go wrong? 22:44, April 3, 2016 (UTC)

I'm sorry that this comment might be shorter than normal. I was honestly too busy giggling to write down too many comments! 

FIRST let's start with the TWINETTE UNIVERSE CONNECTION! Omg <3 When we decided to link up I knew it would be great, but oh boy, that intro scene was amazing! First I really do enjoy the over-arching arc of Rhonda fighting against the ratings. Her morals, and personality are a really good combination for that conflict. I think it's a great idea and you've been able to write it really well! I'm SUPER interested in seeing where Jenny takes the show, after she offered to help (Mandy?). 

What I liked the most, because I'm self-centered? Was the whole CANADA idea omg. I had forgotten that Rhonda took Canadian lessons so the cast wouldn't kill her on Tides, so seeing that pop up again was really interesting! I wonder what other secrets I can write into Tides that pop up all the way down there in the States...The great story of Tim Horton is amazing! Do not diss him! Or the Canadian gods will strike you down!

So i will add this comment now because it's something I did in Frozen and I semi regret it now.. But boy oh boy all these relationships! There's nothing wrong with romance, but this chapter felt very "Fan-Fictiony" of your own story? I don't know how to explain it. I know the plot was moving along a bit but it did not feel like you had written it. There was so much fluff (which is another reasonw hy this comment is on the shorter side.) the fluff was good, but it felt like an empty chapter. 

The Lita love triangle. Is shaping up well I suppose. I mean it could be a really good story, but now you've introduced another love triangle? With Pascal (Lord have mercy on their souls.) I don't think Mandy was needed at all in this story. Or not in the way you've introduced her. You have a great cast already, and she seems ike she could be taking up some space and is a late addition. Lita x Iggy all the way though. I was kinda hoping Gris would spot them when Iggy was.... well yeah. These two just seem to be a better pairing. I could see Lita having issues figuring out her feelings and Gris or Lita going pre-merge because of their ruined relationship. 

Riley was so hidden this chapter but that's ok! We got to see her and TOBY omg have a broment! Which was great I kinda hope we see them a little more! Maybe Jenny gets jealous that Toby's fav is still in, while Hayden got the boot and she tries to seperate the pair/eliminate Riley?

Weston was super adorable this chapter! His footprints comment / trump comment / the CYNTHIA scene? Omg. Way too much cuteness was going on! I honestly love those two and I am afraid that Easton is going to try and ruin things soon fearing for his brothers life or something like that. 

Vance.... Well yeah ew ? He can leave. He's slowly getting more and more on my bad side. Sending my boyfriend home? Yeah no bad move. he can leave. Like soon? I used to want to know about his past, but right now I'm just more interested in him leaving the show to be honest. 

MY BOYFRIEND IS ELIMINATED AND HE DIDNT EVEN MENTION ME? HOW DARE HE. In other news, I was actually hoping Aiden would go in his place. Yes, Hayden had a good reason to be eliminated. But I think my Aiden hype train is gone and I'm at a point where I'm not really sure why he's still around. 

It's a shorter comment I know, and I'm sorry! But like I said, I feel like a lot of this chapter was just fluff. ZacAttack ^Rawr 19:39, June 26, 2016 (UTC)

Aww, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the chapter a lot D: I think its fair to say there was a lot of romance, but I'm a hopeless romantic (we've discussed my horrible shipping problem). I do think that I've probably had to many couples going on, but I don't know if I consider everything fluff.

Lita and Ingacio scenes for example weren't meant to seem like fluff or shipping fuel, but more a conversation that revealed more about their characters, specfically Ignacio (since as you pointed out he'd been very minor recently). Frannie and Kalino's scenes were in a similar vein as well. And was Weston and Cynthia's scenes not as fluffy? Or okay fluff :p 

But I can see how it'd be considered fluff and there was plenty, from Seraphina and Xidorn becoming a couple to Melissa's just...Melissa :p (though I also see the former as a bit of character development). The point is though if you saw it as fluff I can't blame you and its the reader's intrpretation that matters more than author's intent, so hopefully it won't be as bad in the future. I will say a lot of these moments are going to build up to stuff happening...

I am glad you liked the twiniverse connection <3 it was a bit of a last mintue addition but I really enjoyed it! Hopefully more people will read Tides to get the connection ;p And Rhonda's struggle against the ratings is proving to be tough. Jenny's plans will come to fruition in the next two chapters especially and it won't be pretty...

I'll say Lita is very fluff but her lines were written with a certain intent (sorry if that sounds vague). And I am so sorry for the lack of Riley! I wanted more of her too, but there just wasn't room for her D: I already have some scenes planned with her next chapter though ;)

As for Mandy, that's true I might not needed to include her. It might be a horrible idea I regret but I was tempted and did it :p I admit to enjoying writing her and her over talkative nature. I know you aren't a fan of Pascal so I don't know how you'll feel about what comes with her and him and Ness...

I want to include more Toby/Riley moments, so hopefully we'll see more! Favortism will be discussed between the hosts (with a Tides reference on Rhonda's past with that...)

I will say Weston was such a joy to write this chapter <3 The Trump/Obama comment is a fav. And I enjoyed Cynthia a lot too! They might have to compete together in a future installment of The Twinning Project. 

And oops :] So I finally start kicking off more of Vance's plot and interactions...and you don't like it xD Part of the reason Vance and Hayden were so at each other's throats was because you said you liked their rivalry :p Oh well.

I'm sorry your boyfriend went home D: It felt a little out of place to just mention you, so that's why that didn't happen. I wanted to focus more on what he learned because of his elimination. Truth is I was setting up Aiden up to be an obvious out this chapter but I actually have more planned with the character :3

I'm sorry this chapter was such a dissapointment. To be honest I was excited for it but it what it is and I'll make it a learning experience. There's stuff I do have questions about I'll probably ask you in chat, like thoughts on the challenge or Kalino (who I felt had a bigger role this chapter). I felt this chapter did set up some stuff and foreshadowing/established some things but if it didn't come across that way then I'll just have to be more clear next time. 

I hope you'll like the next chapter more; I plan for it to have some good comedy but well...things are going to be a bit more dramatic. Thank you for commenting so soon though <3 I appreicate it! What could possibly go wrong? 20:32, June 26, 2016 (UTC)

I've been putting off reading this chapter because I knew who waas going. And I knew why. I tried so hard to never have to read it. Having just lost Hayden, my heart was not ready for a nother loss. But I knew I had to do it... So I did. and NO! ZIPA! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO! AOH AND FRANNIE :( Also low key LOVED that elimination scene it felt so real, and I can only hope that Frannie can somehow save the circus! I feel like she will return, assuming someone returns and she throws a wrench into Kalino's master plan. 

... anyways let's go back to the start! I FORGOT HOW SICKENING MELISSA AND PASCAL ARE. They make me want to vomit. Melissa is wwhat I imagine would happen to someone if they ate all of the happiness in the world and it's smothering, yeah Grizzly if you think that Lita smothers you,w ait until you're forced to be around Melissa. AS FOR PASCAL! Ew. Do i really need to say anything? He's gross and everything that comes out of his mouth needs to go right back in. 

Frannie killed it in EVERY single scene. Which made it all the more heart breaking. To be honest as awhole I think every character has left a really good mark in their eliminations, maybe asides from Hayden. 

Bless your soul Aiden you missing Hayden is one your only likable traits. (not really but right now it's the most interesting)

I feel the need to mention melissa is by far more interesting this chapter than in the past. That being said I still think shes too over the top for me. 

THE ALLIANCE OF PUKE WITH A HINT OF Lemur and Clown Shoes... Well that laster long. Sadly all that's left is puke.... But Vance is slowly growing back on me after... the incident. Kalino and Pascal though can get fired out of a cannon. Vance was especially adorable this chapter :( 

PASCAL STAY FAR FAR AWAY FROM NESS! DONT GIVE HIM ANY HINTS KALINO STOP IT! DONT DO IT!!! AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND THROW YOURSELF BACK AT HIM BY BEFRIENDING MANDY UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jenny and Toby are killing it as always. I'm loving how they are still trying to rack up the ratings in whatever way they can! The hosting plot is really interesting <3 I feel bad for Rhonda having to have those... ads, but I can picture Zac laughing his bumm off drinking a beer at her expense. OLD LADY RETURNING <3 That was sweet and I'm excited to see more from her! Rhonda being pouty was :( 

Ah... the twin drama. I like Easton, understand what it's like to have a lesser, more loved twin. Le Sigh. 

ok... so the OTHER CHARACTER I CANT STAND IM SORRY I KNOW ITS BAD BECAUSE EEVRYONE LOVES HER BUT LITA IS TERRIBLE. She's just so strange I dont know why. Like I LOVED her defending Ness this chapter, but everything else she did was just meh to me. I like her being fierce, I don't like her being... well not. So that being said her and Grizzly? Are such a strange couple and I don't know how I feel about it. 

... The challenge was <3 I really liked the humour throughout and the call-back to the mall and everythign about it. It really worked for what this chapter was really all about and gave Frannie one last moment to shine <3 

On that note... Blainenruunerui McManly... performed with CODY SIMPSON? IS THIS A #TIDES REFERENCE! I must now have Angel show Malia their duet! 

THE wanted flyer/everything to do with Frannie/Kalino during the challenge was great! I kinda want to see a short story about the pair and their misguided adventures!

Melissa being sad.. well was sad. But OH WELL :) 

BUT MY FAVOURITE THING THIS CHAPTER? WELL ITS TIED FOR FIRST! CYNTHIA AND WESTON SCENE! I was so nervous that he was going to pull out a wedding ring and ask her to marry him so I was SO ready to cri nge. BUT HE DIDNT AND THEY HAD THE MOST ADORABLE and <3333 scene this chapter. ODDLY enough I find this to be your BEST couple. (please dont take that as a sign to give them 10x more scenes, i like how they both have their own things going on.) 

THE OTHER BEST SCENE was Riley and Iggy! I dont even need to comment why. But I will say Riley is SUCH a strong character she needs to go far. 

I think that's about all... Im currently shoving food down my throat so I may have missed things so give me a shout on PM. <333333333

ZacAttack ^Rawr 17:39, September 13, 2016 (UTC)

<3 I'm just so glad you commented Twinnie. I was lowkey worried eliminating your faves (Hayden, Frannie Ziba, and uh...what's his name?) drove you away but I'm glad you stayed to see it through! I do hate you got spoiled (though I swear when we talked when it just came out you kinda acted like you knew, so idk I'm confused about when/how you got spoiled).

I'm SO relieved you enjoyed the elimination scene. It might be my favorite part of this chapter. I was worried it'd be a bit of a wiplash from the sillier tone of the challenge but I also felt it might work, paralleling Frannie's feelings about the drastic change in how things went. Interesting idea about Frannie returning; she is similar to Julie who returned in WTH?

Aww, I guess I can see that about Melissa. She's pretty sickening but lowkey I love writing it xD I guess this means she should cancel your order of pupcakes. 

I tried to give Frannie, and the Frannie and Kalino dynamic, a really good send off because I enjoyed it so much. Thank you! I've been trying with the eliminations and glad to hear they're paying off <3

Aiden misses Hayden too D: Lowkey, dating Hayden means you'll probably hang around Aiden and or have to be friends (that'd actually be a really interesting scene to write, I could see Hayden wanting his buddy and his boyfriend wanting to be friends but Zac is not having it and not sharing his boyfriend xD)

She is rather over the top, but I'm glad you're enjoying her sad and lonely (you jerk D:<)

I'm glad to hear Vance is growing on you again after...Hayden's elimination? Is that the incident? And now you're not a fan of Kalino xD Oh no...

Jenny and Toby <3 The hosts plot has become a lot bigger than intended and I love it! The ads are only the start of it... Honestly the old lady was so popular I had to have her return xD We'll probably see more of her next episode. 

Is that why you dislike Easton? He reminds you too much of yourself :p

xDDD I'm actually not sure how much people love Lita. I know she's Gideon's favorite character but idk where she falls in Mana or Toad's opinions (she is leading in the popularity polls though). And I thought you didn't like her being fierce? Like she was too angry in the second chapter and that's why you didn't like her xD

I can see what you're saying about her though, her character has a rather different side here and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Hopefully what I'm doing will work better in the grand scheme of things (if its not too late) but we'll see. Her and Grizzy are a strange couple and we'll be seeing what's going on. 

As you guessed, there was a challenge at the mall! It was a lot of fun to write so I'm glad you enjoyed it! And yes, that is a Tides reference! (do you read the Trivia, it mentions it :p). Blainerson McManly has been mentioned by Ness before (I imagine she and Angel would have a lot of the same interests in common), so he's a bit of recurring fixture...

Frannie and Kalino were planned from the start and I really enjoy the pair, so I could write some more of their misadventures (if they ever have anymore). 

I KNEW YOU WOULD LOVE THAT SCENE xD I'm glad to offically make them well offcial! It actually may have been my favorite scene :] I think its my favorite couple too, just cause they are so different and fun!

I'm very relieved you enjoyed the Riley and Iggy scene! I know you like Riley, but also that Iggy has been lukewarm recently to you. So did you enjoy him or just Riley? Riley is great and hopefully she won't be your next favorite voted off >:3

I do think I've got a few questions about other scenes and such so when I can get onto to chat I'll ask. But thank you so much for commenting! I really appreciate and glad you're still enjoying this fic <3 Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 23:21, September 13, 2016 (UTC)

Bruno's Corner

(Chapter 1) - Loved it! It was a great intro chapter. The cast was introduced so well, they all shined in their own way and were very distinguishable. There was also great interactions, and hilarious scenes. All the Vance's horse scenes made me laugh a lot. So did Joaquin Jackson James Jasper's intro. And Tessa, I thought she was nice at first, but she's such a bi*ch... I think she's gonna create some drama. I liked Seraphina putting her in her place. <3 Speaking of Seraphina, I like that her being a psychic isn't all about her, she actually has a personality. And I love Cynthia! Boo at Ignacio not being shirtless- wait, who said that? *whispers innocently* But yeah, I like how you did something different from the typical male model character. I ADORE MELISSA SHE'S SO ADORBS AND OTTPPP AND SWEET I WANT TO HUG HER. <3333333 I'm curious to see how Easton/Weston will do, I usually enjoy family dynamics. And Diamonique, she better go far, she's really funny. Loved Griswold too, he was so fun and nice. <3

(Chapter 2) - And another great chapter, with more great interactions. I love Melissa and Cynthia, I'm really hoping they build a friendship out of that... or maybe Cynthia will just murder Melissa and leave the game and never be seen again... but let's hope for the better. <3 Diamonique/Frannie's fight over Ignacio was pretty funny, and I liked how they bonded later on, I expect great stuff from them. Tessa is already causing drama, her conflicts with Lita and Seraphina is interesting, but I LOVE the friendship of Lita/Seraphina/Ness. <3 I laughed at the Pentagram hotel, and then Zipporah loving it. <3 I hope we get to see more of her and the hotel. lol Aw, I'm curious to see what's ahead for Weston/Easton. Pascal being a strategist... I laughed when none of his allies ended up on his team. I'm also curious if Lita and Ignacio will go somewhere, I saw the possible connection in chapter 1 (Mr and Ms Fanservice), and I think they have potential to good interactions. I laughed at Ness/Bethany at the challenge. And speaking of the challenge, all those obstacles were hilarious. WOAH, wait up, will Seraphina... dang I have to read chapter 3... good thing it's already been posted. :)

(Chapter 3) - Aw, Seraphina slayed that challenge. I'm happy. I laughed at Dominique thinking it was a trick of treat challenge. And I loved how she actually won it (and she's actually- a GENIUS? <3). I adored Ness this chapter (not that I didn't in the other chapters), her repeatedly failing at the challenge was hilarious, and then her confessional about her luck changing was pretty nice. I hope it eventually happens (or not, because her misfortunes are hilarious). And Cynthia was AMAZING, she (literally) KILLED that challenge. That's animal cruelty though, poor snake. And- she can SPEAK? I also enjoyed Ignacio in that scene. Zipporah's poster. <3 Loved the maze challenge, Hayden and Jenny/Riley and Toby's interactions were hilarious. Also loved the cage fight scene. DRAG HIM LITA! Btw, is Vance really a cowboy? ;\ Dang, Melissa losing. </3 (Yay for Javier Jasper actually succeeding tho. :P Anyway, I loved this challenge as a whole tbh. <3 Wow, that's a twist. I love Diamonique/Frannie's friendship. It's not something I'd expect, but it works well I think. CYNTHIA SPEAKS AGAIN, and helps Melissa. <3 Wow, a hidden immunity flash driver? :O Kalino has a lot of power now. Aw, I felt bad for Bethany, didn't care that much for her, but I felt bad. Can't wait for more! :D The sky's a little bit gray but in a beautiful way, and you're not too far away. 04:01, November 9, 2015 (UTC)

(I hope you don't mind but I made you a corner to difference you and Zac's comments) Eeee! I'm so super excited to see this comment! And super happy to see you liked it! Thanks Bruno! 

(1) So glad the cast felt well introduced to you! Vance's horse scenes is one of my favorite own jokes ever. And I love/find it so funny Jasper is very loved and popular. Tessa will certainly cause...some drama. I'm glad you liked Seraphina, I felt she'd be limited if her personality was just 'psychic' and seem to similar to Dawn. Cynthia <3 

And xD I'm super happy to hear Melissa is your fav! She's a darling to write for. Hopefully Ignacio will take off more clothes (by which I mean I'm a pervert so he will ;3). And thanks I wanted to try and twist people's expectations with a lot of the character expectations and stereotypes and Iggy was the biggest example of that. (I feel like Kasey was a twist on the idea too actually). Family dynamics are easy to plan interesting to write for, so I hope I deliver on the twins. Glad you liked Diamonique and that someone likes Griswold!

(2) Cynthia and Melissa <3 Hopefully she won't kill Melissa...or at least save her for last... Tessa is already causing drama but she's also allowing a friendship to form and I'm excited to show everyone what I have planned for them... The Pentagram will play a bigger role in future chapters. Glad you enjoyed Zipporah <3 

I'm so glad you laughed when Pascal failed to get any of his allies on the team xD That was a joke I was setting up and to me characterizes Pascal :p Iggy and Lita will defintely talk more in chapter 4. 

(3) Seraphina is somewhat good at talking to people, despite hating them :p Diamonique is a mystery wrapped inside in an engima...though part of her backstory will be talked about next chapter. Ness' failings at the challenge were so much fun to write for, it had some more parts that were sadly cut for time D: And Cynthia slays :p Your right, I didn't even think about that snake. It probably had a wife and kids :'(

xD I didn't originally plan to have her speak this soon but I figured why not? And yay, at least Iggy got to show us them abs <3 And hooray for enjoying Jenny and Toby's interactions with Hayden and Riley, I liked writing those :3 Lita just really enjoys beating the crap out of people, I can kind of relate :p And nah Vance isn't :p (his bio elaborates on this a little bit). 

Glad the challenge was good! Frannie and Diamonique's scene at the end was something I really enjoyed <3 Kalino does have a lot of power but how will he use it... Yeah, Bethany wasn't exactly exciting :p But I'm glad her elimination at least made you sad. 

Once again thanks for the comment Bruno <3 (and voting in the WGC too!) I'm excited to see your rankings but I do really aprreciate you taking the time to comment! I'm so glad you liked the story and hope you enjoy future chapters <3 What could possibly go wrong? 19:50, November 11, 2015 (UTC)

WAIT, I HAVE MY OWN CORNER? I feel... weird because I'm not a fan of ~~PERSONAL CORNERS~~ on talk pages and I don't remember donig that, but at the same time I feel special and honoured. :') Well, now onto the story...

(4) I thought I stopped there, not chapter 3... oops!

Xidorn is adorable, I hope he goes far. <3 I loved his interactions with both Seraphina and Tessa. And I like Z-movies for the same reason as Seraphina, hooray! :P Melissa and her baking puppies! <3 Poor Ness, I hope her luck changes, like Seraphina's cards said... or maybe not, her misfortunes are funny. lol As much as I love Frannie and Diamonique, I feel bad for poor Ignacio, it must be hard being stalked by them. xD Yay for him and Lita making up, though, I may or may not ship them... *shifts eyes*Riley is such a bladvass, I love how she gives no f***s and... wait, why am I shipping Iggy with her as well??? Rhonda, Jenny and Toby, the best group of hosts one could've asked for. <3 I'm curious to see more of the drama they are bringing, because I hope it won't stop now. Zipporah and Cynthia... it's an interesting duo. I'd like to see more of them together, and of course I have to do it, <3 CYNTHIA <3. Loved the bro down, or as Riley said, brohemin rhapsody. I'm curious to see more of Xidorn and Tessa, I hope he is able to change her.

Yay for the Awake-A-Thon 2.0! I love how Hayden is always worried about everyone's safety. lol Seraphina reading everyone's cards. :o I love Frannie and Diamonique's friendship. Wait, so is that why Diamonique is actually a genius? :o I loved that she opened up and Frannie was there to support her. <3 Oh my gosh, I don't know Amanda Picklestein but I love her. xD Maybe she will pop up for a loved one visit or something... :o Pascal reacting to her was hilarious. Dramatic reveals! :O Dayum, Aiden! Hopefully he'll learn with Melissa and change. But if he starts hating Melissa, he can DIE ON A FIRE because Melissa is the cutest thing of all time. <3 Jenny and Toby being the worst (or best) doctors ever! <3 The Frannie/Kalino scene was so fun and cute! <3 YAY FOR NESS WINNING! <333 Is her luck REALLY changing? :O We'll see...

Dang, I didn't want Diamonique to go now. </3 I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, KALINO, HOW COULD YOU??? I still love you, though. lol I'm curious to see what will happen with Frannie and Kalino now. :O Rode a white horse to a black river to swim to you 23:15, July 4, 2016 (UTC)

<3 Eee! Thank you so much for commenting Bruno! 

You do have your own corner! I gave it you cause I think you comment was in Zac's corner and I was like, well I'll just give you your own corner. You can change however you want :p 

Glad you like Xidorn, and especially like his interactions with Seraphina and Tessa! Z-movies are honestly great! Melissa's pupcakes are real adorable <3 And poor Ness :'( I feel the same. 

Frannie and Diamonique <3 Oh my, shipping Lita and Ignacio :] We'll have to see if they become canon. They would make some hot kids together though. Riley <3 xD I love you're having a lot of ships! 

And I'm so glad you like my hosts :] thank you for saying their the best <3 Blaineley, Chef and Crystal are pretty great too! (hosting trios for the win honestly). Trust me, the drama they bringing is only started ;) 

Cynthia <3 I love her too. Glad you liked the bros too! And this isn't the last argument between Xidorn and Tessa. Interesting you think Xidorn can redeem her; can she be redeemed?

Not gonna like, the Awake-a-thon is one of my original favorties (plus it allows for lots of character discussion). Hayden is kind of a mom sometimes honestly :p I think her head injuries are a part of her intelligence and ditziness yeah. Amanda Picklestein <3 One of my fav jokes. I don't know if we'll see her but this might not be the last mention...

And yes, the dramatic reveals. Yeah Aiden's in hot water :( xDD glad you love Melissa and think she's the sweetest <3 Jenny and Toby are the best doctors, they printed out a certficate that says so. Glad you liked the Kalino and Frannie scene (lowkey spoiler: they're very shipped). I know, who saw Ness winning? Is this a change in luck?

Poor Diamonique :'( Yeah, Kalino did a real bad thing. But I can't hate him either! You'll have to keep reading to see what happens with those two...

Thank you so much for reading Bruno <3 I really appreicate it and so glad you put in the effort to try to catch up. Your opinions are great (lowkey made me happy to see some of the characters you liked <3). I can't wait for you to get to some of the other twists ;) Thanks again! Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 01:13, July 6, 2016 (UTC)

(5) I swear I had read chapter 5, but I guess I didn't... Sorry! 0:3

Hmm, am I allowed to ship NessXPascal now? I have to stop shipping these people. Griswold is literally me... the part where he googled how to flirt may or may not be included. ;\ Poor Frannie. :( Kalino is a lying guy mannnnnnnn (but I still like him :P). I'm glad Aiden apologized, and he and Hayden can be friends again.

Aw, I feel bad for Easton, and I also feel bad for Weston. :( Curious to see what's going to happen with them. It seems Rhonda, Jenny and Toby screwed up badly. That's why reality tv can't have production interf- oh wait, that's Total Drama, there's always production interference. :P At least they caused drama. Btw, death threats is bad, don't do it kids.

Yay for another attempt at a tie-in for cheap cash sports challenges! I agree with Vance that everyone is attracted to him, even I am! <3 And Riley/Z truly is the dream team. "Brono Somebrody" this is why I love this story and Riley! <3 Glad to see Frannie is slowling getting better, even beating Tessa and ... Jacob. Yay for interpretive dancing. I laughed when Vance was doing the chicken dance, and Jenny/Toby's answers to that. <3 I guess Ness' luck hasn't changed... but at least she scored. Lita is savage! And yay for Hanson. <3

Yay for Aiden apologizing to Mel, and I hope things will get better for them. <3 I see Pascal is here to play. Tessa is really the ideal goat, but not letting her get voted off will be hard I think. lol Wait, it seems his plan is actually working, even though Lita isn't having none of that, but Seraphina is. And yay for Lita getting Jordan Jasper's name correct.

Poor Jacques, Rhonda doesn't even let him talk. lol I actually feel bad for Joseph, but I like how his elimination brings up a good point about the early boot fodder and the invisible people. Yay for Lita standing up for him, though! <3 Rode a white horse to a black river to swim to you 22:58, September 7, 2016 (UTC)

BRUNO <3 I'm so happy to see this! I really appreicate you taking the time to read and comment. Not a lot of people will do that anymore it seems, but it warms my heart that you're trying. And enjoying TDG <3

You're allowed to ship anything you want to ship, though I warn you, other people's ships have been sunk... xD Griswold is all of us. Same, Kalino is a problematic fave. Yeah, Aiden is a pretty upstanding guy so he can't just not aplogize. Also I don't think anyone wants to read about a charcter who could be considered homophobic or racist. 

Easton and Weston are messed up. Whose to say who will get better... xD true about Total Drama. xDDDD Me too; its the mustache. Riley and Z need a roadtrip spinoff. I love Riley and her bro puns too! This is why you need to catch up, so you can enjoy amazing shouts outs like those :p  

You can't keep a good clown down. The intrpretive dancing is my favorite part of the challenge xD I mean it depends on how you view Ness' luck; she won a challenge by accident. And considering Vance's sweet moves, thats' quite the feat. Lita is! Hanson is honestly great, love that song. 

I'm glad they're friends again too! Pascal is kind of a gamebot I feel, you know. See the problem with goats to me is that you actually have to get to the finales with that person. Seraphina is a bit of strategist herself I think, and she feels going with the majority is the best option right now; after all, as long as it ain't me.

I'm glad you feeled the boot of Josephine brought up some good points; that was the basic reason for the inclusion of his character. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter <3 Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 01:20, September 9, 2016 (UTC)

(6) I'm also reading this chapter, yay! Aww, that scene with Xidorn and Seraphina was really cute and philosophical and deep. Remember when I said on chat that this is story is full of great people? Tessa isn't one of them. xD How do I help the dog shoes charity? It's nice to see those friendships going on, with Hayden/Aiden/Melissa and Frannie/Kalino... but how long can these groups stay as friendly, especially Frannie/Kalino? :O :P And I feel like I've seen Hayden's boyfriend before, but I don't know where... xD

Poor Ness, but I did laugh when she talked about the other students in her school, and her teachers. lol Seraphina, Lita and Ness have such a sweet friendship, I love them together, and I'm happy Seraphina warned them about her visions before that happened. lol Aw, Easton and Weston are on the rocks. </3 I do think Weston/Cynthia as friends would be awesome, though, so I hope it keeps going. :P Will Lita finally get lucky with relationships in the show? I still ship her and Ignacio, so you know what to do, Rhonda. ;) Aw, Ness' story made me happy, even with diarrhea and bus, but then the end came... :( WAIT, and then with his father? The poor girl can't catch a break. And you go, Seraphina! Oh, Tessa better not touch there girls or she will regret it! >:( (DRAG HER ZIPPORAH)

Oh, a spooky challenge and abandoned warehouses! :O Hmm, maybe I don't ship Ness and Pascal, but I don't think he cares because he's too focused on playing the game. Yay for Xidorn the hero! <3 Can I ship it too? I have to stop shipping every cute conversation between two characters... but I can't. :P Griswold is such a cool dude, love him! I love aliens, so yay for that challenge. Loved the nods to WTH! and Cornelius Puckerschmidt. <3 For a minute I thought killing everyone was exactly Cynthia's plans, but she ended up being the hero! <3 WestonXCynthia is the ship I didn't know I needed. Griswold and Ignacio taking one of the team, and Riley's speech (with all the nicknames) was so inspirational. :')

Now I want to go to a underground McDs, that would be cool. “I always knew I died thanks to mainstream media,” Me too, Z. OH MY GOD I LOVE CYNTHIA SO MUCH... and I'm scared of her... but what a fearless badass... a fearless badass that terrifies me. Damn, Tessa is mean. Don't cry, Lita. :( Also she did come up with a good plan, but yay for Kalino being smarter. I liked Tessa's plot but I'm glad she left. Rode a white horse to a black river to swim to you 00:38, September 8, 2016 (UTC)

You read TWO chapters? Bruno you're a queen g.oddess <3

Glad you enjoyed the Xidorn/Seraphina scene; their talks are some of my favorite. Hehe, I don't think you're alone in that opinion of Tessa. Get informed about dog feet and spread the info; that's how you can stop dog foot sunburns. That's a really good question, but you might not like the answer... Hayden's boyfriend is one of the great enigmas of the story. Of any story really. 

I'm so so glad you like the Roomies friendship <3 I really wanted to put an emphasis on female friendships, since they're something I feel is lacking in media and Total Drama. Seraphina actually did something psychic like xD And Weston and Cynthia would be an interesting friendship...or more? Ness' story is so tragic, and it cracks me up everytime. Lol "when your only love becomes your dad's boyfriend and your stepdad."  xD at Zipporah dragging Tessa. 

What's a season of Total Drama without a spooky challenge. You can ship Xidorn and Seraphina, a few people do. Griswold love <3 I'd be very curious to see who are your faves at this point. Don't tell Corey about the challenge :p Thanks, I'm a sucker for shout-outs. Right? Who'd have thought out of anyone, Cynthia would be a hero. Dat ship <3 Riley's speech is a favorite of mine <3

Me too Bruno; let's go get a sweet tea. Zipporah just speaks all truth, all the time. Cynthia is a badass, a horrofying badass who haunts my every waking nightmares. I'm glad you liked Tessa's plot xD she seems to be a bit of mixed bag; people either like her at the end or glad she's gone. I think she left at the best moment. 

Thank you so much for reading Bruno and again, taking the time to comment! I love that you're enjoying it and have a love for a lot of these characters. It makes me feel relieved as an author :p I hope you enjoy the stuff to come with Genesis. Thanks again <3 Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 01:20, September 9, 2016 (UTC)

Solarrion's Corner

I'll be doing reviews for each chapter, so I hope it's alright for me to make this header on your talk page for this fic! :)

---FIRST IMPRESSIONS---

Okay, for first impressions, this cast is a very well rounded cast and includes all the "normal" stereotypes you'd expect to see in a total drama story with a new cast! My favourites from the cast so far are without a doubt Lita and Ness, they have very interesting stereotypes (also their designs are GREAT, especially Lita's <3). However, my least favourite of your cast so far is Jasper, mainly because of his stereotype. It appears as if he's already being cast aside right from the get go! I hope the stereotype in the end is to make him seem like an underdog, and that he isn't just first boot filler! (Also, I think you've accidentally missed the first six contestants off from the list of contestants :c).

I'll construct together a google sheet with my character rankings on per episode which I'll link in my review of chapter one! I'm really excited to get into reading this, so expect it to be within the next couple of days or so :3.

¤ SOLARRION ¤ ^{(Talk Page)}

Eeeee! So excited to see this <3 I don't mind at all having your own corner at all, I encourage it! I liked you opened with First Impressions; its interesting to see what immeaditely draws people and works and not. I also admit to be somewhat obsessive with bios and stereotypes; I know not everyone thinks they're important but I think they serve as the intro to a character. So I appreciate you making mention of them <3

Thanks for pointing out that the character list was missing some names D: I goofed and accidentally deleted them!

Yay, happy you thought the cast was well rounded! A lot of the cast was made in mind of reflecting or paralleling trends in other total drama fanfictions (such as Zipporah) or reality shows in general (Vance filling the role of contestant who is a cowboy), so I'm glad that showed.

Lita and Ness <3 Interesting those two stood out the most; I think they do have some of my favorite images (Lita's image is seriously underrated and maybe my favorite too). I'm a bit confused on who this Casper guy your talking about is though? Did I post a wrong link or something? (joking aside, you'll have to see about Jasper).

And <3 <3 <3 thank you for doing rankings as well Solar! It's always great to know where each character stands after a chapter, seeing how opinions change with new interactions and information. Thank you Solar!!! I shall try to remain patient, but I'm super excited for these rankings! What could possibly go wrong? 02:18, April 7, 2016 (UTC)

The Elder Scrolls

I’m not really a fan of reviewers carving out their own “corners” and suchlike on review pages; but since that’s become the norm on this page, I suppose I should do likewise.

Scroll the First

As you know, I’ve long been an advocate of long, detailed introduction chapters, and yours was just the sort I like. The opening scene establishes the familiar (to readers of WTH and/or UMV (RIP)) dynamic of the tri-hosts, and suggests a last-minute scramble resulting from a lack of organization, which is entirely typical of Rhonda & co. I suspect the reference to a failed, earlier American attempt to revive the show was a reference to one or both of your earlier competition stories, but that’s as may be.

You spend the better part of 5,000 words on the player intros, and for my money it was time well spent. Good descriptions (although I could have done with less focus on their clothing, which I won’t remember anyway without referring to their portraits) and lots of interactions to get character development off to a running start. Some specific thoughts:

The numeral “1” on Bethany’s jersey is presumably not a coincidence, although it could mean several things. An “I’m number one” statement seems most likely, although Bethany doesn’t seem especially full of herself. I’m guessing “Shelbyville” is a Simpsons reference, although I can’t tell whether “Canaries” refers to anything. It does seem rather unusual for an athletic team nickname, but I’ve heard stranger (like the Cal-Irvine Anteaters).

The description of Xidorn’s shirt sounds like a parody reference to Disney’s version of The Little Mermaid. Did that originate in your delightfully twisted mind, or did someone suggest it to you, or did you see it somewhere?

I get a Katie/Sadie vibe from Weston and Easton, as I mentioned on their character pages, and the similarity of their names suggests this is by design.

If Tessa is as famous coming in as Bethany and Xidorn’s reactions suggest, it seems to me the bystanders would be more likely to flock to her than to make way, unless she has attendants/bodyguards to part the proverbial sea.

Physically, Diamonique appears to be patterned after the Leshawna prototype, but with Lindsay’s brainpower. She also reminds me of the Anne Maria knockoff in UMV who was always eating frickles.

Tessa’s comment concerning free speech and Constitutional Amendments reflects a common misconception. Constitutional provisions restrict the actions of governmental bodies, not private parties. Restricting the actions of private parties is what statutes, ordinances, etc. are for.

No competition story is complete without a clown, and Frannie is just being more literal about it. What’s less obvious is how anyone would have known she was a girl until she spoke, since she apparently arrived in full clown regalia. As for the nicknames she considered for Rhonda, I rather liked “Rhon-Rhon”.

A Silver knockoff named Tinfoil. I like that. But isn’t Vance a little young to have a full moustache? In his portrait, he looks like he’s 30 years old. Granted, the TD canon has characters who look twice their age (Alejandro, D.J. and Jo, among others) but still.

When you mentioned Melissa’s plate wrapped in tinfoil, my immediate thought was, “Tinfoil?! OMG, what did you do to him?” Now, if it had been Cynthia, I would have had a fair idea what she did to him…

Tessa may have been on the U.S. Olympic team, but her attitude toward the U.S. suggests that she probably wasn’t “representing” anyone but herself. It looks like she’s going to be the player who hates everybody and is hated by everyone in return.

All in all, a promising start. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:44, August 15, 2016 (UTC)

Ahhhh! <333 I was so excited to your comment Gideon! You always gave great feedback for TDWTH and its no different here! I'm not sure how I feel about personal corners, but I'm taking what I can get now :p And I love the title you came up with yours xD

To be honest, I remember you saying that about intro chapters (I'm not sure if it was in reference to LTDI, TDWTH or something else) and what inspired me to make it longer. So I'm glad to hear you liked it. I feel one of the weakest parts of TDWTH was its intro; the veterans really got the short end of the stick but really it wasn't that great way to start. I wanted TDG to be a step up from that.

I could write endless bickering scenes between these three hosts, its fun. And true, it wouldn't be a Rhonda and co. production if it wasn't on the edge of failure.

The reference was in fact to my earlier fics, more specifically TDWTH, but the failed attempt does have its own place in this continuity that might come up in the future, though perhaps not this fanfiction. 

Yay, happy the character intros worked out! I think I actually remember writing parts of Seraphina's intro after reading LTDI's first chapter. And that's true, the clothes really weren't that important, especially since I do have images now. I think when I (hopefully) do a second fic, I'll probably not be as detailed with them since I will have images. 

The number one is intentional, (and know that you've read the first three you can guess why xD). I actually have no idea how numbers are assigned to players, but we'll assume she just randomly got that specific number. I actually wasn't referencing The Simpsons; Shelbyville was based on Shelby, NC where my grandma played basketball, but it wasn't really meant to be a reference as much as a random name. As for the canaries, I have no idea xD I want to say it has to do with why her uniform is red but canaries are typically yellow... 

Xidorn's shirt did originate from my twisted mind ;) And it is a Little Mermaid reference. It felt like a real shirt I could see, and would buy. 

Weston and Easton are definitely inspired by Katie and Sadie; thinking about most reality shows you don't have people who know each other outside of the game, unless its a twist. But its not commented on in TD ( or TD fanfics). And dang if its not plot convenient xD Their names were purposeful to; I originally tried for rhyming names but I think these worked better and were more meaningful...

True about Tessa and her fame...I kind of meant it to be she's so intimidating they parted. We'll just say the interns were pulling people back just outside the range of the camera xD 

You called it, Diamonique is based off Leshawna's prototype design! The Lindsay-like mind wasn't intentional, but it definitely there. And she is like the frickle girl xD (is it sad I already forgot her name?) 

Yeah Tessa's definitely in the wrong about this argument, she's a bit of a straw-man here for it really. 

Hopefully Frannie will be a funny clown. And yeah she could pass off as a boy xD 'Rhon-Rhon' was my favorite too!

Wish I could take credit for being clever with the Silver knockoff, but the horse is named after one from a Looney Tunes short called Drip Along Daffy. Fitting, given Vance takes some visual cues from Yosemite Sam. Which, I suppose it is far fetched he looks so grown up. I do kids I went to high school with who had a lot of facial hair, though probably not that much.

xDDDD I didn't even think of that. I'd be afraid of what happens if Cynthia got the horse...

Yeah, Tessa was only representing herself. And you are spot on! Tessa was created to be similar to characters like that, a rather recurring type in Total Drama fanfictions, and a sort of response to them.

Overall, I'm glad you enjoyed the intro <3 --Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 21:50, September 6, 2016 (UTC)

Scroll the Second

And now, we get into the meat of the story.

When Tessa compares Lita to a streetwalker, the resident Miss Congeniality actually has a point. Lita does look like a streetwalker, except the scarf is presumably not standard streetwalker attire. Speaking of “Ms. Fanservice”, despite the differences in appearance and stereotype label, I’m getting a Leshawna vibe from Lita, with Tessa the early favorite to become her Heather. Indeed, later developments in this chapter suggest that Seraphina is likely to be the Gwen analog in your version of the Heather-Leshawna-Gwen group dynamic, where Lita (Leshawna) and Seraphina (Gwen) serve as tag team foils to Tessa (Heather).

Of course Hayden and Aiden are willing to try to make room for Lita. They’re teenage boys, and she’s implied to be the hottest girl in the cast. Do the math, as the expression goes. As for Tessa, I’m not sure why Aiden is so surprised at her attitude. “Jerk Jock” is a trope for a reason, although Tessa apparently making no effort to hide her outlook seems more indicative of genre blindness than anything else. Concerning Tessa’s claims that some of her fellow athletes bullied her, I could believe that.

Rhonda & co. don’t sound terribly organized, what with shooting to last an “indeterminable amount of days”. This is presumably your intent, and I sense budget problems on the horizon. Or could she just be referring to the fact that each individual contestant can’t know how long they will be in the game? Nah, I’ll go with “disorganized”.

Rhonda says the ghosts of the killer and his victims drove away the investigators. The killer’s ghost probably shouldn’t be at the Pentagram unless he died on or near the premises, so I’m guessing that’s an embellishment of Rhonda’s. Zipporah’s attitudes remind me of Crimson and Ennui’s, although what we’ve seen of her personality isn’t especially similar to theirs. Rhonda’s response to Zipporah’s complaint was spoken like a true elimination game host, although given Rhonda’s characterization in your various stories, the thought occurs that she could simply have been oblivious to Zipporah’s distress.

And we come to the first confessional spots of the season. Flash drives aren’t very big, so when Kalino found it because it made his seat uncomfortable, it made me think of “The Princess and the Pea”. Pascal, the genre savvy reality show veteran, begins strategizing immediately and seems a natural main antagonist, but I’m not so sure. My guess is that, precisely because Pascal is an elimination game veteran and some of the other players are aware of that, he’ll eventually get blindsided for being a threat; and his plan to set up a power alliance right off the bat can’t go off without a hitch, lest it become a spoiler. TV Tropes calls this the Unspoken Plan Guarantee.

Weston angsts over having a different room from his brother, and I’m thinking, “Yep, definitely the second coming of Katie and Sadie,” although the dependence here seems more one-sided than with the canonical clones. Then they meet their roommates. Somehow, I’m not surprise that the unfeminine girl has to room with a boy, especially since she’s probably used to it. As for Easton’s roommate, I think Vance could have come up with a better metaphor that “a chicken on a june bug”, because that scenario tends to end messily for the bug—which, for all I know, may be precisely the point.

The Number of the Beast obviously fits Tessa, given the way she has behaved to this point, but Cynthia would be an even better fit (and even more obvious). Tessa further isolates herself when she throws out her roommate, yet she expects to win the game. Apparently her “strategy” is to win every challenge, which can work but rarely does.

At the first meal, two colors of cups and one cup for each player. My first thought was that it sounded like a team selection scheme. Sure enough … I’m a bit surprised nobody—especially Pascal—picked up on it until it was too late.

Considering Lita’s fondness for cheese fries, I’m guessing she has to exercise a lot to maintain that knockout figure of hers, otherwise she’d probably look more like Diamonique. Or maybe it’s just the legendary teen metabolism. And Lita has a temper? Yep, definitely a hotter version of Leshawna.

The very first incident in the very first challenge: off the wall absurdity, including crates that are bigger on the inside. That’s the Rhonda I know and love.

“Diamonique was kind enough to haul a taxi for us”. I’m guessing you meant “hail”. Or maybe not. In the early going, Diamonique reminds me somewhat of Sugar, who can “only” throw a tractor a couple of feet. On a more general note, a lot of the players recall canon characters without being carbon copies, and I think that’s part of the reason why I like this cast.

Frannie’s one of the hottest girls in the game? Now you’re eventually going to have to show us what she looks like under that makeup.

The bit with the vulture carrying Jenny and Toby off sounded familiar. I checked and, sure enough, it’s the same joke (and perhaps the same vulture) from WTH. I can’t remember whether you also used it in UMV (RIP).

Kudos to Seraphina for a great “audition” for the public speaking subchallenge, but Xidorn has an unbeatable argument if he cares to make it. It goes something like this: “You’ve seen what Olympic gymnast Tessa X is like on the talk show circuit. Well, she’s even worse in person, and she’s on the other team. If my team, the Eagles, wins this challenge, then her team can vote her off and a brighter day will dawn for both teams. She’ll probably be out the first challenge her team loses anyway; so the sooner it’s done, the better it will be for everyone—including her, in all likelihood.”

Not much to say about the cliffhanger, since you appear to have chosen it mainly for chapter length (whereas I allow LTDI’s cliffhanger placement to dictate chapter length). Although this chapter has a little more game-relevant action than the first, we’re mostly still just getting to know the players—and that’s no bad thing. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:44, August 15, 2016 (UTC)

Once again, you're spot on! Tessa is meant to be/give a vibe very similar to Tessa. In that same vein, Lita and Seraphina having Leshawna/Gwen like relationship with her is intentional. Lita's original label was something like the 'Ghetto Girl' but I changed because it just felt uncomfortable. But that coming from the streets idea is a part of her character, which probably came from Leshawna unintentionally at first.

And yeah, Lita's outfit is rather... low cut. I do seem a lot of girls in shorts and midriffs in summer though (not me, I don't usually show my midriff) and I feel the original cast of TD was rather revealing, but Tessa is right that it is rather scandalous. I love the nickname of Miss Congeniality for her though xD

xDDD I don't know if that's what they were thinking, but they probably wouldn't admit it if they were. I think Lita thinks she's attractive, but not aware how attractive. She is probably the hottest girl here though.

I feel Aiden probably would hold Olympic athletes to a higher standard, since they represent their country. Although given some of the stuff actual Olympic athletes have done in Rio, he shouldn't. I'd say Tessa is definitely genre blind.

Oh your senses are spot on. Though the indeterminable amount of days is partially production problems and partially because I didn't want to put a specific amount to try and keep track of... I remember the original's timeline always confused me; it says about three days between challenges, which I can buy in TDI but with Action happening too it can't all be in one summer. And even then it seems like challenges are the day after. So basically its a little bit a reference to the inaccurate timeline.

Rhonda is almost certainly embellishing it. (And the point you just made has given me an idea for some dialogue for next chapter). But there is some mythos to this place that might come in later.

Zipporah does have the attitude similar to RR's goths, which was unintentional. I'd agree though, personality-wise Zipporah is a lot less hardcore. I can't tell if she's obliviousness or not, but I'd lean towards the former.

The Princess and Pea is where I got the idea! I feel Kalino is such a slacker he can sense comfort levels of seats and cushions. Hmm...interesting thoughts about Pascal. I think it'll become more clear as we get farther in... And that's true xD Pascal's plan was doomed from the start; he basically did a villain monologue. I should add that trope.

Hehehe, very Katie and Sadie. But you be onto something about it being one-sided. I didn't think about it, but it does fit Riley gets to room with a guy. Honestly, she was the roommate because she didn't have a lot of lines so far :3 It was Bethany in the original draft. And ooh, Vance might have meant it that way xD You never know with him...

True, Cynthia would have been an even better. I'm a little disappointed in myself I didn't think of that. xDD I don't Tessa's aware of how this game works. I mean she could get a lucky immunity streak like Heather. Has there been anyway whose won every challenge before on a reality show?

Spot on again Gideon! This was originally planned to be a reference to the Purple Cupcakes from TDWTH? with someone who was fan pointing it out and feeling stupid for not seeing it coming. :Yeah, Lita does a lot of exercising, though she probably has a bit of a high metabolism.

<3 I enjoy the crate gag too. Don't worry, they'll be a lot more absurdity as we go...

Oops. I always thought it was haul, but hail actually sounds right. I changed that. Though Diamonique probably could carry a taxi, if she wasn't so lazy. A lot of contestants were meant to remind of TD characters or be compared to them and or other common archetypes I see on other OC fics here, some even more on an subconscious level. In story-wise I imagine Rhonda is trying to establish American equivalents or counterparts. I'm glad that helps you enjoy them.

Frannie is actually Justin's cousin in disguise, wanting not to be targeted for her relation to a previous contestant. Or everyone just finds clowns hot in this fic. xD Not sure which.

Yup! That vulture is the same. I believe I did do the gag in UM, and if not was probably planning it. She'll come up again eventually, I lowkey forget her...

This is super true, Xidorn could've won it all right there. I mean, I'm sure Tessa has some defenders out there but yeah, it'd have been that easy. I should write an alternate ending where that happens.

Yeah, the chapter was suppose to end after the first trial, but even then it wasn't much of a cliffhanger. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter despite it being more build up, exposition and set up. Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 21:50, September 6, 2016 (UTC)

Scroll the Third

I must admit I didn’t see Seraphina’s misanthropic confessional coming. I know her bio says she’s not into socializing, but I wouldn’t have guessed she’s that down on people in general. Moreover, her interactions strongly suggest that she’s not as antisocial as she lets on, which strengthens her similarity to Gwen.

For the second challenge, Rhonda says the teams “should consider weight”. Real helpful. Does that mean the teams need a heavy player, a lightweight player, or a strong player? In retrospect, It sounds like the more detailed clues Rhonda gave in the challenge briefing were meant to give an advantage to the first team to figure out the pattern, but since both teams saw the pattern quickly enough, the playing field remained more or less level. It was still a good way to encourage the teams to think, though.

In the real world, Ness taking a shot to the face would probably be fatal; but this is Total Drama, where players routinely survive worse without lasting impairment. I do hope Ness’ Labor doesn’t require her to do face stuff, though. (Yeah, I miss Julie. And Nellie.)

In the wake of this mishap, I wouldn’t be surprised if Zipporah actually believes the wounded Ness looks amazing, considering Zipporah’s Goth attitudes, and “amazing” by itself can mean many things.

When Rhonda rattled the chains, my immediate thought was that it was Cynthia’s time to shine. Sure enough … Speaking of whom, the thought occurs that if Cynthia’s hair and dominant clothing color were black instead of white, she would fit right in with the Addams family, perhaps as the movie version of Wednesday. On a related note, Zipporah’s portrait (which doesn’t have the pale skin mentioned in her description) looks more like Morticia Addams than of a Goth, although Zipporah has bigger hair than Morticia.

Diamonique’s performance in the puzzle challenge suggests that exceptional intelligence isn’t the only nigh-superhuman trait she’s hiding. If it took her two minutes to finish a 1,000-piece puzzle, that works out to over eight pieces per second, which would be quite beyond normal people even if they knew exactly where each piece went. It will be interesting to see whether you build on this or whether it was just an exaggeration for comic effect (which is, after all, part of TD’s stock in trade). Either way, this should Diamonique on Pascal’s hit list because she not only beat him, she made a fool of him.

Given Ness’ history and bio, I was expecting her to fall her Labor. Not necessarily on the first step, but I can’t say I was shocked. I was even less surprised when she had to try 13 times. Seriously, what other number could it have been with her?

Zipporah’s symbolic poster was supposed to depict the spirit of her team, the Fizzled Fireworks; but If all the people depicted in her poster are exploding, then I’m not sure where the “fizzle” part comes in. Also, it may just be me, but the attitude behind her poster strikes me as more hipster than Goth.

Vance is right that Bethany was not the proper choice for the cage match, albeit not for the reason he supposes. If the Eagles had held Bethany for the cage match, then who would have done the shot put? They put Bethany to her best use. On a related note, the outcome of the cage match was no surprise to me, and not just because we previously discussed it for the TV Tropes page. When Vance revealed his chauvinism (making  him yet another analog to a canon character, in this case Ezekiel) and subsequently stepped into the cage against a girl, it was immediately obvious that he would get his head handed to him.

Ness likes black licorice? You may have just revealed the source of all her bad luck. Minor spoiler alert: black licorice appears in LTDI’s eating challenge for the same reason you included it in your endurance test: it has been the butt of many “gross food” jokes for many years because it’s very much a “love it or hate it” food.

Of course, Jack, er, Jasper’s stomach is of average strength. The whole point of his characterization, such as it is, is that everything about him is utterly unremarkable. I’m guessing he’ll be an early out, albeit not necessarily first. Or better yet, have him eliminated near the middle of the season, to give him an average result.

A water challenge for the purpose of showing skin and titillating the audience. Now where have I heard that before? The question is, did you crib that bit from LTDI (which you were certainly welcome to do) or did you get it from another source (since it’s a common rationale, which is why I included it in the first place) or is it simply a case of great minds thinking alike?

When Kalino takes it all off, his nethers would be pixellated in the finished episode, but that doesn’t help anyone who’s in his presence. That’s as may be, I have one significant problem with the race back: I can’t visualize it. Unpowered vehicles such as toboggans need an external force to move them. That force is typically gravity, which means an inclined course. You don’t mention the course being on a hill, so I envision something akin to a giant water slide; but in that case, the toboggan would be significantly above street level for virtually the entire course, so I can’t fathom (a) how the taxi driver could get alongside the Eagles’ toboggan, or (b) how the Fireworks could have abandoned their toboggan in mid-course without falling to their Amusing Injuries. (I won’t say their deaths, because this isn’t that kind of story. Yet. Er, as far as I can tell. Depending on what Cynthia’s up to.)

Moreover, Rhonda’s description of the course as a “maze” suggests a lot of horizontal speed-sapping sections, and I can’t even imagine how that would work, not to mention the traffic lights a race on the streets would surely encounter. In short, I think the final race needs powered vehicles for the logistics to work. The Fireworks could still “trade up” by hiring the taxi, because the driver’s knowledge of the area would presumably be at least comparable to Aiden’s.

I must confess that I don’t like the idea of the winning team voting off a member of the losers, because it doesn’t make sense from a “maximize drama” standpoint. (Yes, I know something similar has been done in canon, but I didn’t like it there, either.) For maximum drama, I would expect the producers to prefer parity between the teams in order to keep the challenges interesting, whereas having the winners cull the losers tends to promote dominance by one team. Moreover, the team with more ratings-boosting internal conflict (as Seraphina noted in her speech) is the one Rhonda & co. are proposing to put at a competitive disadvantage. I really don’t think they thought this through.

That said, Bethany is being too hard on herself when she says she should have tried harder. She did everything that was asked of her, most notably winning her Labor; and given the structure of the challenge, it’s not clear what more she could have done. As for her family’s potential reaction if she is eliminated first, they must surely understand that it was out of her hands. Indeed, they should be proud that she was seen as the greatest threat.

On a related note, Bethany’s family is technically right that shot put isn’t a sport. Track and field is a sport, and shot put is an event within that sport. That’s as may be, professional track and field is big business in Europe (that was a plot point in my story, Legacy, as you may recall) complete with multimillion-dollar salaries, so perhaps that is where Bethany’s future lies.

Frannie’s reference to comic relief characters sounds at first blush like one of your trademark breaches of the fourth wall; but considering who and what Frannie is, she could just be leaning on it.

The gold flash drive was the best hidden, and Kalino stumbled upon it by accident, in a high-traffic area? I’d say Kalino is right to be skeptical of Rhonda’s claim, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Rhonda & co. intended for Kalino specifically to find it. Of course, hiding it so well that it’s not likely to be found would largely defeat its purpose. In any case, since Kalino already has the best “immunity idol”, whatever Rhonda & Co. choose to call it, I will be sorely disappointed if Kalino turns out to be a major antagonist. As I’ve explained elsewhere, I generally don’t like immunity idols in scripted stories because they are disproportionately used as a deus ex machina to keep the main antagonist in the game past their natural time.

And Bethany becomes that most pathetic of God’s creatures:  the “one and done” player in an elimination game. I can’t say I’m surprised. When the opposing team gets to cut one of your players in a game where most of the challenges are likely to be physical in some way, the jock becomes an obvious target. Bethany being the only Eagle to angst over the impending elimination therefore had the regrettable effect of telegraphing it. (This might have been prevented by having another logical target also play worrywart.)  Pascal’s willingness to betray an erstwhile (albeit currently useless) ally so quickly suggests that he is not to be trusted, which of course is no surprise because he’s the elimination game veteran who knows how these games are played.

A few flaws notwithstanding, this was a fun first challenge, designed to showcase a lot of people’s special talents and allow a lot of character interaction, since most of the players were on the sidelines at any given time. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:44, August 15, 2016 (UTC)

Honestly, I've gotten that response a lot from people on Seraphina. I feel I didn't do a good enough job showing her to be a cynic. I guess it just felt unrealistic to me for her to be so upfront, like Zipporah. I agree though, I don't think she hates people as much as she says or believes.

The clues were meant to be vague, so whoever figured out the speech could use it to their advantage. But yeah, it ended up being more or less even. I'd try to have some thinking involved though :p

Lucky for Ness people have amusing injuries or she'd be dead along time ago. That's also the reason I don't believe in doing medical evacuations; how can I believe someone's injuries are bad enough when everyone has at least a few life threatening injuries played for laughs (and there's usually medical attention present too).

D: Face Stuff. I miss Julie and Nellie too. They were actually plan to appear in some kind of Rid Race crossover (its why there having a FI currently) but I don't know if its still planned. You should see their bio on the blog (Twinning Project I think its called). I wrote it and it was so great to write them again xD

I mean it is a 'black' eye so it fits Zipporah's aesthetic.

Hehe, glad you could figure out what the clue implied. Was there any doubt Cynthia would win? Cynthia does remind me of the movie version of Wednesday! Cynthia has a sort of younger girl aspect that just makes her creepier in my opinion. Zipporah is very Mortica, not a very modern goth look. But I like the more elegant goth look personally, so that's why she has it.

As for the skin tone, it is partially because the image was different from the description, but also to capture her heritage better (her father is Middle Eastern). I think I like it more than the traditionally pale look of my goths (Barbie and Rosamond still exist I think).

If Diamonique applied herself, she'd probably be an amazing superhero. I suppose that is unrealistic, but then again Diamonique is rather unrealistic xD Pascal is just having a rough day all around.

There was never really any hope for Ness was there? Thirteen is the perfect number for Ness; for her sake though I hope its not her place.

xD I think the fizzle was suppose to be symbolic of their failure or something. I'd say Zipporah is very hipster. I feel like before hipster was a term, goths usually had their role or place. And being goth is to reject the mainstream (except goth is kind of mainstream now). Though we do have to question how good a goth Zipporah is...

Vance is right, and I think the team would agree Bethany was used best. And wow, I didn't even think of the comparison between Zeke and Vance, but I can see it. They both have a 'country' background too. True, insulting a girl before fighting one is a foregone conclusion.

That could be it actually; I wonder if Ness stopped eating it would she be okay? <3 That's awesome its in LTDI too. Great minds think alike.

Jackson needs to either get 11th, right in the middle (Finding the average of all the places was 11.5, so he can settle for 12). He could have a very UTR gameplay though; people might not even know he's in the finale.

I'd like to think its great minds thinking alike, but honestly I probably subconsciously I stole it from LTDI. LTDI is just too good for its own sake :p I'll need to add that in the Trivia.

I haven't really decided if the events in the chapters are the same as in the episode or more than that. I mean I feel its the later because they probably wouldn't spend so much time on Rhonda's failings...and we also heard her thoughts :/ We'll just say I'm censoring the reader's minds for them.

And know that you point it out...yeah the race doesn't make a whole lot of sense xD I imagine the last part is all down hill but the rest I cause I just saw them never losing traction... I've added a scene that kind of lampshades this, where Ignacio points it out and Rhonda improves a solution. I don't know if it fixes the logic problem but as someone once said "If we acknowledge it doesn't make sense then its fine!"

In hindsight the twist does ruin the affect, not helping that I feel I made the boot obvious. I will say I had the idea for a team to vote off another before TD:AS. The eliminations from here on will be team only. In story I'd say Rhonda thought having a big twist like this would be could for a finale. Part of the reason I did is what I was trying to subvert with eliminating Bethany. But I mean, not thinking things through is what Rhonda and co do best xD

Bethany is just one of those people who are very self-critical. I'd say that comes from her family. But you're right; the only thing she could maybe have done was better in the toboggan challenge but that was more of a loss due to cheap tactics than skill. I'd say her family is the type to be extremely critical, especially her father.

Yeah, I'm a bit off on the shot put thing xD I got the idea from an SNL skit that was having a Women's Shot Put Tournament, so the tournament was probably a joke itself I didn't get. I think its kind of funny now of the idea Bethany sees it as a separate sport and offended her family doesn't support her :p Bethany could go train under Eva as a coach, I imagine that'd go well. They could bond over being gone from TD too soon!

I believe Rhonda and co's idea behind the idol was trying to be 'hidden in plain sight'. They thought they were real clever... They didn't count on Kalino's comfort levels to detect it right away. In fact, I imagine its Toby and Jenny's job to alert Rhonda when flash drives are found. Which naturally means she has no idea Kalino has it; Toby's too lazy and Jenny finds it hilarious Rhonda keeps talking about how well its hidden.

I understand your concern with the flash drives, I think that deus ex machina is a big problem with immunity idols and such. My plan with the immunity flash drives is to use them for drama or humor and I have an overall plan for them. Hopefully that works out, or is at least better than usual.

Yeah, Bethany was super obvious. I tried to have little scenes with Hayden and Cynthia to make them see as possibilities, but in retrospect they didn't angst enough (well Cynthia probably doesn't angst...). I was trying to subvert the usual first out in my head; an Ezekiel or Staci. Or Collin, probably the idea of a basic early out in my mind. Unfortunately, I made it really obvious with a questionable twist. There's really no easy way to do a first out. At least I got a really good LTDI reference in there xD

I'm not saying Pascal is a bad guy, but I wouldn't touch him with a fifty foot pole. And overall I like the first challenge too. I think it sets up a lot of plots and characters along with showcasing the different contestants.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it Gideon! I enjoyed writing these chapters and I think Genesis gets better as it goes. I really appreciate you took the time to write these comments <3 I plan to return the favor! And I hope that you enjoy the rest of Genesis. --Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 21:50, September 6, 2016 (UTC)

I saw your hastily cobbled together fix for the team race, in response to my previous comments. It was ridiculous, unlikely to work, and perfect for our chronically disorganized tri-hosts. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 03:31, September 12, 2016 (UTC)

Scroll the Fourth

Did the gruesome book titles Melissa mentioned come with their room, or do they belong to her roommate? Either seems plausible, considering the hotel’s history and Cynthia’s behavior to this point. On a somewhat related note, I like your werewolf movie title. It sounds like something I might have come up with.

Lita winks at Griswold and he blushes. Should I be starting a ship tease count?

When Melissa asked if Ness was allergic to walnuts, my immediate thought was, “Of course, she is.” Sure enough …

Although the player intros described Lita as the resident Ms. Fanservice, Riley has plenty of fanservice power, too, since she’s not repulsive and apparently has little modesty. Speaking of Riley, I’m sensing a Lightning-esque verbal tic, i.e. substituting “bro” for anything that sounds reasonably similar. Riley says she likes freaky men, so she seems a good bet to either end up with Xidorn or at least show interest in him. Based on early interactions, a triangle featuring them and Seraphina also seems a distinct possibility.

Interesting host dynamic, with Rhonda as the idealist, Jenny as her pragmatic (or merely cynical) foil, and Toby pretty much along for the ride. Speaking of Jenny, I’m not sure what it is, but something about the references to her physical appearance makes me think of the de-gothed Crimson in RR.

Hm, dare I ask what’s in Cynthia’s trashbag? Oh, she’s just helping hand out the fruits of Melissa’s absurd baking spree. Perhaps she’s looking to fatten people up for the slaughter? Speaking of Melissa, I would think Cynthia’s ability to “hurt other living things” might put her off, especially since it’s certainly looking like that ability is paired with inclination, but whatever. Melissa and Cynthia seem like types who would want little to do with each other, so naturally they’re probably going to become friends. Melissa increasingly strikes me as an over the top caricature of Katie (an impression her portrait does nothing to discourage) much as Julie comes across as an over the top caricature of Izzy, who is largely an over the top caricature herself.

Tessa makes at least a token effort to be nice(r) in her scene with Xidorn, but eventually reverts to form as established in the first episode. She reminds me of Heather without the social skills, such as Heather’s were. As for Tessa’s reference to having been bullied, I’m not sure whether that’s her Freudian Excuse or whether she just playing the victim card. At this point, either seems plausible. Tessa’s backstory sounds broadly similar to Heather’s (based on the show’s pseudocanonical text bios) and it sounds like Tessa gained the lasting fame Heather sought, only to find it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. (By the by, that becomes a plot point in LTDI.)

Riley’s stunt with the peppers is at least the second with an Owenlike quality. Something tells me she’s going to be one of the main characters. Riley’s complaint about her body becoming “awkward” after puberty sounds like she would rather be the boy she was raised as. I’m reminded of a (noncanon) Star Trek novel where a transporter accident stuck several senior officers’ minds in each other’s bodies. Spock, in Uhura’s very curvy body, complains of having to cope with “a radically different and, to me, not especially efficient distribution of mass”.

Tinfoil strikes again, presumably. I wonder if he’s going to be shadowing Ness all summer?

Ah, the Awake-a-thon. Not one of my favorite episodes in canon, although I recognized its importance to developing the characters, since they didn’t have anything to do except talk to each other (which is why this type of challenge is best held early in the game). Rhonda’s “exact words” tricks concerning the challenge’s start time and ending conditions were technicalities worthy of Chris. As for the sedatives in the pre-challenge feast, where have I heard that before? In light of the deleted scene where Jenny and Toby were trying to play favorites, though, I am prepared to believe you arrived at the sedatives idea independently. Of course, even if you didn’t, and even if I had a way to stop you, you’d be welcome to any of my stories’ ideas you can use. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve cribbed each other’s ideas, and it’s not likely to be the last.

It wouldn’t be a Rhonda (the writer) story without someone breaking the Fourth Wall, but Rhonda (the character) does have a point: segregating the teams is indeed helpful to the readers, because the teams are still large and a text story doesn’t have the show’s visual cues to remind the audience of who is on which team.

Frannie and Diamonique standing on their hands to stay awake sounds a lot like the Lindsay/Beth headstanding scene in the original, and both versions set up dramatic scenes. In your version, it’s the revelation of Diamonique’s backstory. Speaking of things that sound familiar, I don’t remember the original source, but Pascal’s confessional rant about Amanda Pickelstein sounds a lot like the one you used to use in your signature.

It sounds like the Lita/Ignacio reconciliation has planted the seed for a Hot People alliance and/or ship. That sounds awfully familiar too, although this similarity to LTDI is presumably a coincidence or a case of great minds thinking alike.

Lemurs are generally nocturnal, so one would expect Ziba to be more active during the Awake-a-thon, not less. I guess s/he’s been with Frannie long enough to pick up her habits. Or perhaps Ziba ate some of the sedative-laced food? On a related note, when Frannie mentioned her family circus, my first thought was of the newspaper comic of that name.

Kalino’s reaction seems odd, and is certainly ambiguous, although it did remind me of the canon incident where Owen brings in the unconscious and possibly dying Noah, only for Noah to recover instantly when Chris names the Gophers the winners of the 20K run (for all the good it did them). Was Kalino faking being asleep, having decided to throw the challenge for some reason which I could not discern? Or does his falling asleep and waking up at the drop of a hat tie into his “slacker” archetype somehow? (I later got my answer in the chapter notes. Personally, I would have left the readers guessing or, more likely, broached the possibility in one of my talk page polls.)

I must admit I was mildly surprised, but by no means disappointed, when Aiden didn’t get voted off after his faux pas during the challenge. I do hope he’s not going to be a straw man, which has always been a distinct possibility because his patriotism is so over the top. As for the revelation that Melissa is Muslim, I suspect she is a “nominal” Muslim, much like the Christians who attend services mainly for social reasons or only attend on Christmas and Easter. It will be interesting to see whether you build on this or let it remain an informed attribute.

This chapter, like those before, was mainly about crystallizing the cast’s characterizations, with a challenge geared to that end. That made it seem like more happened than really did. Nothing at all wrong with that. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 03:31, September 12, 2016 (UTC)

Thank you for commenting so swiftly Gideon! 

I believe the books came with the room. I don't believe Cynthia has any interest in cooking, but there's a lot even I don't know about Cynthia... And thank you, I enjoy it too. I'm imagning you'll have to come up with some horror movie title for a certain challenge in LTDI's future.

xDD You might end up losing count. I've got a lot of ships that go on or that people have made, from long term, to crack to those that just pass in the night (and likely some sunken ships too). Given my own shipping nature it isn't too surprising, is it?

Melissa and Ness were just tempting fate with that allergy discussion. 

This is true! I actually think even though she's rather masculine, Riley is one of the more attractive females in this season. I didn't really think of Lightning, but she defitnely has a bro character tic. Its one of my favorite jokes and happens at least once every chapter (until I inveitably forget...). I usually try to have it refer to the situation or character too (such as Weston being called a 'Broadie'). See if you can find it :p

Interesting new ship. We'll see what happens (if anything) with those three love lives, or of any love triangles...

I didn't plan at first, but they did end up making that dynamic. Rhonda has to be idealistic to even contiune trying to make this show work. Toby is probably just thinking "This fic will probably be hiatused or cancelled too, so why try?" Thanks Toby D:<

It wasn't intentional, but I can see her looking similar to the degothed Crimson. She does have a redheaded ponytail, short and thinks she's cute as button. 

I mean I think it was just cupcakes in Cynthia's bag, but I wouldn't ask Cynthia just to be safe... Melissa sees the good in everyone, even chainsaw wielding sociopaths. Some might call that naivie or dangerous or natural selection taking its course, but Melissa is just a sweetheart. Total Drama is suppose to be about people who would never talk or be friends coming together, so I'd say its a safe bet they'll become friends. 

Melissa is like Katie! I didn't even realize it, but they're extremely similar. Melissa was going to be less over the top, but I feared she'd seem too similar to Zoey, and given the controversy with that character I took it to eleven with her. I think it works better for her character and for the comedy. 

Tessa tried...ish. Again, very spot on. Tessa is a genre unsavvy character I'd say. Her backstory could be both honestly, or one and the other depending on the situation. I don't know if I was trying to parallel Heather's backstory and Tessa's intentionally, but its entirely possible. I'm sure Tessa hasn't enjoyed her fame as much as she thought

(I honestly love that will be a plot point with Heather in LTDI. I think its a bit ironic given she dressed like Aubry Hepburn and how she vanished from TV after Island in Legacy. I'm guessing that'll be explored after the show offically ends?)

That was rather Owen-like of Riley... It's possible she'll be a main character, I'm not entriely sure. I've got eliminations mostly settled till the merge, which could go in a lot of directions. A lot of people have read a lot into Riley's comments and I feel a bit bad as it wasn't suppose to be so deep. xD I said it more as joke of all the fun things women get to experience with puberty. I find that Star Trek reference particularly funny, given in those new movies Spock and Uhura are a couple. 

Tinfoil is sort of terrorizing all of Washington D.C. at the moment. I'm sure Ness will see him frequently. 

I have a soft spot for the canon episode, though I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe just nostalgia. That being said I don't know if I'd do it again; it worked as you said for developing characters but it felt weird xD

Rhonda can be a threatening host on occasion, when she's not underminded. And did I not add to the trivia that the sedatives are from LTDI? I am now. Sorry Gideon, that did come from LTDI. LTDI is just too influencial a story. I do believe that's (so far) the last idea I stole from LTDI and didn't credit. I also should say that be a bit wary about the Trivia section, as spoilers for future chapters can be in previous chapters, explaining how they tied together. 

More fourth wall breaking <3 Yeah, teams are a bit of a struggle to remember starting out. Hopefully this helped space them out. 

I beginning to realize the problem with my trivia is that I don't always keep an updated list of the chapter's trivia as I write it. Because the headstand couldn't have not been conicedental. And Pascal's quote came from an old signature I had, a reference from a TV show (like most of my signatures...). I changed it a lot, and I think its one of my favorite lines. 

Now the Lita and Ignacio scene wasn't meant to parallel the Justin and Katie scene, but I do see the concidence. Hot People's Alliance xDDD That's an amazing idea, we'll have to read to find out what happens between Lita and Ignacio...

Ziba's picked up Frannie's schedule a bit, but its primarily the sedated food. I bet Frannie gets that a lot about the family circus. 

Kalino's behavior is meant to seem rather strange and be left up for intrepretation, but I guess having it mentioned in the trivia kind of ruins the effect. I might remove it...

Yup, Aiden survived! I don't plan on making Aiden a strawman and I hope he doesn't seem like one. Part of me tried to avoid that in the first chapter, when he admits America does have a troubled history. I do think I tried to be political at the story of this story...but realized I didn't really want to :] 

Yeah I fumbled a bit with Melissa. I'd say Melissa and her family's practice of Islam isn't as strict as most, given her lack of hijab, but she does follow some rules and traditions, and has a knowledge of the Quran. So somewhat nominal, but does practice prayer and have a connection with her faith. 

I had originally wanted to have Melissa reference a quote from the Quran sometime prior in the confessional...but I couldn't find a quote I liked that related. In hindsight, having a character of a religion you're not to familar with isn't always the best idea. I am considering adding something that implies it beforehand and wanting to make sure her religion is shown in future chapters. Ramadon is around the summertime, so I might try to reference that in the chapter. This chapter was more characterization and building, but they'll be more traditional type challenges.

Thanks again for commenting Gideon, and for leaving it so quickly. Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 21:09, September 13, 2016 (UTC)

The episode title for LTDI’s take on the slasher movie challenge will be “The Tale of the Escaped Psycho Killer With a Chainsaw and a Hook”. There will be at least one other horror-sounding title, “The Tale of the Damned”, but that’s actually Playa episode.

When I mentioned the possibility of a Hot People alliance/ship and the prospect reminding me of something in LTDI, I wasn’t referring to the Justin/Katie “romance novel” scene, but to the Justin/Lindsay storyline; but where Justin and Lindsay hooked up from mutual amazement at finding someone as hot/gorgeous as themselves, I could see Ignacio hooking up with Lita partly—even primarily—as wolfsbane against his overzealous admirers. (Whether that would actually work is a separate question ...)

You previously suggested that you’re likely to lift at least one more idea from LTDI, that being how I had each member of the victorious Eagles decide a teammate’s reward after the trust challenge.

Since you know specifically where you got the horse name, “Tinfoil”, that would make a good addition to the Trivia section. If you know the name of the TV show where you got the idea for Pascal’s confessional rant, that likewise sounds like good Trivia fodder. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:59, September 23, 2016 (UTC)

Scroll the Fifth

The chapter opens with a ship tease, or at least an unrequited crush tease. Why am I not surprised? Naturally, Pascal merely accepts Ness’ compliment as his due, most likely because he’s become jaded to it. Ness probably isn’t his type, anyway. Speaking of Pascal, I guess he can’t hold his caffeine. Could this be a sign that perhaps the veteran reality show star isn’t all he’s cracked up to be? Or is it just a throwaway gag, albeit an amusing one?

Griswold’s complaint about ignorance of flirting customs reminds me of Jasmine’s confessional in Pahkitew when she was getting fed up with Shawn’s seemingly schizophrenic attitude toward her. She complained, “If this is how Canadian boys flirt, I’d hate to see how they propose!”

Easton has a point when he disinvites his brother. Although some of Weston’s teammates might understand if he spent most of his time with his brother’s team, some probably would not. Depending on how strategically oriented Weston’s fellow Eagles were, they might suspect that Weston was already looking forward to the merge and trying to forge inter-team alliances (more strategic) or that Weston’s loyalty to his brother was simply greater than his loyalty to his team (less strategic).

How long had Frannie known Diamonique? They must have really hit it off if Frannie is taking someone else’s elimination this hard this early in the game.

Aiden says he doesn’t check out every girl, but I’d be surprised if that was actually true. He’s a teenage boy, after all, and the male of the species is more visually oriented than the female, not to mention more polygamous. (Women, by contrast, are more tactilely oriented, i.e. they respond to touch.) I once read about an experiment involving men and women speed dating. (If you’re not familiar with the concept, speed dating involves groups of men and women who have a series of one-on-one conversations lasting a fixed number of minutes, and afterward tell the moderator/host/whatever which men/women they are interested in continued contact with. If both sides of a pair desire additional contact with each other, then phone numbers are exchanged.) The researchers discovered that the men, unlike the women, had minimum requirements for physical attractiveness and selected nearly all women who met that threshold.

Edited or no, it was bad form for Easton to say his brother is “not all together upstairs” unless he genuinely believes it; and if he does, then let the chips fall where they may. On a related note, if Weston chooses to share what he has learned with anyone else, which seems entirely likely, and if that gets back to Easton, then the hosts’ little scheme to goose ratings could easily backfire, for the same reason contestants aren’t allowed to eavesdrop on confessionals: it could discourage people from saying what they think.

Vance only got several flags because he crashed into them? Hey, whatever works. That’s pretty much the Total Drama creed. What matters is that Vance got the flags.

In the context of a full tummy, “sunshine tickles” sounds like the name of a confection. Cue Melissa serving up a plate of Sunshine Tickles cookies.

Concerning the volleyball minigame: I don’t know if the same unwritten rule applies when serving, but if a spike hits a player in the face, it’s called a “six pack” because, under beach volleyball etiquette, the player struck must give the spiker a six-pack of their favorite beverage.

Weren’t pompadours mainly a ‘50s thing? Griswold has a hairstyle his greaser grandfather might have worn. If Griswold’s father was a jock like him, though, he would probably have worn a flattop. From the same scene, I initially thought Weston threw the ball at Easton’s head because he was specifically pissed at his brother; but also throwing it at Griswold’s head suggests that Weston is just pissed at the world.

In the hockey subchallenge, Frannie and Tessa both sound like excellent choices for attacker (assuming they knew how to ice skate) because they are both clearly well-coordinated. My money was on Frannie, though, because of who the goalies were: Xidorn, who is shaping up as a major character, vs. Jim … er, Jack … er, Jerry, who is clearly fodder. Speaking of whom, Seraphina thought Jean-Pierre’s, er, Jasper’s name was Julie? Leaving aside the gender bending, do I detect a WTH reference? (If so, that’s good Trivia fodder, especially since Julie is pretty much Joey’s, er, Jasper’s exact opposite in terms of memorability.) Or did you just run out of boys’ names? Not long after, Jimbo breaks form and reveals a noteworthy trait: He either doesn’t get the joke or is too surly to play along.

I have to agree with Vance. Although things like ice dancing and rhythmic gymnastics have blurred the distinction, dancing isn’t a sport, it’s a performing art. Just because an activity is physically demanding and can be made the subject of competition doesn’t make it a sport, and calling such things “sports” redefines the term so broadly as to make it effectively meaningless. Incidentally, Rhonda’s response illustrates why my trust in Wikipedia is limited. That’s as may be, Jenny and Toby’s commentary on the interpretive dances seems like a sort of Rorschach test, revealing more about the speakers than the subject. I presume that was your intent. Actually, the grammatically confusing description aside, Ness’ dancing mishap sounds like a better fit for the Cuban Missile Crisis, and possibly the Star Wars prequel trilogy as well.

Cynthia pulling out her knife at the moment she did makes it sound like she meant to threaten Aiden and/or protect Melissa. Is that what you meant, or did you just mean to show Cynthia being Cynthia? On a related note, Aiden and Melissa’s reconciliation has my shipping sense tingling, all the more so because Melissa also has her share of stereotypical American traits, her religion notwithstanding.

The extinguisher blast hits everything but what it’s supposed to? Definitely Star Wars prequel trilogy. Or original trilogy, for that matter. Seriously, the chaos and fire is obviously meant to represent the destruction of the second Death Star and the ensuing holocaust that wiped out pretty much all multicellular life on the forest moon.

Kudos on the roller derby idea. It’s completely fitting for a Total Drama challenge, and was probably the highlight of this chapter for me. Speaking of which, Lita has struck me from the very beginning as basically a hotter version of Leshawna, and the roller derby challenge really emphasizes the resemblance. As for the “edgy” music, in light of how budget conscious Total Drama is depicted as being both in TDG and in canon, I was expecting “the edgiest music [they] have the rights to” or could afford to be something in the public domain, i.e. costing nothing. Just think, they could have used the “Dies Irae” from Mozart’s Requiem, which has the advantage of appearing in a canon episode (when the island sinks at the end of All-Stars), the “Dies Irae” from Verdi’s Requiem, which Chris uses in LTDI on days with life-threatening challenges, or even “Hall of the Mountain King” from Peer Gynt, which Mal liked to whistle in All-Stars. But, I guess those would have made too much sense for the off the wall absurdity that makes your stories what they are.

It seems to me that Pascal’s “turbo boost” plan in the roller derby would work better if the skater to be boosted was on the outside (a la “crack the whip”) rather than in the middle, not that it would have helped in light of how matters turned out. Kalino’s gambit would probably be considered foul play in most other challenges; but in the roller derby, he was simply doing what the rules encouraged.

For someone who’s supposed to be experienced and genre savvy, Pascal sometimes seems as genre blind as Tessa. No, Pascal, of course it won’t be hard at all to keep one of the least popular players in the game from the third elimination all the way to the end. Since the whole thing is clearly played for laughs, Pascal’s scheme has “crash and burn” written all over it.

In the “whom to boot” discussion, the joke of nobody being able to remember Jerd, er, Jackson’s name reaches its climax. However you may have intended it, the joke comes across as basically a perspective flip of Lindsay’s canonical name butchery, although the reason behind it is different.

Adding insult to injury for the departing Jerry, er, Jasper, “Jocasta” isn’t even a boy’s name. Tessa’s pushiness at the ceremony doesn’t bode well for her ability or willingness to play nice with her teammates; and while all the Fireworks knew who was going home, that doesn’t mean the viewing audience did; so now Tessa’s annoyed the hosts as well as her teammates. She seems the early favorite to go home the next time the Fireworks lose, which means some contrivance will probably prevent it. As for Jigglypuff, or whatever his name was, I imagine he’ll be quickly forgotten.

All in all, a solid, entertaining chapter. As with the Labors challenge, the sports challenge facilitated character interaction because most of the players were on the sidelines most of the time; but in this case, the challenge itself seemed to take center stage in a way the Labors challenge didn’t, with the interpersonal dramas (manufactured and otherwise) clearly the “B” story. That makes sense, now that the basic characterizations have been established. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 19:30, October 7, 2016 (UTC)

Hehehe, you shouldn't be. Except a lot more ship teases in the coming chapters. The idea of it is a bit based on a few people I know who get a little loopy off soda, and using soda as a 'kid-friendly' equivalent of alcohol as its sometimes used in shows, which actually reminded me of another trope for the page. As for what it means about Pascal, we'll just have to see where this story takes him...

That confessional sounds a lot like Griswold haha. 

I agree, I think that's Easton logical about it. Weston doesn't really realize that, and maybe Easton should've explained that, but I think he was right in this encounter. How you describe it actually reminds me of a similar happenstance in an old Sprink story, where a twin was voted off for a similar reason. Not that I was trying to reference that story, but uh...

Frannie is someone who gets really close to someone and cares for her; I think they particularly connected after both feeling like they were on the bottom. But it was a rather quick bond.

Aiden blushing was a bit meant to be interpreted as he could be lying, because I could see that given he his a teenage male, and your evidence supports that idea. There might be expectations to that of course, and I like to think that a guy doesn't check out every single female he sees but I suppose I don't naturally have an exact understanding of this subject haha. Perhaps I should reword that question...

Yeah, in hindsight that doesn't sound like the nicest thing to say. He wants to avoid saying ditzy but that expression carries some other implications. This scheme could easily backfire. Although a poorly thought out plan is not unsurprising coming from these hosts haha. It could prevent them from revealing their real thoughts, but it might not (which exactly reminds me of the occasions Chris has revealed the confessionals, albeit he hasn't edited them to fit his agenda...yet). 

That is so true haha; how many wins have happened in Total Drama due to unusual methods or luck (and loses for that matter). A win is a win. 

Oh my gosh, sunshine tickles do! I feel have to find a way for her to make sunshine tickle cookies, which sound as tasty as they sound adorable. 

Griswold would probably buy Weston a six pack. I didn't plan on Gris having a pompadour when Reddy drew the image, but I actually really like it for the pompadour jokes I can make now. I could totally see Griswold being descended from a greaser, maybe one from those teen beach movies. I know its used as a trope a lot in anime for Japanese thugs. Weston is pretty mad, but I feel a bit of his rage at Griswold might be because he's jealous of their friendship...

Frannie and Tessa are actually pretty skilled, so it was a good match up...except for Tessa not having a goalie. I don't believe Seraphina's comment was intentionally a reference to Julie, but it possibly could've been. I now have a theory that Julie and Jenson are related haha. The female names are more just taking the joke more over the top (though I do try not to use names more than once, and may steal some of these for the finale when Jorgen appears again). 

That's very true, I'm not sure if I see dancing as a sport. Its similar to argument of video games being a sport; they are not. The answers are actually a bit telling to the two co-hosts mindset, especially in comparison. That was partially my intent, along with just making for a funny joke. Haha, Ness' performance did match their descriptions rather well (and that scene probably needs a little rewriting). Though, I could see what they might have say if Ignacio wasn't exposed...

"A wonderful metaphor for Rhonda's career," Toby said.

"Or just her life in general," Jenny agreed. 

I think that was Cynthia being protective of Melissa and wary of Aiden, but I mean she always has knives. Who can say with Cynthia? I mean the ship tease was there from the start. I think they fit as a birds of feather and an opposites attract type of couple. 

Hahahahaha, it is the second death star! I always worried for what happened to those poor Ewoks, even if they did end up being rather forced marketing (looking at you Ewok Ice Skating show). 

Thank you! I've always loved the idea of roller derby, so I was glad I got to have a challenge about it. I could see using it again in the future, possibly as a longer challenge. Yeah, Lita is very Leshawna like in this challenge. 

As for the music, you bring up a good point. All those songs would've worked better, but as you said that would have made sense. Not to mention it was Jenny and Toby who chose it, so naturally the music was doomed from the start (which brings into question why Rhonda even trusted them with this job). 

Ooh, I think I messed up a bit on that plan; the idea for it came from a friend's suggestion based on a Phineas and Ferb episode (which I have added to the trivia section). I believe the person may have been at the end, as it was called crack the whip. I'm not sure how much of a stickler Rhonda is for the rules, probably similar to Chris in allowing loopholes or excusing cheating if it benefits the show in some way (she certainly didn't have an issue with the banana peel if she saw it).

You think Pascal would know better huh? Then again, I've seen it in other fics where the Heather wannabe manages to survive vote after vote, so maybe he's on to something. I didn't consider it, but it is a sort of reverse Lindsay perspective (Lindsay's inability to remember names is still one of my fave TD jokes and perhaps one of the biggest crimes of All Stars is that she wasn't given the chance to try and fail to learn everyone's names). 

Tessa is just pushy in general. Is there anyone she hasn't offended or rubbed the wrong way? Tessa certainly is pushing the bounds, but there must be someway to save her...right? (Or maybe hopefully not). 

Jigglypuff takes the cake for greatest name confusion xD I will credit you in the Trivia section when I inevitably steal that for the future. At least we can always remember the good times we had with him like...uh...hmm...who were we talking about again?

Thank you Gideon! I agree with you and I hadn't realized it but that is very true with the challenge at center stage, which might be why I feel this chapter works well and feels most like an actual TD episode. Thanks for the comment, it made my day! Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 05:00, October 11, 2016 (UTC)

Scroll the Sixth

“Seraphina … Seraphina … Don’t live life alone … Don’t die like I died! Seraphina … the shipping gods must be appeased …” Seraphina contemplates a tarot card called The Devil, and then Tessa speaks. If you’re going by what the cards look like they should mean, as opposed to what they actually mean, who else in this game could be associated with the Devil?

Seraphina’s family is Jewish? Given her interest in tarot and related things, I would have expected her to say they were Roma or somesuch, since the Roma (Gypsies) were also a persecuted group and Seraphina is a better fit for Roma stereotypes.

Shoes for dogs’ feet? Reminds me of a bit from The Call of the Wild, where Francois (I think, it might have been Perrault) made moccasins for Buck to ease his feet’s acclimation to the trail.

When Frannie and Kalino enter with their “disguises”, do you mean Kalino is naked except for his wig? If so, I would expect stronger reactions from Aiden, Hayden and especially Melissa.

Aiden’s line about not hating Canadians seems to me a bit contrived. To the best of my knowledge, Canadians are not a common target of hatred by Americans. Ironically, the Canadian cartoons Frannie mentions are widely disdained in the U.S., not least for their cheap Flash animation. On a related note, with most fics, Frannie would describe Total Drama as a Canadian reality show or a Canadian elimination game show. Frannie calls it a Canadian cartoon because this is a Rhonda fic, and it’s virtually a law of nature that Rhonda fics must break the Fourth Wall.

The name “Seraphina” has four syllables, which is simply too many to survive intact for any length of time. I expect it won’t be overlong before her friends, and perhaps her enemies, start devising nicknames or other contractions. “Sera” is an obvious possibility for her friends.

The lightning strike blowing up the fallen gargoyle is a very cartoonish touch. Nothing wrong with that in a comic story, certainly, but it was worth mentioning. And while Lita might have been killed, I’m sure Ness would merely have been injured, because that’s what she does. Speaking of whom, comically exaggerated misfortune is Ness’ shtick, so naturally she couldn’t have an apparent love interest use her in anything resembling a normal way. It makes me want to give the poor girl a hug, but trying to do so would undoubtedly leave her with some kind of bodily injury. A cracked rib, perhaps.

Weston and Cynthia? I ship it, but I suspect Cynthia would eat the likes of Weston for lunch. Possibly literally. As for her dead cat, how high does it bounce? (That’s a stock market joke.)

It’s hardly surprising that there’s been no pattern to Seraphina’s crushes. She probably hasn’t had enough for a pattern to emerge. Something tells me her rant against labels is a dig at their pervasive use in fics such as this.

Jenny’s challenge, “[S]o we’re not good enough for you?” left her wide open for one of the players to tell her they’re not. Where are the snarkers when you need them?

Pascal tries to set up Seraphina, only for her to be quickly rescued. I sense you’re positioning Pascal as a faux antagonist, the butt of a developing running gag where the universe conspires to negate pretty much every clever scheme he comes up with. (And some of his schemes are clever, but they suffer from poor execution.) Sera’s quick rescue could also explain why her “spider-sense”, if you will, didn’t warn her: because she was never in any real danger. On a related note, if Pascal was as smart and genre savvy as he thinks he is, he should have recognized that Griswold had a point: The Fireworks have nothing to gain by withholding the Eagles’ PDA, because the challenge can’t start without it. Better to make nice with others when there’s no harm to himself in doing so, because that increases the likelihood of him being seen as innocent when he needs to be underhanded.

Pascal facetiously asks for death, and he promptly gets snatched. Be careful what you wish for, Pascal. His abduction by the apparently prehensile scorpionesque tail (what a concept!) reminds me of the scene in “I See London” where the evil and seemingly unstoppable Alejandro gets caught before the challenge even officially starts.

Xidorn’s bizarre “Holy X” line reminds me of Robin’s similar gimmick in the 1960s Batman series. Xidorn wants autograph from an animatronic? Something tells me their controls aren’t fine enough to enable writing, although if the tails are equipped with stingers, I suppose that could make a passable pen.

Melissa’s ambivalence about “hurting” the animatronic aliens sounds like something Ella would say. Indeed, I hadn’t thought of it before, but upon reflection, Melissa seems a lot like Ella without the singing talent or the questionable grasp of reality.

Um, that tanker Cynthia took out wasn’t remotely controlled, was it? Granted, casually sending an unsuspecting truck driver to a fiery death would be consistent with what we know of Cynthia, but poor “friend to all things living and otherwise” Melissa should be completely freaking out when/if she realizes what has happened. Yeah, I know, I’m overthinking a scene that’s obviously built on Rule of Cool and/or Rule of Funny.

Cynthia bites off some invaders’ hands. Despite their having metal skeletons. As if this girl wasn’t frightening enough… On a related note, Weston definitely has a dark side, if he can fall for Cynthia under the circumstances in which he apparently did.

Xidorn’s line before he gets snagged is a Jurassic Park reference, I presume? And “Sweet T” for Tessa’s nickname? More like Ice T, but that name is taken.

Lita’s breakdown during her quarrel with Tessa came out of nowhere. I can only assume it’s foreshadowing something, if only an explanation.

I don’t recall if I’ve mentioned this before, but the cups are implied to be full of presumably hot coffee, and the ceremony host is tossing them? That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. A related question: did Seraphina catch Ness’ cup because Ness is too injured to do so herself, or because Sera is trying to prevent such injury?

Kalino, who has perhaps shown his true colors by betraying Tessa (or perhaps not, since nobody really likes Tessa and even Riley seems to view her as a reclamation project) comments that the flash drives are easy to find. Well, of course they are, because the producers want them to be found and potentially used. If nobody can find them, that would presumably defeat the purpose of having them.

Speaking of Riley and Tessa, their last scene is presumably meant to show that there’s hope for Tessa, which there should be. She never really seemed as conflicted and complex as her bio suggested, instead coming across as merely unpleasant and antisocial—much more so than the allegedly antisocial Seraphina or even Zipporah. The only surprising thing about Tessa’s elimination is that her admittedly brilliant scheme to stave it off didn’t work; but as Kalino noted, even if he had done as she asked, it would merely have been delaying the inevitable. She’s well gone.

Another excellent chapter, even if I am more than a little leery about Kalino, who seems to be emerging as a stealth antagonist, acquiring multiple immunity tokens. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 21:54, December 2, 2016 (UTC)

Yay! Thanks for commenting Gideon, I was excited to see what you'd have to say about this one, since a lot of people liked it and I was not disappointed. 

Haha, that line is pretty accurate. I remember you sharing it with me on chat, and it still stands. Its also a bit about her needing to make friends too...but we know whose writing this so its mostly ships. I have a little book that explores symbols, and tarot cards have a whole section. While some of her readings are pretty straightforward, this one can be interpreted a lot of different ways; was it Tessa or maybe the challenge...or the hotel? The card itself can represent temptation or being trapped or bond, which maybe applies to Seraphina...or maybe I just wanted more Devil imagery xD

Yeah, idk why she ended up being Jewish, she just felt Jewish to me. I'm not sure if she is very religious, but she at least grew up in a Jewish household. It's mentioned a bit more in the next chapter. I guess she would seem more Roma, maybe a little heritage on her dad's side. 

I never actually thought about it, but would it be better for dog's feet to have shoes? I can't remember where I got the idea from it, though I'm sure its somewhere. In any case, its the kind of charity that Melissa just can't not help (aka all the charities). 

The American/Canadian joke is an exagerration, mostly based on me and Zac's jokes on which is better. And yup; I mean Frannie has purple hair, she doesn't really have a choice in breaking the fourth wall or not. 

I guess perhaps they've just become use to Frannie and Kalino's shennigans. And Melissa is probably very nice about it; "Being nude is part of who Kalino is. I'm proud he's comfortable with himself." or something like that. 

You bring a good point, I might actually need for her friends to start reffering to her as Sera. It was rather cartoonish; sometimes I feel like I shift between how realistic and comedic this story is.

Hehehe, Ness probably would've survived. I actually had at one point planned for a character like her to actually have a serious injury that cripped her...but that was way too dark. And yeah, I feel awful for Ness...even though I kinda laugh at what happened to her. She's like a mix of a Woobie and a Chewtoy. 

Hahaha, this might be one of those ship that are dangerous to ship...but you can't not ship it. I'd be a little worried about Weston for sure though. And I'm not sure if Cynthia found that cat dead or alive, but if she stabbed it enough I don't know if it'd have a lot of bounce. 

Seraphina's rant against labels wasn't specifically against fic's use of labels, but more a problem I've found when using labels to describe yourself and the kind of theme of the story, going against expectations. I am actually very picky about labels for characters in fic, which in most cases seem like an afterthought. It was a bit of a response to how people treated Seraphina based on her label too; a few readers were expecting Seraphina to be like a less hippie Dawn. 

Ooh you're right! Seraphina is sort of suppose to be the snarker of the story (not to mention Zipporah could've said something). Perhaps I might add a line back in there...

Hmm, you might be on to something with Pascal...we'll have to see. He's messed a bit, but he did successfully eliminate Bethany (kinda) and Jasper. And yeah, really wasn't the smartest move to hide it on Pascal's part. Or tempting fate like that. I'm not sure if I based on the Jack The Ripper bit from TDWT, though I could see myself doing so subconciously. 

Xidorn's line was probably a Robin reference I probably forget to mention in the Trivia section. Xidorn is a dork, so he probably doesn't realize that. Although those tails are pretty useful, so who knows. 

Melissa is very Ella like, which might be a result of my push for Melissa to be overlysweet, which puts her right in princess parody territory. I'm not sure if intentionally did, but there are a lot of comparisons to Ella and Melissa in the future...

Let's assume that that the driver made it out alive...maybe I'll add a line where Melissa acknowledges that, similar to the Jersey bomb incident in WTH?

Cynthia is a force to be reckoned with; thank goodness she is fictional (as far as I know). Hahaha, Weston is either incredibly evil or just incredibly unaware to fall for Cynthia. Yup, a jurassic park reference from Xidorn. Ice T is way better for Tessa, though Riley's probably too nice. Even Unsweet T works more. 

Lita's breakdown was rather uncalled for, and I think I probably shouldn't have, but definetely foreshadowing. Oh yeah, those cups are full. I'm surprised an incident hasn't happened, but Rhonda might just be a horrible throw. Sera was catching it for Ness in hopes of helping her, as Ness failed to catch it last time. 

Kalino...well he has a purpose and an intention behind his creation. True, I don't think Rhonda intended for them to be this easy, but she does want them found.

As for Tessa, I actually really enjoyed writing her this chapter, mostly for her and Riley. It was defintely to hint that she could be redeemed. As you've probably found reading the trivia, Tessa was based off other faux Heathers in fics, since its natural that she gets ousted rather easily. I can't say if we'll see her again or not, at least before the finale. 

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter Gideon! You may have some cause to be leery of Kalino...we'll just have to wait and see what happens with him. Though I don't think Rhonda said it specifically, the team drives are meant to be only used during the team phase, whether that eases or unnerves you. But nonetheless I appreicate the comment, thank you for reading! Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 23:37, December 4, 2016 (UTC)

Scroll the Seventh

Now that you’re back, it’s time to get back to business.

Although Cynthia could have been more polite about turning Weston down, she doesn’t seem like the type who would be into romcoms, and she likewise seems (so far, anyway) to have little interest in social niceties, so the only surprise about her reaction what that she showed as much energy as she did.

Kalino and Frannie’s confessional and accompanying flashback provides a “no fourth wall” scene and over-the-top absurdity: two of the three elements that broadcast regulations require of a Rhonda story.

The harbor, er, breakfast scene provides the third required element of a Shipmaster Rhonda story. Ness making eyes at Pascal, Griswold and Ignacio making eyes at Lita, Seraphina making eyes at Xidorn … the fleet is massing. Frannie and Kalino also seem to be getting pretty cozy in their own way. And then there’s Weston and Cynthia…

Zipporah’s poem doesn’t scan, but I’m guessing she doesn’t care about things as mainstream as scansion.

Weston gets the door slammed in his face again. I sense a running gag in the offing. It doesn’t help Weston’s cause that he’s clearly trying too hard.

In the scene where Frannie keeps yelling “bear”, I was half-expecting an actual bear to appear, despite the urban setting. This is Total Drama, after all.

Seriously, is Cynthia based on Wednesday Addams? The word association scene was pretty convincing.

The third time’s a charm, as Weston finally finds a dating activity that appeals to Cynthia; but I’m having a hard time visualizing how she could simultaneously slam the door in his face (again) and grab his arm.

It’s just as well that Cynthia can get off on smashing non-animal things, but I’m not really sure why she would. Her characterization to this point has suggested that she’s morbid, not pointlessly destructive. Now, if Weston had suggested using the watermelons for something like knife throwing practice, that would have fit Cynthia to a T from what we know of her. Weston presumably doesn’t know how to throw knives, but I’m sure Cynthia would be happy to teach him. As for Cynthia being a good listener, that makes sense, since she doesn’t talk much and doesn’t appear particularly distractible.

Melissa goes on yet another baking spree for yet another offbeat charity. I must confess I would not like to hear a chorus of deaf people, because without being able to hear, they can’t modulate their voices properly. (The “cell phone yell” has a similar cause.) People who are deaf from birth can’t speak at all, because they have no way to learn how to form words.

As Aiden is probably learning from Melissa, there are actually a fair number of similarities between Islam and Christianity, although Islam actually has more in common with Judaism. (These are the three Abrahamic religions, believing in the same god but believing different things about him.) Islam and Judaism both hold that Jesus was not divine, although Islam counts him among the great prophets; and both Muslims and Jews believe in a god of justice, as opposed to the Christian god of universal love.

Some of the eating challenge dishes actually sound like they’d be pretty tasty. (The black licorice isn’t one of them.) Most bear hunters eat the meat, and I’ve heard it tastes rather like pork—and like pork not farmed under modern practices, must be cooked thoroughly because it’s likely to contain the trichinosis worm. I’ve actually eaten rattlesnake (tastes like chicken, obviously) and alligator (served with a black bean sauce at a Chinese restaurant, it tasted like teriyaki beef, of all things). I’ve never had Rocky Mountain oysters, although they’re readily available in my region. Perhaps I’ll have to try them at the Colorado Rockies game I’m going to next month, since the concession stands at Coors Field carry them. In sum, the challenge is difficult more because it’s a race than because any of the foods are particularly hard to stomach.

Scorpions are venomous (i.e. inject venom), not poisonous (i.e. flesh unsafe to eat because it’s toxic), and Zipporah’s error is a common one. Her lament about the wrongness of turning “beautiful” scorpions into sweets reminded me of how Crimson felt she had to release the bats in a similar Ridonculous Race eating challenge because she considers them “the most beautiful creatures in the world”.

Weston is still trying too hard with his Lady and the Tramp reenactment, but he bleeds a lot, so it’s probably all good as far as Cynthia is concerned. Given the comic nature of this story, it does make me wonder if we’re going to see the “overdrawn at the blood bank” trope at some point. As it is, we may have a mild example of “high-pressure blood”.

Although the challenge had a good deal of character interaction, this was clearly an episode where the gameplay took a back seat to the shipbuilding, not unlike TDI’s boot camp episode. Indeed, the challenge seemed almost incidental. Three separate couples were established or seem about to be. Of these, Aiden and Melissa would seem to be the most compatible, although Melissa does seem like she might be prone to “smother love”. As for Weston and Cynthia, Cynthia doesn’t show a lot of emotion, so Weston would seem to have his work “cut” out for him.

This was another chapter where more seemed to happen than actually did, because the chapter was all about character interactions. As such, it was a good chapter to start with following my long reading/reviewing hiatus. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 06:17, June 22, 2017 (UTC)

Yay! I always love to hear your thoughts Gideon, always an interesting perspective and giving me tons of ideas!

Cynthia is not one for subtly. She's direct as can be...not that Weston's taking a hint. There has been a lack of fourth wall jokes, which I hope to remedy in the future. Though given Julie isn't competing, its hard as a lot of the competitors aren't as fourth-wall aware. Hopefully Frannie can live up to her predecessor. 

Hahahaha! The fleet is massing is the perfect way to describe this scene. I've been developing a few ships, and trying to hint at a few more coming, but its time we get these ships out to see! In hindsight, maybe there were too many ships, I might try for less in future stories (assuming I get there). But for now, I hope you have a life jacket! 

Zipporah probably doesn't carry for scansion, probably thinks she's being 'subversive'. 

I should have had a bear run haha! Total Drama has a special connection with bears, and I think one was released in the first challenge...

Cynthia might've been subconsciously inspired by Wednesday Addams. I think Mandy from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy was an inspiration for the initial version for the character, who was more angry. I'm a big Addams family fan, though more familiar with the original show where Wednesday was more like a typical little girl. But remembering the movies, I could see the comparisons between her and Cynthia...

I think Weston just hadn't even processed Cynthia was pulling him along, so he was facing the door as she shut it. Or she can teleport, which might be a possiblity... Cynthia can enjoy destruction, and I'm sure she's visualing something other than watermelons. 

Melissa just can't refuse someone in need, especially if the word 'charity' is involved. They would probably not sing great, but given Melissa's enthuasim and optimism, who knows? They may sound like an angelic choir. 

Yeah, I wouldn't mind eating a few of the dishes from the eating challenge, espeically the different meats. Kind of like the meatballs in LTDI, it was more to psyche out the competitors who could think its unsual than actually be gross tasting. Personally, I'd try them. I've always told myself if I went to any other countries, I would try to eat found that we would think of as exotic or weird, but are quite common place. 

The most exotic meats I have had are frog legs (which tasted like chicken and I got a craving for haha) and crawfish, which isn't that exotic and was basically slightly taster shrimp. I have never had rattlesnake, but I'm interested in trying it. If you have Rocky Mountain Oysters, please tell me if they were good haha. 

Whoops, well Zipporah probably is a fake scorpion lover anyway (she couldn't even name one of their singles I bet). I swear I thought of Zipporah before the Goths, ...although maybe I'm inspired by them and not even realizing it. I won't lie, they're probably at the top of my rankings (with a certain French Canadian team). 

You might be on to something with the blood...Weston may have some high pressure blood, I'll have to see if I can play up for a whole blood bank (That'd probably really win over Cynthia).

Yeah, this was more of a backseat to bigger plots that were being set in motion, specifically couples. I don't really write in arcs, but I could see this chapter kind of a new start in arcs. We've gotten rid of our 'starter villian' per say, have had both teams lose an equal amount of challenges, so we're ready to kick off some ships haha. Its like you said, it wouldn't be a Rhonda story without it! If I remember right when I was writing this, I wanted to pick up some plots (read: ships) so I spend a lot of time focusing on that. Time will tell if those ships are going to face rough seas or smooth sailing... 

Thanks again for commenting Gideon! I'm glad to see more reviews. I'm excited to see what you think of the next couple chapters, but no rush! (I also am looking forward to even more LTDI haha. I got to know who's going home first at the merge...). Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 04:03, June 26, 2017 (UTC)

Scroll the Eighth

After far too many delays, I’ve finally finished my reread of Chapter 8.

The new 2:00 a.m. timeslot reminds me of an anecdote I heard years ago. Gwen DeMarco, from the Canadian—yes, that’s a tie-in, too!—sci-fi series, GalaxyQuest (best known for the feature film of the same name) spoke at a local sci-fi/fantasy convention some 15 years ago, and shared a lot of “war stories”. One of these was that when GalaxyQuest, which was basically a Star Trek clone, was offered for syndication, no station in any of the 30 largest U.S. markets picked it up. DeMarco said, in pertinent part, “So if you lived in Pocatello, Idaho and were willing to stay up till 2:30 in the morning, you could have been a GalaxyQuest fan, too!”

Toby’s attitude as he tries to comfort the distraught Rhonda suggests that either he’s uncomfortable with such gestures in general, or he thinks Rhonda has cooties. The former is certainly plausible; but given Rhonda’s chew toy role and the nature of the tri-hosts’ relationship, my money’s on the latter.

So, Lita and Griswold are now officially a thing. Also official: Seraphina is definitely hot for Xidorn.

Zipporah’s elimination has caught Pascal by surprise because, although he is supposed to be genre-savvy thanks to a good deal of reality TV experience, his expectations seem to be based on scripted stories such as Total Drama and its fanfics. (Never mind that Gwen was eliminated at about this point in TDA—she was pretty much Goth in name only by that point.) This sounds almost, but not quite, like a subtle breach of the Fourth Wall.

Frannie suspects Melissa and/or Cynthia of blindsiding Diamonique, but not the real culprit. Of the two, Cynthia would be the more likely suspect because her quasi-emotionless nature would seemingly make ruthless calculation second nature to her. Kalino, for his part, is getting more antagonisty by the chapter. His only apparent regret for his double dealing is that it hurt Frannie.

The unnamed twin girls (presumably either locals or fans of the show) turn on a dime from anger toward the philandering Vance to desire for Ignacio. “Why does this always happen to me?” Iggy asks. Because you’re reluctant and absurdly hot, silly. Speaking of the girls, I could see that scene working on the canon show with any of several boys in Vance’s role, Amy and Samey as the girls (if Samey wasn’t still too much of a doormat to object) and Justin or possibly Alejandro in Ignacio’s role. There’s already precedent in pseudo-twins Katie and Sadie’s pursuit of the reluctant Justin in TDDDDI.

Easton is worried that Weston, whom Easton (not entirely unreasonably) doesn’t think can take care of himself, might fall in with the wrong crowd or worse. With Cynthia involved, I’m sure the “or worse” is his chief concern. Speaking of Cynthia, Melissa needn’t worry that she’s actually annoying the RIT (Reaper In Training). If she were, Cynthia doesn’t seem like the type to hide her displeasure. In such a case, I envision Cynthia doing something like deftly and nonchalantly slicing the head off a marshmallow bunny or a cookie kitty, locking her uncanny gaze on her annoyer, and saying in her deadpan way, “Next time it will by your head.”

I always thought Pascal hated Amanda Picklestein because she was his “always someone better” rival, but now I see the awful truth: she’s his Sierra … a similarity Pascal’s teammates gleefully exploit. Only Ness tries to save the beleaguered pop star from this fate worse than death, and she has ulterior motives, to wit: she sees Mandy as a rival, and with good reason. On a related note, it’s no surprise that Rhonda was so easily persuaded to accommodate Mandy. It’s a win-win … for everyone except Pascal. (Well, and maybe Ness, but she’s not allowed to have good things happen to her in any case.) Rhonda gets her cameos from a genre-relevant celebrity, and no less importantly gets them on the cheap; Mandy gets to be near Pascal; and the other players get to see Pascal suffer.

Two ship launches in one chapter: first, Lita and Griswold; now, Sera and Xidorn.

Kalino and Frannie think they’d have no problems if they were rich. This is a common misconception among people who haven’t been rich. The truth is, the only people with carefree lives are those who have someone taking care of them. On a related note, one million pre-tax dollars apiece isn’t likely to do what either Frannie or Kalino need it to do. It’s not enough for Kalino to live on for a lifetime unless his lifestyle will be more modest than he’s probably willing to accept—a misconception the TD canon does nothing to discourage—or unless he has people he can mooch off of indefinitely, because something tells me Kalino won’t be a particularly good money manager; and $1M pretax will probably buy Frannie’s circus two or three years at best. Circuses are dying out not only because consumer tastes have changed, but also because circuses have high operating costs.

Speaking of operating costs … it’s Challenge Time! For an alleged shoestring budget, some of this game’s challenges sound like they would cost a pretty penny to set up. That’s very common in the TD canon, as well, at least in later seasons, and is presumably driven by the Rule of Funny—“If it’s funny, it doesn’t have to make sense.”

Speaking of the challenge, I’m having trouble visualizing the “battlefield” if Hayden actually knows what he’s talking about. If the field is long and narrow, then the Fireworks should not have any more trouble than the Eagles in finding the enemy fort. Conversely, if it’s laid out like a typical city block, then putting the Eagles’ fort on the southern edge does not guarantee that their hunters will find the Fireworks’ fort in zero visibility by merely traveling north.

With Ignacio’s stratagem to melt the Eagles’ fort, the challenge is sounding more or like the canonical one in “Ice, Ice, Baby”, with Ignacio standing in for B. There are differences of course, stemming from two major sources: the poor visibility (which the ROTI players didn’t have to deal with) and the apparent absence of a saboteur to undermine Ignacio’s scheme. The urban setting is a secondary factor, because it means vastly different terrain.

Perhaps Ness isn’t as unlucky as she thinks, since her plan actually worked. Had she been truly unlucky, she would have bounced or skidded off the Eagle’s roof, netting her all the pain with none of the gain. On a related note, Ignacio is clearly channeling Justin when he strips down to further harness the sun. This strikes me as something Justin would try if he were smarter; but then, Ignacio’s whole gimmick is that he’s essentially a smarter (albeit less secure and less manipulative) version of Justin.

The Eagles perish ignominiously, so it’s time to send someone home. That means, in all likelihood, either finding a scapegoat or settling some scores. That said, Weston describing Vance as “mean” seems a bit odd. Vance has plenty of faults, but meanness has never struck me as being one of them. Likewise, Xidorn’s attempt to scapegoat Aiden doesn’t really seem to fit his characterization. Despite what Xidorn claims, the only problem Aiden’s trench caused was that it tripped Vance at the start of the final battle, and that mishap could just as easily be attributed to Vance being Vance.

And Hayden gets the axe. Well, good riddance. I remember less about him than any other contestant, including Jack the Ripper, er, Jasper. I did remember that he tries to be a sort of father figure despite being only marginally older than the others, so all he really succeeds in doing is annoying people. I’m not sure what Jenny sees in him, unless she admires his ability to annoy people.

Curious thing about this chapter’s challenge: it seemed much shorter and less eventful than it actually was. I suspect that’s because it consisted largely of character interactions that could just as easily have appeared outside the challenge as within it, and most of the challenge’s action was packed into the last few hundred words (of about 3300 words total). Probably due to this perception issue, this chapter wasn’t my favorite, although I liked it well enough in absolute terms. The appearance in the flesh of Pascal’s fabled nemesis, Amanda Picklestein, was definitely the high point. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 14:06, September 7, 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for commenting Gideon! I'm way late, but I always appreciate it!

Ooh gosh, I'm guessing that's partially why I only vaguely remember GalaxyQuest, from that movie. I'm going to have to remember that quote for my TV writing professor. Ironically, I think in-story Genesis is doing better in international markets (that maybe a plotline waayyyyy in the future). The specific show that inspired this death slot was actually Beware The Batman I think. It seemed like a promising concept for a version of the Dark Knight, but was eventually cut from the air. The remaining episodes were eventually aired...at two A.M. on a Saturday. Cartoon Network had obviously given up on it, and there was no hope in saving it. 

Honestly, I think with Toby it could be both. Rhonda probably doesn't have a cootie vacince though...

The ships are starting to leave the port and take sail! That's what a lot of last chapter was for admittedly.

Haha, yeah Pascal's reaction is a bit of Lampshading on the trope. You bring up a fair point of Gwen and TDA. I'm not sure whether TDWT would count too, though it was before the merge. I did realize thinking about Gwen the other day, she did only go because she caused her own elimination (in my head when I thought this, it was how as a creator's pet she couldn't even be an early out without some odd reason, though maybe that's not fair). 

True, it may not seem that shocking if it was Cynthia. It seems almost unrealistic for Melissa to do this, but Frannie is too naive to think that Kalino could've done it. 

Honestly, I could see that happening in canon too. If it were Samey and Amy I'd see more arguing between them then these girls. I'm assuming their locals, who somehow fall for Vance's 'southern charms'. Silly Ignacio, you'd think he'd know by now.

Or worse is putting it nicely. You're right, Melissa should know. Cynthia is very blunt, and I think you captured just how she'd make herself clear. But Melissa is such a sensitive soul that she doesn't think of that...

Yes! Amanda Picklestein! I didn't realize this till now, but she's kind of the legacy character of some of those weird interns I had in WTH? Oh my gosh, she basically is Sierra! I think Pascal kind of sees her as his always better rival in reality shows, and in an insulting way. The genre savvy reality player lost...to her. Hahaha, Ness really isn't allowed to have nice things to happen to her. 

Like I said, the ships are really to starting sailing this chapter (and the next...). Anchors away!

You bring up a good point about the money. The image of the rich person with no worries is really of a spoiled child or trophy wife, not the person making money. I think as teens Kalino and Frannie are kind of deceiving themselves in that regard with this idea. I'm not sure if Kalino would be savvy with money or not. He is smarter than he seems...but I can totally see his burning through it on frivolous purchases. Then again, part of me sees Kalino as someone who is easily satisfied, so maybe he wouldn't spend a lot? Honestly it could go either way for me...

As for Frannie...yeah. Circuses are dying out for a lot of reasons, and I'm not sure this money will help in all those regards. I think it was the Ringling Brothers Circus that closed because they couldn't use their animals, their biggest draw. What Frannie needs is some big publicity...and I'm not sure whether the show will help in that regard or not...

I mean, you're not wrong. These challenges are kind of costly. My excuse, besides Rule of Funny, is that Toby makes almost all of this expensive stuff through the scraps he can find, usually from the junkyard. That's why if you do a reality show, always have some with MacGyvering skills. The other thing is that the crew probably doesn't tell Washington of their plans, so it's less they got this section legally closed off as much as they just did it...

It's been awhile since I wrote this chapter, but I honestly think Hayden's plan is more of a plothole. Oops. 

I also didn't realize how much I stole from Ice Ice Baby till I finished this chapter. Again, oops. Like maybe I did it subconsciously, or there is a trope for melting snow. Let's just say this was that challenge from ROTI and it was another callback challenge. (I will say that I do plan on having actual specific parallels or callbacks to canon with how events proceed in challenges. The merge challenge probably has a good example I'm sure you've noticed).

True. I guess Ness' luck is either changing slightly, or it would somehow be unluckier for her to fall through. Or perhaps the pain of impacting and falling through is somehow more than the pain of bouncing off.

Hmm...maybe if Justin were a smarter, he could have tried to harness the sun with hotness in a way to sabotage someone else. I'm always kind of disappointed Justin wasn't more successful as a villain, but I suppose that's what Alejandro is for.

Ignominiously? I'm guessing that wasn't a pun of Ignacio, but you do know how to make strong puns. Weston is probably conflating Vance's rudeness with mean. I think I remember writing one or two lines were Vance wasn't the nicest to the twin. I would say Xidorn pointing out Aiden is simply him being honest in how he fault. I'm assuming if the trench wasn't there then the others could've gotten into the fort, or at least easier, to stop the Fireworks. I'm not sure how accurate that is...

Yeah, Hayden sadly didn't pan out so well. I think similar to Zipporah, his problem is that I made his character first and then sort of added him in, instead of creating a character to fit a role in the story like most of the other characters. Although, some other characters still worked fine in comparison. I think I kind of dropped the ball with his character. With so many, I guess someone had to get a little screwed over.

I wanted to expand on this further, and may eventually with Toby and Riley, but from the first challenge each co-host bonded with someone. I particularly see Jenny bonding with Hayden because given Hayden's psychological nature, he probably would allow Jenny to have therapy sessions aka Jenny gets to talk and rant at someone for along time. I'll have to see if I can include that joke somewhere in the future...

Honestly, this is probably my least favorite chapter so far. I think you're right about the challenge. I think I was trying to do a little different than I usually do and have interactions within the challenge instead of just beforehand but...eh. Most of the action was at the end, and the rest was exposition on plans. There are things I like in, but I think like you said the challenge was very short...and honestly not that great.

Still, I'm glad you liked it and reviewed it. I have to agree, Amanda Picklestein was the funniest part for me. I'm glad she was a highlight. I think next chapter is really good, at least I remember it being a funnier chapter akin to WTH? We'll see next time. Thanks again Gideon! Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 05:20, January 4, 2018 (UTC)

No, "ignominiously" isn't a pun on Ignacio's name; although now that you mention it, I could easily have made it one had I thought of it. (More the pity I didn't.) "Iggynominously", perhaps? That's as may be, "ignominious" literally means "doesn't have a name", so failing ignominiously means failing to distinguish (i.e. "make a name for") yourself. In more modern vernacular, the Eagles went down in flames. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 06:30, January 4, 2018 (UTC)

Space's Place

Chapter 1

(I’m gonna be completely honest it’s been so long since I read that I forgot almost everything, so it’s gonna be kinda like I’m reading this for the first time.  I also didn't read character pages or the rest of the talk page to avoid spoiling myself all over again.)

Ok so first chapter complete and here are my first impressions:

Rhonda is already a wonderful host, she’s such an underdog and I’m already rooting for her to succeed.  Like I want to just pat her on the shoulder and say, “Things are gonna work out gurl.”

I can already see the chemistry Toby and Jenny share, looking forward to their bickering and general snark.

Bethany: She was… there.  She seems like such a non-factor in this colorful cast, and by the end of the chapter I barely remembered that she existed.  I guess she’s awkward, but it’s not really in a charming way like most of the others in the cast.  Granted it’s only the first chapter, but I hope she gets more development moving forward or just goes home super early.

Xidorn: I’m kind of enjoying him just butting in trying to clarify everything.  I also like the contrast of his colorful attire with his very tame personality.  Can’t wait for him to either lie or get booted because of his honesty XD

Cynthia: Enjoyed her interactions with the rest of the cast, definitely bringing a sort of feeling I got from Izzy in Total Drama.  She’s not as over the top energetic as Izzy, but she’s definitely got that ‘I know much more than you ever could, and I go wherever I want whenever I want’ vibe.  Hope either we find out nothing about her to keep up the mystery or find out a lot about her to understand the mystery.

Easton and Weston: Lumping these two together because they were the same person and didn’t really do anything interesting.  I only remembered them as ‘those two dudes who are Katie and Sadie but actually related’.  I hope they eventually split off and get their own fleshed out personalities.

Tessa: She’s a B-I-T-C-H and it’s fantastic.  It was fun to watch her stare Ms. Positivity in the face and be like, ‘I shall not fall for your charms you wretch’.

Diamonique: DUMB… that is all.

Griswold: Big nice fun jock dude is big and fun and nice… that is all.

Aiden: The patriotism is real with this kid.  I like how he’s not just some brainwashed kid shouting USA, he actually has some intelligence behind him and that’s good.  Plus he and Melissa seem like they could be cute together. (Though tbh she could be cute with almost everyone else in the cast… but I feel like these two will end up together).

Seraphina: Dawn… is that you?  Jk Jk, she seems like she’ll be fun, and I like how she has an actual backbone when it comes to dealing with Tessa.

Ness: You poor child, why does fate hate you so?  Someone please protect this poor cinnamon bun.

Hayden: Don’t really have a good enough feel for his personality yet to make any sort of judgement.  He seems like he’ll be bland nice guy material though.

Frannie: See I love stupid puns and dumb jokes, so I absolutely adore Frannie already.  She made me laugh way harder than she should have, and that’s what makes her great to me.  She'll probably be an early boot so I'm going to enjoy her while she lasts.

Kalino: I seriously hope he develops antagonistic tendencies, because laid back surfer bruh is a trope I’ve always wanted to see done in an antagonistic way.  As he is Kalino is fine.

Vance: I LOVE him and I’m looking forward to seeing what antics he gets up to.  I hope he stays for a long time because if this chapter’s anything to go by he’s going to be my favorite.

Pascal: Bieber be gone from this realm!  The over the top inspiring first dialogue with Rhonda was fun, but in general he’s just kinda there for me thus far.

Melissa: I’m calling it now, she seems like the closest thing we’re getting to a ‘main protagonist’ this season.  She’s sweet, adorable, and I’m rooting for her.

Jerry Jasper: … Who? (all kidding aside I like the joke, but I hope he either gets booted early or becomes something more).

Ignacio: The attractive dude who wants to be known for more than just being attractive… I can dig it.

Zipporah: Hello madam goth who hates the establishment, I hope you aren’t around too long or your mere presence will begin to bother me!  Honestly the goth is such an overused trope that even pointing out said trope and mocking it doesn’t amuse me anymore.  Not your fault at all Rhonda, but I’m going to probably ignore this character moving forward.

Riley: I like her design and daredevil yet chill personality.  If I hadn’t already pegged Melissa as ‘main protagonist’ material Riley would be my pick.  Hope she makes it far, I want to see where you take her character.

Lita: Love having a hot person who’s not an antagonist (or at least doesn’t seem like one).  She’ll probably make it far and I’ll be watching how she develops.

In general it was a strong first chapter.  I didn’t find myself bored at any point and everything flowed rather nicely.  Humor, as always from you Rhonda, was top notch and wasn’t terribly forced.  There were some spelling and grammar issues, but they didn’t detract from the story nearly as much as they normally do for me.  Looking forward to reading the next chapter. Space was here some time ago and he wrote stuff. 03:21, June 23, 2018 (UTC)

OMG I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS SPACE! I known you've been keeping track with TDG for a while and based on some of your comments before it seems like you have a lot of interesting opinions. I've been working closing shift at my new at the job at the theater, or I would have commented sooner. But I've been on that writer's high of getting positive feedback for a while, so thanks xD

Since it's kind of like you're reading the first time I'll obviously try to avoid spoilers. It feels like you might know this and that already or have some idea of what's going to happen.

I really like seeing what people's reactions are and how they're the same and different. I'd say I've now had about six or so comments on the first chapter and overall I can defintely see the overall opinions about the chapter. But you also have a lot of interesting points, predictions and reactions so I'm really excited to see how you react to everything that unfolds <3

I will say in hindsight I don't love these early three chapters. I still like them, but they might not be the best intro. Back then I wanted to limit my chapters to around 5,000 words or so. I thought splitting into three would allow me room to introduce everything and everyone. I gave up on the word limit because I'm not concise and I realized most of my readers didn't mind and it wasn't really getting me any new readers.

And I think some of characters certainly got a rawer deal than others. While some might look better in the next two chapters, I think for a couple readers this chapter immeaditely made them dislike certain characters and it made an uphill battle to like them. This all my long way of saying that I'm glad you liked the first chapter, but I think overall the characters and the chapters themselves get better as we go!

Aww <3 I'm biased, but I agree on Rhonda. I'm glad she's likable and you're rooting for her. The hosts kind of have their own story in a way. The three's dynamic is actually probably the one overt thing that has carried over from my old WTH? fic. 

Ooh Bethany. She's the first contestant and I think the one with the most lines, and yet she's kind of more forgettable than Casper. Oops. I'm not sure how I did that. I might just not be good at writing normal, sane  straight man type characters? I think I've actually tried to spice that dialouge up once or twice before. She does have some better moments in the future though!

I didn't even realize it till you mentioned it, but Xidorn is probably the most outrageous looking (and named) character yet has kind of an opposite personality. 

Oh my gosh, Cynthia is kind of like Izzy in that way! She's probably the weirdest werido of the cast, a bit ironic considering Frannie seems like the more Izzy type. Warning though; knowing the answers behind Cynthia might lead to full time on insanity.

Easton and Weston! Yeah, the Katie and Sadie parallels are defintiely intentional. 

I always kind of thought Tessa would be a hated character right off the bat, and a couple readers didn't like her. But more readers have reacted positively to her than negatively. I think you put it best xD she's a B-I-T-C-H and it's fantastic. But will it stay fantastic?

I'm glad you liked Aiden! I defintely didn't want him to see dumb. I imagine if you are so patriotic you probably get strong negative reactions at times and I didn't a character who couldn't reply to that at least a little thoughtfully. And he and Melissa do. I agree though, I kinda ship Melissa with quite a few people in the story. (A word of warning is that I love shipping, so this story will have lots of teases and shipping moments, for better or worse). 

Lol. Seraphina is kind of like Dawn...but also not? I think a lot of people come in expecting her to be very mysterious like Dawn, so just don't be too disappointed if she's not as mystic. You did pick up on one of the key differences; she's defintely a bit snappier. 

You summed Ness pretty perfectly as well xD

Hayden...I think that maybe accurate at the moment. But he also has a strange following that kind of developed? He defintely has some more fun moments in the future so who knows what the future holds.

Frannie <3 Same! She's just earnesly goofy that I love writing her. 

Kalino, developing antagonistic tendencies? Why would you say that ;p I will say Kalino will be interesting...

Vance! Going by your new WGC pick, I thought you might like him. Glad to know I was right! Vance is just a lot of fun, you'll see. 

Yeah, I think Pascal has a very weak introduction. I'm not entirely sure why since I actually do have fun writing him, but I'd imagine it's because the later intros are rushed (me trying to get in that word count) and a little more has to be revealed about his character in the future. 

Melissa is just adorable. Hmm...I mean, I know who I consider the main protagonist, but even that could change depending on how what happens in the chapters I haven't written. 

Igancio is actually based on me and my own struggles to be known as more than goddess levels of sexy.

That's honestly a fair reaction. I can see how goths have been overdone, especially in TD fandom. I mean, the Goths from RR are clearly the peak, where can we go from there? But seriously, there are a lot of goths, even on this wiki. (Including from my past stories...) Still I will probably have the occassional goth character in my fanfictions on down the line because they have easy arcs and good visuals. But I won't be hurt if you ignore Zipporah, especially if because she's not just goth. She's also hispter xD What a package!

Riley <3 You pegged her personality pretty acurately. But where will she go ;)

I love your observation on Lita because I didn't realize it...but that's so accurate. Like a lot of hot people on wiki are antagonists, especially in recent years. I also honestly have one reader who up until maybe now was convinced Lita was secretly an antagonist. 

I'm really glad to hear you enjoyed it Space! Good to hear that it flowed nice and was funny; seriously I'm blushing cause of your compliments! I'm just overjoyed that you liked it and so happy you commented! Now to find out who this monster really is...*gasp* Old man Rhonda! 06:42, June 24, 2018 (UTC)