Totally reading sweetie! This haven't started yet and it's better than a lot of stories here! Congratulations! ♥I Will Find My Own Bravado♥ 14:26, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
Hey there readers, if you are liking the story so far dont be shy and leave your signature in here and write who do you want to win and why or tell me your predictions of who will be the top 3 or the next one being eliminated etc you get the idea. THANKS FOR READING :D ◆ Daniel (talk) 01:59, February 27, 2014 (UTC)
Chapter 1-6 Discussion
Ok! This comment might seem slightly harsh, but the goal is to help you with your future chapters!
First off, since there were no real introductions in the chapter, I really have no clue who anyone is. The only characters I know are Adrienne, Oliver and the princess :3
Oh... I may have accidently skipped the 'comic'. WELL I'm BACK now, and have read the comic! The Comic was very comical actually! Which is odd, because I normally can't stand comics because they use more slapstick humour. I really enjoyed the visuals! The images that go along with the story so far are really great!
I loved the infomercials that were placed in the comic, and the flashbacks! It all seems very well put together, and it came together to create a highly enjoyable piece. The characters were all very unique, but you can see what I have to say about them more in my Zactastic ranking blog!
BACK to the First chapter! The challenge was confusing, to be honest. I wasn't really sure what was going on, so I would reccomend going back and rereading it over once or twice to make sure what you have written is what you're actually trying to say. Another BIG point of confusion is what Julien did that was considered cheating? I'm 99% sure it has something to with his stripping, but I don't really know what it was!
On a side note, I'm really loving the entire setting for the story! The urban town appeal is great, and I loved the grafitti bit at the start! The theme of the story really works, and since they're all students it only adds to it! I can't wait to read some more! ZacAttack Rawr 17:32, March 4, 2014 (UTC)
Chapter two time!
This chapter was much better at showing off who the different characters are! I think I have a better grasp of who everyone is supposed to be at this point! Mandy had some great scenes and so did the twins! That being said, Oliver was meh. He seems like a character you'll be pushing to the end despite the fact that he really shouldn't go neary that far.
The images were once again spot on! I love the comic book feel to the actual story, and the dialogues in the comic images really help bring out the characters! I really feel like Mandy and Alice will have some kind of rivalry or conflict coming up, where Mandy just uses her looks and Alice wants to show that she can do everything without the guys help...
The challenge was super! It was MUCH clearer than the last chapter, and the comedy was spot-on! Roy's comments about Oliver were pretty clever and I loved how Roy ended up being the not-so-bright-buff guy! I don't know why but I always find them to be interesting! Even though he was eliminated, he still left an impression on me!
Haha you dont like my poor Oliver XD. About Alice and Mandy you are probably right. Aww I feel bad getting rid of Roy so fast you are the second one that has told me that likes Roy that much. Polly princess oh my XD thanks for continue reading Zac :D ◆ Daniel (talk) 23:18, March 12, 2014 (UTC)
I'm really impressed! You should nominate your story. But I did hate it when Adrianne was taken away. Now Polly is alone:(. Adrianne should come back! I hope Polly wins Neon Lights 17:55, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
Thanks guy idk how to nominate my story or that is that like awars or something? :/ and sorry guys I didnt wanted to get rid of Adrienne so quickly since I found out she was like the public #1 favourite, but she needed to be gone for the plot to progress, maybe you wont see her anymore or maybe you will see more of her in the near future. Thanks for reading guys c:◆ Daniel (talk) 20:43, March 17, 2014 (UTC)
Woah! Sorry for the very delayed reading! Im in Universtity, so I got swamped with school work, and I was a manager at Old Navy too (until they demoted me #Rude) But anyways! Im back and done with school so I have loads of time to read again!
I really enjoyed the challenge as a whole! It really brought out the unique character traits in all of the characters, and the fact that it was Heroes Vs Villains just made it all the more enjoyable! Their powers! Haha! I'm curious as to what is actually going on in the town, because it seems like something mysterious is happening! For example, Sam's scene with Adrienne was super fun... Sadly in resulted in her elimination, but you know I still love her! Haha.
I enjoy a number of the interactions in the story: Princess and Olli are fun, and I can maybe see them as a couple... Unless Adrianne and Olli happens first- maybe the girls will fight over him?! Ahaha. But if that doesn't happen, I will always have Princess and Smiley! I love those two so much ahah! The twins also have a really fun dynamic, they're the happy-go-lucky twins that are like never used in fan fictions, so powoer to you! ZacAttack Rawr 11:57, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
- Oh don't worry about it, thanks for keeping reading. I understand university life is tough.
- Vs Monster :P Actually there was a sub-plot related to that part you are mentioning that didn't make it to the final product because it would make the story longer. Samantha's elimination was to build up the Adrienne+Polly plot to indicate something is very wrong XD
- Oh yes! I was thinking the same, but I don't want them to go that way, since let's be honest the princess is very immature :P and its like a kid, while Olli (aww you called him Olli :3 too) is more of a mature young guy. The Princess/Adrienne/Polly threesome would had been funny XD but like idk I don't think the Princess would fight XD, I think she is more into bad boys (cough cough Brett)
- The twins are double trouble XD glad you enjoy them ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 18:28, April 20, 2014 (UTC)
Chapter four was filled with loads of fun interactions! The challenge, if that was a challenge... I'm still not sure, was pretty unique and waas definatley fun to read, even if it was confusing to follow along!
I really enjoyed the Alice-Cam plot that was going on, it was funny in my opinion, but I actually ship the two! They could be a fun and cute couple, I think! On that note Julien has vanished from the story it seems! He seems to do less and less as the chapters move on, not like I mind too-too much- I never really liked him anyways aha!
The twins continue their cute twin scenes in this chapter! And I'm glad, they're really warming up to me I think! The only problem I have with them is that they don't really fit with the rest of the story, like they usually only talk to each other.
.... My Priness? She's GONE D: NOOO! She was definatley my favourite character at this point! But atleast she left with a gift, giving Olli back his sight- hopefully that does something later on, if not well, eh. I like Olli a little more now than what I did at the start, but I feel like he could definatley improve a lot! ZacAttack Rawr 12:13, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
- It was a surviving horror challenge so yes it was c: Ohhh did you find it confusing? damn I tried to explained the best I could, but I guess having like 4 stories happening at the same time when the teams split it was rather difficult fo follow :c
- You ship Alice and Cam? wow, didn't see it coming (actually I did too :P in a more NORMAL relationship) From time to time, you can see some characters vanish, but thats all made in purpose in order for other characters to shine, if he hasn't being on action a lot was because he was affected by the twins bullying (which actually it was a longer part that didn't made it through the story again for keeping it short, but the twins where going to push Julien to his limits) all that its happening to keep constructing Julien's storyline which will develop more in the near future ;D
- The twins relationships are made in purpose, you see they are only used to being with each other (since they were born obviously hehe), they are in their own world and won't allow someone else to enter in their world very easy. So yes, they only trust in each other so far.
- Hahahaha I liked your reaction, oh yes I didn't want to send her home already, I wanted to have more Brett+Princess material, but the Princess was one of the biggest threats in the competitions, since everything was going to turn ok for her, because of her magical positive aura, so that would mean she would totally win the competition (I liked when you mentioned a while ago, about The princess transforming Polly about a Princess... thats why I decided to get those too away from each other XD since Polly has a dark nature)
- Ugh finally I managed for you to like Olli a bit XD you are a blind racist :P jk, with or without his sight, he will improve, his purpose has been so far to support other characters and develop new sub-stories (like the ones in the next ep) like his relationship with Adrien which lines I love them, specially one Mandy mentioned "You are perfect for each other, you both live in the dark" or "see in black" something like that. ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 18:28, April 20, 2014 (UTC)
The tears were real this chapter. All of the scenes with Adrianne were just so upsetting! Escpecially for a CHRISTMAS episode! But amazing writing on your part! I really enjoy your writing style, and I am GLAD that her 'elimination' was able to shock me. As such a 'big' character I was expecting her to go much further than what she actually did! I guess it's up to Polly from here on out!? #PollyDeservesaWardrobe. I'm really hoping that Olli or someone will take of Polly!
In other news, I forgot to mention how much I am loving Mandy! Despite her (well-deserved) meanness to Adrianne, her character as a whole is a really good play on the \'pretty girl meme'! And her trying to get with Olli was great! Im not expecting her to follow through with that any longer though, now that he isn't able to see again!
Brett has grown on me SO MUCH. Like unexpectedly too, I never thought that he would be one of my favourite characters in your story! He's just plain FUNNY in a really dark way. But I love it! When he mentioned that his therapist thought it wasn't good when he has happy because he tortured plushies I almost died!
The twins are also being very #GuyLIke in this chapter! I love their persona- the only complaint I really have is that theres no real way to tell them apart. But that seems intentional! ZacAttack Rawr 12:29, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
- UGH ikr, a blue christmas :c
- Oh you enjoy my poor english writing skills? XD hehe thank you, that means a lot for me c:
- Shocking elimination for Zac -Status: Achieved! :D I was feeling bad since the readers liked Adrienne a lot and I sent her away very fast DX im a monster... but again her elimination was in order to develop bigger events in the future *gasp* #PollyDeservesaWardrobe OMG HAHAHA TOTALLY! although originally the reason why she could'nt save Adrienne was because she got her Olli clothes stuck in the bed and couldn't move (oh my I can't remember If I left that part on the chapter or took it away)
- HELL yeah Mandy became one of the best characters in my story I love writing for her, she is such a fun character to play with it. She was reluctant to Olli because she couldn't see beyond his blindness, the moment she saw his true self she actually regreat what she did, and decided he was good material, spoiler with or without his sight.
- Fiuuu glad you kept liking Brett!!! I was having creative issues while develop him since I thought I was leaving him way behind other characters. Haha remember not to give him plushies :P
- SPOTTED! glad you noticed! yes thats totally intentional, even more since the beggining of the story I have played with their names and changed them at all time for the reader not to realize who is who except that one of them has a crush on Alice. Even when something like: "Jason what are you doing? -said Jason" (I'm the master mind that has been planning that master storyline since the beggining its the advantage of having all the story written before publishing it on the wikia :P) #GuyLIke ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 18:28, April 20, 2014 (UTC)
... WOah CONTESTANTS got rid of Adrianne? I just kind of assumed it was someone else like from the town or something, but woah! That's some shady stuff right there! Mandy, Jess and Jason? Makes sense I guess, they were kind of devious haha! But that rampage that Polly went on! Oh wow! It was amazing! I love that you really took the comedy, and not reality approach to this story.... unless you actually believe that dolls are magical and stuff... in which case you might belong in the now-destoryed pysch building.... But <3 <3 Loved when Polly gave Olli his item, that was so cute!
The twins are starting to show up more now! And then one of them gets eliminated... but not even the one who was up for elimination? I don't really know how that works, but I won't question it! I'm kind of glad they showed up a lot more in this chapter, because it really gave them A LOT more character growth. They're really devious guys now aren't they! Haha. I'm looking forward to seeing James compete with Julien for Alice!
Jessica, I don't think I've ever commented about her bbefore... But she is also amazing! I didn't think I would like her because of her rash nature, but she's actually incredibly entertaining... Actually I love the entire cast (but not Rick) so I am super happy he got sent packing, he was just kind of meh in my honest opinion. This story is FANTASTIC! Keep up the AMAZING WORK)
- Hehehe indedd they were devious, I think the missing puzzle for that part was only Jason.
- Great! thats a relief I was actually worried many wont like the fantasy stuff parts like Katherines princess powers, Olli getting his sight back for a while (gasp I feel so sorry for him not to have seen Adrienne, i really liked the dialogues between both) and Polly's supernatural nature :p OF COURSE DOLLS ARE MAGICAL! GEEZ WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU????!!!! XD
- Awwww yeahhh haha I liked that part it was very cuteeee indeeeedd***geez ok i might go as well to the asylum since Im fangirling with my own story....***
- The twins have been changing identities after all this time, Jason was supposed to leave the show, but since he is the one who has a reason to stay called ALICE he switched with his brother to stay in the competition #deviousguys. Julien vs Jason is ON!
- Jessica it's rash indeed XD she has a sad background story though which is not in the story but in a pic in Deviantart and that let you understand her behaviour. However I'm not going to tell that part until the moment comes. Rick hehe he was a poor nerd, in my original script he was going to have a freaky moments and his character development was going to be with Julien, since Rick spent his time being jealous of him for his popularity, there was also an episode called "Magic Town" that was supposed to be his ruin, I decided to erase that part since it was too much of a self fantasy to have a Harry Potter based episode :P and because by that time I had a bigger cast (too bad I made the designs for all the characters...)
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH AS ALWAYS MATE I love reading and getting your comments! ...you are totally right DX, I will change it right away!, also if you notice something like that again or a bad written word or spelling mistake plz let me now, I will be very greatful c: ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 18:45, April 20, 2014 (UTC)
I love this camp! <'3Oh - My - Gosh .. It's me .. Amber! :) 18:34, April 2, 2014 (UTC)
Why thank you very much :') glad you think that way ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 02:54, April 3, 2014 (UTC)
Discussion: Chapter 7-10.
CAM </3 I don't really know why but I always enjoyed him! I think it's the tie... Maybe.. I enjoy when people dress up-all-fancy like, it's just how I was raised! Anywho, I don't think that Cam was the spy, but I also know that it's not Jason... Which means the only obvious choice is.... Alice? Maybe IDK tbh. Also Cam's bromance <3 I never really saw it as a bromance, it never really felt like one anyways.
The twins </3 Even when one is long-gone they still manage to confuse the entire cast about what's actually going on! I love how devious they are though- Jason stealing Cam's key </3! But still! One of my favourite characters (I love them all though... PS my ranking are up-to-date.) Anyways, I also really enjoyed how Mandy was basically the only one to realize that James was Jason, her confessional about it was pure gold on top of that!... Also Mandy x Olly? Hmmm I'm intrigued.
Speaking of the blind guy- he's getting close to being a stu. But I have a feeling that's more intentional than not. See, Stu's are made when a character has no flaws that actually effect them. While Olly may be blind, that doesn't effect his performance in the show because the girls are always doing the challenge for him.
Jessica and the Grandmna! I love her as a side character, and when ever she pops up I know that Jess is going to have some fun! I kind of hope that Jess makes it to the final 2 and Granny helps her win the show! Fingers crossed anyways. On that topic though, I can really see Jessica doing something big next chapter--- Or not if it's love-based (I saw the promo pictures </3)
- His poor tie R.I.P. The bromance was only to mock Julien and Cam for her alliance and helping each other, nothing more. In fact that relation ended badly since Julien abandoned him for Alice and frustrated Cam's plans, resulting in his elimination :c
- Oh I just saw your ranking, I will comment in short c: hehe blondes are not that dumc c: Chapter 9: MandyxOlly hehehe.
- Stu: is the name of a cocky bastard who has good reason to be cocky. Gasp, do you really think that about him? (what have I done wrong D':) The girls just helped him with the clown key thingy, and Polly too :P
- Haha exactly thats their relationship between those 2 haha. What are you saying? :P whaat what spoilers spoilers everywhere shut up! XD ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 05:07, April 24, 2014 (UTC)
The irony! omfg. But first HOLY CANADIAN MAPLE BACON! I thought that Jess was like somer super-agent-spy in the competition to kill Brett once she shot him! LIKE HOLY MOOSE! I thought he was dead for sure... but nope. Thank Maple! I think that it actually fits her character! She doesn't seem like the type to want to be tamed, she's the beast ;) Which is why I think it was really fitting that Brett tried to 'capture' her. He would strong-arm her into victory, but he lost! I can't say that I'm not sad to see Brett leave, I really did enjoy his interactions with the contestants, and I was hoping that he might team up with Jason, but I suppose not.
The challenge I think was amazing! It was really good at doing everything that you needed to do this chapter! Having it themed as good vs evil made Brett's elimination all the greater. The amount of effort you put into the art work is evident but I assure you it was WELL worth it! The picture of Alice and Julien was amazing, and I think that it really shows Alice's character, and in that moment right there I could see her winning. You made Alice and Julien such a believable couple!
- First, lovely canadien expression lol. Haha it would had been something to cruel for a humor+drama competition the dead of a character! Haha great word to describe Jessica "The beast" XD oh interesting theory of "capturing her" I liked the analogy!!! she is more like a beast beauty :P Oh my totally in fact one of the first ideas I had was to pair them these two to make them the biggest threat in the competition, but once again, it was too much power although the intention was to break them apart and make them fight with each other to finish their alliance :P after thinking more about Brett's personality, he wouldn't team up with nobody, he is a loner.
- Oh that chapters pics was such a pain but I had been designing the costumes for a while I need to make it shine the most I could (its the chapter with the more quantity of images)
- I loved that picture too! hell I loved that scene :') so madly!!! Well Alice its always acting like a fighter girl but this time I think it was nice to show she is human and has a vulnerable side c: Julien+Alice <3 ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 05:16, April 24, 2014 (UTC)
... The spy lives! Now I'm thinking it might be Amber... or Jason? I'm not really sure :3. But that doesn't matter, because this chapter was AMAZING. My favourite by far! I really enjoyed that they were all paired up, it allowed the love triangle to finally conclude, maybe?? Who knows... If it's not over, I can't wait to see Jason give one last pass at Alice, even though it could be the end for him. Or maybe he'll side with Jessica, he always had a thing for her anyways.
The challenge was once again, perfect for suiting all of the remaining characters! I think that it was one of the MAIn reasons why I can proudly ship Julien and Alice, after everything she chose Julien to share her 'real' dance with. Even still, Jason won the challenge, and rightly so, he's a real mate and definately my favourite in the final 4! Not to mention, the comedy that ensued from the Mandy and Oliver dance sequence... and driving scene... and blood scene...
I CAN NOT believe that Oliver did that to her. But I am glad! it showed that Olly is more of a neutral judgmented person, I still don't enjoy his presence very much though... Although I will say I found it incredibly cute that he went back for Polly! Mandy was the 'real' female villain in the show. Now there's just Jason left.... and the 'spy' if they aren't Jason! On the topic of the blood, you mention that the crown was connected to a bald? I have no clue what a bald is... I'm guessing you meant a bucket? But I really don't know :3
Anyways..... I can NOT wait for more! But I am rooting for a part of the 'couple' to go home next... Just so the final 3 can be as amazing as possible! I think you've done a GREAT job at writing for this cast and I HOPE that you write a sequel! ZacAttack Rawr 10:27, April 24, 2014 (UTC)
- Spies spies everywhere!!! XD and again... SPOILERS SPOILERS EVERYWHERE! XD
- JulienXAlice <3 haha those 2 have very cute moments together. But as in Total Drama happens Im going to make them split :P jk I'm not as cruel as the ones who make the TD show XD
- Ikr a full time of emotions with Mandy Driving with Olli+Dance sequence+Carrie's scene :P
- Oh yeah Olli can be a nice guy, but he is also a guy who believes in doing things right for the ones he cares about. I'm aware he couldn't do much in the competition, even though he can't see he can still do many things, however despite how good at some things he is, he shall bear with his visual disability for the rest of his life. That doesn't mean there cant be people that will stand by him, specially those who live in the darkness ;D (and yey for Olli going back for Polly *Lol Polly Ollie*)
- I dont think in Mandy like a 100% villain, I would define her like the one who knew how to play the game and possibly if she hadn't do the wrong thing (get rid of Adrienne) she probably would have won! But everyone in this life get what they deserve.
- My bad! DX DX DX changed to bucket now, thank you! and I won't say a thing about the final 3 XD
- Thank you very much for your amazing comments they mean A LOT for me!!!, haha at some points you make me think the story is predictable since you managed to discover some things that will happen since the beggining, events and interactions (its scary, stop XD). The sequel happening or not it's still uncertain, however I do have been working on it and I have been giving clues in the story of the new cast (in the last 2 chapters you will see more of it). I loved working with this cast, however I think their stories are complete, and using them again would be like going through the same stuff and might ruin them in the process. However not all the cast for the second season is new, 1 or 2 are coming back and almost all the new ones are related to my original cast in someway. The Sequel will only happen if I keep having time to do it since even right now I'm finding very hard to finish the current story since I'm running out of free time. (whatever happens I WILL finish at least TDT) ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 20:03, April 26, 2014 (UTC)
Errrg, I really enjoyed the newest chapter! It was very.. eh shocking! But I think I'll start with some of the flaws first.... :3
- The challenge was VERY confusing, and almost impossible to follow. I don't know why, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it no matter how hard I tried.
- Julien as the spy. The 'reasons' that Alice 'knew' he was the spy were very generic, they were just examples of things that the spy did, nothing that would really point towards Julien... Schmr..
Anywho, back to reasons for loving this chapter! The conclusion to Julien x Alice was great! I love how they;re not an official couple, but are just a hop away from it! Their interactions dominated this chapter on that note: as in, Jason and Jessica didn't really do anything....
I am curious though to knowing more about Jessica's past, this chapter opened that up and it puts her character in perspective!
- Ahmm can you help me understand what was the thing that make it confusing? or like idk I think it was not a very complicate chapter but thats just me, sooo giving me advice of what was the main problem you found might help me to rewrite some parts for everyone to understand c:
- Well reducing the cast was helpfull, the biggest clue was indeed Cam being the Total Drama Expert, he practically found out Julien was the spy the moment he got framed and Julien staying away from him in his elimination challenge. Like he figured out he was a threat for the spy so thats how he knew he was being framed of stealing Jason's dissecting scissors. He then just told Alice everything he came up with and everything made sense specially since Jason was one of the biggest targets since he threat Julien with the Alice issue.
- friendzone jk XD yes this chapter was Julien and Alice, its the end I decided to give for the spy storyline so thats why the attention its on these 2. Jason and Jessica couldn't really do anything just proved that the spy was better than them and that he could had beat them all if he wanted too.
- Jessica's past was just a glimpse and another few details will be mentioned in the final chapter.
- Haha wow you totally killed me with "Not one of your best chapters" but as always a writer cant always please everybody, still your opinion is greatly appreciated ^^. You do realize the next episode its the last one right? :c
Ugh however idk what to do with the final episode if I should divide it in 2 or not since its quite big DX⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 03:39, May 3, 2014 (UTC)
Herp. So I KNOW you said not to read it... but I went back in the page's history because I WAY too excited! So I read the finale! And it was the bomb! Alice was a true wicked witch to my favourite, Jason! But the scene was definately true to their characters! Also I am very happy with who won, but I think I could have been fine with any of the characters winning at this poing... As a side note, it's interesting how Jessica seemed to care about Alice after the crash, but wanted to kill her during the race... #Justsaying. Anyways I'll add more in when you 'officially' post the chapter :) !ZacAttack Rawr 09:53, June 7, 2014 (UTC)
- Lol thanks for your patience... D: Hahaha If it makes you feel better Alice got the idea from Mandy XD
- The original idea was Alice winning, but I decided it was too obvious, lol it turned just like the Total Drama show, 2 endings one true and one fake ending hehe.
- ENDING A: Alice wins and Jessica loose the competition crying and the town gets destroyed
- ENDING B (Original): Jessica wins and Alice kind of does too (I mean, she gets to prove woman can win and she also gets the guy ;9 What else could she wanted
100,000 cad dollars lol), and the town is not destroyed.
- Well, Jessica never hated Alice. Jessica only wanted to get rid of Mandy, remember? she does hate her. Alice at that moment for Jessica was only a collateral damage hehe. ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 19:24, June 9, 2014 (UTC)
Hehe glad you like it :D Thank you SO MUCH for reading! ⊙﹏⊙▬▬▬ ✖DANIEL✖ ▬▬▬⊙﹏⊙ 19:08, June 9, 2014 (UTC)