TDIwriter and Sprinklemist have joined forces to present to you Total... Fanfiction... CROSSOVER! We are going to create "What if?" stories featuring some of your favorite (and least favorite) characters. If we have permission to use your characters, let us know on our talk page. If you have any ideas for a good story, let us know on the talk page. These stories are going to be fun (hopefully) and educational. They will be non-canon.

Forget the Titans

This Story Was Written by Sprinklemist


Two boys are sitting at a table with a microphone in front of each of them. "Hey, y'all! Julio, here. You may remember me from Total Drama Paradise. I'm here to announce the epic event of the season. A cage match between five of Total Drama's strongest teens. "

The other boy says, "And my name is "Blackjack"."

Julio looks at a piece of paper in front of him. Julio says, "Is that some kind of nickname? It totally says on this piece of paper that your name is Bobby, from Total Drama: Second Chance."

Bobby says, "That's just my stage name. I was actually raised by gypsies who had a thing for gambling. It's true."

Julio looks down at his piece of paper. He says, "It also says here that you're a pathological liar."

Bobby rolls his eyes and says, "Do you believe everything you read?"

"Let's introduce our first competitor," Julio says. "At six foot seven, he's our tallest competitor. His season has yet to debut, so in a way we're meeting him for the first time. Can I get a 'Woot! Woot!' for Yi Min?"

Yi Min walks down the aisle waving and smiling at the audience. "I'm so excited to be here!" Yi Min, wearing spandex, no shirt, boots, black markings on his face, and straps of black and green fabric attached to his wrists and boots, walks up to the announcer's desk for a pre-match interview. "How's it going, guys?"

Julio silently stares at Yi Min with his eyes wide. Bobby breaks the silence, "It's going great, man. What made you decide to get involved in this epic showdown? You could have said 'no'."

Yi Min says, "I was asked to be on, and I don't know the meaning of the word, 'no'."

"Wow," Bobby says, "That's very brave of you."

"Seriously," Yi Min says, "What does it mean?" Yi Min looks at Julio.

Julio nervously blurts out, "Your costume is super cute!"

"Thanks, man!" Yi Min says, slapping Julio on the back. "I made it myself. When I found out that I was a part of this show, I went all out."

Bobby says, "If you'll enter the cage, we'll introduce our second competitor." Yi Min leaves the two announcers and walks through the open door of the cage on the wrestling ring in front of the announcer's table.

"Ahem," Julio says. "I think I handled that well."

"You bailed on me, dude," Bobby says. "Get in the game, bro."

"Er," Julio says, "Sorry. Our next competitor is the scourge of the Total Drama: Second Chance contestants."

"That's right, Julio," Bobby says. "I know from personal experience that this is one tough dude. I once saw him chewing on a box of nails, as he spit them out at a pile of wood. He was able to assemble an entertainment center."

"Really?" Julio says. "Anyway, let's welcome Vince."

A young muscular man walks down the aisle to a chorus of "boo"s. "I see my family arrived, safely," Vince says. He is wearing heavy boots, and tight wrestling trunks.

As he is walking down the aisle, an elderly woman shouts, "You're a bad man! You're going down, sucka!"

"After I'm done winning this match, old woman," Vince says, "I'm coming for you next."

"I'm so scared," she says. "I'm shaking in my support hose," she says sarcastically.

A young boy across the aisle says, "You tell him! He's a total punk. He's going down!"

Vince walks over to the boy, "What's your name, kid?" Vince says with a smile.

The boy nervously says, "M-M-M-Matt Tollin."

"Well, Matt," Vince says as he lifts the boy by his shirt collar. "I'm going to punch your lights out, if you don't cheer for me."

The boy gulps and says, halfheartedly, "Woo. Go Vince."

"That's more like it," Vince says as he puts Matt Tollin back down. He makes his way to the announcer's table.

Julio gazes at Vince, remaining silent. Bobby looks annoyed at Julio and changes his glance to the hulking teen in front of him, "Hey, Vince," Bobby says. "How are you doing, buddy?"

"Do I know you?" Vince asks.

Bobby says, "We were on Second Chance, together. I saved your life when you were choking on a crescent roll."

"Oh, yeah," Vince says. "You're that punk that rarely tells the truth. Where's that hundred bucks you promised me?"

"My dog ate it," Bobby says quickly.

"Well, then," The muscular teen says, "Remind me to beat up your dog after I win this thing."

"Will do," Bobby lies. Vince joins Yi Min in the ring.

Bobby says, "Hailing from Total Drama Survival. Our next contestant is the beautiful May."

Julio says, "No, it isn't. It's Stevie, Total Drama: Boney Island strong man."

Bobby says to Julio, "Thanks for rejoining me."

Stevie walks down the aisle waving to the audience, who are cheering for him quite wildly. A teen boy yells out to him, "Can I get your autograph? I'm your biggest fan."

Stevie smiles and says, "You bet, kid."

"Make it out to Conner." Stevie signs the piece of paper given to him, and returns it to Conner. "Hey!" Conner says. "You aren't Blackbeard!" Conner folds his arms in a disappointed manner. Stevie walks up to the announcers.

Julio says, "Welcome to the arena, Stevie. What made you want to join this match?"

Stevie, wearing his school wrestling uniform, says in his deep voice, "Well, I didn't really want to, honestly, but my dad would have been disappointed if I didn't accept the offer to appear."

Bobby says, "A little bit of information for our viewers. Stevie is an undefeated wrestling champion in his region, and on the moon."

Stevie looks confused, "I never wrestled on the moon."

Bobby says with his head tilted, "Ah! So one could say that you were undefeated there?"

Stevie shrugs and says, "I guess so." Stevie joins Yi Min and Vince in the ring.

Julio announces the fourth contestant, "Hailing from Return to Total Drama Island, it's the hulking Reese."

Reese comes down the aisle in a bright red and yellow costume, the audience cheers for him fairly wildly.

Ajax looks at Reese from the audience. "Why wasn't I invited to be in this?"

Pauline says, "I only agreed to come here with you, because you promised to buy me all the hot dogs I could eat. I've only had twenty seven, so far. Buy me some more, boy!" Ajax sighs.

Reese makes it to the announcer's table. "Hey, Reese," Julio says. "How's that ankle of yours doing?"

Reese says, "It's doing fine, Julio."

"Nice 'stache," Bobby says.

"Thanks," Reese says as he strokes his facial hair. "I grew it especially for this match."

Bobby turns to Julio and says, "Why can no one ever tell when I'm actually lying?"

Reese frowns and joins the others in the ring.

Julio says, "Our final competitor is probably the underdog in this competition. He's Dirk, from Total Drama: Boney Island."

Bobby laughs and says, "Isn't that the dude who cried like a sissy when he got beat by a girl?"

"Don't say that word," Julio says as he glares at Bobby.

Dirk walks down the aisle, wearing a gaudy robe with pink feathers on the ends, as well as glasses with feathers.

Bobby says to Julio, "Hey, it looks like he raided your closet."

Julio says, "Alright, that's it!" Julio leaps up and starts slapping Bobby.

Bobby says, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop that! I'm sorry!"

Julio regains his composure and says, "Sorry. I lost my temper."

"That really hurt," Bobby lies.

Dirk strikes several poses as he walks down the aisle. He is barraged by "boo"s. The old lady that heckled Vince, yells "Boo! You suck! You're a disgrace of a man! My men know how to treat a lady!"

Dirk looks peeved and stops in the middle of the aisle, "Shut it, Grandma."

The woman leaps over the barricade that separates the audience from the fighters. "You did not just disrespect me like that, sonny boy."

Dirk pushes her by the shoulder. "So what if I did, old woman?"

The woman removes her earrings, "My name isn't 'old woman', foo'. My name is Nanny Renrut. I have a feeling that you won't be forgetting it, anytime soon."

"Oh, yeah?" Dirk says. "Why's that?"

Nanny Renrut leaps into the air and does a back flip mid air and lands behind Dirk. Before he can even turn around she puts him in a sleeper hold. Dirk struggles to get loose, but fails to do so. The audience is silent as they gaze at the bizarre chain of events. Dirk slips into unconsciousness.

Julio says with his jaw wide open, "OMG! I cannot believe what just happened. Dirk was eliminated before he even reached the platform, by this... Nanny Renrut."

Matt Tollin shouts, "That was the most amazing thing, ever!" The audience erupts in cheers and applause.

Nanny Renrut bows. She then looks at Matt. "You are far too young to see this kind of violence, young man."

"No, I'm not," Matt insists.

"Don't talk back to me, Mister," Nanny Renrut says.

Nanny Renrut grabs Matt by the ear and pulls him over the barricade. She then grabs the unconscious Dirk by the ear and drags both boys toward the arena exit, as Matt says "Ow!" all the way there.

Julio says, "That was awesome beyond words... Now it's time for a commercial break before the actual match begins."

The commercial appears and two young women appear on screen in a field full of flowers. "Hello," One girl says, "My name is Beverly."

"And I am the one called, Waterlily", The other girl says.

Beverly says, "We are here to tell you of ways that you can help save our planet."

Waterlily says, "Mother nature has done so much for us. Is it so much to ask that we do our part in taking care of her?"

"That's right, Waterlily," Beverly says cheesily. "The main way we can do so is buying those twisty light bulbs."

Waterlily glares at Beverly. "That's the only advice you have to give, isn't it?" Beverly smiles nervously.

Julio announces, "Welcome back, y'all! It's almost time to begin our match. Let's introduce you to our referee. A girl who pays a lot of attention to detail, her name is Jessica. She is also from Return to Total Drama Island."

Jessica walks down the aisle watching her feet as she walks toward the ring. She counts her steps out loud, and avoids any cracks. She makes her way to the announcers table. She says, "Hello Bobby, and Julio." She pronounces Julio's name with a hard 'J'.

Julio says, "Hon, the 'J' in my name sounds like more of an 'H'."

Jessica frowns and says, "That's just wrong. A 'J' should sound like a 'J'." She nervously taps her fingers on the announcer's table.

Bobby says, "Tell us about the rules of the match up."

"Well," Jessica says, wearing a black and white striped shirt and rubbing her hands together, "The competitors will be locked in the cage with me, which is nerve racking for me... Anyway, the last man standing will be the winner. The only way they can be eliminated is by exiting the cage, or by being knocked out. I will count to ten, and if the competitor is unable to move after I reach 'ten' they are eliminated."

Julio says, "Thank you, 'Hessica'." She glares at Julio. She then enters the cage, closing it behind her with a napkin in her hand.

"I can't do this," She says the moment she closes the door. "I can't breathe!"

Reese says, "Jessica, stay calm. This is not an enclosed space. There are open holes all over this chain linked cage."

Jessica breathes heavily and say, "Thanks, I think I'm okay, now." She addresses the four muscular men around her, "Before we start this match there are three rules. One is 'Don't touch me', one is 'No outside weapons', and the other is 'No hits below the belt'. If everyone is ready, we'll begin."

A bell sounds. Cathy walks by the outside of the ring, wearing a purple bikini and holding a sign that says 'Round 1'.

Julio says, "Fierce bikini, girlfriend."

"You look great," Bobby lies to Cathy. "But, why are you doing that? This match has no rounds."

Cathy shouts, "Lay off! I always wanted to do this."

Bobby rolls his eyes, "But that's no reason."

Julio nudges Bobby and whispers, "She's the one who provided the funds for this event, be nice to her."

Bobby says, "Keep prancing, girl. You are a valuable part of this match."

"Thanks," Cathy says, as she continues walking, "I know."

"Okay," Jessica says, "Let the match begin."

Yi Min kicks Vince directly in the crotch. Vince falls to the ground with his eyes crossed.

Jessica says, "I just said that that was against the rules."

Yi Min says, "Excuse me, but you never said that."

"If you'll remember," Jessica says as she taps the tips of her index fingers together, "I distinctly said 'No hits below the belt'."

Yi Min says, "Uh-huh, I remember." Yi Min points to Vince in a huddled mess on the floor and says, "He obviously isn't wearing a belt."

"I guess I understand your mistake," Jessica says, "I'll allow it, but don't do it, again."

Jessica begins counting, "One! Two! Three! Four! One! Two! Three! Four! One! Two! Three! Four! One! Two! Three! Four!"

Yi Min says, "Wow. I thought I was the only one our age that could only count to four..."

Vince gets up. He angrily glares at Yi Min.

Julio announces, "And with that, Vince is out."

Stevie says, "Well, I hate to say it, but technically, the ref never said 'ten'."

Jessica sighs and says, "He's right. Vince is still in."

The four boys begin fighting.

Bobby announces, "Vince is punching Reese. Now Reese is punching Vince. Stevie has Yi Min in an headlock."

Julio sighs as he gazes at Yi Min, "I hate fighting."

Bobby looks confused as he says, "So why did you agree to comment at a cage match?"

Julio continues staring at Yi Min. He turns to Bobby and says, "I'm sorry. Did you say something?"

Bobby announces, "Stevie has Yi Min in a hold on the ground." Yi Min's face is pressed against the floor. Stevie lifts Yi Min up, and body slams him.

Yi Min quickly leaps up and says, "That was fun!"

Stevie says, "Whoa! Your makeup hasn't even smudged, slightly."

Yi Min laughs and says, "Ha! This isn't makeup. Real dudes don't wear makeup."

Reese and Vince stop fighting. Reese says, "What is it, then?"

Yi Min smiles and says, "Permanent marker."

Reese says, "Do you know what permanent means?"

Yi Min says, "I don't think so?"

Vince laughs and says, "It means that stuff isn't coming off, bro."

Yi Min's eyes widen and he grabs his face. "Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap!"

"Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap!" Julio says.

Yi Min stands in the corner and licks the tip of his finger and starts rubbing the markings on his face. Stevie starts grappling with Reese.

Vince says to Jessica, "Hm... I wonder how many threads are attached to the ropes of this ring." Jessica turns and looks at the ropes closely, while twisting her hair with her fingers.

Vince smiles menacingly. He pulls an object from his boot.

Julio says, "The referee isn't looking, right now. Vince appears to have pulled some brass knuckles from his boot."

Vince taps Yi Min on the shoulder. Yi Min turns around and says "Huh?"

Vince punches Yi Min in the face and he falls down hard.

The audience gasps. Vince slips the brass knuckles back into his boot and says, "Ref! Ref! Ref! Yi Min is down!"

Jessica turns around and looks at Yi Min on the ground. She says, "One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! Yi Min is eliminated."

Vince raises his arms in a victory pose, as two interns remove Yi Min from the ring, and close the door as they exit. The audience boos at Vince. He smiles wide.

Stevie and Reese continue fighting each other. Vince discreetly pulls a small aerosol spray can out of his wrestling trunks.

Julio announces, "Oh my gosh! Vince is cheating some more. For some reason, Jessica isn't noticing." Jessica is seen staring at the ropes, again.

Vince sprays Reese's face with the contents of the can. "Gah!" Reese exclaims. "It burns!" He holds his hands against his face.

Stevie says, "I saw that." Stevie begins punching Vince, hard.

Vince says, "What are you doing? Let's take out Reese while we can."

"I'd rather lose than cheat, jerk," Stevie says. Stevie puts Vince in a hold with his arms behind his back, making Vince unable to move them.

Bobby announces, "A zebra has just entered the ring!"

Julio looks around, "That hasn't happened!"

Bobby shifts his eyes around, "I can see other dimensions, sometimes."

"It looks like Reese is coming around," Julio announces.

Stevie smiles at Reese. Reese says, "Let's take this guy out."

Vince shouts, "Why me?"

Stevie says, "Isn't it obvious? You are clearly the antagonist of this match. And if you haven't noticed, the antagonist always comes in third."

"No!" Vince shouts. "I'm nice, I can change!" Reese proceeds to punch Vince in the stomach. Stevie lets go of Vince, and Reese and Stevie punch Vince in the face at exactly the same time with all their might. Vince collapses to the ground with a heavy 'thud'.

Jessica turns to see what made the noise. "One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! Vince is outta here!" Two interns carry Vince out of the cage, and close the door behind them. Jessica follows them and opens and closes the door three times, remaining inside the cage.

Julio announces, "Stevie and Reese teamed up to take out Vince."

"State the obvious, much?" Bobby says.

Julio retorts, "Stretch the truth, much?"

Stevie and Reese begin shaking hands. "Good team work, bro," Stevie says. Stevie grabs hold of Reese's wrist and twists it behind his back.

"Ow!" Reese says, "That is so not cool."

Stevie says, "Sorry, bro. I'm undefeated for a reason."

Reese says, "Correction, you were undefeated." Reese bends forward, lifting Stevie off the ground, and jumps back, slamming Stevie onto the ground.

Jessica begins counting, "One! Two! Three..."

Stevie gets up, "I won't be defeated, so easily."

Reese rubs his arm, before punching Stevie a few times. Stevie grabs Reese by the arm and flips him.

The camera shows some audience members sitting by each other.

Mitchell says, "I so could have done that."

Tyler says, "Me, too. I would have won this thing."

Tonie says, "Yeah, they were too afraid I'd win in the first five minutes. That's why they didn't call me."

Tyler looks at Tonie, then Mitchell, then back at Tonie. Tyler says, "You guys are hot!"

Julio announces, "This battle seems pretty even. The guys keep switching holds, and hitting each other, and stuff."

Reese says, "Get ready for my finishing blow."

Reese lunges at Stevie with his fist, and Stevie lunges at Reese with his fist extended. The boys hit each other in the jaw at the same time. They both fall backwards.

Jessica begins counting, "One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six...

Julio says, "It looks like this match will end in a tie..."

"Seven!" Jessica counts. "Eight! Nine..."

One of the competitors rises.

"Ten!" Jessica announces, "We have our winner!" She takes him by the hand and lifts up his right hand in the air. Stevie smiles with a slightly dazed expression. "Stevie has come off victorious!" Jessica states. The audience goes wild in applause.

Bobby says, "Wow! That was as close as the time when I almost got caught stealing cookies from the Queen of England."

Jessica lets go of Stevie's hand and takes out a bottle of hand sanitizer. She proceeds to apply the hand sanitizer to her hands.

Reese gets up and hugs Stevie, "That was quite the punch, bro. I didn't know you had that in you."

"Thanks," Stevie says as he smiles. "You almost had me there."

Julio says, "Thanks for viewing. That was quite the exciting match. I'm Julio."

"And I'm Zane," Bobby lies, "Signing off."

A Complaint to Remember

This chapter is written by TDIwriter .

A syrup colored notchback sedan comes to a humbuggish stop infront of a middle class suburban apartment. An impatient honk breaks the placidity. A sour looking girl, sneer on her face, shuffles out.

A boy, stone-faced, called out in a semi-monotonous tone,"Hey Sheena, can you hurry it up? This car's been known to stall if it sits for more than two hours straight..."

"Oh yeah, no problem, anything else, my leige?" the girl shoots back.

"Just get in," The boy sighs.

"Couldn't you do better than this, Parker?" Sheena reaches for the door handle, and notices a good deal of chipped paint,

"I've seen jalopies in better shape.."

"You want to walk?" Parker switches the car into 'drive'.

"I think that might be safer..." Sheena climbs into the passenger side.

The sedan kicked and sputtered down the street, Parker turns on the radio, filling the car with the sound of Bad Moon Rising.

Sheena swipes the volume knob in disgust, "Your car's bad enough, we don't need The Golden Oldies blasting..."

Parker scoffs, "Excuse me for having some class."

Sheena sneers, "Your class has been dismissed for some time now. And you wonder why I never want to come on these things. By the way, what's in these seats? Rocks? Because it sure feels like it. Oh, and I absolutley love the pleather, only the best from Parker Inc.."

"Hey, firstly, pleather doesn't crack in the sun. It's inexpensive, and, " Parker begins.

"And you're cheap," Sheena cuts in.The sedan hits a pothole, shaking Parker and Sheena like BBs in an empty can.

"Jeez, McFly! First day of driving? Because I saw that pothole a mile away!" Sheena is a little shaken.

"Then why didn't you say something?" Parker growls.

Join SPAG Today!

"......You should have seen it. What, the whole road in your blindspot?" Sheena frowns.

The notchback comes to a stop at a small, modest looking diner.

"Way to show a girl a good time. A soothing ride in a ramshackled rustbucket, and a nice lunch at the greasepit capital of the world," Sheena scowls.

"This isn't a date, I'm not going to take you to a four-star restraunt," Parker slams his car door.

"All I'm saying is does every aspect of your life have to be cheap and fake?" Sheena rolls her eyes, "It's called class."

The two teens enter the establishment, and look bewildered at the colorful mix of patrons already inside. From behind the counter, a smiling boy in an apron peeks out,

"Welcome to Max's! If you'll just have a seat over there, someone will serve you soon!"

"Well, at least the service isn't bad," Parker shrugs.

"Yeah, but how's the food?" Sheena looks at basket of muffins on the counter, a small sign reads 'Fresh Baked'

"That's not important, we need to focus on our bi-monthly meeting of the Society for People Against Glee," Parker sighs, "After last year's roller coaster fiasco, you and I are the only two left."

"Who quits SPAG just because their arms are broken? I mean really, you've made a commitment. At least have the decency to honor it. Gah, this booth is stuffy, and I think there's gum under the table!" Sheena looks disgusted.

"Shut up and look for new potential recruits," Parker grumbles. Sheena looks around for a moment, and sees a boy with exotic red hair leaning against a juke box,

"What about him?"

"He doesn't fit our image, he's still to bright," Parker dismisses the boy.

"Says the guy in the yellow shirt," Sheena mumbles under her breath.

"Well, what about him?" Parker points to a scowling boy with ear piercings and alternative clothing, "At least, I think it's a him.."

"Ugh...and emo...those people just creep me out.." Sheena shudders.

"Picky today, aren't we?" Parker sighs again.

"Pff. And you aren't? Have you even decided what you want to order? Where's our waiter?" Sheena swings her head around.

"Calm down, don't get your knickers in a twist. And seeing as how it's my money that's paying for our lunch, and my car that's driving us home, I'd watch myself if I were you," Parker narrows his eyes.

"Um....," Sheena looks to switch the subject, "What about him! He look's like he'd fit the image!" Sheena points to a quiet boy, sitting by himself. She gets up and walks over to his table.

"Hello. Your sweater is very dirty. Anyway, I'm from an organization called SPAG, the Society for People Against Glee, and I was wondering if I might have a few moments of your time?" Sheena sits opposite the boy, who simply stares at her.

"Well?" She asks. The boy says nothing.

"Are you going to talk to me, or aren't you?" Sheena grows furious at the percieved cold shoulder.

"Aren't," the boy says quietly.

Sheena, insulted, stands up, "That word didn't make gramatical sense. If you're going to turn me down, at least use proper sentence structure, and I'll tell you another thing," Sheena is pulled away from the boy by Parker.

"That was weird," the quiet boy says.

"Sheena, try to control yourself, I mean really," Parker snaps.

"Where's our server?" Sheena snaps back.

At that moment, a grim looking boy in all black, minus his server's apron, step up to the table,

"May I take your order?" the boys says, sounding relatively uninterested in his surroundings.

"Well? I have other things to do, you know. Not that you people care, I'm sure...." the waiter says.

Parker and Sheena look to each other, and back to the boy. Parker takes a pamphlet out of his pocket,

"Good Sir, have you ever heard of....SPAG?"

The waiter sighs, and taking the pamphlet, flips through it. After a few seconds, the boy's face has a thin, faint smile.

Dusk, the notchback grumbles down the unevenly paved roads as three teens sit inside it's metal frame.

"Turn on the air, and drive slower, we wouldn't want to hit another pothole," Sheena whines.

"What's the point of going slower? You hit so many potholes in life, it's pointless to try and avoid them," the waiter says.

"What crawled up your backside?" Sheena scowls.

"Don't make me turn this car around," Parker grows annoyed.

"Your right, I wouldn't be able to make it the other forty yards to my house," Sheena rolls her eyes.

"Shut up and get out," Parker frowns.

Parker and Sheena get out of the car, as the waiter waits in the back seat,

"Can you turn the air on?" he calls to them.

"No!" Parker shouts. The two reach Sheena's apartment door, Sheena turns to Parker.

"Well, thanks for the sub-par meal, the hot, stuffy car ride, and the charming atmosphere you produce," Sheena scowls, with a slightly smaller scowl than usual."

You know, I was saving this for my wedding night, but..." Parker leans in, and shakes Sheena's hand.

" really know how to make a girl feel special," Sheena looks at her hand in annoyance, "Maybe next we can play a rousing game of 'Check the Tire Pressure, or 'Change the Litter Box'. Whaddya say, you up for that kind of excitment?" Sheena scoffs.

"Goodnight," Parker snaps, giving Sheena a foul look.

"Hey! Can we go? It's like a hundred degrees in here!" The waiter calls from the car. As Parker starts heading back to his grumbling vehicle, Sheena calls out to him.

"Hey Parker! Today was only half as bad as I expected it to be! And also, your car sucks. Get a new one."

Parker smiles faintly as he opens the door, and gets in.

"Finally, can we go now? I'd like to die from something a little less boring than heatstroke," the waiter groans.

"Yeah, yeah, we're going. So, what's your name, anyway?" Parker starts the car and begins moving down the bumpy road as dusk's last shred of sunset glimmers on the rusty chrome of the notchback's hood.

"Damien," the waiter says, his voice was flat and cynical. Parker nods,

"Damien," Parker smiles faintly to himself once again.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," he thinks to himself, "Maybe there's more things to life than complaining. Maybe I've been missing out on the big picture--"

Parker thoughts are interrupted by the high-pitched squeal of escaping air. Stopping the car, Parker looks at his left-front tire. Flat.


Goth Poets Society

This Story Was Written by Sprinklemist

The scene is a small coffee house. A sign that doubles as a chalkboard is placed in front of the building. It reads in yellow letters, "Goth Poetry Night". A figure dressed in black enters the building. He takes a look around and sees a stage set up with a stool and microphone. A table with three chairs set up in front of the stage. A sign reading 'reserved' had been placed on that table. Lyle is surprised that he was one of three people who showed up to be part of the audience. He successfully hid his surprise, though there was hardly anyone there that would even notice. He takes a seat on a stool at a table near the one window in the building. He looks up and sees a cobweb on the ceiling and wonders if it was an attempt at decorating.

A nondescript waiter steps onto the stage. "The poetry battle will start in just a few minutes," he announces. The audience shows their excitement through dead silence. The waiter awkwardly steps off the stage.

Several minutes later, a man with an oddly large head and an inappropriately open shirt takes the stage. He says, "Hey, everyone, it's me. Worldwide celebrity Chase Whiteteeth. I know, I know. Why introduce yourself when everyone already knows who you are?" The statement is met with complete silence. He defensively states, "You know, I didn't have to come here. I'm a big time celebrity! My phone was ringing off the hook with movie deals and people asking me to appear on their talk shows. You hear me? But as huge as my good looks are, my heart is huger." Lyle raises an eyebrow at the awkward sentence. "So let me tell you a little about myself..." Chase begins.

Before Chase can finish his sentence, an eerie looking girl dressed in all black, who looks like a stand in for 'The Ring', says, "No one cares, you waste of flesh."

Chase smiles and says, "What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Melinda," the girl says as creepily as she can muster.

Chase now looks in a different direction and says, "Security, take Melinda away!" His order is ignored. Chase awkwardly says, "Well... Um... How about we meet our judges for the evening?" His question is met with more silence. "Remind me to stop asking you guys questions, gosh. Our first judge is depressing to be around, so she's a perfect choice as a judge for this. Her name is Ravioli Pasti."

A sad looking girl with wings exits a door with a piece of paper taped to it that says 'Dressing rooms' on it. She asks, "May I ask why the dressing rooms look like a bathroom? Wait... Don't answer that. I don't care." Ravioli takes her seat in the first chair at the table by the stage.

Chase asks her, "So what are you looking for in tonight's poetry lineup?"

"Nothing," Ravioli states soullessly.

"Fair enough," Chase says. "Our next judge is also a creepy goth. His name is Stan."

A boy wearing all black says as he exits a door with a sign that reads, 'Dressing Room for Boys', "I told you, I'm not goth! I just like black, okay?"

Chase says, "The only thing worse than a goth, is a goth in denial." Chase can feel the icy stares from some members of the audience. Stan sits in the chair between Ravioli and the empty chair. He folds his arms as a sign of defiance. Chase now says, "Our final judge is a girl by the name of Cathy."

A chubby girl in a pink, borderline purple shirt steps out of the makeshift dressing room, and takes a seat. "Hi, everyone!" She cheerfully says as she waves behind her.

Chase says, "Cathy funded tonight's event. Still, I'm not exactly sure how that qualifies her to judge goth poetry."

Cathy barks at Chase, "Don't ruin this for me! I could still decide not to pay you, you know."

Chase smiles and says, "Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am."

Cathy smiles and says, "That's more like it." She sweetly says, "Now we can continue."

Chase says, "Thank you, ma'am. By the way you look lovely this evening. The winner of tonight's competition wins a very special prize that will be announced at the end of the competition. Now about our first contestant. He's a very dark soul, by the name of Damien..." The waiter from before hands a piece of paper to Chase. Chase reads it and frowns, "Well, apparently Damien had some life changing experience and he won't be showing up, tonight. So let's move on to our second..."

"Wait!" someone shouts from the audience. All eyes go to a boy in a black shirt. He says, "I want to join as a late entry."

Chase says, "Too late, kid."

Cathy says, "Give him a shot. We have a few minutes."

Chase says, as fake as possible, "What a fantastic idea. Come on up, son."

The boy walks on stage. He thinks to himself, 'This is my big chance. My big break.' He stands in front of the audience and judges as Chase stands to the side.

Chase says, "Tell us your name, boy."

"Lyle," the goth boy says. Chase signals for him to start. Lyle menacingly says, "Knock, Knock." He is met with silence. He begins to feel the nerves come over him as he repeats, "Knock, knock."

"Who's there?" asks the only other male audience member.

"Me," Lyle says.

"Me, who?" the guy asks.

Lyle says, "Me. But can the same be said for you? I'm standing here outside your door, wondering if you'll answer. As the door opens, I see that while you're present, there seems to be no one home in your rotting body of flesh. Thank you." Lyle leaves the stage, with the sound of polite finger snapping.

Chase returns to his former position, on stage. He says, "That was interesting... Judges?"

Ravioli says, "I liked the part about the rotting body of flesh... That's it."

Stan says, "Why am I here, again?"

Cathy says, "I regret my earlier decision."

The judges begin privately discussing what score to give Lyle's performance. Ravioli says, "We have decided that Lyle gets a total score of three... out of ten."

Lyle looks embarrassed.

Chase says, "Let's move right along to our next performer. You all know him as the winner of Total Drama Paradise. That's right, it's Dale!" The waiter from before hands Chase a piece of paper. Chase says, "I mean, Dyl."

Dyl takes the stage and approaches the microphone. He says nothing. He slowly backs up and stands slightly away from the microphone. He then slowly leans toward the microphone and opens his mouth, and quickly closes it. He looks to the side. All ears are waiting for him to begin. Dyl then faces the microphone and opens his mouth, again. The judges and audience members lean forward anticipating his words. Dyl says, "My silence is deafening." He then leaves the stage and takes one of the seats in the audience. The audience erupts with the sound of snapping fingers.

Chase returns to the stage and asks, "Judges, what did you think of Dyl's performance?"

Ravioli says, "It was cool. Our society puts too much emphasis on words."

Stan says, "I think I actually got it... Oh, no... Am I turning goth?!" Stan begins crying into his hands.

Cathy says, "You did really well. Good job."

The judges then discuss what score to give to Dyl. Stan, who has stopped crying, says, "You did a great job. We give you a nine out of ten."

Chase says, "Now it's time for our final performer. He's our headliner. That's right, it's Kendall."

A member of the audience stands up as Kendall walks out and removes his shirt, revealing a 'K' shaved out of his abundant chest hair. He shouts, "Woo! Go Kendall!" Raising up a foam finger. Everyone glares at the boy, who dyed his hair to match Kendall's for the event. Stevie says, "I'm sorry. I've never been to one of these things before..." He blushes and sits back down.

Chase says, "Kendall, everyone."

Kendall looks emotionless. He says, "Who am I in this dark depressing abyss? Am I who I'm told I am? Am I who society wants me to be? I look at everyone around me. They try to fit the stereotype of 'normal', hiding who they are as a person just to fit in. I look at them and think for a moment, at least that's not me. Then I realize my life has just as little meaning. Blackness clouds my thinking, and thoughts of self mutilation cross my mind. What point is there in living life? I begin to smile as I think of the dark appeal of..." Just then a girl with blonde and pink hair walks in to the coffee house. She waves at Kendall and takes a seat next to Stevie. Kendall finishes his performance with one word, "Puppies." Kendall blushes and leaves the stage, realizing what he just said. The audience and judges snap their fingers.

Kendall sits across from Fiona and takes her hand. Fiona says, "Sorry, I was late, 'Dolly'. But if your whole poem was as good as the ending, you got this!" Kendall smiles at Fiona.

Chase, who has taken his former position on stage, says, "Judges, what did you think of Kendall's poetry?"

Ravioli says, "I loved it, but got confused by the ending."

Stan says, "I liked it, I think."

Cathy says, "Finally, what I've been waiting for. Some goth poetry about puppies!"

Chase says, "Judges please discuss Kendall's score and announce tonight's winner of the super special prize."

The judges quietly whisper their decision to each other. Cathy says, "We appreciate all three of our performers... Wait, just the last two." Lyle sinks back in his chair. "We've decided to give Kendall a score of..."

"Eight out of ten. Meaning that Dyl is our winner!" The audience erupts in finger snaps.

Fiona consoles Kendall, "Don't worry, Dolly. You'll knock 'em comatose, next time."

Kendall smiles at Fiona and says, "You're so good to me."

Chase says through the microphone, "Come on up here, Dyl." Dyl joins Chase on stage. Chase says, "Congrats, Dyl." Chase shakes Dyl's cold, limp hand. "Now for me to announce your prize," Chase reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. He holds it up, "You are the proud new owner of a coupon for 1/2 off of your next beverage of choice at this very fine establishment." Dyl takes the slip of paper and stares at it. He then walks off stage and stares at the slip of paper at his table. Chase says, "Thanks for coming out, everyone." Chase leaves the stage, takes a check from Cathy, and walks immediately out the front door.

As time goes by, the audience members leave the building, as well as the judges, leaving only Dyl, who is still staring at the coupon, and Lyle who is sadly slouched in his chair. The waiter folds up the judge's table by himself. Dyl says to himself, "This is what my efforts are worth?" Dyl finally gets up and heads for the door. As he passes Lyle's table, he silently places the slip of paper in front of Lyle, before leaving the building. Lyle stares at the coupon.

The waiter walks up to Lyle and asks, "Are you ready to order?"

Lyle says, "I'm good." He gets up and leaves the building, pressing the slip of paper against his chest.


Forget the Titans Trivia

  • The title, "Forget the Titans", is a parody of Remember the Titans.
  • The idea for this story began on Vince's talk page.
  • Bobby was originally going to be teamed with Zane as announcers, but their personalities seemed too similar. I wanted someone to balance out Bobby's lies.
  • Yi Min was going to apologize to Vince for hitting him in the "tentacles".
  • Julio was going to make a comment on not noticing any room in Vince's trunks to hide an aerosol spray can.
  • A character was going to be put into the story as someone who did pre and post-match interviews.
  • Ajax was originally going to be by himself in the audience, then with Hector, then finally with Pauline.
  • Nanny Renrut's role was originally going to belong to a nameless old woman.

Bonus Gallery:

Goth Poets Society Trivia

  • The title is a parody of The Dead Poets Society.
  • Ravioli was originally going to have a panic attack when Fiona entered the building, saying "Not her!"
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