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Warning Spoilers Ahead!

General Polls

Which Team is your favorite?
 
4
 
0
 
22
 

The poll was created at 06:21 on July 22, 2011, and so far 26 people voted.
How do you about...interns? (Not foreshadowing...)
 
0
 
1
 
0
 
2
 
4
 

The poll was created at 06:40 on June 23, 2012, and so far 7 people voted.

Favorite Old Contestant

Like the little preview says this show will have old contestants (the 26 or so contestants seen in TDI, TDA or TDWT). Please comment here who you would like to see. Only vote for one contestant. Like stated above you may vote for any contestant the original 22 campers, Sierra, Alejandro, Blainley or even Mr. Coconut. If you have anyone else please ask here and I'll decide. Thank You. Hiding Oreos in her bra. 03:00, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

GWEN! I hope it's candy! Or a whole bunch of shoes! Or shoes made of candy! 03:25, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Noah. -w- "I once saw him juggle a baby, a bowling ball, and an olive. It was made extra hard because the baby pooped." 12:36, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Courtney! In my own little word, they all know me there... 00:31, April 27, 2011 (UTC)

Voting ends Monday!!! Last Of The Gophers!!! 22:56, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

I changed my mind. Voting is over. All 3 made it! I'll post all the old contestants on the page soon... Last Of The Gophers!!! 03:57, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Original Contestant

I would like to use two original characters (designed by users) for the story. I will choose one boy and one girl. You may submit up to 2 characters (a boy and a girl) but I will only choose one of them. Use this format to enter your character. If you have any questions please leave them on my talkpage. I will try to write the characters best according to the guidelines you set out. Here is the format:

Name: Name

User: Username or signature

Stereotype: Goth, Cheerleader, Jock, Punk, etc.

Look: Clothes, Hair Color, and or Style, Eye Color, Skin Tone and anything else you think you need to put in.

Basic Description: Like something that maybe used for a bio (it does not have to be that long if you don't want it to be. Make it as long as you wish) or to help understand the character better so I know how to write for him or her.

Thank you, Rhonda

Name: SG

User: Shadowgeoff

Stereotype: The Shy Technopath

Look: The pic you see to the right.

Description: SG was always quite the shy person. He has only interacted with a few people from school, and is somewhat isolated at home. He feels much more comfortable talking to people online, as it "breaks the borders of speech, appearence, and you don;t have to tell anyone your own issues."



Name: Jessica

User: Omg.Chacha In my own little word, they all know me there... 00:31, April 27, 2011 (UTC)

Stereotype: The Smarty Pants

Look: Wears a pink shirt, jean capris, has long auburn hair, short in height, brown eyes, olive-ish skin tone. (not sure how to describe)

Basic Description: Jessica is just one of those girls, where after you talk to her, you feel like you need to locate the nearest dictionary. Jessica is a proud enforcer of rules, and likes to remind people that she's in charge. Even though she may come across as overbearing, she really is trying to help, and be a good person. Jessica is auditioning for Total Drama What The Heck because she wants to leave her mark on the world, and what better way than to be on TV? (P.S. I'm new to this so I'm very sorry if I did anything wrong!)

Congrats to ShadowGeoff and Omg.Chaca! You win! Hiding Oreos in her bra. 15:25, May 13, 2011 (UTC)


Winner Guessing Contest

Vote for who you think will win! The winner can choose someone to compete next time or choose a contestant for an all star season (if I ever get that far XD). Just put your signature or name next to the name of the contestant you want to win. You may only vote once, but can switch your choice if the contestant isn't eliminated first.

Barbie- Reddy took mine, too, and SG already picked SG. Barbie's an underdog, and revenge shall be sweet! JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 23:16, October 4, 2011 (UTC)

Bradley- Gwen is SO overrated!! 02:30, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Bridgette- Reddy took mine. :P --HINT:A AWESOME USER,that loves Chatango and Chatting but wonders,what's with Cyan? 02:20, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Chef-Just for the lulz.:P Got it memorized? Got what memorized? I have no idea. 19:26, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Collin-

Cody-

Cosmic River- Hippie Luv! Being spotted by the paparazziIt's Lindsay, not from TD! 16:37, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

Courtney- If a canon character wins, it'll probably be her. And she'll have earned it! Frank15 06:00, October 4, 2011 (UTC)

DJ-

Duncan-

Geoff-

Gwen-

Heather- I wanted to pick a OC, but Julie and CR already pick. And Heather's my fav TD.Bruno! Talk! Editcount! 00:14, September 29, 2011 (UTC)</p>

Jovi-Omg.Chacha is mah name, being sarcastic is mah game! 16:27, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Julie- I like girls who are hot hot hot better than girls who are not not not 14:16, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Justin-

LeShawna-

Lindsay- She's shown signs that she's smarter than she lets on. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 20:49, October 4, 2013 (UTC)

One blonde to rule them all, one blonde to find them,
One blonde to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the realm of Chris where the shadows lie.

Mikey-

Nate-

Noah-

Nellie- Jake: Breathe, Feel, Love Life 03:34, October 3, 2011 (UTC)

Rosamond---Spotted at the hottest shows, interview on Charlie Rose, they all want a piece of you! 11:37, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

SG- :P My name is Sierra-Cody now. It's hyphenated. 01:33, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Sierra- TDAddict - You know who he is, and don't forget it. 22:39, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Taylor-

Trent- EnTrey likes peanut butter.

Final 3 Guessing Contest

List the names of who you think will be in the final 3. Whoever gets it right or closest (If I can determine that) will win. The winner gets the same prize for winning the winner guessing contest. You may change guesses and or guess again if you get it wrong. Leave your signature or name next to your guess.

SG, Jovi, Rosamond. Ugh! This latte's cold! You're fired! 03:32, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

SG, Heather, and Cosmic River Being spotted by the paparazziIt's Lindsay, not from TD! 16:38, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

Jovi, Julie, and Chef: for no other reason than because those three are my favorites that this point. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 00:03, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

Barbie, Chef and Mikey It's fun to spray yourself with mace, it's fun to squeeze your mother's face, it's fun to mow your daddy's grass, it's fun to break things made of glass! 02:23, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Jovi, Bradley, and Chef Gwen is SO overrated!! 02:30, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Rosamond, Barbie and Cosmic River, 'cuz they're nice :) JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 23:20, October 4, 2011 (UTC)

SG, Barbie, and Rosamond --If your undies are tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is tight, I'm uncomfortable 23:25, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

SG2

Chapter 1-3 Chat

We all probably know what this is. Anyway I'd like to yay I finally did something. Any questions or comments (unless related to above categories) may be posted here. Thank You. Hiding Oreos in her bra. 03:05, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

OMG. I'm not the only one who has trouble with headings! :D XD Sorry, Rhonda. I hope it's candy! Or a whole bunch of shoes! Or shoes made of candy! 02:55, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Yay, looking forward to this. I hope it's good. :3 "I once saw him juggle a baby, a bowling ball, and an olive. It was made extra hard because the baby pooped." 12:36, April 23, 2011 (UTC)]

Thanks SG and Toad. I hope its good too. Hiding Oreos in her bra. 19:54, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

My favorite newbies are Barbie and Cosmic River. Barbie cuz I generally like Goth characters and Cosmic River cuz it's a cool nam. XD Also, I counted, and it seems the old contestants have 13 people while the newbies have 12. Is there a reason for this or is it just a goof? --Spotted at the hottest shows, interview on Charlie Rose, they all want a piece of you! 12:02, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

XD I didn't notice. It might have to do with fan contest. See Gwen, Courtney and Noah were all going to be in it. But I forgot about Noah. So I thought he was the 13 one. I wanted an uneven amount for... a reason but then I realized Noah was in it so I decided not to. But after checking over a blog post I realized someone had voted for Sierra so I decided to add her. I probably should have added a male newbie but I was really tired so I forgot. I'm not going to do it now as I think uneven will do fine and I don't have any ideas XD . Last Of The Gophers!!! 18:57, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Wow! That was awesome! I liked the chapter, now a little critique on the newbies. Julie annoyed me at first, but I was glad when the rabdomness was toned down a bit. Collin, I could truly hear his annoying voice. XD But my favorite newbies of all, now that I've read, has GOT to be Rosamond. XD I had such a great picture of her! And BeetleJuice made me laugh. XD overall, keep up the good work! --Spotted at the hottest shows, interview on Charlie Rose, they all want a piece of you! 04:00, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

XD!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the comment Reddy. Julie is very random and I tried to tune it down but it was really the rhyming that made her less random. I'm glad you don't like Collin. And I'm very happy you like Rosamond. She is my favorite character from Nate The Great and that book was very close to me in my childhood. I loved her cats too! Thanks for reading and thanks for doing the pics! Last Of The Gophers!!! 04:20, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

I love Ronda! "I said no cussing!" That cracked me up. You have a great way of keeping things light and fun without making them seem childish. I love the part when Julie goes "Too much Bee Gees!" If you would like I can draw up some character designs for new characters.Omg.Chacha is mah name, being sarcastic is mah game! 16:30, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

D! Thank You Chacha. I'm glad you think it's funny but not childish. I'm glad you thought Julie was funny. She was a joy to write for! And I'm glad you like Rhonda. I love her too XD And thank you for offering to draw some character designs but Reddy is going to do them. He has done Jovi and Rosamond! Last Of The Gophers!!! 23:25, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

I loved the first chapter, Rhonda! SG reminded me of myself IRL, of course. Chef being a contestant was a good idea and I'm glad you went with it. The song was pretty funny, and not half bad. :) Keep on writing TDWTH?, and I'll keep writing TD:PB! :P My name is Sierra-Cody now. It's hyphenated. 01:33, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

XD I tried to do SG as well as I could. I love Chef as a contestant and I loved writing the song! And on us writing our fanfcis; I wouldn't have it any other way (if that makes sense X3) Last Of The Gophers!!! 02:46, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

You've got a promising start, Rhonda. There are some grammatical/word choice stumbles, but polish will come with practice. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:29, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Thank You Gideon! I things will only get better from here! I have never had god grammer and have had trouble expressing what I mean in words but I hope I improve. Last Of The Gophers!!! 05:16, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry I haven't done anything. I haven't given up but have been on a field trip for around 6 days and have had no computer acsess till now and am too tired to write. I hope to have it up by late tomorrow. Last Of The Gophers!!! 03:13, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

New chapter up! Finally XD. Three things I'd like to make clear. One I forgot to name teams so that will be done in Chapter 3. Two Do you guys think the words are too close? If so does anyone know how to fix that. Three if you that the ...... are short that is because I tried making them really long but they just stretched out in one HUGE line. Anyone who knows why and can help me please tell me! Last Of The Gophers!!! 03:41, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

Wow, I really liked the chapter! I got a little confused by it, though. It was really funny, especially Rosamond's cats. XD Rhonda and the AI judges were hilarious as well, and I loved the elimination because I hated Collin. SG was awesome, as always. :P XD The alliances were interesting, and I want to see how they do in teams. Can't wait for more, Rhonda! :D Ugh! This latte's cold! You're fired! 04:20, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

Rhonda, others have been having the same formatting problem as you. It looks like the wiki's rich text editor is introducing a bunch of extraneous formatting information when you paste in text from word processing software. Once it's in, all you can do is strip it out manually. (Switch to Source mode to see the unwanted formatting code.) To avoid getting all this formatting crap, switch the Edit window to Source mode before pasting. After you've pasted in your text, you can switch back to WYSIWYG mode (i.e. the rich text editor) if you want, and do any additional cleanup/refinement there before posting your edit.

Note, however, that Source mode handles spacing differently from WYSIWYG mode. Double-spaced paragraphs (i.e. one blank line between paragraphs) in Source mode becomes single spacing (actually, space-and-a-half spacing, which is what you want) in WYSIWYG mode; triple- or quadruple-spacing (i.e. 2 or 3 blank lines between paragraphs) in Source mode becomes double spacing in WYSIWYG; 4 or 5 blank lines in Source becomes triple spacing in WYSIWYG, etc. If you paste single-spaced paragraphs (i.e. only a line break, with no blank lines) into Source mode, the line breaks will be lost when you post, and you'll get a Wall of Text. Note also that, if you paste in Source mode, any italics and/or boldface in your original text may be lost, in which case you'll have to put that back in manually. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:08, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

I'm glad you liked the new chapter ShadowGeoff. If you got confused on something I don't blame you. I find the two things that bugged me most about this chapter was the fight scenes and the dialogue. The dialogue is funny but ending it with Rhonda says or such always confuses me because always write in script format (ex. Rhonda: blah blah). The fight scenes were hard to describe whether they were with monkeys or on the pedestal. It also lacked dialogue so it was kinda of harder to feel the mood I guess. If thats not what you got confused on please tell me so I can make sure I don't do it again. And thanks Gideoncrawle. I understand what your saying and I'm going to try it next time. I appreciate it very much! I think this might eliminate most if not all my problems with formatting. Last Of The Gophers!!! 16:57, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

I haven't commented yet? XD I read Chapter 3 a few days ago, but forgot to comment. I really liked how things go interesting with Gwen trying to tear Julie and SG apart. LeShawna's okay, but rather her than Julie. :P The challenge would've made me really hungry if I hadn't eaten breakfast before reading it. XD The judges were really funny, especially their sarcastic comments to each other. Keep up the good work! :D I really like this story. :) Don't be a rainbow, be a flag. -Lady Gaga. 01:44, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

XD Thanks for commenting. Unfortunately Gwen's trick isn't over yet. I didn't wanna eliminate LeShawna just yet but I wanted a girl to go and felt she was the most expandable. I loved Jenny and Toby and think they'll make the aftermath more fun. I'm glad you love it! Baby could we make a home in the stars, Baby somewhere in a galaxy far, Ohh, ohhh, ohh you're my future love <3 03:43, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

I just realized... The really long team name is a reference to a bunch of wiki stuff. xD

  • The Killer (Canon reference)
  • Kleptomaniacal (TDO reference)
  • Top Banana Bottom Feeding (TD:TAS reference)
  • Perci (TD:PB reference)
  • OVER 9000 (TDS/DBZ reference)
  • Muskies (LTDI reference)
  • of Goth Magical Whatnot (???)
  • Globetrotting Locusts (TDL reference)
  • Studded (TDS reference)
  • Jumping (TDO reference)
  • Lemmings (???)
  • MEH BUKKIT League Of Super Justice (TDL reference)

O.o --Spotted at the hottest shows, interview on Charlie Rose, they all want a piece of you! 19:56, July 15, 2011 (UTC)

Speaking of wiki references, although Rhonda didn't mention it in the Notes, I wonder if Izzy's disappearance (Chapter 2) might be a Legacy reference. In both stories, Izzy is believed to rest in a watery grave, although her body was never recovered; and Rhonda previously stated her intent to include allusions to a lot of other wiki stuff. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:36, July 16, 2011 (UTC)

Although it probably wouldn't have affected the outcome, due to the teamwork aspect of the judging, the Bulldogs didn't make the best use of their talent. The smarter thing to do would have been to put D.J. and Hatchet--presumably the team's best cooks--on different courses, with one on the omelet and the other on the crepes. Also, the initial description of Jenny sounds a lot like Izzy. (Hmm, I wonder...) There were undoubtedly a number of wiki allusions that I didn't recognize, since I'm sure we haven't read all of the same stories, I liked the references to the Courtney-bashing genre and the origin of Sunny D. (It bears mention, though, that Sunshine and I are now in some agreement that that my own competition story tells the real story of how Sunny D came to be.)

A couple of technical tidbits. First, there are a couple of places where you have a speaker change without a paragraph break. Second, and more importantly, the first three chapters have a number of errors in word choice. For example, you once said "excepted" when you clearly meant "accepted", and "excepts" when you meant "suspects". There are also several cases of saying "except", when you meant "expect". Also, you sometimes use "your" (the possessive) when you mean "you're" (the contraction of "you are") and "were" when you meant "we're" (the contraction of "we are"). While some of these errors may stem from confusion over what the words mean, I suspect that other cases are simply typos, in which case you may be relying too heavily on your word processer's automatic spell checker. If the misspelled word is also a real word, the spell checker won't catch it, and the grammar checker usually won't catch it either. That said, this is still an entertaining story, and I plan to stick with it. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:28, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

XD I'm glad you caught on to the team name. Goth is for Total Drama Tourism which had a team Goth plus I love goth characters. Magical Whatnot is the name of a team in Total Drama Culture. Lemmings came from one of Omg.Chacha's stories I was planning on reading but haven't done yet. And you were right Gideon, Izzy's death was an allusion to Legacy but I must have forgot to mention it in trivia. I was originally going to make her death the exact same as in Legacy but I don't know why I didn't. I see what you mean about DJ and Chef cooking different dishes but if they did they wouldn't have bonded and Chef wouldn't have apologized so they had to. Plot always trumps reason and sense! I thought you'd like the Courtney bashing stories. XD I loved that preview about Sunny and Duncan. I'm sorry they're so many grammer mistakes. I will fix them. XD It's funny because in the next chapter Rhonda was going to type and Julie was going to be watching over her shoulder and nit picking about it including her grammer. I'm glad you'll stick with it. I hope for it to get better. I also am hoping to have some television trope & idiom allusions and things that would fit certain tropes in the story as well. Baby could we make a home in the stars, Baby somewhere in a galaxy far, Ohh, ohhh, ohh you're my future love <3 07:07, July 18, 2011 (UTC)

Just read Chapter One :D Hooray! I'm actually in love with the story, and now I feel bad for not actually reading it before! The new characters are all so.... eccentric, and I love how there's a large contrast between them and the contestants who returned. Julie's interactions with Noah were definatley one of the highlights of the chapter in my opinion! I actually really enjoy all of the mini timbit sized references you made throughout the chapter! I'm curious to see if Barbie will befriend the cats- or if the cats will even make it onto the plane (What happens if one or more of them get lost in a foreign country!!). Anyways, I'll post a character rating thingy after reading the next chapter, just so I can get a better feel for everyone! All to say, I really look forward to reading more!! Also:: "And I'll always love you. I'll marry you, and we'll move into a crystal dream fairy tale palace, where will ride magic My Little Ponies and play shuffleboard. I think you may have meant we'll rather than will. (Sorry for pointing it out, I just know you love your grammar <3) ZacAttack Rawr 12:17, September 21, 2013 (UTC)

Thank you Zac! It's completely okay, the fact that you wanted to read it is just awesome <3 The new characters are pretty eccentric and different, and I think part of the reason for that will be explained in a future chapter. Julie's interactions with Noah were a highlight for me [along with the song]. Julie is just to fun too write for. The cats could get lost. They have a very strong love of Rosamond so they usually don't disobey, but sometimes they troll her. 
And I would be SO honored if you posted characters rankings! But don't feel too pressured to. I'm so glad you're looking forward to more! Also, just to warn you though you may have figured out, a lot of future chapters are long, and split into parts, so you might not be able to read in one sitting, so you might wanna read in parts. 
And thank you, I'm always looking to improve my grammar! I did mean we'll. Thank you so much for commenting Zac, makes me feel really glad :) Code Red. Code Red Mountain Dew. It was pretty popular back then. Some might argue that it's popularity usurped that of regular Mountain Dew. I would argue... 02:23, September 22, 2013 (UTC)

Chapter Four chat

Rhonda, I don't know if you have last names for your characters, but I think Noforthwal (pronounced "No Fourth Wall") would be good for Julie. She seems to be your go-to character for Fourth Wall jokes, which may be why she's emerging as one of my favorites. (It might become tiresome in another story, but it works well in yours.) My other emerging favorite among the newbies is probably Jovi. I can see her getting into a friendly (or, at times, possibly not so friendly) rivalry with Courtney, because they're both alpha girls and the fact that they now seem to get along well needn't stop them jockeying for position. She didn't do well in the Jeopardy challenge, but maybe it just didn't play to her strengths. As for the vets, I had to chuckle at the way Lindsay got a critical question right because of something printed on her nail polish bottle. My own competition story will also plainly establish that Lindsay, for all her limited intellect on other matters, is something of an idiot savant when it comes to matters of beauty.

I noted with amusement the story's reference (via Julie, of course) to its own Talk page. I noticed that you copied part of one of my earlier comments verbatim. I'll suggest a revision, though, for the Legacy reference. The way you currently have it ensures that the reference won't escape anyone who's read Legacy, but you might consider making it a little more concise, which would also make it more cryptic and give it a little more of an in-joke quality (since you're probably going to list all the references in the Trivia section, anyway). For example, when Heather says she wouldn't mind if Gwen was dead, Julie could say something like, "Yeah, right. If she was dead, you'd probably name your baby after her." Heather would then think, even more than she did in the current version, that Julie's response was something from out of the blue.

As for the story itself, my only complaint about Chapter 4 was that the play-by-play of the wheel challenge was very repetitive. You should find a way to mix up the description a little.

And, finally, a tech tip: I don't think you use enough commas. Granted, most people don't use as many commas as they once did; but still, it's not a minor point, because there are situations where having a comma or not can change the sentence's meaning. An easy way to check comma use is to read the sentence either aloud or with "mental speech". If the line has any point where you naturally pause for a moment, consider putting a comma there. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 23:59, July 29, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks Gideon. I felt Julie was very funny in this chapter. And I love your idea for her last name. It actually helps for a joke I wanted to make in the next chapter. And I'm glad you like Jovi too. I agree Courtney and Jovi should continue having a rivalry. I'll work on it for the next chapter. And I'm glad you liked Julie said what you said from the talk page. I was afraid it would offend you. I don't know why I did but I don't want you or anyone upset by what I put. I'll edit the Legacy comment. I admit I could have wrote it better. And the wheel challenge defiantly wasn't interesting. I think it might be because of the lack of dialogue. I'll see if I can squeeze another joke in there. And I'll also check for commas. Sadly grammar is not my strength. That is one thing I have to go over. Thanks again Gideon I love reading your reviews! Be prepared for the murkiest scam! Meticulous planning, Tenacity spanning, Decades of denial, Is simply why I'll, Be queen undisputed! Respected, saluted, And seen for the wonder I am! 00:25, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

The first part of the challenge reads much better now. Julie's antics break up the repetitiveness, and your revisions of the play-by-play also helped in that regard. By the by, I took the liberty of going in and cleaning up a bit of obsolete formatting code that was left over after you edited the Legacy reference. I figured you wouldn't mind, and it was easier to do it myself than to tell you where to find it. Also, in your last comment (and somewhere in the story, too, if memory serves) you said "defiantly" when you meant "definitely". (Both real words, but unrelated meanings.) As for my reviews, I strive to give substantive feedback, because that's how a young writer improves. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:01, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks Gideon. I'm glad it is better. And thanks for cleaning that up. Also I'll fix that defiantly problem. And you definitely give substantive feedback :D Be prepared for the murkiest scam! Meticulous planning, Tenacity spanning, Decades of denial, Is simply why I'll, Be queen undisputed! Respected, saluted, And seen for the wonder I am! 05:33, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

Gideon I can't remember where I used defiantly but when I used find (which is something that finds words when you type it in) I couldn't find it. Hello, hello! It's me Picasso! I will spray my words of love. With your name on every wall. <3 05:25, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

I couldn't find it, either, so I must have seen it somewhere else. And I'm very familiar with the browser's Find function, since that's how I expect readers to navigate TDI-G&S. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 17:32, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

Ooooookay, I have finally gotten off my lazy ass and read chapter 4! Yeah, I give priorities to your fanfic over my college assignmemnts, feel honored. Anywaaaaay... First of all, I'm glad you didn't scrap the TD Characters, becausse you can portray them spot-on! Gwen may be the only one not that good because she seemed oddly villainous in the end of the chaper. The whole detective thing was kinda sudden, but I'm intrugued by it. Tidbits I love includes Mikey's reasoning for mermaids to exist, and everyone ignoring the poor guy's question, not to mention other funny moments I can't get from the top of my head. I have to say the Jeopardy challenge was pretty tiresome, though, you could cut the more unimportant moments. To finish, I REALLY liked how Jovi apologized to Taylor, which makes her even more of a great character for me since besides her amazing personality she is self-aware. Hope my comment covered up the chapter well! I plan on readig more when college assignments gives me another break! Manatee12 "I wish my heart was as cold as the morning dew but it's as warm as saxophones and honey in the sun for you." 19:34, September 28, 2014 (UTC)

Thanks for the comment Mana! You don't have to give priorites to my fics over college though! (I feel so honored!) I'm glad the canon characters are holding up (I'm a bit worried they're underfocused). Yeah, Gwen's villiany is really odd for her, but will be explained in the future...
I'm not sure what the detective thing you're referring to means though (Nate didn't appear this chapter :p). I'm glad you enjoyed the humor (Mikey's mermaid joke was added and it's one of my favorites <3) Yeah, the Jeopardy challenge was an awful idea, and now that I am a more experienced writer I think Trivia contests in general are pretty bad in fics. Hmm...I could probably find more to cut. 
And squee! Jovi's aplogy was slightly editied for the revamp, and it's one of my favorite bits so I'm glad you enjoyed it <3  I'm excited to see what you think of another Jovi moments next chapter (though feel free to wait until I've offically revamped, cause otherwise it'll be a mess :|). But thanks again Mana :D But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 04:42, October 5, 2014 (UTC)

Chapter Five/Six chat

Awwww. Julie. DDD: She was totally my favorite, and now I'm out of the winner guessing contest. I hope she returns like Izzy, although there are so many characters that I doubt it. But anyways, Dora was hilarious and I loved the references to TDR in Rhonda's dream. It's fun to spray yourself with mace, it's fun to squeeze your mother's face, it's fun to mow your daddy's grass, it's fun to break things made of glass! 13:52, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

I'm glad you miss Julie Toad. Julie elimination was super unfortunate and I know a few people don't like her leaving. But maybe she will come back but probably not :P Im glad you like Dora. She'll be soon again sometime. And I was hoping you would like the TDR references. It was based on my favorite chapter of TDR and was probably the best part of the whole dream and probably the chapter. Thanks for commenting. Hello, hello! It's me Picasso! I will spray my words of love. With your name on every wall. <3 18:45, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

So far, that's my favorite TDR chap too! I started planning it before TDTJ started. :B It's fun to spray yourself with mace, it's fun to squeeze your mother's face, it's fun to mow your daddy's grass, it's fun to break things made of glass! 18:49, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

XD It's just so funny. My second might be the TV-athon but I'm not sure. Hello, hello! It's me Picasso! I will spray my words of love. With your name on every wall. <3 18:53, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

I couldn't help noticing that Rhonda gets punched a lot in her dream. Do I detect a bit of a persecution complex, perchance? On the other hand, dream sequences have never been required to, you know, actually make sense.

As for Julie, "I have the power to break the fourth wall" indeed. (In superhero terms, I guess that would make her a reality warper.) I was surprised to see her go this early, but she went out in a blaze of something resembling glory. Chapter 5 was a real Julie showcase. (And I liked the way you worked in the Ruddigore verse.) Something tells me that we haven't seen the last of her, so I'll stick with my original Final Three guess for now. In the meantime, it looks like Nellie will be your new standard bearer for offbeat humor. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:39, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

I'm glad you liked the dream. That was my favorite scene. Julie's elimination is the saddest I may ever to write :( But you are right. She went out in a blaze of something resembling glory. Chapter 5 was meant to show Julie love. Julie was gonna have her own theme song in here but I felt she had done enough singing. And I'm glad you liked the Ruddigore verse. It was fun to put in. And who knows? Julie could come back so sticking with your Final Three guess is a good idea ;) Nellie will definitely be more offbeat but I hope more characters will get spotlight as well. Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 04:56, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

On the other hand, it could be argued that Julie did have a theme song of sorts. It worked for Izzy, and it works for Julie. In any case, if Julie returns, maybe we'll see your Julie theme song then, or maybe she'll sing it in the Aftermath. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:15, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

I don't think Julie will have a theme song. It was going to be just a mash up of other songs but more Julie like. I did that and it was funny. And she might sing more song parodys. But I don't think it will be a theme song. Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 05:18, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Some of the "it's/its" changes you just made were right the first time. "Its" is a possessive, so you would use it when you're talking about something (either an item or an abstract quality) belonging to something that you happen to be referring to as "it". If you're contracting "it is", which is what you're doing in the vast majority of cases, then you want "it's". Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:09, August 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks Gideon. I'm going to fix that right now. Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 02:11, August 17, 2011 (UTC)

JULIE!!! I love your story and can't wait for next chapter. :D --HINT:A AWESOME USER,that loves Chatango and Chatting but wonders,what's with Cyan? 02:17, August 17, 2011 (UTC)

Aw thanks :D I really appericate the comment. And I miss Julie to! XD The new chapter should be up soon. Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 02:22, August 17, 2011 (UTC)

IM SUPER EXCITED!!! I CANT WAIT TO READ! GOING TO READ RIGHT NOW! ITS GOING TO TAKE AN HOUR! --HINT:A AWESOME USER,that loves Chatango and Chatting but wonders,what's with Cyan? 01:02, September 26, 2011 (UTC)

I'm so glad your excited Webly! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! It is long. Maybe my longest so far. But I hope you enjoy it! Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 01:09, September 26, 2011 (UTC)

It was a great chapter and I have so many things to say. I THINK BRIDGETTE GOT THREE LINES! XD, shocker. I was kind of surprised Taylor went. I thought it would of been one of the characters without much development like Bridgette. Cosmic River's past was mind boggling and I really liked it. Rosamond is epic in the chapter and Gwen and Duncan breaking up wasn't expected. I honestly didn't think it was really in Courtney's character to be so supportive but hey, it's not my story. Characters that you need to work on from this point are Chef, Bridgette, and Geoff (who I don't really care for). Really great chapter but too long. Try to make it a little shorter in the future. --HINT:A AWESOME USER,that loves Chatango and Chatting but wonders,what's with Cyan? 19:10, September 26, 2011 (UTC)

XD I'm glad you like that Bridgette got a little more screen time. I wanted to give her more but I wasn't sure how. Bridgette will get more screen time, it just hasn't gotten to there yet. I will wrok hard to expanding upon her for you Webly :3 Taylor was suprising but it was for the plot (sorta) and I wanted to use Jovi to show how tough being a leader can be like in this situation. I'm proud of how Jovi did. Taylor was originally going to be third and I couldn't find a good place for her to go either. Cosmic River's past was one of my favorite parts about this chapter and I really like writing for him now and have some new ideas for him. I also feel like Rosamond was very big in this chapter and I loved that. Gwen and Duncan was to seem unexpected and I felt it as needed. Chef does need some work but I have trouble writing for him because I'm not good with his speech. I will work on Bridgette and will try with Geoff. Sorry it was so long but a lot of plot had to be done but the challenge was in five parts and there might be a little too much comic relief. Thanks so much for the reply Webly :DDDDD! Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 20:42, September 26, 2011 (UTC)

Where's Chapter 6 chat? xD So let's start: I really liked the chapter. It was pretty good. I loved the sheep makeover. And the Kangaroos. :3 Well, I didn't liked Taylor that much, she was kinda annoying, and she screwed up in the challenge. I would vote for her, instead of Trent. Julie's segment is AWESOME. I loved it (well, it was Julie, and is written by Rhonda, it's obviously hilarious). Saint Pepper is epic. I'm so happy that Julie liked my gifts. :D This Rebecca Black doll is freaking annoying, but not as much as the real one. IWantMySG15 is so dead. xD I loved her segment. Bruno! Talk! Editcount! 00:15, September 29, 2011 (UTC)

XD Thanks for commenting Bruno :DDDD! And thanks for entering the WGC (Sorry CR and Julie are taken. Are they my fav OCs? :P). That is a good question so I changed it to five/six. I'm super glad you liked the chapter. The sheep makeovers and kangaroos probably were the best parts because they were a little less anti climatic and much funnier. I'm glad you won't miss Taylor. She was annoying and she did screw up again though she wasn't the only one who didn't win their part of the challenge (though she gave no effort). And I'm so glad you loved Julie's segment :DDD! I feel so flattered by your comment on being written by Rhonda. Saint Pepper was so much fun. He and Mr.Coconut will appear again. And I loved your gift ideas. XD What you said about Rebecca Black is funny and true. And yes IWantMySG15 is so dead. I think her segment stole the whole episode. I might do another segment with Julie. Thanks for commenting Bruno and I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter :D! Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 03:07, September 29, 2011 (UTC)

  • has been inactive for like a month lol* I have still been reading this, and I'm finally commenting! :D I'm glad Chef is still in. As for the eliminated contestants so far...I don't miss any of them too much. I'm so excited for more! :D :P I love the comedy and allusions in this storeh :3 Got it memorized? Got what memorized? I have no idea. 23:29, October 1, 2011 (UTC)

XD Thanks for commenting. I'm glad you still like Chef. And I'm glad you don't miss any of the eliminated contestants (you don't miss Julie though? :O). I'm glad you love all the humor and hope you'll like what you read in the future! Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 19:41, October 2, 2011 (UTC)

First of all, Julie is incredible. You know that, I'm sure. She's actually a lot deeper than Izzy, and funnier! Julie is completely awesome, and deserves her popularity! And yay for that random, out-of-nowhere Julie segment in the latest chapter!

I like a lot of the other original characters, too. I don't really dislike any... well, Collin was sorta' annoying, and I feel bad that I often forget Mikey's there. For some reason, he doesn't stand out the same. Probably doesn't help that he hangs with such hyperactive people already as it is =P

If I counted correctly, Bridgette has had nineteen lines in the story so far. That's actually more than I was expecting XD It's not like I'm any good at balancing everyone, and my favorite author isn't that good at it either, so it's all good, but just sorta' fun to notice. I keep forgetting she's there until she talks ;)

It wasn't just Bridgette, but a few characters feel just sorta' there. Which is something I have a tendency to do too, so I don't want it to sound like I'm insulting you, but it's pretty obvious which characters you enjoy writing for more than others. Heh... to some extent, it almost feels like Courtney and Sierra are the only two canon characters in the story ;)

Courtney's incredible here, and it feels like you get her! So nice when so many people despise the poor girl. *sniff* It's so nice reading a non-evil Courtney, but a nice girl who's got a few issues.

Gwen... I'm kind of surprised, but I wound up feeling a bit bad for her. Even as unbearing and cruel as she was earlier in the story, I felt bad for her in the latest chapter. I guess it helps that Gwen's realized that she's got faults, too. It's too bad she just missed out on coming clean before everyone else found out, though.

It was sad, what happened between Taylor and Trent. All just a huge mess of miscommunication between them. And now Taylor's gone. *sniff* Poor Taylor. And poor Trent too, really. You make me like Trent more than I'd ever liked him on the show =D

I'm betting Barbie reminds Heather of herself.

Ooh, ooh! Are we ever going to get to see what Jenny and Toby look like? They seem important enough to see! Unless the vulture killed them. Then maybe I don't want to see their gory remains o_O

Anyway, awesome story! You know that, though =D Frank15 05:44, October 4, 2011 (UTC)

Rhonda, I love how you make so much fun of yourself! I'm superglad that Julie showed up again, and such strange things she gets from her fans! :O Also, I felt a bond with Lindsay's Rose and Rosamond's Matilda. Kudos and thanks! I liked Taylor, but she was forever crying, and I hope Trent gets a girlfriend. I laughed and laughed and laughed through all of chapter 6! Are Jenny and Toby based on someone here or someone you know? Or none of the above? Thank you for a FANtastic chapter!!! Ooooh, and I LOVED that crazy singing doll that Julie couldn't kill. Hmmm...I wonder what movie that reminds me of? *evil maniacal laughter!* XD JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 23:33, October 4, 2011 (UTC)

@Frank Thanks for commenting :D! I'm so glad you love Julie! :DDDD Julie has to be everyone's favorite. I'm glad you didn't like Collin (I hate him D:<) and I know Mikey can be forgetful. I hope to make him more memorable as the show continues but who knows. Bridgette is really forgettable but that will change. I agree that Courtney and Sierra fell like the only canon characters. I love writing a nice Courtney I doubt that will change. And I'm glad you choose her for WGC. Gwen has gone through a lot for only 6 chapters XD and will go through more. I'm glad you like Trent :D! I feel he hasn't been given much justice. Yes Barbie does remind Heather of herself and we'll see that later through the story. I'm glad you like Jenny and Toby. I'll see if I can get Reddy to draw a picture.

@ JLOM Thanks for commenting Ms. Gideon :D! XD I do make fun of myself a lot. I know one part in the story (I think chapter 4) everyone just randomly insults me and think Julie says something about generic insult about Rhonda or something. I know that was a bit of a spoof on how the hosts (and often the writers as hosts) are portrayed as really dumb, creepy and weird. Of course I am all those things :P. I think I'm only there to create comic relief. I loved Julie's segment. XD The fans gave some crazy things but I think that is perfect for Julie ;D I think most of those things will appear in the story again. I'm gad you felt a bond (Rosamond's kangaroo is Bruce but I honestly got confused on those as well). I'm not sure what the Kudos is for but your welcome :D! Sorry Taylor had to go but she did and Trent might get a girlfriend but I won't tell. I was glad you laughed so much (I try). Jenny and Toby came from a script I wrote after finishing a project in science in school last year. I don't know how I came up with them but I loved them and thought they would be funny as new aftermath hosts. XD I loved your pun. XD And that crazy singing doll was awesome but I don't know what movie your talking about (*shifts eyes back and forth) :P. XD I like you picked Barbie. Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 02:52, October 5, 2011 (UTC)

I love your spoof on hosts. I'm glad Jule and her craziness will reappear. Rose, Bruce and Matilda are sweet animals, and the kudos were for giving all the animals a nice big part in that chapter. (Reminds me of someone else writing about animals, but I can't remember who;) I like Jenny and Toby (and the vulture. :) Julie could name her revolting doll Upchuck, since she hates - *singer's name here* - so much. :) Yay Barbie! :D

Gideon told me this was a long chapter. After I read it he told me how long - 20,000 words!! :o I was wondering why it took me helf the day to read! It was completely worth my time, though, and I am truly grateful for all of this! :D JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Mrs. Gideon 19:37, October 5, 2011 (UTC)


"So yeah, your face is pretty soft!!!" I love that so much, from marshmallow people right??? I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. 23:03, October 6, 2011 (UTC)

I enjoyed chapter 6, but from a technical standpoint it's not your best work. You seem to be backsliding with mechanical problems such as multiple speakers in a paragraph and (more seriously) using the wrong homophone or near-homophone. The latter was common enough in chapter 6 to become distracting in places. A notable example was your reference to a kangaroo's "poach". That's a real word, but it's the wrong part of speech (a verb) and a different meaning. (Several meanings, actually, ranging from crime to cooking.) I'll grant the possibility that these problems only seemed more common because the chapter was so long that there would naturally be more incidents, but the point remains. We've discussed this before, and you've admitted that it's a problem for you, but you really need to be a little more skeptical with the spell check.

As for the chapter's plot and incidents, well done on the whole. My only complaint, and it's a fairly minor one, is that some of Nellie's gloom seemed a little forced. Most notably, her saying that the heat of the Outback is not as bad as flames sounds more like an optimistic "things could be worse" attitude than Nellie's "if things can get worse, they will" mindset. I think it would have been more in keeping with Nellie's outlook to follow up her complaint about the heat with a monologue on how people get lost in the desert and die of heat stroke and dehydration, complete with a graphic description of the symptoms.

As you know, Jovi is one of my favorites in this story, and I thought you did a good job with her "lonely at the top" segment. Just one thing, though: saying that she had to do what the team wanted is the mark of a weaker leader than you generally depict Jovi as being. Instead of saying "its my job to do what the team wants", it would have been better to say, "it's my job to do what's best for the team". Although both phrasings emphasize Jovi's internal conflict, the latter does so without making her look weak in the process. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 22:33, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

@ JLOM: Thanks Jay. I try to be funny and make a lot of spoofs. Julie will make another appearance one way or another ;) I loved all the animals and I think I know what story your talking about ;) Jenny, Toby and the vulture were pretty good this chapter :D The vulture was suppose to die but I didn't make that clear enough so I think it will live. XD She would call the doll Upchuck if there is any left of it. I didn't think the chapter would be that long :O. Thanks Ms. Gideon. i'm grateful for you (And everyone else) who reads.

@ Omg.cha.cha: Yup from marshmallow people :P. I glad you loved it. I'm so glad to hear from you! I thought you left the wiki. I'm glad you haven't and you like the story :D!

@ Gideon: Thanks for commenting Gideon. By my best chapter I meant it based on the humor along with the plot and length. But the grammar is horrible. I'm not sure what you mean about the speakers in the multiple paragraphs. I try to change paragraph whenever a speaker speaks. Is that not how it is suppose to be? But my homophones are probably what is the worst thing with the story. I didn't even realize I had messed up pouch and poach. I don't do much of a grammar check because I wanna post the chapter soon especially this one because I was so proud of it and it has been forever since I put up another chapter. But I do need to pay more attention.

I'm glad you liked the plot. I think there might have been more plot (maybe just with Cosmic River) and I think it was great. But your right about Nellie. I hadn't even realized that. And it is a huge problem! Nellie can't be optimistic. I'm going to change that tonight. I think she might have done that more than once. I'm absolutely going to change that.

I'm glad you liked Jovi. I was trying to show that being a leader isn't easy and that they're good things and bad things about a leader. I didn't consider Jovi's statement to show her being weaker but it does make sense. Technically she has to do what the team wants or they could vote her out. But your right. I'll change that.

Thanks for commenting Gideon :D. This feedback has really helped me (but what feedback of yours hasn't?). I also hope you'll enjoy the aftermath. Julie will be singing a certain song and wearing an interesting outfit, both which you might like ;). Again thank you, you've helped me realize some mistakes and now thanks to you I can fix them and (hopefully) not make them again. Oh, come on. I bought KFC. It pretends to be southern, you pretend to be southern. Don't go there! 23:05, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

To clarify, there were several places where you had two speakers in the same paragraph. I seem to recall that most of these were cases where the second speaker's reply line is very short. Here's one example I found:

"Why don't you go take a shower in the room with all the showers that has never been mentioned till now." Bradley says. "Whatever," Heather replies walking away.

Heather's reply should be a new paragraph, but you probably missed it because it's so short. (Also, Bradley's dialogue should end with a comma, not a period, because the sentence continues after the quote is closed, and you should have a comma after "replies", because it's a natural pause point.)

Another thing you have to watch is word order, because a misordered phrase can change the meaning. For example, the line

Meanwhile a girl watching the show named Matilda calls her lawyers to sue the show

makes it sound like Matilda is the name of the show, when it's supposed to be the name of the girl. (You should also have a comma after "meanwhile", because that's a natural pause point.)

On an unrelated note, I think we can now say that TDWTH is officially a story with no fourth wall. After the elimination of your designated fourth wall breaker, chapter 6 had a veritable wrecking crew pulverizing whatever might have remained of that battered barrier. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 23:50, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

I just finished reading what you have up so far, and I love it so much!!! I have to say, that the way you have developed Jovi is outstanding. I created her thinking she would end up being somewhat of another Courtney, but the way you have given her depth is beyond me! She was meant to be a charicature of me when I first came up with her, and as it turns out, you write "me" better than I write myself! So what is your biggest dream???... For the TARDIS to land at Hogwarts! *ChaCha* 23:03, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

@ Gideon I think those are caused because I have to separate the lines in source mode. I had them separated but they were joined in source mode. I also didn't realize my order was so off. Were working on grammar in school but I'm still bad at. Maybe I'll learn something to help me. And I guess the reason the fourth wall was destroyed is because Julie left such a huge hole that people tried to use the hole but ended up breaking it. Does that make sense? I'm going to keep it so that Julie is really the only one making the fourth wall jokes. She does it best and I think that the barrier does need to exist so that Julie's fourth wall jokes make sense. Jenny, Toby and Rhonda may make fourth wall jokes but I think Jenny and Toby need to so they can ask Julie fourth wall related aftermath questions and I just feel like Rhonda does because she is Jenny and Toby's friend. I will have it made so that only those four are really aware of the fourth wall (unless plot says so otherwise).

@ ChaCha I'm glad you caught up and so glad you love it! :D I'm glad you like Jovi's development! She is a really great character and I think she is very popular with the fans (she is number two, and was almost number one, on Frank's Character rankings) and I'm honored that you think I wrote you better yourself! Your heart, your heart abandoned. Your wrong now bear the shame. Like dead trees in cold December nothing but ashes remain. Oh Ember, so warm and tender, you will remember my name! 01:53, October 30, 2011 (UTC)

Okay, that's it. I'm finally gonna do it. I'm going to read this story. (Puts on Anti-Bad Grammar armor) If I don't come back out alive... (grabs anti-bad grammar sword) Tell my family I love them. (Runs into the realms of TDWTH?) (Don't take this seriously for the record Rhonda, I really am gonna read this, but your grammar's not nearly as bad as this makes it out to be. xD) Mrdaimion: like you, only better. 23:06, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

XD Thanks Mr.D. And if you don't know, Jay has actually been fixing over some of my grammar and has done a few chapters so it will not be as bad as you think it. Your heart, your heart abandoned. Your wrong now bear the shame. Like dead trees in cold December nothing but ashes remain. Oh Ember, so warm and tender, you will remember my name! 23:15, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Godspeed, MrD in your battle against the Rouge Angles Of Satin! I think you'll find the reward worth the risk. Wifey has gotten partway through Chapter 3 with her cleanup. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:17, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, well, I just reread the first five chapters and I'm really loving your decision to revamp it! I feel like the grammar is just so much better which REALLY makes it more readable. Let's see, most of my opinions are similar to how they were before. I don't love Julie AS much, but she's still definitely funny and has great moments, like the rant at the end of her (first) elimination was fun. Rosamond was one of my favorites before, and she's definitely kept that title, I love her for some reason <3 Maybe it's because I totally remember her from the Nate The Great books I used to read, plus her character image is amazing, but I love her interactions, especially the conversations she's had with Jovi <3 The troll doll reference was amazing. Nellie and Barbie are also some favorites, they're both hilarious and Barbie is one I've always loved as well. Also, I never saw Jenny's picture before but it's awesome <333 Especially her hair, that's perfect. Speaking of Jenny, her and Toby's banter is always awesome. I also love that the canon TD contestants are still there, like Mana said, they create good interactions even if some of them are definitely filler-esque to me. Finally, Collin was an amazing first out and actually made me laugh. I want him to return and win. Anyway, this is still great and funny like I remembered, so great job! (Just a tip: still seeing some incorrect your/you're usage, which is like the only grammar error I've noticed, also Leshawna's name has been spelled like Leshawana a couple times, but that's about it, hope that wasn't too rude) Can't wait to see how you revamp everything else, though, and I'll be sure to catch up! Baaaangin' on a kettle drum won't make you notice me, though you're bored beyond belief 01:55, October 5, 2014 (UTC)

Toad :D Thank you so much for rereading and commenting! Although, I haven't finished revamping chapter 5 so that one was probably super hideous looking :.( But I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yay grammar improvement! I can't take all the credit for that, and I'm super glad it's helped. 

I'm not surprised Julie isn't as popular as she once was, though I'm glad you still love her <3 One of the best things about the revamp and new comments I've been getting is that I've been able to share the screentime a whole lot better, and that really shows with Rosamond, who has gotten some more moments so I'm really glad you're loving her. 

I was obsessed with Nate The Great, even though I think Rosamond is so unlike the book version :p Her and Jovi's friendship is adorable to me. (I'm also not sure what the troll doll reference is you're referring to, unless you're remembering the Nate The Great book where she had one, in which case for knowing that you win ALL THE AWARDS!)

I'm glad to see your still a huge Barbie fan (although, does she do anything worthwhile?) and glad to hear Nellie is also loved <3 (was she a previous favorite or is that new). Jenny's picture is all thanks to Frank, which is really great. I'm also glad you enjoy their banter <3 It's one of the funniest things to write. 

I'm glad people are liking the canon contestants. I can see where you think they'd be filler (Geoff's pantless scene sticks out in particular, but it actually is foreshadowing something I promise :p). 

That's another thing people have been saying; Collin was enjoyable. And honeslty, I'm agreeing with them (Zac said Collin would be a potential suitor for Chelsey in his after the drama fic). 

And thank you for the grammar help (I'm not surprised at those yours or Leshawana's names, sometimes it has a big S in it), it's always useful!

Thanks so much Toad! The story has a lot of other great twists in it (including with one of your characters) so I hope you can enjoy it and I'm looking forward to what you think! But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 05:00, October 5, 2014 (UTC)

Chapter 7/8 Chat

Good lord, that sucked! XDDD, just kidding. It was hilarious! I loved Jenny, "YOUR MOM!" whenever she was super mad at Toby. My parents questioned why I was laughing at the internet during my reading. I loved the advertising for TDIdiots and the random mention of my name in a paragraph. I just loved everything. I honestly have no idea who's going to go next I just wish Julie would return. --If your undies are tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is tight, I'm uncomfortable 19:27, January 22, 2012 (UTC)

XDDDDDDDDD I'm so glad you liked it! I was so worried this chapter was going to fail. Jenny and Toby are too much fun to write for and I love whenever she says "YOUR MOM!" XD I found it so funny your parents questioned that. I can just see it. I'm glad you liked the advertising, I felt it was a good idea since the aftermath did do a whole lot of advertising, plus I want more people to read IDIdiots :P The random mention of your name just came to me and had a B sound to it so I thought, "What The Heck?" (Get It :P). I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,...SO glad you enjoyed it! I think what's you start reading the next chapter it will become clear who leaves. And who knows, Julie might return ;P Now you’ve got one hand. Look around, floating town. Tell a baby to talk to the hand! 21:18, January 22, 2012 (UTC)

I'm not done with the chapter, but I have to say one thing. I actually know a girl named Taylor Taylor. Not even kidding. XDDD Arrivederci, I'mma leave before this battle begins. ... 21:57, January 22, 2012 (UTC)

XD I know :P You told me that on Taylor's page and it gave me the idea for a video guest :P Though I accidentally called you Webly when I said that on Taylor's page. I'm not sure why I did, but I'll fix it. XDDD Thanks for giving me the idea of Taylor Taylor and I hope you enjoy it! Now you’ve got one hand. Look around, floating town. Tell a baby to talk to the hand! 22:17, January 22, 2012 (UTC)

That was a lot of fun! I really loved Rhonda and Julie's interviews, and I enjoyed reading that hippo interview, too! xD Jenny and Toby were great hosts, and I'm looking forward to future interviews. :) JustLittleOlMe Lil Jay JLOM Lady Gideon 01:00, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you Jay! I'm extra glad people liked it! Julie's interview was my favorite and I think it did add a layer of depth to her (or at least some depth). Rhonda's was funny too. And the hippo was awesome! Thank you for suggesting it! I'm glad you liked the two as hosts, I found the two too much fun to write for! I can't wait to do another aftermath. Now you’ve got one hand. Look around, floating town. Tell a baby to talk to the hand! 02:51, January 27, 2012 (UTC)

{C}{C}Nice chapter. I kind of shocked about Duncan's elimination, expecting Heather to go home. Can't wait for chappy 9. :D Because you deserve it. 10:35, February 5, 2012 (UTC)


Oh, now I see why you needed Nate's pic! XD drop a description on my talk and you'll get him ASAP. :3 --Laura Is Evil 13:14, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks Flame :D I kinda wanted Heather to go just because she was so cocky at her elimination but plot triumphs want. I can't wait to post Chapter 9! Now you’ve got one hand. Look around, floating town. Tell a baby to talk to the hand! 17:38, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

XD Yup that's why Reddy :P Thanks for understanding Reddy :) I'll post it right now. Now you’ve got one hand. Look around, floating town. Tell a baby to talk to the hand! 17:38, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah three cheers for Jovi. I freaking love this story. I could use a few friends... or friends period. *ChaCha* 21:07, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

XD Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray! XD I threw a fourth in there because I love Jovi! :P I'm glad you love the story ChaCha and glad to hear from you :) I hope to give Jovi an extended role next episode as she tackles leading in a stressful (and apocalyptic) situation and expand on her and Rosamond's friendship with the introduction of Nate! I'm so glad to you like it! Now you’ve got one hand. Look around, floating town. Tell a baby to talk to the hand! 21:23, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

Oh I can't wait! I love how Jovi loves cats and what not. She is a future crazy cat lady. XD I could use a few friends... or friends period. *ChaCha* 22:27, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

Finally read the first part. I loved it. That is a hilarious chapter. Jenny and Toby are epic. "YOUR MOM!". xD I'm glad to see Rhonda. She's awesome, and Amanda (her #1 Fan) is hilarious. She's so crazy. Loved Jenny's Annoying Orange reference. "Hey Hey Rhonda." xD I loved the references to others stories. TylerXMaya FTW. xD I love TylerXLindsay, though. And YAY, you used my question for Collin. xD I liked Leshawna's guest, also. I'm glad she regrets what she did. She's awesome. :D I loved the Talking Obese Animal segment. The Ballerina Hippo is awesome. xD When Arthur arrived, I expected that he would be Dolph, but didn't expected that he really was Amanda. And Yay for free-advertsiment for "The Adventures of Cobra Man". xD I'll read the rest later, and leave the comment. :D Anne Maria: "Brick may not be attractive in any way, but he is still a person." 17:03, February 11, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, and I'll read Chapter 8 also. I didn't knew it was already posted. xD Anne Maria: "Brick may not be attractive in any way, but he is still a person." 17:05, February 11, 2012 (UTC)

So, Whitney Houston is in this chapter. That's pretty much what I have to say about her. She was a great singer, anyway. It could be a tribute for her, but you wrote this chapter before her death. Justin was boring, but it was funny his segment. xD Taylor's life have been pretty sad. She was boring, but the thing with her boyfriend was sad. Julie's entrance equally to awesome. :D The Sprink's characters scene was LOL. Creigh and Sky Lynn would be a awesome couple. So, i just loved Julie's segment. I like that she's still has feelings for SG. And yeah, I'm not surprised she didn't answered the questions about her background life. xD It's Julie. I liked her song also. I loved the ending with the cupcakes. It reminded me of Oprah, giving prizes to everybody. :P Loved the Aftermath. Now I'll read chapter 8. Anne Maria: "Brick may not be attractive in any way, but he is still a person." 16:56, February 16, 2012 (UTC)

I'm glad you liked it! :D I'm glad you like Jenny and Toby too! And that you think Rhonda's awesome and you like Amanda as I want her to make more appearances. XD I'm glad you liked Jenny's Annoying Orange reference (I didn't realize it was from The Annoying Orange, I must have subconsciously copied it). And I'm really glad you liked the references to other stories and you like Tyler x Maya. I felt like I needed to explain why Lindsay didn't like Tyler and felt that was a better way than just making Lindsay forget.
Thanks for asking your question to Collin, I was happy to use it! LeShawna's ending was to give her some closure and because she is awesome! I'm glad you like The Talking Obese Animal segment and Arthur showed up because you suggested him, which thank you for doing :D XD Yeah the free advertisement was funny, but I thought it would be funny to do a movie trailer for Cobra Man, especially with the other super hero trailers that have come out.
Yeah, this was before Whitney Houston's death, and I fell bad for it. I'm going to try to do that funeral for her based on LTDI. I'm glad you thought Justin was funny. There just wasn't much to say about him. Taylor is kinda boring but she has had a sad life. I'm glad you loved Julie's entrance as I really liked it too. XD Creigh and Sky Lynn should be a couple! We should make a club! I'm really glad you liked Julie's segment. Julie does still have feelings for SG, but she's trying to act like she doesn't. And I don't blame her the way thinks played out.
I'm glad you not surprised as I know people wanted answers but I just don't think we'll get answers. I'm glad you loved the song. Gideon suggested it to me and it was too good not to do! I'm glad you loved the ending, and the cupcakes do remind me of Oprah too! I can't wait to see your thoughts on chapter 8! Thanks for commenting Bruno, I really appreciate it :D Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 03:07, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

I've been needing to comment here. I hadn't commented on Chapter 7 or 8, and so I've been needing to do that, really. This story is too awesome to leave un-commentd on!

Toby really is so cruel to poor, innocent Jenny. Having to put up with someone like him. Someone whose feet smell like monkeys, melted butter, and PEE.

Yay for Amanda Show references! I remember that show =D And Whitney Houston... feels so eerie, remembering that you wrote that before she died.

Sprinklemist is so cruel, killing Julie's husband and children. I thought he was nicer than that. *sniffle*

I must say that you got me with the cupcake thing. At first, it just felt like a silly commercial that maybe Julie made, obsessing over purple cupcakes. Then it felt stranger when the cupcakes were handed out, and we got a long scene detailing exactly which colored cupcakes everyone took. I just thought it was meant to be a silly and kinda' out-there scene, describing in such loving detail what cupcakes everyone took. I'm ashamed of myself for not realizing just how important that scene was! Heck, Cody practically mentioned how important it was by stating how not important it was! It did seem like Jenny would have prefered Sadie eat the purple cupcake instead of Julie, for some odd reason. No idea why she would've prefered that, though.

Cosmic River, tomato worms are one of many insects that destroy crops. They're the kind of bug that we want to destroy, so Heather kinda' had the right idea, wanting to stomp on it =P

That was really random, for Julie to remind everyone she knows Spanish out of nowhere. Guess she really doesn't want another "everyone's ignoring me" type incident =P

"Actually one team got two new people." And people think Lindsay's stupid! But yay, Julie's back! I'm not too surprised she's returned, but I did think we'd have to wait longer for her to come back. Now she can get revenge on Gwen, mwa ha ha ha!

And whoa, Bridgette was more than just background decoration! She actually had an important role in the chapter! I love Bridgette, so I'm happy to see her getting to do stuff, like realize "hey, I haven't done anything so far! I need to break up with Geoff and develop my character here!" Go Bridgette!

And poor Barbie. She's so used to being treated so poorly. And it seems like it's still hurting her, even though she's trying not to let it hurt her. Poor girl needs a hug. Frank15 12:30, March 6, 2012 (UTC)

Glad you commented Frank! XD I'm glad you think it's awesome enough to comment on! XD Toby isn't the nicest to Jenny but Jenny isn't the nicest person either. They suit each for that. I loved the Amanda Show as a kid :D I hate they cancelled it. I don't blame you for finding it eerie about Whitney Houston. I feel really bad about it, but I wrote it before than so it wasn't intentional and I just have to remember that.
XD Sprink is suspicious >:P JK, XD I think that was a very funny scene (even though kids, though technically watermelons and a fake husband died) and was a bit of a homage to Sprink's stuff, in a way. I'm glad I got you with the cupcakes! XD I liked the way you summed it up. I thought it would be a bit odd but I thought it would be something that people wouldn't really pay attention. XD Cody's line was a give way that it was more important. And Jenny would have prefered Sadie because Jenny and Julie got in a fight. They did that because Jenny kinda sees Julie as a threat to her popularity.
Well tomato worms help with pollination so they're not that bad. Bugs are like that, they can do good things and they can do bad things. XD It was random of Julie to say she speaks Spanish. I just felt like it should be mentioned again, since abilities and things like that are forgotten in the canon. And your probably right about the incident, XD I didn't think of that but it makes sense.
And I love giving Lindsay lines where she seems smart! I figured you guys would know she was coming back. But it is early :P And she might get her revenge >:D I was really glad Bridgette got more lines too! I saw Bridgette and Geoff were at everybody's least favorite so I decided to give them more spotlight. I really enjoyed Bridgette and am really ready to give her some more spotlight.
I'm glad you sympathize with Barbie since she kinda deserves it. I really like how you described Barbie's hurt. XD You describe Barbie's character than I can in words sometimes Frank. I don't know if Barbie is the kind who likes a hug but I'm sure it would be better than the way she's been treated. Thanks so much for commenting Frank, I really love your feedback =D Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 03:07, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

Like Frank, I've fallen behind in my commenting. Although my comments this time may seem mostly negative, don't take that the wrong way--I did enjoy the last two chapters, just like those that came before.

Chapter 8 seemed to be one of those episodes that are all about character development, with the challenge itself being almost an afterthought. I must point out, though, that Clinton, Palin and the Obamas really don't belong in a history-based challenge, although they would have been good choices for a challenge based on current events. From a mechanics standpoint, you said "recuse" several times when you clearly meant "rescue". ("Recuse" is a real word, but an unrelated concept that is mainly of interest to lawyers.) In the graffiti scene (the gist of which was presumably that Gwen is, ahem, free with her favors) you said "crave" several times when you clearly meant "carve". Finally, Jovi said "Curtain two" when you clearly meant "curtain three"--she and Rosamund had just beeen talking about #3, and Sierra had already picked #2.

Although I'm glad to see Julie back in action, and my decision to stick to my Final 3 guess after her elimination is now vindicated, you do need to take care that this story doesn't turn into "The Julie Noforthwal Show" (although that might be a viable spinoff concept). You have other interesting characters, you know, both original and otherwise. Most notably, I think the Aftermath neither needed nor benefitted from having three Julie clips at the beginning, when the other interviewees each had only one. Julie had plenty of screen time when she finally appeared in the flesh, so the multiple opening clips struck me as piling on.

On the brighter side, it was good to see Julie get some added depth, since she's such an important character to the story. It's also good to see some of the neglected vets doing more. Bridgette and Geoff were among those who had spent most of the story in the background. And Nellie answered my question well enough, the short version being that she does indeed endure because she thinks the alternative is even worse.

One last thing: you seemed to have just a little too much fun writing the scene where the hippo thrashes Rhonda to within an inch of her life. If this story wasn't so unabashedly cartoonish, I'd be a little worried about you... Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:09, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapters Gideon and it's ok that your comments seem negative, I know it's constructive criticism and it helps make my writing better. I agree with you on Chapter 8, I was trying more to develop characters and get plot in motion that doing an adventure, which most around the world challenges are meant to be, which probably explains why all the pre challenge stuff takes so long. Yes, Clinton, Palin and The Obamas aren't really history (except maybe Obama being the first African American president). I'm not really sure why, but I had the thought of Chef dressed as Hilary Clinton and Nellie as Sarah Palin and just decided to work it in a challenge. However I think the history thing can be justified in that Chris doesn't really care about American History (shown when he talked to Jovi and Rosamond) so the challenge isn't very true to history or cares about American culture (like with the cherry trees).
Thanking you for telling me about the word problems. I really appreciate it and will fix after I get this comment up. When I read these mistakes I kind just have to ask myself, "Really Rhonda?" It's kinda laughable in a way. And yes, the carvings did say some suggestive things about being free with her favors. I didn't say what it exactly said since, it is a kid's shows kinda, and tried to have the camera never show the table top.
I completely agree with you on Julie getting too much focus. I'm trying hard too not give Julie too much focus. Sadly, she does get a bit of focus and plays a role in the next two-three chapters (the two parter may become one episode based on changes so it could be two to three) but I'm really trying to get more characters focused on. I really need to use the original cast more and I'm trying to do that, like with Bridgette and Geoff, so hopefully that will show. I'm glad you think that though and it isn't my imagination. I really want to make sure the character doesn't become too featured that people call her a Mary Sue, since people really hate those.
The Aftermath was very Julie focused, although a possible reason for that I guess could be Jenny and Toby's excitement of seeing her or marketing by the network. I just thought if that now so it wasn't intentional.
I am glad you liked the development, as that was my favorite part of The Aftermath, and I really appreciate the song you suggested (which helped with development ideas for Julie). I think everyone is glad that Bridgette and Geoff got spotlight, and I'm really glad everyone likes that. I really appreciate your question to Nellie and thought it was a good one. I really love Nellie and glad you like her too and helping me give her some spotlight.
And yeah, Rhonda gets beat up and put down alot. I would so you don't have to be worried but...I know that there are more beatings in the future. Thank you so much for commenting Gideon, I really appreciate it and glad you could get to reply :) Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 03:07, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
Worry not, I doubt that anyone will ever consider Julie a Mary Sue based on what she's done to this point. She really doesn't have any of the common MS traits except for unusual hair color and the ability to sing well. No, the danger in overusing an off-the-wall character like Julie is the possibility of fatigue/overload reactions from the readers, and Julie is definitely the sort who can push everyone else to the margins if you let her. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:50, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
I'm glad to hear you say that :D And I do understand what you're saying about Julie and am going to try to be more careful with her and am trying to give more characters screen time. I think the new chapter did use her a little less. But I am glad you don't think she is a Mary Sue. Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 01:31, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

Yays Cosmic River is still in it! I'm really sorry, Rhonda, for not being able to read this story in awhile. I have missed soo much from my hitaus. I think this story was on it's fourth chapter when I last read it. XP Anyways, I'll catch up soon Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to loseR.I.P Janis 02:31, April 19, 2012 (UTC)

I'm glad to see you comment Lindsay :D I understand why you haven't been able to and it's ok. XD The story hasn't gotten to far from where you left off, only five chapters (though they are long). XD on April 24th, it will be the day I made this page. I'm glad you plan on catching up and I will tell you that I hope you like the development that Cosmic River gets. Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 01:31, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

I am SO sorry that I haven't been reading much for so long! I've finally finished Chapter 8, and I totes adore <33 that you've included the tomato worm! I saw the notes and thank you's section, and you're very welcome! I'm honored that you wanted to use it. :) And Julie's Back!!!! :DD xDD And Nate and Cody, too. Awesome! :) I'll try to read Chapter 9 soon. ;D I am a complete Cosmic Fan, now. xD Jay JLOMAny good or kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.-Author Unknown 21:38, June 6, 2012 (UTC)

I'm glad you enjoyed the tomato worm, thank you for that idea! And I'm glad you like the returnees and debuters, though Julie coming back wasn't a surprise :P I'm glad you're a Cosmic River fan now! He'll get more focus soon. Aw, your simple innocence is one of the most attractive things about you! You're like a kitten! A kitten that doesn't speak Japanese! 06:41, June 23, 2012 (UTC)

Finally read the New Tree's chapter... EPIC! :D That “We did it, We did it!” moment. xDDD And Nellie's answer at Gideon's question was deep. I, for some reason, laughed at Sierra's wanting an answer. :P

Oh, Heather, catterpillars are awesome. :P Gotta love Comisc River, but I can't help but love Heather too. xD And the fact that she's jealous... I'm shipping Brather (?), though, I like Brindsay (?) too. :P I was afraid that Bunny would die. Glad he didn't, he's too cute to die. :3 DJ at the alliance may be a problem to him.

I laughed at the Bridgette-Geoff "I'll miss you!" moment. xD Specially when Bridgette said he could be okay without Geoff. *a few seconds later* “I MISS GEOFF!" xD I like that she joined the girl's group, though. :D And that Bridgette wants to slow down with their relationship, and that they are seemingly having more screentime. :D

I wonder about what's the thing at Gwen's carving... I know it's innapropriated, but I wanted to see what was that. xD

The challenge was great too. Chef as Hillary Clinton was just xDDD. I liked all those stuff. xD at Sparkle Pony... I'm worried about that Vegas bus, though. O_o

Cody, Julie and Nate's returning... Interesting. I don't like Cody. I hope he gets better than he was in the canon, but if he doesn't, I hope he gets voted-off soon. :P As for Julie, you know how much I (and everybody except Mana) loves her. :D Can't wait to see more of her crazy moments. :P And Nate is great too, and I'm looking foward to see him at the competiton.

Elimination... I hated Duncan, so Im glad he's out. :D Heather, Heather, Heather... I love you, but you were kinda overly rude there. I laughed at "You’re fatter than Chevy Chase", though. xD Poor Barbie. :( Anyway, can't wait to read the next chapter. :D And yes, I wrote a long comment too. :P "Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!" "Surrender now or prepare to fight!" 15:37, August 18, 2012 (UTC)

Yay Bruno! I’m glad you read Three’s Company, and I’m sorry it took such awhile to reply. I’m super glad to hear it was Epic! :D

XD I liked the We Did It part too. It has to do with something coming ;) Glad to see you think Nellie was deep, and I could see how Sierra wanting an answer would be funny :P

Caterpillars can be awesome (Unless your Frank :P). I’m glad you like Cosmic River, I’m enjoying writing for him more! And I’m glad you love Heather too! I’m super glad you are shipping Bradley and Heather but like Bradley and Lindsay too, because that will play a bigger part later in the story. I also like the names you gave them (Brather and Brindsay). They are adorable :3 I often do it where you take a word that describes them and end with shipping (Like PuddinShipping for Julie x SG :P) but I like the sound of those names :3

Yeah, Bunny seems to keep getting in danger. I think DJ brought him because he believes having and caring for Bunny helps to stop his curse. And to have something comforting from home :3 And you’ll see how DJ and the alliance go next chapters.

I’m glad you found Bridgette and Geoff’s moment funny. XD It was fun to write. XD At that is my favorite part of it. I think Bridgette needed some more friends (like Courtney :P). You’ll see how Geoff and Bridgette’s relationship progresses next chapters :P

XDDD I love how you wanna know what it says Bruno. Sadly, no one will ever know :P

I liked the challenge, mostly because it was fast :P XDD I loved Chef as Hilary Clinton. I’m trying to have Chef cross dress more often in WTH :P Sparkle Pony will show up more later :P You should be worried about the Vegas Bus though, we were going to go to Vegas where Sparkle Pony was going to show up but now…IDK what will happen to her :P

Glad you find the returning contestants interesting. I hoped for it to be kind of a shock. Cody will play a role in the story (I bet you can guess with who :P). XDD Yes I know how much you and everyone (except Mana) loves her. That and the fact she is so fun to write for, is why she returned :P I’m enjoying Nate so far and what I have planned for him, so hopefully you will too!

Yeah, not many people like Duncan anymore. XD Yeah, Heather was a little rude :P XD I forgot I wrote that line, but now I find it super funny. You’ll see what happens with Barbie next time ;)

Thanks for the long comment Bruno :D I can’t wait to see what you think of the next chapters! Aw, your simple innocence is one of the most attractive things about you! You're like a kitten! A kitten that doesn't speak Japanese! 01:48, August 28, 2012 (UTC)

Chapter 9-10 Chat

poll> How much did you like Chapter 10, on a scale of 1 to 5? 5 stars, I loved it! 4 stars, it was good. 3 stars, it was passable. 2 stars, I didn't like it that much. 1 star, I hated it! </poll>

Who should have been eliminated?
 
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The poll was created at 06:39 on June 23, 2012, and so far 5 people voted.
What was your favorite part of the chapter?
 
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The poll was created at 06:32 on June 23, 2012, and so far 3 people voted.

Barbie stole the episode. That was probably unavoidable, but yeah, she stole the episode.

Anyway, I'll get to that later. First (second technically, I suppose), wow... can't believe Chris felt it was worth mentioning the tomato worm scene in the recap!

Julie, you know Nellie has to remind us that she's the depressed one. I mean, what if someone skipped the first eight chapters? Then they might not know! Think about it.

Sandwiches and crackers! Sandwiches and crackers! Sandwiches and crackers! OK, I'm bad at being Julie-ish. Just sounds like a random song she'd have sung.

Four teens and a doberman... wonder if they're competing against the Mystery Machine gang, or if Scooby died and the gang just replaced him with a doberman ;)

That's right, Rosamond. You should make sure Nate shuns Gwen! Help SG out by vilifying Gwen XD

Of course they're going to Jersey Shore. Though I suppose Cody hasn't been around Julie for long, so it sorta' kinda' excuses his hubris.

Did Rhonda make the sandwiches to order, or what? How did Sierra know which sandwich Rhonda was making would go to Gwen? I mean, I know Julie had weird plot convenience powers like that, but Sierra?

I love Nellie's confessional. It's rather insightful for her. She really is worried about hurting Sierra and Julie, even though she tries to not care and just feel everything is already horrible. It's... oddly positive for Nellie. I mean, it's still full of her signature negativity, but it's got an underlying feeling of optimism to it, wanting forgiveness and rainbows and bunnies for all!

'Sides, what's the worst Julie can do, anyway? Throw Nellie in a sack? She does that even when she likes you =P

I feel so bad for Barbie. She's just been treated so cruelly left and right, and it's obviously getting too her. It's a shame she wasn't able to enjoy the chocolate-covered cherry.

Cosmic River, it was an evil caterpillar Heather almost stepped on! Evil!

It's actually pretty expected that Barbie didn't have a look of smug satisfaction or glee after chewing Heather out. She probably knows that isn't going to make her happy. It's just something she needs to do, because she just realizes she shouldn't let Heather abuse her like she has been. I actually feel kind of bad for Heather, but I felt bad for her before this chapter, anyway. Still, it's nice that, even if Barbie knows the crap Heather's been through, that she still thinks of her as a monster. And there's really no reason Barbie shouldn't think that: what Heather went through when she was younger is a pitiful excuse for putting Barbie through the torment she's been put through. So even if I feel kinda' bad for Heather, Barbie does not owe her any sympathy.

Still, even if Barbie was able to finally bite back, it's hard not to feel bad for her, still. Just because she's no longer taking her torment lying down doesn't mean the torment has stopped. She could really use a hug if she would want a hug, anyway.

I rather enjoyed all the pointless exposition about how repeating the Jersey Shore information would just be pointless exposition that we already knew. It was funny XD

Of course Nate would be the only one to notice Jenny and Toby missing... wait...

Noooo! Jenny! Poor, poor Jenny. She was too good for this earth. Too good for this earth! To be so tragically possibly dead in New Jersey. She will be remembered as a hero.

Oh yeah, and that other guy who was always so mean to poor Jenny... Coby, I think? Guess he's a goner too.

And Chris, shame on you! Jenny has an official name! That puts her above nameless intern status, so you can't just kill her off! And I guess Toby has a name too, and Jenny isn't the same without Toby, so I guess you kinda' need to save him too. It's a package deal with those two. It'd be like Lavern & Shirley if Shirley left the show.

...wait. You mean that actually happened?! NOOOOO!!!

Rosamond inner monologuing to herself :D It's almost a shame that Rosamond's big scene was largely overshadowed by Barbie, because this was great for her, and something she really benefited from. It was great to see Rosamond in action, and seeing her handle her predicament, and getting to know her better. She needed the development, and I'm glad she got some here. And I hope when she finds the girl that she's still a normal girl, happy to get her dolly back.

I know, Julie. Everyone just complains too much. Who does Cody think he is, Nellie? Just chill.

"MORE WORDS IN CAPS AND BOLD!"

I'm not sure if Jovi's little speech was done this way on purpose, but I like how it was done, anyway, the speech about saving Rosamond, and a person only getting to live once, and stuff. Mostly, her logic doesn't seem particularly sound, but she's probably got a good reason for not using pure logic in this case. I mean, sure, saving Rosamond's life is more important than fame on a mediocre reality TV show... except the decision isn't quite that simple when you realize that it's really a choice between saving Rosamond's life versus saving Jenny and Toby's life. I mean, even if you don't count Toby's life, there's still poor, innocent Jenny's life. On the other hand, Jovi's certainly closer to Rosamond than she is to either Jenny or Tobi, but it's not really the clear-cut black-and-white morality decision that Jovi's making it sound like. But then again, Rosamond could be dead for all Jovi knows, so she's got a pretty good excuse for not acting like a completely logical-but-unfeeling machine at the moment.

And I probably pick on Toby too much. It's just too easy, though.

Courtney... this is new for Courtney. She usually gets really angry and bossy when she feels paranoid over losing control, but like she said, it's gotten a lot more real. It's like she knows she's not just being paranoid, and she's in a different state of mind for it. Not her usual angry and bossy "losing control" self, but a much more scared one. Poor Courtney.

I'm guessing Bradley's still insulting Barbie to prove he's in control, to show Barbie she has no power over him. And really, Bradley does seem pretty unfazed by her, whereas Heather is clearly losing her sanity. And Cosmic River... has become an instrument in Barbie's development! On one hand, it's too bad Cosmic River's still not much of a character of his own, but on the other hand, I don't care all that much, really. Barbie's what's important here. Frank15 09:15, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

EEEE! :DDDDD Your comment makes me all happy! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD XD
I'm very glad Barbie was well received. I was worried that she wouldn't be liked because she talked or that her dialogue wouldn't seem clever (kind of like Noah's dialogue is bad). But knowing that she stole the episode, know that is just awesome! XD It probably was unavoidable, but it wasn't bad and it was really good for her.
XD Chris mentioned the tomato worm because it was important. It was the "straw that broke the camel's back" to finally have Cosmic River vote for Heather, which caused Heather to blame Barbie, which was "the straw that broke the camel's back" to have been enough for Barbie to fight back. So it was important in a way. My recaps tend to be pretty bad though :P
And I just want to say, that I guess Cosmic River was looking at the good of the creature isn't of the bad. And that Heather almost squashing it made Cosmic River want to vote for Heather because she was so angry and ignorant to nature or others, which she showed by ignoring him. XD I'm sorry I'm making a big explanation of it, and I'll try to have Cosmic River more likable.
XD You're right, someone might do that. And that is a song that Julie might sing. And I thought Scooby-Doo was a doberman, XD I'll have to change it (I now know it's a great dane).
And I didn't think of Rosamond telling that to Nate as being taken like that :P And yeah Cody is excused this time but might not be next time. And Rhonda was in on Sierra and Nellie's plan, since both knew each other. She let them tamper with the sandwich and then delivered it to Gwen. I thing although do a bonus segment thing on the page called "Total Drama What The Heck? Extras", like the bonus videos they did for TDWT, and I'll have that in a scene.
I'm glad you liked Nellie's confessional. I really did too and think you described it perfectly (although the rainbow and bunnies are questionable :P)
XD You make a good point about the sack. I think she is more worried about hurting her friends than she is what they will do to her.
And yeah, Barbie's life sucks D: And I don't think you would have enjoyed the cherries if she ate them, being too sad.
I think you explain Barbie better than I do! XD You just gave me inspiration for a new scene in a future chapter. I think you're just spot on about her. I'm glad you understand that why her face wouldn't show that and why Barbie doesn't feel bad. And yeah, she's still getting tormenting, and she probably needs a hug.
XD I'm glad you liked, it was actually inspired by something Gideon says which Reddy parodied first (give credit where credit is do :P).
XD It made sense for Nate being the detective. Being a detective he has to notice these things. XD And yes Jenny and Toby maybe possibly dead. Jenny was too good. And yeah, "Coby" is ok but he is not Jenny :P And shame on Chris indeed. Jenny isn't an intern, she's on the page. And Jenny and Toby do need each other, or at least for their comedy duo to work. XD And Shirley did leave :O What The Heck? (no pun intended).
And I'm so glad you liked Rosamond's inner monologue! I really think Rosamond needed it because she was starting to feel like "Jovi's best friend/sidekick." I dislike that it may/was overshadowed by Barbie (though Julie didn't steal the spotlight so that is a plus). I really liked it and was going to add more but I decided to leave it as a cliffhanger :P I'm glad she benefitted from it.
I think the girl will be happy when Rosamond returns her doll...and other things (Totally not foreshadowing :P).
XD Yeah, everyone complains except poor Julie. And Cody did feel like Nellie. And I really enjoyed that scene with the Fun Bunch.
I'm glad you like Jovi's speech. With Jovi, I try to show how leading and be a leader is. Jovi probably isn't making the most sound decision because she has to make the decision as the leader and has to do it in a very difficult situation with not much time to think. I guess Jovi didn't consider Jenny and Toby's lives, but I guess she was thinking "the other teams are looking and they'll probably find them if we don't". So it was more about winning than saving lives though you are right, she did make it out in black and white morality when it wasn't. And her friendship with Rosamond did influence her decision.
Jovi also had trouble whether to believe in her friend (who said before she fell out to do the challenge and she would be fine) or doing what she thought was right.
XD And it's ok you pick on Toby, I love your extreme Jenny love.
And you are spot on with Courtney to! Be spot on again and you win a free sandwich :P She was in a different state of mind and very paranoid. Poor Courtney indeed.
You're right Bradley is still insulting Barbie to prove he is in control. But Bradley is a bit worried though... >:P
And Heather is clearing losing her sanity. And it can only go downhill... And yeah Cosmic River did get a bigger part in Barbie's development. The two will have a bigger role together. XD Yeah it doesn't help him as a character but it could in the future.
Thanks for the comment Frank :D I would have replied sooner but you gave me some ideas (some not even for this story) so I had to write them down. Thanks so much Frank :D Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 01:31, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
Cosmic River's OK. I don't hate him... I'm mostly indifferent to him, which I guess isn't all that great.
Heh. Rhonda's so mature, working with Sierra and Nellie to get revenge on Gwen =P
Yay for giving you inspiration on what to do with Barbie in the future!
Yeah, Shirley wasn't in most of the last season of Laverne & Shirley. It was as disappointing as it sounds.
The scene with the Fun Bunch was a good break from all the serious, dramatic stuff going on. It was nice to have a lighthearted scene with gangsters threatening to kill girl scouts... actually, how the heck did that become the challenge's lighthearted scene!
That logic makes sense: the other teams are likely looking for Jenny and Toby instead of Rosamond, so I can get that. Good point.
What can I say? Jenny's fun! She acts like she's more mature and grown up than everyone else, especially Toby, when she's possibly the least mature one there!
Anyway, you're welcome, and yay for giving you ideas =D Frank15
XD It's ok that Cosmic River isn't you're favorite. I'm just glad you commented :D And you're entitled to your own opinion.
Rhonda takes after me :P And thank you for the great ideas! I'll tell you what they are, if I ever get that far. XD And It sounds like the last season was pretty bad. Wasn't the last episode all about a character that wasn't Laverne? Like they were getting their own spin off?
And I like the way you described how The Fun Bunch played a role in the story. It was one of my favorite parts, both in The Fun Bunch's actions and I liked the gangsters conversations. XDD And you bring up a good point, that really isn't funny when you think about it. But The Fun Bunch make it fun :P
XD I'm glad that actually made sense about Jovi (I explain really badly). And you make a great point about Jenny which I never thought of, and explains why I like writing for her. Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 01:46, April 25, 2012 (UTC)
Heh. You're absolutely correct about the Laverne and Shirley finale. Shirley wasn't in it at all, and even Laverne was barely in it! What The Heck kind of a way is that to end the show?! I actually enjoyed the show a lot when I was younger and always on in syndication, but ehh... an unworthy way to end the show. Frank15 04:03, April 25, 2012 (UTC)

I was scrolling through this story today and realized how behind I was in this story. Last time I read this awesome story was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in September of 2011. After that, I just got so busy with school and friends and stuff like that. I'll try to keep ahead of this story, considering how epic it is :D I am Jo, be very afraid! 01:25, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

XD It's ok Jo. I understand getting busy, plus my story doesn't have a great update schedule that is as current. I'm glad to hear from you and hear you're going to try to keep ahead of it :D Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 01:30, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

I finally got around to read chapter one, and I loved it. xD Julie is definately in my top five. ~ AiP CM Rarity MTDM 03:23, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

Really? :DDDDDD Glad you liked it. Not surprised Julie is in your top 5, though curious to see who else made it. Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 01:16, May 15, 2012 (UTC)
ANOTHER EXCESSIVELY LONG COMMENTARY FOLLOWS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Well, this episode certainly took a hard dramatic turn, didn’t it? Especially with Rosamond facing an uncertain fate.

The recap note that “Bradley seduced Lindsay” might be a bit racier than you intended, given that the most common meaning of “seduce” is “convince someone to have sex with you”. I suppose Bradley could conceivably have done that, but such things are presumably beyond the scope of this story. The thought also occurs that, since Chris was the one who mentioned it, he might have deliberately chosen his words that way in an attempt to goose the show’s ratings.

As for the Scooby Doo reference, the Doberman could have indicated a knockoff mystery-solving gang, but you’ve generally been using real names. On the other hand, maybe Scooby did die of old age, as Frank suggested. Bigger animals are usually longer-lived than smaller species; but among dogs, it’s the giant breeds that have the shortest lifespans, averaging only 8-10 years.

The evolving cats bit wasn’t perchance a Red Dwarf reference, was it? That would certainly fit this story’s pattern of including as many allusions as you can pack in.

And then there’s Barbie. When people are subjected to constant bullying, sometimes they break, but sometimes they snap. In the latter case, things can get messy. Heather should be thankful (although we know perfectly well that she won’t be) that Barbie’s outburst was as restrained as it was. Revealing what she knows now makes (or should make) Barbie a huge target—if anyone takes her claims seriously. If they don’t, it’s their funeral, so to speak. Despite her threat against Heather, though, I’m guessing that Barbie still wants out. That would be a logical reason for her to tip her hand the way she did, in which case she might be better at manipulation than she thinks.

Speaking of Barbie’s inside knowledge, it was a nice bit of irony that the Lindsay, the turnip-brained crown princess of Bimbonia, was one of the few who were “intelligent enough to pick up on another fact”, i.e. the increase in the grand prize, from Barbie’s passing mention. Has our favorite airhead been holding out on us? If so, then Bradley had better watch his back, because the newly assertive Barbie may be the least of his problems.

Naturally, I caught the LTDI reference. (It was kind of hard to miss.) I can’t imagine why I’m not surprised that you took my simple narrative flourish for skipping over repetitive content, and turned it into a Fourth Wall joke. Speaking of LTDI, Barbie’s mention of the interns’ drowning their sorrows has given me an idea for my own story. I’ll be sure to credit you if I do use it.

Regarding the challenge portion of the chapter, two hours seems like a wholly inadequate time, unless someone gets lucky (as Team Rocket appears to have done). Traveling on foot, it’s conceivable that a team could head for the outskirts the moment they landed, and still miss the deadline. It might take Rosamond two hours just to get out of the hotel “carcass”.

Regarding Jovi’s seeming lack of concern for Jenny and Toby, several possibilities suggest themselves. One is the “band of brothers” mindset. Rosamond is both a teammate and a friend, whereas Jenny and Toby are (as far as the contestants are concerned) basically furniture, not unlike the interns. Under the stress of the moment, Jovi could perhaps be forgiven for not thinking of Jenny and Toby as “real” people. She might also think that Jenny and Toby can take care of themselves, even without the distinct possibility that Chris might know their whereabouts and condition; whereas Rosamond, being alone, is much more likely to be in serious trouble.

As for Jenny and Toby, one team being told that they’re at the medical center and another team thinking they see Toby suggests the possibility that there might be decoys running around. (That reminds me of a line from the movie, Spaceballs: “Idiots! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!”) Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 06:04, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

Glad you commented Gideon! And it's ok that's it's long, I enjoy reading it. The story was dramatic, but I think that was pretty good huh? I really thought Rosamond's part was good.
Perhaps seduce wasn't right words to use. But maybe they did have sex? Lindsay could be pregnant and could tell the story of TDWTH? to her kid in the future :P But Chris was most likely spicing up the recap. And for some reason I thought Scooby Doo was a doberman. I thought I changed that but maybe I didn't.
And no the cats evolving was not a Red Dwarf allusion or reference. I hadn't heard of Red Dwarf till you mentioned it actually.
And you do bring up a good point; Heather's lucky. She doesn't realize but she could have gotten a full force of Barbie fury from her years of sad life. Barbie does have a target on her back, but like she said she has some other tricks up her sleeve (of course not revealing what that means). They may not take her seriously but her comments to them might just give them enough reason to vote her off. And she does still want out, she just want's Heather gone too.
Yes, I did love that Lindsay pointed that out. She has shown to say a few smarter things throughout TDWTH then actually believed. But a threat? Maybe. I don't think Bradley seems worried about her though which could be bad if she is a threat.
I'm glad you caught that LTDI reference, though I thought you would. It is a good phrase to use honestly, I repeat things way to much. And I love that I gave you an idea for LDTI! You have given me an idea too actually.
You make a good point about time. Perhaps I'll change it to three hours, I'm just trying to make it logical that they wouldn't give them to much time because the cast could die in there and a dead cast doesn't make the best ratings (or a fun reunion special). And it's more that's the time we'll be there than a deadline, so they may not be there exactly at the end of the time (not saying if they will or won't).
And Rosamond's adventure has just begun... And I'm glad you noticed the Team Rocket skit because I'm going to do another one to something I think you'll be familiar with...
I think the brother's band of misfits is an accurate description of Jovi's mindset, though she was also thinking the other teams would be looking and looking for Rosamond they may find the two. I do think that Jovi wasn't thinking at normal mindset perhaps due to the chemicals in the air (though she probably wasn't exposed long enough) but certainly due to the stress, which as the leader and Rosamond's best friend was hard.
Decoys huh? Maybe. It would make things hard. (And I remember that part of Spaceballs XD).
On another note, you didn't say anything about my grammar (besides the earlier mentioned rubble and ruble). Either I did really good, or you forgot. I'm leaning towards the later knowing me. Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 01:16, May 15, 2012 (UTC)

Not really forgetting so much as not wanting to dwell on a previous point. Your tendency to use the wrong homophone or near-homophone is something you need to maintain a continuing awareness of (for example, saying "craving" in the recap when you meant "carving") although I have noticed some improvement. In general, I'll try to avoid rehashing previous slips unless I see you backsliding, and will mainly point out new ones that I notice, especially if they appear repeatedly (e.g. rubble/ruble). After all, I don't want to go all Nellie-ish on you. You do have a delightful story on your hands, despite its rough edges. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 20:53, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

Well, I'm glad you hadn't forgotten and think I'm making a little improvement. And thanks for pointing that carving thing out (I'm almost positive you've told me that before). And I don't mind any tips or pointing out problems, I know you're just helping, and it does help. And I don't see it as Nellie-ish since it's not downing (though I liked how that's how you described it). And I'm glad you think it's delightful! Rhonda is the meanest, vilest, ugliest, stankiest, crankiest, won’t even say high to your momma, cheapest, creepiest, arrogant sea witch in all the seas! And I’m not very fond of her either. 22:36, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

Chloe! Yay! The best Idiots character ^_^ And I love her story! The story of Chloe and Julie, meeting each other, and fighting the bitter cold to get a show, sleeping in lockers, looking for odd jobs while Dr. Teeth sang "You Can't Take No for an Answer." ANd then, success! Until that fateful day that Chloe and Julie parted ways, one to a sitcom that I'm guessing lasted a whole zero episodes, the other to do a holiday special that I wish I could find at the video store.

Heh. I did not expect to see the sheep again. And I guess we're seeing into Kynt's mind, and why he was so irritable during the sheep challenge earlier. Rose is so cute and oblivious, anyway.

I swear, it sounds like Rosamond is channeling Sailor Moon in her "parent who loves their child" line. I really loved that whole scene, though. Linda made for a great side character here, and I liked her interaction with Rosamond. And Rosamond really wanting to trust that she's not going to kill her, and trying not to be too suspicious of her. And I can feel Linda's fear here. Of being trapped. Of going to die, and never know if her daughter is OK. It's so serious for you XD It's still got some of your humor though, like the elevator door just randomly opening! I loved that whole scene, and I'm loving Rosamond more!

Of course Julie has a deadly army of girl scouts. Makes you wonder how many of her stories are actually true. But she can't kill Rhonda! Rhonda's a fun character, too!

Aww, Candace and Linda, reunited! Candace is so cute, and mature. She actually seems more mature than a lot of the teenagers in the story XD But blah, blah, blah? Rosamond's story is worthy of better than a mere blah, blah, blah =P

"The most dangerous reason of all." That line is hilarious! Mostly because Miss Lilac seems so dead serious, and I just so she managed to say that with the straightest of faces.

Ah, I think I get it! Total Drama Shopping Centre was like all just a dream in Lindsay's head XD

See Toby? That kind of attitude is why no one likes you. You're just rude to everyone for no reason. What, is that like pent-up rage you never get to release on Jenny =P

More Chloe XD

Aww, the rescuing kiss with Geoff and Bridgette was so sweet, and not overkill like on the show usually XD

Poor Nellie. I can only imagine what kind of torture Julie did on her to get her to take part in the Three Little Maids song XD

Apparently Julie decided to change into her bunny suit the same way Babs Bunny changes outfits. Which is appropriate for a bunny suit XD

And no wonder Vito agreed to the dance off. He was plannning on cheating the whole time. Can't believe a guy who just killed hundreds, if not thousands of people and plans to kill hundreds of millions more would stoop so low as to cheat in a dance off.

That is... something. I'm almost surprised Courtney doesn't question that at all, that Vito's extremely lactose intolerant. But I guess after everything else, why would she question that XD

And it's probably not good to think that Courtney probably accidentally killed people. I mean, Linda herself could've easily died if Rosamond didn't happen to stumble upon her. Who knows how many other people might have been trapped somewhere? It's kinda' hard to believe what "the network" is saying there. As quick as they made that announcement, it seems like they probably didn't look around very well. I know Nellie can be a buzzkill, but it's hard to argue her attitude this time. Blowing up all of Jersey Shore is kinda' depressing, Rosamond =P

Wow... Toby and Jenny were actually getting along for a brief moment there, in mocking Rhonda.

Noah's gone. And... eh. Someone had to leave. I like Noah, but he wasn't a very strong character in this story, so eh. Someone had to leave, why not him, I guess.

Aww, Geoff's so sweet sometimes. And Rhonda's so... nicer than Chris, at least, thinking about Geoff's education.

And I realized Barbie's role was pretty tiny in this chapter. Which is kinda' surprising, since it was pretty big in part 1, but eh, probably for the best. Didn't want Barbie to overshadow everything else here!

Bridgette had a huge "aww, everything bad happens to poor Bridgette" sort of role XD So poor Bridgette, but she'll be OK. It's nice to see her in a more active role, even if it is mostly getting injured repeatedly, and driving crazy. After all that, she deserved the few nice moments with Geoff shegot, though!

Julie is so insane, that she is sane. I think. Well, she has a legitimate personal army. So I have no idea. It sounds like the sort of crazy thing she'd tell people, but not the sort of crazy thing anyone would actually believe. Except that it's actually true! Wonder if any of her other stories are true.

And Rosamond! Rosamond has become her own character! No more overshadowed-ness, she's finally taken the flashlight! I mean spotlight! She just owned here and showed us how tough she can be! That was wonderful, her survival, her time with Linda, her hero-worshipping from Candace, her singing act, her... well, I guess Courtney was sorta' the one to officially defeat Vito, but Rosamond did enough, so yay for her! She was just wonderful here!

You have done a wonderful job with the chapter =D Frank15 (talk) 09:08, July 27, 2012 (UTC)


Yay! :DDDDDD I love your comment Frank. It helped reassure some of my nerves. I’m sorry it has taken me forever to comment, but I really love your comments.
I loved Chloe’s cameo. I did feel like it maybe weird because she couldn’t reference the script but I liked it. I did love writing about their Broadway story. It was super fun to write!
Yeah those sheep coming back were unexpected. I felt like I kind of hinted at with them being special and all but I wasn’t positive if they would come back when I wrote the Outback chapter. I like them and they kind of have a place in the story. They have their own little Sheep Subplot.
XD I never thought about it, but Rosamond was kind of channeling Sailor Moon. Though I think she would have saved Linda if she weren’t a parent, Rosamond was really convinced to help her for reasons that will be more apparent later on.
I really liked Linda, and I’m glad you did too! I’m just really glad it seemed serious and you felt the mood I was trying to create. I was really worried about this, and I am so relieved to hear this! :DDDDDDDDD
XD I loved the random elevator opening. I really couldn’t think of anyone to get out of the situation :P I’m soooooooooooooo glad you loved this scene and you’re loving Rosamond. She was starting to feel (to me), like the best friend supporting character and I think she is a strong character on her own.
XDDD It does make you wonder. Rereading this, you may have subconsciously given me an idea for the next chapter. Thanks Frank!
I liked the reunion of Candace and Linda. I did think Candace was mature for her age but it felt right. Maybe her dad is in the military or something like that to make her mature. XDD She is so much mature than some of these teens :P And yeah Rosamond’s story was, but she has had to tell it several times.
I like Miss Lilac she is dead serious. XDDD That line is hilarious!
XD Maybe it is all a dream. That might explain how Lindsay was right about those balloons in TD:SC :P
Toby might not have been rude for no reason. They were kind of chasing him, and he knows The Bulldogs is a team of a majority of bad guys. Those he is rude in general. Maybe it is pent up rage towards Jenny :P
I liked writing Chloe here. She is probably a really great actor and probably nailed that role of bartender.
I’m glad you liked the kiss too. I didn’t think about it, but it was just right.
Yeah Nellie always has to do those crazy things. Maybe it was either this or being put back in the sack :P
XD That is appropriate for a bunny suit. XDDD I agree, who would have thought Vito would do that?
That is a good point that Courtney didn’t question it. I guess in the heat of the moment she just did it. XDD And yeah, after everything so far in this challenge and the show, they may figure to stop asking questions.
Yeah it probably isn’t it. I think it may have mentioned that the military saved all the other people who weren’t in the bar. I think that is why the military wasn’t too involved with things. They probably figured, “Oh no are bombs are in there, they could go off, we need to save people.” But we can’t be certain. Yeah that is depressing. I’m going to stop thinking about it :P
XDDD The only thing Jenny and Toby can agree on is their dislike of Rhonda.
Yeah Noah seemed like a good choice. I wasn’t too good at writing his sarcasm and I didn’t see much of a reason to keep him.
Yeah, I loved writing Geoff as a caring boyfriend. And Rhonda is nicer than Chris, but Chris knows niceness doesn’t make ratings :P
Yeah Barbie’s role was small. There just wasn’t anything for her to do at the moment. And other people needed the spotlight.
XDD Yeah, poor Bridgette. She has bad luck but you are right, she will be OK. She was really fun to write for these past chapters and I hope to try and continue giving her an important role. And she did deserve those moments with Geoff. I think you summed her recent role perfectly Frank!
I get what you are saying about Julie. If she mentioned that earlier, no one would believe her. But she has the proof! She maybe right about many other things. That will kind of be played with next chapter.
 :DDDDDD I know! I’m so glad Rosamond is getting her chance to shine. XDD I love the flashlight pun :P She really did great stuff this chapter. Though you are right technically Courtney was the one to officially defeat Vito. Now that I think about it, it would have made more sense for it to be Rosamond :P I’m really glad she was able to shine! I hope to continue that.
Thanks so much Frank. This comment really means a lot to me! Aw, your simple innocence is one of the most attractive things about you! You're like a kitten! A kitten that doesn't speak Japanese! 03:41, August 19, 2012 (UTC)
It wasn't just you, feeling like Rosamond was feeling like the best friend supporting character. So yeah, nice to see her stand out more as her own strong character.
I seem to somehow wind up giving you ideas when I comment, even without saying things like "you should do this, and you should do that" XD
And I'm glad you like the Rhonda-length comment XD Frank15 (talk) 20:43, August 19, 2012 (UTC)



I’ve finally found the time to finish Chapter 10. I’ve commented on certain mechanical issues elsewhere, so my commentary here will deal mainly with plot points.

Rosamund seems a little too paranoid when she finds Linda, which isn’t to say that she doesn’t have a good reason to proceed with caution. People who are in the grip of panic can lash out blindly, sometimes with seemingly superhuman strength, and that seems to be the real danger from Rosamund’s standpoint.

When Nellie says that the Girl Scouts’ story has “loopholes”, I think you mean just “holes”. A loophole is a different concept, and refers to a situation where someone could use the letter of the law to defeat the purpose. Speaking of the Girl Scouts, Julie shows better sense than she knows, because putting most of her operation’s money back into the business is actually what smart business owners do. That’s how the business grows. That’s why a lot of small business owners are actually millionaires but don’t look like it until/unless they retire and cash out.

Heather is actually an “ebon haired girl”, not “ebony haired”. “Ebon” is the adjective form unless you’re talking about something that’s actually made of ebony, which is a type of wood known for its distinctive black color. I did like your “Dragon Girl” reference, though. It’s hard to believe that I was apparently the first on this wiki to call Heather a dragon lady/girl/queen, since it’s such an obvious fit for her.

I think Chef has been spending too much time around Bradley and Heather. He’s really becoming corrupted, witness the way he roughed up Toby. Not surprising, perhaps, in view of his tampering with the games in the canon.

I’ve commented previously on how the Jersey Shore challenge is much darker in tone than what has come before, and you certainly didn't pul any punches. It’s not every competition story where a credible threat to a contestant’s honor is openly discussed. As for the thugs keeping their hands off only in deference to their boss’ prerogatives, you can add “Jus Primae Noctis” and “Dude, She’s Like, In a Coma” to your tropes listing for this story. (Coincidentally, my own story might also have a scene of somebody getting chloroformed.)

By the by, although I'm not aware of any ultra-small "briefcase bomb" nukes in the real world, small nukes in general are really nothing new. They're called "tactical" or "battlefield" nukes, and usually have a yield of less than one kiloton. (For comparison, the Hiroshima/Nagasaki bombs were about 20 KT.)

I naturally caught the Gilbert & Sullivan reference. Like you said, it was kind of hard to miss. One of these days, I’m going to have to find a good video of the “three little maids” song for the TDI-G&S character pages. When I do, we can also put it on the TDWTH page, if you like.

Regarding Frank's comment on this chapter, hard as it may be to accept that nobody was killed when a tactical nuke went off in the middle of Jersey Shore, it's actually very common when the writer doesn't want the heroes to become morally ambiguous or worse.

Finally, it was just like Chris to not give any consideration to Team Indestructible or Team Meta Name for stopping the villain’s evil scheme. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 03:44, August 21, 2012 (UTC)


I’m incredibly glad to see you commented Gideon, and sorry it has taken me a bit to reply.
Rosamond was paranoid, but I didn’t want Rosamond to seem dumb by quickly trusting her. And as you said, there was good reason to be paranoid.
Isn’t saying Nellie meant holes instead of loopholes a mechanical issue? I’m kidding, and I appreciate you pointing that out. I believe I changed that but I’ll check again to make sure, since Nellie isn’t the kind of person to make that mistake.
Hmm, I didn’t think of it like that, but Julie was showing better sense then she knows. I had wanted a reason to avoid Julie being voted out as a threat for being rich, but that makes a lot of sense. It also means the Violent Violets might grew into a bigger organization, which is probably exactly what Julie wants.
I fixed the ebon-ebony mistake. The Dragon Girl reference was thought of from how she was referred to in LTDI, but I agree, I don’t think you were the first person to refer to her as such.
Chef was pretty rough. Maybe it’s just his bitterness at being fired. Toby is kind of connected to Rhonda and the show. Maybe it is Chef being corrupted, or maybe it is his nature.
Ha, thank you. It was darker and I liked that. No way to prove someone is a bad guy then suggesting they would take the honor of a minor. I appreciate the links for the tropes. I had trouble making the list, but I hope to do it again when I reach 3000 edits. And I’m interested to see how someone will get chloroformed in LTDI…
The nukes were still in development so they may have been a different size in the end. But I didn’t realize there were actually smaller nukes.
I’m glad you caught the reference. I’d love to put the video on the TDWTH page! I had actually got the idea from a cartoon where a trio performed it for an audition.
I was actually thinking of that trope when regarding Frank’s comment. I’m going to stick by and say no one died from the nuke, except from Mr. Mackenzie. We may not know about him…
Ha, yes it was like Chris to not give consideration. Chris does know how to get ratings, I’ll give him that.
Thank you for the comment Gideon! I really appreciate it! I’m excited to see what you think of the next one, it will be more humorous and spontaneous. I just have to finish it first. Aw, your simple innocence is one of the most attractive things about you! You're like a kitten! A kitten that doesn't speak Japanese! 02:38, August 28, 2012 (UTC)
Although I do prefer to discuss mechanical issues with you more privately, I mentioned the loophole/hole and ebony/ebon errors on this page because they were things that a lot of people here probably didn't know, so they were points of general interest. As for our favorite ebon-haired dragon girl, I first described Heather as a former "dragon lady" in Legacy, and that was when I found out that nobody had apparently called her that before, or at least not here. (I still assume that someone had at fanfiction.net, which has a much larger TD community.)
Given that Mr. Mackenzie had less than a minute to escape/shield himself from a tactical nuke that was sitting in his car literally close enough for him to touch, it's reasonably safe to assume that he was vaporized, if not reduced to his component atoms. Or do you know something we don't? Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:06, August 28, 2012 (UTC)

Chapter 11 Chat

Chapter 11 Polls

How much did you like Chapter 11, on a scale of 1 to 5 stars?
 
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The poll was created at 02:27 on April 17, 2013, and so far 2 people voted.
Regarding the love triangle that seems to be forming, you would prefer Bradley to date...
 
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The poll was created at 02:27 on April 17, 2013, and so far 0 people voted.
So those interns huh?
 
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The poll was created at 02:27 on April 17, 2013, and so far 0 people voted.
Where do you the saboteur came from?
 
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The poll was created at 02:27 on April 17, 2013, and so far 1 people voted.
I would like to see more...
 
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The poll was created at 02:27 on April 17, 2013, and so far 0 people voted.

Chapter 11 Chat

It took me far too long, but here's my Chapter 11 review essay:

The thing that jumped out at me more than any other in this chapter is that Bradley showed us why he’s a better strategist than Heather: he’s taking Barbie’s threats seriously. Heather, meanwhile, is showing the same flaw as her canon counterpart, namely that she can’t summon any real respect for her opponents/rivals/enemies, which leaves her vulnerable to getting blindsided.

So, Jovi and Nate are secretly dating? Maybe, but color me skeptical. Perhaps it’s meant to sound that way, but I never really got that impression. My thought was that is that Nate has decided that he wants to be more than just a longtime friend with Rosamund and has gone to Jovi for moral support, or perhaps just because he needed a sounding board. Alternatively, Jovi (who seems to be a fairly perceptive person) may have seen the depth of Nate’s feelings for Rosamund when Nate couldn’t because, for all his detective skills, he might be too close to the problem.

Rosamund’s subsequent comments to her cats may have been meant to suggest that she was flustered, but it came across to me as a continuity lapse. Before overhearing Nate and Jovi’s conversation, Rosamund said that she was stuffed from a satisfying breakfast. Afterward, she says that she’s very hungry and implies that she hasn’t had breakfast yet.

The behavior of the sign-painting intern feels like it’s a reference to something, but I have no idea what. Her question, “Is time merely an abstract concept invented by humans to monitor their own going [sic] decay?” sounds like something Nellie might say, and other aspects of the scene strike me as things that Julie might say or do if she was feeling ornery.

As for the “no more musicals” promise, it could be argued that Rhonda promised only that the contestants wouldn’t have to sing as part of a challenge, in which case third-party singers wouldn’t count.

By the by, in spite of Julie’s assurances to her teammates, I haven’t actually killed off any of my stories’ main characters—yet. (Cue scare chords.) The closest I’ve come—so far—(cue more scare chords) was in Legacy, which is all about the repercussions of a certain character’s death, but that’s not really the same thing.

I’ve mentioned before how the presence or absence of commas can change a phrase’s meaning. One examples of this is Sierra’s “purple heart shaped wallet”, which is properly punctuated as “purple, heart-shaped wallet”. Without the comma, it sounds like Sierra’s wallet is shaped like a Purple Heart, which is a medal that the U.S. Military awards for suffering combat-related injuries. (Maybe Julie would want one of those wallets, since she’s also a “purple girl”, sort of, not to mention getting wounded “in combat”.) Another example is in the fight scene, where “Julie pounces on a robot ripping its head off.” This phrase needs a comma after “robot”; otherwise, it sounds like the robot was ripping its own head off when Julie pounced on it.

Hooray for Nellie and her idea to unleash a WMD of sorts. Speaking of Nellie, the line, “Hanging around you didn’t make me more depressed.” is high praise, coming from her.

It’s not clear why Courtney thought that Chris had fired Pepper, since Pepper wasn’t the one getting on Chris’ last nerve with the sign painting. As for the saboteur, my impression is that it’s not a contestant.

I find it ironic that Julie, of all people, would say, “Love makes you crazy.” Although on one level she ought to know about craziness, I’ve mentioned before that Julie very much inverts that trope. She never seems more serious than when discussing matters of the heart, and this isn’t the first time that we’ve seen it.

I’ll admit that I wasn’t surprised that Lindsay mixed up Cody and Mikey. I think what tipped me off is that she referred to him as “the short boy” instead of by name. But like Sierra said, she was in a tough spot either way.

Last but not least, there’s Heather. Of course she would cross her fingers when making her pledge. Not only does she have a history of it, but even if she doesn’t have anything against Rosamund—which she probably does, since she seems to dislike Goths in general—Heather knows better than to make a sincere promise that she might not be able to keep.

Anyway, I liked the chapter (as usual) and I hope that we won’t have to wait as long for the next one. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:08, June 14, 2013 (UTC)

Thanks Gideon. It didn't take you too long to review and like I said, I was just so happy to see this!
I'm glad that stood out to you, I was trying to show that aspect of Heather here. Bradley does see Barbie as a threat now, so I guess Barbie is in trouble. 
You're pretty much right, Nate is using Jovi as moral support, and Jovi sees the depth for Nate's attraction, along with what she presumes is Rosamond's attraction to Nate. You might not remember because it took so long for this chapter to update, but last chapter or two, Nate admitted to Jovi that he likes Rosamond but made her promise to keep it a secret. That's what they were talking about.
Rosamond's comments weren't meant to be seen as a continuity  lapse, and were intentional. What I was trying to portray, and I guess need to work on, is that Rosamond while seemingly okay with them secretly dating, was actually upset about it. Her comments about going to eat after saying she was full was meant to imply she was upset about what she assumed, and she was going to eat more to try and feel better, which isn't a good solution and was to show that this isn't going to settle well. 
The sign-painting intern was kind of based off a skit from MadTV and to have a recurring intern character, which lots of fanfics here have, but she kind of evolved into something more. She did sound like Nellie with that line, and Julie certainly, though I hadn't realized that when writing her. I'd say more about her and Pepper but that might be spoilers...
That is a good point, third party singers could sing, though contestants might sing again, though maybe on their own will. I was kind of planning a challenge at Broadway called 'Total Drama: The Musical' but I'm probably scrapping it for more plot related chapters. 
So you say you haven't killed off any of your characters, so that means Harold is still alive! I'm kidding, and if we're going by main characters than I suppose Harold doesn't count. Well I suppose I'll have to wait till LTDI's Boney Island for that joke to be correct [cue scary chords].
You have mentioned that before, I must need glasses or something because I keeping missing those sentences that need commas. I feel like I either add too many commas in some areas, or not enough. I fixed those pointed out mistakes along with one or two other mistakes I saw.
Yeah, Nellie did pretty well chapter. I've always liked Nellie, but I'm kind of liking her even more now. And that is definitely high praise from her. 
Oh, I meant for that to be the other intern [I'm not sure if it was mentioned but her name was Cinnamon, and I call them the Spice Girls]. As for you guess on the saboteur, interesting. I might say more, but spoilers and all. By the way, did you notice that when the scientist passed out he said "ROTI"? I only ask because that'll be important later too. 
You're right Julie does really invert that trope. It might be because of how her previous relationships went, as she mentioned before. Or maybe it's some weird Julie logic; It's crazy for Julie to be serious; so Julie is acting crazy [kind of]. 
Yeah, I'm not surprised you weren't surprised. It was a bit obvious, and yeah Sierra was in a tight spot either way. It probably gave away who was going to go, but I tried to still hold some suspense. It was very important that Lindsay did that too, as you'll see next chapter. 
Yeah, no surprise with Heather. It seems pretty foolish of Nate to believe her, but I guess he's just that crazy about Rosamond. And yeah, Heather probably does hate her for being goth too! I doubt Heather would keep that promise, so who knows how well this will go [well except for me]. 
Thank you Gideon! Hopefully it won't take as long to do another chapter, I'm hoping to post at least two more chapters by the end of the summer, one for July and another August.  Best TD pairing? Heather x Staci. You know there were subtle hints in the canon! 03:45, June 29, 2013 (UTC)
Yes, I had forgotten that Nate previously confided in Jovi, and my memory lapse was almost certainly due to the long update interval. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 04:52, July 15, 2013 (UTC)

Chapter 12 Chat

Chapter 12 Polls

How much did you like Chapter 12, on a scale of 1 to 5 stars?
 
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The poll was created at 06:52 on July 15, 2013, and so far 3 people voted.
What are you most curious about knowing?
 
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The poll was created at 06:53 on July 15, 2013, and so far 1 people voted.

Chapter 12 Chat

If Jovi wants a name for her and Courtney’s Type-A alliance—and it is unquestionably an alliance, if they’re coordinating their voting decisions—then the name is obvious: “The A-Team”.

The very instant that you mentioned that the sauna room’s environment and door locks were controlled from the outside, I knew that someone would get trapped there. In fact, I suspected at first that one of the shadowy villains might trap the whole gang whilst they were inside, and then ramp up the steam in a (menacing, but doomed to be unsuccessful) attempt to off them all. When it turned out to be only Julie and SG who were trapped (where are those ninja Girl Scouts when you need them?) I figured that they would probably end up in some kind of compromising position. Sure enough…

Yellow is actually at the center of the visible spectum, with dark purple being at a far end (short wavelength), and dark red being at the opposite (long wavelength) end. This is presumably because yellow light is the most abundant type that our sun puts out, so it’s what our eyes have evolved to see best.

The saboteur has a point. Even without an active saboteur on the loose (who, as the narrative suggests, is likely to be a game changer) precautions such as locking the door would serve to keep honest people honest. After all, with $5M at stake, who’s to say that a target of opportunity might not tempt a basically decent player? Granted, this oversight pales against that of the Gophers leaving Owen alone with their entrée during the Season 1 cooking challenge. Idiot Balls don’t get much bigger than that.

So, Toby was going to award three sixes for the sari judging? That sounds like a setup for a “mark of the Beast” joke, which would presumably have ended with Jenny shouting, “YOUR MOM!”

When Nellie began her monologue about cows and slaughterhouses, my first thought was, “Not in India.” (You know, the place where the term “sacred cows” comes from.) Although it seems to me that Nellie could have, er, milked that for a good monologue, too.

There may be multiple versions of how “OK” originated, or maybe this is just another case of Cinnamon garbling things. The version I’ve heard is that Andrew Jackson (who was Martin Van Buren’s immediate predecessor as President) was not particularly literate (common enough in those days, even for public officials) and that “OK” (for “Oll Korrect”) was how he would sign bills into law.

I’m sorry to disappoint Heather, but elephant hide would probably make better automobile tires than handbags because most of its hide is an inch or more thick. In fact, the only part of an elephant’s hide thin enough and supple enough to make a passable leather is the ears, and even that will be on the stiff side. (I’ve handled elephant hide wallets, which are made from the ears. They are noticeably stiff.)

Although Bradley is indeed the greatest threat on the Bulldogs, I would say that Barbie aimed too high by trying to take him out first, since that required recruiting his “official” girlfriend, Lindsay. Of course Lindsay’s going to need more than Barbie and Cosmic River’s word that Bradley is using her. Were it not for Barbie’s hatred of Heather, I would have suspected that this faux pas (literally “false step”, for the benefit of readers who didn’t know) might have actually been a gambit by Barbie to get herself voted off, since she still wants out. As it is, though, Barbie escaping the game now would leave unfinished business.

Who will the saboteur hit next? If I had to guess, I’d say one of the teams that have already been hit, because that would put suspicion on Team Indestructible, winners of the last two challenges and the only team that hasn’t been hit so far. If Team Indestructible does get sabotaged next, though, it would send the message that the players are dealing with an equal-opportunity saboteur. That would suggest that the saboteur is probably someone on the staff, or possibly even an outsider who has stowed away on the plane. (Ezekiel, perhaps?)

As for the poll question, I’m waiting with bated breath to learn most of those things, but I’ll try to choose one for the sake of the poll having a response. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 03:31, July 19, 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for commenting Gideon! I feel so dumb for not thinking of the A Team. I'm going to have to find a way to incorpirate that in somehow. 
I'm not surprised you figured someone would get trapped in there. A villain would be a good idea, and probably feel a little more natural, but I decided to split up the villain part and the sabotager parts, so chapters will be a bit shorter and there's less to take in. So next episode will feature a few villians but no sabotager. 
And I find it hilarious you thought they'd be in a comprimising postion. Not sure why I find it funny, as it makes complete sense. And where are those girl scount ninjas? They're almost never around when Julie seems to be needing them. 
Yellow is at center, but eggplant [or at least what I read, I looked up good color choices, I usually just wear purple] was very flattering, being not too cold but not bright. Perhaps the article I read more meant that it worked for all skin tones [the image did show women of all skin tones in an eggplant dress]. 
I agree. I don't think anyone really considered no one would be with their dress, but no was all at the same time. I would actually expand more on this, but of course that would spoil it. But locking it would be a smart idea. I do agree, letting Owen guard the food was too dumb. That's also were I thought, "shouldn't Owen have gotten voted off for that or at least considered for elimination?" It's where he started standing out as a creator's pet.
And that's exactly what Toby was trying to do. I had originally written that, even ending with Jenny shouting "Your Mom" but deleted it when I remembered there weren't three dresses anymore, but decided to make a joke out of it. 
Yeah, Nellie was 'milking' that monolouge, knowing it wasn't for India. I hadn't done a Nellie monolouge in awhile and wanted to add some more comedy [this chapter basically was building stuff as lampshaded at the end] so the cows seemed approriate. The cow crossing was actually suppose to be longer with a third scene, but got canned for being kind of dumb. Thinking on it, a monolouge perhaps about the hair industry would fit India better, and not be hard to set up.
Cinnamon's reasoning was how I found out OK originated, but I don't know for a fact, and the Andrew Jackson reason seems more likely to me honestly. I didn't realize elephant hide was so thick, but I should have. 
I agree, Barbie was aiming too high, but I think she thought Lindsay wouldn't turn on Heather because it meant turning on Bradley for Lindsay, so she'd have to get Lindsay to turn on Bradley, and if she could she might as well go for Bradley. I'd say more on Barbie's startegy but again, spoilers...
I'm hoping the saboteur will be a game changer, having some impact on the story and affecting startegy. The saboteur plot wasn't originally planned but was thought of awhile go compared to the R.OT.I. plot that was thought of somewhat recently. As for who the saboteur hits next, well you're pretty right, and you'll find out in the chapter after the next one. 
The next chapter will shed more light or answer some of the questions in the poll [I believe you voted for more on the R.O.T.I. connection, which will have a lot of light shed on]. Thank you for being so faithful and frequent in commenting Gideon! Best TD pairing? Heather x Staci. You know there were subtle hints in the canon! 01:06, July 23, 2013 (UTC)
What can I say? So few people around here give meaningful feedback anymore that those of us who do have to keep each other's morale up. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 02:54, July 25, 2013 (UTC)

Chapter 13 Chat

Chapter 13 Polls

How much did you like Chapter 13, on a scale of one to five stars?
 
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The poll was created at 00:58 on July 16, 2014, and so far 2 people voted.
Did you like Staci's appearance?
 
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The poll was created at 00:58 on July 16, 2014, and so far 2 people voted.

Chapter 13 Chat

Let’s get the technical stuff out of the way first.

  • This chapter has a recurring mechanical problem that I don’t recall seeing in previous chapters, to wit: dialogue bits should not begin with an ellipsis. They can begin with a dash if the speaker is interrupting someone and completing their thought—think Katie and Sadie in full Hive Mind mode—or with an apostrophe in the case of some contracted words (in which case the apostrophe belongs to the word, not the sentence) but the English language does not otherwise use leading punctuation. Ellipses in dialogue are properly used in the middle (to indicate a pause longer than for a comma or semicolon) or at the end. For incomplete thoughts, use a trailing ellipsis if the speaker’s voice is trailing off without finishing the though, or a dash if the speaker is being cut off. To indicate stuttering, use hyphens.
  • Using hashtags, emoticons and other chatroom trappings in a story is generally considered bad writing form. Abbreviations such as LOL and OMG are fine in dialogue if you want the character to say the actual letters as opposed to the phrase that the abbreviation stands for; but while I could actually see Sierra pronouncing “#crap!” as “Hashtag: crap!” it’s best not to use special characters in that way. Also, using “wanna” instead of “want to” works for certain characters and situations, but is best used sparingly. “Wanna” should not replace “want to” routinely. Ditto with “gonna”/”going to”.
  • “Overall consensus” is redundant, since the latter word implies the former.
  • Note on wiki markup: If you start a line with a space or a tab, that line will be in a gray bar and will not word wrap. I saw one of these in the chapter, and among experienced editors they almost always appear by accident.

And now, to the actual story:

Nice catfight scene at the beginning. Lindsay is learning to stand up to Heather, and has she been taking snark lessons from Noah? This scene provides further evidence that our favorite uberbimbo has been holding out on us in the brains department.

Hmm, a new side of Pepper. Maybe she’s had dealings with Dawn? The Pepper Prophecy reminds me of the adage that prophecies are a poor guide to the future, because we don’t understand them until the events they describe are upon us. That said, Pepper’s reference to “the loony bat… lost at sea” would seem to suggest pretty strongly (or, as the story puts it, “foreshadow poorly”) that maybe Izzy isn’t dead after all. You just can’t keep a good comic character down; and let’s face it, Izzy would be right at home in this story, although having her meet Julie face to face might tear asunder the fabric of spacetime.

A phone “goes off”? That sounds like it exploded or shot a laser beam or something. I could actually believe that, considering how off the wall this story gets at times, but still…

I can see Chris making an aggressive move against a competing show. Normally, I’d expect him to sue them, but he probably realizes that he doesn’t have reasonable grounds for a lawsuit. I can also imagine Chris and the producers cutting so many corners on freight that the coats would take over a year to arrive. And of course, Chris isn’t about to tell the players where those snowmobiles really came from. He probably stole them from ROTI or something. Speaking of which, the ROTI folks are probably trying to do to Chris’ show pretty much the same thing that Chris is trying to do to Dustine’s.

Argh, Dora bites Jovi. I hope the plane has rabies vaccine on board. And I don’t believe for a moment that Dora has no reason to kill her prey. She probably doesn’t have a rational reason, but that’s not the same thing. That’s as may be, I’m not so sure that Dora is really such a terrible shot. It seems just as likely that she simply underestimated the difficulty of hitting one rapidly moving vehicle from another. Julie’s “dancing” on the snowmobile to taunt Dora in a later encounter reminds me of a running gag from a previous chapter, where it’s noted that Julie’s injured foot has healed and so she can once again do all sorts of “foot stuff”.

And Lindsay is the first to recognize the significance of the ROTI flag. Yep, she’s definitely been holding out on us in the brains department. And Heather’s insult to Barbie seems misaimed. With Barbie’s build, she’d probably look better in a loose dress than in just about anything else. Perhaps Lindsay is somehow leaching away Heather’s smarts?

When Rosamund claims that “There was nothing involving that magazine” and the narrative adds, “though she is clearly lying”, you’re violating the “show, don’t tell” rule. It’s better to show in some way why it’s obvious that she’s lying. Perhaps something like, “There was nothing involving that magazine,” Rosamund says, though her face tells a different story.

After rescuing Julie, it’s not clear why SG was supposedly freezing, because it sounded like he never actually went into the water. As for their later rescue, I can only say that in a story where Dora the Explorer is a homicidal maniac, I suppose it makes just as much sense for Staci to be a physical goddess. Just wait ‘til Heather sees her…

When Julie fights Dora on the robot, overuse of the pronoun “she” makes it hard to follow who is doing what. In some of these cases, you need something more specific, i.e. a name or an epithet, to give the reader a clear picture of what’s going on.

Sounds like Dustine might return as a Two-Face knockoff. Speaking of which, how was he able to fire his gun after it exploded the first time? Did he have a second gun?

Finally, “tuber ware”? I won’t even ask. I envision gadgets pertaining to, or even made from, potatoes. Since I can’t tell whether “tuber ware” came about by accident or design, I’ll just say that your “homophone problem” is much improved from the story’s early chapters.

All in all, an entertaining if sometimes chaotic chapter. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 13:17, July 31, 2014 (UTC)

I just noticed this now, how late of me :p Thank you for the technial stuff, I'll go over that soon (I've been trying to work on some stuff for this story). 
I remember just loving writing that catfight, so I'm glad it actually turned out good! 
She could have dealings with Dawn, who is likely to appear with Staci in a future chapter (although you probably picked that up from the end) And that's pretty accurate of a way to describe the prophecy. And you are right on the money, she's mentioning Izzy, all that what she has to do with all this is another story for another night. 
A phone goes off is a common adage at my home, but I should probably just change that to 'rings'. 
I'm glad that seemed reasonable of Chris too. I think originally it was that the snowmobiles were thrown in with the coats, but I may have cut that line. And true, ROTI and Chris have similar ideas for revenge, though in Chris' defense, he hasn't tried to kill anyone. 
Jovi probably got a rabies shot before she showed up (she thinks she's so prepared). And that is fair, moving vechiles are pretty hard to hit. And I should've made a foot stuff joke! 
You really catch on to Lindsay's smarts! I'll admit she is brainer than most people (or even herself) thinks. Ohp, and I'll change that Rosamond slip up and overuse of she too! I should make it clear that SG fell into the water a little bit too. Staci is a god amongst men <3 I'm considering nominating that section for FQ. I should've had a Staci and Heather moment (I considered it but nowhere felt right, but there's always a future chapter).
I honestly didn't even think of Two Face when Dustine fell, but that's probably where the idea came from. I'll call him Dustine 'Double Face' Believer. As for the gun...uh...I guess Julie can't control all plot holes (I'll probably add a second gun, when I right exploded I wasn't thinking literally thinking exploding but just having a backlash, but I should fix that). 
And that was a typo. I suppose I should be glad my homophone problem is less rampant. Thank you for taking the time to comment (as you always do <3). I think this is a bit of the end of Julie's focus (or at least we might get more focus on other characters) and the Julie-SG romance (though there might be more) so I think's a big chapter and glad to have feedback ! But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 04:05, August 3, 2014 (UTC)
Yes, Chris did say that the snowmobiles were a throw-in with the coats, but we both know that Chris says a lot of things. As for Dustine's gun, "backlash" is not common firearms terminology. I think the word you're looking for is "recoil". The recoil of a powerful gun could certainly cause problems for an inexperienced shooter, which Dustine probably is. (Unlike Dora, for example.) Since "tuber ware" was a typo, you presumably meant "Tupperware", which should be capitalized because it's a brand name. Gideoncrawle I have a song to sing, O! Sing me your song, O! A wandering minstrel, I-- 05:40, August 3, 2014 (UTC)

Chapter 14 Chat

The Canadian Corner:

OK! So I am re-commenting on chapter one for a ccouple of reasons. First off, Im FINALLY goign to read from start to finish (hopefully)... I can't sleep, ok? And secondly I don't remember anything... And thirdly, I expect my opinion has changed a bunch since the last time! Truth be told when I first read Mana's STD story, I liiterally thought it was an STD because I hated the cast- but now I love it way too much!

Anywho; I have a new way of commenting, due to my handy-dandy whiteboard that I have by my side, and so as I read the chapter I jot down things that caught my mind! 

So first off, I love your humour to bits! It's definately a unique style, and shares a number of traits with Epic! He also has A+ comedy, in my eyes anyways. I love how it mixes random bits, like Julie for example, who is trully insane. With ~logical~ humour, like when Rhonda mentioned she thought Alejandro won WT, not Heather, and Chris replies with "it depends on where you live". I can't wait to see where this crazy cast, end up!

Next up; Rhonda you're an amazing cohost! I feel like you're us, the wiki! And I hope that's how you ~act~ as a host. Trying to keep the viewer happy, while still being slightly estranged... I love your relationship with Sierra, and the veteran cast! I'm sure that this will lead to a bunch of really fun, and dynamic lines! It's a great mix of new and old, which is shown with the cast interactions aswell! 

Julie.... I don't even know what to think of her. Will she calm down later on, because the pills ware off? I'm curious! But I also love how she randomly shouts things out! She seems like she could be a great, and unique ~Izzy~! Also, when she gave Glee a shout out, by wanting to be with Noah Puckerman, and then kicked Duncan on purpose, was that because of how the two characters are so-similiar? Or just happened by chance, and shows how I am reading too into it... 

Mikey and Rosamond! I commented about Rosamond in my frist comment, but I am still SUPER excited to see where this story takes her, and her cats! I feel like there's so much that could be done with her. Like if she does lose a cat, maybe ssome one finds it, and they end up in an alliance, idk. I also really enjoy Mikey~ He's just so FUN for whatever reason. Gotta love the kid! 

Collin! Apparently you're annouying to the world, and I can ssee why! Rhonda however, reccomended you to be a bachelor on an upcoming episode of After The Drama so I feel as though I should let you know that! Poor Chelsey...

OK! Now that my board is almost empty.... TAYLOR! She's based off of Tay-tay right? Im literally listening to her new song, Shake it Off non-stop while reading/ccommenting so I felt that was relevent. But I think she's my favourite newcomer overall. She just has so much potentiial, with SG, atleast. I was half-expecting her to take over the song- amazing job by the way! (The love-triangle drama!!) But she didn't in the end... :( Here's to hoping she atleast won the challenge! ZacAttack Rawr 07:24, August 21, 2014 (UTC)

 :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I'm so excited to see and hear these comments Zac! It means SO much to me <3 And hooray for the handy dandy white board :3 It's been quite a while since I've reviewed a few of these earlier chapters (though I did edit chapter 3 recently), so I'm excited to see how you feel.
I'm so glad and honored to hear you enjoy my humor (I was worried it was a bit out there, but it doesn't sound like the case). Especially that's A+ And I hope you like where this cast goes. That Alejandro joke is always popular, and it's one of my favs <3)
Thank you, I actually don't know how most people feel about Rhonda, but I'm glad you like her and the cast interactions amongst her.
Julie is probably the most crazy character and she won't be stopping that, even if those pills ware off (we haven't even really know what happens with Julie and those pills in hindsight). I'm glad you think she's funny, though I get not sure of what to think of her yet.
As for when she kicks Duncan, that was more because Duncan was an unpopular character at the time than because he was like Noah Puckerman (you make me seem much more clever than I am xD). 
I'm also very excited to hear you enjoyed Rosamond and Mikey, they need more love <3 Collin is super annoying, and I thought maybe that'd be funny if he was trying to rommance Chelesy.
Taylor is based on Taylor Swift (who I'm assuming is Tay-tay). I'm a bit surprised Taylor is your favorite, but happy to have such a difference in opinion. She's actually a lot better for comedy than I initally realized in the first chapter. She does have a lot of shipping potential. I'm glad you liked the song, it's one of my favorite parts. But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 06:27, August 23, 2014 (UTC)

(2) OK! So you broke my plan! My whiteboard is too small, and I write way too big so I had to squeeze alot of words onto my tiny whiteboard... and then halfway through my marker dried out- myfault for leaving the cap off while I was reading with my fan on... but I solved BOTH problems by finding a smaller marker! Anyways...

Who knew you could fly? Not to be mean... but I am VERY thankful that I am not a contestant on this show! It's either have you fly a plane or Bobobo, who may be incredibly cute and stuff, but a plane is NOT a spaceship... I am curious if this will lead to problems later on, or not! Laso I am loving your relationship with Chris, he just seems to kind of put you to the side but100% obeys you.... Was a gun involved?

Speaking of the devil's weapon. YOU HELD THE JUDGES AT GUN POINT!? HOW COULD YOU RHONDA! I used to love those judges! Paula is <3 and Simon is LOL and Randy is just 8). But you wrote them spot-on and had me laughing throughout! I can't believe they chose Rosamond as the winner, talk about a surprise! ... Poor Trent though, you would think that would hurt his ego or something haha. Also, I can not believe you just THREW THEM OFF THE PLANE!! You crazy!

Which leads me to the next thing on my white board (in much larger writing) YOU SCARY! Remind me to not get on your bad side holy crap! The way you trashed Heather was amazing! But still you scary girl! I am really looking forward to seeing how this friendship grows! I meant rivalry... but Im too lazy to use the arrows to go back and fix it oops. Also I loved the "but she'll melt!" line when Heather fell into the water! 

I really found the very first Geoff-SG-Julie scene to be amazing (and a great set-up for SG-Julie later on), Their lines in that scene were just spot on! And Julie making SG all awkward was really cute, in my mind anyways. 

The Fun Bunch is amazing. They had me laughing out loud... WAY TOO MUCH. They're perfect! I do not want their team to lose at all because I'm in love! The fact that Julie and Sierra just casually tossed Nellie into a sack like it was normal, was scary! (But you're still the scariest!) And then the sack-beating session with Mikey was perfect! I love him as a character so muh! The monkey fight was golden too! I can see it happening- which is sad, but amazing! I'm confused about one thing though, who is SG? Is he based off of the user? Or like IDK. And who is his twin that was referred to?

The immunity idol! And Barbie... IDK how noone else managed to find it before Barbie, but oh well. I can see Barbie beinig the reason that Bradley gets eliminated already, I think it was just perfectly foreshadowed in this chaper! Speaking of the not-so-barbie-like-girl, Barbie is very under the rador, (and Taylor </3) I hope they get some more fun times in the next chapter!

Speaking of Bradley! I really love his character and his entire alliance. It just seems too perfect to be real! Chef is a great character as a whole and I love the role he fills in the alliance! I am a little shocked about Heather-Lindsay working together though, but I think it could be great for the story, and to mend? their relationship. I think there's so much room for them as a group and I can't wait to see more! 

You know with all these scary ladies I don't know if I can rightfully call you the scariest... When Courntey went all out on Duncan my jaw dropped and I silently whispered "you go girl" and then Satan jumped onto me and pawed my nose. (Satan-Meow-Meow is one of my cats!) 

The fight scene between Jovi, Bradley and Julie was amazing! I think it was set up perfectly! It was one  of the old chinease ninja films! Mixed in with some Rhonda comedy when Jovi listened to Julie's suggestion and kicked Bradley in his crotch!

I am... wait why am I in italics? I am confused I didnt click italics ugh stupid short cuts. Ok... I am.... so shocked and saddened to hear about Izzy. (but I did laugh when Heather was th eonly one to not know.) Then again it does fit Izzy, and I half-expecting her to randomly pop-in sometime during an episode and be all I AM ALIVE E-SCOPE LIVES!

But now to talk about the real loss of the chapter, Collin. I may be in the minority, but I loved that kid! I found him highly amusing, even though I think it was clear he was an intended first-out, but he was just so <3. I loved how EVERYONE just wanted him gone, including you, but he kept trying, and was just so confused about everything. I loved him trying to sing to Duncan! And then Gwen yelling at him! Collin was a great character and I can't wait to have him on After the Drama... I'll repeat that, just in case he didn't catch it the first time, I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO BE ON AFTER THE DRAMA COLLIN~ 

<3 Can't wait to read more.. AKA Im about to read more right now! ZacAttack Rawr 08:25, August 21, 2014 (UTC)

Hahaha, I'm not sure if I should be upset or proud I broke your whiteboard plan :p 
I understand completely, I wouldn't want to fly with me as the pilot xD As for any future issues with flying...well I won't give it away just yet ;) I think Chris has Rhonda do all the hardwork, so he takes her word for things but thinks of her a little more than a recurring intern. I do love their dynamic, and I think I unintenially created them as opposites to each other (ex. their age difference, gender, and feelings towards the contestants). 
And I had to do whatever it takes >:D Rhonda knows no bounds! I'm glad you found the judges funny, I was afriad the humor of them wouldn't hold up, but I thought their bickering was funny. Rosamond was an out of left field winner considering she went against two singers, but they took it rather well. I doubt Trent is that upset, he's a pretty chill guy and I think he'd realize that song wasn't a masterpiece xD
I kind of forget how crazy Rhonda is. I thought Rhonda's trashing might not hold up, so I so glad to hear that it does! And you're smart to fear me.  Heather and Rhonda's conflict was really fun to me. 
I'm a hopeless romantic (as you know from my Twilight x Frosty shipping), so it's nice to hear that the scenes between them were cute <3 And I'm glad to hear their lines were spot on. 
The Fun Bunch is just so fun to write for! It's so awesome they killed you laughing! In hindsight, the sack kidnapping scene was rather scary and a bit humorous considering future events. Mikey is very thrilled that he has a fan <3 As am I. The monkey fight was actually something I thought was weak, so yay that's it not :D It is kind of sad when you think about it... 
SG is based off the user (before the story started, I let users sumbit characters to be in the story, Jovi and SG ended up being the winners). As for the twin, Julie was just being well...Julie and called Sierra his 'twin sister' (I think she was trying to be like a soap opera). 
Barbie and Taylor's role will be expanded upon in future chapters, so don't worry about that ;) Bradley's alliance is pretty tough in consideration. I personally love just writing how smug Bradley is. I got to give Gideon credit for the idea behind Chef :p But I do love what he does with him. As for Lindsay and Heather...well spoilers. 
You know, scary females might be a recurring motif of this fanfic. I do love you said 'you go girl' when she defeated Duncan. And Rosamond's cats are really an unfair advantage, but I love them <3 (I'm going to have to reference Satan Meow Meow). 
Yay! I'm glad you liked the final fight, I think it was the climax of the chapter. And it does have so many good bits (and I agree, I didn't think of it but the set up does work really well). 
As for Izzy's death, well this is Izzy so we'll see what happens. And surprisingly I agree, Collin was actually a funny character in hindsight. One thing that always sticks out to me is that he never gave me, which is admirable. And I'm glad to hear he's going to be on After The Drama!!! (I can see you doing a lot of fun things with him).   But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 06:27, August 23, 2014 (UTC)

(3.1) I'm not sure if the divide means this is two chapters or what but I shall use it as an intermission, I really need to pee. 

Anywho... The team names are really fun! I can see Jovi's team losing just like Team Victory! I think it's a curse but maybe they'll change things! I also really like Bradley's team name- and how much Roseanna and her cats dislike it!  And then there's Julie... And I just don't even know what went on with her team name, but I am glad she uh, yeah I don't even know what to say!. Just a small thing I noticed, about the teams, especially when you mentioned them when they were eating dinner. You kind of randomly put Roseanna and Jovi after the ?????????????? Team, but before the Bull Dogs, and it really threw me off, and made me confused about who was on what team. 

"How will that make him any happier?" This made me laugh way too much. Nellie is amazing- because of the characters who she gets to interact with- mind you they have very ~interesting~ conversations, but they always make me laugh... I love Julie and uh, Puddin! I feel like these two could be such a cute couple! And when I FINALLY learn to draw people again I can't wait to draw a crackship of the pair! 

Is it that time of the month again... Tsk Tsk Tsk I would have threw Chris off the plane Rhonda! But I am glad that you went the more lady-like route and slamed a frying pan into his head. The relationship that you two share is golden! 

Leshawna, Gwen and Noah? That doesn't really sound like a good alliance. I mean Gwen and Leshawna yeah, but I can see Noah being overly sarcastic and driving the two girls over the edge... But I am sure it will be comedy gold! 

Speaking of Leshawna; I loved all of the references you made to cooking before the actual reveal of the challenge. When Leshawna said "cutting board" i was like RHONDA IS SUCH A CLEVER FOX SHE IS! But then I remembered you almost revealed the challenge early- ruining the climax! And that you let a monkey drive a plane.... and that you..... 

Anyways I can't wait to read the challenge! I am curious about the pumpkin and potatoe rule... but I am sure that it will be explained! ZacAttack Rawr 08:59, August 21, 2014 (UTC)

The chapters here do start getting longer (I have gone back and started editing them for length). Usually, split sections are around a full chapter's length (having edited this one, the first half is actually a bit shorter than usual). So while they aren't technically seperate chapters, I'd count them as such. 
The team names were chosen on the spot (I did end up changing Jovi's from Indestructible to what it is now). Julie's team name (which is so long, I only use it by copy and paste) is a reference to a lot of team names from fics on the wiki (some no longer here). 
Sorry that was confusing about who was eating what (I did mention Jovi's team name before they were focused on, but I can see that as being confusing). The Fun Bunch did steal the dinner scene, particularly Nellie. She does have so many great people to bounce off. As for Julie and SG's romance, more will come of that. And a drawing is such a sweet thing <3 
I should've thrown Chris out of the plane, I'll have to threaten him with that next time. 
Leshawna, Noah and Gwen make an odd group, but politics... er reality TV make strange bedfellows, as the expression goes. And again, you're making me seem like a much better writer than I am xD. Besides one istantance, all the cooking references were unitentional. 
And yeah, Rhonda isn't too clever (and I'll admit that). But that's what makes her such an endearing host, and easy target :p And as I'm sure you're aware, the pumpkin-potato rule gets explained. But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 06:27, August 23, 2014 (UTC)

(3,2) Sorry for the delay I had to pee, and then  I saw a blog and I had to comment on it... and then an alarm went off somewhere in thr house and I had to find it, but it was just my sisters alarm clock oops. 

Can we talk about how RUDE everyone is to Barbie? I am some glad she found that ~rock~ if you know what I mean. I'm not sure who she should vote for though. I mean I would get rid of basically everyone on her team if I could... but I love them all at the same time... Heather is really ~mean~ in your story, but I really like it, I think her humour is still coming on strong, and it works well with her team... Speaking of the Bulldogs, they are my second favourite team, only because team ???????????? is too amazing to be rated second! 

Also CHEF! You're confessional is so frickin' true. We all know it's coming the alliance will just use DJ until he isn't useful... But maybe Barbie can help? Maybe not. Either way Chef is turning out to be a really good contestant on the show and I am glad that Gid suggested him!

  • Makes a whipping sound* JOVI! I was indifferent to her in the first two chapters, like I didn't really know yet, just testing the waters. But I do not like her. She is just too Courtney- and not the <3 parts just the icky bossy parts. But I DID enjoy her conflict with Courtney, my jaw dropped when Courtney was getting bossed around, and I half expected Courtney to grab a knife and stab the b* (Rhonda is heard yelling I SAID NO CURSING) So I really annouyed that their conflict is resolved! I think it could have been great to keep it going for a few more chapters. 

But back to the holder of the whip. YOU CAN NOT DISS TRENT. YOU DO NOT, (a wild collin is about to open his mouth but Rhonda stuffs a sock in it) I Repeat, YOU DO NOT, talk down to Trent! Speaking of, I'm kind of sad to see Trent in such a passive, and silent role in the story, but I guess it's to be expected.... Maybe he gets to interact with Courtney soon though? But again back to the whip weilder, what does she want to do to my Kitty Cat :( Nothing mean I hope!

"But Heather isn't on our team" Oh SG you SLAY! While I do think comparing Heather to a rat is a little mean, I feel like the Fun Bunch just has killer lines all of the time! And they always make me laugh! But Gwen.... You must try harder to convince SG to join the cause! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the Fun Bunch, but I think it could be fun for some ~drama~ to come from Noah and Gwen trying to stay in the game! Speaking of... Julie was raised by a sock puppet? It all makes so much sense now! (Also I think MIkey turned into a ghost this chapter...)

The Nizzy feels were real this chapter! That Noah confessional hit hard! I really, really want him to stick around, because the fact that you mentioned an intern by a uncommon hair colour gives me HOPE. NIZZY IS LOVE NIZZY IS LIFE!

Jenny and Toby were interesting... I love how they interacted together! They're like a fail brother-sister duo. Or mock-heroes! I really like them, and I think I will go and read some Mini Van once I finish reading this... but I fear that might not be for a lil while... Sigh. YOUR MOM!

I SCREAMED at Leshawna when she picked up the pumpkin cinnamin spice, as a native french speaker as I was so frrustrated. I wanted her and her alliance to do well, but then she had to go and do that! What kind of Canadian is she if she doesn't know one of the funniest french words!? Anyways sad to see her go, I was hoping to see her, Gwen and Duncan have some interactions, but I get the show has enough sass! Can not wait to see how team ???????????? rebounds though! ZacAttack Rawr 10:17, August 21, 2014 (UTC) (Also I shall read more later... but break time/sleep time) 

Sorry I haven't replied to this comment yet :p It was so late when I did the other one, and I've had no internet today (I took the time to update chapter four, since it and this chapter have a few differences that need to carry over).
That scene was edited slightly, originally Barbie was treated a little worse (but not by much :p). It's awesome to hear Heather is still holding up, and the Bulldogs are holding up in general. I actually don't know how people like the other teams (according to the polls Bulldogs have the least support but the accuracy of that isn't much I think) except Julie's team is the favorite. 
And I'm so glad you like Chef. I added that confessional and it just felt 'Chef' to me. I always worry writing for him, but I'm glad it worked out! As for DJ...more will come from him ;) 
And holy crap Zac, your dislike of Jovi was a bit shocking, since Jovi is a fan favorite alongside Julie and maybe Nellie and Barbie. But I love how different it is! I did make her lines a bit bossier in the revamp, but not much was changed (I had to reread some of her lines cause I was so shocked).
Courtney and Jovi's rivalry is always fun to write and tends to overshadow them as characters. And I agree, Courtney showed a lot of self-control not to straight up stab her. I do get how upset you are that their conflict is over, and I'm curious to see how your opinions are given future events...
And I take it your a Trent fan :p I will say Trent has had such a silent role so far, but it will be much more important next chapter. I'm not sure what you're referring to about your kitty cat (I think Rosamond). The large favor she was going to ask was for the team to like the troll dolls Rosamond was going to give (I am worried that didn't come across well, so if it didn't please say so). 
I originally hated SG's line about Heather, but in retrospect, it worked well. I'm glad their lines killed <3 I keep hinting at such, but I'll say Gwen isn't going to give up on SG; she knows he's a fan and she knows she can use him. And who knows if Julie was raised by a sock pupppet, I don't actually (and sadly there was little Mikey focus D:).
That Nizzy bit was added in the revamp, and it just felt right given future things to come. I admit Nizzy feels might not come as often as you want (since Izzy is presumbley dead) but there will be more Nizzy feels (In my Izzy and Friends story I ship them so hard, so I can't help but do it here. In fact, I haven't revamped it yet, but a detail I was going to add when Noah arrvies he's wearing 'familiar' bracelets). 
And that redheaded intern will be much more important later. 
Jenny and Toby might be fan favorites I think (I know Frank loves Jenny and they're part of the reason Used Mini Van was popular for a little while). And we'll see them again someday, so don't worry about having to wait for Mini Van :p 
XD I'm thrilled you enjoyed their relationship dynamic (Bruno has said he shipped them once). 
I did not know you were a native french speaker :O She fails as a candian for that than (and that pumpkin/potato rule came back :D). In hindsight I felt I could've done more with her, but there were so many other people it was not to be. 
I really enjoyed these opinions Zac; they're different from what I've accepted as the norm, but really made me think and we're great to have. It means a lot to me :3 But let me ask you this? If you ain't not a super villain, than why would you need a bulletproof face? 05:22, August 24, 2014 (UTC)
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