I've reorganized a few bits of the talk page in honor of the rewrites. If you're here to leave a new comment, start at the bottom under the Post-Revamp Discussion heading, just so it keeps everything in chronological order. I didn't want to delete any outdated comments, so I've marked all headings that were created before the chapters were rewritten as (Pre-Revamp.) There's angels in the airwaves tonight, and I need you to stay. 04:04, June 18, 2014 (UTC)
Final Three Guessing Contest
Sorry if you still had an active guess in the guessing contest, but I chose to clear the list because most of the users on it are now inactive. If anybody still wants to guess for this, I'll still be offering up either an art or writing page if there's a winner. Pretty much you list any three of the remaining eleven contestants that you think will be the final three. If one of your contestants is eliminated, your guess gets crossed off and you're allowed to guess again. One guess at a time per user, and if by some chance there are duplicate guesses then it's first come first serve. Whoever gets the final three correct will win the prize!
(Pre-Revamp) Discussion
I love how you draw your characters!They are so nice.I look forward to reading this story.TDASUPERFAN12 (talk) 03:50, August 3, 2010 (UTC)
This looks so good! I can't wait! Hiding Oreos in her bra. 03:11, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
Chapter One is up! Sorry it's late... I promised it'd be up yesterday but I got really caught up in trying to do homework while watching the American Idol finale so I just didn't have the time. I'm so excited to hear if anybody actually reads this! If you're shocked at it's length, this is actually what I think will be about the average length of a chapter for this story. If you spot any obvious errors, feel free to point them out. Freefalling Lilacs is way too boring for a cool signature. 02:51, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
Hey it's Gossip again, and I loved the opening chapter. It gave me something to read while I camped out for Lady Gaga on Friday! It was so funny. I am in love with Rachel, she reminds me of a female Chris, so I wonder how they'll be getting along. Now to the contestants, I am head over heels for Zack, Avery, Elena, Issac, Camille, and Cara. Also Risty, she has to be my favorite character right now. She is so fiesty. I just love her.
Can I say if Irina and Paul get together, I will love it. I saw their character models and they would be cute together. But I shouldn't be jumping to conculsions. The story just began! Now my thoughts on the first person going home, I will have to say Josh. I just think that shyness with lead to his dismise. I can't wait for the next chapter! So excited!
I'm super excited to read this, so you know. I haven't had time, yet, but I'll post a comment when I can get to it. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 20:45, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
I finally found time to read chapter 1. You're off to a promising start, not that I expected anything less from what I've seen of your writing to date. As for the story itself, there usually isn't much to say about the first chapter of a competition story, since said chapter will normally be little more than a meet-and-greet (just like in the canon TDI). As I think I've mentioned elsewhere, I like how you didn't just blow through the intros with just a couple of lines per contestant, like so many competition stories do.
I did notice that several of the contestants seemed more than a little similar to canon characters; but I assume that's by design, with the in-universe justification that Chris would want the contestant roster to include certain archetypes. That would be why, for example, the vast majority of Survivor contestants are now actively scouted and recruited, and I can well imagine Chris and his producers doing the same thing.
As for the chapter length, it clocks in at about 7000 words (excluding the theme song description), which is getting up there; but I, for one, don't think it's excessive. (I expect the chapters of my own competition story to mostly fall in the range of 4000-7000 words.)
In summary, I liked it, and I plan to stay with it, which I'm sure comes as no surprise to you. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 06:38, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
It's finally begun! This was very funny story, and the comment that Oprah could take over the world if she wanted to is... not implausible. Keep it up, and you should have a great story for the whole Wiki to enjoy.
However, the line breaks between dialogue aren't very good. There has to be more space between paragraphs, otherwise you'll have the dreaded Wall of Text on your hands.-I know you little libertine. I know you're a cannonball 16:05, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
The spacing problem TDIRM refers to is caused by the extraneous formatting information that the wiki software sometimes adds when you paste in text. Unfortunately, once it's in there, all you can do is strip it out manually. I'm doing a little experimenting in an attempt to determine the conditions that cause this unwanted formatting to be added, and to see if there's a way around it. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 06:09, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks for all the feeback everybody. I'll be working more with the line breaks as more chapters get uploaded. The formatting on this site is kind of difficult, so my options were either this or have the equivalent of about three line breaks in between each paragraph which would make the chapter seem even longer than it already does. I'll see what I can do next time I update though.
Also, I had missed posting the chapter last week because I'd actually lost power due to a storm while I was typing and my computer had shut down. This somehow corrupted the file (or something similar to that) and I had to rewrite the upcoming chapter from scratch. Chapter Two will be posted tomorrow though for anybody wondering. Freefalling Lilacs is way too boring for a cool signature. 03:10, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
Can't wait! I wanna see how Josh is going to react to a bunch of cameras in his face :)
Hey this story looks fantastic! I'll definitely start reading it soon when I stop being lazy about reading, and I love the new cast art that you've drawn. Great work Lilac! I'm so fancy, you already know. I'm in the fast lane, from L.A to Tokyo! 16:05, April 6, 2014 (UTC)
Formatting problems
Lilac, I may have an answer to the formatting problem. It looks like the wiki's rich text editor is introducing the extraneous formatting information when you paste in text from word processing software. To avoid this, switch the Edit window to Source mode before pasting. After you've pasted in your text, you can switch back to WYSIWYG mode (i.e. the rich text editor) if you want, and do any additional cleanup/refinement there before posting your edit.
Note, however, that Source mode handles spacing differently from WYSIWYG mode. Double-spaced paragraphs (i.e. one blank line between paragraphs) in Source mode becomes single spacing (actually, space-and-a-half spacing, which is what you want) in WYSIWYG mode; triple- or quadruple-spacing (i.e. 2 or 3 blank lines between paragraphs) in Source mode becomes double spacing in WYSIWYG; 4 or 5 blank lines in Source becomes triple spacing in WYSIWYG, etc. If you paste single-spaced paragraphs (i.e. only a line break, with no blank lines) into Source mode, the line breaks will be lost when you post, and you'll get a Wall of Text. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:30, June 15, 2011 (UTC)
Cool. The formatting is much better, now. Hopefully I can get to this soon, now that it's less intimidating. XD Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 17:09, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
Thank you so much for the formatting tips Gideon! I take a little longer now because I need to run through and re-add italics, but the end result is so much better! Speaking of which, Chapter Two is finally up. This is actually my finals week, so I blame the late update on loss of power and studying.
I know the newest chapter is kind of rough, but in true Total Drama style the first challenge is always the least complicated (and often most boring). It gets better from here. I'd love some feedback though and maybe hear some opinions on if anybody would be up for a final three or winner guessing contest? I'm not sure what the prize would be yet, but I'm willing to offer one. :) Freefalling Lilacs is way too boring for a cool signature. 23:33, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
I finally got to chapter one, and it was worth reading. Nice work on it. My favorites were Josh and Paul (not because I did his alternate clothes :P). I also really enjoyed Tina Blanks, she was ferocious. XD I can't wait until I have time to read the second chapter. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 01:40, June 21, 2011 (UTC)
{C {C I loved the second chapter. I completely knew it'd be Josh leaving first. C'mon how are you on a reality show and you are extreme cameraphobic. I don't get it. Oh and I just completely made that word up.
Oh, I loved all the interviews especially Paul and Opal. That was too funny. I loved how she kept insisting that they were related and he kept looking at himself, saying now we aren't. Also any interview with Tina Blanks was hilarious. She was like a drag queen version of Tyra... actually she acted just like Tyra would.
Now I can't wait for the following chapter, I'm justing dying to see the relationships grow and alliances... something that I'm sure Sebastian will have covered for me. I love him, he's so devious.
Can't wait and I'm like super excited. GossipQueen 03:33, June 21, 2011 (UTC)
I've finally had a chance to read Chapter 2. Nicely done. Although it was a long chapter (~8300 words) it didn't seem all that long when I was reading it. Lest there be any misunderstanding, that's a good thing, because it means the chapter was engaging.
Yes, the challenge was straighforward, and I might have gotten more out of it if I was familiar with the talk show hosts you parodied, but I wouldn't call it boring. Visually static, yes, but the reason so little happened was that you were focused on character development. (The Awake-a-Thon is the best canon analog.) What's more, everyone (to the best of my recollection) behaved according to their stated archetypes, which is something that some writers aren't terribly conscientious about. Josh's departure was no surprise, of course; not only did he have the most abject failure in the challenge, but his crippling camera-shyness was clearly going to be a continuing handicap for his team if he stayed.
I do have one piece of advice, though: If we're going to be seeing much more of Rachel Claire, she should have a character page. And P.S., I'm glad I could help with the formatting. It seems to be working for you. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 06:10, June 26, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks to everybody for the comments! And to Gideon, I am absolutely grateful for the Awake-a-thon comparison. It definitely made me feel a lot better about the status of that chapter. And Rachel Claire will be getting a character page right after I draw up an image for her.
But anyways, Episode Two is up. Now that we've seen what the characters are like on their own, how's about we see how well they interact with each other? As always, any feedback is appreciated!
I know I said I'll be updating on Wednesdays and it's already Friday in my time zone... but for the record, I had it done on Wednesday, I just fell asleep before I could actually format it and put it on the site and I wasn't online at all on Thursday. So I think I'll be changing my updating days to every other Thursday (though there may end up being an update next week too if I write fast). Freefalling Lilacs is way too boring for a cool signature. 06:51, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
I can now offically say this is one of my favorite competition stories on the wiki. I love everything about it, the theme, the characters (especially Issac, Sebastain, and Zach), the artwork, the challenges, everything. Overall, while I'm too lazy to go into full fledged reviews right now, I'd give Chapter One a 9.5/10 (least favorite so far, but still a brilliant way to introduce the contestants), Chapter Two a 10/10 too (my favorite chapter so far despite the elimination, for, although I love Issac, I feel like it would have made sense to send him home instead, since he barely even tried), and Chapter Three a, you guessed it, 10/10 (I loved the whole sharing the room plot, good way to get in interactions, and the challenge seems promising). Just now that if you ever decide to put this up for FS, you have a definite supporter out of me. ~ Problem? ;D 13:02, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
Another engaging chapter "For My Entertainment". The shared bathroom arrangement (called a "Jack and Jill" bathroom) used to be a good deal more common than it is now, suggesting that the "hotel" is probably an older one. As MrD noted, this arrangements facilitates character interaction (especially Mars/Venus conflict) as well as simplifying the plumbing.
The challenge sounds interesting, although I do have a couple of minor quibbles. First, Minerva acted a good deal dumber than her bio would seem to suggest. Somehow, I don't think even the canon Lindsay would hold a bow backwards. Likewise, although Minerva's bio suggests that she's starstruck with Chris, she has contact with him every day now, and she's also supposed to by "flamboyantly homosexual", so I'm not sure why she would find the prospect of a date with Chris especially appealing. All in all, it seems to me that Minerva's airheaded question would have been better suited to Camille, or perhaps Ophelia. Speaking of Camille, does anyone curtsy anymore? Well, I suppose someone does, and Camille certainly seems the likeliest candidate in this lot. I found it amusing, though, because I doubt it's very common in TD fanfics, yet I also have a scene in LTDI where Izzy curtsies for the camera.
The other seemingly OOC moment is that I really can't see Chris being stupid enough to stand next to the archery targets. Not only is this a gross violation of range safety rules, but a dyed-in-the-wool narcissist like Chris would surely have a better instinct for self-preservation than that. Besides, it would be harder to see the targets from that position. On the other hand, I could certainly see Chris having Hatchet or an intern stand downrange for some reason and possibly getting shot. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 07:04, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
{C}Ah! You updated and I didn't even notice. Can I say this chapter had me dying. It's seriously one of your best. The pairing in the rooms are epic, You put Elena to share a bathroom with Zack. I am like dying to see what else comes out of that.
Also I am dying to see more of Sebastain's evil side. I just have the hots for evil guys. Especially when they are connving and I love Donna for seeing past him. Now the challenge is turning up to be amazing.
I loved the little Paul/Irina moment! It was so cute. I really loved it. Now I can wait for the next one!
GossipQueen 17:58, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
And so the second challenge has begun. It's surprising how much you posted while I was away, it's about three times as much as I write in the same time period... at best. The characters are just like TD characters, and you do focus on their stereotypes (except the whole Minerva date thing that Gideon pointed out.) Overall, the story is still very, very amusing and on it's way to deserved popularity.-Summer is ready when you are. 19:51, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks for commenting everyone. I'll be answering/thanking/etc. in the order the comments were posted:
Mrdaimion: Thanks so much for the ratings! I'm surprised they're so high (especially for the rather dull first chapter) but I'm definitely not complaining! It's definitely not going up for FS yet... maybe in the future though? Who knows? (Also, your trollface icon is amazing... I clicked to look at your userpage and I cracked up!)
Gideon: I've actually stayed in a hotel with a shared bathroom. Fortunately I knew the person staying in the room next door and it was only for a night, but it was shocking enough that I had to include it somewhere... that and for the reasons you'd listed. As for the Minerva situation, I actually didn't realize that I'd written that she was the one who wanted the date with Chris. I'd just tried to include that she wasn't listening to a word he was saying because she was talking to somebody else, and that was just the question she'd ended up asking. I changed it since you (and others) pointed it out though. As for the holding the bow backwards, as well as many of her other less than intelligent actions, there's actually a reason for that. It's not stupidity, though right now it does seem like that, and it'll all be explained later.
As for Chris standing near the targets, Chef's not going anywhere near this challenge due to him finding it stupid (as he briefly mentioned) and I'd rather use a main character than an intern for the job so there aren't too many characters in the scene. It is a bit OOC, but I figured it'd work just for the joke of him getting hit with the arrow.
GossipQueen: I love that you have the hots for Sebastian (even though I already knew that, I always smirk evilly at that). And of course somebody had to see past him. Even Alejandro had somebody see past him. And I still can't say much about Paul and Irina... :)
TDIRM (I'm not sure how else to abbreviate your name, correct me if I'm wrong): Ha. If you want to talk about slow writing, you should see how rarely I used to update on Fanfiction.net. There's still an angry mob after me over there. But thanks so much for the positive comment!
To everyone: With the next chapter, I'm probably going to post a section for a Final Three guessing contest. I'm not sure what the prize will be, but there will be one! So if you have a guess, you can put it up now and kind of reserve it in a comment. Freefalling Lilacs is way too boring for a cool signature. 04:05, July 3, 2011 (UTC)
My troll-face avatar is amazing, isn't it? ;P And I vote for Zach, Issac, and Sebastain in advance. I figure I'm not winning no matter what, so why not vote for my three faves? =P ~ Problem? ;D 10:57, July 3, 2011 (UTC)
(Pre-Revamp) Chapter Four Discussion
Chapter Four is up. It was getting way too long and I actually had to cut out a few scenes, so if you see something in there that just doesn't make sense feel free to mention it. I might have cut out a scene that relates to it and accidentally left it in there. Any small grammar/spelling errors will be edited later because I really don't have any time now. Also, the Final Three Guessing Contest has been posted at the top of the page like I promised! Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 16:25, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
I read the first episode (finally) and LOVED it! I mostly like Allison at the moment, what with he sass and all. I felt so bad for Josh! I'd probably be frozen in fear in front of all those cameras too, and I'm not even a farmer. x.x Can't wait to read episode two! Keep up the good work. --Spotted at the hottest shows, interview on Charlie Rose, they all want a piece of you! 21:23, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
{C}Like always I abosutely adored this chapter and can I say that Sebastian, Elena and Victor scene was one of the best scenes I've seen your write. It was so funny. I loved it. Also I really love Irina, she offically has won me over. Oh and Camille, I am going to keep an eye on that, but something tells me that Cara will be discovering what ever is up with her.
Now for my TOP THREE PREDICTIONS! It will have to be Sebastian, Donna, and Paul!
I always forget to put the signature. Sorry GossipQueen 21:28, July 16, 2011 (UTC)
The way the Emmys won the challenge reminded me of the sports movie challenge in the canon TDA, where the Grips won the tiebreaker by shamelessly sucking up to Chris. (This is neither good nor bad in itself, it just seemed worth notice.) Of course, people from both teams tried it this time, some more successfully than others. I'm not sure Eric deserved to go home, although he could be viewed as having cost his team the challenge. Frankly, I would have expected Isaac to go, insofar as I expected anyone in particular; but in his case, this may be little more than a "stay of execution". Unless Isaac shows some hidden depths, he seems likely to run out of story fairly quickly; and if your planning process is anything like mine, a lot of the early outs are likely to be victims of the elimination order following the storylines.
Something I have mentioned to others is that, in real-world "reality" shows, contestants are strongly discouraged from mentioning players or events from previous seasons. On Survivor, for example, the contestants are told flat out that any reference to previous seasons will never appear in the finished episodes, with the implication being, "don't talk about such things if you want a lot of screen time." (They might make an exception for things like All-Star seasons, where all the players have been on the show before.)
Given their backgrounds and bios, Gabe and Elena do seem like natural allies. Furthermore, this would seem to be an alliance of equals, at least in theory, which might be the best chance for either or both of these two to show hidden depths (if they have any) as the story progresses. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:30, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
Very good, I am loving this story! You're pretty good. The characters are all different, you know when to show and when to tell, and you're a great artist. Anyway, i really love this and you have another reader hooked! Goldenshane 17:03, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter that I didn't get to reply to. As for now, Episode Three is up, and it's a fun challenge. For the record, all of the songs and bands mentioned are totally fictional (which means that I did in fact write those hideous lyrics that Avery read off of her paper). To anybody who has made a final three guess or plans on making one: could you guys just write your guess and your name underneath the "Final Three Guessing" heading at the top of this talk page? It makes it a lot easier for me to see who guessed what without digging through these comments. Thanks in advance for any comments on the chapter. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 15:50, July 29, 2011 (UTC)
I loved this chapter! I think that Elena is my favorite character, as she's so interesting! Avery is too. Minerva is still an awesome character, I'm very glad that you're writing for her the way you're writing for her. As for the challenge, I'm liking it a lot! I do have one criticism: show, don't tell. Don't tell us that Irina (forgive my spelling if a butcher it) had a great idea. Instead, say something along the lines of, "As Irina listened to her teammates, her glossy lips slowly formed into a smile. Her pale-blue eyes widened as she said softly, "Everyone, I just had the most wonderful of ideas!" I didn't tell you she had an idea, I showed it. I also used some adjectives to show that she is a model and she cares a lot about her appearance. Yeah... if only I could do this with my own works. XD. Anyway, I'm loving it so far! Goldenshane 01:02, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
Goldenshane: It's funny because you like all the characters that I thought a lot of people would hate because they're either mean or annoying. It's really good to hear that you like Elena, Avery, and Minerva. And the paragraph you wrote as a show, don't tell is really nice and makes me feel guilty that I didn't do it. I originally had a lot more written there, but I actually cut it short to keep the chapter shorter. Guess that was a mistake. :P Thanks for the comment, and glad that you love it so far! Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 01:26, August 2, 2011 (UTC)
I'm usually weird like that. XD I tend to like the more unpopular characters and dislike the popular ones. Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter! Goldenshane 00:23, August 3, 2011 (UTC)
K, I read chapters two and three. I'm not sure when I'll do four, but I had to comment on... Poor Josh. TT_TT I liked him, a lot. Why do hunky farm boys have such a bad experience on these shows? XD As for chapter three... This line was awesome: 'Will my butt ever be the same again?' XDDD As for the characters I liked, I liked Minerva more than I thought I would, but I also like Paul and Robert, too. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 20:55, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
And... I finished chapter four. I was actually hoping for Allison to go over Eric, but I won't miss him too much. The jock-like types are certainly not fairing too well this season. XD I look forward to more, though, and I liked Eric's rock collection. :( Oh, well. I liked Paul's crocheting, though. My cousin crocheted me an Oshawott. XD Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 21:31, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
(Pre-Revamp) Episode Three Discussion
Chapter Six is up. I know it's a bit early, but I just realized that I'm going to be on vacation two weeks from now so I want to get another chapter done in one week instead of two. Just to warn you in advance, Chapter Six is really long but in my opinion is really good. (And also as I mentioned before I wrote all of those terrible songs so feel free to laugh at how bad they are.)
If you guys really want to kill me over the elimination, go right ahead and say so. I have plenty of reasons as to why it happened, and it's been planned since the beginning. If you really want me to list some reasons, I will, but I can say in advance that all of the early eliminations were chosen to go for a reason. Whether it's to make an impact now or in the future, they weren't just chosen at random. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 01:11, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
... I- I'm going to kill you in horrible ways. :| Not only did you deceive me twice to think that the full chapter was up (first time just chapter name, second time only part of it), but you eliminated my favorite contestant. D= And I'm also annoyed at Risty's decesion, honestly, she voted off her best friend there just because-- presumably-- Gabe told her to vote Minerva. xD Like, I know she didn't want to vote her off cause she was gay. But I'm pretty sure that Gabe telling her to vote Minerva helped her make her choice. xD ~ Jason Derulo Yeah... 01:42, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
I saw that coming. I knew somebody would want to kill me. It happened for a reason though, I promise. And that's not the only reason for why she voted him off (though it did help XD). You'll find out more in the next chapter. And sorry about deceiving you! My computer kept overheating while I was editing it, so I kept having to start over again. I didn't think anybody had noticed. :P (For the record, he's always been planned to be third out. I didn't realize he'd get that popular!) Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 01:54, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
I loved episode three. I liked the challenge and like Minerva a lot more now... However, I think I like Risty even MORE! XD I love how she wasn't self-centered in deciding who to vote out; if it were me I probably would've gone with Minerva because of Gabe's threat. I'm sad about Zack, though. He was a gave. At this point my faces are Elena, Minerva, Risty, Angel, and Paul. Special mention to Isaac and Cara. ;) --Reddude (logged out)
Incredible story! It's a bit early to say for sure, but this just may be the second-best story in all of TDI-fandom! It's got that certain something. Not sure what, but it's got it. It's all wonderfully written and engaging, certainly!
I like most of the contestants, love others, but two in particular stand out for me: Camille and Avery, both in their own way. Avery with her obsessive control issues, and kinda' seemingly having the universe go out of its way to spite her, which only makes me like her even more, and Camille, who just seems like a whole lotta' fun! And even though she doesn't seem especially important story-wise, I just really like Ophelia a lot. Frank15 09:47, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
Bleh, fine, alright. He better return, though. <-< =P Oh yeah, pretty sure I know what happened with the whole stealing the disc thingy:
Basically, Elena knew that Minerva told Risty, and she also knew Risty was good friends with Zack. So, she stole the disc so Zack would be the only other choice to vote for, who happened to be Risty's closest friend there, since she figured that she'd vote for Minerva. And, if Zack did happen to go instead... Hey, Elena didn't like him at all anyways.
Oh yeah, Cara's also a lot cooler now with her scene with her and Issac. xD ~ Jason Derulo Yeah... 20:39, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
Oh Elena Elena Elena Elena... I love you, but you shouldn't have done that. I may be on the same page as you, but Minerva's so sweet and such an awesome girl. We may not agree with her, but who cares? Minerva doesn't deserve to be treated that way. If it were me in that situation, I would've tried my hardest to get to know her and become her friend, as she seems like a great friend to have. She's actually a lot like me in many ways. Elena, you just went down a LOT in my heart. *places Elena below Squall on the favorite scale*
And now you know my feelings. XD. I still adore Elena, and she's still my favorite. I mean, seriously, she's what makes this story interesting! Gabe's okay, but not as entertaining as Elena. Minerva's climbing through the ranks.
Speaking of Minerva, she finally came out. This was certainly a unique one. I must say, I love how you wrote it. I felt so bad for Minerva. I personally wish that it was Monique that consoled her, as the two are great friends. But she was probably busy or something. Risty was a good choice, though. Speaking of Risty, I also am loving how you wrote for her inward debate. Very realistic. Oh, and Zack will be missed.
I suppose another character I'm liking is Camille. She's very ditzy and innocent, but very so shady. I wonder if she did it. Probably not, but she's a possibility. Anyway, I'm loving this story and I can't wait to see how it unfolds! Goldenshane 02:57, August 12, 2011 (UTC)
Reddy: I'm glad you like Risty more now. That was kind of the point as to why she got such a big role in this chapter. And I think Zack was a fave for almost everybody, which kind of makes me feel like a total jerk for voting him off... oh well XD. I always love hearing which characters are favorites though.
Frank: Thank you so much. Possibly second best story is seriously a huge compliment. I always thought Avery was a character that the readers would kind of hate, so it's nice to know that you like her. (Also, do you happen to be the same Frank15 from FF.net? The one who wrote Total Drama Chris?)
MrD: We'll see if anybody returns... :) Well, that's actually a really good theory for the disc stealing... but Elena's not actually that smart or sneaky. XD
Shane: If you actually were able to say that Elena's face, she'd probably try and kick you off the show even if you feel the same way. XD But she was above Squall at some point? The Squall? And actually the reason it was Risty instead of Monique who talked to Minerva is because Risty's just generally a lot nicer than Monique is. Monique and Minerva are still good friends though. And I think "sweet but shady" would be the best possible way to describe Camille. Glad to hear you love it, and thanks for the long comment! Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 19:23, August 12, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, Squall Leonhart. He's very awesome, and my fourth favorite Final Fantasy protagonist. (After Yuna, Tidus, and Vanille). And I do realize she'd try to kick me off XD. But Minerva and Risty would help me fight her off! Also, Camille is SO cute. While she asked who owned the disk she found, I got the cutest picture of her. I could not possibly do that scene justice with my own drawings. Anyway, you're welcome for the long comment! Goldenshane 20:23, August 12, 2011 (UTC)
Yes, I am the person who wrote that story! I'd tried posting it here a while back, but I had a lot of trouble with the site.
And I guess I can see why some people would hate Avery. I just find her desperate and on the verge of a breakdown and sympathetic. And after what Oprah... err, I mean, Opal did to her, I had to feel awful for her. Frank15 21:30, August 12, 2011 (UTC)
I'm still working on chapter 6, but I thought I'd mention a technical detail. There's one scene where Irina makes a comment "with cynicism dripping from her every word". I think the word you want is "sarcasm". Cynicism is the belief that self-interest motivates all human behavior. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 07:19, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
{C {C I can’t honestly give an assessment as effusive as Frank’s because I’ve read so few competition stories, but I’ve said before that I think you have an exceptional story on your hands, and Episode Three did nothing to change my opinion on that point.
That said, Elena’s stated reasons for targeting Minerva didn’t sound quite right to me. (Granted, some of this is fridge logic, but some of it did in fact occur to me at the time.) If Elena is so worried about being seen as a laughingstock by her inner circle, then why is she placing herself at Chris’ tender mercies in the first place? Even if her friends don’t have a problem with “slumming” (as they must surely see Elena’s appearance on Total Drama)—and it is entirely possible that they don’t—this is Chris McLean we’re talking about. That’s right, the legendary sadist. Is the publicity Elena gets out of this reality show going to be worth the degradation she is likely to encounter, not to mention the possibility of genuine danger to life and limb?
Indeed, elimination games in general don’t really seem to be the place for someone as concerned with her image as Elena seems to be. I can just hear her friends asking why she didn’t simply get her own show if she wanted to be a reality show star. She could probably have done so without undue difficulty, considering her family’s wealth and connections, and she would have far more control over how she presents to the audience.
As for Elena’s friends not watching the show if they know there’s a homosexual on the roster, just try finding an elimination game nowadays that doesn’t have one. Besides, for reasons noted above, Elena might be better off if her friends didn’t watch.
I have a couple of unrelated observations, but those can wait for another day. This post is plenty long as it is. Keep up the good work. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:41, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Elena was totally aware of the dangerous risks that came along with entering in Total Drama, but she applied to be on the show because of the attention it was getting from all of the media before the season began. She didn't just want to be on a reality show, she wanted to be on the reality show. So yes, she could have just gotten her own show, but she wanted the bragging rights of beating on a large-scale competition show.
As for her "friends" not watching the show... well, I would just say take note of the quotation marks that I put around friends. I can't go into much detail as it involves a plot piece that I will probably end up using, but Elena's "friends" aren't all that genuine. And Elena is just too self-confident to admit that she will probably be humiliated during her time on the show, so she would probably encourage everybody she knows to watch it without even thinking that she might embarrass herself. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 05:03, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Yes, I noticed a reference in the story that the word "friends" was perhaps being used loosely in Elena's case, with the implication that they might show their true colors if/when Elena discovers the danger of hubris. So, might Elena's "friends" be using her the same way she is probably using them? Only the author knows for sure. Maybe Elena's suited for Total Drama after all--she might be approaching her whole social life the way an antagonist approaches an elimination game.
That's as may be, here's one of the unrelated observations I promised you: Avery reminds me a lot of Courtney. No, not the impostor in TDA. The real one. The main difference I see is that Avery is more openly self-centered. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:38, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Here's the other unrelated (to Elena) observation I promised you. You closed Chapter 6 by saying, "Zack had been framed." I'm not sure the word "framed" really fits unless you're going for omniscient narration. While it's clear that the disk had, in fact, been stolen, that doesn't really constitute a framing unless Zack was the actual target--a distinct possibility, but not at all clear from the preceding events. If anyone else (Minerva, for example) was the real target, and Zack just happened to take the fall instead, then the theft of the disk was sabotage, but not a frame job. Instead of saying "Zack had been framed", saying "Zack had been right" is more consistent with what the Emmys actually know at this point. And yes, I know this might sound nitpicky, but I think the ramifications of this word choice are significant. (This kind of perfectionism, by the by, is part of the reason why my own story is taking so long, but that's my problem.) Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:58, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
(Pre-Revamp)' Episode Four and Five Discussion
The first part of Episode Four (or Chapter Seven if you prefer) is up! Sorry it took so long. I've been in Florida for the past week or so without Internet. I'd planned on posting it up beforehand, but I just never got to it. I really don't have much to say about the chapter, other than that this episode in general is kind of a transition episode. It's not as important as the two episodes around it, it just kind of bridges the two together.
Oh, and I'm planning on posting the second half of Episode Four later this week because I made you guys wait a little extra for this chapter. That and I kind of want to get this challenge over with and get onto the more fun episodes. This one's just kind of depressing with the rain and the fishing. Thanks in advance for any comments. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 02:12, August 27, 2011 (UTC)
Yes, Allison, we all know you hate Avery. Glad you're not letting that bias you in thinking she framed up Zack =P
Really, though, poor Avery. Everyone's picking on her, and she's so obviously innocent. I'd be less surprised if Allison herself did it to frame Avery framing Zack, really.
...well, not that much, though. Really don't think it was Allison, either. She's discounting Camille and Cara pretty quickly, though. And Camille has been acting suspicious, though I'm not really sure what that's about, but it kinda' does raise a red flag for her. Then again, Cara could be pulling a Missy, for all I know.
Silly Ritsy. Shakespear quoting is a pretty good reason for someone named Ophelia to like Victor!
You know, there's really nothing especially notable about Ritsy, but I like her a lot, anyway. Dunno' why exactly. Just do.
Aww... Avery accepted Issac's apology =D
Compared with chicken with waffles--that's got to be the most bizarre food combination ever--soda with waffles doesn't seem so weird.
Camille does seem smarter than she looks....
Aww, Gabe and Elena have all the makings of another Heather and Alejandro. How... is that sweet?
And poor Donna. Poor girl can't get any sleep.
Anyway, very enjoyable! Frank15 04:36, August 27, 2011 (UTC)
Just wanted to tell everyone that if all goes well, the next chapter should be up late tonight or tomorrow afternoon. It was supposed to be up earlier but this week I was faced with a few issues to deal with and haven't been on the computer much. It's also probably going to be a bit shorter than the last few just because I don't have much to write other than an elimination that I don't think will get a very positive reaction. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 00:30, September 12, 2011 (UTC)
Chapter Eight Discussion
Okay, after a longer wait than I'd hoped Chapter Eight is finished. It's unedited at the moment because I'm not feeling great (I passed out this morning and haven't been great all day), but I'll reread it tomorrow and fix it. As for the elimination, it's important storywise even if it doesn't seem to make much sense. Originally this was supposed to happen a few episodes later, but I decided to do it now so I could push another character's elimination until later. Episode Five should be up on it's usual schedule now that I'm not going on vacation or anything anymore, and it's a better episode than this one was. Oh, and if your guess was crossed off in the Final Three Guessing Contest, it's because it's impossible for it to happen anymore. Feel free to make a second guess already. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 04:06, September 13, 2011 (UTC)
Aww, poor Avery. Her little talk to Irina, about everyone treating her like she's nobody. It does feel like that. Also makes me like Irina more.
Issac's little outburst early in the chapter was actually kinda' scary.
Aww, poor Gabe. He's just an egotistical jerk with seemingly no redeeming qualities and... oh wait. Not so poor Gabe. Still, he's mysterious, with what he's doing, and why. I like mysterious!
Yay, Avery is safe! She gets another chance to not be universally hated! And... actually, it's a shame about Robert. And how he felt he needed to leave, and not be a perpetual sympathy vote. So I'm sad, but more happy that Avery lucked into staying! Go and show them all who's boss... err, go and show them all who's not evil!
And ooh, Camille mystery is still mysterious. Still not really sure what's going on there, other than that her behavior is incredibly suspicious. Frank15 05:22, September 13, 2011 (UTC)
Gah! I like Avery even less now! Now she crossed the line from "a good source of drama" to "annoying, stuck up 'female dog'." <-< Don't have any fear, though-- Most characters went up for me. Cara sky-rocketed even further up my list, Robert inches up a bit, being a bit more three demensional now, and I like Gabe a lot more now that he showed some kindness towards Risty, for whatever reason.
As for the elimination... I'm glad Robert quit, honestly. While I liked him more, I was pretty sure Avery was somehow going to be safe, and Issac, yet another favorite of mine, would get out right after Zack. Plus, that would ruin chances at the other relationship I support-- IssacxCara. ... yeah, I'm a hopeless romantic. Don't judge me.
Anyways, I can't wait until next chapter-- And I find it sorta funny how the last three chapter titles all have to do with music ("Secrets, Lies, and Rock and Roll", "Don't Rock The Boat", "Screaming in the Rain" [Singing in the Rain reference]), which is apparently next episode's challenge theme. =P Mrdaimion: Like you, only better. 21:05, September 13, 2011 (UTC)
I caught up on the latest two episodes. They were quite well done. I actually thought pretty highly about the reasons behind the eliminations. They were pretty unique, in my opinion, though I did do that 'Wait' thing after the dramatic pause, before. XD I did feel really bad about the situation with Robert, though. I really did not care for Avery's scolding of Robert. I'm not mad at her, though, for whatever reason. I relate to Robert on a personal level, having a disorder of sorts, and not wanting to use that as an excuse for sympathy. I'll miss him, though, as it was obvious that he had a big heart, and he's the type of character I usually really like. Now, will a female ever be eliminated? I'll have to wait to find out. XD I do have a little trouble keeping the girls straight as to who is who, I think just because there are so many of them still left. But it's no big deal. As for Camille, I think I have a feeling of what she was holding. If I'm right, then... Well... O_O I'm probably entirely wrong, though. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 21:10, September 13, 2011 (UTC)
YAY! NEW CHAPTER! :D I must say, I love Camille. Elena is also awesome still. Paul too, strangely enough. I like how you're giving us glimpses into each character's personality; even the early outters! Zack is one of the most developed characters on the wiki, and that says a lot concerning that he was the third out. Either way, yay for Zack!
Anyway, Camille is now my favorite. Is she a spoiled brat truly? Is she just playing dumb? Who knows! I'm liking her a lot. And even though Elena didn't get a lot of screen time, I still love her!
Surprisingly, Paul and Risty's exchange makes me like them even more. Risty's playing the game, now, which I like. I wouldn't expect her too, but I'm glad she is. And Paul's not just a pawn. In fact, he just might be the chessmaster and Elena's the pawn.
Cara seems a little naive. Her exchange with Camille makes me think that, but I'm probably just imaging things. I do like her participation in the challenge, though.
Angel... he's a jerk, really. I like his personality, and it makes sense that he's blunt, but yet it just bugs me. I like his as a character, though, if that makes any sense what-so-ever.
the last character (before Robert) that I will talk about is Avery. Avery, Avery, Avery... each week you get better. You're portraying the villain in a rather unique spotlight. I like it! I don't think she'll last very long, but I don't care. She's pretty three-dimensional. I think her drama-queen persona is really just an act, but we'll see!
And Robert... good bye. I like reading about you, and you were hilarious at being a weight for people to hold onto. Other than that, you didn't do much despite try to see the best in everyone. I liked you, but I don't know just how much I'll miss you. I'll miss you a little, though.
Great job with this story, Lilacs! Goldenshane 21:27, September 13, 2011 (UTC)
(*cough cough* I'm supposed to be writing an Individual and Society essay but this is more fun. *cough*) Thanks already for the feedback guys! I'll try and address everybody who's commented so far personally...
Frank: Glad to hear somebody has some sympathy for Avery. I figured most people would be ticked at her. But I chose Irina for the scene on purpose, so I'm glad that it made you like her a little more. And I think a lot of the characters' actions in this chapter could be justified with the setting. Pouring, freezing rain can really bring out the worst in people, so maybe Isaac's "scary" outburst is a little bit justified. And (I don't know if this will be seen as a good or a bad thing) you'll be seeing more of Avery soon (though not so much next episode). She wasn't saved from elimination just because I wanted to eliminate Robert. I actually have a reason for keeping her around other than being a villain.
Mr. D: Oh my god, I didn't even notice the musical references in the chapter titles. I feel like such a nerd now. XD And I think if Elena wasn't around as another female antagonist, you might like Avery more. I think Elena's popularity kind of takes away from any of Avery's appeal. But trust me, if this story didn't have a PG rating a lot of contestants would be calling her a "female dog"... among other things, of course. And Isaac really shouldn't have been in the bottom two this episode to be honest. I just couldn't think of anybody else who made sense to put there, and it kind of was like rubbing salt in Avery's wounds to put him there with her. And don't worry, hopeless romantic: there's some more upcoming relationships to support.
Sprink: The dramatic pause is so overused, who hasn't done the wait thing? I'm pretty sure it might happen again sometime in the story too, though it will probably happen some other way. And I really try to keep my eliminations unique without having too many "Lindsay-types" happen (as in, getting eliminated by default after a challenge, though I do have one or two of those planned). I really liked Robert too and wish I could have done more with him, mostly because of the fact that I see that people can relate to him, though his fate really depended on the readers' reactions to other characters. If the situation was different though, I would have loved to write him all the way to the merge. I'm fond of the bighearted strong guys too. And there'll be a girl eliminated really soon (...hint hint, nudge nudge...), don't worry. As for Camille, I really haven't put any more evidence as to what she had in her hand other than it's shiny, so I doubt you'll get it. What it is is kind of out of the blue to be honest.
Shane: I think Zack's just so developed because I originally intended on him making it far, but changed my mind at the last minute. Glad he made an impact though. As for Camille, she gets a spotlight next episode, and I think Elena might get a bigger part too. And I think you might've mixed up Paul and Gabe, but that's totally understandable since there's a lot of characters in the story. And Cara actually is pretty naive. I thought that was a bit obvious from not only her exchange with Camille, but just her behavior in general. And I'm glad that another person actually likes Avery. Most people kind of hate her. XD
Thanks again to everybody! Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 21:53, September 13, 2011 (UTC)
More Avery is a good thing, don't worry ;) Frank15 07:14, September 14, 2011 (UTC)
That was such a great chapter. It was humourous and extremely well written. Can I say I absoutely love the character development that you are giving Gabe. It nice to know that there is a sweet, maybe even NICE guy deep inside of him. Also I really hope you give us (more me) some Elena/Sebastian scenes. I love those two together. I really really really do. I'm a sucker for the antogonist relationships. Also I was so scared that Avery was gonna be gone. I was so happy that Robert decided to take himself out, because it saved two of my favorites. Although I do think Avery was a bit out of line for what she said to him. Now I really can't wait for Episode Five because from what I've heard about it, it's gonna be a good one for one of my favorite shippings.GossipQueen 16:23, September 14, 2011 (UTC)
If I'm not mistaken, this is the first time that Isaac has really pulled his weight (quite literally, in this case) during a challenge. There's hope for him yet, it seems. Robert getting distracted whilst hauling the crate reminded me of a scene from the old Camp TV promo, where (prototype) D.J. was distracted at the sight of a cute little animal and left his teammates in the lurch during a tug-of-war. Something else Robert reminded me of: his attitude that "I could stay in the game a little longer, but what's the point?" is similar to an incident in my own competition story. ("Great minds think alike" and all that.) Finally, was Chris really ignoring Robert's vote against himself? I'm not so sure--unless his voting slip actually said "I quit" or words to that effect, his vote wouldn't carry more weight merely because it was against himself, so Avery would have still have the most votes. Robert had to explicitly withdraw to overturn that result.
Speaking of Avery, hers is a curious case. She seems to be a "designated villain", but she really hasn't done anything villainous unless she really did steal that DVD, as Allison believes. Yes, she's an antagonist, but only in the sense that she antagonizes people, and not (so far, anyway) in the sense of presenting a meaningful obstacle to the protagonist(s). My impression that her becoming a pariah during the fishing challenge was more the result of accumulated past resentments coming to a head, compounded by the miserable conditions, than from anything Avery had done on the boat to that point. Likewise, cutting loose on Robert the way she did seemed to be mainly a case of her own pent-up frustrations causing her to blindly lash out at the first target that presented itself. You seem to be setting the stage for Avery to learn a valuable lesson in humility before the game is over, with the main question being whether she will be humiliated in the process or no. The fact is, I find myself liking her in this story a good deal more than I think I'm supposed to, although I probably wouldn't want to know her real-life equivalent.
Finally, there's the curious case of Camille. (And no, I didn't plan the alliteration.) It now seems clear that she's reasonably bright--confusing ditziness with stupidity is an easy mistake to make. As for the mysterious object in her purse, describing it as "sparkling" makes it sound like some kind of jewelry, because there aren't all that many objects types that are commonly said to "sparkle"; and since Camille's supposed to be "elegant", it makes sense that she would have some kind of bling with her. But why would she feel the need to hide a simple bauble (if such it is), and why would she keep it in her purse? I guess I'll find out when everyone else does. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:19, September 15, 2011 (UTC)
I reread Camille's bio... And I really think my theory is right. XD I don't want to mention my theory, though, since it could give it away if I am right, and I don't wanna do that. But, I can see myself being wrong on it, too, for a particular reason. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 14:40, September 15, 2011 (UTC)
Replying to a few more comments...
GQ: Already talked to you, but figured I'd just say that I'm still experimenting with Elena/Sebastian. I'm thinking it's only one-sided though, or at least that's just how it always turns out when I'm writing it. And of course I couldn't vote out Avery yet.
Gideon: Ironically enough, even though he actually did something this episode Isaac still ended up in the bottom two. I had completely forgotten about that scene from the Camp TV promo, thoughj it is scary similar. And the similarity between are stories might just prove that "great minds think alike" as you said. As for Robert's vote, I feel like he may have said more than that he voted for himself, but because I cut off the confessional where I did anything is possible.
With Avery, I don't necessarily think she fits the "designated villain" mold (or at least not yet), but I believe that her teammates see her that way more than the readers should. Her similarities to Courtney and even a bit of Heather would probably lead them to believe that she is exactly like them, which would be why they choose to treat her not as just an annoyance but as if she is a real villain. And I actually hoped people would like Avery (rather than Elena, who is a surprise fan favorite) eventually or at least take an interest in her, so when people say that they're beginning to like her I feel like I'm doing my job correctly. Her real-life counterpart is not somebody that I would want anybody to meet. I've known her for a good five years now, and I still can't get myself to completely like her. And like I've told everybody else, the Camille issue (though you worded it much better) will be solved very soon.
Sprink: If you managed to get anything out of that vague bio, then I salute you. Camille's biography says possibly less than the bare minimum that you would need to know about her (purposefully, of course.) Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 19:26, September 17, 2011 (UTC)
Chapter Nine Discussion
Episode Five is up! And it's kind of a freakishly long one. Sorry about that. Hopefully that'll be an excuse as to why it was late again. This episode is kind of super important and brings in a lot of character development for a few characters who haven't gotten a lot. Also, all of the lyrics that Ophelia sang are written by me, while the TDWT songs obvoiusly belong to them. Also: Elena's up for votes on the Featured Character ballot! I know how you guys seen to like her. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 06:22, October 2, 2011 (UTC)
I love Avery. She's really not the horrible person everyone thinks she is. She's just Avery. It does sort of feel like she gets a lot of unnecessary hate, a fire Allison's been fueling, who doesn't seem entirely innocent. I also love that Avery still feels like Avery, even feeling bad about snapping at Robert, even apologizing, it still feels like she just knows she's better than everyone else. Or at least she does a good job lying to herself about being better than everyone else, which I'm questioning if that's what's going on. And Irina's so sweet, helping Avery for... I'm not sure why, actually, but it's so nice of her to actually be doing so.
I also love Camille. I think. Or I may change my mind once I actually know what this huge secret is, but that comment she made about good people doing bad things... she was talking about herself. This big secret she has is a bad thing. *shrugs* she's adorable, anyway. Probably.
Ophelia's cute and sweet and innocent. I think. Unless she's hiding something, too. Victor... not so sure about. I'm a bit worried he's going to leave Ophelia heartbroken, but I suppose that remains to be seen. Frank15 07:16, October 2, 2011 (UTC)
First off, Chef would totally have been a VJ. Now that that's out of the way... XD I have a feeling that the contest is going to end up with the cheaters winning, and the losers not winning so much. And I guess I'd just assumed that Allison could sing, based on her unintentional likeness to Allison Iraheta. XD I can't wait to see what happens in chapter 10. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 19:25, October 2, 2011 (UTC)
Urgh, I thought I replied to any comments already but the wiki's been acting up for me...
Frank: I've been trying to write Avery as somebody that people will either like of feel sympathy for, so I'm glad that you do. I think a lot of readers/characters think that she's a lot more heartless or one-sided than she is, so they give her the "Heather" role. I like to think of her as more of a Courtney though. I'm glad she still seemed like Avery though even while she apologized. I really tried to make that obvious. As for Camille, that secret's coming out a lot sooner than I think anybody is guessing. :) And Ophelia is one of my personal favorite characters, so I'm glad you like her now that she's getting some time in the spotlight. Believe it or not she's more relevant to the story than it seems, so you'll be seeing a bit more of her.
Sprink: I actually think it was said in TDI once that he's a VJ... or I might just have made it up at some point and made it true in my mind. Either way, he totally was. XD And you never know with such terrible judges maybe it cheating won't pay off... or maybe it will. Who knows? Allison was only a singer because I couldn't think of another team member who could sing on The Oscars, but I guess the likeness totally works. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 23:57, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
Trivia note: In the TDI talent show episode, Chris did indeed identify Chef as a "former DJ, VJ and rap legend". As for your story, Lilac, I'm curious: did I give you the idea for the chapter 10 title, from my earlier comment? If not, and you came up with it on your own, then more power to you. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:23, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
Aww, poor "Camille." Sorta'. She kinda' sabotaged herself, though, and it probably would have helped her a lot had she rehersed a lie of some sort instead of going psycho on Allison and Angel, in case someone had found the diamond. And while a lot of questions were answered, a lot more were raised. Namely, who is "Camille," anyway? What was she looking for? And there's still that "good people doing bad things" comment. Does she see herself as a good person? Does she wish she were a good person? Am I looking too deeply into that comment?
Either way, I did guess that Ca... er, Veronique was hiding something dark, though it definitely wound up being a darker secret than I was expecting. Kinda' put Missy to shame there.
"Camille" was an incredible character, really. She was very likable earlier, and it ended with the old likable "Camille" being all an act. Or mostly an act--that "good person" comment's still bugging me more than maybe it's supposed to =P She was just such an incredibly well done villain here, with enough hints that something was off with Ca... Veronique, though I'm not sure the hints were there to hint at just how off they were. But yeah, Veronique <333
OK, the Ca... Veronique talk needs to end. Kinda' overshadows everything else in the chapter, though.
Poor Elena. She's miserable. She needs real friends, but she'll push anyone who could be a real friend away.
The beginning with Avery was really sweet. Frank15 07:30, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
General End of Episode Notes: For the songs, anything that looks really familiar belongs to Total Drama World Tour, and anything that doesn't is probably a rewrite. I refuse to take credit for that terrible bagels joke. I read that on a popsicle stick once. Bonus fact: originally the other team won the challenge, but I changed it at last minute. Oh, and Elena's still up on the Featured Character ballot if you haven't seen her there yet.
Gideon: It was named after your earlier comment, and I would have said that in the trivia if I had more time last night. I kind of had a chapter name similar to it planned out, though I thought this worked a lot better. And I knew that "DJ, VJ, and rap artist" thing was said somewhere! I had it written down under a brief bio about Chef Hatchet that I have on my computer, but I just wasn't exactly sure which episode it came from. Thanks for that.
Frank: The Camille/Veronique mystery really hasn't come to a close yet. Even though she isn't physically in the game, her lies and departure kind of left a really big presence on the remaining competitors (especially Cara, as if her whole figuriing out Isaac thing wasn't enough for her). Like you said, the whole thing did open up a lot of new questions, though it also provided answers for others. As for the "Camille" thing overshadowing everything else in the chapter, that was kind of the point for the second half of the episode. A lot of this episode was just bringing together or breaking apart characters to interact for later episodes (which is why it was Allison and Angel who faced Camille instead of Isaac, Gabe and Elena's alliance finally fell apart now, and why Donna had a small but important role as the replacement). The only huge piece of drama was the whole Camille thing, while everything else was leading up to bigger things. I'm definitely not done with "Camille" yet though. Let's just say that the police can't hold her for very long. :) Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 10:53, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
... damn. I did not see the "Camille" thing coming. I liked the drama it provided, however-- although I can't tell if I should like or hate her considering she was the reason for Zack's elimination. xD I wonder how the whole "becoming a diamond thief" will affect the other contestants, Cara in particular. =P Anyways, onto the other contestants: I'm suspecting Wes has his crush on either Ophelia or Donna, considering he didn't want Ophelia to know of his crush so badly and he was helping Donna so much. I'm glad Elena and Gabe broke off their alliance, and that neither went home, considering I love them both. xD I wonder what the future holds for Cara and Isaac, considering that Cara's starting to think of him as an Alejandro. And, last but not least, I'm curious to see if Angel's and Allison's friendship will hold up in the later episodes, as they make a very interesting duo. xD Overall, great chapter, Lilacs. =P Do a barrel roll! 11:08, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
So, I can honestly say that I was entirely wrong with what I thought Camille's secret was. XD I liked her secret, though, it does leave a lot of questions, like the note. There was something I found funny toward the beginning, but since it was at the beginning, I don't remember what it was.Sorry about that. XD But yeah. I liked the chapter quite a bit. Nice work on it. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 15:58, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
MrD: To be honest, for a while I wasn't positive if I was going to keep her secret the same throught the story. So I didn't expect anybody to know what it was. XD (Oh, and I'm really curious to what you thought it was!) And it's not really the "jewel thief" thing that will affect the others (other than the mystery of where the diamond came from), more like the impact her lying and absence has. And I couldn't send Elena or Gabe home just when their drama was getting good! As for Angel and Allison's friendship, Isaac's going to be a little distracted for the next episode or two, so that leaves the daredevil and pyro plenty of time to be idiots together. Thanks for the comment!
Sprink: Same as MrD, I'm really curious as to what you thought her secret was! And if you remember what you thought was funny, I'd love to know, And thanks! Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 23:04, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
Well... I thought the shiny object in her purse was a razor that she was using to shave facial hair, i.e. I thought she was male or transgendered. XD The fact that she kept her purse with her at all times I assumed was for emergencies. Hah. Well, I like your idea better. I forgot to mention that I really liked the switch in feelings of the chapter. The thing with Camille made it seem more like an action adventure story. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 23:10, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, that's what I meant by "jewel thief." xD And eh. I really didn't spend too much time thinking about what it was (if I was right, much less of a surprise), although the thoughts that came into my head were that it was either something similar to drugs or a letter from her parents or something like that, that somehow had something in it she didn't want to reveal to the camera (exactly what though I wasn't sure). xD And hm... Could Isaac possibly be distracted with IsaacxCara? ;D xD Do a barrel roll! 23:15, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
Sprink: Now I really wish I had done that as her secret. It would have been even more dramatic. XD In all honesty though, I did have a diva drag queen character that I almost used when coming up with the characters in this story. Probably around this point in the game, it was going to be revealed that she was actually a very flamboyant male in a really similar way to what you described. I really don't know why I didn't use that character though. And I really tried to make the narration in the part with Camille seem a bit different. There are a few upcoming episodes that are more action/adventure type challenges, so I figured I could try it out here and see if I could successfully do it.
MrD: I figured most people would think drugs, so it makes sense that you'd guess that. As for IsaacxCara... well, there isn't much next episode. Cara's kind of hung up over the whole Camille thing, so Isaac's more distracted by something else. ;) Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 02:31, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
I just want you to know that I read, but never commented befora (IDK why). So, I loved episode 5. It was okay in the start, and I loved the music challenge. I would love to see Cara with either Isaac or Paul. Elena and Gabe conflict was awesome (as always). Specially the "catfight". xD I started to like Alisson and Angel more in this chapter. They are really good together. So, I never would expected that whole thing with Camille Veronique. She was pure sweet and nice. xD I still like her, though. My name is Bruno! 04:36, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
So, Camille had a homping gemstone, whereas I had suggested jewelry. I was in the right ballpark, at least.
A couple of Camille/Allison/Angel scenes reminded me of one of my all-time favorite cartoons shows, The Tick. First, Camille throwing her shoe reminded me of American Maid, a Wonder Woman knockoff who threw spike-heeled shoes to do things like subduing a gunman by stapling his sleeve to a wall. Second, the revelation of Camille’s true identity reminded me of the cameo villain Milton Roe, fishmonger and international jewel thief.
Camille/Veronique’s thuggish attempts to recover “her” diamond from Allison and Angel strongly suggest that she didn’t have a Plan B. Maybe she managed to convince herself that no mere child could actually pose a threat, or maybe it was just the legendary French contempt for all things not French; but in any case, a frontal assault isn’t something I would expect from a sneak thief (which I presume Veronique is) except as an act of desperation. Not to mention that jewel thieves don’t usually have martial arts training, so my money would have been on Allison in a last ditch one-one-one, despite Veronique being older. Although I don’t recall it being explicitly stated anywhere, Allison’s picture makes her look stocky and powerful.
As for Veronique’s gloating “confession”, it must have required heroic willpower to refrain from giving her the line, “And I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”
Concerning the kids who cracked the curious case of Camille King’s caper (and yes, I planned the alliteration this time), Angel really rubbed me the wrong way (unplanned alliteration) at first, but seemed more sympathetic in this episode, and not just because of his role in exposing Veronique. Conversely, I’ve liked Allison from the beginning. It’s hard for me to choose sides between Allison and Avery, because I like them both well.
Regarding Camille’s line that has Frank so bothered, “Good people to bad things”, I for one saw it as nothing more than an observation of human nature. It does remind me, though, of a late episode from the original Star Trek, wherein an alien race, seeking to learn about the human concepts of “good” and “evil” pits Kirk and Spock (plus facsimiles of Abraham Lincoln and a legendary figure from Vulcan history) against simulacra of evil personages from Earth’s history. After Kirk & co. prevail, the spokesalien notes that “’Good’ and ‘Evil’ use the same methods, achieve the same results,” and asks for an explanation. Kirk answer’s the alien’s question with a question of his own, thus revealing the true difference: motive. (The episode didn’t touch on the legendary weakness of evil, i.e. its tendency to turn on itself—evil people will backstab each other in a way that good people don’t.)
As for Episode 5’s other events (what, you mean Episode 5 actually had other events?) I like the amount of attention you put into the “color” scenes. A high word count is the price you pay for that, but the payoff is that it makes the characters more realistic and relatable, and is a great way to develop the characters—something you can’t always do during the challenges. (Some challenges lend themselves well to character development, but others don’t.) I find that I don’t need to consult the character pages to keep the characters straight nearly as often with TDI:FYE as with most other OC competition stories I’ve read.
The singing challenge clearly took a back seat to the Camille/Veronique B story; but the TD canon has episodes like that (“Basic Straining” and “X-treme Torture” being the first two that come to mind), so there’s no reason why you can’t or shouldn’t. The most memorable part of the challenge proper was the official collapse (at least for the nonce) of the Elena/Gabe alliance. It seems those two were just too full of themselves for it to work out. Speaking of “full of themselves”, Avery’s apology really sounded like something that might come from someone who isn’t convinced that they’ve really done anything wrong. In trying to explain her treatment of Robert, the first thing out of her mouth was, “I just had a lot of people treating me badly.” Even if she’s genuinely contrite (and I’m prepared to believe that she is), it’s still all about her. It also did not escape my notice that Avery pledged to make amends by doing her best in the next challenge—something her teammates would presumably demand of her anyway. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 23:32, October 21, 2011 (UTC)
Bruno: I tend to read with the intention of commenting, and then totally forget by the time I'm done with the chapter. :P Elena and Gabe's "catfight" I guess should technically have just been a fight, but I figured Gabe's not manly enough for it to count. I'm glad to hear Allison and Angel are more likable as a pair even though they aren't exactly amazing on their own. That's why I paired them up for the chapter. And a lot of people still like Camille Veronique even with the whole jewel theif thing. Guess you guys are into the villains, huh? :)
Gideon: I think you were actually the only one to suggest jewelry, oddly enough. I thought the whole "shining" think would give it away as either a piece of jewelry or a razor (in case anybody was assuming a cutting secret or something like that). Also, I actually have a relative who's into The Tick, so while I've only seen a few episodes I do know what you're talking about with the American Maid similarity.
I think Camille's lack of a Plan B was mostly for the reason you suggested that she didn't think anybody would be a threat. She is, after all, on a reality show. They're not quite known for having the smartest competitors. I thought about having her be a bit more sneaky about her approach with Allison and Angel, but I chose for her to pretty much attack them both because I assumed that she a) really was caught off guard, b) was kind of still angry about the whole hot sauce incident (since in some way it kind of is Angel's fault), and c) it was a lot more dramatic. Now that you point it out, Allison probably could beat her in a physical fight both because she is stockier in build and that she really is unafraid to cross any lines (so I doubt she'd have any problem in "cheating" in a fight).
I really almost used the Scooby Doo line. I knew somebody would point that out. As I've told others, I purposefully have been planning to pair Angel and Allison together to face off with Camille just because they're two characters that seem to just be (to use your words) rubbing people the wrong way. Angel obviously has come off so far as just a sidekick for Isaac, and a lot of people seem to be biased against Allison because of her harsh nature towards Avery. I thought putting them both with somebody that they really haven't interacting one-on-one with would open up the readers to a different side of both characters. And who knew Star Trek could have such meaningful lessons behind it? I think "a good person doing bad things" is really just a common plotline or character type that opens up a lot of plotlines that could be played around with.
I definitely know that Camille's reveal really took over Episode Five, but the boring challenge was pretty much just a way to have a drama-oriented episode. A lot of the past few challenges have been set up for interaction fueled episodes, while the next few episodes are going to be more challenge-based since the upcoming challenges are more physical than the last ones (some challenge themes coming up are an obstacle course, war, supernatural creatures, and horror movies). I've been hoping as the story goes on, the character pages will be less and less needed. I know some of the characters (like Paul or Wes) are hard to differentiate from one another since they're rather minor now, though in time I think they'll all be involved in at least one major storyline. I was glad a lot of people caught on to Avery's self-centered apology. Even if I was trying to go for something more genuine, it just would have been too out of character to have her straight out apologize, so I'm glad that scene's been mentioned. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 02:14, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
Star Trek actually had a lot of meaningful lessons behind it, some handled with more grace than others. As for FYE's upcoming challenges...supernatural creatures?? Good Lord, don't tell Sprink. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 03:11, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
Sorry there wasn't an update this week. I live in the Northern Connecticut area and was hit by the surprise storm last wekekend. I haven't had any power since last Saturday and just got it back today. If I have a lot of time this week I might end up putting both chapters of Episode Six up together at the end of this week. If not, expect one this week and one next week since I don't want to get too off schedule. Freefalling Lilacs: Can you hear me now? 19:09, November 5, 2011 (UTC)
I just finished reading Talk Show Terrors and really enjoyed your 'fleshing out' of the characters. The changes of interviewers was inspired! Maybe I have a weird reading style, but I try to memorize each character before moving on to the next chapter, so I bog down sometimes. You are an incredible writer and I can't wait to read more. Also enjoyed reading Frank's rankings for this story. Keep up the great work! :D JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 14:58, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
(Pre-Revamp) Episode Six and Seven Discussion
Episode Six/Chapter Eleven is up! Hopefully it was worth the wait. I really don't have much to say other than thank you to everybody who commented on the last episode. I'm hoping that I might be able to make the updates weekly for the next couple of weeks since I have up to the end of Episode Eight planned out into detail, so look out for the next one soon. Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 03:02, November 20, 2011 (UTC)
Great chapter. :) Poor Cara. I felt bad for her, even though her friend was a psycho-crazy-killer-thief (?). I must say, Victor, Sebastian and Donna are all awesome. xD Donna and Wes is cute. :3 Rachel Claire is awesome. I LOLed at Minerva's confessional with the camera. xD Gabe and Elena are epic. They just sound like a couple who is always fighting, even though they are not a couple... Or are they? xD I loved the challenge, BTW. It was pretty awesome. I wonder if the Emmy's will finally lose another member. :P My name is Bruno! 21:13, November 26, 2011 (UTC)
Chapter Twelve Discussion
Chapter Twelve is Up! It's the end of the episode, and I hope the elimination was at least a slight surprise. As for the drama, hopefully nobody was offended by Elena's adopted parents story. Also, I kind of stretched the limits with my PG rating at the end of the chapter with the scene in the cafeteria, but I kept it clean for you guys. Hopefully this chapter's events will get you looking forward for the next episode's intense drama (yes, even more than this episode). I love hearing any comments or predictions!
Also, I may or may not have an episode preview on an upcoming blog, so look out for that sometime soon. I think I'll probably get the next chapter up in a week and a half like this one was. Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 05:43, December 7, 2011 (UTC)
I loved Chapter Twelve. The second round of the challenge was prety awesome. "Wipeout" is awesome, btw. :P I loved Minerva's interviewer moment with Gabe. She could have her own talk-show ("The Minerva Patrikovis Show. xD) Dude, Elena was unexpectedly evil at the end of the chapter. xD I loved it. :D Oh, Gabe was a selfish jerk, but he was one of my faves. :( I'm glad it wasn't Elena, though. My name is Bruno! 20:24, December 7, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks! I watch Wipeout every time it's on, and record it if I can't see it on time. They're so mean but it's so funny. And there's more of Minerva's attempt at a talk show to come. She was meant for this job. :) I've been waiting for a while to get Elena to actually do something productive for a while, so I was so glad when she got to be evil this chapter! I guess since she has nobody now she finally lets her evil side shine through. Gabe was one of my faves too, but he's been planned to be an early out since the beginning. I'm not changing my elimination order based on my surprise personal favorites so it's hopefully more shocking when they're finally eliminated. Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 21:00, December 7, 2011 (UTC)
I'm finding it difficult to believe that Elena is the monster she's portraying herself as. I still believe she's an incredibly insecure girl. I suspect she doesn't really like herself very much.
As for Gabe, he's not really as innocent as he's trying to portray himself here. Yes, he's sympathetic here, but I suspect Elena is, too. And he also seems to delight in antagonizing Elena. Which is sorta' understandable, but he's taking it a lot further than anyone else.
So basically, they're both kinda' jerks. Frank15 21:47, December 7, 2011 (UTC)
Well... pretty much. I kind of think they're both characters you kind of have to figure out on your own, and the way you interpret them is very general. Pretty much hey both just want people to like them, but don't really understand what they can do to make that happen. They feel bad for themselves but won't admit to it, so they try and cover it up with their stupid actions (whether it's depending on somebody they hate or believing that they can become a villain). Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 03:22, December 8, 2011 (UTC)
I've read the two chapters of Episode 6. Well done and nicely detailed, as usual. My only real complaint is that, at the beginning of chapter 12, I had difficulty visualizing the first part of the Round 2 course. Oh, and in case I haven't mentioned it before, Risty has emerged as one of my favorites.
I'm afraid I must disappoint you on one matter, though. I wasn't really surprised at the elimination. After the Emmys lost the challenge, it pretty much had to be either Elena or Gabe, since there weren't really any other likely candidates and you're (presumably) fresh out of jewel thieves. The detailed discussion about voting off Elena was a red flag that it probably wouldn't be Elena, due to the dramatic axiom that a plan which is disclosed to the audience can't go off without a hitch, lest it become a spoiler. (In my own story, there are a couple of these "spoiler" elimination plans; but in those cases, I blow throught the actual ceremony very quickly and treat it as a fait accompli rather than as a dramatic scene, so the real drama is in the vote scrounging.) As for the way Elena saved herself, my take is that the reason Victor and Monique (and perhaps Sebastian, although you clearly intended to be vague on that point) accepted Elena's story so uncritically is that they want both Gabe and Elena gone, and weren't overly particular about who went first. I suspect Elena will have to pull another proverbial rabbit out of her equally proverbial hat to survive much longer, unless the Emmys can continue to dominate the challenges.
Finally, I for one don't think you pushed the rating envelope with the Avery/Isaac scene, although I may not be the best judge of that, given that my own story may be pushing the limits of PG-13 in a couple of places. That's as may be, it doesn't really surprise me that Avery would be the aggressor because, whatever her other faults, she does seem like a girl who would be willing to take what she wants. It looks like Isaac is going to have to make a choice, though. Speaking of Isaac, I mentioned in an earlier comment that I thought he would have to wake up and start pulling his weight if he wanted to get very far in the game, and he seems to have done just that. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 07:11, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
I actually had the biggest problem describing the Round 2 course. The big problem was that I originally designed the courses so they'd be indoors instead of outside, so the upper platforms and danging ropes actually made a lot more sense since they were attached to the ceiling. Right now it kind of seems like they're hanging from the sky, but I figured that everybody could use their imagination as to what they were attached to since it really wasn't relevant to the course's layout anyway.
I was pretty sure that the fact that she wasn't going to be eliminated was obvious after that. A problem that I have whenever The Emmys are facing elimination is that they've always had more major-seeming characters on their team. There isn't one competitor on that team left who doesn't have a major plotline either now or later on in the story, unlike The Oscars where I had to eliminate a few people to get down to the important players. Like you said, Gabe or Elena were the only real choices to eliminate on The Emmys this episode (unless there was another jewel thief thing, which I can assure you there probably will not be). I'm pretty sure that Victor was gullible enough to believe Elena's story, though Monique definitely just didn't care which one was out. Sebastian has other reasons why.
I figured it couldn't help to put the warning on there just in case because I have no way of knowing if a reader is 20 or 12. The scene was originally a bit longer, but I cut it down because it actually did its job much better at a shorter length. Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 11:51, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
I'm a firm advocate of the eliminations not always having to be surprising. If they're all a shock, then they become more predictable. This one was predictable, sure, but some of the other ones haven't been, so it's all good, for me, anyway. I actually read the first part of the episode before yu posted the second half, in preperation to read the second half when you posted it in 'forty-five' minutes that one day. It got posted far later than I expected, but I did finally get to this one. Sorry about the wait (like you anticipate my comments XD). I'm not a big Gabe fan so I can deal with his elimination. I must admit that I'm having trouble keeping the girls straight. There's so many of them that I can't remember who is who, except for Risty, Elena, Avery, and Minerva. I'm not complaining, though, since I really enjoy this story. The thing with Elena and Isaac, I think, at the challenge was a little uncomfortable. Aw. Why can't everyone get along? Well, I know why. Then the story would be boring without conflict. XD Paul is cool. :) I hope he's the one guy who makes the merge. XD Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 16:52, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
Here's a tip about me: I have no concept of time whatever. I actually finished the chapter in the forty-five minutes I promised... but then I got up and did something else. And then I had to edit it, which usually takes a little bit on its own. Think of it this way though: at least I didn't say it'd be up today and post it a day or two later like I usually do. :P And I promise you that out of the next two eliminations, at least one will be a girl. There'll be at least one guy in the merge, I promise. XD Risty, Elena, Avery, and Minerva are obviously the easiest to remember. I wish I could give you some tips to remembering the others. I'll tell you if I can think of any. If it helps, Irina and Monique aren't really important yet, so there's two that you won't have to remember. And I was hoping the scene with Elena and Isaac would end up either being uncomfortable or make the readers really hate at least one of them. Isaac can just never win a challenge fairly, so why make his (sort of) cheating interesting? Oh, and Paul finally gets some shining moments next episode, so maybe he'll earn the right to be a guy in the merge... maybe. XD Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 20:05, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks. I'll appreciate any tips you can give me. XD Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 20:29, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, I'll be blunt. I just gave up on waiting and played video games and went to bed while waiting. XD However, when I awoke for school, it was definitely worth the wait! I LOVE Elena now. I literally felt sorry for her when she told her little fib. And trust me, I do NOT feel anything for most characters on this wiki, so that's quite the compliment, actually. I'm usually, "Oh, that's sad... now I'm bored." But for Elena, I thought, "If this is true, I hope that Gabe gets... oh, there are minors on this wiki..." Okay, the last one was a bit of a stretch... a lot of a stretch, but I really did hate Gabe for his non-existing crime. You're making these characters seem very real, and I like that. Even with published books, I find it hard to care for the characters. Heck, I'd probably laugh if most of the characters on this wiki were mauled by bears. Seriously, that's how little I care for characters. Not just on this wiki, but in general for books and such. So... I suppose I'd laugh if nearly every character in existence was mauled by bears. Yeah... I'm warped. XD Though I did just come back from three finals today... Any who, about the other characters, Isaac was funny. I loved his little scene with Elena and Isaac. Again, real. Plus, Avery and Isaac? Isavery? Aversaac? Snark-shipping? Either way, not expecting it, but I do understand it. Though... an eleven year old's innocence may have been lost in translation... And no, I'm not that eleven year old. XD For length reasons, I'll end my comment here. But rest assured, I'm hooked onto this story. If you're going to lie to an all-knowing admin, you should at least put some effort in it. 22:10, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
Sprink: XD I tried. Sorry again about the time thing. This time around I'll try not to tell anybody if the chapter's coming soon and see how well that goes.
Shane: And Elena has another fan. Believe it or not she was never supposed to be likable, but I guess people are into selfish, vain, prejudiced witches. XD Just kidding. I'm really glad that my characters are making you feel. With things like this, sometimes I think it's better to be more realistic than cartoonish. Thank you so much for the praise about the characters' realistic-ness. That's kind of my goal at times. On to the other characters, Avery and Isaac would be called... maybe Ivery? I really haven't thought about it. I figured most people would be like "where the heck did this come from?" with that scene in the end, but I was willing to risk an eleven year old's innocence because it had to happen. Considering the two characters involved, I couldn't have it play out really any other way and have it be in-character. Technically they do make out a ton on Total Drama, but writing about people making out sounds so much dirtier than seeing it. Sorry eleven year olds, I'm just getting you ready for the world outside of elementary school. XD Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 02:58, December 14, 2011 (UTC)
It should come as no surprise that the TD fandom has a lot of people who are into "selfish, vain, prejudiced witches". (Exhibit A: the canon Heather.) As for the makeout scene, I found it quite tame and well within PG boundaries, since you left virtually all the details to the reader's imagination. The only remotely racy detail was your mention that they were at it for a while. I certainly understand your concern though, as I've learned that the innuendo (which I thought was fairly tame, and amounted to only two brief mentions in any case) that I put in the first chapter of my own story cost me at least one reader. All you can do is write the story you want to write, and let the readers self-select. Since we're not trying to sell anything, I for one believe that pandering to the lowest common denominator isn't worth it. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 01:56, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
Chapter Thirteen Discussion
Episode Seven is finally up! I am so sorry it took so long, but right around New Years I ended up getting really busy so it was put on hold. For the record, I had to plan out everything that happens for the entire episode rather than one chapter at a time, so at least the next one should be out within a week or two.
As for the challenge, I'm not sure if anybody guesed it exactly when I showed the preview image (which is on the Featured Image ballot by the way) but it's actually a rather simple challenge. Unfortunately I'm not much of an action writer but I think I'm doing a good job for the time being.. The next chapter gets more interesting. I promise. Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 11:27, January 11, 20"
I'm finally reading this again, and have gotten through all the contestant introductions. However, in the paragraph--
“Good.” Chris continued on his walk through the film set, leading them through a set that looked like a coliseum. The contestants gaped at their surroundings but Chris continued walking and didn’t allow them any time to stop and stare. Eventually they passed by a set of stairs leading downhill into what looked like an amphitheater from where they stood. “This is where this season’s coation ceremony, the Team’s Choice Awards, will be held.”
--I haven't figured out what "coation ceremony" means. I'm guessing it's a typo. Anyhow, thanks! JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 22:59, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
Oh... my... Lanta. Elena was hilarious. Blowing people's cover like that? Hilarious. Anyway, I liked this chapter. I liked Angel's getting shot. It'd suck to be the first one shot. Speaking of Angel... I loved that fangirl (and the creepy 50 year old who lived in his mother's basement) scene. It's exactly how I view some fans of shows! Rabid. Anyway, Isaac and Donna... two people with poisonous tongues, and you brought them together awesomely! Isaac in his derogatory ways, and Donna in her 'Belladonna' ways. Yes, I had to make that pun. And as Cara, I hope everything works out well for her. And now, onto who I really want to talk about: Irina. Either Irina is extremely sweet, or devious. She has played therapist for both Avery (who's mud scene was again hilarious) and now, Cara. Something tells me she's either using them to her advantage, or actually cares for them. We don't know enough about her yet, but I think she's being devious. Either way, still hooked! If you're going to lie to an all-knowing admin, you should at least put some effort in it. 00:13, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
JLOM: Clearly I'm just making up my own language. XD In all seriousness, I have no idea how nobody (including me) caught that typo before and I'm going to be changing it soon. Thanks for that!
Shane: I was hoping people would find Elena's blowing their cover funny rather than just stupid. As for Angel, ironically I'm pretty sure he would have done well in the challenge had he nod been hit first. It seems like his kind of thing. And the rabid-ness of some fangirls (or boys) is crazy for some shows, so I just had to put that scene in there. Isaac and Donna are just two people who were destined to never get along. There's more of that to come, including in the next chapter. I guess you'll just have to see with Irina. You never know, maybe she is actually as nice as she seems... but then again, maybe she isn't. :) Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 04:13, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
xDD You're welcome! Normally I can figure out what the typo was supposed to say, but in this case I have no idea. Glad I could help. :) JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 05:05, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
Gideon figured it out, duh me. :P "Elimination ceremony." :) JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 05:22, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
Chapter Fourteen Discussion
Chapter Fourteen/End of Episode Seven is up! It's a little late, but I've been really busy this week so I'm glad it's up now. I am so sorry for the elimination, and I'm expecting lots of hate and angry letters. I'm hoping it was out of nowhere. Just remember, almost everything in the story happens for a reason, especially this since it set up an important plotline with Minerva and Sebastian. With this elimination, I also think I eliminated one or two people from the guessing contest, so if that's you make sure you guess again.
I don't have much more to say about the chapter except Isaac gets all the chicks, Donna will be back in action next episode, and Sebastian really was the main character for most of it. I'd love to hear comments on this fairly long chapter, positive or not. Next episode involves monsters and making out, which is probably not a healthy combination. Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 02:28, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
As per my recent practice, I read the two Episode 7 chapters together. I'll admit that you made me chuckle when your edit summary described chapter 14 as "freakishly long". To date, you've described two chapters thusly, if memory serves; and both times, the word count was in the range that I'm trying to get down to with my own story. Speaking of which, it's remarkable how similar our thought processes seem to be, for chapter 14 provided yet another similarity between your story and mine. In this case, it was Sebastian sparing Wes, despite (ostensibly) disliking him, in an attempt to curry favor with Donna. Granted, Sebastian apparently had bigger fish to fry in any case, but the parallel is still there.
Speaking of the bigger fish, Elena's elimination came as no surprise to me. When she and Gabe were the bottom two in ep 5/ch 10, I got the feeling that both were living on borrowed time, especially Elena, since you revealed that she was originally supposed to be an early out but you decided to extend her tenure after she became a fan favorite. In any case, I'm glad to see Elena go--not because I disliked her (although she wasn't one of my favorites) but because I'm hoping Avery (who is one of my favorites) will blossom now that she's no longer living in Elena's dramatic shadow. (That's a point I touched on in an earlier comment, as you may recall.)
And then there are the relationship issues. It seems that both Avery and Isaac are experiencing buyer's remorse, which we probably shouldn't be surprised at inasmuch as both acknowledged during their makeout scene that they really have no business being attracted to each other, let alone acting on that attraction. Avery's in the superior position though--"on top", if you'll pardon the expression--because she's not attracted to anyone else as far as we know at this point, and so has more leeway to use their tryst for extortion.
I liked Irina's "unlikely hero" moment. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than to be good. And my guess as to the nature of the challenge (I guessed a paintall gang war when you posted the preview pic) was reasonably close. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:34, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
I am now caught up. Sorry it took me so long to do so. I must say that I am pretty relieved that both Gabe and Elena are out. What stuck in my mind from the chapter was Elena's treatment of Minerva. It seemed more like what an anonymous troll on the internet, as opposed to something someone would say in real life (unless you know particularly nasty people). It just seemed devoid of any shred of humanity, or any real reason behind it. To be honest, I don't agree with homosexuality, but I don't think it's up to me to judge an individual. So yeah. I guess I should be used to people who don't agree with the practice of homosexuality potrayed as pretty inhuman, but, oh wells. XD I still like the story, and am glad that nasty girl is out. XD That challenge was pretty long, like insanely long, but it was exciting and action packed. I'm glad Donna's alive. Haha. Now that Elena and Gabe are out, I look forward to more even more. I'm sure you can provide drama without these peeps, Like with Isaac's current storyline. Nice work on the chapters/episodes. It had some funny spots, too. Sprinklemisthasn't changed his signature in a long time. 22:31, February 1, 2012 (UTC)
Gideon: I've been trying to keep a limit on myself as to how long these chapters can be. I used to write much longer chapters for stories, but for this one I've been tending to try to limit myself. Compared to the first half of this chapter, this one just seemed freakishly long. I really do cut out a lot from most chapters for the sake of keeping readers' attention, and this one was planned to be much shorter than it was. And I think I've said this before, but "great minds think alike" and all. The competition format seems to lead a lot of people down the same thought process.
You actually seemed to figure out one of my biggest reasons for finally eliminating Elena- she was overpowering more important characters. Being the supposed "villain", she took up a lot of scenes and had a huge personality that tended to drown out other characters. I wanted to eliminate her before she overstayed her welcome, and she definitely will open up the way for other characters to finally shine. As for the Avery/Isaac issue, you seem to have summed it up perfectly.
Sprink: Elena's lines in the scene with her and Minerva were originally written completely differently, but I had to change it in order to keep it more censored. My first impulse when writing this scene was to use more derogatory words, but when I cut those out to make it more appropriate I completely changed most of the lines. I think the overall attitude of the scene was lost, but I think it got the point across even if it wasn't the best. And there are definitely a couple of other, more positive characters who oppose homosexuality, but either a) they don't ever want to speak up about it or b) they haven't had the opportunity to mention it yet. And don't worry, there will still be plenty of drama without Elena and Gabe! Freefalling Lilacs: Because forever is not supposed to end... 02:13, February 7, 2012 (UTC)
Great chapter. Angel and Allison are awesome together. I love them as a pair. Isaac was pretty awkward with the make out thing. I loved the challenge. Violent challenges are the best. xD And it is Paintball, so extra points. :P I loved The Emmys' strategy. And Elena was amazing as always. I like Cara and Irina's friendship. Donna's awesome. She's my favorite. I love Alisson and Avery's conflict. Paul and Irina are cute together. I like this couple. The same about Victor and Ophelia and Donna and Wes. So much couples that I like in this story. xD Elena and Minerva's conflict is definitely fun to read. Elena is so heartless and mean. I love it. :P Avery's dramatic scene when she got hit made me LOL. Yay for irina winning the challenge. She has done more this episode. the elimination was shocking. First Gabe, and now Elena? I never expected her being eliminated early. O_o I'll miss her a lot. Sebastian's is a master mind, and he has good plans. Cara will be devasted when she find out about Avery and Isaac. I'm feeling a lot of drama next in the episodes. Can't wait to it. :D Anne Maria: "Brick may not be attractive in any way, but he is still a person." 14:53, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
I really thought a violent challenge would be pretty popular. They always seem to be favorites for some reason. Fanfiction weirders have strange taste. XD I really wish I could say The Emmys completely had a strategy, but I kind of think Sebastian was making it up as he went. Irina is one of the hardest characters to write so far since she's been such a background character, but I'm glad I was able to get her to make up for it this episode. And I was hoping the elimination would be shocking! I know she'll probably be missed, but she kind of had to go sometime. You didn't think I'd let her win, did you? :) Thanks for all the nice comments, and I can't wait to see if the drama's as good as you're hoping. Oh, and yours was one of the Final Three guesses that got eliminated this episode. Feel free to guess again if you want. FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 03:00, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
Guys, just wanted to say there will be a new chapter soon. I know it's been forever, but I've been overwhelmed for the past couple weeks and haven't even been able to focus on it. I wrote most of it last night, just have to put some finishing touches on it today, so it might be coming in a few hours. I just figured I'd let you know I'm not dead, and neither is FYE. FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 03:53, March 1, 2012 (UTC)
(Pre-Revamp) Episodes Eight and Nine Discussion
After an insanely long wait, Episode Eight/Chapter Fifteen is finally up! I'll admit, I actually hate this chapter. It should have been much better, but I just had too much to cram into one episode. For the record, the episode is supposed to be relationship-based, so the fact that all the supposed "romance" is crammed into one is deliberate. The only part of this chapter that I think turned out right were Edmund Sullen and Monique's role. I really hope you guys hate it a little less than I do. FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 04:24, March 3, 2012 (UTC)
I have to admit, I really don't get why you're so down on this chapter. Certainly, there wasn't a lot of action (unless you use a puckish definition of "action", nudge nudge wink wink say no more), but it had personal byplay to burn. There's nothing inherently wrong with having the challenge take a back seat to more personal storylines. In short, the chapter may not have advanced the main story arc much, but it felt like it did, and that's what counts.
Since Monique presumably didn't know what everyone else was up to during the challenge (although she might have learned of it afterward if people "kissed and told"), I got the impression that the producers took several bits from the same confessional spot and spliced them in at appropriate points, much as might be done in an actual reality show. I cannot comment on your characterization of Edmund Sullivan, er, Sullen, because I have no knowledge of the personage he's based on, nor of the Twilight franchise in general. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 06:01, March 9, 2012 (UTC)
I actually really enjoyed this chapter. I actually love Monique's personality in this chapter, it makes me think that she might actually become more important now that Elena, the big evil is gone. I am definitely aboard the Victophelia train (see what I did there.) train, but something tells me something bad is gonna happen. Just a gut feeling and can we talk about Paul and Irina! It's crazy to think I actually thought he was gay a couple of chapters ago. Definitely love them as well. I was planning on doing a ranking blog but my computer crashed :( GossipQueen
Gideon: This was just a chapter that I had planned almost too much, so I think no matter what I would be disappointed with the end result. I usually prefer the episodes that I can kind of make up as I go, but this one kind of has a lot of things in it that might not be important now, but are actually significant on the long run. Certain parts just didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. And I think the challenge usually seems to take a back seat to the storylines in this story, this episode a bit more than others, so that doesn't bother me as much as it should.
I feel like a lot of reality shows set up a narrator for an episode or a storyline of episodes who gives their perspective on the events after they happened. I really hadn't set one up yet (unless you count Minerva's videos), so I figured Monique's short confessions would do the trick for this episode. I figured the fact that they're out of order was implied.
GossipQueen: Monique is one of those characters who has had to be in the background for a few episodes, so I'm really glad she was likable this episode! I think so far her personality's blended in with one or two others, but I think she'll stick out a little more now. I think with Elena gone a lot of the characters can actually start becoming important. And we'll see about the Victophelia (this is better than Brangelina) thing. As for Paul and Irina, you'll just have to see what happens there too. FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 05:19, March 11, 2012 (UTC)
To anybody who sees this: I am so sorry about being late again with the chapter. I'm expecting the chapter to be up this weekend if all goes right. The main reason is that I've had a lot to do in the past couple weeks and real life > fanfiction. That and this chapter has to be done right to justify this episode's elimination as well as certain events in the next chapter. I'm really not excited to write this elimination as it's one of my favorite characters. :( FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 03:21, March 29, 2012 (UTC)
Chapter Sixteen Discussion
After a long wait, Chapter Sixteen is up. With the long wait kept in mind, I've actually decided to cut an episode out towards the end of the story. Does that mean you should be expecting more double eliminations? Not necessarily. (And no, I will not be pulling a Hunger Games and having two winners. That's just tacky.)
As for this chapter's elimination, this was one of my favorite characters, but I decided that this was where they had to go. This actually triggers off several things, but I hope it shows you guys that really anybody can be eliminated. You'll find out soon how the votes worked out.
Also, the next episode will be more interactive than the last few. You can be expecting a blog post about that soon, but as for now here's a few polls to get you ready for the interactive-ness... FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 08:08, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
I actually read this chapter over a week ago, but have only now found the time to comment. (Bad me.) I did comment on GQ's ranking blog, incorporated here by reference, so I won't rehash those points.
Given the somewhat whimsical chapter title (i.e. "Bite Me") for the first part of this episode, I was half-expecting something along the lines of "Beware Of the Dog" for the second part. (Or, for greater whimsy still, something like "Curb Your Dog".) That's as may be, Victor's elimination--more to the point, Ophelia's reaction to it--make me wonder of Ophelia is destined to follow her namesake into the abyss. After all, her archetype is "insane artist", but so far she hasn't really done anything to warrant the "insane" part.
Outtakes We'd Like To See Department: After her encounter with Paul in the vampire challenge, Irina is sporting not one pair of bite marks, but several, possibly in diverse places. When someone inquires about this, Irina replies with a knowing smile, "Well, he had to be sure", "Once is never enough", or something along those lines. Cue another "hormonal teenagers" remark by Monique in the confessional. Speaking of Monique and bite marks, what she did to Isaac is something I might expect from Avery, but in any case I'd have to say that Isaac brought it upon himself. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:38, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
Chapter Seventeen and Eighteen Discussion
Okay, I'll just leave those polls up there just in case anybody feels like voting for them (also I am lazy and don't feel like changing them to something else). But Episode Nine is finally up! I know, I'm a slacker, I have a long explanation as to what I was doing for so long but I don't feel like I need to have an excuse.
This chapter feels rather empty without Victor around. He was one of my favorites. I think this chapter didn't focus on the usual main characters. Sebastian and Isaac, for example, are both mentioned but don't do much despite being pretty major characters the last few episodes. Oh, and the first scene in this chapter is supposed to be sort of a peek into Ophelia's head. It didn't turn out at all how I wanted, but it's close enough. It'll be explained why Donna is "the ghost" next chapter. I didn't choose that name without a reason.
It's probably annoying that I'm bringing up the Zack issue again with Risty, but I feel like that really had an impact on her. It's not something she's just going to get over. I have plenty of explanation regarding Risty's character, but I'll only write it if anybody wants to hear it. Also, I realize I've made a major time-related error with this chapter's entire concept, but if nobody catches it I'm not going to change it/explain it. Sorry again that this took so long! FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 21:25, June 19, 2012 (UTC)
While I haven't read the chapter yet, I can make some relevant comments based on what you've said here. If you're trying to make a large cast an ensemble cast, it's not realistically possible to give everyone the same amount of "screentime" in each chapter/episode, so the natural solution is to redirect the spotlight from time to time. As for your mysterious explanation regarding Risty's character, that might be worth putting on her character page unless it actually become relevant to the story at some point (in which case you'd presumably put it in the story). As for the temporal error with chapter 17, you probably shouldn't have mentioned it if you wanted it to slip under the radar. Now, your readers are probably going to consider it a challenge. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:40, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
Chapter Eighteen is up! It's a long one, and I'm not really fond of it, but I think it got a few major plotlines in there. Also, warning: if you're opposed to that kind of thing, there's a same gender kiss in this chapter. First note, if the song that Ophelia is singing doesn't seem familiar it's the one that she and Donna related over in Sing Your Heart Out. The press conference also had been completely reworked, so if it seems a bit sloppy at parts it'll probably be updated eventually. As for Paul's phobia, I was hoping to emphasize it more, but at least he got to pass out. Any fan comments that were supposed to go to him will be read by him next chapter.
The Haters section of the press conference was added because I thought it would be nice to throw negative feedback in there too. If it makes you uncomfortable, then I think it gets the point across. Also, I've actually been waiting for this elimination for a while. She was an insanely hard character to write, so I was actually looking forward to getting rid of her. My personal favorite parts of this chapter are the girl/girl kiss and Ramzi. If you have any questions, concerns, etc., just give me a holler here. Next episode's a fun one, much more fun than this one, so I'm looking forward to that. FFL: You're being loud without a sound. 08:23, July 4, 2012 (UTC)
First off, let me say that it’s a crying shame that I’m the first to comment on the Episode 9 chapters, given that I didn’t read either until several days after chapter 18 was posted. Both our stories seem to have lost most of their regular reviewers, and I’m frankly at a loss to understand it. I’ve noted before how many similarities our stories have (some superficial, some less so), and this one is the least pleasant.
Ophelia’s breakdown, which finally justifies the “insane” part of her label, is yet another similarity between our stories. (Sometimes I think we could just about write each other’s stories, except that my muse is better at refining than creating, which is why my story is a reimagining.) My breakdown scene (you’ll know it when you see it, when I eventually post it) will be more like the numbness of clinical depression, which suits the afflicted character, just as Ophelia’s theatrical madness suits her.
The red carpet/press conference challenge got me to thinking. If I’m not mistaken, you don’t have an “official” title for the contestants. In TDI, for example, they were called “campers”, and in TDA they were called “castmates”. Since this season is called “For Your Entertainment”, perhaps they should be dubbed “entertainers”?
Donna’s reaction to Wes’ suggestion that she sleep with…er, share quarters with him until Ophelia comes to her senses was just like her. I can picture some of the girls jumping at the chance to fuel some juicy gossip on the premise that in show biz, like politics, there’s no such thing as bad publicity, but Donna’s the one who doesn’t really want to be there in the first place.
It was nice to see Risty get a big scene. It wasn’t her first, but she’s mostly stayed in the background. Come to mention it, her big scene with Ophelia was somewhat similar to an earlier scene she had with Minerva. For a fun-loving prankster, Risty has turned out to be a pretty fair social worker.
I got a chuckle out of your description of the Style Brigade as resembling “an army of clowns”, since the intricacies of fashion might well seem that way to those not versed in (or not caring about) its mysteries. It also seems fitting in the context of a challenge, considering that the reason clowns are such common phobia objects is that anyone could be under that makeup.
I think Rachel’s assessment of Chris was very astute. At times, he does indeed seem to be phoning it in this season. That might well be the reason why he seems nicer than in earlier seasons, as Donna remarked on in an earlier chapter, not to mention his reason (or at least one reason) for having a co-host.
It was nice for Minerva to be able to meet her blogging idol, but for her sake I hope he’s a better person than the guy he’s based on.
The significant gender imbalance, as referenced by one of the red carpet reporters, is yet another similarity between our stories, or will be when my story reaches a certain point. While there may be “method in your madness”, though, in my case it’s a purely coincidental byproduct of the elimination order following the storylines.
I know this commentary is terribly late, but I hope it was worth the wait, and I needed to get something up before you started posting the next episode. I’ll try to give you my Chapter 18 feedback in the next day or two. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:52, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
I'm actually editing the new chapter right now, but I figured I'd take a break to reply to this while I saw it. I think the main similarity our stories have that probably scares away readers is their length. Long stories tend to intimidate readers, especially in the wiki's format (which is actually why I was hesitant to post FYE here at all in the beginning. I always felt the length would be better for Fanfiction.net, but my desire to migrate to a newer audience overcame my worries about formatting.) I'm disappointed that they backed out so early into this story, since I think the next three episodes are a lot more fast-paced and exciting than many of the earlier ones.
Ophelia's insanity was actually supposed to be more schizophrenic in nature, and though she does have some lingering traits of that I've reworked it to be less specific or even more of a form of hysteria. She was always meant to be a very extreme character, so I figured a theatrical breakdown would fit her better. Her extreme emotions are, after all, what made me think to pair her up with Victor in the first place.
The lack of a term for the contestants is obnoxious to write but is actually done on purpose. Even though this season has a theme, I've always thought that it was a lot more disjointed than the other seasons had been. The challenges are a lot more varied than they were on the actual show, so I thought a label would apply more in some situations than others. "Entertainers" is a great suggestion though that I might end up using in the future...
Donna's always a great character to write since she's so different than the other females. Just as you said, I feel like the other girls would either see the sleep with suggestion as either a media opportunity or be too naive to notice the potential double meaning (well, except for Risty, who I think would just laugh). Speaking of Risty, she's one of three or four contestants who might be having their labels changed. Risty's stereotype was created when Zack was planned to make it farther in the game, but her role in the story has changed completely since then.
I think Chris just seems so much nicer this season because he's really more of an observer than anything. Chris is on this season for the fame and media exposure, and really nothing else. Yeah, he still gets a kick out of seeing the contestants get tortured, but he mentioned before that it's the producers who create the challenges. He's just along for the ride.
I think the gender imbalance is mostly because of the four males in a row eliminated in the first four episodes. It's the girls who tend to have stronger friendships with one another (excluding Isaac and Angel, who really have the only consistent male friendship in the story), so I think that's why they've been staying around longer. And I could never complain about late feedback. I always appreciate any comments. FFL: Until the fall, here we are. 06:35, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
Since I seem to be the only one who’s commenting on this nowadays, you’re getting an extra-long review for chapter 18. (Just in time for me to start reading ch 19/20).
I’ve commented on Ophelia’s breakdown before, so here I’ll say only that you’ve got another trope for your listing in her crushing rejection of Donna.
Isaac isn’t the only one who doesn’t see why he’s considered a “bad boy”. Through most of the competition, he simply wasn’t exerting enough energy for proper badboyness, and didn’t actually start doing anything until recently. On the other hand, the “hormonal teenager” T-shirts suggest that the fandom in your continuity reacts pretty quickly to new developments. That’s as may be, Isaac’s reaction is just like him: go with the flow, and accept the undeniable perks of the role that he’s been shoehorned into.
Speaking of the “hormonal teenagers”, I could well see rival factions emerging: the one that was mentioned, saying “I hate hormonal teenagers”, and the other saying something like, “Hormonal teenagers FTW”.
I’d say that Minerva’s concern that a hypothetically co-hosting Monique would try to take over the video blog is spot on, although this says more about Minerva than Monique. Her display at the press conference notwithstanding, Minerva does seem to have a submissive streak. Speaking of which, the same press conference scene suggests that Monique doth protest too much, methinks, about the whole “hormonal teenagers” thing. She was just jealous (well, envious to be precise) that she hadn’t an opportunity to get “a piece of the action”, just as Risty suggested.
Regarding Allison’s relationship with Avery, I’m not sure that “strengthened” is the right word, although it’s a fairly nitpicky point. I’d have probably said “improved”, since “strengthened” implies to me that their relationship was at least cordial to start with.
When Sebastian interrupts Rachel and Angel/Allison, the references to his larceny in the first challenge seem odd. I would have expected Sebastian to keep that a closely guarded secret and profess ignorance when Rachel called him out on his theft in front of other contestants; but knowledge of the incident seems to have spread, with Angel (indirectly) commenting on it. Although Rachel might have seen the confessional spot where Sebastian revealed what he had done, Angel presumably wouldn’t have. Perhaps Sebastian, in the finest villain tradition, wasn’t able to resist gloating about it? On the other hand, Allison clearly doesn’t know; but if Angel knows or can at least make an educated guess, it seems to me that he would probably have told Allison at some point, since they seem pretty chummy.
I’m with Angel in his protestation that he’s not an arsonist, since an arsonist technically has a profit motive (e.g. torching something for an insurance money). Angel, by contrast, is a true pyromaniac, as his withdrawal scene made very clear.
When Avery chastises Angel and Allison for answering a question “like the Wonder Twins”, I think you missed a good chance to work in a canon TD reference by having her say, “like Katie and Sadie”. Not only do the “entertainers” talk freely about prior seasons (something that contestants in a real elimination game show probably wouldn’t be shown doing), but I also don’t recall that the Wonder Twins typically spoke in unison except when they were activating their powers. (Not that K/S did it frequently, but they did do it.) Besides, given the clones’ lack of success in the canon, comparing Angel and Allison to them might have stung more than the “Wonder Twins” barb.
In-universe, I suspect that Monique’s “hormonal teenagers” rant (not to mention kissing Minerva, since TV Tropes tells us that Girl On Girl Is Hot) will likely go a long way toward curing her screentime deficiency, as it appears to have given her an instant fanbase. (A fast-reacting fandom, as I noted before.) As for the kiss, so much for Monique’s claim that she wasn’t going to do anything different to get more screentime. On a related note, I see that you managed to work in both of the questions I submitted. Glad I could be of service.
Rachel seemed a bit hard up for things to say about Wes. Her question in the “haters” segment basically restated the screentime question, albeit in a more negative tone. On a related note, yes, he’s mainly a love interest, but I wouldn’t go calling him “useless”. Like the Season 1 Trent, Wes has performed competently in the challenges, even if he is something of a cipher otherwise (also like Trent).
Poor Cara. The “fans don’t like expected romance” explanation doesn’t really ring true to me, so I’m guessing that her haters were mainly Isaac fangirls who would rather identify with Avery than with Cara. I hear you, though, in being glad to get rid of her because you found her hard to write for. That’s the biggest reason why I got rid of a certain fart machine so quickly in my own competition story. (That, and the fact that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make a fart joke dramatically important.)
I liked Avery’s “motive rant” at the end. Suffice to say that you’re not the only writer who has someone out to hurt an enemy by derailing a “forbidden” love…
So, there you have it: my mega-review of chapter 18. I can’t guarantee that I’ll always go into this level of detail, since these huge reviews take a long time to compose, but there it is. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 01:12, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
(Pre-Revamp) Episodes Ten and Eleven Discussion
Episode Ten is up! It's kind of a weird one, so I wouldn't be surprised if it scares readers off. The challenge is rather ridiculous, but I liked writing it, so whatever. I've always been fascinated with zombies, so I'm glad I was able to incorporate them into FYE somehow. This is also my first attempt at horror-style writing, so hopefully it's not too hideous. I don't actually have much to say about this chapter other than I think it starts to give a closer look into Wes's, Donna's, and even Paul's characters. Also, I hated "killing off" Minerva and Monique first, but they were the only ones that were really expendable at the time.
I'd love to hear feedback on this episode, since I feel like I took a risk including it in the story since it's so out there compared to the other chapters. Also, I'm going on vacation the week I'm supposed to update, so I think the next chapter will be up a week early. Fingers crossed that I'm actually on time with it. FFL: Until the fall, here we are. 07:45, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
I'm the only one commenting on the talk page anymore (except Gideon), but Chapter Twenty is up! It's really long but possibly one of my least favorite chapters in quite a while. My goal for writing this episode was to write "horror" events without using horror-style writing. I avoided any graphic descriptions or mentioning any blood whenever I could. All scenes had to be obvious that they weren't real, though I think a few turned out a bit too cheesy. My favorite scene was Ophelia and the zombies. I've been waiting to write that scene for a while, and I'm pleased with the way it turned out. The elimination was actually one of my favorite contestants, but they had to leave here for storyline reasons. FFL: Until the fall, here we are. 19:29, August 6, 2012 (UTC)
Although Episode 10 (ch 19/20) was one of the longest, it seemed a quicker read than some of the others, possibly because they were mostly “action” chapters with a relatively straightforward plot.
In the aftermath of the bomb blast, where Camille/Veronique was named as a suspect and the zombies appeared soon after, my first thought was that the bomb was no ordinary explosive, but a “zombie virus” bomb. Moments later, I realized the truth: “Veronique” is as much as mask as “Camille”. She’s really…*gasp*…Lillith, Queen of the Undead! *cue discordant music*
Sebastian was one of the few to keep a level head because he was certain (until the very end, ironically) that the zombies weren’t real. “No reason to be afraid of fans in costumes,” he said; but considering how the fans are sometimes depicted in this story, I’m not entirely sure that he knew whereof he spoke.
The way the zombies somehow rose out of the ground at various dramatically useful junctures reminded me of Icelandic ghosts, which appear in some of the sagas. These ghosts are essentially what we would call zombies, but the word “zombie” had no equivalent in the Old Norse vocabulary, so they were called “ghosts”. The ability of these ghosts to sink into the ground was mentioned on several occasions.
Ophelia’s description of the zombies as “living impaired” was very PC of her, although I’m not sure where she got the idea that “zombie” is a derogatory term. From a strictly grammatical standpoint, though, I think it should be “life impaired”. (“Life challenged” would be even better, the only drawback being that “life challenged” could apply to most of us in a different sense.) Likewise, I think it should really be a “horde” of zombies, rather than a “herd”, which makes them sound like cattle. (Hmm, zombie bulls. That’d be different. Although being TD, it should probably be zombie bears. Or you could have both, to set up a stock market joke.)
Although she put it in (naturally) an excessively self-centered way, Avery did in fact have the proper perspective in her argument with Isaac. The time to mourn the dead is when you’re no longer in serious danger of joining them. As for her concern over her garments, I’m reminded of the parody axiom, “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how slick you look doing it.” In the same scene, my mind’s eye had a very vivid image of Avery’s feral smile, and the bit where Isaac asked her if she had a heart reminded me of a bit from Ruddigore. (Richard: “Does your honor know what it is to have a heart?” Despard: “My honor knows what it is to have a complete apparatus for conducting the circulation of the blood through the veins and arteries of the human body.” Richard: “Aye, but has your honor a heart that ups and looks you in the face, and gives you quarterdeck orders that it’s life or death to disobey?” Despard: “I have not a heart of that description, but I have a Picture Gallery that presumes to take that liberty.”)
Victor and Ophelia’s “Ghost’s High Noon” scene (“With a kiss, perhaps/ On her lantern chaps”, also from Ruddigore) reminded me of an ad for some horror film (possibly Night of the Living Dead 2) that I saw many years ago. The ad said, among other things, “They’re back from the grave and ready to party!” In any case, the scene was a nice inversion of the “you’ll die if you make out in the woods” trope; being already “dead”, the threat of death was obviously no longer a deterrent.
It’s remarkable that it took so long for any of the “zombies” to break character, considering that several of them had various acts of violence visited upon them. They darn near made it through the whole night without any breaks, if you let slide Victor and Ophelia's "dead love". (Love that transcends Death itself! All together now...Awww!) And while I had nothing against Angel, the way Rachel (no “Claire”! So there!) showed Chris what it’s like to have the shoe on the other foot was a nice twist. Live by the fine print, die by the fine print. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 01:53, August 12, 2012 (UTC)
Episode Eleven is up! This chapter took me way too long to write, though it was mostly because I had so much to cram into what I was hoping to be a shorter chapter. Unfortunately, it wasn't. Also, this is actually the third version of this chapter. I had originally written the chapter up using this challenge, but then the episode of Total Drama Revenge of the Island aired with the go-karts and spray paint (which was an episode that I really liked because of Lightning and the shark, but that's beside the point). I was really uncomfortable with the similarities, so I rewrote the chapter with a sports challenge instead. When I reread it and realized I hated the new challenge, I decided to go back to the old one. So... rewriting again! I know the guests are hard to keep track of, but they're a fun bunch so I hope there's at least one that appeals to you. Some who didn't get a lot of attention this chapter will get more in the next part, which is coming who knows when. FFL: Until the fall, here we are. 05:19, August 25, 2012 (UTC)
Chapter Twenty-Two is finally up! I'd explain why it took me so long, but I don't think anybody will end up reading this anyway. This chapter is, again, really long. I think it's the longest one yet. The original draft was so much longer, so it took a lot of cropping to get it down to this length. Unfortunately, that took out a lot of scenes relating to reactions to the secrets and explanations of the relationships between the contestants and their guests. I think the chapter reads a bit choppy, but maybe that's because I know what's missing.
This elimination knocked five people out of the guessing contest. If you were just eliminated, be sure to guess again, as I'm still offering a prize for it! (Which is still staying secret.) I wish I could tell you the next chapter is coming soon, but this one really doesn't have that much planning done for it, so I'm not expecting much. I will be finishing this story, though. Freefalling Lilacs: (Insert clever signature here.) 05:22, September 30, 2012 (UTC)
I’m sorry it took me so long to comment, especially since nobody else seems willing to anymore. That’s as may be, Episode 11 was an interesting one, not that the others haven’t been. Revenge is always a good plot driver, eh? I’ll admit, though, that I was just a bit disappointed when Chris described the challenge as a “high school drama” and none of the snarkers replied with anything along the lines of, “Isn’t this whole show a ‘high school drama’?”
Isaac being able to answer his first question because he happened to be familiar with Monopoly illustrates why that game originally was (and perhaps still is) regarded as educational: by playing it, kids learn about what happens when monopolies are allowed to form. Speaking of Isaac, I’m not quite sure what he expected Allison to do. If the hall was too narrow for him to pass her, she might not have been able to pull over far enough to let him by even if she had wanted to, since you made a point of mentioning that the hallways varied greatly in width.
Isaac’s cart malfunction—becoming a slowpoke machine—seems fitting for the guy billed as “the slacker”. Ophelia’s leisurely, long-winless pace also seems to fit her personality. Speaking of the carts, saying that “sadly, [Avery’s tactic] was working” is an editorial comment that I’m not sure you want. If you do, that’s fine if you’re looking to paint Avery in a certain light; but if you’re not, then I’d suggest replacing “sadly” with something like “remarkably” or “strangely enough” in this line.
Nice, brutal secrets in the first round. In theory, Wes could indeed face prosecution as an accessory to Luke’s crime (or as an “accessory after the fact”, depending on what he knew and when he knew it) but in practice it’s unlikely because that knowledge would probably be very difficult to prove. A lot could also depend on the severity of Luke’s offense. As for the crimes that Wes was personally involved in, there really wasn’t enough detail to be useful; and if Wes has reformed, prosecuting him could do more harm than good. Long story short, the DA’s office probably wouldn’t regard the prospect of prosecuting Wes as being worth the trouble. As for Ophelia’s secret, I wouldn’t be surprised if Sebastian finds a way to use it against her at some point, although doing so would likely be what TV Tropes calls a “moral event horizon”, turning him from a mere antagonist into a full-blown villain.
On a related note, the “Chekov’s Gun” principle dictates that at least some of the revealed secrets must eventually become plot points—Ophelia’s already has—if they’re to be more than throwaways or what TV Tropes calls "informed attributes".
As for the challenge prizes and the fallout therefrom, I’m glad to see that some of the contestants (besides just the strategist Sebastian) realized just how double-edged those prizes really were. Making herself a target to equalize the factions was a gutsy move by Allison, and a unique way to show her softer side. I was sorry to see Risty go, but it certainly makes sense that people would start to worry about her athleticism; and as I noted earlier, I had the impression almost from the beginning that she was fated to be a supporting character. In any case, Allison and Risty were both among my favorites; so in that respect, the strategizing and tiebreaker were lose-lose propositions for me. Forced to make a choice, though, I’d rather Allison stay than Risty.
It would have been interesting to get some additional backstory on the contestants by going into more detail about their relationships with their “guests”, but I understand your concerns about length. It wouldn’t have stopped me, but then my story has a rather different structure than yours. Speaking of chapter length, the first Episode 11 chapter was almost 9,000 words, and the second was almost 12,000. The former is in line with your recent average, but I think you’re right that the latter is your longest chapter to date. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 01:54, November 4, 2012 (UTC)
What ever happened to this story? Will you update it again soon? If not, I'll still probably read it whenever you get around to it, serious props for the story thus far, FFL. Cannot wait for more. Ravioli Ravioli Give me the Formuoli 07:21, December 31, 2012 (UTC)
Wicked GORGEOUS artistry! I've got to catch up with several stories, including this one. Love your writing! =) Jay JLOM He could lead if he would get the lead out. xD 02:35, April 19, 2014 (UTC)
Post-Revamp Discussion
All comments that were made during or after the chapters were rewritten should go right after this header! Thank you in advance to anybody who leaves a message. There's angels in the airwaves tonight, and I need you to stay. 04:04, June 18, 2014 (UTC)
I'm SO happy that you got your trivia and stuff off your fixed harddrive!!! <3 I'm looking forward to catching up on your story again, now that I'm once again caught up on Gid's. :D Happy you're back, too! ^_^ Jay JLOM Since there was no time like the present, we decided to present the present. xD 23:21, June 18, 2014 (UTC)
Finally getting to the revamped chapters. Better late than never, I suppose...
Episode 1 (chapters 1-2): I noted the trivia tidbit about Opal Winfrey being powerful enough to bend the laws of physics, but I daresay she’s not the only one. Rachel Claire seemed to be stashing more in Victoria’s Secret Compartment than would plausibly fit there, especially since her character portrait makes her seem only nicely endowed, not hugely so. Speaking of RC, I did find it a bit too convenient that she left out the profile cards for all the contestants when, as the last interviewer, she would have known whom was left to interview. She ought to have re-stashed the cards she wouldn’t need, in which case I would have liked to see Sebastian try to get them. (I could see Isaac actually trying it in that situation, nudge nudge wink wink say no more.) That said, the subsequent episode recap does suggest that RC may have known exactly what she was doing.
Episode 2 (chapters 3-4): Maybe Sebastian isn’t quite the strategic mastermind that he presumably thinks he is. One might have expected a self-respecting strategist to take greater care to not be overheard. On the other hand, he was pretty dismissive of most of his competitors after reading their stolen profile information, so he presumably didn’t expect that anyone who might have overheard would catch on. Dismissiveness of the opposition has been the downfall of many an arrogant mastermind. Speaking of dismissing, I find it curious in retrospect that Sebastian apparently dismissed Risty so easily. She evidently grew on him. (She does that.)
The new “battle of the music players” scene was a nice addition for several reasons. It provided character development for both Eric and Allison; it made Eric’s elimination seem less telegraphed by promoting Allison as a plausible alternative; and it was a fun comic scene on its own merits.
A word on epithets: “Dirty blond teen” for Isaac (Ch 4) makes it sound like Isaac himself is dirty, which he might be, but you presumably meant that his hair color is a dirty blond. On a related note, common hair colors like “the blond” or “the brunette” are generally not distinctive enough to stand alone as epithets. It’s better to combine these with another trait, such as “the brunet X”.
For Sebastian, “card player” works well enough, but how about something like “card shark”? I liked “the girl in the gown” for Camille. Nice bit of alliteration. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:04, June 28, 2014 (UTC)
Episode 3 (chapters 5-6): The Avery/Rachel scene where Avery scores some fangirl extras for her team’s video ably demonstrates the power of enlightened self-interest. Props to Avery for understanding that.
One scene mentions that Victor is impatient with interruptions that are disturbing his “acting process”. The quotation marks ostensibly mean that those were Victor’s exact words, but it also makes me wonder… was that meant to be a play on “method acting”?
Although Gabe is a pretentious, self-centered sphincter muscle—essentially a blueblood counterpart to Chris—he does make good points about Minerva. Having the truth come out would only make her a different sort of target; and although she doesn’t deserve to be eliminated, at this early stage of the game the same could be said about most of the other players. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 00:21, July 4, 2014 (UTC)
Thanks for the comments, Gideon! It'll probably be easier to reply to them using the same episodic format that you did, so I'm going to copy that from you.
Episode One: I'll admit that I wrote the second chapter of this episode in the middle of the night, so Rachel Claire storing the cards between her breasts was an idea that I had thought was hilarious at the time. I know it's totally exaggerated with how many she kept in there, but I figured it's just an instance of cartoon physics that fit the character (and the Victoria's Secret Compartment is definitely ending up on the tropes list). And Rachel Claire is the type to set up opportunities for drama, so I think she definitely knew exactly what she was doing when she left the cards out. Sebastian stole them out from right under her nose, after all, so you'd think she'd at least notice that they were missing.
Episode Two: I really don't have a specific reason as to why Sebastian didn't consider Risty other than the fact that he just completely overlooked her. Either that or he considered her a potential threat because she's well-balanced socially and athletically, so maybe he had planned on eliminating her early until they unexpectedly became friends. (From a writer's standpoint, though, I knew that Risty wouldn't have reacted very kindly to somebody directing her on how to vote. I knew that she was the kind of person who voted for who deserves it and not who she was told to, so I think I counted her out of being an alliance member without giving a specific reason for Sebastian to do the same).
I actually really like writing Eric, so I knew I had to give him an extra scene. He was an early out who I didn't have a clear idea of personality-wise when I first created him, but he ended up being one of the most comedic characters within the first few episodes. I figured at least I'd give the team a clear reason to vote him off other than his obnoxiousness. As for the "dirty blond teen," I'll probably change the descriptive phrase to something else, but I found it pretty ironic that I made the mistake with Isaac since he's probably one of the only contestants that is a bit dirty (both physically and humor-wise). I really like the phrase "card shark" for Sebastian! I really have no idea why I hadn't thought of that, so thank you for the suggestion!
Episode Three: Avery knows how to get what she wants, so she's well-versed in any method of persuasion necessary. Though the quotation marks weren't put on the phrase for that specific reason, I do picture Victor to be the epitome of a method actor and would need to be in character even when the camera wasn't rolling, so your interpretation isn't exactly wrong. And, believe it or not, Gabe is actually a pretty smart guy. His obsession with his image and slight dependent nature just tends to get in the way, but I've hinted in his bio and his interactions with other characters that he isn't quite as unintelligent as he seems. I think that Gabe would be an asset in an alliance if Elena wasn't in it, but she's so controlling that he never gets to share his perspective and strategy, so we just never get the chance to see it. Thank you again for the comments and I'm glad that you seem to be enjoying the rewrite so far! There's angels in the airwaves tonight, and I need you to stay. 02:54, July 4, 2014 (UTC)
- I could see Sebastian and Risty as "semi-allies" similar to Heather and Cody in LTDI, where their interests may be somewhat aligned but the lack of an acknowledged leader obliges them to enter a separate negotiation every time one wants the other's help. As for Gabe, I never got the impression that his intelligence was anything less than average; but whatever his virtues, he does seem to combine some of the worst features of Sebastian and Elena. Avery and Rachel Claire definitely seem like people who either understand each other, or should. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:01, July 4, 2014 (UTC)
Well I’ve been meaning to read this since forever, and Gideon told me it had been going through some updates, so no better time than now! I apologize in advance if my comments are a bit sporadic, they can be that way at times. But here are my thoughts on the first two chapters/episode one:
Chapter One: I love the introduction of the show, with the rabid fans and the reporter. I also enjoy how Chris is so self-obsessed, you captured that perfectly. One thing that stands out to me compared to other OC fics, is that your Chris is actually loved and admired. Most of the times, Chris is a Butt Monkey. Your portrayal of Chris’ personality feels very much like the actual as well.
The character introductions were nice; short but to the point on whom the character was. I am glad the challenge does expand upon them, as I’m curious to know more about them. It’s hard to tell who I like right away, but I love divas so Elena did capture me immediately. Ophelia was fun too, I like just how obsessive she was with the colors. Camille was rather cute too.
How you describe things in wonderful as well, I can just see everyone and everything perfectly. The grandeur of the film sets marvels me, I can see everything and it’s beautiful. You have a very impressive writing style.
I like the contestants having to make their own food, it is a nice twist, as is the lockdown. I’m positive the lockdown is going to be plot important.
I’d also just like to say I appreciate that Heather reference; something that can bug me is that some contestants just start insulting the others right off the back and expect to stay. It’s a bit unrealistic.
I don’t know if you planned this, but the celebrity interviewers being revealed by having their chairs spun around reminded me of The Voice. I enjoy the celebrity parodies, they were clever (particularly the Ellen expy mentioned as having good dance moves). I’m curious to see if that fourth star who was dropped shows up again.
Also, I cracked up at Chris’ ending narration; “What is in my gift bag from Opal?”
Chapter 2: I like how you used other celebrities hosting interviews with the contestants, it let the humor change depending on the host. In-universe and out, interviews make a great first challenge.
If there was a vibe I got from Monique when she arrived it was that she was confident. Tina doesn’t what she is talking about, but that was rather harsh. So I did enjoy Allison giving her some of her own medicine. I like Allison’s sass and her confidence as well.
I can’t tell if Victor annoys me or charms me xD Not surprised with Josh’s performance. I feel awful for poor Irina though; since she’s gotten here everyone has just compared her to her awful sister.
Wes did remind me of Trent, though his backstory gives him a little something to difference himself from Trent (who is a bit bland). The fact Opal would consider themselves related cracks me up. Also, Ophelia’s paintings sound incredible.
I like the joke her big personality takes over everyone’s interviews, but I honestly thought she was a little harsh in Avery’s interview. I mean Avery seems kind of mean so maybe it is selfish, but these clubs could just be lackluster and she’s fixing them.
I do feel awful for Robert, that’s just sucks. I feel like that something that could cost his team a challenge down the line. I don’t know much about Boy Scouts, but they go through a lot of stages like Cubs to Grizzlies or Eagles or something. It’s not that big surprise Paul’s still a boy scout. I did love Helen’s jokes though; there those bad puns you can’t help but enjoy.
So Elena’s homophobic? She really makes herself easy to hate. I feel really bad for Rachel Claire, she was promised an interview and it went awful.
I can tell I like Donna, her wit is genuinely funny. And Sebastian was pretty clever at getting those info cards. I’m guessing he’s going to be a potential antagonist.
The elimination was to the point, and I like the twist of how someone leaves being different every time. I can’t say I’ll miss Josh too much, since I barely knew him and there are so many personalities to get to know. But I do ship Tina and Josh now (I have a bit of a shipping problem). And Issac’s farewell line killed me.
As a bit of a side note, I’d just like to say your art is amazing. The characters blow me away, particularly their faces. I also love how the cast has such a variety of skin tones.
I feel your story is exactly what I wanted Total Drama Action to be; building up the fame aspect with good celebrity references or jokes. I’m really interested to see more. The fresh faces are all rather likable, as there isn’t anyone who I immediately dislike. I’m glad I checked out the story and really interested to see more of this cast. Code Red. Code Red Mountain Dew. It was pretty popular back then. Some might argue that it's popularity usurped that of regular Mountain Dew. I would argue... 21:39, July 20, 2014 (UTC)
so I've finally gotten around to reading this again, and I just have to say that I'm really glad I did, as (although I've only read the first re-vised chapter so far, because I don't want to rush my way through the story) this is still probably one of the best fanfictions I've ever read
I'm going to try and leave a comment everytime I read a chapter, just because that's something I really started to slack on the first time I started reading, so let's take it from the top with Episode One: (also if this seems disjointed it's because I'm basing my comments off of notes I took while reading so it might seem a little bit all over the place)
first off, this is a really minor thing, but I just want to say that I really, really like how this actually shows how popular Total Drama is and how much fans it has- both because Total Drama is extremely popular (both in real life and in the show), but also because that really fits with the stardom theme of the story
I'd also like to say that I think the introductions are really well done (especially Risty's, Victor's, and Alison and Avery's interactions), and it says something about how incredible the characters are when I'm able to recognize almost every character as soon as I read their name about a year after I read the story (except for Eric, who I had to go to his page to remember, but 21 out of 22 is still pretty remarkable) and that I honestly clapped a little bit when my favorite character, Zack, was introduced (he's not my favorite anymore honestly, because I have different tastes in characters now, but that still says something).
I also forgot how this is actually probably one of the funniest fanfictions on the wiki, because I mostly remembered it for the stellar characters and writing, but I honestly ended up laughing out loud at Isaac getting the show more male viewers and at the elimination ceremoney being called the "Team Choice Awards", along with lots of smaller jokes that were tossed in making me at least smile a little bit.
the challenge for the episode was absolutely genius, as instead of just being some physical challenge that people sometimes talk with others in, the entire challenge basically serves as an extended version of their introductions, as the challenge is just people talking about themselves and showing off their personalities, but it doesn't feel like we're getting overloaded with information about them, or that we're even learning anything about them at all (granted, I'm not sure if that was the intention or not, but that's what ended up happening and it turned out to be a great first challenge). I especially liked Paul, Avery, and Zack's interviews (although Elena's homophobia in hers didn't exactly make her love her, I get that that was probably the point of it).
the characters for this in general are really great and interesting, and I like them all (especially Risty, Sebestian, and Ophellia) except for the odd exceptions (Josh and Eric because they're basically elimination fodder [which there's nothing wrong with, for the record, like everything Total Drama related- including the actual show- has elimination fodder], and Isaac's sexism and Elena's homophobic make them a lot less likable than I remembered them being, but if I remember Isaac becomes less sexist as the show goes on- or, at least, it stops being so apparent, and I don't think Elena really brings up the homophobia ever again unless I forgot something big, so I'll start liking them again soon enough), and how fantastic your characterization is in general kind of astounds me
the first episode was even better than I remembered, and I hope I enjoy the rest of the chapters just as much! (also I haven't used my signature in like a year I wonder what 14 year old me thought would make a cool signature) For sale: baby shoes, never worn. 13:28, July 25, 2014 (UTC)
okay this review is going to be considerably briefer than the last one, because my computer is having troubles so I'm typing this on an ipad, but I still want to give my thoughts on Episode Two because otherwise I'll probably forget to so
the interactions this episode were overall really awesome and great and I was really amused by a grand majority of them (particularly Paul and Eric, because I actually find Eric really funny when he's only bragging about his rock collection, Paul and Irina, very sorry if I got her name wrong but because I'm on ipad I can't double check what her name is, but I always really loved their interactions, and Risty and Zach because okay I admit it I'm starting to remember why I loved Zach so much)- the only interactions I wasnt very fond of was Isaac and everyone except for Angel, because Isaac is starting to really get on my nerves with how much of a jerk he's being, but I'm fairly certain that's just my personal preference because I remember everyone loving Isaac (or, at least, I used to love Isaac, but I'm pretty sure a lot of others did too)- I also really liked the series of interactions having to do with Sebastian and Elena trying to get alliances, because I found it interesting story-wise and I remember this being the point where Gabe, someone else I used to really love (for reasons I'm not sure of honestly) starts to get a lot more screen time, but I didn't include it earlier because it wasn't just one interaction, it was a lot of interactions together that I liked.
I again really liked the challenge, just because it was amusing and allowed plenty of time for the contestants to talk with each other instead of just having them do some physical challenge that wouldn't have been very exciting to read about, and even though the end was a bit predictable it was still pretty amusing to read and I liked it ending early because otherwise it might have started to drag on for just a little bit too long.
All of the characters in general were still great, some becoming even greater, with Eric and Isaac being the only two I wasn't always captivated by as I read their dialogue (both of which are okay, because Eric was eliminated and Isaac is just my personal taste in characters to dislike), especially Risty, Zach, Paul, Robert, and Sebastian, who I'm falling in love with all over again.
The elimination was predictable but I'm still glad it happened because I was starting to get sick of Eric, and I'm looking forward to see what happens next, keep up the amazing writing work, Lilac! (also sorry if I sound too serious or like I'm typing weird in this, I just really hate typing on ipad so I'm trying to do it as quickly as possible while not leaving anything important out.) When I was young, I used to kill ants with a magnifying glass. Now I'm worried I'm doing the same to you. 16:28, July 27, 2014 (UTC)
I'm still on my ipad, so this will be a shorter review too (especially since I read the chapter yesterday so it's not as fresh on my mind), but here's my review of Episode Three.
I really loved all of the scenes in the beginning of the episode (with Zach and Risty being friends, Elena and Gabe trying to have a master alliance, and Avery wanting to murder Allison) all ended up being really amusing, and the small interactions that begin each episode are starting to become my favorite parts of each episode.
Minerva's plot line this episode is obviously one of the biggest points to talk about, and I personally loved it and found it really interesting, even if it makes me absolutely hate Elena now. I ended up feeling really bad for her, and honestly, as much as I love Zach, I have to say that I'm glad he got eliminated over him, just because Minerva doesn't deserve to get eliminated over bigotry, she deserves more than that.
The challenge was really interesting, even if it caused a lot of second-hand embarrassment and was probably my least favorite challenge so far, but I did like a few of the smaller interactions in it (such as Paul and Angel), even if I am annoyed that Risty never realized that Elena probably stole the CD to make their team lose so she could get rid of Minerva, but in her shoes I doubt I'd be able to figure it out either.
I already kind of covered this, but I'll say again that I liked how tense the elimination ceremony was, and even though my favorite character got the boot, I'd prefer it be him over Minerva, although I hope Minerva ends up making it far because of it and that if you ever do a TDA:FYE Zach gets to return for it.
Sorry for the not as great review, it's hard to type on ipad and I last read this yesterday, but point is this was a great chapter and this is the point in the story where the characters really start to develop, and i can't wait to read more! When I was young, I used to kill ants with a magnifying glass. Now I'm worried I'm doing the same to you. 11:21, July 29, 2014 (UTC)