Yes, it's me, and I'm going to start making a series of blog post reviews-- Like the offical story reviews, but I'll only rank finished stories, and this is better. Why did I decide to do this, you ask? To help wonderful fics get assured that they're wonderful, to get under-rated fics popular, and to get girls. Mainly to get girls. Please, don't ask me to rank your fic, all that does it assure that I will never, ever, rank your fic in the history of ranking fics. Capeche?
Alejandro figures out a secret he shouldn't have figured out while another is faced with dreadful consequences for her heroic actions. When he promises to protect her, a whole world of danger is inflicted on them.
Interesting, yes? Now, let's get this review started!
Alright, I'm skimming through it and notice something weird: It seems exactly like Life After Lies. The chapter formats are set up to same up to the chapter titles being dramatic abstract nouns and the basic plot seems the same (someone has to do bad things to someone else, the other person happens to be an ex-Total Drama contestant, in the end the first person refuses and they have to kill the person who commanded them, etc., etc.), so yeah. Not off to a good start, especially for a LAL fan like me. However, I decide to give the story a shot anyways, and I'm in for a pleasant surprise...
Spoilers lie ahead for both this section and Characters. If you're planning to read this story, I'd recommend skipping down to the Pros and Cons instead.
First thing that strikes my attention is the excellent choice of words that are used-- Big plus. However, the dream makes no sense. Why would he dream of Bloodfire, despite having never saw him? Having read all of the story, I know he doesn't have a machine that makes everyone dream of him. It's a plothole, but most people would be oblivious to it, so I'm letting it slide. Second thing that catches my attention is how you kept doing:
It's a grammatical error that I'd normally let slide, if this wasn't for dialouge which shows up repeatedly in the story. It's a small con. Skipping ahead past some parts of the story, Derek shows up, hands him the folder, and tells him that if he listens that he'll tell him the whereabouts of the gang who killed his father.
He reluctantly listens, then looks inside the folder to find that it's Bridgette. I'm going to ignore the fact that it just happens to be the girl he knows, despite all odds being against it, and instead ask a different question: Why hasn't Alejandro or Bridgette ever mentioned before that they looked familar on the show? I mean, they must have saw each other before if they lived that nearby, right? If I was Alejandro, I would have mentioned to Bridgette that she lived nearby. Oh well, I'll let it slide...
I'm only reviewing chapter one because, frankly, I'm way too lazy to do about three paragraphs for all nineteen (including Epilogue) chapters.
Alejandro - This is the beautiful thing about writing a non-comp with Alejandro-- You can't techniqually be OOC, because he could have done the whole act because he needed the money for a reason (which he did, although unaware of it), or just wanted it for fun. The problem was, though, I don't know any guy who both reads romance novels (nothing wrong with liking those, I do myself honestly) and has no problem killing a man. Unless, of course, he was insane, which I don't remember being mentioned, that shouldn't happen. Oh well, though.
Bridgette - Gah! She annoyed the Hell out of me. x-x I don't know why she did or anything, but I felt like cheering when she finally died at the end.
Derek - Ah, a bad-ass villain who's able to shoot people even with his back being riddled with bullet holes. Gotta love 'em, even with them not making any sense.
Bloodfire - Only real problem with him was the fact that most of the time he felt more like the main villain then Derek did, who, if I'm correct-- and I'm pretty sure I am, was the main antagonist.
There were more characters, but I'm too lazy to list them cause they were all minor.
Pros and Cons
- The choice of words is bigger and better then most stories use.
- One of the few first-person multi-chaptered stories on wiki, plus for all of the first-person fans like me.
- Interesting plot, even if similar to LAL's and has plot-holes.
- The couple is relatively cute, even with my dislike for the portrayal of Bridgette.
- Feels too much like a LAL rip-off-- Which it actually probably is.
- Full of plot-holes.
- Repeatedly using "' Dialouge.'" instead of "'Dialouge.'"
Until next time...